The Not So Deadly Deathclaw

Darkness. That was all Richard saw. Just...darkness.

No matter what direction he turned, up, down, or even around, that was all he saw. Or well, didn't see, in this case.

Course, that wasn't to say that he didn't only see just nothing around him, as upon looking down he did in fact see something. Himself actually, his human self.

"Well, guess this is happening again." Richard sighed, as he looked over his well-dressed form, noting the familiarity of once again wearing clothes, and expensive ones at that. In fact, besides the jet black tailored suit and fitted suit pants, crimson pressed tie, and polished dress shoes that still somehow shined despite a obvious absence of light, it was only reasonable to assume that all of this was leading to the setup of another dream.

And if that realization were a cue of some sorts, it was only until after that that Richard felt the familiar grip of something on his wrist, and upon pulling back his cuff, revealed to him a glimmering golden cased apple watch that, after being tapped once out of curiosity, revealed to him the current date and time displayed upon its small glowing screen. He raised a brow.

"Five forty-five, June sixth, twenty twenty-four?" He blinked. "Why does that seem familiar?"

"Sir? Hellooo?"

Looking up, Richard all but jumped out of his old skin at the sudden sight of a young goth girl looking back at him expectantly.

"Wh-?" Richard failed to say while the girl simply raised a pierced brow.

"There a reason you came in here today, or..?"

"Here?" Richard slowly repeated, before suddenly noticing that he now found himself standing in a large store. A PetSmart of all places.

"Yeah, here." The girl said, folding her arms under her chest. "So what can I do for you?"

"Uhm..." Richard said, before glancing at all the glass boxes off to the side housing various creatures and critters of similar and differing sizes alike. "I…guess I was looking into buying a pet."

The girl chuckled.

"Really, now? So…as a gift? For your kid?"

Richard shook his head.

"For myself...actually."

She nodded.

"Uh-huh. Well, what kinda pet do you want?"

"Well...I'm looking for something small, low-maintenance. Something that's also relatively quiet and safe to keep in an apartment would also be a plus." He then raised a brow. "Got anything here like that?"

Tilting her head at his list, she thought a moment before looking up at him.

"Well...If it's small, quiet, and doesn't take much to care for, maybe a fish?" She asked, to which he shook his head.

"Not a fan of owning fish."

"Then...how about a hamster?"

"Don't they make a ton of noise, though?"

"Then what about a tarantula? We got a couple in the back."

"Yeah, no."

"Ugh! Then what the hell do you want, a reptile or something?"

"No, not a-" He stopped. "Wait. Reptile?"

"Yes. A reptile. Holy shit!"

"Actually, can you show me some?" Richard asked, his genuine curiousness met with exasperated relief.

"Finally! Follow me, sir."

And so Richard did, keeping up a brisk pace behind the girl as she lead him passed fish tanks, weaved around bird cages, and through aisles of pet foods, toys, and other items before finally turning a corner and coming to a stop at the farthest corner of the store.

"Here we are."

Looking up, Richard blinked as he took in the sizeable assortment of reptiles presented to him. However, as he walked passed each of the small glass windows, taking in the details of each of the occupants within, he felt as though he were the one being judged instead of the other way around.

Lizards, snakes, and turtles of various colors, patterns and other noticeably unique traits either hissed, snapped, or blinked back at him as he walked along, giving each a look-in before continuing forward. And as Richard moved further down the aisle, he began to notice the creatures on display becoming more and more eye-catching. How so? Well there was one turtle with six legs. Then there was a snake whos scales seemed to practically shimmer in the light, making its body almost transparent save for its glowing yellow eyes. And lets not forget the little green geckos that were apparently able to divide themselves mitosis style, which was by far the most mind boggling thing Richard had the liberty to witness, especially when he'd stopped to see one just sitting there before its entire body suddenly split in two right down the middle, creating an almost perfect double before going about its business like nothing happened. Fucking wicked.

"You know, we're having a sale on those little guys. Get a dozen for the price of one."

Richard just stood there, completely at a loss as to what he had just seen before looking back at all the other crazy ass reptiles he'd passed by.

"Just...just where the hell did you guys find these things?"

"Australia." She casually replied.

"..."

"Well most of them anyway, the rest were brought in from out of state."

"Why am I not surprised."

"Heh. You're telling me." She then sighed before giving him that expectant look again. "Now. You going to pick one or...?"

Looking at the girl, whom he just now noticed had on a name tag with the word 'Savantha' written on it, then at the wall of reptiles, he was quiet a moment before finally responding.

“Could you…give me a minute or two to decide? I think there's also a few more cases I haven't seen yet."

Rolling her shadowed eyes at him, Savantha noticed a another customer walk passed before looking back at him.

"Alright. I'll go help someone else I guess. Please, take your time to decide on which one you want."

And with that, the girl left, leaving Richard to shake his head at her sarcastic remark before returning his attention to the reptiles beside him.

Approaching one of the cases, the one which housed the almost-invisible snake, Richard took the time to study it, as it was most definitely the most kickass of the lot, at least to him that is. And as he took interest in it, so did the snake take an interest in him as it slithered up to the glass, apparently putting its scales on full display. And what a sight they were. It seemed, at least to Richard's eyes, that the cause of the snake's active camouflage lay in it scales, and as he watched them, Richard could see that that they almost seemed to move on their own, shifting this way and that in order to hit the light just right enough to produce an almost mirror-like effect. A deadly trick for sure, but a neat one all the same.

"Aren't you a special one, eh?" He asked, to which the snake simply hissed at him in return. Maybe it agreed?

Taking a step back, Richard glanced at the side of the glass and whistled at the price tape.

"Damn. Ten grand? Ain't you a spoiled little sucker, huh?"

The snake, surprisingly enough, smirked at him. Or, at least it looked like it did, the cheeky bastard. He definitely knew exactly how much he was worth, for sure.

Tapping a foot, Richard considered the price, pondering the pros and cons of owning a see-through snake before ultimately sighing at the reality that this may not be one investment he was willing to go all in on.

"Maybe I should just give the fish a chance?" Richard said to himself before blinking at something out of the corner of his eye.

Turning his head, Richard raised a brow at the sight of a glass case on the very end of the wall, who's light seemed to flicker rather ominously, as if it were almost beckoning him towards it. And damn it if it wasn't so convincing.

Strolling up to it, Richard gave the box a once over, noting the first two things that came immediately to mind. The first was the the state of the box itself, for with each flicker of the bulb above, Richard could see numerous claw marks decorating just about every inch of the box's interior. Even the glass itself sported a fair deal of damage as several large cracks ran along its surface like bolts of lighting. But with the appearance of the box being one of considerable disarray, that could've been easily overlooked by the second thing which Richard noticed, and that being an obvious absence of whatever had caused all that damage.

Looking over just about every inch of the box, Richard wondered whether or not the box actually was occupied until the light flickered off, leaving Richard to get closer to the glass and squint. And at that moment when his eyes were just inches from the window, Richard could've sworn he had seen something shift in the darkness.

And that's when the light decided to suddenly flicker back on.

HISS

"Oh shit!" He yelled, backpedaling a few steps before tripping and falling on the tiled floor with a thud. Sparing not a moment to rub his bruised ass, the man didn’t skip a beat as he slid back across the rest of the floor until his back met shelf. And even when cans of animal food and toys clattered or squeaked around him, the man couldn’t care less as he tried to quell his racing heart, wide eyes locked on the thing the whole time. “H-Holy shit.”

HISS went the scaly jump-scaring little shit before it backed away from the glass, leaving the man to collect himself before slowly picking himself back up, patting himself on the ass a few times, then slowly, hesitantly approaching the box once again.

The thing inside, for its part, didn’t back away or even flinch when Richard got closer, and only stared up at him with those unblinking, searing red eyes of its.

“Damn.” The man finally breathed, his heart now returning to its normal pace. “You really gave me a hell of a scare there, little guy.” He actually chuckled, much to the very slight twitch of the lizard’s form. “Bet you’re real proud of yourself for that one, huh?”

When the lizard didn’t respond, or even move for that matter, Richard squinted. Silent treatment huh?

“You want out this place, buddy?” At the mention of freedom, the lizard seemed to stiffen, it’s eyes growing that more fiercer. “Word of advice. Keep that shit up and you can forget about ever getting outta here.“
Responding with a hiss, the lizard suddenly paused halfway through as it pondered the human’s words. And, after a few tense moments of apparent reptilian brainstorming, the little lizard…actually nodded. Huh.

“Well now.”

“Woah.”

Blinking, the businessman turned and was surprised to see the goth girl from earlier standing beside him, her previously uncaring features now replaced by genuine disbelief.

“What?” the man asked, to which the girl could only turn to him, gesturing between him and the box with a finger.

“You…It…that thing actually listened to you.”

“Well…it was pretty basic advice. I’m sure that-“

“N-No, you don’t get it.” She suddenly, said placing a hand on his shoulder. “That lizard…it’s not normal.”

“Yeah? So wasn’t that snake and those other things you showed me earlier. What’s so different about this one?”

“Dude. You’re not getting it.” The girl said, suddenly getting uncomfortably closer to Richard as she leaned in to whisper. “That thing isn’t what you think it is.”

“A black lizard?”

“…A demon.”

What.

“Excuse me?” Richard said, brows furrowed. The girl huffed.

“You heard me.” She said, crossing her arms. The man just nodded slowly.

“Yeah. Yeah I did. But can you just repeat that one more time?”

“I said it’s a demon, alright! What more do you want from me?!” The girl suddenly, unnecessarily yelled. “Demon! Hellspawn! Devil incarnate! The damn devil itself in disguise! Any of that getting through to you?!”

…Okay…wow.

“Uh-huh.” Richard nodded, glancing at the ‘demon’ in question who at that moment was staring pure death at the girl, but upon seeing that Richard was seeing it stare absolute death at the girl, it suddenly froze, lowered its head, and did this cute little bit where it turned around, laid down and slowly curled into a little ball by biting its own tail, quiet little whimpering noises included.

“Well. I don’t know about you.” Richard said, glancing at the girl as he slowly crossed his arms. “But I think someone outta apologize right now.”

“The fuck what?!” The girl said, turning on the man. “You can NOT be ser-“

“Oh yes the fuck I can and I am, miss…” he quickly glanced down at her tag before meeting her eyes once more. “Savantha.” The girl scoffed.

“Hah. If you think for a second I’m going to apologize to that-“

“Oh no. I wasn’t talking about the lizard.” Richard said, to which the girl blinked.

“You…Weren’t?” He nodded. “Then who did-“

“Me.”

“…Wha-“

“I want you…to apologize…to me.”

“Wha-, why?”

“For insulting my pet.”

…

…

…What.

“E-Excuse me?!” The girl yelled with shock. The lizard, still in ball form, simply glanced over its spiked little shoulder. That was…unexpected.

“You heard me.”

“Oh I most certainly did, but you don’t understand-“

“I’m waiting.”

“Buddy this thing, you don’t know what it’s done, how many times it’s been re-“

“Still waiting.”

“I am trying to save your life, pal! You’re not-“

“I’m sorry Miss Savantha, but are you going to do the adult thing and just apologize or am I going to have to have a little chat with your boss?”

“But…But I-“

“Well?”

“…Dude.”

“Wanna apologize to my lizard inste-?”

“I’m sorry.” Bingo.

“Hmm. See? Now was that so hard?” The suited man said, smirking at the exasperated girl. She simply sighed.

“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, pal.”

“Eh. Maybe you’re right, miss.” Richard said as he walked over to the box, where by this point the lizard was now standing a foot from the glass. Crouching down, he narrowed his eyes once more at the little lizard who now stared at him with…was that interest? He chuckled. “But it wouldn’t be an investment otherwise, now would it?”

“…Sigh. Fuck it. Your funeral.”

Several minutes later, whereafter buying the lizard, trying to put it in a small plastic carrier only to have it reduce said carrier to plastic pulp and ending up hand-carrying the little thing, all the while the girl continued to vainly help the suited man see reason, Richard now found himself sitting quietly and cushy in his car, still parked in the Pet Smart parking lot.

Why, You may wonder?

Well, try asking the coal-colored lizard staring up at him expectantly from his open palm.

“…”

…

I wasn’t asking.

“So…” Richard started, the lizard tilting its head slightly. “Now that you’re uh…out, of there…I guess that makes you my pet now, right?”

The lizard’s features seemed to twitch at that, but the man barely noticed.

“So…since you’re my pet now…” Richard went, glancing out the window. “I guess you’ll need a name too, huh?” Glancing back, Richard couldn’t help but crack a smile when he noticed the little guy’s tail definitely twitch at the mention of a name. Got its interest now.

“Alrighty then.” The man started, raising his lizard-filled hand up to his dashboard and nodding slightly when its passenger silently disembarked. “Now, I didn’t necessarily have a name ready when I went in so…” He paused, noting the reptile’s immediate and apparent dissatisfaction. He quickly raised his arms. “Hey, I honestly didn’t even know if I was getting a pet today in the first place, much less which one, cut me some slack, yeah?”

At that, the lizard’s features did seem to relax, if only barely, but that just made it look that more expectant.

“Thanks. Now, let’s see.” Richard said, narrowing his eyes in thought at the lizard who in turn simply stared right back.

…

…

…

Okay yeah, this was going fucking nowhere fast and both the man and lizard knew it. Sighing, Richard leaned back in his chair, a hand to his chin and eyes closed as he hummed some more.

“Hmm…now what was that lady spazzing about earlier?”

‘Demon…hellspawn…devil incarnate…devil…de-‘

“Hey now.” Richard suddenly said, eyes shooting open as the idea suddenly struck. Glancing down at the lizard, who only tilted its head back at up him, he smirked.

"You know what? I don’t think I said it earlier, but damn you're one hell of a cool-looking lizard, you know that?"

Hiss went the lizard, curious as it probably wondered where this sudden compliment was going.

"You don't say?” The man continued, feigning understanding. “Heh. Well since I own you now, I guess a proper name’s in order, huh?"

Hiss the lizard replied, it’s dwindling patience and rising curiosity clashing as it insisted a reason for the human tempting it with-

"Hmm...well in that case, how about...Diablo.”

Now at that, the lizard actually paused, the name seemingly stopping it in its little lizard tracks as it stared up at the beaming human with a look that boasted utter befuddlement and demanded explanation despite the silence that hung for several moments between the two.

“What do you think?” The man said, raising a smirking brow. “Figured if you could raise enough hell in the past to have a goth swear the devil outta you, you’d appreciate keeping the name, least the cooler-sounding version of it.“

The lizard, for its part, continued to stare silently at the man a moment more before it suddenly looked down, seemingly in thought. What did it actually think of the name? Well, it wasn’t anything negative apparently because the next thing Richard knew, the little thing was happily doing several little hops and spins atop his dash before it caught itself mid-hop, remade itself proper, and gave a single, approving nod. The suited man in return simply smiled, himself nodding once before giving his newly named pet a scritch under the chin.

“Heh. Glad you like it, buddy. Now how’s about we head back to my place and celebrate, eh?”

Gratefully receiving the scritch, and offering the man a tail wag for his troubles, the newly
named Diablo looked up at the man with those burning crimson eyes of its and, without a second thought, happily-

Squeak!

Huh?

“Diablo? D-Did you just-”

Squeak!

Blinking slowly, the man, now realizing his pet wasn’t the one in fact doing the squeaking, and the lizard, now realizing they weren’t the only two in the car, both slowly turned to stare down at the suddenly very present, orange-scaled, charmander-looking gecko sitting cozy in the center of the passenger seat beside the perplexed pair.

“…Who are-“

“And what are you doing here?”

Wut.

“D-Diabl-?“

“Sup cunt. Time to wake the fuck up.”

…What the fu-

Squeak! Squeak!

“Ugh…D-Diablo?”

Squeak

Slowly and drearily blinking himself awake, Richard’s vision, fogged to fuck as it previously was, quickly cleared to reveal not his beloved companion of the past, but his present pilot light of a pal bouncing about before his sleepy sight.

“B-Badass?”

Squeak

“Oh, hey.”

Squeak?

“Am I okay?” The ma-…deathclaw repeated, raising a scaly brow as he glanced from his claw lying beside the little lizard to the lizard standing beside the claw and staring back at him, head tilted to the side in cute worry. “Yeah…just fine.” When his buddy looked to inquire further, he used his previously mentioned claw to coincidentally rub the apparent sand away from an orange eye, throwing in a yawn for good measure. “Anyways, what’s up buddy?”

Tilting his head to the other side, the gecko was silent a moment, a moment in fact that had the deathclaw discreetly sweating out of fear of being instantly found out, before it suddenly remembered what it was in fact that had it jumping around in the first place.

Squeak! Squeak Squeak!

“An angry purple lizard? What li-“

“He means me.”

Looking up and over, the pair were greeted with the sight of a very much indeed, pissed off looking squat purple and green lizard, dripping wet scales and glowering green eyes accentuated by sudden and dramatic lightning-light.

Hey, wait a minute.

“You’re…wait, who the actual fuck are you?”

The bipedal reptile in question growled.

“Oh you know exactly who I am!” The angry little lizard yelled from across the room. Too bad all Richard really did in return was slowly shake his head.

“No, I don’t.” The deathclaw growled before glancing at the gecko beside him. “He a friend of yours, Badass?”

The orange gecko shook his head. The purple one growled.

“Take a wild guess.” He hissed, little arms crossed.

Bringing a claw to his chin, Richard squinted in thought at the waiting lizard, taking several moments to review previous events to the impatient foot tapping of a certain scale-skin growing more impatient with each passing second. And then Richard suddenly snapped his claws.

“Oh yeah!” Richard said, the answer dawning on him.

“Finally.” The little lizard sighed with an eye roll.

“That’s right, the purple one said your name a couple times.” Richard said, pointing a claw at him. “Uh…Spunk!”

“What?! No!” The reptile shouted, a faint blush adding to his already beyond frustrated features. “It’s Spike!”

“…The gecko?”

“Dragon!”

“Hm, right.” Richard chuckled, earning another irritated growl from the purple pipsqueak over yonder. “So, Spike, there something I can do you for or..?”

“Answers.”

The deathclaw blinked.

“Huh?”

“You heard me!” Spike yelled, pointing a claw at the lounging lizard. “I’ve got questions and YOU owe me some answers!”

Now at that, Richard actually got a bit defensive.

“I owe you?” He repeated, brow raised before his eyes quickly narrowed. “Bro, I didn’t even know you’re name up until a couple seconds ago, how-“

“FOUR!” He suddenly yelled, causing the colossal lizard, and little lizard beside him, to shrink back a bit. “Four, of my friends, are in the hospital right now!” He gritted his fangs. “And WHO brought them there?!”

Richard saw where he was going with this.

“M-, Me?”

“That’s right.” Spike said, eyes narrowing. “And the way I see it, you’re the reason they’re there in the first place. Aren’t you.”

That wasn’t a question, by the way.

“Well kid, the thing is-“

“Applejack.” He took a step forward.

“Kid, look-“

“Rainbow Dash.” Another step.

“Listen, I wasn’t-“

“R-Rarity.” Another step with an added snarl.

“Look, Spike, It wasn’t me that-“

“Pinkie Pie.” Another step and-

“IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

-and then the dragon stopped, eyes slightly narrowed up at the deathclaw whose heaving chest and wild eyes said it all. The balled up claws he’d slammed on the now-cracked stone ledge only emphasized that which was yet to be said.

“Then prove it.”

…

…

"…Sigh. Sure. Fuck it."

And with that simple statement, Richard stood, jumped from his spot, and landed with a boom before the drastically, comparatively tiny dragon. Standing up to his full height, he peered down at the little guy before him with a pissed but resolved glare.

The dragon, for his part, simply remained still, his gaze never wavering, claws clenched at his sides and little chest puffed out. A perfect look of fortitude.

And yet, despite the little runt doing his damndest to melt Richard with his eyes, the man-turned-deathclaw knew it was all just for show. How so? Well, despite being an apex predator, it didn’t necessarily take the keenest senses of the pool, genetically bread to sniff out shit like fear when you practically reeked of it.

And this kid? Literally stank of fear. Didn’t help none that Richard could see it too, what with the fumes clouding around him. But besides that, he also saw him shaking, saw his claws practically paling with how hard he was clenching them, heard him gulp, watched him sweat. And yet...

Besides all of that…

He didn't shy away. He didn't flinch or concede. He just stood his ground and kept his pose, despite the fact that Richard could very well end his whole career with little to no effort.

…Huh, deja vu.

With a single hiss, he raised an arm, claws as easily as tall as the little dragon they fell towards and with but only the last noise to be heard before contact being the breathe that Spike took in as he braced, was quickly found to be for nothing as he felt only the gentle touch of hard hide lightly patting his head.

Blinking, he slowly looked up in obvious confusion to see passed razor sharp claws to a smiling maw that bore no wickedness and orange orbs that showed only a startling warmth to them.

"Well kid," Richard spoke, sounding tired yet oddly satisfied. "Looks like you really ain't budging on this, huh?"

After hesitating a moment, he only shook his head, eliciting another sigh and chuckle from the monstrous deathclaw, now coming to slowly lay down on the stone tiles with a light thud.

"Sigh. Fine. If you're so damn adamant then…take a seat kid, gonna be a long one."

Hesitating once more, Spike gave the prone monster a rather disbelieving and very suspicious look before, after seeing the manclaw only raise an innocent brow, finally dropped his guard and, without much else to say, plopped himself down and crossed his arms, looking up at the him expectantly.

"So…” Richard started, giving the drake a once-over before glancing to his side and noting the sudden presence of another eager listener “Guess you…two want some context first so shit's less confusing, right?"

He nodded. As did Badass.

"Alright. Well...fuck. I guess I really do gotta start from the beginning then, huh?"

Another nod. And another nod, with an added squeak good measure.

"Sigh. Well, it all started after I woke up in a mountain."