Ponies Go to South Park

The Part Where There’s Conflict

Chapter 2 written by Abyx4433. Yeah, I guess this is a collab type thing now?

No one spoke for a few moments. Stan looked like he was sweating bullets. Finally, Kyle broke the silence. “...Stan, what the hell was-”

“NOTHING! THE INTERNET IS USELESS AND WE SHOULD JUST GO TO THE LIBRARY!”

Kyle was about to reply when Cartman interrupted. “Fuck you, the internet is useless! I saw what you had on there, now lemme see the computer!” Cartman then tried to grab the laptop, but Stan’s grip was obviously stronger and pulled away. He got up and backed away from the group, holding the laptop protectively.

Twilight then whispered to Kyle, “Why is he acting like this?”

Kyle simply responded, “Probably some porn or something.”

“What’s ‘porn?’”

“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING TELL HER!” Stan shouted.

“Stan, I’m sure if you hand the laptop over, I’ll exit out of whatever it is you were on before letting the others see,” Kyle reassured.

Stan looked unsure for a second, but then said, “Fine, but Kenny is the one who has to do it.”

Kenny just shrugged and took the computer. He positioned himself so that no one else could see the screen. After opening it, he burst out in muffled laughter.

After a few moments, he finally calmed and said, “Rmmly? Pnnkne Pne?”

“Just exit out of the damn thing!”

"Alrmmt, cmm dmmn." He promptly went to Google and handed the laptop back to Stan.

Just as everyone started to crowd around the laptop again, the sounds of many cars pulling up and the slams of doors could be heard outside. Soon, the sound of people breaking down the front door reached their ears. Stan put the laptop down and went to the window. As far as he could see, there were large, obese men wearing varying pony shirts and holding up signs with words of praise... and of other words.

“Goddammit, Dad!” Stan shouted angrily.

A ladder was thrown up to the window and shattered the glass. A large man with an unruly beard climbed up and shouted, “Where’s Pinkie!? I want a cupcake!”

Rainbow quickly ran to the window and bucked the man off the ladder. You could hear him shouting in excitement over something about not washing his face again. “Who are these creeps!?”

“They’re other bronies. Your show has somewhat of a cult following,” Stan said.

The door to the bedroom opened and Randy was standing there with a shotgun in hand. “Son, grab your friends and the ponies! We need to get out of here!” Another brony reached the window and Randy shot him in the face. The ponies’ and dragon’s faces quickly distorted with fear and disgust. “Quickly!!”

“Dad! What the hell did you do!?”

“I sent a video of the ponies to Equestria Daily along with our address.”

“WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU- wait, when did you get video of us?”

“I always film myself making omelettes.”

Stan was silent for a few moments, then went back to yelling, “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?”

“Because I was thinking about the money and fame! Now come on!”

Randy ran back downstairs and more shots were heard. The boys, ponies, and dragon and were hesitant before they made the decision to follow. Randy had cleared a path to the family car and was waiting for the others. Everybody, -pony, and -drake else piled into the car and Randy tried the ignition. However, like in many cliched suspense scenes, the car wouldn’t start.

“C’mon, c’mon!”

Bronies began rocking the car back and forth, hoping to roll it over, but the ignition finally brought the car to life and Randy drove through the crowd, hitting anyone in the way. They were finally out of the crowd, but there were still bronies scattered around town. Some holding weapons for whatever reason. Even though they were a safe distance away, Randy kept on swerving just to run them down.

“Stay away! They’re just like us, not some pieces of meat here for you to gawk at! Go to a strip club for that!”

Soon, they finally made it out of town, with an angry mob of bronies trailing behind.

“Where is he taking us?” Twilight asked shakily.

“Dad, where are you taking us?!”

“Seattle; I was able to get the ponies booked for Everfree Northwest!”

“Everfree Northwest ended days ago, dumbass!”

Randy was silent for a few moments before pulling a sharp 180 with the car. The ponies and dragon yelped at the sudden turn.

“I knew that! I meant that we’re going to D.C. to get us a meeting with the President! You kids have met him before, right?”

“Are you stupid?! Kyle has once, I think, but that doesn’t mean-”

“That’s good enough to get us in!”

Randy unnecessarily punched the gas and went speeding back through the crowd of enraged and excited bronies. After many casualties, they were finally on the other side of town, heading the opposite way of their original destination.

Everyone was silent for a few hours. The ponies and dragon were still horrified over Randy’s reckless killing-spree, the boys were bored as usual, and Randy was concentrating on diving into gold- err, I mean, driving on the road.

Finally, Twilight spoke up to voice some of her curiosities. “So, this ‘President.’ Is he your leader? Does he raise the Sun here?”

Cartman was the first to reply. “How the fuck would the President raise the Sun? ...Well, I guess that might explain why black people look burnt. Maybe they can raise the Sun.”

Kyle was quick to rectify Cartman’s remark. “Cartman, shut up. Don’t listen to him, Twilight. He’s too stupid and prejudice to know what he’s saying.”

“Shut your damn Jew mouth, Kyle! Your stupid and prodigious!”

“I bet you don’t even know what prodigious means!”

“Sure I do. It probably means I’m fat or something.”

Kyle, actually knowing that prodigious could technically mean that, just kept silent. Stan went ahead and continued the conversation.

“No, our President doesn’t raise the Sun. In fact, no one does. It just kinda does that on its own.”

Twilight looked stupefied at this information. “B-but that’s impossible! How is that possible!?”

Stan simply shrugged and said, “Shit, I don’t know. Google it or something.”