Pirate Captain Anon [RGRE]

Your boots clattered on the sturdy wooden steps as you frantically hurried to break the good news. As you came closer to the surface however, your footsteps slowed as your ears picked out a rather unsettling noise. A noise that would usually bring comfort and happiness, but now had the hairs on the back of your neck raising.

Feminine giggling.

Your mind came up blank as you tried to think of what those bloody horse wenches could be doing to your lads. You honestly had no idea what they truly were or what they were capable of, for all you knew they were shapeshifting demons that took an innocent form to lure you onto their ship, and tormented your crew whilst their captain and first mate were absent.

You and Nameless drew your weapons before stomping out onto the deck, ready to confront shapeshifting pony beasts or whatever else might be lying in wait. Yet again though you were stopped dead in your tracks by complete bafflement. The ponies were all still colourful ponies, not man eating monsters, and they were all still tied up. They were also giggling and chatting with each other whilst casting some questionable glances at your crew.

Whilst this was going on, your crew were huddled on the opposite side of the deck, all looking beet red with most of them covering their ears. As you moved across the deck, you could pick out what the ponies were saying more clearly.

"A group of rugged, exotic males climb aboard our ship and tie us all up? It's like in the old sailor's stories!"

"....look so strong, and you can smell the sweat and musk just radiating off them..."

"Hey monkey man, are you just gonna leave us tied up here or are we gonna get to the fun part?"

That last one was directed at you, both ponies and your own crew now realising that the Captain was on deck. One of your boys, Incognito, uncovered his ears and shouted over to you. Like the others his face was flushed red, the lad looking thoroughly embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Cap'n, we don't know what to do! These ponies..."

"They be harlots Cap'n!" Came a shout from your mob "Vile temptresses!"

The gathered mares all started giggling, some looking to your aghast crew members and winking when they met their gaze.

"Arrgh! Make 'em stop Captain! Me ears can't take no more!" Incognito cried, screwing his eyes shut and clamping his hands down over his ears.

You tried to think of a quick way to silence the annoying giggling creatures, and decided to make an example of the ship's captain in front of them all.

"You, pony captain!" You yelled, pointing towards the coppery coloured mare with an accusing finger as she looked back at you with a slight smirk. "For sexually harassin' my crew in me absence I sentence ye to be tied to the mast and flogged. 50 lashes with the cat o' nine! And a hundred for anyone who feels like gobbin' off or giggling again after this!" You declared.

A chorus of "Ooooooh"s, whoops and whistles met your ears as you read out her punishment, and the captain looked at you seductively as she replied.

"Oh my, the exotic captain wants to tie up his little prisoner and whip her? This really is getting kinky" She taunted.

Now your own face was flushed red as you stuttered and tried to think of a response. Apparently flogging the harlot was just going to rile them up even more, so clearly that wasn't an option. You considered making some of them walk the plank or simply executing one or two of them, but for some reason the thought of harming any of them too seriously made your stomach knot and your cold heart ache a little bit.

This shocked you to your core. You were a fearsome pirate captain! Scourge of the seven seas! A little blood and murder should be nothing to you! But you had to admit, as annoying and flirtatious as these sultry little mares were they were still extraordinarily.... cute. You spat on the ground as you thought that, the word having no place in a pirate's vocabulary. But the truth of the matter was that killing any of these ponies would be like killing a little puppy, and you'd always had a soft spot for cute animals, which meant that extreme violence was off of the table for you.

With a sigh of exhaustion you strode past the tied up mares and back over to your own crew so that you didn't have to make yourself heard over all the giggling and chatter.

"Alright boys, clearly a floggin's just gonna rile 'em up so I'm not gonna waste me time with that. Nameless, grab some lads and take these tarts below deck. Where ye stick 'em I don't care, just lock 'em up somewhere they can be neither seen nor heard."

Reluctantly your crew began to shuffle back over towards the ponies, clearly not wanting to be anywhere near them again. As they moved, Incognito came over to you for a private word.

"Cap', why are we movin' 'em below deck? Why not just kill the lot and be done with it? We're s'posed to be bloodthirsty pirates!"

A few other heads turned at his words as some of the others were clearly confused as to why you hadn't started spilling blood yet.

"Because matey, we still don't know what these so-called ponies really are yet." You said in a hushed matter, pretending to look back to check if any of the ponies were listening to you. "What if by killing 'em we unleashed this ship's dreaded curse and doomed ourselves?"

You were just lying to save face; you'd rather be hung, drawn and quartered than admit to finding the little equines cute; but Incog and the rest seemed to buy it.

"Aye, apologies Cap. I guess anger was clouding me judgement" He replied, though still looking slightly disappointed at not having his blood lust sated.

"Carry on then lad" You assured him.

The mares let out an unending stream of giggles, lewd moans and sexual remarks as they were herded below deck which had all your men flushed and embarrassed again. Many were deliberately flagging their tails and brushing up against their human captors whenever they could, making them rapidly jump away or avert their gaze. A small crack was heard somewhere along the line, the snapping of a mare's tail against a pirate's leg, followed by said pirate leaping several feet in the air and screaming like a sissy.

You pinched the bridge of your nose and muttered curses to yourself at having to endure this humiliating ordeal. You wanted to get back on your own ship, sail away and drink yourself into a stupor until you forgot all about this, the only thing still keeping you here was the treasure filled cargo holds. When the ponies were safely out of the way you'd organise moving the cargo onto your own ship, though it would take time to move it all.

As you stood there cursing and scheming, a tap at your shoulder almost made you shit your breeches, and you whirled around to face whoever had interrupted you. The cook, Unnamed, stood there with a sly grin on his face, unflinching at the fearsome stink eye you gave him for scaring you.

"Cap'n, ye best come have a gander at what I've found"

Your glare turned into a look of suspicion as his shit eating grin grew wider.

"This'd better be something worth me time lad, I don't want to tempt fate poking around the rest of this god forsaken vessel without reason". Unnamed didn't answer, simply leading the way below deck as you begrudgingly followed.

As you walked the dim wooden corridors you could hear the muffled sounds of mares giggling and pirates cursing as the rest of your crew tried to find somewhere to keep your sexually aggressive captives. You followed the cook into the bowels of the ship, wondering what he'd even been doing poking around here by himself until you came to...

"Unnamed, if ye dragged me down here just to show me a kitchen I swear I'll have ye thrown to the ponies" You groaned in exasperation, slapping a hand to your forehead.

Unnamed had been a chef for some rich governor's family before he became a pirate. That was until the governor choked to death on a piece of food he served and he was accused of poisoning him, leading him to flee and join your crew. This blessed you with a fine chef with an eye for luxury and perfection, and you could understand why he would be impressed by the large, clean kitchen the pony's ship boasted. But why he thought you would care in the slightest was beyond you.

"Aye, 'tis a fine kitchen Cap'n, but this ain't what I brought ye down here to witness". He crossed the room to a large door at the back, taking a bow theatrically as he swung it open.

A huge stockroom lay beyond, full of crates and strange metal boxes. Unnamed began to open them up, each container holding different food. Fresh food, fruit and vegetables, cakes, some food you didn't even recognise, all of it perfectly preserved with not a speck of mould in sight. Your mouth began to water just looking at it. Such a feast could only be had on land as fresh produce spoiled too quickly for long voyages, and the pirate's diet you had grown used to largely consisted of stale sea biscuits, salted meat and pickled vegetables, which became almost unbearable during long voyages.

"I- I don't believe what me eyes are seeing... 'tis the finest food I ever laid me eyes upon. Where's the mould? The stale stench and rats scurrying about?" You murmured in disbelief.

"The boxes be powered by sorcery Cap. The air within 'em's cool, some even freezing. All the food they have stays perfectly preserved". Unnamed grabbed a fresh carrot and bit into it as he explained how the pony contraptions worked, his face lighting up in pleasure, "But this storeroom holds a bigger bounty yet..."

He disappeared down one of the aisles of shelves and you followed him further in, snaking through rows and rows of mouth watering food, until you were suddenly stopped dead in your tracks.

Before you were shelves stacked with glass bottles full of various liquids. Liquids that you knew at first sight to be alcohol. There was beer, wine, even rum. Enough to keep your entire crew shitfaced for weeks! You stood in awe as Unnamed took a deep swig from a bottle and stared at you smugly.

"So, still throwing me to the mares Captain?" He laughed, shooting you a cocky grin.

You looked back down to him in a daze.

"W-w-what do friggin' ponies need this much booze for?!" You stammered stupidly. Unnamed chuckled and took another gobfull.

"Who cares? It's ours now!"

You began to laugh hysterically for the second time that day as you grabbed yourself a bottle, not caring what type of booze was in it, and began to drink. After seeing off half the bottle you began to calm down a little bit, realising that you couldn't stay down here getting rat arsed by yourselves without the rest of the crew getting worried. You put the cap back on and grabbed an empty wooden crate.

"Unnamed, grab yerself a crate and fill it with as much as ye can carry." You ordered him. "We're gonna give the boys a nice surprise"

You loaded up a crate each and headed back up, both feeling giddy and excited. Your men still hadn't finished sorting out the ponies yet, so you drank a little more whilst you waited to surprise them.