The Equestrian Monomyth - Book 1 - Be a Good Brony or Die Trying

by GustaffInmortal

Chapter 4 : Spoiled friendly first contact:

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Zecora returned almost empty hoofed:

We had our lunch, and later, I told Zecora:

She nodded in agreement.

I smirked, while thinking: -( Cool. Massacre time again. Oh, yeah! )-

The next day, exact like an english gentleman, the ponies arrived to Zecora's house. Seymour and I watched all the
action with our binoculars, well undercover and safely far away. First, it was Applebloom, and later, other 6. They're
the Mane 6, no doubt at all.

After they left, we returned to Zecora's place.

Satisfied, I turned to Seymour:

Zecora returned almost empty hoofed:

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry my hero for my fail,
I went to the ville but to no avail. " She sobbed.
" Now you'll surely believe I'm useless,
and you'll throw me again to the loneline"eh"eh"eh"ssss. " She ended crying.

" No, no, no, no, Zecora, don't worry. I don't think none of that. Besides, between Seymour and me, we recolected enough
food for the three of us. " I showed her the table full of fresh vegetables ( Bought at some terran store, but she
hasn't to find out )

" Ow...! "

" By the way, Zecora, what happened? "

" Oh, the usual. Everypony locked up on their houses,
but this time, I was followed by six ponies.
They step on a Joke Flower field even I warned them not to,
but I kept my distance as you told me to do. "

" I see... So, it's probably that those ponies will come here for an antidote. "

" Yes, I presume it will be if they are smart,
as the flower's effects tomorrow will start. "

" All right. Look, don't tell them we're here. I don't want the panic got loose. Also, if there are any unicorn, ask
them if they can borrow you some magic books. The more the better... " I indicated with the sweetest of my smiles.

We had our lunch, and later, I told Zecora:

" Well, now Seymour and me are gonna check that the woods are safe to walk on, alright? "

She nodded in agreement.

I smirked, while thinking: "( Cool. Massacre time again. Oh, yeah! )"

The next day, exact like an english gentleman, the ponies arrived to Zecora's house. Seymour and I watched all the
action with our binoculars, well undercover and safely far away. First, it was Applebloom, and later, other 6. They're
the Mane 6, no doubt at all.

After they left, we returned to Zecora's place.

" Well, Zecora. Some of the unicorns agreed to borrow you the magic books? " I inquired.

" Oh, yes, yes! The lavender one, Twilight Sparkle, has a collection,
and was so kind to bring them tomorrow before noon! " She smiled, so happy for her achievement, that I swear I saw
her glow.

Satisfied, I turned to Seymour:

" Well, buddy, it seems that we have some free time now. Can you spend a walk around? I have something important to
talk with Zecora. " She blushed.

" Yeah, yeah. " Said Seymour with a disgusted tone and walked away.

Some weeks later, I was studying Twilight's books outside Zecora's house, as Twilight came earlier and we had to hide.
I already was catching the magic thing. At this pace, I'll soon be able to create some kind of shielding so no one or
nopony can be garbage diving into my personal thoughts. I was doing even better with all the combat related ones, like
I had an innate talent for this stuff. Maybe it was because all that time spent playing World of Warcraft?

I looked to Zecora. Her sight was lost somewhere on the window. Yep, I had to tell her that I only wanted her as a
friend and nothing more, and she has been like that since. It was hard but it has to be done. I just hope she recovers
with time.

At that moment, I heard multiple musical instruments at once from my Early Detection System, or EDS. I installed it so
we could know before hand if somepony were entering the woods, so they didn't caught us off guard. I looked to my MLP
almanac, and smiled:

" Geez, that's Pinkie Pie leading the parasprites out of town. But I can't let that vermin ruin off our cover. " So, I
called a sleeping Seymour: " Wake up, dude! We have some vermin to wipe off! "

" Huh, what? "

" It's the parasprites' episode. We have to wipe them off. We'll wait until Pinkie Pie leaves and we'll get to work. "
I ordered, raising a hand and making a little lightning coming out from it.

" And you woke me just for that? If I could recall well, Pinke Pie managed to get rid of all them just by herself. She
didn't need anyone else's help! " He protested.

" Come on! Did you buy that? That the parasprites will just FUSH...?! And vanished in the air?! " I swung my arms to
emphasize my argument.

He stared me with a angry look, then his eyes twisted up, his expression transformed like a chamaleon, and a happy
grin appeared on his face.

" So, are you in? " I pointed back to me with my thumb, happy to see him agreed.

" No! " He got back to his angered face, and turned in his hammock, giving his back to me.

Argh! Damned Seymour! Who understands him? I guess I had to take care of the trouble all by myself. Well, time to test
all the spells I have learned. Ready or not, there we go!

I used my VR googles to cast two low power phaser pistols, and ran to the music's direction.

After a while of following Pinkie at a safer distance, I sighed of relief when she finally stopped playing and started
to talk with her friends. Time for my triumphing entrace! I walked very slowly to the parasprite swarm, waited them to
go really deep into the forest, got ready my pistols, making them twirl like the best cowboy, then I looked right, then
looked left, making sure no pony was around and... Shooting targets!

Shots, shots and more shots, and the parasprite's number started to quickly diminish! More shots, now using my Locking
On spell! Damn, this's too easy! Eyes closed! I shot a rapid burst, opened the eyes, there were less of them! Now with
only a hand! The other! Both again, but from my back! I laughed maniacally because this was the hell of fun! Now with
the head in the ground...

I fell clumsily on my back, but I couldn't stop laughing and shooting. Well, Muscle Toner spell! I leaped up like a
ninja and stood up again. A bit more shots, and all the parasprites had gone. I watched my hands, little lightnings
emerging from them. Wow, man; this magic stuff is indeed awesome! I don't know why Seymour are not interested. Looks
like he thinks that with the VR googles and those video tutorials about memory self"inducing shit, he has everything
covered. Lazy fat toad!

I stepped back to our hiding spot, finding Seymour's hammock empty. Well, maybe he left to shit, thing which he does
more regularly than the average person. Should I tell him what he missed...? Nah.

Then, Seymour appeared. He looks nervous and were shaking:

" Gus, Gus, buddy! Thank goodness you came back already! "

" Seymour, dude... What happened? " I asked, starting to worry.

" Man, you have to help me, I'm in deep shit here! "

Come on! He shits on his pants and now he needs me to clean his butt, or what?

" What did you do now, you idiot?! "

" Come, come here and you'll see! "

I followed him to a nearby hideout we had recently built, and showed me a moving sack.

" Mmmmmmphhh! " Could be heared from the sack.

I cautiosly approached to the sack and opened it a bit, but it was enough to see Pinkie's violet mane. I tightened it
again, then stood up and walked angrily to Seymour, who started to walk back.

" You kidnapped Pinkie, you idiot?! Are you nuts?! " I scolded him below my breath.

" What's the big deal, dude?! " He replied aloud. " If you slaughtered all those animals just for bumfffttt?! "

With the speed of a lightning, I tapped his mouth with my hand, but it was too late, as I could see the sack start to
shake. So, I took him out the hideout and closed the door.

" What were you thinking, you piece of shit?! " I grabbed him for his shirt and shook him violently. " I told you to
wait for the right moment! Now our friendly first contact is history! "

" But dude, I had a plan! "

" Yeah?! Ha! Go ahead, let me hear it! " I told him with rage, letting him off.

" Man, you know that in all these fanfics, the character has to wait one or two years before making a move. I don't
want to wait so long! "

" Ha! And I presume that you've found a shortcut, didn't you? "

" Yes, I did! " Seymour adopted a pose like he had earned a Nobel prize. " Since Zecora fell in love with you because
you saved her from me, Pinkie will fell in love with me if I save her from you! See? Piece of cake! Are you gonna help
your buddy out? Please, please, please? "

" Wow... heh heh... that's... " I smiled and swung my finger to him. " That's the brightest and most ass kicker plan I
ever heard. Ever. "

" Then you like it? " Seymour smiled too, filling himself with hope.

" OF COURSE NOT, YOU IDIOT!!! THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!!! " I screamed of pure rage, forgetting for a moment that Pinkie
was hearing it all.

" Then what we're gonna do?! We can't have her there forever! "

" I know, I know! " I turned around, rubbing the back of my head. " Just let me think, will you? "

" You could torture her until she breaks and... "

" Seymour, if you say a single word more... a single one... " I turned around and threatened him, gripping my fist.

But then... I froze in place, as I could see Zecora trotting toward us.

" Buddy, this is becoming worse every minute... " Seymour whispered, all pale and sweating.

" Hey, what's happening?
Are you fighting? " Asked Zecora, concerned, looking at each one from us from time to time.

" No. "

" Yes. "

" No! I mean... " I stared to Seymour with a murderous look. " Seymour was complaining because... he said that your soup
give him gases... and what you're the worst cooker ever... and I was about to punch him and... "

" That's true? I'm so bad? I'm making you ill?!
Then... That's why you don't love me, and never will?! "

Zecora turned around and galloped back to her house, crying in a way that broke my heart.

" Whoa, that was clo... . " Started to say Seymour, but I punched his lights out. " Argh! Shit, dude! That hurts! "

I didn't say anything else, and walked back to the hideout. I'll had to somehow convince Pinkie that everything was
just a misunderstan... I froze again, as I could see the empty sack, and a broken window at the side. I covered my face
with both hands.

Just...

Perfect...

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