Integration

A/N: THAT PUN IN THE TITLE WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL, I SWEAR.

The sun princess sat on a ridiculously ornate cushion high atop her palace in the Solar Room. Her forelegs crossed themselves and rested aside her calmly.

“No distractions.”

Her horn glowed with the power of a goddess, and the room shook with a fury comparable to that of an earthquake.

Her dear sister, Princess Luna was sitting in front of her, on an identically-shaped pillow, but palette swapped to match the Moon Princess’s dark blue coat and overall darker color scheme.

Celestia did this sort of thing all the time for their biweekly chess game. Luna wasn’t amused.

“Tia, art thou going to make thy move, or must we come back another time?”

“No, no Luna. You’re going to want to see this.”

Her horn glowed brighter, and eventually an overglow appeared. Apparently Celestia was straining with the spell. Her lips curled in a pained expression. It seemed the sun god was about to pass out.

And then it all faded, the spell was gone. Or she would have assumed it was, had Luna not looked down at the chessboard.

To the moon princess’s everlasting shock, the pieces of the board had turned to actual soldiers fighting a mock battle. Celestia’s lighter colored army was winning.

Pawn after pawn of Luna’s beloved soldiery fell at the hands of Celestia’s. It was the Nightmare Moon fiasco all over again.

No. This will not happen.

She activated her Royal Canterlot Voice and yelled at her knights whose skill was unbecoming of a royal guardstallion. Miniature ones, but still.

“GET OFF THY HAUNCHES AND START WINNING! I WANT THE QUEEN’S HEAD ON A SPEAR! DOST THIS, AND THEE WILL BE REWARDED!”

The tiny guards charged forward with renewed vigor, pinning several of Celestia’s Pawns and one of her bishops to the board, before getting slaughtered by a waiting Rook. The wooden carnage was truly something to behold.

“Having trouble, dear Luna?”

Celestia was enjoying this.

“No. No. It’s just a game.” Luna said, albeit unconvincingly.

“Sure. Yes. A game.”

Pretty soon, Celestia’s soldiers had all but won, until the Black Queen, a tiny replica of Luna herself stepped into the fray. Her doppelganger proceeded to sweep the floor with Celestia’s exhausted remaining troops, until there was only Celestia’s queen, a white pinnacle of purity and fiery compassion. It was truly a battle for the ages – Solar vs. Lunar. The Star vs. the Moon. Truly, a magnificent and long battle was about to-

In a tiny flash of light, Luna’s doppelganger was reduced to ash.

“Well, that was anticlimactic.” Luna deadpanned.

“Don’t feel bad. Someday you’ll win.”

A knock sounded throughout the room.

“Tia… the door.”

“You locked it, remember.”

“Oh! That I did.”

Luna jumped up to her hooves and trotted over to the ornate door leading to the rest of the castle. Her horn glowed a deep purple and it swung open.

Standing in the Archway was none other than Feather Duster, Celestia’s sexy-maid-come-trusted-advisor. The maids in the castle wore the skimpiest outfits, and Feather Duster was no different. Of course, hers was slightly skimpier than the rest, her being Celestia’s personal handmaiden and all.

Her light blue eyes stared up at the moon princess.

“Well, good afternoon, Princess Lunaaa~!” Feather Duster gave a bit of a sing-songy tail to the end of her name.

“Ah, um… Afternoon, Feather. Hast thou come hither to speak to Celestia?”

She closed her eyes and nodded happily. Luna let her in.

“We shall leave for now. If thou need us, we shall be in our room.”

“Actually, Princess Luna… You’ll need to hear this.”

That didn’t sound good. The only occasion that Luna was needed to be present in a day meeting was several years ago, back when Discord-

Okay. Serious face on. This can’t be good.

“What is the problem, loyal handmaiden?”

“Celestia, please. Call me Feather.”

Tia giggled a bit.

Feather Duster ignored the Solar Princess’s antics and stated the situation in as serious a voice as possible.

“At roughly 8*35 SC (Solar Cycle) this morning, an unknown creature appeared lying in front of the Ponyville Town Hall. The creature was obviously in disarray and unconscious. Transdimensional Affairs picked him up before too much chaos could erupt in the town. The situation’s cover story has been maintained thus far, and it appears we’re in the clear for now.”

“Who’s the agent in charge?”

“Director Heartstrings is overseeing the situation personally, I’m told. It appears she knows the species relatively well.”

“What exactly is the species’ name?”

“Erm… Hang on, it’s in the casefile.”

Feather reached her head back and rummaged her snout around in her saddlebags.

Celestia loved the flexibility Feather possessed. It almost made her want to have hot gooey ‘relations’ with her loyal maid.

Finally, Feather Duster pulled out a tan envelope which Luna promptly floated away to look at.

“The creature seems contradictory. No hooves and limited galloping speed. Instead of forehooves, it has… hands of a sort. Similar to the ones Minotaurs and dragons possess, but considerably less bulky. All in all, the being seemingly evolved for bipedal locomotion in an upright fashion, all characteristics of the mythical creature known only as-”

“Humans.” Celestia concluded.

Luna looked up from the file, seemingly in agreement with her sister.

“Prithee, hast thou besought to start the protocol?”

“Heartstrings has apparently opened diplomatic relations with the creature and is addressing that as we speak.”

***

“Ooh, ‘F-U-S-I-O-N’! Triple word score, too!” Lyra announced.

Yeah, I’m playing Scrabble with Lyra. Don’t judge me.

“Don’t get too cocky, Lyra. I’ll want a rematch when I’m not…”

I looked at my bonds.

“…otherwise occupied.”

“You know the rules. I can’t let you free until the psych scan is done. We can’t let a raving sociopath roam the halls of the facility.”

“Yeah, I guess I can understand that.”

We sat in silence for a bit while Lyra stared at the scanner’s screen. This whole place is fascinationg, really. In the show, there wasn’t nearly as much technology as can be found in just this room. Granted, magical technology, but who’s counting?

The machine beeped 3 times, and a printout emerged from a nearby dot-matrix printer. Lyra floated the results in front of her so she could read them.

“Hmm… I honestly couldn’t have called that.”

“What?” I asked.

“Your psych profile is comparable to that of the average pony. Kind, tolerant, Compassionate. Based on some other humans that have come through here, (Well, their post-mortem scans, really) you are basically a Pony among Griffons.”

She may not have thought I understood the metaphor but I did.

“Uh huh.” I said flatly

“Well, let’s get you off of that awful table and down to Integration. It might sound bad, but, despite the name it’s actually really fun!”

Lyra’s horn glowed and my restraints unlatched. I was free.

“Of course, you can’t leave the facility. For one, the resulting bureaucratic incident would be nearly impossible to contain, and there’s the minor fact that simply being in Equestria before integration will kill you.”

“Say what?”

“The magical aura permeating most of Equestria is rapidly lethal to you humans. I believe that to you, it would be comparable to high-intensity Gamma radiation, but on a much higher scale. You’ll die in minutes.”

“Then how am I still alive?”

“This facility has been specially constructed to filter out said magical aura. That, and we got to you quickly enough before the more severe symptoms set in. You’ve actually been unconscious for days here.

“Where was I found?”

“By the ‘Return of Harmony’ monument. It signifies the defeat of Discord by the Elements of Harmony. You’ll learn more once you’re in Integration.”

“Not like I have anywhere else to be. Thanks for patching me up, Miss. We’ll meet up later for that rematch?”

“You bet your sweet flank we will! Bye Joe!”

And with that, I walked down the hall… Perhaps to my doom. But hopefully not.