"Mister Lizard!"

Just ignore her.

"Mister Lizard, wait!"

Just keep walking. Just keep walking.

"Please Mister Lizard just-, just wait a minute!"

Eyes forward. One foot after the other. This is for the best. It is. It just is.

...Isn't it?

"MISTER LIZARD, STOP!"

...Goddamn it.

Pausing mid-step, Richard's massive body tensed as he slowly lowered his leg. A short huff was then audibly exhaled, though that could barely hold a candle to the exasperated heaving that the manclaw could hear behind himself.

"Huff huff huff...ju- huff, just...wait."

"..."

"Sigh...Mister lizard." He heard her start, her breathing steadying yet shaky. "Why?"

"..."

"Why did you just leave like that, Mister lizard?"

"..."

"W-Why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

"..."

"Why aren't you answering me?!"

"..."

"...D-...Do you...hate m-"

"Don't you fucking dare."

Blinking, the pegasus, teary eyed and surprised by the creature's sudden response, stared up at him with wide eyes as he finally turned his head, starring down at her with eyes ablaze with a mix of emotions.

"Wha-What?"

"I said." Richard said, narrowing his eyes as he fully turned to address her. "Don't. You. Fucking. Dare."

"B-But why did-"

"Fluttershy."

"Y-Yes?"

"Do you think I hate you?"

"...N-No?"

"Did I ever say I hated you?"

"N-No."

"Good. Cause I don't, nor will I ever hate you. Period. Got me?"

...Hesitantly nods.

"Good."

"So...th-then why-"

"Why'd I go?"

Another nod.

"You really wanna know?"

Yet another nod.

"...Sigh. It's because of you and friends."

"So it is because-!?"

"LET ME FINISH!"

"...Sorry."

"Huff. It's alright. Look Flutters, I...I just got a lot on my mind right now and just want to get back to the Everfree. Nap this shit off. I-...I just can't stay here right now."

"But Why?"

"Well..." Richard said, raising a brow as he casted an eye over their surroundings, or more so to the many multicolored ponies who were currently cowering behind said surroundings yet still peeking at him with fearful albeit curious looks. "I figured that part was obvious."

"...But they're not the real reason, are they?"

Glancing at the butter-colored girl, Richard knew then that just by her look alone that he wasn't going to get passed her lest he just come clean.

Better to just get it out of the way then, huh? Sigh. Fuck it.

"Yeah. They aren't. Cause the real reason's me."

"Y-You?" She asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah. Well...me AND these, I guess." Richard corrected, raising his claws. "Your friends were right, Flutters. I'm too dangerous. I'm a monster."

"No you ar-"

"Yes. Fluttershy, I AM a monster. Literally a giant, bone-crushing, meat-tearing monster." He chuckled dryly. "Can't really hide that little fact

"But you're not just a monster."

"FLUTTERSHY, I ALMOST KILLED YOUR FRIEND!"

"..."

"A-And the others, they-, the white one, she-...and I wasn't even THERE. I was...somewhere else." He growled. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that makes me to others?! T-To you?!"

"...Mister Lizard?"

"Like, like come on!" He roared, throwing his claws into the air. "What even is that shit?! I mean seriously, If I had to guess this is like...the THIRD time something like this has happened!"

"Mister Lizard."

"And, and, fuck. I-If I...blacked out again...a-and it was you?! ...I-I don't think that I could-."

"Mister Lizard!"

"WHAT?!" Richard breathed, his massive chest heaving as he stared the patient mare with wild eyes.

"May I need to remind you..?" She started, slowly advancing on the bewildered beast before her. "That you already came close to hurting me once before?"

"That's exactly my point, Fluttershy! I shouldn't-!"

"That you wanted to hurt Twilight and the others after what they did to you before?" She stated, one step after the other, towards the now slightly uneasy deathclaw.

"Well!" Richard started before reconsidering. "Well okay so maybe only Twilight and that crayola cunt but even then I was only-."

"That you threatened to hurt them again, Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack too, if they ever went back into the Everfree?" Fluttershy merely continued, continuing her approach towards the towering and now obviously cowering monster before her.

"W-Well..." Richard stuttered out, before a sharp brow raise from the pegasus shut him up near-instantly as he realized that he DID in fact say that, gestures and all.

"And after everything that happened that day..." Flutters said, stopping just a foot from the thoroughly shook beast. "After all that time I spent with you and Badass after that day," She further drove, her eyes never leaving Richard's, demanding that he keep her blazing gaze even if it seemed his slightly shuddering limbs and tucked-in tail suggested that he wanted to do anything but. "After what just happened, not even an hour ago, TODAY, did I EVER say that I hated you for it?"

"N-No, but-"

"For any of it?"

"...N-No?"

"Are you sure?"

"...No." Richard all but whispered, the cocktail of emotions that stirred within him having now been watered down to only a few, the lead of which being fear as he now stared up, yes up, at the butter-yellow pegasus who had backed his scared ass, of which mind you was nearly five times her size, into the side of a nearby building before being practically ordered to kiss the dirt seemingly by the mare's aura alone.

"Well, I didn't." She said matter of factly, eyes peering up, down, and through the quivering deathclaw before, at the drop of a hat, the aura vanished and Richard now found himself flinching before the might of the mare's gentle head pats. "So you don't have to worry about all that." She nodded at that, though to Richard's blinking, he was pretty sure it was more for her sake than his. "Okay?"

"...S-Sure."

With his unsure agreeance and another nod, the pegasus smiled and stepped back.

"Stand up." He quickly did. "You okay now?" He hissed quietly but nodded firmly nonetheless. Another smile.

"Wonderful. Now, let's get back to Twilight and the oth-"

"Fluttershy?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks." Richard stated, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "Really, I... I needed that."

"Of course. Now, why don't we just-"

"Buuuut I'm still not going back."

"Hmm?!" The pegasus went, her obviously expected happy little ending unexpectedly shattered. "B-B-B-B-But I thought-?"

"That it'd be that easy?"

"W-We-...Well, yes."

"Heh. Well, sorry to disappoint you Fluttershy." Richard said, approaching the mare before resting a patting claw on her pink little head. "But my point still stands. Gotta make myself scarce until all this bull blows over." He then suddenly growled lowly, his horned head dipping as his voice quieted. "Or until your friends decide to forgive me." He patted her head once more before his arm fell back, revealing a heavily pouting, and lightly blushing, Fluttershy. He noted this and chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, 'But it wasn't even my fault.' Right?"

"But it wasn't!" Flutters kinda shouted, her little hoof stomping in protest.

"Heheh. Sure, Flutters. You can keep on believing that, but until I start to, well..." He suddenly paused. Glancing up, he noticed the number of onlookers to their little chat had increased rather considerably, with many more fresh pairs of eyes steadily adding to the spectacle as more and more of the townsfolk came to see what all the fuss was about. Around street corners, through windows and doors, hell if Richard were to glance a little more upwards, he would've also noticed that a number of those spectators were also cautiously but curiously peeking down from their perches atop the tops of roofs and...clouds, apparently? Well, it was cute that they were at least trying to be sneaky about it, thinking that their ruffling feathers, not-so-subtle whispering, and literally driving their little clouds into place hadn't caught the beast's attention in the slightest. It did, by the way, if you were wondering. Like way early on.

But the ones on the ground? Sure, some of them hid but really the lot of them just wanted a look it seemed cause the lot of them at this point were just standing about at a safe (what THEY thought was safe at least) distance, swapping whispers with one another, keeping some the younger and more curious viewers at bay, all the while they continued to watch.

"Huh. You really are a nosy bunch, aren't you?" Richard said to nopony in particular, to which some of the onlookers did take a step or two back, but stayed their ground, despite their flinches when he'd glance their way. "Then again, can't really blame you folks for wanting to see the two of us argue like some old married couple, hmm?" Now, though nopony outright responded to that, save for a few audible gasps and some visible blushing, Richard still shrugged before giving his scaly hide a stretch, reaching his full height to the gasps of many a few, while also giving his high-ground-having gawkers a smirk, before looking back down to Fluttershy, who had this strange little expression on her face. "Ain't that right, Flutters?"

Having heard Richard's previous statement however, the mare blinked, looked back up at Richard, blinked again, then promptly blushed, HARD. She tried to say something, but all that came out was a bunch of incoherent sounds, squeaks, and maybe a mumbled word or two before she shut up altogether and began to bat furiously against Richard's legs. Though with thickness of his scales and her miniscule attempts of assaulting him being barely felt, the display was really more so cute to the deathclaw than problematic. And judging from some of the looks he was getting, many in the crowd also seemed to agree, aside from the few of course who thought Richard was going to swipe back at any given moment. Understandable. As if he ever would though.

"You done?" Richard finally asked after nearly a minute straight of attacking had reduced the pegasus to a tiredly huffing, and blushing, slump. Once she got her breath back, she nodded. "Heh. Well, sorry for the joke Flutters, but really I gotta be going now."

"...Please, please just stay."

Chuckling deeply, the beast used a claw to brush aside some of the mare's strands of blossom, revealing more those eyes that, while commanding one moment, appeared innocent and sorrowful. It fucking hurt to see her look at him like that. Still he smiled.

"Sorry Fluttershy, but I got to. Don't want to overstay my welcome and all that. Besides." He glanced about. "Pretty sure you and your friends are gonna have your ha-, hooves full once I go." He looked back down at her. "So the sooner I go the better."

"But I-" Fluttershy started before pausing as Richard suddenly turned and began to make his exit, the crowd quickly parting to allow him. "But I didn't even-!" He paused, head turned slightly to give her a raised brow. "I, I didn't get to tell you what happened though! W-When will I-?"

"A week." Richard said, smirking at her. "Give it a week or so, and we'll see." She blinked, beginning to say something before he cut her off with a raised claw. "By then your friends should be better too, right?" That got her. "After your friends are all fine and well and things have calmed down on both our ends, THEN you can come find me. Alright?"

After a moment of consideration, and some ill-contained disagreement with his terms, the pegasus finally nodded, earning a glad growl from the deathclaw before he turned and, without a look back, headed off in the direction of the Everfree.

Watching him go, Fluttershy huffed. She wanted to run after him, she really did. But what she just agreed to, she had to stay her ground. Even if she wanted to join the others who were brave enough to follow after the deathclaw, see him off as he left town, headed for the green fields, and watched as he disappeared back into the depths of the forest beyond. But still she stood, even sat, thinking about everything that had happened today, everything...

Drip

"W-Wha-"

Drop

Suddenly blinking away tears, it was at that moment that Fluttershy had regrettably realized that the emotional toll tied to the previous events of the day had finally caught up to her. And it was from this toll that the tears were left to fall freely, followed soon after by the sniffling and shallow, shaky breaths thereafter.

The girls. Mister Lizard. The facing of reality and realization of what could've happened rather than what did. It was all too much. Too much to bare for our poor little pegasus. Falling to the ground in a shaking heap, the mare closed her eyes, tucked in her hooves, and just began to cry. For how long, she didn't know. A minute? An hour? Like she cared.

Blep

"Sniff. H-Hmm?"

Slowly opening her reddened eyes, Fluttershy suddenly blinked, finding herself in familiar company as a certain little orange gecko was standing just inches from her muzzle.

"Ba-, Sniff, Badas? Wha-, What are you doing here?"

Squeak?

"Oh, Badas. I...all of it, it's all my fault."

Squeak?

"E-Everything! What happened to the girls, t-to Mister Lizard, it's all because of me, I just know it!" She sniffed. "All because I wanted to make things right." She shook her head, feeling a new wave of tears welling. "Now look what's happened. The girls are in the hospital, and Mister Lizard he, he...he says he doesn't, but what if he really..."

Squeak?

Sniff Nod

Sigh Squeak

"H-Huh?"

Squeak Squeak

"Y-You, but how do you-?"

Squeak

"'Because he's who he is?' But...but w-what does that mean-?"

Squeak

"Wha-, well you say that but-"

Squeak

"Bu-"

SQUEAK

"Oh...okay then." There was then a moment of silence between the two. "B-Badas?"

Squeak?

"Why are you and Mister Lizard such good friends?"

Squeak

"...Giggle. I see. So that's why." The pegasus said, before she slowly began to get up, wiping away tears and baring the cutest of smiles. "Because he is who he is."

Sagely nods

"Hmm." Looking off towards the Everfree, Fluttershy suddenly nodded to herself, negative emotions gone with the wind in favor of newer, warmer feelings. She turned to look back down at the little lizard, his tail wagging as he smiled. "Alright. I believe you…and him. A week it is. Sigh Now then..." She bent forward, giving the gecko a hopeful look. "Badas, can you do me favor? If you don't mind that is."

Squeak?

"Can you watch over him for me? Make sure he's really okay? Oh! And maybe, i-if your able to that is, you could visit me often and fill me in on how he's doing? I-If you want to that is."

Squeak!

"Ohhh, thank you so much Badas!" The mare said, nuzzling him gratefully. "I'll be counting on you."

Squeak!

And with that last squeak of affirmation, the little scaly orange turned and was out of sight in an instant, leaving Fluttershy to happily wave off his smoking trail bound for the Everfree.

“So then what happened?”

Squeak

"Uh-huh."

Squeak

"R-Really?"

Squeak Squeak!

"No fucking way."

Squeak!

Richard was shook. I mean, how could he not be?

Shortly after leaving Ponyville behind and maybe spending ten or so minutes collecting his thoughts as he traversed the Everfree, the deathclaw had found himself in pleasant company once again when his little buddy Badass had finally caught up with him. And after giving the little guy a rest on his head, five or so minutes worth as Richard pressed for home, a sudden, but not completely unexpected question was finally brought up.

"Hey, Badass?" Richard started, his voice level and eyes forward all the while.

Squeak?

"I-...could you..." Shit this was harder than he thought.

...S-Squeak? The gecko hesitantly finished, his body tensing as he practically felt the air itself shift. Took the words right out of Richard's maw.

"Would you, buddy?"

Remaining silent a moment, the little gecko had thought it over, spending maybe a solid five seconds before he shook his little head at his own unsureness and instead nodding in favor of favoring his friend's wishes before his own. Because that was the right motherfucking thing to do.

So, with a mind made up and another moment spent wrangling up all the little details that he could remember, he began to tell Richard everything.

And nothing was spared. He didn't lie, he didn't beat around the bush, he didn't sugarcoat shit. Badass told him everything that had happened after he...well…wasn't himself anymore.

He told him all about this other him. He went over what it said, what it was after, and most importantly, that all it’s thoughts seemed to be centered around Richard. Yeah, Richard was immensely weirded the fuck out after hearing all that. But luckily it was then that Badass followed up that bit of story with his recounting of him whooping its -and to an extent his- ass, a fact that the little lizard found just as much prideful as Richard simply found amusing.

But then there was what happened after all that, when the thing got struck by this beam of color by the girls, who Richard found to be becoming more fond of after hearing their previous battle with the monster; each of their own little ways of taking on the body snatcher raising Richard's spirit significantly.

…That is until the next part came. The part he and Badass were kinda secretly dreading.

Man, the next few minutes of Badass having to...go into detail about what this thing did, from its initial deception, to its dismissal and disposal of the girls, to the things it said while it used Richard's body to hurt Badass, the girls, …Fluttershy.

Well, let's just say that during that whole bit of recounting, Richard wasn't exactly a happy camper. He growled, he hissed, he may have even knocked down a tree or two during certain parts of the story while he was passing them by. Of course there was also a solid minute Richard spent apologizing to his little rider for crimes that said rider repeatedly assured he didn’t commit.

But…the things Richard heard Badass quote from that thing, what it said to Fluttershy, and to Little Miss Purple? Christ, Even Badass started sweating bullets after Richard suddenly stopped in a clearing, the same one he’d actually murdered all those manticores in not so long ago, plucked Badass’s cute little ass off his head, placed him gently on the grassy ground, stood up and silent a moment, and roared.

“FuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKK!” Richard thunderously swore, his ill-contained anger and unchecked irritation for whoever royally screwed him over let free like an avalanche, sending birds and animals alike scattering for miles.

“MottttthhherffFUCKER!” He ferociously roared, slamming his claws into the earth
with such unbridled ferocity that two equally massive craters dug into the earth, carving out dirt as several unsettlingly-sizable cracks spiderwebbed from the explosive epicenter that was Richard.

Fuming, borderline volcanic at this point, Richard stood a heaving mountain of pissed. His hisses like escaping steam while puffs of the stuff blew from his nostrils with gusto. A growl that could give a hydra chills only barely suppressed behind a maw of grinding teeth that sent sparks flying with each pass. Clenched claws that drew blood from the body and deep gashes in the ground. And of course a pair of eyes that, if a look could kill, would’ve probably been reported for hacking by now. But as they blazed across the clearing’s tree line, they suddenly became fixed upon a single boulder roughly Richard’s height and just as wide as he was tall, sitting all by its lonesome just meters from him. To put it simply, his means to vent.

Without a word, really a string of grunts and growls, Richard reached the rock and, with no difficulty at all, lifted it, spun, and promptly yeeted the motherfucker at mach fuck all right into the sky, huffing and puffing as he watched it disappear into space, cartoon sky twinkle and all.

Give or take a moment or two of cooling off his jets later and Richard had finally calmed down enough to realize what he just did and just who he did it in company of and, somewhat hesitantly, peeked over his massive shoulder to see Badass, still present thankfully, but definitely shooketh to a considerable extent. Cue the cringe.

“S-Sorry about that Badass. I just…had to blow off some steam was all.” He noted his buddy’s silence. “Did that…scare you a bit?” He nodded, forced himself a bit there but Richard could reason why.

In fact, he even chuckled.

“Heh. Great.” Richard said, minor sarcasm detectable as he turned away from the little gecko. “And here I thought you were the crazy one for not being scared of me, buddy.” He scratched at his head. “Course it’s when I’m not trying that you get shook. Huh. Just…great.”

At that, there was a moment of silence before Richard heard and soon felt the little guy scramble up his body and sit once again atop his head. Glancing up, he could see Badass was giving him a look as well. Not a fearful one, no, really only just worried. Damn it.

“Huff. What a mess I’ve become, eh Badass?” Richard tiredly asked, to which the gecko, unsure himself really, could only squeak squeaks of reassurance and refutability, even if Richard could tell they were halfhearted. Still, lord bless this little bastard’s soul.

“Right. Everything happens for a reason, huh?” Richard tiredly said. A sad nod in return. “No reason really to bitch and moan now that what’s done is done, huh?” A hopeful nod. “Figure we should just get back to the castle and hopefully sleep all this sad shit off?” A very hopeful nod. “Awesome.”

And with that, they were finally off. Well Richard was, Badass was just along for the ride, as he always was, the cheeky bastard.

Course it would be a slow one mind you, heavy shit weighing heavily upon the tired mind and all. But, thankfully, it wouldn’t be so bad. Gotta unload that shit somehow, right? Who says you gotta start with the bad first?

“Heh. So you really can kick ass, huh?”

Squeak squeak

“Shiiit, only because it wasn’t MY ass you were kicking then.”

Squeak!

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

Squeak squeak!

“Sure Bad, whatever you say.”

Squeak!

“Anytime. Anyplace. We’ll see who’s little ass gets kicked then.”

Squeak!

“Hah! It’s a fucking deal, then.”

“What?!”

“You heard me, mister.” Twilight said.

Oh Spike heard her alright, but still-

“A-A month?!” He whined. “But, but that’s not-!”

“Fair?” Twilight finished for the bewildered young drake, raising a brow at his nodding to this obvious outrage. “Oh I think it’s fair alright.”

“B-, B-But why?!”

“Why?” The unicorn repeated, much to the dragon’s immediate regret. “Why?!” She paced, dammit there she goes with the pacing again. “Not only did you go into the Everfree Forest, A place I’ve ALWAYS told you time and time again is dangerous for a baby dragon. But you did so, not only knowing that I told you specifically not to, but that there was also a new and highly dangerous creature residing in said forest. And yet!” She stopped, turning sharply to face him. “You still went in there and, WHAT, happened?!”

“I…” Spike gulped, back against the metaphorical and now literal wall as he vainly grasped for an exc-, a reason that would bail him out. But upon finding none, he simply sighed. “I got chased by a pack of timberwolves.”

“Annnnnd?”

“Sigh. And almost got eaten.” Twilight nodded.

“Exactly. And that is exactly the reason why I’m grounding you for a month.”

“But Twilight!” Spike yelled, to which the mare rose a brow. “Y-You and the girls went in there and-, and look what happened to you! To them! Rainbow Dash, Applejack…Rarity! Pinkie Pie!?” He was fuming now. “And that big guy. H-He goes and hurts all of you and…and…and you and the girls are just fine with that?!”

“Spike.”

“Why aren’t you mad at him, huh?! Why am I the one who’s getting punished here, while HE’s the one walking free?!”

“Because it wasn’t HIM doing all that in the first place.”

“And you believed that?!”

“Spike!”

“…”

“Sigh. Look, Spike, I understand that you’re angry.”

“Uhh yeah, no kidding.”

“And, I understand that you don’t have all the details right now and that its only obvious for you to assume that Mister Lizard-“

“That can’t be his name.”

“THAT MISTER LIZARD.” She reiterated, slightly irritated. “Is…at fault here.” She then sighed. “And I thought so too.” But then she looked back up at Spike. “But now I’ve come to realize, that if there’s anypony to blame for what happened today, it would be me.”

“Wha-…why?”

“Because. Like you, right now, I was quick to judge. I didn’t have all the facts. And…because of that…” She paused, blushing as the memory returned and hanging her head as the results of that day brought them to the now. “Not only did I almost lose one friend, but I almost lost all of them too.”

“Twilight.”

She shook her head.

“But what’s done is done. The past is the past and right now you need to accept the consequences of your actions as much as I must.” She then suddenly turned and headed for the front door, just as Spike was revving up for another bite of back talk. “Now. I need to go back to the hospital and check on the girls. Then I need to go to Sugarcube Corner and tell the Cakes about Pinkie…then to Sweet Apple Acres…Then Rarity’s sister-“

“But Twilight!”

“Spike.” She said, opening the door as she walked out. “Look we’ll talk about all this later, okay?” He crossed his little arms “So…clean up the library while I’m gone. Please.” She then paused again just as she was closing the door. Turning around completely, she pointed at him. “And don’t even THINK about going back into the Everfree talk to, or ask, or anything with Mister Lizard!”

“Why would I-?!”

“Just!” She squinted. “Don’t! Please. Or I SWEAR, by Celestia’s sun, you will never even remember the taste of ice cream again!” And with that, she only lightly slammed the door, leaving one very pissed off purple dragon to himself.

Spouting smoke from his nose, the little drake steamed. He growled, he tapped his foot, he may have even thrown a book at one of the shelves in a fit before immediately rushing over to check if it was okay. But he was still pissed. And he had good reason to be too.

Like…like come on! All of this. Not like any of it was his fault, right? If anything, he wanted to help Twilight and the girls! Maybe if he was there with them in the first place, none of this would’ve happened. Maybe then, Rarity…

No. No, if anyone should be responsible for what happened, then it was certainly, most definitely, without a doubt…

“W-What kinda name is Mister Lizard anyway?!”

Huffing, the little dragon glanced over at the door, mental gears turning. Dangerously so.

‘Twilight’s right.’ Spike thought, before he suddenly began walking towards the door. ‘I don’t have all the facts.’ He then stopped, standing just feet away from the door. ‘But I bet he will.’ And without another thought, the little drake opened the door and stepped out, aiming for the Everfree Forest with a simple objective in mind…to get some motherbucking answers.

And besides…Twilight specifically said not to ask Mister lizard for anything.

“Who says I’d be asking.”

Pushing passed the brush and entering the open once again, Richard was once again graced with the familiar view of the ruin castle. A poor sight but a welcomed one nonetheless. And with the promise of a well-needed retreat to a pile of comfy old mattresses all but certified, Richard should’ve been all for getting in there post haste.

And yet, yet he remained standing where he emerged from the dark depths of the forest. The memory of his first day in this new world, traversing the Everfree and discovering his new crumbling abode had halted his advance only momentarily as he thought back to that day, how long ago it seemed yet felt as if were only yesterday. Wild.

“I never did tell you how I got here, did I Badass?

Squeak? The little gecko went, looking from Richard to the castle then back down to him.

“No, not just the castle. I mean this…forest.”

Squeak?

“Well funny enough, it was actually after I woke up from…a nap actually.”

Squeak?

“Heh. Okay yeah, sure, maybe to you that doesn’t sound all that incredible, but for me…sigh…well let’s just say it was a real good nap. A long one, but it still had its moments.”

Squeak

“Really? You think you have better naps than me?”

Squeak!

“Heh. Sure buddy.” Richard chuckled as he continued on towards home. “Keep dreaming.”

Good spirits and jokes aside, it was sad to know that they would not last for long as Richard again began to slow his pace, causing the previously pouting gecko above him to tilt his head as Richard began to lower his.

Squeak?

“It’s nothing Badass. It’s just…” Richard sighed, a light thump resonating behind the two as his tail fell limply to the ground. “What the hell am I going to do now?”

Squeak?

“Well obviously yeah, I’m going the fuck to sleep.” He said, jostling the little smartass on his snout with a head bob. “I mean after that, Bad. I told Fluttershy A week, but what the hell am I going to do during that week?”

…Squeak?

“And besides sleep?”

Squeak…squeak?

“A hobby, huh?” Richard repeated, squinting as he actually gave the idea some thought. And honestly? “Huh. You know what, Bad? That actually doesn’t sound half bad.” He glanced back up at the gecko. “Any ideas on what I should try?”

Squeak…squeak squeak? The gecko cheekily went, earning another jostling from the deathclaw.

“Sleeping isn’t a hobby, Badass, it’s a way of life.” Richard shortly said. “And right now, I’m looking for another way to live my life besides just sleeping.”

…Squeak

“Sigh. It’s not your fault.” Richard said, raising a claw to give his buddy a scritch. “Thanks for the hobby idea, though. I’ll just have to sleep on it is all.”

And with that, the deathclaw quietly resumed his walk, passing the castle’s tall wooden doors that he left in the grass-

“Gonna have to see if those can be fixed later.”

Before he came to a stop just before the base of the castle entrance’s stone steps. There he raised a hand by which Badass took down to the grassy ground floor before hopping off and, with a gesture from Richard, dashed up the stairs and off to the throne room where napping was to be had.

Watching him go, the manclaw chuckled before his positivity was once again overshadowed by the bad and sad shit of the day, coming back yet again to remind him and retest his fucking nerves. And from that, a growl soon began to rise from Richard’s throat before, with a huff and clenched claws, it was suddenly gone as quick as it came, coming out only as a pissed half-hiss tired half-sigh instead.

“What’s happened to you Richard?”

“Funny. I was just about to ask the same thing.” Another voice suddenly said, to which the deathclaw, blinking, turned to, and in turning to found a suited old man standing beside him. “Last time I checked.” The well-dressed man continued, pulling out a pack of cigs before opening it and, after nabbing one with his mouth, replaced the pack and pulled out a golden zippo. “I didn’t raise a little bitch.”

Raising a brow, the deathclaw watched as the man flipped open the ornate lighter and, bringing it close, attempted to light his cigarette.

“Wha-…Pops…I’m like three times your height and hundred times your weight though.”

“True.” The elderly man said, cursing under his breath as his lighter continued to cough up only sparks. “But that doesn’t mean I still can’t drop your sorry ass.”

Chuckling softly at that, the deathclaw watched the old human continue to thumb at his uncooperative fire-starter a few more times before he suddenly, gently plucked the tiny device from the man’s hand and, with massive claws that could easily tear the feeble man to bits, effortlessly flick the lighter to life.

“Here.” Richard said with a smirk, holding the lighter close to the man who begrudgingly but thankfully brought his cig close and after taking short drag, pulled it away, blowing a cloud as the deathclaw closed the lighter with a click and handing it back to the man who pocketed it with a nod. “Always gotta help you with that, don’t I?” The man simply huffed.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck off.”

“…There a reason you’re visiting me, old man?”

“Hmph.” The man went, taking another drag before he finally looked up and met the deathclaw’s eye with his own. “The nerve of you.” His eyes narrowed. “Here I am, the man who brought you into that world, taught you everything I knew about business, came back from the fucking grave to see you and this is how you repay me?” He took another drag. “Kids these days. No damn respect.”

The deathclaw simply chuckled.

“Apologies, sir. If you have a complaint, you’ll have to bring it up with my father.” He said, to which the old man genuinely chortled at. “But really, Dad.” Richard said, smiling warmly down at the old businessman. “It’s great to see you again.”

“Heh. Right back at you son.”

“…How’s mom?”

At that the man huffed, taking a longer drag.

“That damn woman.” He grumbled, tapping his foot. “Till death do us part, my incorporeal keister. There hasn’t been a single day up there that she hasn’t been a pain in my ethereal ass.” He spat. “I mean really! A whole goddamn eternity together and she STILL finds ways to hound me! Can you believe that?!”

“…But?”

“…Sigh. But…I still love her, god I do. But by God does that woman-.”

“Dad, you’re rambling again.”

“Right, right, sorry.” The man said, waving his hand. “…She says hi by the way.”

Hearing that, the deathclaw smiled, his tail producing a light wag.

“Glad to hear that, Dad.” He said, the man nodding as he took another drag from his cigarette. “So why the visit?”

“Ain’t it obvious?” The man puffed, to which the deathclaw raised a brow of his own.

“Not…really, no.”

“Sigh. Do I really need to spell it out for you?” At the deathclaw’s continuing silence, the man sighed once more. “Jesus Christ Rich, I swear you’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?”

“But Dad, you’re already de-“

“It’s because you’re being a whinny fuck, okay?”

“…Really.”

“Yup.”

“…Really?”

“I wouldn’t be ghosting here if I was lying, now would I?”

“But…how?”

“Christ kid, how the fuck should I know?” The man breathed, raising his arms. “One minute I’m playing poker with the Kennedys and the next I get a call that my son turned into a giant fucking iguana and is crying his eyes out in fairytale-book land.” He crossed his arms. “So here I am.”

“…That’s why you’re here?

He nodded.

“Seriously?”

“Papa didn’t raise no bitch.” He simply repeated, before adding with another puff of smoke. “Plus, your mother was worried.”

“Heh. Figured as much.” Richard said, smiling before he sighed. “Honestly pops? I fucked up. Bad.”

“So what?” The man huffed, raising a brow. “Not like you haven’t before.”

“I-…I know that, dad.” The deathclaw grunted, blushing slightly. “B-But this time I’m being serious. I…sigh. I almost killed people. Good people.”

“Oh yeah?” The man asked, leaving the massive lizard to feebly nod, his tail instinctively tucking inwards. “Is that all?”

Blinking, Richard stare back at the old man standing before him, staring up at him with that look that He always knew him for.

“D-Dad.”

“You heard me, you mutant little shit.” The man continued, arms crossed and brows furrowed. “Or did whoever give you that body of yours forget to spare a single point for intelligence?”

“Dad, I’m not messing around!” Richard said, agitation rising at his father’s indifference. “These were good people and I-!”

“Yeah, yeah, you almost killed them, I heard that already, your record get scratched or something?”

“DAD!”

“Richard!”

“…”

“Sit your ass down.” He sat. “Sit the fuck up.” He sat up straight. “And shut the fuck up.” He did. “Now. You said you almost killed some folks. Right?” He nodded. “Did you actually kill anybody?” He shook his head. “So you didn’t kill anybody then.”

“But I-“

“What the fuck did I say?!”

“…Shutting the fuck up.”

“Good. Now, again. Did you. Almost kill. Anybody?”

…nod-

“Let me repeat myself.” The man said, cutting Richard short. “Did YOU. Y-O-U, YOU. Did YOU almost kill anybody?”

…He slowly, hesitantly, shook his head. And at that, the old man finally cracked a smile as he clapped his hands.

“Well there you go then, kid!”

“B-But da-“ The man rose a brow, shutting his son up instantly.

“But wha-a-t?” He chuckled, smoke puffing with each breath. “Still hung up on the fact that somebody took your scaly ass for a joyride and you didn’t even get their name?”

“It’s not that, it’s just-!“ Richard suddenly froze. “Wait.” He pointed at his father. “You…you knew about that?” At that, the man simply nodded. “How?”

“Oh Please, Richard. You don’t get to where I was without knowing when someone spikes your wine or pisses in your oatmeal.”

“But didn’t you die after your sushi chef-?”

“Kid I swear to God, bring that shit up again and I will ghost-slap the everliving shit out of you.”

“Yes sir.”

“…Good.” He puffed. “Now look here, kid.” He said, gesturing Richard forward, which he did by lowering his snout down to the man’s level.
He then pointed. “You aren’t a bad kid. Sure you were a pain in the ass sometimes, but you knew better. And you still do now.” He rose a brow. “Right?”

“R-Right.”

“Good.” The man said, nodding before he glanced at his watch and suddenly swore. “Ah shit. I gotta go, kid.”

“What? B-But Dad-“

“Sorry son.” He said, passing the deathclaw by as he began walking off towards the woods. “But if I stay any longer, your mom’s gonna be banging on those pearly gates for an express ticket down here and that is the LAST thing I want happening.”

“R-Right.” Richard said, smiling at that the thought before he sighed and hung his head.
“You take care dad.”

“Oh enough of that mopey shit.” The old man suddenly said, causing Richard to look back up at him standing some feet away, lit cigarette in one hand and the other pointing at him. “You’re a grown-ass man lizard. Act like it!” He took another drag. “Or so help me, I really will send your mother down here!”

Hearing that, Richard immediately shut his face.

“Y-Yes sir!”

“Hmph.” He simply said, turning his back to Richard. “Chin up kid, even I’m not that cruel.” He was silent a moment before he sighed. “Don’t worry, I’ll come visit you again, hopefully AFTER you decided grown a pair.”

“…Heh…sure Dad, it’s a deal.”

Hearing that, the man remained silent a moment before he brought his cig up for one last drag, puffed it, then literally flicked it out of existence to Richard’s surprise. Digging his hands into his pockets, he then sighed.

“Look Richard. What some advice?” The deathclaw nodded. “Fuck all that dumb shit. Everyone gets fucked over at some point in their life. It just happens. Life always finds a way to fuck you over and that’s a scientific fact!

“…Wha-“

“But that doesn’t mean you just take it sitting down! Sure, it’ll suck when it happens to you, but you know what? That’s life! No successful man has ever gotten far in life by being its bitch. You got problems, got something holding you back from getting shit done? You take whatever that is, and whatever else life decides to throw at you and you fuck it. Hard. And if life decides to fuck you over again? You know what you do?”

“…You fuck-“

“You fuck it right back! Exactly! That’s my boy!”
He stood silent and stoic a moment before he sighed. “Heed these words, kid. ‘Life will never just throw you a bone. Because if it ever does? You best believe the fuckening will follow.’” He glanced back at Richard, stunned as he should’ve been. “Got me?” He nodded, he just had to. “Good.” And with that, he began to leave. “Now go on inside and get some rest kid. Last thing you need now is a cold.” Huh?

“Huh? Wait, Dad, what-“

Drip

Blinking, the manclaw slowly lifted his head up to the quickly darkening sky above just as another drop of water broke against his snout. And upon lowering his head, he found his father had vanished.

“…See you later then, Dad.”

Drop

And with that, one by one, droplets of rain soon began to pop and patter against Richard’s head in tandem, a leaky faucets worth that only quickly devolved to a shower as the clouds tore and poured forth over Richard’s poor and sorry hide. Ah yes, the fuckening.

Being honest? Richard probably should’ve seen this coming.

…Heh. Life finds a way, huh?

“Hmm. It sure does.” Richard said as he stood there in the open, staring up into that clouded sky, lost in thought, before suddenly smiling “Thanks Dad.”

And with that, Richard turned, headed up the wet stone steps, and finally entered the castle proper, his swaying tail being the last bit of himself to bid the world one last goodbye and goodnight before it too passed under the threshold and disappeared from view.

…However, the same could not be said for his other tail, who after watching him disappear into the depths of the castle, finally emerged from the edge of the tree line with claws tightly clenched and slick purple scales briefly shining in the lightning’s light.

Author's Note

Ghost dad knows best I guess?

Sorry about suddenly dropping that on you guys by the way. Just figured who’d know better on how to get a guy back into the fight than his old man spitting facts from the grave?