You're Only Human

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfic By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release. The following contains adult content and should not be read by anyone under the age of 18.

I am Andrew Eugene Shepherd… And I’ve had enough.

All right. I consider myself a kind person, I know this in my heart. I do have a temper, sure, but I’ve learned to manage it through long experience. And I do care for this crazy unicorn, deeply. Perhaps deeper than I can really grasp.

But there comes a time when the lion needs to remind the Serengeti why he’s king of the beasts. There comes a time when the primal male needs to roar. And that is this moment, right now. Either I let the crazy unicorn force herself on me… Or I have her on my terms.

It’s as though I can hear and feel generations of human men, from all across my world and from all places and times, chanting in my blood. Bellowing out a simple command, just four little words:

Fuck. Her. Brains. Out.

My hand snapped up, fast as lightning, and I grasped her glowing horn. Her crazed face became surprised, her eyes crossing as I tightened my grip. I could feel the magic thrumming through the horn, trying to get out but failing. That suited me fine.

I reached up with my other hand, and grasped the back of her head. My fingers dug into her mane, and she whimpered. I swallowed any further sounds she made in a kiss, pulling her mouth to mine.

Her tongue flailed a bit, her inexperience showing. I took control, my tongue lashing around hers to deepen our kiss. She moaned against me, and the sound sent a rush of heat right through me. I squeezed her horn, and she gasped loudly against my mouth. I didn’t let her pull away though, and after a minute she finally gave up her resistance.

Part of me relished it. Another part wanted her to fight me more. I’d deal with those later.

I sat up, still kissing her, still holding her horn tightly to keep her helpless. Her hooves batted weakly at my shoulders, even as I pushed her back, back, right onto the floor. Only now did I break the kiss, a long string of spittle connecting our lips. Twilight gasped for breath, her cheeks flushed even through her fur.

“Sh-Shepherd, I-” She tried, but I gave her horn another tight squeeze. She squeaked, and trembled. I shook my head.

“Shush,” I ordered, eyes narrowed. She blushed harder. “Don’t move.”

She trembled, but obeyed. I looked down her body with a predator’s gaze.

She wasn’t actually that different from a human in many respects-Her torso and the curves of her hips and flanks were definitely human-like. And nestled between her hindlegs was a mound-Again, not unlike a human’s. It was much softer looking than an Earth horse’s, though she was still winking as she leaked juices from her slit.

Above her mound though was an interesting surprise-Her teats. Granted, they were small but still soft, perky, and inviting. If not for the purple coloration, they would also almost look human-Just in the wrong place.

On the other hand… I took the hand that wasn’t holding her horn, and ran it down her belly. I gently grasped her teats, and Twilight trembled again. I felt her up, and she closed her eyes. Her hooves moved to her cheeks, like she was trying to hide herself in embarrassment as I fondled her.

My most primitive instincts and my higher brain functions were in agreement:

Tits are tits.

The smell of her musk… That was something else. I’d smelled aroused women, and their scents could be very distinctive. Nothing quite like Twilight’s though: Musky, but sweet and a bit fruity. Kind of like a rich wine. I leaned in and sniffed more deeply of her winking slit, and she moaned as more juices leaked out. I stuck my tongue out and ran it up, from her anus to her hooded clit. She trembled violently, her hooves squeezing around my hand that kept her helpless.

I could taste tartness, and sweet-Like a rich meade mixed with wine. I looked up into her eyes, and pulled her horn to make sure our gazes were locked. I licked again, and her mouth opened as she gasped loudly. I added a tweak to one of her nipples, just for spice.

“AH-Ahhhn~!” She covered her mouth with a hoof, biting down on it. I began lapping at her marehood, eagerly thrusting my tongue in deeper for more. She was a furnace-Vaguely I remembered that horses have a higher body temperature than humans-a hot meal for my tastebuds to enjoy as my hand enjoyed her tits.

“Ahh-Ahhhh… Sh-Shep… Mmmm…!” Twilight suppressed another loud groan, and her pussy flooded my mouth. Enough I could audibly swallow, and I did so while our eyes were locked. She looked away, still trembling, still redder than an apple. I gripped her firm, soft flank, squeezing it tight, and she jumped. She looked down at me, caught between pleasure and mortification. I loved it, loved the power, loved how good I was making her feel.

Loved it all as a prelude to me finally busting my nut in her.

I shoved a finger up her pussy then, as it was nice and lubricated. I needed it, too-She was tight as a screw buried in wood, squeezing jealously around my digit. She squirmed as I probed her depths, her head thrown back as I sought out her weakest points. I curled my finger upwards-Did she have a G-spot like a human woman?

“MMM! MMPPHHH!” She practically shrieked through her hoof as I ran over a cluster of nerves somewhere behind her clit. Okay, that was a big yes. My smile began positively demonic. I waited for her to look down again. I opened my lips wide and took her clit into my mouth. I closed my jaw slowly, my teeth grazing over her nub, as I ruthlessly rubbed her weak spot with my finger. She squirmed almost violently, to the point I had to tighten my grip on her horn-And it all came together.

“MMMMNGH! MMMMMMMMMMNNGGHHH~!” Twilight squirted, gushing out like a firehose, all over my face and jaw as her body contacted like an accordion! My ears were saved from her shriek only by her hoof, but as it was she was still bellowing around the gag. I was briefly concerned, and had to hold her kicking hindlegs in my shoulders to keep her from thrashing about. I kept her tail trapped under my weight, even as she tried to whip it around.

I slowly eased off the pressure on her, letting my teeth relax. This had the benefit of letting me lap up any remaining juices as my finger gently rubbed elsewhere inside her vagina.

She slowly calmed down, just enough that I didn’t think she’d throw me off. She withdrew her hoof from her mouth, her drool dripping from it, as she sucked in deep, desperate breaths of air. Her musk was filling the air, a perfume that seemed to send all my blood right to my cock.

I crawled up on top of her, pinning her down by her shoulders. She looked up at me, mouth agape and sucking in air, eyes slightly glazed. She looked down, her ever present blush much deeper than before. She made a worried knicker.

“Sh-Shepherd, I-”

“Shhh,” I hushed her. I leaned down to nuzzle her. “Crazy horse… You’ve got exactly one thing to care about right now.”

“Wh-What?” Twilight whispered. I kissed her, muffling any cry she might make as I slowly forced my cock into her waiting pussy. It was a good thing, too-She was immediately crying out down my throat as I pushed in, parting her tightness like a nail driving into wood.

I felt a barrier, and somewhere in my mind that wasn’t consumed by the heat and wetness, I remembered that horses, like most large mammals, did have hymens. A fact not lost on Twilight, who patted me urgently enough on the shoulder I broke the kiss. She took deep breaths, her chest heaving.

“W-Wait…!” She looked up at her horn. “Please.. Just…!”

I released my grip, but kept my fingers running up and down her horn. She groaned, but she was able to focus long enough to shoot a bit of purple energy from her horn into her belly. She looked up at me with a smile, still pulling in deep lungfuls of air.

“O-Okay… It won’t hurt now,” she whispered. “Please…!”

I smiled at her, again holding her horn. Her eyes rolled back and she grinned, and that’s all I needed to slam into her, deep. She again cried out, my mouth too late to silence her. She curled up again like she was doing a sit up, her legs wrapping tight around my waist and shoulders.

It was tight. So tight I couldn’t recall a human woman being like this. Hot too, and so deliciously wet and sloppy every move I made was like through warm oil.

Her internal muscles though… My dick felt like the hands of goddesses were stroking, caressing and squeezing it! Her lower lips kept winking around me, massaging my base!

Crap. One thrust in and I was almost ruined for any more human women.

Then I pulled out, her tight pussy doing everything in its power to draw me back in, and I let out a groan.

Okay… Definitely ruined for human women.

Twilight’s cries were loud as I began to get into a rhythm-Loud enough I kept trying to kiss her to keep her quiet. It didn’t do any good though-I needed air and to cry out too, so soon we were both making a lot of noise. Any concern for that though seemed to vanish, the harder I pounded her. I felt her tail wrap around my thigh, her hooves digging into my ass and shoulders, her teats squeezed against my waist and how her cries and gasps got louder.

The floor creaked as I pounded into her, that singular drive taking over. All my life, endless distraction had ruled my mind but in this moment? There was only one thing I cared about-Making this mare mine. Over and over and over I thrust in, that delicious tightness pulling me back in as surely as her desperate pleas for more!

I was so overwhelmed that even my own orgasm crept up on me-Her sopping wet pussy a symphony in flesh! And I added my own finale: One loud, almost violent pounding finale as my balls slapped against her tight rump. I recalled that horses often bit their mates in coitus, and my teeth found her neck and clamped down. She screamed, so loudly my ears almost hurt. I was beyond caring though, as I exploded with a muffled roar deep inside her.

I felt her womb slurp up every drop I put into her, and I’ll be honest-It was a lot. A lot more than I was used to. I hadn’t masturbated a lot since I got here, because it always made quite a mess. I don’t know what it was: The magic in the air maybe? I had no clue. All I did know was that I was filling her up like a hose, a bulge forming in her belly like a purple water balloon.

Seeing this, I almost hoped I could get her pregnant.

I kept thrusting, a few more times, her pussy still a heavenly place drawing out all my seed. I finally slowed as her body relaxed. I joined her, my arms already around her. I cuddled her tightly, and she nuzzled me back. She licked the sweat from my skin, humming in a tired, happy way. I finally let go of her horn, and scritched behind her ears. Twilight cooed, burying her nose in my chest.

“Haa… Haaa… Haaa... “ I panted. “I think… I think I’m… Okay… With being attracted to ponies.”

“G-Good… Good…” Twilight mumbled, her eyes sliding shut. It didn’t take long for her to start making cute little snoring sounds, tucked tightly against my body. I very slowly, gingerly, stood up-I had to lean back to balance her weight.

Remember kids: Lift with your legs, not your back. Especially when an exhausted unicorn is on your cock.

I don’t even know how I got her up to her bedroom, but I managed it. It was only then I pulled out-And I kind of regretted it. That massive load I’d shot into her began to leak out onto the mattress, along with her own juices. I grimaced, and awkwardly positioned her as the little spoon. I got up behind her as the big spoon, and pulled the unspoiled sheets over us.

It would have to do for tonight…

The next morning, I felt a distinct lack of body heat against me. I also felt the sun in my eyes, so that was another annoyance. I groaned and opened my eyes, cursing that Celestia even existed. Stupid pony princess with her stupid sun converting hydrogen into helium at me…

I leaned up and rubbed my temples. I sighed loudly, and looked around the room. I blinked as I noticed something. Or rather, the lack of something.

The odor of sex was gone. Completely. I checked the bed-Not a drop of sex juices left! My clothes were on a nearby chair, nearly folded and cleaned.

For a moment, I wondered if I’d imagined it.

Then Twilight trotted up into the room, a platter of breakfast held in her telekinetic grip. She stared at me, blushed, and looked down.

Okay Dorothy. Looks like you did fuck a pony last night.

“Sh-Shepherd, um,” Twilight began slowly, as she trotted up to the side of the bed. She placed the platter down in front of me, still not meeting my eyes. “I… I’m so sorry.”

I blinked. “Oh?” I asked. It seemed as good a response as any. Twilight nodded.

“I am. I… I feel like I almost forced you into this,” she admitted. “I-I mean, you took control pretty fast because um… I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know what I was doing before that…” Twilight held her hooves to her cheeks, her breathing becoming faster. “Oh Celestia, what have I done?! I’m a-I’m a-!”

“Woah woah woah!” I said. My hand again grasped her horn, and she froze. “Once again… Calm. Down,” I said. Twilight slowly looked at me, again blushing bright red. She swallowed loudly.

“I… You’re right, you’re right,” she mumbled. I scratched her head, and I sighed.

“Look,” I began, “this… This wasn’t ideal. Hell, this probably wasn’t your ideal way to… You know, lose your virginity.”

Twilight blushed harder, and glanced aside. “No,” she admitted. “But it was-I really enjoyed it.”

“Well, so did I,” I said. “This was completely consensual sex in the missionary position, Twilight: That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“The what position?” Twilight asked, curious. I smiled.

“I’ll explain later,” I said. “But look. Yes, you went nuts. Yes we had sex. Yes, I enjoyed it. So did you. So… Is there anything you really need to worry about?”

Twilight shook her head slowly. “I… A few things,” she admitted. I pulled her up into my lap, ignoring her squeal. I turned her to look at me and smiled.

“So let’s deal with them together,” I said. “You don’t have to face it alone.” I cupped her cheek, and she blushed prettily.

Maybe it was the sex talking. I mean, it had been a while. Maybe it was seeing a lot of her own fretting in me. How I was when I first got here. But there was a part of me that deeply cared for this little, crazy unicorn. And that part didn’t want to freak out.

“All right,” Twilight said with a nod. She looked at me, determined. “We’ll face it together… As we continue to explore the magic of not just friendship… But also romance! If... If you'd like?”

She looked so hopeful, how could I turn her down?

Also, pussy. Hard to turn that down too.

“Ah,” I began, and then shrugged. “Okay. Sounds good to me.”

“So let’s explore more of it, right now,” Twilight said happily. She leaned in for a kiss, which I happily returned. It was so nice that neither of us heard the clopping of hooves on the staircase.

“Twilight! Spike heard screaming last night! Poor dear stayed with me, is everything-?” Began Rarity, before she abruptly stopped. Twilight broke the kiss first, looking back over her shoulder. The entirety of her friends, the other holders of the Elements of Harmony (plus Spike) were staring with slack jaws at the scene. Nobody said anything… Until…

“Wow! One less crazy catlady in our future group!” Pinkie Pie cried cheerfully. Rainbow Dash began to laugh hard. Applejack flushed, and tried to pull the now catatonic Spike away. Rarity immediately began barraging us with questions, as Fluttershy just blushed bright red.

Twilight seemed to have gone catatonic as well, seeing as she was frozen on my lap. I sighed and patted her on the head.

“Lesson one,” I managed. “Lock the door.”

Author's Note

Less comedy, more sex. So, how'd I do?

If the response is positive enough, I'll probably do more such one shots-Involving different ponies as Twilight decides to study the magic of romance thoroughly. Yes, it is probably just an excuse to get laid a lot. Shepherd is not going to complain about that... Much.