Celestia kept up her glare at Luna as she picked up the first black card of the round. "Unfortunately, nopony can be told what blank is. You have to experience it for yourself."

"Huh, this could be interesting," Cadence said absently.

The three younger princesses flicked through their cards for a few moments and, soon enough, three answers were sat in front of the eldest. Celestia flicked her mane and lifted the first card, then choked and spluttered as she read it.

"Oooo, what does it say?" Cadence asked eagerly.

Luna cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "It must be truly perverse if it has flustered even you, Tia."

"No, no, I'm not flustered." Celestia cleared her throat and drew herself up, assuming her most regal pose. "Unfortunately, nopony can be told what fucking my sister is. You have to experience it for yourself."

Cadence clamped a foreleg over her muzzle, trying to stifle her snorts. Twilight just froze, a bright blush creeping up her face. Luna, for her part, rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly and looked away. "We, erm, we swore we'd never speak of that," she muttered.

Celestia's eyes bulged out of their sockets. "I-, you-, what th-" She looked to Cadence and Twilight, both of whom had their mouths hanging open in shock, and shook her head desperately. "She's lying! We've never ever done anything like that, I swear! Tell them, Luna!"

A loud snort was Luna's first response. Giggling softly, she shook her head. "As much as I enjoy seeing my sister trip over her own words, I must admit that she is telling the truth. We have never engaged in any form of sexual activity together, and we never will. I have standards."

Celestia growled but kept her mouth shut, choosing to gloss over her embarrassment as quickly as possible by picking up the next answer. "Unfortunately, nopony can be told what an endless stream of diarrhoea is. You have to experience it for yourself."

"Ah, are we tasting your cooking again, Tia?" Luna asked.

A muscle feathered in Celestia's jaw and her eye started twitching quite alarmingly, but she ignored the jab and read out the last answer in a surprisingly even tone, "Unfortunately, nopony can be told what guard brutality is. You have to experience it for yourself." She gave her sister a pointed look when she finished.

"I hate to say it, aunt Celly, but the sister fucking was definitely the funniest,"Cadence put in.

Celestia scowled, but after a moment she relented with a sigh. "Regrettably, I agree with you." She picked up the black card and levitated it over to Luna. "Here you are, I assume this is your point."

"A-actually, it's mine," Twilight cut in, her cheeks doing their level best to impersonate Big Mac's natural complexion.

The expressions of shock on the others' faces were priceless, though Cadence's swiftly gave way to a coy smirk. "Well, that's an interesting card choice there, Twilight. If you really want to experience what fucking your sister is like, I'd be happy to show yo-oof!" She was knocked sprawling as a seat cushion suddenly introduced itself to her face at high speed.

"Perhaps we should steer this conversation away from incestuous behaviour," Luna supplied, well aware that she was a large contributor to said topic. Giving her mane a quick shake, more to cover herself from Celestia's disapproving look than anything, she used her magic to grab a black card. "I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure what you're suffering from is called 'blank'."

"Ooh, can we all read out our own answers for this one? Cadence asked with an excited clop of her hooves. "That way it'll be as if we're all diagnosing Luna. What do you think?"

"I think I'm about to receive a considerable quantity of abuse," Luna said flatly. "Still, I cannot deny that it should be quite amusing. You may proceed."

Cadence let out a cheerful yip and eagerly flicked through her answers, Celestia doing the same. Twilight followed suit with considerably less gusto, signaling her readiness with a nod long after the other two were prepared.

"Very well. Celestia? Why don't you start us off? Luna said, with the air of someone preparing themselves for the worst.

Celestia cleared her throat and spoke in the tone she usually used for official regal speeches, "I am no doctor, but I'm fairly sure what you are suffering from is called uncut daddy dick."

Cadence giggled loudly, while Luna and Twilight both displayed a surprising aptitude for performing a synchronised face-hoof.

"Cadence, would you be so kind as to move us on from that… image… please?" Luna muttered.

The Princess of Love nodded and held up her own card. "Well, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure what you're suffering from is called unfathomable stupidity."

Luna gave her a flat look. "You're a fine one to talk."

"W-what the heck is that supposed to mean?!" Cadence spluttered.

Levitating a cup of tea, Luna took a quick sip before answering, "Sister told me about the Princest Poon incident."

Cadence blushed furiously, her eyes darting around wildly. "I… um… oh."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what was the Princest Poon incident?" Twilight asked tentatively.

Celestia frowned. "A certain princess decided that she was interested in becoming a pornographic actress. Princest Poon was the stage name she came up with." She glared sidelong at Cadence. "Suffice to say, I put a stop to that moment of madness the second I heard of it."

Twilight eyed her uncharacteristically embarrassed sister-in-law with concern. "I suspect that I'm going to thoroughly regret asking this, but what's the significance of the 't' in-" she grimaced, "-'princest'?"

The rest of the princesses just looked away, not willing to answer. After a moment Celestia coughed into her hoof and said gently, "If you value your sanity, don't ask. Why don't you just give us your answer?"

"Fair enough." Twilight shifted her wings slightly and levitated her own card. "I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure what you're suffering from is called being a mare." The others just looked at her in an almost pitying manner. "Yeah, yeah, my cards weren't great for this one."

"Understandable," Luna replied. "Unfathomable stupidity wins this round." As she levitated the card over to Cadence, who did a little hoof-pump at finally winning her first point of the game, Luna frowned and tapped her chin with a hoof. "Odd, I feel a sudden urge to shout at Miss Lulamoon."

"I get that a lot, too," Twilight said reassuringly. "Anyway, I think it's Cadence's turn."

Cadence nodded, her cheeks still several shades darker than their usual pink, and picked out a question. "In a world ravaged by blank, our only solace is blank."

The other three immediately set to flicking through their cards. As the seconds ticked over into minutes, Cadence sighed and said, "Since you all clearly have crap cards, why don't you just come up with something that at least makes some semblance of sense so we can get this over with?"

With a sigh or two, and a little grumbling, three pairs of cards were levitated over to Cadence. "Okay, first up; In a world ravaged by some pony, our only solace is quality, affordable stallionswear." She stared at the cards blankly for a moment, then casually tossed them aside. "In a world ravaged by a mopey zoo lion, our only solace is kissing nan on the forehead and turning off her life support."

"What the f-" Twilight's mouth snapped shut just before she let the profanity slip out.

Luna just shrugged. "I believe it is an apt description of our grandmother, and a method of dealing with her that is frankly more respectful than she ever deserved."

"Wow, you really hate your grandmother," Cadence said as she picked up the last pair. "In a world ravaged by amputees, our only solace is breaking out into song and dance." She raised an eyebrow at that one. "That's disturbing, but it also sounds like something that we might actually do, so I say that this one wins."

Twilight chuckled awkwardly. "Um, yaaay?"

"Wha- that puts Twilight in the lead," Celestia said incredulously. "Luna, how is Twilight in the lead?"

"Gee, thanks," Twilight muttered sarcastically.

Luna just smiled sardonically. "Clearly you trained her too well, my dear degenerate sister. However, given that it is now her turn, we at least have a chance to equalise."

Privately hoping that Cadence won the next point, if only to annoy the other two, Twilight swiped a black card. "New at Happy Hayburger! It's what you've been waiting for: The blank burger!"

"I think a burger is the last thing we need," Luna said with a glance at the food spread out before them.

"What I need is another point or five," Cadence pouted.

Celestia smirked. "Then perhaps you should stop sucking, dear."

Cadence scowled as she picked a card. "Oh, I could teach you a thing or two about sucki-"

"Nope! Stop right there!" Twilight cut in, deducing exactly where that comment was going to end up and determined not to hear it. "Just fork your answers over." Moments later, three white cards sat in front of her. "Okay, first up… oh, for the love of- New at Happy Hayburger! It's what you've been waiting for: The bisexuality burger." She cocked her head to the side as she wondered aloud, "How would that even work?"

Cadence gave her a coy look. "That's easy. It's a slab of hot, thick meat coupled with delicious plump buns, both waiting to tingle your tongu-"

"Okay! Next answer!" Twilight snatched up the next answer before Cadence's little spiel made her mood match her forehead. "New at Happy Hayburger! It's what you've been waiting for: The… radical draconic terrorism burger? Does it explode in your mouth or something?"

"I know something that can explode in… your…" Celestia trailed off as both Twilight and Luna gave her flat glares. The large pillow levitated in a somehow threatening manner probably also had something to do with it.

"Last answer. New at Happy Hayburger! It's what you've been waiting for: The powerful thighs burger." Twilight raised an eyebrow at that one. "Let me guess, thick meat between a pair of mighty buns?"

Celestia nodded approvingly. "I really have trained you well."

Twilight sighed and, with a small blush, raised the first card. "Who had bisexuality?"

"Had and have," Cadence replied with a grin. "Yay, two points!"

Luna smiled as she shuffled her cards idly. "Interesting. There's only a couple of points between all of us. Start the next round, Tia, let's see if one of us can open up a lead."

Author's Note

And the madness continues...

Celestia - 3
Luna - 3
Cadence - 2
Twilight - 4