Friendship is Manic

With Spike in tow, Twilight dashed out of Sugarcube Corner and slammed right into a flash of offwhite ivory and deepest indigo. Knocked back to the ground and taking Spike down with him, Twilight gasped as his hands flew to his horn. A jarring shudder shot through him from its tip, the odd spark or two sizzling into the air in angry reds and yellows.

“I’m so sorry!” Twilight managed to blurt between bouts of gritting his teeth as more jabs of bone-rattling agony jolted from his horn. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” replied a smooth bass of a voice, filtered through an oddly familiar tone, though Twilight couldn’t quite place it, like a puzzle piece that should have fit but was just the slightest bit off. “You’ve committed upon me the gravest of offenses, the most heinous of crimes, the worst possible thing you could have done. How could I be alright?!”

“Uh...” Twilight said, still gently massaging the base of his horn as he picked himself up off the floor. “I’m sorry I ran into you, sir, but I’d hardly call a simple accident a ‘heinous crime’.”

Looking down at the other pony he’d inadvertently knocked to the ground, Twilight saw a statuesque stallion wearing an immaculately tailored and well-pressed suit that would have looked posh even on Canterlot’s upper crust. Their collision had caused the other stallion’s solid gold pocket watch to pop out of his pocket and disheveled the rose tucked into his lapel, not to mention knocked off his top hat.

Nevertheless, he didn’t look to be in pain as Twilight had. Even though he also looked to be a unicorn, and Twilight guessed their horns crashing had caused the sudden return of his horn-ache, the other unicorn didn’t so much as check his own horn for possible damage.

“You’ve committed murder!” the other stallion snarled, glaring up at Twilight so intensely that his narrowed brow sent a crack through his monocle.

“Murder?” Twilight echoed. “What are you talking about?”

“My suit!” the other unicorn said, as if it should have been obvious. “You’ve ruined it. There’s dirt everywhere!”

“Your suit isn’t a person,” Twilight noted. “Also, there’s just a tiny smudge of dirt in a few places. Nothing a simple wash wouldn’t clean.”

The other unicorn remained silent, his snarl intensifying to the point that his monocle shattered.

Twilight warily backed up.

“Spike?” Twilight said at last. “Help me out, here.”

When Spike also didn’t reply, Twilight glanced back to see Spike staring wide-eyed at the other unicorn.

“Uh, Spike?” Twilight asked, waving a hand in front of Spike’s face, prompting no response other than a mumbled whisper. “What was that?”

“He’s so cool!” Spike suddenly cheered, rushing up to the other unicorn, walking around him, taking him in from all sides. “He’s like a real-life secret agent!”

“If he was a secret agent, he wouldn’t look like a secret agent,” Twilight pointed out.

“I know!” Spike said. “But he looks so cool he might be one anyway.”

“I’m glad to see that at least one soul around here appreciates the gravity of personal appearance,” the other unicorn said, his scowl softening at last as he gave a small smile to Spike. “Sir Rarity the Third, at your service.”

“Spike the dragon,” Spike said, offering Rarity a hand and doing his best to help the unicorn up. “Number one assistant to Twilight Sparkle.”

“You’ve been knighted?” Twilight asked, sounding doubtful. “I don’t recall seeing the name ‘Rarity’ in the royal registry of honored citizens.”

“A simple formality, and one that shall soon be...” Rarity began before trailing off, taking a second look at Twilight. “Did you say ‘Twilight Sparkle?’ As in, apprentice to Princess Celestia?”

“Yes,” Twilight said, extending his hand with a sheepish smile. “I wish we could have had a smoother first meeting, but it’s nice to make your acquaintance. Speaking of which... Uh, what are you doing?”

Rarity had knelt onto one knee, lowering his head in a manner Twilight had only ever seen ponies enact during knighting ceremonies.

“Think nothing of it, Your Grace,” Rarity said, putting an extra oomph into that almost-familiar tone of his, something Twilight realized was an imitation of a Canterlot accent. “In fact, I must thank you for bestowing upon me the gift of your mere presence, let alone physical contact.”

“Uh...” Twilight uttered. “You’re welcome?”

“I also simply must apologize for the monstrous way I acted towards you over the simplest of trifles; t’was nothing but a bit of dirt on the suit I crafted myself over countless hours of skill and toil,” Rarity went on. “To make things I right, I hereby pledge my undying loyalty to you, Prince Twilight Sparkle of the House of the Sun.”

“Whoa!” Twilight gasped. “Thanks for letting bygones be bygones, but there’s really no need for that. I’m not even a prince, I’m just Celestia’s student.”

“Close enough,” Rarity said, standing with a smile and donning his tophat, making him tower over Twilight all the more. “From this day forward, I shall act as your personal knight in all endeavors.”

Twilight was silent for another moment.

“Are you trying to butter me up in the hopes that I’ll put in a good word to Celestia for you?” Twilight asked. “Is this so you can become a ‘real’ knight?”

“Where in Equestria would you get that idea?” Rarity asked nervously. “Perish the thought. May any eventual knighthoods I receive be purely the result of my having earned them, defending you from harm, protecting your honor, ensuring your--”

“No, thanks,” Twilight said. “Come on, Spike.”

“Wait!” Spike and Rarity both blurted at once.

“I can help you!” Rarity said. “Whatever it is, I can do it!”

“He’s so cool!” Spike added. “And you still need noble heroes for your quest, right?”

“Spike!” Twilight snapped, but it was too late. Already, Rarity’s eyes lit up as his sculpted smile turned upwards in a most meticulously devious way.

“A quest?” Rarity said. “Of course! Why else would Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia send her beloved apprentice beyond the refined defenses of Canterlot if not on a most epic journey? I can aid you in your quest, Prince Twilight. You’ll find no nobler, no more self-sacrificing, no more fashionable soul in all the land.”

“...Fine,” Twilight grumbled at last. “But you better be ready for a real quest. The fate of Equestria depends on it.”

“The fate of what depends on what, now?” asked a scratchy, androgynous voice.

Twilight winced as he looked up to see Rainbow Dash coasting in to land next to them, holding a case of apple cider emblazoned with the Sweet Apple Acres logo.

Slightly behind Rainbow Dash, another pegasus landed, a toned, creamy-yellow stallion with a bright pink mane and tail. Like Rainbow, his mane and tail were unusually long for a stallion, but to a much greater degree. Although he was nowhere near as muscled as Applejack or Big Mac had been, his strong features combined with his silky mane and tail created quite a striking image. If it weren’t for his slumped shoulders, the way he avoided direct eye contact, and the enormously oversized leafy green sweater and worn jeans, he may well have looked like a model.

“Hello again, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight greeted. “Nothing important, just sorting out a few basic details with the newest pony interested in that, er, forest excursion I told you about.”

“The treasure hunt?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Speaking of, I hope you don’t mind, but I invited my old pal Fluttershy here along. He knows the Everfree Forest better than anypony. Also, have you asked Pinkie Pie?”

“Treasure hunt?” Rarity echoed.

“I think we may have to ask Pinkie Pie to sit this one out,” Twilight said a bit too loudly. “We went in to discuss the matter with him, and, well... He seems to be busy with his baking.”

“Pinkie Pie is baking?!” Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy all gasped in unison.

“Welcome to Ponyville!” shouted an already familiar cheery voice from behind Twilight as what felt like a literal explosion of confetti rocketed him forward. “Your welcome cake is finally ready!”

Twilight stumbled enough to keep his balance and turned to see that the front of Sugarcube Corner had blown open, buckets and buckets worth of confetti fluttering down through the air. Pinkie Pie stood in the epicenter of the colorful burst, proudly holding a cake on a tray. Oddly enough, although the shade of lavender in the icing and a few other key elements looked the same as they had when Twilight first saw the cake, the rest was most definitely very, very different.

The cupcakes that had been shoved into what would have been Twilight’s upper torso were gone, as if they had never been there. Truth be told, it was probably a different cake. Though the pony presented in icing and pastry looked very much like Twilight, it was unmistakably a mare, as if Twilight had had a twin sister. The not-quite-Twilight was also nude.

“Your destiny awaits, Twilight Sparkle!” Pinkie Pie said with a beaming smile. “Your doom shall be a delicious dessert for the dreadfully devolved darkness.”

“First, please tell me you all heard him say that last part,” Twilight said, clutching his chest as he tried to stop his rapid heartbeat from sending him into a fit of hypervillation. “Second, what the ever-loving silver strands of Starswirl the Bearded’s beard was that?”

“Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash said cautiously, carefully setting down his case of apple cider and slowly approaching Pinkie with his hands raised and ready. “Have you been baking again?”

“Just a little,” Pinkie Pie said with a sheepish smile. “Not much. Not enough to let in the taste out of space.”

“You know that’s not how it works, Pinkie old chum,” Rarity said, placing himself between Pinkie and Twilight. “You’re not supposed to bake anything, just help with what Mister and Misses Cake make.”

“I know, but where’s the fun in that?” Pinkie said with a small frown. “Baking is my passion. I love it! Can’t I just do a little now and then? It’s not like I’m friends with the Faceless Flavors or anything. I’d never let them into my recipes on purpose!”

“We know you don’t mean any harm, Pinkie,” Fluttershy spoke, his voice quiet, yet comforting. “But remember what happened last time. Remember the goats, and Mayor Mare’s leg, and the thing locked in the basement.”

“...Fine,” Pinkie Pie relented at last.

Taking out a book of matches, Pinkie set Twilight’s oddly female welcome cake onto the ground and lit it on fire. The icing, the cake, and even the tray went up in flames, dissolving into thick, noxious, dark fumes that formed, deformed, and reformed into what looked like agonized faces as they wafted up and away, fading in the sunlight and on the breeze. If Twilight concentrated, he could have sworn he heard faint screams.

Everypony else present let loose a sigh of relief.

“What...?” Twilight uttered blankly.

“It’s a long story,” Pinkie Pie said with another small smile. “After the ‘big thing’ happens, I’ll tell you about it sometime. For now, let’s just say that I made a mistake a long time ago, and it’s haunted me ever since. When you make a silly face at the void, the void makes a silly face back.”

“Rarity aside,” Spike whispered to Twilight. “Are you sure these are the ‘noblest, most heroic’ souls Ponyville has to offer?”

“Rarity included,” Twilight whispered back. “Beggers can’t be choosers.”

All at once, a dull dusk fell across those assembled. Looking up, Twilight saw what should have been the bright glare of the midmorning sun dim all across the town plaza. Ponies looked up from their chatter and market vending in confusion. A tense hush fell across the crowd as, one by one, everypony’s gaze shifted in one direction, each shielding their eyes.

Following their gaze, Twilight and the others looked up as well to see a smaller dark disc creeping its way into the path of the sun. The dark disc cut off a small chunk of luminance, as if taking a bite out of the sun itself.

“Is that the moon?” Spike asked.

“It’s starting already,” Twilight gulped. “We need to hurry.”