Saffron Ree

I shouldn't be angry. In the lead-up to this day I'd gotten so much attention from Candy I almost had to put a sign around my dick saying it belonged to her, I'd gotten to build two dream computers (both of which would be coming across with us soon), and Mom had let me tell any press that showed up at our house so many swear words their attempt at an interview was useless.

The high-life came with downsides, though. I looked at the slate covered in strange patterns and gulped. I wasn't faced with an adulthood of dealing with girls, or getting my own car, or any of that. Nope. I was going to become a pony. There's nothing to it, Saf, even that awesome soldier-dude had said it was amazing.

The video, with all the different angles playing together, ran through my head. The grizzled war hero was standing proud one minute, and the next he was squealing in excitement—oh, and he was also a fucking pegasus! A man who had killed with his bare hands, who had fired enough guns to make an NRA member blush, had stood in front of us and told us that it didn't hurt, that it felt amazing, and that we would become cute little ponies.

"Do I have to?" I asked.

"You got your computer. That was your deal, Saf." Dad was not helping. In the past few days I'd even had to ask him for more of the rubber sheets, and all he had done was smile and get me some. What I wanted to know was, why did he even have them if that was what they were used for?

My brain recoiled the moment it came up with the question. I really didn't want to know. "I should have gotten something bigger. Is it too late to ask for a tank to drive around in?"

"It is, Saf. Come on, don't make the girls look braver than us," Dad said, and walked up to stand beside Mom.

We didn't even get to wear our own clothes. Outfits had been hand-made for us that had stitching in them that would tear easily. Yup, I could totally just rip my pants off like a stripper. I want to know who even came up with that idea? "I guess."

Walking up beside Dad, we stood beside Mom and Riley. Mom was in her element. There were cameras on her, and anyone else would say she had iron certainty and rock-solid demeanor—or some shit like that. I could see the way she stood was her scared shitless but not going to show it look. She had it when Riley was in intensive care just after she was born, and she had it the night Jeff won the election.

There were a small group of reporters probing her with questions. When one asked, "What do you think your chances of survival are?" I walked up and imposed myself between him and Mom.

"Hey, Mom, are we there yet?" I put a little teenage-whine into my voice—it wasn't hard—and got a huge laugh out of the reporters.

Mom looked me in the eyes and I could see what it meant to her. "If you don't stop asking that, Saf, I'm going to turn this teleporter around. See that I won't!"

More laughs from the idiot reporters, and the asshole had been forced to back away by someone else who wanted to ask a question. The way the new reporter seemed happy enough to shove the asshole back told me they might have had some heart left. "What do you think of the prospect of becoming a pony?"

"There's what, four types?" I asked and got a nod from the journalists. "Two in four chances of being the horniest teenager ever? Pretty fucking good."

As I spoke, I could see the dismay in all the reporters' eyes. It was the mother of all soundbites, and none of them could use it. I decided to have some mercy (but damned if I know why). "But I'll be fine no matter what. Princess Twilight Sparkle and Captain Frank Hollings reassured us it is perfectly safe," I said.

That was usable, and a good one for them. All the reporters (except the asshole), smiled. Brave teen faces the unknown with jokes, praises war hero. I could practically write the headline myself.

I waited until the next reporter opened their mouth, and played the same gag again—because why not? "Are we there yet?"

By the time the laughs subsided, a man in a suit stepped out between the press and the barricade. "You'll have to excuse Mrs. Ree and her son, they have a very busy schedule."

"Thank you, Saffron." Mom pulled me close and kissed my forehead. It would have been totally embarrassing if I couldn't feel her shaking just a little.

I put my arms around my mom and hugged her back. "Whatever. I just wanted to swear on live TV for once. Are we going soon? I don't think the ponies will be as bad as this lot."

"Come on, let's get this done." Mom, with one arm still around me, stepped up onto the slate.

Following, because you don't just pull away from your mom when she's having a rough day, I stepped up and stopped when she did. We were both standing in the middle of circles drawn onto the slate. The patterns glowed softly, and I'd been told there was no way to scuff them.

Looking around, Dad and Riley were stepping up too, and approached the circles closest to Mom and me. Around our four circles were eight more. Two pairs of two soldiers stepped up onto their own circles, and big cylinder-shaped boxes were put in the last four.

Each of the soldiers had guns, and each was a modified M4 carbine with no trigger guard. Hooves or fingers, they would be able to fire their weapons. I read their name badges as they turned around: C. Hendricks, P. Clark, D. Roberto, and C. Bell.

Bell looked to be the most alert of the four. His eyes were everywhere, looking around at each person present at least twice. The rest looked alert, but mostly they were looking at Bell.

"Princess Twilight Sparkle," Jeff said and when he did, the whole room went quiet. "It's an honor to be the first president—first of any national leader—to thank you as a representative of Equestria for agreeing to abide by the laws put forward in the Diplomatic Privileges Act of 1708, and the Vienna Convention on Diplomatic Relations of 1961, as they pertain to interdimensional politics, and on behalf of America, I promise that we will abide by the same.

"Concerning these we send, I must thank you again for promising their safe passage, and for assuring they will be welcome as representatives of the United States of America, and humanity. I am assured by your own good will, and that of our representative, that relations between our nations and species will only improve."

"President Jeffrey Miller," Twilight Sparkle looked like she was about to explode with happiness. "Equestria welcomes all peaceful races, but in this union we are particularly excited to cement negotiations of trade and support. I pledge that as you have guaranteed my own freedom, Equestria will guarantee that of the Rees and their guards.

"Once they are safely across, the verification device will be sent back the moment my assistants are able, and your people will be shown every deference as due to them in the aforementioned diplomatic agreements."

Twilight turned to us. "Are you ready?"

"Sure. I guess," I said, in the most bored manner I could.

Locking eyes with me, Twilight Sparkle winked while everyone else in the room laughed. Yup, the last thing I say as a human for five years was a bored, noncommittal assent. It was fucking perfect.

"We're go, Your Highness," Bell said.

"Ready," Mom, then Dad and Riley said.

I watched as Twilight Sparkle's horn started to glow, and then everything stopped moving. Okay, it didn't stop, but it moved really slowly. I watched as the big storage crystal things started crackling, and I felt tingly.

Then it hit me—this is bullet time!

I held up one hand, slowly, and watched as it moved like the air was made of molasses. My fingers seemed to melt and stick together. I'm really changing into a pony, like really changing. I guess my hands would turn into hooves, and all the usual stuff that you see furries talking about online, but this was different.

My arms pulled back as I started to fall forward. The last bright flash of Twilight's horn caused the room around us to blink away. We were in a featureless void with no more slate and no one but the eight of us.

Odd crackling sounds met my ears, and I realized it was the sound of joints shifting and adjusting. My legs seemed to change too, and there I could actually feel them forming into pony back legs.

My arms kept pushing up and back, even while I fell forward. A prickling sensation started along one edge of my arm, and it got worse and spread all over the limbs. Turning my head a little, I watched as feathers popped free of what looked like chicken wings.

Ripping down its seams, my shirt quickly became so much useless cloth, and I got to watch two new limbs push out of my shoulders and down. Fully formed, these new limbs were pony legs in all senses. Thin, they ended in proper hooves—unlike Twilight's split hooves.

More prickling, but this time it started everywhere but my wings. I stretched the odd limbs out and waved them in surprise as something pushed out between my eyes. My new nose was white, but nothing like white skin—this was white-white. A lock of green hair flopped down over one eye, and I could see a dark pink highlight in it.

Thudding in my chest, my heart felt like it was swelling, but then I realized I was actually shrinking. The nearest carton of stuff was my best guide, and I watched it grow larger and larger. Pulling my head around, feeling like I was swimming through a vat of honey, I watched as Mom seemed to take on a stockier build than my own. She looked a little bigger than me, but she also was missing wings or a horn. Earth pony, Twilight had called it. Sounded like a nerf to me.

Mom was light gray, and she had hair the color of honey. It was actually really pretty, and that seemed a strange thing. Why would a pony look pretty?

Time seemed to slowly catch up, speeding, then I fell sideways and lost all control of all my limbs.

"Are you okay? Is anypony hurt?"

"Please, we're trying to help you! Wait, why did you bring so many foals with you?"

Philip Ree

Something was very wrong. Something apart from the fact I'd just turned into a little horse, that is. There was two ponies close to us, both unicorns, and both were shouting questions.

I had priorities. My head swung around to look for Clair—an easy task since she was now the most majestic damn pony I'd seen yet (at least I liked to think so). She was standing diagonally opposite me, and hadn't moved much.

God, she looked amazing.

To my left should be Saffron, but there was a little pegasus pony there instead. To my right would be Riley, but what I saw was a tiny foal hidden in the clothes my daughter had been wearing.

"Arffftggg?!" I said. Okay, horse-mouth is hard to use. Staring down and inward, I could see my brown furred nose crinkle up in annoyance.

Then I noticed something else—where our four soldiers should have been, four colts not much bigger than Saffron stared around at each other nervously.

The shouting from the two unicorns rose, but it was my daughter's cry that cut through it all. "SHUT UP!" Everyone—everypony—froze. "Loof, diff iff a mifftaff." My tongue kept getting in the way of the end of words. "Baff off, giff soff rooff!"

Standing taller than any of the soldiers, I walked around each. They looked frightened, honestly scared. Then one slammed their hoof down three times, and they seemed to banish all their fear. Four steely-eyed colts put themselves between the two new unicorns and us.

"Stop this, please. Everyone, put down your weapons. That's an order, Captain Bell." The voice didn't sound like a pony—it sounded like my wife.

I turned my head to see Clair's steely eyes staring out of the most adorable gray snout. While she glared around, the four marines (now colts) lowered the guns each held as best they could. "Excellent. Captain, please escort us off this platform."

"O-Over here," a unicorn with a pink coat and purple/aquamarine hair said. She directed us all off the platform and to a corner of the room. Then, with her horn glowing, she floated the four boxes after us. "Do you have the acknowledgment?"

Clair nosed around in what was left of her clothes and pushed a Rubik's Cube out of one pocket. Showing more daring than I was ready for, she sat down and lifted it up with her forehooves.

"What is she doing, Starlight?" the second unicorn, with a cream coat and three-tone red/purple/violet hair, asked.

The unicorn I now knew was Starlight lifted a foreleg to ward the other one back. "You remember what Twilight said, we let them settle down and they send one item back straight away."

Such a strange situation, but it gave me a chance to find my daughter and son and check on them.

Saffron was exploring himself. I'd ensured my son had grown up to buck the growing obesity trend, and it seemed he'd done so here, too. A spindly pegasus, Saffron's hooves were solid (unlike the split unicorn hooves), but the most impressive thing was his wings. Though, him being smaller than me was something a little confusing.

Riley was a different story. She was a stocky little earth pony (solid hooves, solid body), and had the most girly-pink fur imaginable, with straw-yellow-blonde hair cascading from her mane and tail.

Of the two, Saffron seemed to be alert and looking around, while Riley looked like she was ready to cry. Strange limbs be damned, I was going to comfort my daughter. Focusing on my tongue first, I tried for her name. "Riley?"

"Daaaa!"

Come on arms—legs, whatever—don't fail me now. Reaching out with one wobbly, left foreleg, I managed to get it around her belly and pull her closer and up. With my back propped against a wall, I managed to juggle my squirming filly so she was pinned to my chest and supported around her back.

"Something got messed up. But, Riley, you're a pony!" I said.

Riley's huge eyes looked up at me for a sec, and I could see the moment she recognized I was me and I was a pony. "Why are ooo so big?"

"Hey, Dad, what'd they screw up?" Saffron asked. "And how do I get these things to go down?"

"At a guess, age. Clair and I are adults, but even our escort seem to be—uh—foals." I watched Saffron trying to turn his wings this way and that. "Try relaxing the muscles, rather than tensing them."

"Why'd I get stuck with wings? I want to be a unicorn, like you!"

Like me? I looked down first, and noticed that I definitely had split hooves. Crossing my eyes, I tried to roll them as far back and up as I could, but I couldn't see a horn. I felt the ears atop my head perk forward to pick up the laughter of Saffron and Riley. "I'd like to see either of you see the horn on top of your heads."

"I have a horn?" Saffron and Riley said at the same time, and both did completely unsuccessful attempts at the maneuver I had tried.

"No, which makes it a lot easier for you both not to see one." I couldn't help the smug smile that tricking my children in such a silly way caused.

"Hey!" Saffron still hadn't gotten his wings squared away, and rather than waste the effort, he waved them to get Starlight or Unicorn-Number-Two's attention. "What's up with us being so young?"

All the soldiers seemed to stiffen at the question. Everyone, in fact, except Clair looked at Starlight.

"Uh. How old are you meant to be?" Starlight asked.

"Seventeen!"

"Twenty-nine."

"Thirty-three."

There were other voices, but those trailed off when the highest age was reached.

"That seems right. It's strange that they sent a bunch of foals to be your guards," Starlight said.

"Hold on," I said. "Just to get this right. What's the age a pony is when they reach adulthood?" I had to raise my voice a little to ensure I was heard.

"Around fifty. Why?" Starlight looked at me like what she'd said was the most normal thing ever.

"Fifty years old? So anyone under that—" I said.

Starlight cut in, her voice full of confusion. "Are children—foals. I don't understand, your previous guardspony was an adult."

Clair cleared her throat and made her way off the circle-patterns. "Captain Frank Hollings was a retiree. He was chosen for having spent most of his life serving his country. In America, a human is treated as an adult from age eighteen."

"Hold on. We're stuck like this?" one of the soldiers, I think it was C. Bell, asked.

"No. You're going back with the recognition pattern," Clair said.

"With all due respect, ma'am, that would be dereliction of duty, and there is no way we are leaving you here without guards." While it was hard to take what a cute, little unicorn said, I had to admire Bell right then. He spared one look at Clair before turning his attention back to the room.

"Captain, I—" Clair said.

"Ambassador Ree, you're out of order. Write them a note or something. Get 'em to send us Captain Hollings right away," Bell said.

"You're in charge of the guard detail, Captain." Clair pulled a notepad from her pocket, a pencil from another, and started writing by holding the pencil in her mouth.

The room was silent except for the scribbling. When she was done, Clair tore the page off and tucked it into the cube. When she stepped back, Clair looked up to Starlight.

"Okay, send it," Clair said.

There was barely a flicker. The slightest of blue lights and the cube and note were gone.

"We need secure lodgings," Clair said, and I could hear the lethargy in her voice. "Somewhere for my children and husband to rest, and where I can sit down and have a long discussion with you, Starlight."

"Moon Dancer, can you take them to the rooms Spike prepared?" Starlight asked. Bingo! I now had another name.

I looked at Saf, who was still getting his wings folded—he had one, and was trying to repeat the lucky break he had with that on the other—and Riley held against me by foreleg. "Sweetie?" I asked Riley. "Can you get on my back and hold on?"

"I'm scared, Daddy. Why's everything so big?" Riley's voice was compromised severely by her unfamiliar anatomy. I pieced together what she meant more by guess than by practice.

"Because it's not big, Riley, we're small." Saffron, his other wing now tucked at his side, stood up and shook. "Dad, put her on my back."

I stared at my son for a moment before I realized he was being serious. "Riley, I'm going to put you on your brother's back. You need to hold on tight, okay? And I'll be right beside you both."

"Are you ready to move?" Bell asked.

Lifting Riley up, I made sure she was pressed to Saf's shoulder before I boosted her fully to his back. "One second," I said. I was going to push her up, but that wasn't needed. Strong little hooves hauled her onto her brother's shoulders.

"I got her, Dad." Saf moved one foreleg, then the other, then moved his back ones as well. "You good, Riley?"

"Y-Yeah!" Riley had a shot of something in her voice that spoke of a strength rekindled. "L-Let's go."

"Carl, Dave—you two escort the family. I'll take Pete and keep on the quarterback. I don't care what you have to do, but work out how to carry your damn rifles. We need to look the part." Bell pointed with one hoof to indicate we were the family, and Clair was the quarterback.

The lighter colored unicorn, Moon Dancer, looked around at the three of us, and our two guards. "Can you follow me? I'll get you there in the shortest route. Spike thought it would be a good idea if you were in a room nearby the portal. Sometimes I wonder where Twilight'd be without him."

"Dave, you take point. Sir," the soldier I could identify as Carl looked at me, "I'll be right behind you. Ma'am?" Moon Dancer blinked in surprise at the address. "Please lead on."

Dave and Carl were the quickest to adapt to walking on four legs, but each of them somehow managed on three. Clutching their guns, the pair herded us along behind Moon Dancer.

After two long hallways of door-studded walls, Moon Dancer led us to a pair of double-doors that were open. "These are your rooms."

"Dave, sweep the place. Mister Ree, please wait by the door with me," Carl said.

We waited while Dave, the little earth pony with light gray fur and purple mane, searched around our rooms while clutching his M4 machine-gun. I found myself yawning, more than once, but it was Saf who eventually broke the silence.

"Stop moving, Riley. You're not the lightest filly, you know," Saf said.

"You're bigger than me! It should be easy!" Rily said right back.

"Riley," I said. "Climb onto my back. Saffron, you'll need to stand guard with Carl."

Saf's eyes widened, and as Riley pulled herself onto my back, I realized how seriously my son was taking the situation. He moved slowly around Riley and I, putting himself where I was standing, while pushing me to the more protected position.

"I can't see anything in there. And if there is a way in, I don't know it. They picked a windowless suite," Dave said as he walked out of the rooms.

"Okay. Move in and find somewhere comfortable. Can you all remember the turns we took to get here?" Carl asked.

Walking into the room, my mind raced to trace the hallway out. I nodded, and Saf nodded too. Riley was asleep on my back.

"Saf, pick a room and we're all sleeping in it," I said.

I could hear a sigh of relief from both soldiers as we walked toward the nearest room on the left. Reaching the door, I tried my hooves on the handle, but wound up having to use my mouth. I let Saf in, and closed the door behind us.

"Dad, what the heck's going on? Why didn't we just go back?" Saf asked.

Settling Riley down on the bed first, then I climbed up and scooted my daughter—my filly—against my belly. She curled into a tiny ball against me, and made soft, sleepy sounds. "We're here, Saf. This is what we signed up for."

"I'm tiny. You heard what that unicorn said. Fifty? I'm not even halfway to being an adult here!"

"Shh. Keep it down. I know it's confusing right now, but let's sleep on it and work things out tomorrow." As I spoke Saf looked up at me, almost like he expected me to laugh and tell him it was all a joke. "Please?"

"Okay, Dad." Saf climbed up on the bed and, despite his attempts at being the big, rebellious teen, shifted until he was laying curled up at my back.

Clair Ree

"This," I said, "is all messed up, but it's salvageable. How easy is it to send people and things back?"

Starlight Glimmer sat across from me at the table, and behind her were two of the biggest unicorns I'd seen. Big stallions, both white with blue hair, and each had glistening armor and a long spear. Behind me, however, was a pair of colts. Captain Corvinus Bell, a unicorn with light-brown fur and a shock of dark green for his mane and tail. Sergeant Peter Clark, a pegasus with soft, sky-blue fur and bright yellow hair for his mane and tail. Both my guards were naked, but had their M4s.

I know who I'd trust in a close and limited fight, though the unicorn's magic was an unknown. Not that I wanted anything to go that far. It was hard enough keeping my eyes open after the teleport, I have no idea how the soldiers are managing to do the same.

"I can send things almost every five minutes. The reason it takes so long to recharge on the other side is your ambient flux is so low," Starlight Glimmer said.

Starlight Glimmer was just about as unbelievable as Twilight had been. Pinkish coat with two tone hair that also had a highlight in it—light purple, dark purple, and aquamarine. Her hooves were, like Twilight's, split, and she had a leonine tail.

"I'd like to send another message then. As diplomatic communique, I expect you to send them as quickly as possible. Also, please excuse my curtness, this—" I struggled against the pull of sleep. I couldn't actually stop the yawn that exhaustion demanded of me.

"Teleportation takes from those using it, and it takes more the further you travel. This was all allowed for in the teleportation schedule. You can rest if you need it." Genuine concern, at least if Twilight's expressions had taught me anything, colored Starlight Glimmer's features.

She was right. But my request for Frank would kick all kinds of crazy into our schedule. Sitting, thinking, I realized my head was starting to dip. I pulled myself up straight.

"I think it would be better if I came back to it rested. But please send someone to wake me the moment anything comes through." I almost fell sideways at that point, but kept upright by force of will. "And could you please move our things to our rooms?"

"Of course. Right this way." Starlight slid from her chair and opened the door with her magic.

Back on Earth, Twilight had barely used her magic for anything, but here it seemed to be the default way for a unicorn to do everything. It gelled with the idea Starlight had said of Earth not having much magic, but here having a lot.

"Thank you." As I spoke, there was a rush of air pressure—almost like when a big storm was about to hit. A blur of pink told me that the moment Twilight had warned me of was coming. "Captain Bell, don't raise your weapons no matter what is about to—" I didn't get anymore out.

"Gaaaasssspppp!" the pinkest thing I'd ever seen said. She was a pony, of course, but she was entirely pink. Twilight had mentioned this, but it was still a sight to behold. All that pink pony seemed to frizz up at once, and was then gone again.

"Pinkie Pie?" I asked.

"That was Pinkie Pie. How did you know about her?" Starlight Glimmer asked.

"Princess Twilight warned me." I turned around to Bell and Clark, but the pair each had a rosy, pink kiss on the cheek, and they looked shell-shocked. "Captain Bell?"

"S-Sorry, ma'am. I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again," Corvinus Bell said.

"It's alright, Captain. We were warned about this, and it won't cost us anything at all to get a warm welcome out of it." I yawned again because it was impossible to stop.

"Right this way," Starlight Glimmer said.

I focused on my hooves, and found them to be unusually cooperative. I had no wings, no magic, so it stood to reason my four primary assets would serve me well. Bell and Clark were not doing so well. Halfway through the walk I'd demanded they give me their weapons, and even still they barely made it to the suite.

Captain Bell stepped up to the door on wobbling, split-hoofed feet, and tapped on it. "Thunder," he said.

The door opened. "Flash," what sounded like a dead-tired Hendricks said.

Roberto finished pulling the door open with his mouth, and even I could see the tired relief on his face. "Good to see you again, Captain."

I passed Roberto the two rifles, and turned to face Starlight Glimmer. "Please have your soldiers posted to guard our room. If anyone needs anything, we'll poke our heads out."

"We can stand guard, ma'am," Corvinus Bell said, only he yawned and nearly tripped over as he turned to finish saying it.

"Captain, sergeants, I am ordering all of you to sleep." My voice held no compromise and I could see grateful defeat in all four of the colts who were actually hardened soldiers. I was flying on empty, but someone needed to stand strong.

"Right away," Starlight Glimmer said. Her horn flickered, and the four big containers we'd brought with us made popping sounds as they appeared in the room with us. "You'll excuse me, I'll send your guards right away."

The door closed and four wobbly colts were already walking toward the first room on the left. When David Roberto opened the door, I could see my husband and children on the bed asleep already.

A magnet-like force pulled on every fiber of my being, dragging me toward the bed. I didn't want to walk over the soldiers, but they were slow enough I almost stumbled into Captain Bell.

The bed was just as soft and inviting as it looked, and I climbed up onto it, and fit myself against Philip.

The sound of four smaller bodies curling up on the floor was the last thing I heard before sleep pulled me closer to my family.

Author's Note

Saffron: Does he know if electricity, let alone internet, exists in Equestria? The best rig in the world is a paperweight with no juice.

"I have no clue. Seriously. You're probably best asking Riley about all this stuff, she actually watches all the sciency stuff the horse talks about, though I think she just does it because she likes watching anything about the horse." Shrugging my shoulders, I tossed the prepared notes on the floor. "I don't even care anymore. This sucks. So long as I can still play CoD, I don't give a shit what's running it."

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

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