The Not So Deadly Deathclaw

One Week Later...

Beep…Beep…Beep

Knock Knock

“Come in.”

…

“Ah, good morning Miss Rainbow Dash.”

“Uh huh.”

“I believe you know what time it is?”

“Sigh. Gee, I don’t know? Is it time I finally get outta this place?”

“Hmm. Funny. But no, Miss Dash, it’s time for you to take your medication.”

“Oh, great. Pills for breakfast. Again.”

“Is there a problem, Miss Dash?”

“Oh, I think you know the answer to that, Red.”

Nurse Red Heart did. She just wanted to hear what the bedridden pegasus, wonderbolt, and element of harmony barer just had to say this time.

“Do remind me again, Miss Dash?” She asked, earning a stink eye from the pegasus which she matched with a pointed look of her own. Crossing her hooves, she scoffed.

“I already told the doc. I. Don’t. Need them.”

“And I’d already told you nearly a dozen times yesterday and the day before, Miss Rainbow Dash.” The nurse responded, before turning and nabbing one of several small serving trays from a metal cart she’d rolled in with her teeth. Turning back to the rainbow-maned mare pouting like a rainbow-maned foal, she approached the mare’s bedside and, when she got close enough, placed it gently on the little nightstand beside her. Two cups rested on it, one filled with multicolored pills while the other was filled with water “You. do.”

The pegasus blew a raspberry.

“Please. Did Daring Doo need meds after she broke a hoof AND a wing fighting the Shepherd of Fire atop the Cliffs of Clover?”

“…Y-?“

“N-Nope! Ow.” The pegasus roared, slamming a hoof on her nightstand, wincing, then playing it off as she shook her head. She hoped the nurse hadn’t noticed but then I’d be lying to myself too if I said she did not not notice. “She mared the buck up, tied on a pair of splits she made outta some vines and bones she found in a nearby cave, fought the dragon that was living IN that cave, WON, and rode it all the way back to Equestria!”

"And then she checked herself into the nearest hospital where she would receive proper medical treatment while also adhering to everything that the medical professionals there advised her to do. Because IF she didn't listen to them, then she NEVER would've been able to EVER go on anymore adventures. That IS why she didn't argue with them, right?" The white coated nurse shot back, never breaking eye contact with the scrunching pegasus. She raised a brow. "Because she was a responsible mare?"

"Why you-"

"Dash. Can ya please just shut yer yap and take yer darn pills already?"

Snapping her head to her left bedside, the pegasus stared daggers at the parting white curtain to reveal a very familiar and very annoyed farmmare. Yet despite the pegasus's glaring and growling, the stetson-toting earth pone simply gave her the same look she'd give her younger sister whenever she was getting cross with her. Suffice to say, after several more seconds of their little staring contest, the pegasus relented and, with a final growl, downed both cups in a single gulp.

"There." The cowgirl smirked, earning one look of ire from Dash and one of gratitude from Redheart. "Now, was that so hard, Dash?"

Grumbling to herself, Rainbow rolled over, crossing her hooves and giving her smug southern neighbor the middle feather before wincing at the accompanying pain that had plagued her since her admittance to Ponyville General. And sure, the meds did relieve most of the physical pain that stemmed from her bandaged wings and barrel (though she'd never admit it in front of the others, especially the nurse), no amount of bed rest nor painkillers would help quell her wounded pride.

To not only lose to that...that thing, and so...easily as she did. But to fail to be there when her friends needed her most? When they were getting it worse than her? When the others were facing down death and she was busy being knocked the buck out?

'Buck that noise.' Dash thought bitterly as she tucked herself in under a blanket of warm cotton and cold uselessness. 'I'll get my revenge. I'll summon that thing up from Tartarus if I have to...just so I can buck it's flank back down there myself.'

Watching the rainbow-maned mare grumbling under her bed sheets, both the nurse and AJ gave each other a glance before the nurse simply shook her head, chalked it up to her just being grumpy, and approached the farm pony's bedside with another tray of meds and water in tow. Placing it down on the bed, she smiled again.

"Thank you Miss Applejack. At least SOME ponies can be a little more reasonable than others."

Chuckling at the nurse's comment, as well as the stick eye she shot towards Rainbow's back, she downed her meds and water without incident and leaned back against her pillow.

"Shoot, it's nothing at all, Miss Redheart." Applejack remarked, before pausing, then suddenly sighing. "But, I wouldn't blame her too much for being a mule in the mud. She's just...hurting, is all...we all are."

Blinking, the nurse's ears folded at the realization, and she made quick to recover.

"Oh, Miss Applejack, I didn't mean-"

"No need for worrying, Miss Redheart, it ain't yer fault." The farmpony assured, smiling as the nurse looked relieved once more. "Just...give her some time, and maybe a Daring Doo book or two, and I'm sure she'll be right as rainbows soon enough."

Hearing that, the nurse gave it some thought before a smile crossed her snoot and she nodded, suppressing a cute giggle. She then relieved AJ of her tray before finally making her way over to the last of the occupied beds at the other end of the room.

"Miss Rarity?" The nurse piped up, slowly passing by the curtain that bordered Applejack's beside to see that the fashionista in question was still sleeping away. Nabbing another tray for the unicorn, the nurse idly wondered just how the mare could still be sleeping despite her friends' antics. It wasn't until she placed the tray down on the nightstand beside her bed however, that the nurse noticed the fuzzy pair of jewel-bedazzled ear muffs and equally bedazzled sleep mask as the unicorn turned her head over, blissfully snoozing the day away without care or interruption.

Until now that is.

"Miss Rarity?" Redheart called, a little louder than before but not so much yelling. And when the mare remained unmoving, the nurse pouted before reaching out to her with a hoof...and hesitated once she noticed her horn.

Or rather, where her horn should've been.

Staring at the broken stump, the nurse remembered back to the day when she heard the news. She had been on break when a younger nurse had barged into the breakroom, her face pale as a bedsheet as she frantically announced that one red and three oranges had just been brought into the lobby. The response thereafter was immediate when several doctors and nurses, herself included, had literally dropped whatever they had been doing, or in that case eating, and rushed to the hospital's entrance with gurneys in tow.

But it wasn't until they all arrived in the lobby did the mass of medical staff freeze upon seeing just who had been brought in and by who, or rather, a what if she was being honest. Bigger than any bipedal creature she'd ever had the displeasure of meeting in pony, it towered over the others with oblivious ease despite its hunched frame. And coupled with its scaly hide, shark-like maw, massive claws, and piercing solid orange eyes, it had taken every fiber of Redheart's everything to NOT just turn tail and run right then and there. Despite everything in Redheart screaming at her to do just that.

But luckily enough, it was thanks to Twilight's quick intervention, in which she slapped a doctor or two, before everypony, Redheart included, snapped to their senses and in a few minutes time the four injured mares had been rushed off to the ER.

Still. Seeing not only Rainbow Dash and Applejack's broken and unconscious forms, but also Miss Rarity's shattered horn had shook the seasoned nurse to her very core. Sure, ponies knocking themselves out wasn't a new thing to the nurse. Nor were the rarer cases when a pretentious unicorn lost a portion of their horn trying, and failing, to impress their friends with casting a spell that was obviously out of their league. But after seeing Pinkie Pie? Oh, Celestia. Had that other nurse not barged in sooner, Redheart was sure she would’ve been right there alongside some of her younger and less experienced peers, either fainted on the spot, or emptying their stomachs into the nearest receptacle.

It was just that horrible. And to think, that it had happened to her of all ponies. That anything like that would happen to those girls.

‘Guess their luck finally ran out,’ the nurse sadly thought. And with that last thought, she lightly shook the mare several times, calling the mare’s name with each shake until with a huff and less than light half-shake half-shove, the sleeping beauty finally revived.

“Huwah?”

Albeit with the grace of a dazed drunkard, but awakened nonetheless. Rolling her eyes at the unicorn as she groggily set to removing her muffs and eye covers, any rising temper from the nurse was gone the moment the mareshmellow opened her eyes.

Now, nurse Redheart was no stranger to missing sleep. She herself had the bags to prove it. In fact, she’d be surprised if any pony in her line of work ever got a full night’s rest in their entire career. The mare before her, however? Yeah, Redheart wondered if the mare even knew what sleep was. Because with her unkept bed-head-ridden mane, sunken sockets, and sporting a look that could flay a lesser mare, Redheart was now genuinely concerning over whether this unicorn had ever slept for more than half an hour since her admittance.

“Yes?” The mare asked expectantly, causing the nurse, who had just realized she’d been caught gawking, to quickly blink before offering an apologetic smile.

“Sorry for waking you, Miss Rarity.” Redheart answered, before retrieving a last tray in her little cart and depositing it at her bedside. “Your medicine?”

Glancing at the two cups in question, the bedridden fashionista could only hold her glowering glare for a second later before her features finally relaxed, a tired smile hinting her gratefulness.

“Oh. Thank you then, Miss Redheart.” Rarity offered, glancing at the pill-filled cup before with a look of concentration, attempted to magically retrieve it. But try as she might, little else came from the mare’s horn stump besides some sparks and a pained grunt from the now mentally exhausted mare. Luckily, the nurse was there for the assist.

“W-Why don’t you just use your hooves instead?” Redheart raised, quickly offering the cup to the panting unicorn who, after a scrunch and look of blushing defeat, took the cup.

“T-Thank you.” Was all the mare could muster in return before daintily downing both cups and, after replacing her sleeping mask, then reached for her fluffy muffs. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really must be getting back to my beauty rest.“

“Of course, Miss Rarity.” The nurse replied, smiling as the mare rolled over for what was presumably some much needed sleep before glancing at the last bed in the row.

And noting it’s emptiness.

And just like that, Redheart’s smile faltered before vanishing in the breeze of a tired sigh. Turning, she collected Rarity’s tray, replaced it back onto the cart and, after bidding the remaining mares her farewell, wheeled the cart out.

And almost into a doctor.

“Oh! Doctor Suture,” the nurse started, blinking rapidly. “My apologies, I didn’t-“ to which he immediately waved her off with a dismissing hoof.

“It is quite alright, Miss Redheart. I was the one not paying attention. Apologies.”

Blinking, the nurse hesitantly nodded before pushing the cart around the doctor and continuing on. But before she could fully depart, he suddenly spoke up.

“Oh, Miss Redheart?”

“Yes, Doctor?”

“Miss…Pie. Did she-“

“Y-Yes…regrettably.”

“Hmm. I see. Well, then if you would be willing-“

“Consider it done, Doctor Suture.”

“Right. Carry on then, Miss Redheart.”

Nodding, the mare turned and pushed the cart further down the hall, turned a corner, and was gone from sight. The doctor, after seeing her go, glanced down at the clipboard in his hoof before adjusting his glasses and turning to-

“Oh! Doctor Suture!”

-See a certain purple unicorn mare approaching him.

“Ah, Miss Sparkle, was it?”

Nodding, Twilight gave the doc her best smile as she came to a stop just a few hooves from him.

“That’s me!”

“Hmm, come to visit your friends, again?” He asked, glancing up at a nearby clock and raising a brow. “And not a second before or after visiting hours have officially started. That’ll mark a whole week straight of that. Heh, quite the punctual one, you are.”

“Yup! Oh, and thanks. I certainly try. It’s as my old magical kindergarten teacher used to say, ‘Early is on time and on time is late. So, if you’re not early, you better not be late!’ Hah!”

Chuckling himself, the doctor extended a hoof towards the door.

“Then in that case, please, after you.” He offered, to which she accepted with a smile and a nod as she entered the room first with the doc closing the door behind them.

“Rainbow Dash, Applejack! You two are looking better everyday!” Twilight happily exclaimed, to which Dash, being Dash, smirked as she responded in kind.

“Uh, yeah? Shouldn't be a surprise. Ain’t nothing keepin’ down The DA-oh!” Rainbow winced, her latest attempt to rock a pose in bed once again being met with pain as she winced, but not so much that the others noticed. At least, that’s what she hoped.

“Heh. Serves ya right, Dash.” Applejack said, shaking her head with a smirk all the while as she crushed the flustered flyer’s hopes. She did give the unicorn and doctor a more genuine smile though. “Good to see you again, Twi. Doc.” The mare greeted, nodding to the pair.

“Likewise, Miss Applejack.” The doctor agreed, pushing his glasses up before glancing at his board again. “And Miss Rainbow, please, I did and still suggest that you hold off from any excessive boasting while being admitted here. Posing included.”

When all the doc got was a huff and crossed hooves from the mare, the stallion simply shook his head before flipping the first page over And briefing skimming the next one. “Speaking of which, that’s actually the reason I’ve come in to see you girls today.”

“Finally!” The prismatic pegasus joyfully shouted, throwing her hooves up as her comment only got an eye raise from the doc and a sigh from the farm mare beside her.

“Ignore her, Doc. She’s just being a foal is all.” Applejack said, earning a insulted "Hey!" from the girl in question before continuing on without missing a beat. “But is that really true, Doc? We really getting outta here?”

“Well...no, at least, not today that is.” He responded, earning a disgruntled groan from the aerophile. He paid her no mind. “But, once I’ve given all of you a final diagnosis, filled out the necessary paperwork, and distributed your respective medications, you can expect to be fully checked out of Ponyville General in three days.”

The two bed jockeys certainly brightened up after hearing that, as did Twilight as she beamed at the pair.

“Isn’t that great, girls?”

The pair nodded, though of course a certain pegasus had to add her two bits in.

“Yeah. I GUESS I can survive here for a few more days.” she sighed, before being decked by a pillow. “Oof! Hey!” Her resulting glare however was only traded for a snort from the farm pony beside her who just shook her head, yet again unamused.

“Honestly, Rainbow.” Applejack huffed. “Would it kill ya to just shut yer whin’n yap for a cloud-bucking second and just thank the kind staff and doctor here for helping your sorry flank?”

Rainbow took exception to that.

“What?!” She shouted, to which the apple farmer rolled her eyes, and only ticking off the mare all the more. “I don’t whine! Rarity whines!”

“Oh yeah?” The farm pony pressed, raising a brow. “Well from where I’m sitting, you’re certainly doing an awfully good impression of her.”

“You-!” The mare growled, “You’re one to talk!”

“Oh? And how-,” the farm mare asked, crossing her hooves with a smirk and a brow raise. “Do you figure that?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Rainbow began, playing innocent as she rolled her eyes in faux thought. “Maybe you should ask the mare who was crying her eyes out before her shot?”

Applejack’s smirk immediately vanished. Coincidentally as Rainbow’s one doubled.

“You, ya darn varmint! I-I thought you were sleeping!”

“Maybe I was? Or maybe your whining was what woke me up?”

“Listen here, you rainbow-dipped little s-“

“Ahem!”

…
…

“Girls?” Rarity asked, her polite tone patient and almost jovial despite the aura of sheer pissed that the others, even the doctor, could feel emanating from her bedside. The two rivals didn't need to see the unicorn to know she was as cranky as a sleep-deprived ursa minor and would bar no fury to match one if the pair didn't shut up right then and there.

They did, for all of a measly three seconds, before Rainbow attempted to once again call somepony else's bluff but immediately shut her wind trap when Rarity's head instantly snapped to her, her eyes baring a fire that shone brighter than Celestia's sun and burned twice as hotter with every passing second it remained on Rainbow's wilting form.

"On...second thought, maybe Rarity's right? Heh, heh." croaked the pegasus as she sheepishly smiled, leading the fashionista to raise a brow. When the flyer broke her gaze and stared at her sheets like a wounded diamond dog, only then did Rarity nod curtly before pulling a complete one-eighty and bestowing the visiting bookworm and bespectacled doctor.

"Twilight, darling. It is so good to see you again. and to you as well, Doctor."

"Me too, Rarity!" her friend happily responded. The doctor merely nodded, pushing up his glasses.

"Likewise, Miss Rarity. May I continue?" He took the other girls' collective silence as his cue. “Hmm, good. Now, where was I..? Ah yes, I-"

"Wait a minute." Twilight suddenly said, unintentionally interrupting the doctor who gave her a not-so concealed look of irritation. "Where's Pinkie Pie?"

"I was just getting to that, actually." The doctor responded, pushing up his glasses as he raised an unamused brow at the unicorn who could only offer an apologetic chuckle back.

"Heh heh, sorry." Twilight responded, taking a couple steps back as she rubbed the back of her head. "Please! Continue."

Holding his gaze with the unicorn for a second longer than he should've needed, just to nail the point home, he slowly turned towards the others, like a teacher finally reining in his noisy class, wondering just who'd be the next one bold enough to interrupt him. His bits were on Rainbow Dash, if anyone was curious, but he wouldn't say that out loud. He was a professional after all.

"Rrrrriiiight. Ahem. As I was saying, concerning the matter of when all of you will be released, I have some...saddening news." Again the doctor paused, not to be dramatic of course, but just so anypony who wanted to spontaneously interrupt him could happily do so now without further striking his ire. When nopony jumped in as he'd half-expected, he nodded at having their undivided attention and continued. "It is...with a heavy heart that I must inform all of you that Miss Pinkie Pie-"'

"Is riiiiIIGGGGHHT HERE!" The pink menace cheered, throwing her hooves up as she suddenly barged into the room in a wheelchair. Despite getting a yelp and a jump out of Twilight, the doctor wasn't even surprised. Though he did raise a brow when a heavily exasperated Redheart came rushing in after the mare before nearly keeling over in a fit of panting exhaustion.

"So-, huff, haah, sorry, Doctor Suture." The staff member tried to apologize, resetting herself straight as best and proper as she could. "I-, I was just escorting Miss Pinkie Pie from the maternity ward when she suddenly sped off!" She then fixed the party pony with a scalding glare. "And nearly crashed into three other patients on the way here." The pink health hazard simply giggled innocently to herself.

"Ahh. Sorry Miss Redheart! I just wanted to wish a humongulous happy birthday to ALL the cute little fillies and colts there!" At the nurse's undiminished fury, Pinkie hastily explained herself.

"And...well...thenIgotthisuperyduperyfuzzyfeelinginmytummblytumthatcouldhaveeithermeantmyfriendswerevisitingtodayorthatthepuddingfromthecafeteriawasabouttoeightysixmyguttygutbutthenIrememberedthatIalreadyhadsomedelishiliciouscupcakesfrommypinkiepocketalittleafterbreakfastandthosecouldnothavebeenthecausebecauseIalwaysmakesuretheypinkiepromisetostaygooduntilIwantoneso-hm, mHMM, hmHMMhm?"

"Miss. Pinkie Pie." The nurse interjected, simply, pointedly, and a little impatiently. All the while the bottom of her left forehoof rested firmly against everything audibly-inclined below the mare's scrunched snoot. "You're speaking too quickly. Again."

"Hmm hmm, hmhmm. Hmmh, Hmm Hmhmm!"

[Heh heh, whoopsie. Sorry, Miss Redheart!]

"Hm mhm hmmhm mhhm mh hmmhm mhhmm hm hmmhhm mh hm mmmh!"

[I was just trying to explain myself as hastily as I could!]

"Hmm hmhm hmhmh mhhhmh mhhhmhm hmhmh? Hm hmhm mhmhhmm, mhmhh?"

[Should I've explained myself expeditiously instead? Or maybe hurriedly, perhaps?]

"Hmm, hmhmh! Hm hmm hm hmm mhh mhmm hm mhm hm hmm hmm mhmh, mhm mhmhm mhmh mhh mh-"
[Hey, Author! I know you just got back after being gone for a long time, but could you do me a teensy favor and-]

"Miss Pinkie Pie!" The nurse groaned, finding no comfort in knowing, much less feeling the cumulating amount of spit drenching her hoof as she attempted to plug the leaking dam that was the mare's mouth. "You're also getting severely off topic. Again."

"HMM?! Hmm mhm hmhmm hmmhmm mhh!"

[HEY! You can read subtitles too!]

"What are you even-?"

"While...ALL of that is well and...commendable, Miss Pinkie Pie..." Doctor Suture started, appearing mostly unperturbed by the mare's remarkable ability to say so many words in a single breath up until he failed to suppress a impulsive brow raise at her ongoing efforts to say more despite the nurse's best efforts to shove her whole hoof down Pinkie's sporadically-spewing word-dispenser.

"I have news that may not only concern you, but your friends and possibly even your family as well. So, please. Would you allow me a single moment to say what I must." With a tone mixed between a subtle, professional seriousness and weathered patience few besides some parents, doctors, or teachers could replicate, the mare found herself immediately complying.

Straightening up, a reaction which surprised both nurse and friends, the pink patient solemnly nodded and uttered not a syllable thereafter. The doctor, after meeting her eye for a few scant seconds, nodded as well, before proceeding to remove his glasses and fix each of the girls with a sweeping look destitute of anything even remotely reassuring.

"Miss Pinkie Diana Pie...will, regrettably, NOT be leaving this hospital."