No.

The word so short, simple, and utterly crushing.

Anon took one of the proffered brown bottles from his poofy, pink-haired friend as he remembered just how thoroughly he had been shut down by the beautifully stern mare. The Pie family manor’s front hallway wasn’t the most ignominious of places to drink a commiserative alcoholic beverage… but it wasn’t far off, either.

“I already had my guts ripped out once today.” Anon slugged back the bottle of custom-made homebrew ale. ”Might as well give Nurse Redheart a good reason to replace my intestines the next time.”

“Aww, c’mon Nonny,”” Pinkie cajoled, trying to cheer him up. “It isn’t that bad.”

“What? Your mom’s rejection or this horrifying rock-based beer?” Anon endured a second swing, but gulped the amber, fizzy liquid, followed by a satisfied gasp. “Actually, I gotta say, for something tearing thousands of micro-lacerations into my esophageal lining—this is pretty tasty.”

“Right?” Pinkie snorted. “And I was referring to mom’s rejection.” Pinkie bounced Anon with her mile-wide smile stretching across her face. “Now that you’ve told me exactly what she said, I don’t even know why you’re so upset!”

“Pinkie.” Anon rubbed his forehead with a groan. “Did you miss something? She literally said she finds me disgusting and uncouth. That your dad ensures her rocks get off every night. And that the probability of us banging is about the same that Twilight Sperg-lord manages to get a date.”

“Pshhh.” Pinkie blew a small raspberry, rolling her eyes “That's my mom playing hard to get.” Pinkie giggled while falling onto her back, rolling around in laughter. “Trust me. If she really didn’t want you hitting on her…”

Pinkie stopped laughing and rolling, sitting upright, stock, and twisting to glare at Anon. The goofiness of her hair flattened, straightening.

“You’d be dead.”

Chills licked across Anon’s spine. The bulb above flickered violently, moments of darkness met by mere seconds of light. Winds crashed against the glass with faint cracks striking. The wooden floors groaned below him. Anon swallowed, tried to gulp away the sense of foreboding.

“So look on the bright side! She didn’t kill you, right?” Pinkie smiled as life flooded across her frame and blood pumped through her veins once more. Talk about bipolar. “That means you’ve still got a shot! Give her barrel a roll, cowboy!”

“Uh.” Anon stammered. He wiped the cold sweat drying his brow... “I’m not sure about that one, Ponk. Pretty sure my MILF quest dies here. No way to complete the mom-six, I guess.”

“Silly Nonny, how were you ever going to get AJ’s mom?”

“I dunno. A will and a way and all that.” Anon shrugged and took another deep swig of beer.

“That’s the spirit!” Pinkie zoomed next to him, her hooves squeezing his cheeks and shaking him sideways. “And you still have the will, right?”

Anon sighed and slumped against the wall. “I don’t know, Pranka, that was pretty much the most stone-cold rejection I’ve ever received. How am I supposed to recover from getting crushed that hard?”

Pinkie grinned up at him. Her eyebrows naughtily fluttered.“Oh really? So you’re saying you’ve lost your will, huh?”

Still facing him, the pink cupcake creator took one of her hooves off Anon’s cheeks and ran them down his chest. The human swallowed his latest mouthful of beer as the pink appendages pressed through his shirt, feeling his chest and sliding down his belly.

“P-Panka…” The furs of her hoof were ticklish against his skin. “K-Knock that off.”

“Oh? What’s this? Is the mopey, groany, whiney-hiney human ticklish?” She grinned. “Am I gonna have to tickle him until he cheers up?”

“Haha… S-st-stop… hahaha!”

Anon tried to push the tickling hoof away.

“Or maybe, he’s more ticklish… down here.” Pinkie slid her hoof into his crotch, mashing his frank and beans against the inside of his leg with due care but clearing taking liberties with her groping as she smiled with a predator’s confidence into Anon’s face.

Instinctively, Anon flinched, shutting his legs against the predatory invasion’. But the rock-farmer turned baker slid her hind leg between his knees, her earth-pony strength easily prying his legs apart, granting her access to molest his privates.

“Nngh… f-fuck Pinks…” Anon groaned. The skillful hoof was rousing him, coaxing a heat into his groin that would rapidly throb into a full-blown, stiff, fire. He pressed himself off the wall he had been leaning against only for the steel beneath of Pinkie’s other forehoof to plant itself on his shoulder, slamming him against the wall—pinning him.

“See… if my little colt-friend is low on willpower, Aunty Pinkie will just have to give it to him.” Pinke grinned as she pony-handled the human, making him feel as impotent as a toddler fighting a UFC champion.

“‘Cuz I know for all your bluster and bravado Nonny, what you really want is a mare who can take what she wants.” Pinkie slipped her hoof over the edge of Anon’s waistband, the frog of her hoof taking hold of his junk and giving him a playful, but powerful squeeze.

“F-fuck!” Anon breathed, half-whimpering.

“Obviously!” Pinkie giggled. “That’s what you’re wanna do, my little stud-man.” Pinkie growled and gave a nip to the underside of Anon’s chin, which was as high as she could reach while up on her rear hooves. “But not to me, silly…”

Anon grunted, reaching out for the pink mane of the blue-eyed sexual assaulter accosting him only to whiff entirely. In a blur, the mare had dodged under his grasp and turned around to face away from him while on all fours. Instead of grabbing pink hair, he had grabbed pink tail.

But she didn’t even give him a second to dislodge himself from the wall, before slamming back against him with her deliciously pudgy and dangerously powerful, round, soft, ass.

“No, if you think I’m being rough, you’re just a big sissy-missy.” Pinkie grinned over her shoulder as she ground that beautiful ghetto booty against him. It was all he could do to clench the handful of tail that he’d gotten hold of as Pinkie’s pillowy cheeks sandwiched his half-staff flagpole, as she scooched left and right in a way that dragged the fabric of his sweatpants across his sensitive bits.

“Nonny, my mom’s butt would have put you through this wall by now.” Pinkie grinned, as she started to twerk backward into his hips, crushing his pelvic bones into a fine powder.

“And while my donut-holes are all sweet, and soft….” Pinkie giggled, directing her eyes downward as she stared over her shoulder at Anon, a clear instruction for him to do the same. Anon did so and saw Pinkie’s fat, wide, pink tailhole under her dock, and just the barest hint of something a different shade of pink below… before her whole plot mashed back into his crotch with a grinding quiver. “My mom’s tighter and harder than a diamond. She’ll snip you right off, Nonny.”

“F-fuck… P-pink.” Anon groaned, reaching down with his free hand to hook the band of his sweatpants and start pulling them down, trying desperately to free himself and get the skin on skin contact with the delicious heat source he could feel through the cotton of his pants. He couldn’t believe how quickly this was happening, but he certainly wasn’t complaining.

He’d been hit on a few times by Pinkie, of course, but he’d always thought it to be just her playful and teasing manner - knowing how to make friends with someone who followed the path of the lewd by being an obnoxious cock-tease - really, the only way to befriend a troll is to out shitpost them.

But she had that weird-ass Al Yankovic clone boyfriend, not to mention Anon suspected (and accused) her of giving free blowies to every new stallion that wandered into town. He’d never really thought that he’d had a shot with the spunky sparkplug. And yet here she was. Grinding her butt all up on him.

His now fully erect stiffness slid between the cushy-pillows of pony-ass sliding, flopping up onto the bottom of her tailbone each time she would press back and down. He managed to pop his purple tip out from his waistband edge during one of Pinkie’s pumping rocks, finally rubbing his throbbing need against the soft fur of her back.

Anon hiked Pinkie’s tail up with one hand and grabbed himself with the other, hoping to position himself appropriately on Pinkie’s next forward movement to enter her on the following back-stroke. “Shit, Pinks… I’m gonna fuck y-…”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Pinkie clicked her tongue, then proceeded to slam all her strength rearward with alarming speed, pinning Anon’s member up against his belly. “I think you’re confusing me for my mom, Anon… you only bang MILFs, remember?”

“I… I could make an exception,” Anon grunted, trying with all his might to push the sumptuous pony hips away from him, so he could line-up and ram his rod home. “I have in the past… pretty much anypony except Flutters is fair game, really.”

“No, no, no…” Pinkie scolded, wiggling left and right. Anon could only moan as he felt the hot, wet kiss of Pinkie’s steamy nethers against his balls, the warm embrace of her ponut against his mid-shaft, and the tickling hairs of her tail against his cock head. “Trust me Anon… the plot you really want is my mom’s.”

“Can’t I have both?”

“Nuh-uh.” Pinkie bent her legs and arms slightly, scooching her bottom downward and dragging the waistband of Anon’s sweats down with her - freeing the human’s sizable manhood to flop onto her lower back with a meaty thwap. Pinkie looked over her shoulder, eyes widening at the sight of just far up her back the human’s thick length rose. “Wowee… and seeing that makes me realize that the stud my mom wants is you. I think you’re a little too big for me, Nonny.”

“Y-you’re pretty stretchy, though…” Anon begged, hooking his hands into the pudge of hips.

“Whoops!” Pinkie giggled, slipping forwards quickly, causing Anon to slip and fall forward onto his knees, sweatpants around his thighs, his shame bobbing in the air pathetically. “Would you look at the time? I gotta get back to Ponyville.”

“Wh… WHAT!?” Anon screamed, throwing his arms wide in disbelief before motioning back to his junk. “What the fuck Pinkie?”

“I’ve got cupcakes in the oven, Nonny.”

“I wanted to put a cupcake in your oven.”

“Nah, that wasn’t gonna happen, Nonners.” Pinkie giggled. “Not today, anyway.”

“Y-y… you blue-balling BITCH!” Anon growled, jumping to his feet. He grabbed his junk with one hand and motioned to it with the other. “You just gave me the lap-dance so intense that my sweatpants got laid, using your Kim Kardashian shaming ass, then you’re gonna leave me hanging?”

“Yup.”

“At least give me a quickie!”

“Nah.”

“A blowjob then.”

“Nope.”

“Hoofjob?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“...manejob? That thing is prehensile, right?”

“Nonny.” Pinkie sighed, “What was the point of giving you all that willpower back if you are just gonna shoot it out all over my mane? Won’t it be more fun to save it up for the pony you really came here for?”

Anon crossed his arms and grumbled. “Feels more to me that you’re looking for an excuse to get away with being a cock-teasing brat.” He pouted, turning his nose up slightly. “That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that a friend would do, Pinkie, I thought you wanted to see me smile.”

Pinkie’s cheer slumped, ever so slightly. “Nonny… it’s for your own good.”

“No, sure. Whatever Pinks…” Anon turned to face away from her, his organ still bobbing comically in front of him. “Just go, run off to Ponyville and your cupcakes or whatever. I see how it is, I’m not your friend, right?”
Pinkie sagged and sighed. “Tell you what, Anon. If you don’t get your dick wet in my mom’s rock pouch tonight… I’ll give you ten minutes tomorrow to do whatever you want with me.”

Anon didn’t turn around, still pouting, his bare ass hanging out. “Thirty minutes.” He grunted.

“Twenty. We both know you can’t last thirty.” Pinkie countered.

“Any hole?” Anon turned around, his eyebrow raised.

Pinkie looked down at his massive appendage, still throbbing angrily. She cast a backward glance at her bottom, then swallowed. “Any hole. No guarantees that you’ll fit… but I’ll try.”

“Yesssss!” Anon pumped his fist.

Suddenly, Pinkie’s eyes went wide and she grabbed her ears. “W-wait! No ears, ears are off-limits!”

Anon grinned evilly. Apparently, the party-mare was sensitive about her ears. “Oh no, they aren’t, Ponk. Deals a deal! I’m gonna rub the hell out of your earholes then paint them white with my special frosting.”

“Nooooooo!” Pinkie whined out, her eyes going into their trademarked sad-puppy dog mode. But she took a breath composed herself and considered, then nodded. “Ok. Fine. And I’m only agreeing because I know there’s no way you’re getting those twenty minutes tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Hang on a sec.” Pinkie zipped out in a blur of pink motion, before appearing back in front of Anon, wielding a white rag. With a quick and casual movement, she wrapped the white chamois around his bobbing bell-end and proceeded to give him a couple of industrious hoof-pumps.

“Mmf! I thought a hoofjob was off the table?” Anon grunted, as Pinkie quickly rubbed her cloth against his purplish head.

“It is.” Pinkie chirped, suddenly stopping her efforts and pulling the cloth away. She held it up in front of Anon, showing the damp, sticky spot in the middle from the pre-ejaculatory extract she’d drawn from him. She pulled the cloth to her nose and took in a deep, snuffling inhale, her mouth dropping open slightly and drooling as her eyes rolled in ecstasy. “Mmmm…. Eau d’anon…”

“You’re weird.”

“Yup!” Pinkie smiled, before disappearing in a blur of pink again. She shot all over her family house, moving almost too fast for the eye to see, but what little motion Anon could pick up he discerned the mare rubbing her white cloth over every surface of the house, on each pillow, on her mother’s hanging scarves, like some kind of demented, high-speed maid.

Finally, she stopped in front of Anon, panting and blinking, handing him back the cloth. “Here. You won’t need this tonight, now… if you catch my drift.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “My ears are safe for another day!”

She trotted happily to the door.

“Wait, Pinkie… where are you going?”

“Uh, Ponyville? My cupcakes, remember?”

“But… what about me?” Anon pointed at himself, genitals still hanging out.

“Oh, you’re staying the night.” Pinkie nodded. “No way you’ll make it back to the train station before it closes, you don’t have Pinkie-speed.”

“B-but… your mom said she wanted me off the property. She threw me out!”

“Oh pshaw. Puh-shaw, Anon! She was joking. Joking! Hahaha, right? Sheesh.” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Make yourself at home, you’ll be fine.”

“Uh… are you sure?”

“Yep! Now I gotta Dash Anon, so just remember: Marble gets really loud when she pops, and Lime’s weak spot is just under her dock!”

“Lime? Marble? What?”

“Byeeeeeeee!” In a blast of pink smoke, the whirlwind was gone.

Anon looked out at the disappearing pink streak, scratching the back of his head, then craned his neck back to look into the house and up the stairs. It was getting late… maybe he should just turn in, for now, Pinkie did say it was alright to stay the night, right?

He walked up the stairs, still refusing to pull up his sweatpants, so it was more of an awkward shuffle. Then looked down the austere, country-house hallway.

Immediately to his left was the master bedroom, which had an ornate four-poster bed inside, pictures of the Pie family, and a lovely setting of home-made antique furniture. Clearly, this was Ignaceous and Cloudy Quartz’s room.

But.

He was a guest after all, right? And Pinkie did say that his stay would be welcome, that Cloudy had just been joking around, right? So…

Anon leaped up onto the bed, lending with a thump and grunting.

Stiff mattress. Figures.

Still, it had been a long day, and he could use a little nap.

With a smile on his face, the obnoxious human curled into the pillows, falling asleep with a grin on his face, his bare, erect genitals still pointing straight up into the air. It was so nice to be a welcomed guest in somebody’s home, he was glad to receive their hospitality…

Author's Note

Oof. How will Anon bounce back from getting shut down... THEN getting blue-balled by Pink?

Passing out in the family's master bedroom is probably not the best of ideas.

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