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Displaced: Adventures In Equestria
Prologue: The Convention/Optimus Prime vs. Tirek
As I walked through the convention, I was perusing through the booths, until something interesting caught my eye, a lone merchant selling items that appeared to whisk people away to who knows where.
I approached him and he said, "Optimus Prime."
I didn't even question how he knew that. "Do you by any chance have the ion blaster?" I asked him. He nods and says:
"That'll be 50 dollars." I buy the item and I disappear in a flash of light. Was this a bad idea? Probably.
The Merchant just shrugs and says, "Mission accomplished."
The landscape opened up around me, a beautiful glance of trees and shrubs. A customary glance down at my body brought a shocking site; my body was now entirely metallic. A quick look in a nearby lake confirmed this most confusing state of affairs.
I did a few tests with my hand to see if I was correct, and the mirror image did the same "Interesting, Not only do I look like Optimus, I have his voice as well." Seeing the ion blaster lying nearby, I walked over to pick it up. It then became obvious to me that the Merchant must have sent me here. But why? What did he get out of this?
Checking all other systems were working correctly, and noting the Matrix lodged in next to my spark core, I headed off in a random direction. I then looked to my left and sent a mental command for my flight tech to attach to my body and power up.
"Let's... roll!" And with that, I flew up into the air to my next destination.
It was all over, the main six decided. Tirek has won and there's nothing they can do about it as they watched him raze Equestria to the ground.
Until...
Princess Luna and Princess Celestia suddenly felt a shiver down their spines.
"I suddenly feel sorry for Lord Tirek."
"Why do you say that Auntie?" Princess Cadence asked. "He took away our magic!"
Princess Celestia looked thoughtful before responding, "I have the feeling he's gonna get quite the flank kicking that we should have given him long ago."
"Pick on someone your own size... Lord Tirek." I said with biting sarcasm, landing on the ground as my flight tech powered down. The battle mask activated and covered my mouth.
"YOU DARE?!?!?! " the centaur bellowed.
"Easily." I say, with no fucks given. The main six, plus Discord and Spike, were slack jawed. Maybe there was some hope as the cage around them disappeared with Discord somehow getting his chaos magic back.
"Ooooh. He's good." the pink one says.
I charged Tirek in an attempt to hurt him some.
With a primal roar, Tirek charges up some magic and sends me flying into a mountain. I reactivated my flight tech and slammed into him, sending us tumbling into Ponyville. He grabbed hold of me, with the main six rooting for me.
"Fight back!" (Twilight and Fluttershy)
"Take that you ruffian!" (Rarity)
"KICK HIS FLANK!" (Rainbow Dash and Spike)
"Darn tootin'!" (Applejack)
"GO! GO! GO!" (Pinkie Pie)
"This'll be fun to watch. Serves him right for betraying me." (Discord)
As Tirek prepared to charge up another bout of magic, I pulled the ion blaster off my back and blasted him. I meant to aim for his chest and stun him, instead the shot missed, since I fired it blindly. Instead I hit him in the leg, which caused him a great deal of pain and made him angrier. He grabbed me and tried to strangle me. There were two problems with this: One: I was a Cybertronian, which means I don't have lungs. Two: I was somewhat taller than him, which has him at a disadvantage.
"Ponies don't deserve to live!" He said as he still had me in a hold.
"They deserve to choose for themselves!"
"Then you will die with them!" he threw me back a few feet. He charges up some magic.
"Join them in extinction!"
I respond by blasting him in the shoulder with my ion blaster. He is stunned for a few moments, then before he could blink, I gripped the shoulder that I blasted and did the unthinkable...
I BITCH-SLAPPED THE MAGIC RIGHT OUT OF HIM! All across Equestria, magic was restored to all the ponies. The Princesses escaped from Tartarus and teleported to Ponyville to greet their new savior.
He cried out in pain as the magic left his body as he shrieked like a little girl. He shrank and shrank until he was his normal size.
He wound up in the fetal position as he weakly cried for his mother to save him, only to get no response as he ended up in Tartarus. Oh, and that friendship castle grew out of the ground.
"I rise.... you fall ."
Optimus Prime wins.
Brutality!
The entire town of Ponyville trotted over, albeit reluctantly emerging, to greet their savior.
"Thanks mister!"
"He saved our children!"
"He saved our lives"
"He's friendly!"
"What is your name?" three princesses asked me as I turned to look down at them.
"I... am Optimus Prime. Leader of the Autobots, and the last of the Primes; the Last Knight of Cybertron."
"We the monarchs of Equestria would like to thank you for defeating Lord Tirek. If you hadn't shown up like you did... Equestria would have been doomed." said the three Princesses.
"Why did you spare him when you could have finished him off?" asked Princess Luna.
"It wouldn't be right of me to finish him off." I respond. "Besides, I think I scarred him for life. And he'll probably need a boatload of therapy." In the background, Pinkie blurted out that I was one of the Displaced and was promptly dismissed as Pinkie just being herself. I wasn't even going to question how she knew that.
All across Equestria, ponies came to thank me for liberating them from Tirek. Oh, and Pinkie, as I would learn her name, threw me a 'welcome to Equestria and saving it from Tirek' party.
The very next day, several statues were erected of me. One depicted the bitch-slapping I gave Tirek, another one was erected in the Canterlot Gardens in a heroic pose. Another was put up next to the statue of Spike.
"GOD DAMN IT!!!!" Tirek screamed in frustration.
"What happened this time?" said a prisoner in a bored tone.
"Well, if you must know." sneered Tirek. "I HAD MY FLANK HANDED TO ME, BY A BEING FROM ANOTHER WORLD!"
"That sucks."
"FINALLY! SOMEBODY WHO GETS IT!" Tirek screamed.
"My ears." said the poor inmate.
All across Equestria, several villains suddenly felt a shiver down their spines. Starlight Glimmer locked all of her doors and windows and then she looked under her bed for Optimus Prime. A changeling queen suddenly felt very afraid and wouldn't come out of her hive.
Author's Note
I'm not sorry for writing this.
Displaced: Adventures In Equestria
Chapter 2: Helping Out a Displaced
Over the past week, I reformed Starlight Glimmer and Queen Chrysalis accidentally when I pointed out the flaws in their plans. What actually happened was I first plowed right into the hive, causing it. They promptly surrendered, much to my amusement. I didn't have to do a damn thing. The changelings of the hive even started worshiping me. Thorax became king of the changelings, they even made a statue of me, and the ponies of Starlight's town made a statue of me in the middle of their town square. What surprised me was how they got every detail of me right.
No one gave shit that they stepped down from their positions of power.
About a week later, I was bored out of my processor. Seriously. I literally had nothing else to do. I help out sometimes at Applejack's farm hauling apples. I even train the royal guards in combat tactics, which Princess Celestia appreciates very much. I even introduced them to basketball, something the unicorn guards enjoyed immensely.
In another Equestria, a messy, black haired boy was having trouble with an endless horde of renegade changelings. Waving his wand, he set up powerful shield and pulled a cube token from his bag, pressed on it and said, "Optimus Prime, do you read me? I need your help!"
My personal token was buzzing, I pushed on the cube to talk to somebody who needed my help.
"Hello?"
"Hey mate, can you come over? I need help with a bug horse problem. I can only take so many at a time, and my wand does bollocks in terms of damage." said a voice that sounded oddly British. Goddamn it, it's a Displaced Harry Potter. This was a new one for me.
"I'll be right there."
Behind Harry Potter were hordes upon hordes of Changelings that just dont know when to quit.
A few of the Changelings cackled madly until a sickening crunch was heard.
"Let's... roll!"
Harry grinned back at me.
I fired off a few shots from my ion blaster. A few Changelings screamed in terror as Harry and I blasted away. The top of the engines that are made of my flight tech opened up to reveal a railgun on each side, pretty damn powerful. I blasted away horde after horde, while Harry fired several Reductor curses. When he got winded he hid behind the rock and I kept blasting away.
A few hours later, I sat down, exhausted. The Changelings weren't so lucky, 57% were dead or dying, and 43% were wounded... and complaining about their injuries, much to my amusement.
"MY LEG!" one Changeling shouted.
"I think I went blind. Hey. Who turned out the lights?"
"My head... ughhhh!"
"I... I can't feel my face."
"MY ARM!"
"I should have stayed in bed today."
"I...I think I have a concussion. Hey, I-Is it a bad sign if you smell Prench toast and everything looks like it's underwater?"
"Damn . Ah was two days from retirement."
"Well shit."
"DOC! I'm dyin' here! Doc! C'mon man!"
I turned to my fellow Displaced and said, "Well, that was fun. If you ever want to hang out or beat up more bad guys, give me a call. I'm just a hop, skip, and a jump."
I then went through a portal back to Equestria to conclude the day.
Author's Note
Second chapter done!
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Displaced: Adventures In Equestria
Chapter 3: Optimus Prime vs. a Displaced Megatron
A few weeks after I had helped out a Displaced Harry Potter, ANOTHER ONE called me.
"Yes?"
"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!"
"Excuse me?"
Fuck me, it's a Displaced Megatron. "I want to fight you."
............
"Okay."
"AND DON'T YOU... what'd you say?"
"I said 'okay'." I answered back. "Just give me a few days to get everything set up."
I drove to the same place where I made my token and I called in a few favors.
The first Displaced I called was the Engineer from TF2. He and a Displaced Constructicon helped me to build the arena, which was a gigantic fancy version of the Roman Colosseum. I even called in a wizard at some point to help me set up the enchantments. And it was GLORIOUS!
Heres how the collosseum is set up:
For the audience, there's a screen for the ponies in the back rows that only they can see so that they can view the fight and keep track of who's winning.
The Engineer was able to replicate the RESPAWN system. If a combatant in the arena dies: they are sent away and repaired and then they are deposited back into the combat zone. Enchantments: there are magic shields in place to protect the audience from being squished by combatants and flying debris. SO don't worry about any creature getting squished.
The following morning, the day of the big fight was happening. Everyone was invited. And by everyone, I MEAN EVERYONE . A whole bunch of ponies showed up, even a few Displaced showed up too. To my surprise, the Pillars showed up. There were others too: the Princesses, Queen Novo, Tempest Shadow, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, and even the main six showed up.
There's even a pony commentator, don't remember his name.
"Welcome... to the mane event! Mares and gentlecolts! LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Scared Prime?"
My battle mask activates. "You. Wish."
(Starswirl) "I have bits on the silver one."
(Flash Magnus) "No way. My bits are one the red and blue one!"
(Somnambula, Mage Meadowbrook,and Mistmane) "Really now. Betting on combat?"
I pulled the ion blaster off my back and blasted Megatron. Right in the groin area.
"AAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
"Sorry." I say. I was not apologetic in the slightest.
(Flash Magnus) "Yikes. That looks painful." He then watches as I proceed to blast Megatron right in the shoulder.
Megatron blasts me in the shoulder with... what the shit?!!!
"Deathshot rounds?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?! SO, you wanna play that game eh? TWO CAN PLAY!"
I then cooked my ion blaster, then I let it rip... Megatron's head clean off.
(Starswirl winces) "Not... as much as that ."
Round one has ended.
Round two... Megatron won this one. (I let him win. He's a fucking sore loser, but he was surprisingly a good sport about the last round)
Final round. I had spent a few hours into the battle damaging him. First, I blew his right arm clean off, used the rail guns from my flight tech on him.
Then...
"AKRACKATOW!!!"
My railguns, plus the charged ion blaster's blast, aimed at his waist blew the upper half of his body clean off, leaving the equivalent of just the legs and a little bit of the spine behind, while his upper body flew right through the colosseum doors and right outside. Meanwhile, the audience watches in a stupified daze as Megatrons legs fall forwards.
"STARSCREAMEME!!!" he blurted out randomly, before he bled out Energon and promply died from it. The RESPAWN system worked its magic and brought him back to life. We shook on a good game, with ponies cheering wildly in the background, which I found kind of ironic since they didn't strike me as violence inclined.
"Well," I say stretching. "that was fun." WIth nothing else I had to do, I decided to head home to my hideaway, next to Princess Twilight's Friendship castle.
Author's Note
"THEIR DEFENSES ARE BROKEN! LET THE SLAUGHTER BEGIN!!!!!"
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Displaced: Adventures In Equestria
Chapter 1: In Which I Make a Displaced Token... oh, and a Wal-Mart blows up for no damn reason.
I had lived in Ponyville for about a few weeks now. Princess Twilight allowed me to live next to the castle in Ponyville.
With nothing better to do, I transformed into my alt-form, which was a blue and red Peterbilt 389, and drove off to a secluded area. Earlier in the week, I was visited by a Void Dweller, who told me that I was one of the Displaced (and his appearance scared the shit out of me), which means dimensionally-misplaced. He explained to me that I had to make a token so that I could reach other Displaced and help them and vice-versa. He also explained the Theory of the Multiverse to me and broke it down so that I understood him better.
Once I got there, I transformed back into my bipedal form and got straight to work. So I made a minature Allspark , cube-shaped and everything, including the hieroglyphs." I recorded my message.
"I... am Optimus Prime. Last of the Primes; the Last Knight of Cybertron. Protector of ponies. To summon me, press the top of the cube and say: "Optimus Prime, do you read me?" I am here. I... am waiting."
I then used a piece of machinery that allowed me to duplicate it so that I could distribute it across the Multiverse. I then used another machine to create a Multiverse portal where I tossed the duplicated cube-tokens and I dumped all but one in. For effect, I threw the last one in and sealed the portal.
Back on Earth, a random Wal-Mart blew up in a great ball of fire for no goddamned reason at all. Thankfully no one was there when it happened. The management, plus the Wal-Mart employees, arrived confused as to why the hell it happened.