“Very well, time for our second round.” Princess Celestia smiled as she levitated her second question of the game without any undue haste, trying not to let on to the others just how much she was looking forward to it. “Hm, an interesting question. What would Grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?”

“You, freshly plucked?” Luna suggested.

“Or you when you were first born,” Celestia countered, taking a sip of tea in order to hide her smirk. Twilight and Cadence shared a look as the two sisters continued to trade barbed comments. Deciding against getting involved, the two of them quietly passed their answers over, catching Celestia’s eye as they did so.

“Ah, thank you,” Celestia said politely before turning back to her sister. “Come along, Luna. We’re only waiting on you, now.”

“My card is already in front of you.” Luna put on an expression of mock concern. “Oh, woe of woes! Is your age finally starting to catch up with you, sister?”

Celestia just scowled and picked up the answers in her magic, giving them a quick shuffle before picking one out at random. “Hm? Oh! I think this is one of the few problems we’ve never actually had to deal with, Luna. What would Grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Penis envy.”

Cadence and Twilight both giggled, reluctantly in Twilight’s case, while Luna held a hoof over her mouth to try and hide her undignified snort. “Indeed. I count myself lucky that that is a problem I shall never have to deal with,” she said when she’d composed herself.

Celestia’s chuckle turned into a surprised laugh as she read the next answer. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A micropenis.” Twilight covered her face with a hoof, Luna tried not to giggle and Cadence gave the Princess of the Sun an un-amused look. “I know, I know,” Celestia said quickly, holding up a hoof to forestall her niece. “It’s not something ponies should laugh at, but you have to admit, it fits the question surprisingly well.”

It took a supreme effort for Luna to hold back the dozen or so jokes that ran through her head in response to that little statement.

Oblivious to her sister’s struggle, Celestia selected the last answer, tilted her head curiously at it, and read out. “What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Full body nudity.”

Luna raised an eyebrow and glanced back at her own body as if checking something. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m fairly certain that full body nudity has been a socially acceptable standard in pony culture since, oh, I don’t know, maybe the dawn of time?”

“If not then I’ve spent a thousand years flashing all of my subjects,” Celestia replied. She huffed a laugh. “Half of the Canterlot nobility could probably do with the thrill, anyway. As for the game, however, I’m going to have to go with the micropenis. Which of you had that?”

The other princesses’ mouths dropped open in stunned disbelief as Twilight, her muzzle bearing a blush that would put Fluttershy to shame, resolutely raised a hoof.

“You had the micropenis?!” Luna blurted incredulously.

“I’m not sure how to take that,” Twilight replied flatly.

“With difficulty, but it is doable,” Cadence put in, grinning mischievously. “I knew you were a pervert.”

“I’m not a pervert!” Twilight insisted, igniting her magic and taking the card from the still-stunned Celestia. “I just think that this game will be more fun if I actually try to win, and, given what I’m learning about the rest of you so far tonight,” she narrowed her eyes sidelong at Celestia, “that card seemed the most likely to be seen as humorous.” Clearing her throat and doing her best to maintain a dignified poise, though the pink tinge still gracing her cheeks ruined the attempt somewhat, Twilight said, “Luna, it’s your turn.”

Luna smirked and picked up the next question, using her magic to close her sister’s wide-open trap as she did so. This little game just became very interesting. “What makes life worth living?”

“Definitely my friends,” Twilight said, immediately and predictably. “And also books.”

Cadence smiled softly. “My family, without a doubt.”

Celestia nodded and drew herself up. “Myself, I find that seeing the happy smiles of all my little ponies helps me get through the day. That and my vibrators.”

Luna rolled her eyes as Cadence giggled and Twilight groaned loudly.

“They certainly make life more interesting,” Cadence agreed.

“Don’t you have Shining for that?” Celestia asked.

“Don’t even go there!” Twilight snapped. “I don’t want to know what you and my brother get up to in your…” she shuddered, “‘private time’.”

Cadence opened her mouth to retort, but decided she’d lay off for now. She didn’t want to give her sister-in-law a stroke. Not the medical emergency variety, anyway. Turning back to her cards, it wasn’t long before three answers were placed in front of the Princess of the Night.

Shaking her mane back, Luna straightened up as she picked up the first answer. “What makes life worth living? Dying.” The other princesses each shifted uncomfortably as she casually tossed the card over her shoulder. “What makes life worth living? Ethnic cleansing.” She tilted her head to the side curiously. “Hm, how deliciously dark. I do hope that this last answer is actually funny, though.” She levitated the last card, glanced at it, then barely restrained a snort. “Oh, my. What makes life worth living? Farting and walking away.”

“Ah yes, your favourite way to end an argument,” Celestia said flatly as Cadence and Twilight both stifled giggles.

“I find that it works well. Especially after I’ve had one of those modern burritos I discovered recently.” Luna smiled and held up the card. “It seems we have a clear victor. Which of you likes to toot and scoot?”

“I wish you wouldn’t put it like that,” Twilight replied as she held up a hoof, much to the stunned amazement of the others.

Luna’s smile slowly morphed into a malicious grin. “Well, well, Tia. At this rate you’re going to be beaten, not just by your younger sister, but by your own former pupil, too.” She sighed theatrically. “You must be so proud.”

“The game has barely even begun, Lu. I’ll show you all how it’s done soon enough, ” Celestia retorted. “Cadence-”

“Already on it,” Cadence interrupted, snatching up a black card. “This could be interesting. I’m going on a cleanse this week. Nothing but kale juice and blank.”

“I’m not fond of the modern cleanse diets,” Luna said flatly. “If I wish to cleanse my insides I simply eat spicy food, it works better than anything else.”

Celestia gave her a disgusted look. “I was going to make a quip about kale and cock, but that delightful image killed the mood, somehow.”

“Oh no, how unfortunate,” Twilight deadpanned.

Cadence smirked. “Just hoof your cards over, pervs.”

“Hey! I’m not a pervert!” Twilight insisted.

“Not publicly,” Cadence muttered under her breath, quiet enough that none of the others heard. When a minute or so had passed with no answers, she raised an eyebrow quizzically. “Uh, you do know you’re actually supposed to pass the answers over to me, right?”

“I would if I had anything good,” Celestia replied flatly.

Luna nodded in agreement. “A problem shared by the three of us, it seems.”

“Great,” Cadence huffed. “Okay, just pass me the best crap you’ve got and lets get this over with.” Three answers soon graced the table before her. “I’m going on a cleanse this week. Nothing but kale juice and alcoholism.”

“Would that not be the opposite of a cleanse?” Luna asked.

“Unless you’re trying to cleanse your skull of any remaining brain cells,” Twilight put in sardonically.

The card fell limply to the table as Cadence picked up the next one. “I’m going on a cleanse this week. Nothing but kale juice and...” She glanced at the answer, then slapped a hoof over her mouth to try and muffle the scandalised laugh she let out. The others watched her curiously as she flicked a furtive, almost wary look at Luna.

“Just read it out, niece,” Luna remarked. “I assure you that, whatever it is, I will not be offended. Not by you, at least.”

“If you say so,” Cadence replied, clearly not entirely believing her. “I’m going on a cleanse this week. Nothing but kale juice and poorly-timed Nightmare Moon jokes.”

Nopony dared to even breath, let alone look at Luna to see how she was taking it. The tense silence dragged on for several long, drawn-out seconds, before Luna finally snorted and let out a soft chuckle. “You should see the looks on your faces.”

The other three all laughed with relief at the fact that she wasn’t angry, though Celestia and Twilight both gave each other suspicious looks. Eager to skip past the tense moment, Cadence tossed the card aside and fetched the last one. “I’m going on a cleanse this week. Nothing but kale juice and… leprosy.” She stared blankly at the answer for a second, then threw it away as if it were rotting. “That’s disgusting. Sorry, Aunt Luna, but the Nightmare Moon joke wins.”

“Please, don’t apologize, Niece,” Luna replied with an amused smirk. “It was, after all, my card.”

Twilight and Celestia both whipped their heads around to her. “What? Your card?” Celestia looked from her to Twilight and back. “But… I thought…”

Twilight looked almost affronted. “Wait, you thought I would play a card like that?”

“Enough,” Luna cut in before the two could get into an argument. “I am touched that both of you are courteous enough not to mock my previous… misdemeanours.” She coughed awkwardly. “I just felt that, perhaps, a little self-deprecating humour would be appreciated.” She sighed and hung her head. “Mayhaps, the time was not quite right.”

“It is still something of a tender subject, for all of us.” Celestia smiled softly at her younger sister. “Though, I must admit, the fact that you are comfortable enough to joke about it is certainly takes a weight from my heart.”

"I'm glad to hear it," Luna replied. "Still, I believe this game is supposed to be about having fun, so… Twilight, if you would?"

“Of course.” Twilight’s face lit up as she picked up the last question of the round. “Oh, this should be good! Next from A.K Yearling: Daring Do and the Temple of blank.”

The other princesses spent a few moments considering their choices. Soon enough, Twilight had three cards placed in front of her. "Next from A.K Yearling: Daring Do and the Temple of puberty."

"Not a place any of us would like to visit," Cadence put in. She smirked as she said slyly, "though I suppose only two of us can actually remember going through puberty." The two eldest princesses gave her a withering glare in response.

"Next answer!" Twilight cried, snatching a card at random. "Next from A.K Yearling: Daring Do and the Temple of… bees?" She raised an eyebrow curiously. "Why does the card even have a question mark on it? Eh, Fluttershy would probably visit a temple like that anyway. Last answer; Next from A.K Yearling: Daring Do and the Temple of..." Twilight blushed furiously as she picked up the last card. "T-the female orgasm."

"Ah, a temple for you, Cadence," Luna suggested.

"Meh, not really," Cadence replied with a casual wave of her hoof. "I mean, I get plenty at home, why would I need to go to a temple?"

Twilight just sighed softly, resigned to the fact that she was probably going to hear a lot more about her brother and sister-in-law's sex life before the game was over.

"Maybe you should visit the orgasm temple, Luna," Celestia said with fake innocence. " It might help you become less stuck-up."

Luna, surprisingly, just smiled sweetly at her. "Unlike you, dear sister, I receive intimate benedictions on a regular basis. Perhaps you should go, instead? I'm sure divine intervention can help even a dried up old nag like yourself."

Twilight barely managed to stifle her snort, mortification and amusement flickering across her face in turn. Cadence just laughed openly.

"Who won that round, Twilight?" Celestia asked in a tone of icy calm.

Clearing her throat, Twilight looked between the three answers, blushed again, then held up the last one. "The orgasm temple wins," she said meekly, mentally making plans to write about Daring Do entering such a temple the second she had a chance.

"That's another point for me." Celestia gave Luna an evil smirk. "It seems we're tied again, sister."

"For now," Luna admitted, matching her glare for glare.

Cadence frowned and looked around at the others. "Hang on, how come I still don't have any points?"

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay! As some of you may know, my pc recently went kaput. While I backed up most of my fics, it wasn't until I made to continue this fic that I realized that I had neglected to backup the card selections .

Thankfully I'm back on track now, and have also picked up one of the expansion packs for the game (the absurd box) so expect new material going forward!

One final note, I'm considering having physical copies of Cards Against Starlight made, I've already put a post up in the group but let me know what you think!

Celestia - 3
Luna - 3
Cadence - 0
Twilight - 2

P.S. Yes, I accidentally uploaded this chapter to Cards Against Starlight first. Yes, I'm aware that I'm an idiot.