As the dust in the air began to clear, you could slowly begin to make out the intricacies of the shapes on your chest. They changed from indistinguishable grey against your clothes into oddly shaped black and green puffs, almost as if they were separate from your body. You’d think any sane being would begin to calm down after seeing ‘probable pillows’ laying on top of them, but you’d be mistaken. You, being the Anon that you are, decided to scream even louder at the subject of your ire, specifically Twilight.

Your face contorted into an emotion most foul. The sight of the ‘things’ on your chest and arms infuriated you to no end. Almost like the universe decided to mock you by putting the thing you hated most next to you : Children, or in the case of this homoerotic wet dream of horses, FOALS.

“Twilight, would you mind telling me why there are four- no wait scratch that, I think there’s one clinging to the back of my head like a pillow- FIVE hellspawn sleeping peacefully on top of me?” you asked, mentally counting backwards from one hundred to calm yourself. Damn unicorns and their problematic magic.

“I-I don’t know! I just meant to cast a simplified version the ‘Calm Mind’ spell that my brother uses to stop angry monsters!” Twilight said with panic. “Even when I was a filly first learning magic, my spells never messed up this bad!”

If there ever was an example of someone going ‘Twilight’, this certainly was a fine example of it. Twilight began pacing back and forth anxiously, going on and on about how she’d be sent back to ‘magic kindergarten’ and how in so much trouble she would be if the Princess found out. To be honest, you sort of hoped the Sun Regent herself would find out about this little screw up. At least then your anger would subside the smallest amount in exchange for the hilariousness that would ensue.

Suddenly, Twilight stopped from her neurotic ramblings and locked eyes on you again, more specifically at your legs. “Anon, why is there chalk dust on your shoes?” Her jaw quivered, clenching hard enough that you could hear the ‘clack’ of her teeth. You remove two of the five fillies from your chest, clearing the view to your wondrously thick calves. Huh, so it seems there was chalk on your lower legs.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Twink Sprinkles.” You lie through your teeth. She musn’t find out it was actually you who screwed with her magic drawing. Cthulu above knows that she’d go nuclear.

Without warning, Twilight began to Twilight again, this time running up to you and gripping you by your shirt. Fuck, you’re going to have another aneurysm from thinking about hand-hooves at this rate. “Anon, please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did!”

“Alright, I totally and one hundred percent didn’t do what you think I did.” You reply sarcastically.

Twilight gripped your shirt even hard, this time shaking you to put emphasis on her words. “Do you have any idea how irresponsible it is to mess with a magic circle when somepony is casting a spell?! You could have been killed!”

Welp, the cat was out of the bag now. Time to face the cold, hard, cartoonish reality of Equestria. “Alright, alright you caught me. I may or may not have scratched out some of the runes you were carving. It’s not the first time I’ve messed with your alchemy circles or whatever. Maybe you should have been paying attention to this sexy beast instead o-” You start, but are interrupted by hooves pulling your face close to a horse.

“Anon this is serious! Somepony, including YOU, could have been seriously hurt if one of the wrong runes was etched into the circle! Magic isn’t some game!” Twilight lectured into you, this time with more fear than paranoia about the situation. “And neither are magical homunculi. Stars above, for all we know these things could be hungry for flesh!”

And with the key word ‘danger’ said, your drunken compadre Dash sprung into the air, albeit much more slowly and sloppily than she would have if she were sober. Comparable to that of a squirrel shot by an air rifle. “Never fear, Rainbow ‘Danger’ Dash is-” RD started, before gliding back to the ground and gripping her mouth with a hoof. It takes her a moment to swallow the bile currently throwing a party in her mouth. “Blegh, oh Celestia *urk* my stomach...”

The sight of her plastered form brings a smirk to your face. Time to fuck with the drunk girl like there’s no law that can stop you. “Nice of you to join us, Dash. Welcome back to the land of the sober, as sad of a land it is. Did you enjoy your alcohol coma?”

Rainbow Dash continues to stare at the floor, eyes glazing over slightly before vomiting square on to the first step of Twilight’s loft/bedroom. Gonna suck for whoever has to clean that up, most likely Spike-bro. You’d have joined her in painting the floor with cake frosting, if it weren’t for the fact that you were sober as shit and that you can handle three times the alcohol as the average pony. Fucking light-weights.

As much as Twilight wanted to help comfort her friend and take her home, the matter at hand, or rather hoof, was much more important to her. She focused her magic and displaced the pegasus with a teleport spell, plopping her into the bathtub of her cloud-house. Afterwards, she darted around the library rifling through her books like there was no tomorrow. It was actually very mesmerizing to watch, even with you having to crane your neck uncomfortably to watch her from the floor. Book after book, occasionally a scroll crossing across her path, Twilighting the whole time as she searched for some solution to the foal predicament. You raise your finger from underneath one of the foals in objection to Twilight ruining your fun before it could start, but decided against it.

For about a total of twelve minutes, the train of books stopped and she gave up, scattering the things all over the floor. “Ugh! Why doesn’t this library have anything on homunculi?! I was so sure I kept them under…” Twilight paused, her ears twitching as she glanced back over to you. Seems the ‘beasts’ on your body were starting to wake up. “Starswirl’s beard, they’re waking up!”

Quick as a wasp triggering its hive for defense, Twilight did her best to contain the things in a magic bubble, you included alongside them. You’ve been through this sort of situation before though and just decide to get up and walk through the magic bubble over to purple-smart. You can thank Discord for the magic-resistance in your suit and tie.

Maybe about a minute passes, Twilight still holding the shield over the foals, which now that you get a good look at them, were all fillies. Each of them looked almost identical, minus the different shades of green and similar sort butt-tattoo, or Cutiemark as you were told to call them. Their cutiemarks all seemed to be centered around a question mark, although one had some sort of bottle with it on it, another had it centered around the symbol for female. The third of the five, closest to you and Tinkles the wonder horse, help just a simple flower with the question mark forming the stem. Number four was actually the most unique of the five. It pretty much looked like a joint with the ashes falling off being three question marks, whilst number five was the comedy/tragedy masks with question marks instead of eyes.

After all five were up and awake and staring both of you in the eyes with possibly enough cuteness to kill, Twilight began to cast a few other spells. But being that you had no clue how to check what they were, you decided to just let her do her work. A few tugs at the fillies’ mane and tails, some small prods at their muscles, and even what you though were x-ray scans, and Twilight decided to drop the shield.

To which the bottle-filly immediately reacted by galloping over to the party table, knocking it over and caressing the near-empty whiskey bottles that hadn’t shattered upon hitting the floor. The other four simply just meandered around the library, taking in the sights as though they were visiting Paris.

“My precioussss….” Bottles hissed out, almost a bit like Gollum from LoTR, if he had the voice of a ten year-old.

‘Huh, and here I thought I was the only one who liked alcohol that much’ You thought to yourself.

Twilight simply just stood there, aghast with her confused realization. She looked you in the eyes and began to question. “I-I don’t understand. These fillies should be hungry for flesh like all homunculi. Why aren’t they attacking us? And why did my examination show them to be ordinary fillies and not my magical signature? I made them, didn’t I?”

You threw your hands in the air like you just didn’t care, and you really didn’t care. “Hell if I know. Do I look like a friggin’ virgin wizard? Maybe you just suck at certain kinds of magic?”

To which Twilight responded by flicking your forehead with her magic. “Well regardless of what caused them to be like this, I still can’t let them leave the library. It would cause a mass panic if we didn’t take responsibility and keep them here until we can find a way to undo them.”

NIGGA WHAT? “Hol’ up, the fuck do you mean by ‘we’? You’re the one who cast the spell! I’m an innocent bystander here who just so happened to scratch out the chalk in the circle and why are you looking at me like I just screwed your mother?” You take a moment to think about the ‘we’, then it hit you. “Oh, I see your point now. But shouldn’t you have said that before they left?”

Twilight tilted her head a little. “What do you mean? They’re all ri-” She stopped upon looking around the library, only spotting the little alcoholic bottling herself like an infant and the front door wide open. Ho boi, brace for screams.

Author's Note

Introducing the five fillies for the friction of my fricking fun story. Any suggestions for names?