Riley Ree

I knew I was having a nightmare. They wouldn't be nightmares if you didn't know it was happening and didn't remember them. So I knew it was a nightmare, and it was terrible because it was mostly true.

Princess Twilight Sparkle (still the best name I'd ever heard in my whole life), cast her magic and sent us to Equestria! It was just like when we'd come over, but this time I arrived as a little baby. Mom was there, Dad was there, Saffron was there (and wearing a pink bow, which lulled me into a false sense of security), and then I was there too.

Saffron bent over me and sneered. "Pfft, just a baby, and a human! I'm going to go and play with all my pony friends." He stood up, shook the bow out of his mane, and walked away.

"Come back, Saf! Help!" I said, but all that came out was baby noises. I was weak and useless and couldn't even use my phone to call for help!

All around me I saw the backs of ponies, their tails swishing. I wanted to run to them, hug them and laugh with them, but I couldn't move.

"Stop yelling, Riley."

Saffron's voice cut through the nightmare and my sleep. I felt my ears twitch and focus on his voice, and tried to pull myself closer to him. When that didn't work, I opened my eyes to mostly dark room. Mostly dark, because there was a light coming from somewhere behind me that revealed a fancy room, but it was the white pony in front of me that blocked me from getting to Saffron.

With white fur, bright green mane with a pink streak through it, they were laying down right in front of me and tried to hold on. "Want Saf!" I pulled up one of my own pony legs, braced it between me and the white pony, and kicked.

"Riley!"

The white pony, who I now realized was Saffron, flew across the bed and off it. My eyes widened, and struggling with the crazy limbs I had now I crawled over to the edge of the bed. "S-Saf? I didn't recognize you!"

"Crap, Riley, how'd you do that? You're like, half my size." Saffron seemed to be a mess of limbs. He got his hooves straightened out, but his wings looked like they were all over the place.

I couldn't stop a giggle from getting loose. The nightmare was banished with a wash of white fur and green-pink hair. "Where's Mom and Dad?"

"They're talking to everyone outside. Dad didn't want to wake you, so I promised to wait," Saffron said.

Blinking at him, barely believing what I heard, I reached down with both hooves and caught Saffron's shoulders. Pulling for all I was worth, I almost threw him into the air as I dragged him back onto the bed. I wrapped my arms—forelegs I guess—around him and hugged him tight (like a big teddy bear).

"R-Riley?" Saffron's voice sounded silly. "Riley?"

Silly, but worried. I let him go and looked at my brother. "What's the matter, Saf?"

"I couldn't breathe you idiot."

I knew he didn't really mean it, and he was just reacting to me squeezing him, but it still hurt. My view of Saffron got blurry as tears started to flow, and I sniffed loudly.

The softest thing in the world pulled around me and squeezed me to Saffron. Shoving my face against his chest, I couldn't stop crying and whining. "'S no' fair!"

"Tell me about it, Riley."

He used his tone that meant he didn't want me to tell him about it, but I decided to just ignore that and tell him anyway. "Stupid magic sposta make me a pretty p-pony princess." I squeezed Saffron again, but tried to avoid hugging him too tight. "M-M-Made me into a baby horse!"

"Baby horse that can kick her brother across the room with one hoof. Baby horse that can strangle me without even meaning to." Saffron kept holding me, only needing his wing and forelegs to do it.

"You've got wings," I said. It was stupid, he didn't have magic either, but it was important that I tell him he was better than me and that I was the one who had it worse.

"Riley, I don't have wings. I have arms I can't work out how to use, while I grew two new legs. This whole body feels wrong."

"Arms?"

"Yeah. It was fucked u—messed up. When we came here, did you have this slow-mo crap happen?" Saffron started rubbing my neck, which felt really nice. I nodded against him. "Okay. So when you started changing, what did your arms do?"

I wiggled my forelegs. "Duh. I got legs."

"Mine turned into wings. For a moment I was a two-legged horse."

It was impossible not to giggle. "From not enough to too many."

"That's the problem. If I try to do anything with my wings, my front legs move. If I do anything with my front legs, my wings move a lot. And just look at you, Riley. You might be small, but holy crap how strong are you?" Saffron's voice sounded genuinely impressed. "You could—like—suplex a car and shit."

I poked him, gently, in the chest. "That's two swear words. I'm gonna tell Dad."

"And I'll tell him you beat me up."

Saffron had never beaten on me, and he hadn't even roughed me up while being silly, but he was always bigger than me. Now I actually felt a little worry that he would tattle on me—mostly because it was true.

"One swear word?" I asked.

Shaking his head, Saffron booped my nose with one huge hoof. "How about I give you a ride outside, and we forget all the swear words, midget." It was about then I realized how adorable he looked as a pony. My big brother should wear a bow in his mane, just like—like the good part of the dream.

"No swear words, I get a pony ride, and you don't tattle on me… and I get to tie a pink bow in your mane," I said.

"No. Way."

"What about if I braid your mane?"

"Maybe."

"Pig-tails!"

"No, Riley."

I couldn't help it. I started giggling as I reached for his mane, only to realize how hard it was to actually braid with hooves. "This sucks. I can't braid your mane like this!"

"We'll get used to it, Riley." Saffron rolled off the bed himself this time and got a silly look as he slowly folded his wings down at his sides. "Get on."

My own trip across the bed was worse than Saffron's. My legs were fine when I focused on each one, but getting them working together was literally impossible. Eventually I made it across to him, and pulled myself up onto his back.

"Hold on tight—but not too tight," Saffron said.

Leaning forward, I wrapped my arms—forelegs—around Saffron's neck and tried my best not to choke him. When he took a step, I tightened my grip.

Saffron didn't ask if I was okay, he just kept walking. After a few steps, I relaxed my grip a little. The way he walked was a little odd, but I could handle it best by just flopping completely over his back.

"You look really pretty, Saf," I said.

"Hey, Riley?" Saffron asked.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." He walked the rest of the way to the door, then tried to reach out to the handle with a wing.

Everything got messed up fast. When Saffron lifted his wing, he lifted his foreleg too, only he must have had his weight on it, because he started to fall over. Then, to stop from falling over, he reached out with a wing and his other leg buckled.

I had two options, either I could get crushed under my huge brother as he rolled to the ground, or I could jump! Kicking off from Saffron's back, I landed on the floor and rolled a few times.

"Uh! I hate this fucking body!" Saffron lay on his back and kicked his legs angrily. "No computer is worth putting up with this shit!"

Rolling over to my belly, I shoved downward with my legs until I was standing. With shaky steps I approached my brother, who was still saying lots of bad words. When I reached his side, I pushed one hoof against his foreleg and pushed.

Saffron was right, I was strong. He went quiet as I pushed him to his side, then adjusted myself and pushed him to his belly. "Come on, Saf. We said we'd come here, so let's do the best we can. Now, stand up!"

"It doesn't matter, Riley. I can't reach the door with my mouth. If I can't get it with my wing I won't be getting us out."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay. Okay. Jeez." Saffron struggled to his hooves, and then spent an extra minute tucking his wings down. Personally, I thought he was getting better at it, but I wouldn't admit that to him. "Now what?"

I walked to the door and braced all four legs as best I could. "Get your butt over here, mister, and use my back as a step." I know I sounded just like Dad, I didn't care. When I didn't hear him moving, I turned my head to see him staring at me in shock. "What? Come on!"

"Shit, Riley." He finally started walking over and lifted one shaking hoof to my back. I could feel him putting weight on it, and finally stretching up higher, but it wasn't much at all—maybe I was really strong?

The sound of the door handle working made me smile. "You got it?"

"Y-Yeah. This was pretty clever, midget." Saffron stepped down off my back and moved back from the door.

Reaching out a hoof, I flung the door open and looked out into the brightly lit room. The light dazzled me for a moment, but I realized two other colts (a bit bigger than Saffron) were holding what looked like guns. "Uh. Hi?"

"Madam Ambassador?" one of the colts (a brown and green one) asked.

Mom—I don't know how I knew it's Mom, I just do—turned around and smiled. She looked so pretty! "There's my little girl. Excuse me a moment, Miss Glimmer."

I didn't wait for Mom to walk over. Since I'd mastered my legs, I decided to run over and hug my mommy. Memories of seeing horses run, majestic animals that glided over the ground, were all I needed. Taking off as fast as I could, I got halfway to Mom before I realized I really didn't know what I was doing.

One forehoof came down at the right time, but the second one came down and pushed me to the side. I wobbled, and suddenly the ground was coming up to say hello. Then it stopped. Actually, everything stopped.

The world had turned a shade of greeny-blue. I was glowing! I was flying! Wait, floating!

Mom rushed over to me and sat down so she could reach out and pluck me from the air. The light was gone, but I didn't care—I hugged my mommy tight.

"Thank you, Starlight," Mom said.

"Starlight?" I asked.

"Oh, it's no problem. Couldn't have your filly falling over and hurting herself." Starlight Glimmer (I remembered the name, and could work out who she was) smiled at me and waved a hoof. She was a real, live unicorn! She looked so pretty, with amazing hair and fur and a horn and tail and hooves and everything!

I squirmed in Mom's grip, trying to get down so I could go over and look at the unicorn some more. When she finally set me on the floor, I walked (avoiding the harder running stuff) around the room until I could see her.

Starlight Glimmer sat on the couch and looked back. She was basically a cuter pony than Saffron in every possible way. She had three colors in her mane, and she was pink! Like me! "Thank you!" I said.

"You're very welcome. You're Riley?" Starlight asked. I nodded back, of course. "Well, Riley, I think you need to work on your canter, but otherwise you did very well for your first time at running."

I jumped up with my front end to get on the couch, but considering the cushions started above my head, it was a losing battle—until more of the glowing magic lifted me right up beside Starlight. "That's so awesome!"

"You have children—foals—of your own, Starlight?" Mom sat down on the other couch, and faced Starlight across the coffee table.

Saffron Ree

I tried to ignore Mom and the unicorn—they'd be talking politics. Instead, I walked over to one of the other colts. I knew they weren't really colts, or young, but rather trained soldiers. "Hey," I said, keeping my tone relaxed. "This is kinda messed up, right?"

"Saffron Ree, isn't it?" the brown-furred unicorn marine asked, to which I nodded. "That depends if you are asking as the ambassador's son."

I shrugged. "I'm just asking."

"Then yeah, this is all kinds of SNAFU. Apparently we're too young to be guards here, but we can't leave without another guard group arriving, and now that we're here, we're the most knowledgeable and trained soldiers for this environment. Messed up is a good start, though, but hey, we're in this together. I'm Captain Bell, and this is Sergeant Clark."

"Worked out how to control those things yet?" Clark asked me.

"What, these?" I turned my head and nosed at my wings. "No way. Every time I take a step it feels like I'm going to snap them out again, and if I try to use 'em for anything, bam, I fall over."

Clark groaned. "Tell me about it. Still, they ain't takin' me home from this. I swore an oath to serve, no matter what, and I'll do it."

It was the strangest thing, they just spoke to me. Treated me like an adult. Everyone else I'd ever spoken to—except maybe Jeff—had always tried to talk down to me. Turns out I had to be turned into a pony to become a man.

Then an idea hit me.

"I saw a thing once, where looking at images of arms or legs helps amputees. Maybe the reason we can't get this worked out is because we can't see them?" I said.

Both soldiers' heads snapped around before returning to looking ahead. Sergeant Clark said, "That's a good suggestion, Saffron. Damn good."

"C-Can you just call me Saf?" I asked.

"Shit, Saf's fine. If you work out a way to get us moving better, I'll call you whatever the fuck you want." Sergeant Clark ignored his captain's glare to grin to me. "Sir, I know you don't want us swearin', but under the circumstances it—"

"Relax, Sergeant. Just try to keep the language on the down-low," Captain Bell said. "And, Saf, if you have any other ideas, let me know."

"Sure." It felt good to be useful, but I'd rather be useful and have my computer. I opened my mouth to ask if there was anything to do, when a knock came at the door.

Both soldiers turned and moved back from the door, and Captain Bell said, "Come in."

The door slowly opened, and a monster walked in. Standing upright, the creature was about twice as tall as I was, had a pair of bat-like wings, claws, teeth, and a smile. "Hey, everypony. I brought some drinks and some food."

"Thank you, Spike," the unicorn on the couch said. Her horn lit up, and I watched the tray in "Spike's" grip lift into the air.

My brain finally whirled the details enough to take a guess at what the big purple creature was. "Y-Y-You're a dragon?"

"What gave it away?" Spike asked.

I couldn't help staring up at him—he was huge. "Wings," I said.

Spike looked over his shoulder, seemingly noticing his wings for the first time. "Yeah, they really bring the whole dragon-thing together. Hey, you wanna hear how I got them?"

Turning, I looked at Mom—who smiled and nodded. I turned back to Spike. "Yeah!"

"Come on then. I was just restocking my hoard—books—in the library." And, with that, Spike turned around and walked out the guarded door.

Frozen in panic, I watched him move, all his muscled size, and realized how freakin' crazy this world was going to be. I shook my head, put one hoof out, and started walking after him. "How far away's the library?" I asked.

"It's on the second floor. So, what's your name?" Spike asked as we walked past the big Equestrian guards standing outside the rooms. Again I realized how big he was—Spike towered above even the stallions.

"S-S-Saffron, but you can call me Saf," I said.

"Like the spice? That stuff really brings a dish together. Your mom must really love food to name you after the some of the best." Spike seemed to slow down for me, giving me the incentive to fight my legs and walk faster.

"I guess. I hadn't thought of it like that before. Are there more dragons?" As we walked, I realized I could feel the faintest jolt to the floor each time Spike took a step. I half expected there to be holes in the floor behind us—dragon-foot shaped.

"Oh, there's tons. Some are tons bigger than me. You might even see Dragon Lord Ember if she visits you guys. She's the ruler of all the dragons." Spike marched right up to a huge staircase—a staircase I froze at. "What's wrong?"

"I'm still getting used to the whole walking-on-four-legs thing. Is there anywhere on the first floor we can talk?" I asked.

Spike raised an eyebrow and then looked up at the landing above us. "How much do you weigh, Saf?" Before I could think of a reply, Spike picked me up under one of his arms, spread his wings, and took off.

I stiffened for the first few flaps, but when I realized he was handling my weight fine, and had a good grip on me, I almost exploded. "You're flying!"

"Yeah," Spike said.

"And—And—" I was lost for words for the rest of the short flight to the second floor balcony. When Spike put me down, my legs almost folded up. "That was amazing!"

"What? You're a pegasus. You'll be flying soon as well." Spike started walking down the hallway nearest where we stood. "Come on, the library's this way."

"Uh. Actually…?" Now that my body was moving, I could feel things wanting to get out. "Is there a bathroom nearby?" Urgency entered my voice, and I could see Spike picked up on it by his nod.

Spike made an abrupt turn at the next hall, and thankfully my body seemed onboard with keeping my dignity intact. "Right down here. Second-last on the left."

I barely waited for him to finish talking. My hooves sped up, and as I reached the door I jumped to grab the handle with my mouth. I slipped, skidded on the floor, and barely managed to keep from making the worst mess of my life.

"I got you."

There was not a lot more embarrassing than not being able to work doors—particularly this door. I wasn't going to argue, and instead rushed inside.

The bathroom was a full one, surrounded with mirror-walls. There was a big white tub on one side, a shower on the other, and at the end was what looked like a little drain with a toilet flusher above it. Man up, Saf, time to poop like a horse.

There was only two possible ways to stand over the stall—at least for an adult pony. I picked the way that had me facing the flusher and stood there for a few seconds to get a feel for it. Okay, there was pressure at the back and pressure underneath. Back was obvious, as was underneath. What I had no clue about was what to do next.

It was about then that my body decided it'd had enough. Instinctively, my tail lifted and I felt my bowels let go and… it worked. Things just happened, with the loss of control behind, underneath followed. Everything seemed on automatic, and I managed to relax.

By the time behind and underneath both stopped, I felt both relieved and happy. I'd conquered part of this already, and I wasn't even a pony for twenty-four hours! Then I felt my tail start to lower—the thing was like automatic—and panic set in.

"Wait, wait, wait! I haven't cleaned up yet!" I tried to feel those muscles that relaxed, but just as I figured out at least what part of me was relaxing, I felt my tail touch my butt. Wincing, I struggled again and felt the muscle start to twitch. That had my tail muscle located, and with a force of awesome willpower, my tail slowly went up again.

Turning, I looked into a mirror on one side, caught the reflection of my butt on the other, and saw all the parts of me I didn't ever want to see. It looked odd, kinda puckered and sticking out, but it was clean. "Okay, and my tail is fine. Guess I just flush this thing."

There wasn't a chain, or a push button, but at last I saw the tile on the floor that looked different to the rest. Stepping on it caused a rush of water to cascade over the platform, and everything I'd been worrying about was suddenly gone. I'd never been so happy in my life as when I heard the familiar sound of water running down a drain.

Turning back for the door, I approached it and stopped. "Uh, Spike!"

The door opened slowly, though Spike didn't poke his head in. "You work everything out?"

I nodded, then realized he was purposefully not looking in. "Yeah. Things are sorted and—uh—do you know if I need to wash anything? Kinda new at this."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Spike asked.

Again I nodded. "Sure," I said.

"I have no idea! Dragons work different. Slow metabolism, lots of massive-carbon foods. I only need one good meal a month. Same deal with the bathroom," Spike said.

"Damn," I said. "Now I wish I was a dragon instead."

Reaching for the door with one foreleg, I shuffled awkwardly around the doorway until I got my head through the gap and shoved it open. I froze again and took in the scale of Spike the dragon. He was huge compared to me, but he certainly seemed awesome enough.

"How old are you, Saf?" he asked.

"Seventeen."

Spike held out his hand, showed off the claws on the end, then he lowered down until he was about half my height. "That'd make you a dragon about this big. I'm almost eighty, and dragon growth is even more complicated than this nuts conversion you've got going on.

"Dragons grow normally, but we have—well—a hoard. Once we reach about sixty, we can start growing just from our hoard. I had a bit of an accident—before I even got my wings—and turned huge. These days I have a hoard, but I understand the value of it, and what it means to me. So I'm still small, for now."

"So that's how it works? We have tons of movies and books about dragons back home, but none of them seem to focus on what life's like for dragons, and I don't think you're the same kind of dragon. So how big's your hoard?" I asked.

The hallways all seemed kinda the same, but Spike seemed to know the way. He pushed open a pair of double-doors, and I swear I heard a happy sigh rumble from him. "This," he said, gesturing into the room, "is my hoard."

I stepped inside the expansive room. It was huge, yet claustrophobic. "Where? I just see books."

"Don't ever let Twilight hear you say that." Spike laughed at a joke I didn't, apparently, get. "Anyway. This is my hoard. It was only one or two at first, and that helped me stay small, but then Twilight got busy, and I started looking after the place. Next thing I know I grow tall enough that my crest rubs against the ceiling of some rooms, and Smolder is asking me out on a date."

"You've got a girlfriend?" I asked.

Spike blushed—a fucking dragon just blushed—and nodded.

"Alright man! Put it there!" I held my hoof up, not realizing until it was too late that I didn't have the means to give a high-five—which is why I was surprised when Spike balled up a hand and bumped my hoof. I lowered my leg as if I had intended that all along.

Shaking off my surprise that guys were still guys here, I looked around the huge library. It wasn't that it seemed big to my smaller size, but that the place was massive. There were books everywhere, wall-to-wall, and stacked taller than Spike stood.

"Yeah. There's a lot of good books here," he said, somehow knowing I was so shocked by the size of the place.

"How many books do you have?"

"Uh…" Spike turned his head this way and that, narrowed his eyes, and then smiled. "Two hundred and fifteen thousand, six hundred and two."

"Exactly?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm a dragon and this is my hoard. I know how many books are here, where each is, and even the ones ponies have borrowed." He walked over to the wall and lifted one book out. "This one was the first Twilight ever got. You should take it for your dad."

"What?" I was a bit confused. "Aren't dragons supposed to kill people for taking stuff from their hoard?"

"Kill people? This is a library. I like lending books out. I am a librarian after all." He walked down the row of books, hand out and casually brushing each book as he passed. Spike even hummed. "Anything you might be interested in? Maybe a history book?"

I scoffed. "History book? Man. And I thought you were cool."

"This one," Spike said, "Was written by a friend about a big fight that happened over thirty thousand years ago. She was there."

Despite myself I was interested—it wasn't like my computer'd be turning up for a week or so. "Hold on. How can you know her if it happened thousands of years ago, and you're not a hundred yet?"

To my horror, Spike reached for a second book. "Then you'll want this one, too. It wasn't written by Somnambula, but by Stygian—one of her friends. This one's signed, so please be careful with it."

"You're worse than my teachers and—uh…" I looked at the small stack of books he had, then turned and looked at myself. "Where do I put them?"

"I am a teacher, Saf. Twilight runs a school as well as her share of duties with Equestria. I've been helping out there, but Twilight said for me to come and make sure your Mom got everything she needed. So here I am keeping her son entertained." There was a load of sarcasm in his voice that was unmistakable.

"I bet he's pretty cool," I said.

"Who, her son? Nah, he's kinda lame and doesn't like books. Besides, he keeps complaining about how cool dragons are." Spike walked to one side and picked up what looked like a pair of old backpacks that were joined together.

I walked after Spike, curiosity getting the better of me. "Would he be less lame if he read books?" To my shock, Spike dropped the backpacks on my back. They hung evenly one both sides like they were made to be there. Duh. Of course they were made to be there.

"I don't know. Maybe if he said how awesome dragons are it might help his coolness." Lifting the books up, Spike put the smaller two into one side of the backpacks and the heavy one the other side to balance it.

"Alright. Hell. Dragons are cool," I said.

"Much cooler."

"And sarcastic."

"Also true. Wanna go back down now, or do some reading?" Spike really didn't seem fussed about either option.

Thinking for a few moments, I realized it was pretty cool to get away from my family, and he was right—dragons are cool and sarcastic. At least, all the dragons I'd met so far were. "I could hang out and read, I guess."

As I spoke, it became apparent which option Spike was actually happier to do, and I'd picked right. His smile grew, and without even looking he just reached out and selected a book off the shelf. "There's some comfortable couches and things down that way."

I walked in the direction Spike had pointed, getting more used to four legs by being careful not to trip with the books slung over my back. It wasn't far to the reading area, but by the time I reached it my legs were starting to wobble.

A clawed hand plucked the packs off my back and lifted them aside. "Which one do you want first?" he asked.

"The fight one. I'm not tired enough to sleep." I didn't manage to put dragon levels of sarcasm into my voice, but I managed to get a chuckle from Spike.

Spike waited for me to settle with my chosen book before he approached the big fireplace at the end of the room. He lifted a solid log of wood into it, then pursed his lips and blew. My book was forgotten as I witnessed a real live dragon breathing real (but not live) green fire. The log caught after just a second or two of breathing and started to crackle.

"Ho—ly shit," I said.

Looking way too smug for his own good, Spike curled up close to the fire and started reading his own book.

Opening the cover of the book, I read the title: The Pillars of Equestria vs The Terrible Sirens by Somnambula. I'd heard about sirens before, but my brain couldn't give me much more than them being sea monsters. I flicked past the opening pages until I found the story.

Author's Note

Equestrians: how do you feel that the colts probably have 30 years of active combat experience between them?

"Sir! I've not been given leave to have an opinion. Princess Celestia herself told me to come here and do as instructed, and to ensure nopony gets hurt. That's my job, and that's what I do well. That said, from what I've been told by Starlight Glimmer, these ponies are from another world—like the ones from the Mirror World—but with a slight hiccup in the teleportation system." The big white stallion hadn't blinked nor so much as looked anywhere but straight ahead the whole time he spoke.

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

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