Gray Rock 2
Gray Rock - Close With the Enemy And . . .
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"You have no idea how much I despise you and your perverted nature at this moment," Princess Luna tells me.
I'm a good boy because I don't squeak my wet fingers across her rubbery body and give her a few strokes of the foot pump. The last time I did that her eyes rolled up in her head and her knees got rubberier than they had been. I satisfied myself with one pump and a wipe with a soapy rag to look for yet more leaks.
Luna is currently an animated inflatable. She used her powers to adjust herself so her hull is as thick as a wetsuit, rather than the thin vinyl the central altar of this space had turned her into. Considering she's covered with patches, you can guess how well that went. The armor Nightmare gave me to protect my flesh and blood frame was barely adequate for the task of carefully removing her deflated form from the brambles.
"The opinion of a reinforced balloon who forced herself through Bougainvillea, Roses and other thorn bushes is always valuable," I tell her, "As for the glare, we both know that the instant you're awake, you'll have me dragged out of my bed, thrown in a cage to hang from the castle's walls where ravens will peck out my eyes and tongue. The only reason I'm helping you is that your death would upset Celestia."
Luna gulps and shuts off the death glare, although her irritation that I'm treating her as a machine under repair grinds her gears. She's always been cute, but always the boyish or teeny-bopper one compared to Celestia. In her normal form, if she wore a baggy sweatshirt to her hips it would be difficult to tell if she were a mare or stallion, while Celestia would make it obvious which she was. Now I'm rubbing my hands on her with all the romance of bandaging an injured pet. A stream of bubbles gets slight deflation, a wipe with a clean rag, and a patch. She's a knockout, and I'm basically treating her as my kid-sister's bike tire.
I think her form looks like what Nightmare was trying to achieve, but the latter overcompensated for her inferiority complex. Compared to Nightmare, Luna's currently narrower at the hip and shoulder, a bit thicker at the waist, her breasts are firm pillows instead of nosecones, and while her coloration hasn't changed, her fur is gone. None of the good stuff is visible, instead of nipples she has a small flange covering a recessed inflation cap like a risque sling suit or a very oversized pasty, and she has another at her hip in the middle of her cutie mark. And I'm not reacting in the least. Part of my training. You don't give drama queens an inch.
"That should be enough to get you out of here." I disconnect the pump and cap her hip nozzle, snapping the flange cap back on. "And just to make this clear, this isn't my perversion, this is Nightmare's nightmare, it's clearly labeled as such on the doors you went through. This is one of the things she's most afraid of," I tell Luna as we head towards the exit.
"Why would she be afraid of this?" Luna asks.
"Same reason you are," I tell her, "The thought of having to depend on another for rescue, the worry about being hurt and immediately rendered helpless. And the orgiastic feeling of being restored. Except Nightmare could respond to that restoration as she had holes between her legs your form lacks. Interesting comment on your sexual identity."
"You dare!" she shouts and tries to tower over me, forgetting she only weighs a few pounds now. She bounces along the path and I walk to catch up as she's clambering to her feet.
"Tell you what, I won't tell Nightmare about what a squeak and pump do to you, if - " I tell her and grin.
Her radiant defiance last for a few seconds, until I add, "She should have finished eating the Tantabus you created. Sackcloth and ashes too plebeian, you had to create your own Nightmare Forces as self-flagellation?"
"You invaded my dreams?" she cries out.
I glance around. "You're here, through seven doors. Isn't that the same?" I ask, "As I was saying, I won't tell Nightmare, if - you accede to my demands."
"I don't have any holes down there," she replies, the dictionary definition of smarmy.
"One, you'll be restored once we're out of the nightmare path. Two, Applejack and Celestia could deal with that problem easily. Three, eww, why cheat on Celestia, Nightmare and Applejack? That's like getting flying advice by ignoring Fleetfoot to listen to a quadriplegic Earth Pony." Before she can explode I add, "If I don't hear about you and Celestia having a picnic or low tea or whatever informal sisters-only bonding meal within a week, and if I don't hear about a pillow fight or tickle fight between you and your sister within a month, I'll tell not only Nightmare about your little enjoyment, I'll walk into Tartarus and tell all the denizens there about it."
The look of horror on her face is classic.
"What of the Tantabus?" she asks to change the subject.
"Yes, imagine what would have happened if I'd continued blowing you up by mouth," I say as I walk. I stop beside a door, wait for her to run through and close the door to Nightmare's nightmares. Once it's closed, Luna returns to normal. "Sure you don't want to pick up some dirt on me?" I ask and point to the door labeled 'His perversions'. She's gone when I glance back. "Your loss." I head through the door. Nightmare and I thoroughly explored all these when I was a geranium. I know where she'll be.
Nightmare was washing down the remains of the ersatz nightmare force with some tea, brewed by Celestia. Not the humanoid local, the canon, winged unicorn. They seem to be chatting amiably as Celestia is doing some stretches.
They knew I was coming, I realize.
"Grey Rock," Celestia says as she practically jumps to me, leaving a neat pile of her regalia behind.
"Why do I know you spelled it with an 'e'?" I ask as I brace myself for her inevitable greeting.
She thrusts her head between my legs and I'm sliding down her neck a moment later as she giggles. I don't know how big canon Celestia is, there are only clever guesses, but this Celestia is the size of a thoroughbred race horse, and just as fast. As her mane wraps around me better than any seatbelt, she accelerates to a gallop and goes tearing through the meadow of this dream space. Once I'm lying on her back with my arms around her neck she takes off straight into a flying routine that would have Rainbow crying in hopeless envy in moments.
Why is this my perversion? Strong, well-muscled, still feminine female those muscles flexing and straining beneath me. The exhilaration of danger yet the knowledge of safety. The perfect balance of Mother, Madonna and Whore, with the added bonus of battlefield companion.
After living my whole life with 'Strong, Independent Women' who ran back to often awful men at the first sign of adversity, experiencing the real thing, who actively wants to prove herself to me has became a fetish when I met Celestia in the flesh.
What we do together in the clouds is noponies business, dreams are private, except to Luna and she turned it down.
Journal Entry - 1A+19 (Actually transcribed over much later)
It was a very shaken panel that called me in to interview that morning. My legal team was there, and the rulers were all on edge. Chief Thunderhooves was the only one who seemed serene about it. The three equanoids looked differing varieties of nervous. Ember looked like she wanted to kill me, ball me, or both and was openly hostile because of it. Heh, teenagers. Note they were all similar to the ponies, humanoid with animal characteristics. So I wouldn't have tossed Ember out of bed for eating cookies. The difference between the buffalo and the zebra was very stark, a retired but still active power lifter and a still competing long-distance runner. The Philosopher-King, Zakuru May the Light Shine On His Name (the first word is his name, the last bit is his actual title, Philosopher-King it is) seemed less philosopher and more scared kid away at camp for the first time. The regal robes would have had Rarity gouge her eyes out and beat herself to death with them. I remember they painted ships like that during the war, but not in bright colors like that.
Thunderhooves had a pair of slacks and his headdress, no shirt. The guy might be old but he could still pull off that look. Although the fur helped.
Luna was wearing something that stole from every bad fashion trope from the last 1500 years. Then I reminded myself that ponies dressed to impress, and something that looked like you couldn't take two steps without breaking something and needed an army of servants to put on and take off screamed 'I don't have to work'. A big deal for nobles.
Ember was completely naked, although there wasn't anything to see. A buxom porn star wearing a skin-tight crocodile costume sums her up. She was also trying to play social climber with Luna, so I decided not to twit Moonbutt about her ridiculous get-up since it was getting Ember's goat. That and last night's adventure had me on thin ice with her anyway.
"Impressive," Thunderhooves said, and seemed to have had his say.
"Why did you not get an entire battle force involved in the village once you'd seen it?" Zakuru asked, "I know you thought you'd called up the Equestrian military, but once you knew it was a village and not a lonesome device, why didn't you call for reinforcements?"
"I had no authority to," I replied and hoped my eyes wouldn't start bleeding looking at his ceremonial garb, "The leaders of our expedition were Doctor Clear Brook and Captain Balustrade, they made the decision to go in. My input was noted, but I am not privy to their thinking."
"Certainly you could have used Nightmare's power to compel them," Zakuru said.
I ignored Luna's horrified expression and answered simply, "Even if I could, it would have been wrong. Morally it is wrong to use compulsion, tactically I would be pitting my recent and minuscule knowledge of pony society against their years of expertise, and for Friendship I have to trust them. Even if I knew that it was not a good idea, they might have known it had to be tried and had a decent chance of success. To compel someone when you aren't sure is flat out stupid, and that's one thing I strive not to be."
"In hind-sight," Luna said, "They would give more weight to his arguments."
A small bone, but a bone none-the-less. I nodded to Luna.
"What is the nature of your people?" Chief Thunderhooves said, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"My people are so varied that the answer cannot be universal. There are people who simply want to see the world burn, there are people who would die before seeing another injured, there are the bravest, and cowards, those who wear the cloak of virtue but are the vilest villains, and villains of the darkest stripe who are the most magnanimous and gentle. Most are within these extremes, but given the right circumstances, many can ascend the heights or plunge to the depths, and return to being ordinary after that."
"You are not bound by destiny?" the Chief said.
I'm beginning to think Chief Thunderhooves should be the philosopher-king, not the jumpy zebra. "Some believe they are, others believe they are not. We don't have Cutie Marks and our lack does not free us from destiny. Mainly people are bound by what they believe."
"And what do you believe?" the chief asked, having led me along the path, now we got the question he really wanted answered.
"I'm a very angry, young man who has the lightest and darkest ponies in coopetition for the preservation of my soul. Nightmare desires to continue her interaction with the world. Celestia want to find a reason for Princess Celestia to spare me. Neither agrees with method, and neither can be civil for a long period of time with the other, but both agree on the goal. My abuse by my household should be known to you and my desire to hit back against those who would hurt me is a pronounced but not my finest trait. It also makes it hard for me to trust good intentions are the driving force for any action. But I am learning that this is not home, and there is a sea change happening with the help of many of the honestly friendly people of this world."
"What do I want? I'm a young man and have you considered the aesthetics of Princess Celestia?" I said, "Well Nightmare's as good looking in a different way, and there's another less exotic pony who's got my interest. In my original world, I was planning on being a soldier, but that was a means to escape my household rather than a goal in itself, so I guess I'm still finding out what I want."
"Overcoming your darker side and searching for who you are, are good signs to start with," Zakuru said, trying to sound as wise as Thunderhooves, but still sounding like the gang leader's chief sycophant rather than a person with their own ideas.
I really don't like Mister Pretentious over there, I thought to Nightmare.
"They're ALL like that," Nightmare replied, "Why do you think Zecora left and stayed gone?" I was glad no one could hear her but me.
Those with enlightenment don't like competing with the faux enlightened ones in eye-searing robes? I questioned Nightmare.
"Close enough," Nightmare answered.
There were discussions, arguments, point-counterpoint, rhetoric, and several near-fistfights, yes fists Ember's mostly, about the morality of attacking a helpless opponent you had no chance of defeating in fair combat. Basically, it revolved around the whys and rescuing friends who were being tortured seemed acceptable, while freeing the other citizens of the town was not. Let's just say that I can see why the interventions requiring the Princesses to personally step in make more sense. 'If you got yourself into the hole, it's up to you to get yourself out' seems a pretty widely held belief. And the rulers owned the international holes entirely.
There's good and bad to both ends of that. I was sent back to my cell, and Mao-Tse-Pony was back in full song that she was going to get her horn back, then hunt down me and my loved ones, and make them suffer.
"You mean you're goings to ties us to chairs and makes us listen to you talk," I say as I climb into my bunk. Despite not getting the emotional pounding Mao-Tse-Pony did, I am still exhausted. "That's the scariestest thing I've ever heard anycorn say, no strike that you aren't an alicorn. Instead you'd have us asleep in two to three minutes, so keep talking."
She screams and tries to yank the bars off their foundations.
"Nope, still boring, even watching your tits bounce is boring, how did you manage that?" I ask.
If she gets an aneurism, am I a murderer? I wonder as she reacts to my question.
"One can only hope," Nightmare replies.
Journal Entry - 1A+20 (Actually transcribed over much later)
I should be pretentious and call this 'The Day' or some-such, but it was merely the first time both Mao-Tse-Pony and I went before the panel together. As soon as she came in sight of them, the waterworks started, she accused me of all sorts of heinous crimes and threats, said I'd done more than merely cut off her horn, all of it after I'd cut off her horn.
The panel reacted with shock, outrage, glares and promises to make things right.
I should be doubting the intelligence of these learned sages, but I want to see where this is going.
"That's awful!" Cadence says.
"Unforgivable," Zakuru adds.
"You poor thing!" Luna says.
"Such a cruel world!" Chief Thunderhooves says.
"The fire shall avenge," Ember says and blows a blast of flame at the distant ceiling.
While Mao-Tse-Pony weeps piteously, trying for the local Tony-equivalent for a live performance, the five rulers stare at me.
"I also called her fat," I say, "After she threatened to hunt down and punish my loved ones."
"That's awful!" Zakuru says.
"Unforgivable," Luna adds.
"You poor thing!" Ember says.
"Such a cruel world!" Cadence says.
"The fire shall avenge," Chief Thunderhooves says and bows head against the conference table, "You forgot to mention calling her tits boring."
It takes Starlight a few seconds to realize the jig is up. "That was a private conversation," Starlight gasps.
"Between prisoners?" I ask, "With you screaming loud enough they heard you in the Crystal Empire? How could you assume that was private?" I don't know if she came out of the box that stupid or if she'd convinced herself that other rulers would follow such a moronic line of thinking.
She's stammering her reply when Discord walks in with a rather shriveled expression on his face.
"In a well-used, lime bucket, really?" he asks, "I'm going to start from scratch, even I couldn't get rid of the smell."
Starlight gives a grin that she's won despite all evidence to the contrary. A moment later she has her horn back, and is younger than the Crusaders. She looks around blankly, as I realize Discord didn't just transform her, he reset her back to her age at her start of darkness.
If they assign her to me to raise, I tell Nightmare, I'm jumping straight out the window onto the spikiest object I can find. I step back carefully, aware of the fuze being lit and what is about to happen.
"No problem," Nightmare says, the only one audible over the wails of despair coming out of the foal.
The foal was shunted off to some royal functionary or other and I frankly don't care what they did with her after that. Strike that, if they dropped her on me or the Apples there's going to be a murder-suicide. The rulers again pronounced me 'mostly harmless' and I too was free to return to Ponyville. Princess Luna was about to say something when her eye started twitching and she left the hall as fast as decorum and her ridiculous costume would permit.
Chief Thunderhooves reiterated the request that at my earliest opportunity I should sweep their lands. I gave a quick bow and said I'd work it out with the family I was living with. Then I was escorted back to my cell for a good night's sleep and to let the functionaries put everything in order for my return.
I didn't see Celestia before I nodded off, and I half-expected to see Luna after I did. Seeing Celestia and Applejack once I was firmly asleep was a surprise.
"This place is big," I hear Applejack say as she rubbernecks, the faint echo coming back at her.
"More is hidden than you see here," Nightmare replies as I approach, and all three faces brighten: Applejack, Nightmare and Celestia. Neither Nightmare nor Celestia are wearing their regalia, in fact none of them are wearing more than their fuzz. Applejack seems mildly embarrassed by this, even more-so when I sit down next to her.
"So, you all know you're dreaming right?" I ask.
Celestia and Nightmare nod, Applejack just blushes and rubs her hands over each other.
"Since they were having pornographic dreams about you, I thought they might include you," Nightmare says, and adds Celestia to the furiously blushing crowd. Which now includes me.
"Uh, thank you," I manage as Applejack seems to want to hide behind me.
"She was washing you," Nightmare says, which has Applejack scoot to the side faster than Dash or Twilight could move.
"Celestia's dreams were more worrying," Nightmare says, sympathetically, sympathetically for Nightmare at least.
As Celestia blushes and stares at her lap, I hook Applejack's arm and urge her to follow me to Celestia's side. She leans against Celestia from one side as she sits down, while I lean in from the other when I'm seated. Celestia is now a darker pink than Cadence, but wraps her wings around us and holds us tight against her as we put our arms around Celestia's waist.
"Tell them," Nightmare says, more urging than commanding, but with the implication of 'or I will'.
"Nightmare can be a bit rough, but she means well," I explain.
"I mean well, no, I mean really well," Nightmare says, eliciting a laugh from the other two mares.
"I heard there was a dangerous prisoner who'd been captured and was in maximum security," Celestia explained, and we were following Celestia's dream image at a dead run through the corridors of Canterlot's prison.
The dream image was in third-person, us four following Dream-Celestia at a dead run. I suspect the servants would go mad if they ever caught her going quicker than a fast walk. Watching the famous Sunbutt as she runs is delightful. I want to take a few sidelong glances at the effect of running that way has on my companions, but colliding with a wall or statue isn't worth it. Besides the mental image we project here doesn't have to follow real or video-game physics.
The corridor rapidly goes from paint and marble to dressed stone to carved rock, and ends in a huge door. The guards' challenges are perfunctory, but they won't budge until Dream-Celestia goes through them all. They pay no attention to us.
The door's opening emits a blast of cold sufficient to pierce our veil of unreality. Dream-Celestia rushes ahead, heedless of the cold, while we shiver in her wake. The door closing galvanizes us to rush forward. The cell is the most convoluted thing I've seen in Equestria.
"Why have this, when you have Tartarus?" I ask, and enjoy the wince at my Zecoraism. The cell appears to be glass or crystal, transparent, and constrained by eight chains, one at each corner of the rectangular solid, suspending it and preventing it from moving up. The walkway to the cell ends near a hatch in the top. Dream-Celestia is opening that, with her hands, making it seem magic doesn't affect the crystal, or magic is neutralized in the area. The cell itself is the size of a four car garage. Enough living space to put someone in and leave them there forever.
In the far corner is me, naked and chained ankles to wrists so I'm standing on a shirt, hunched over. The wounds on the figure's back have crusted over, but the bruises are still a vivid purple. Dream-Celestia and prisoner-me have a conversation.
"Evidently, the prisoner had entered the final state of hypothermia," Celestia says.
"The which?" Applejack asks.
"Hypothermia is when your body temperature drops, so you start shivering to make more heat, blood starts concentrating in your core to keep warm, but in the final stage the body gives up and lets the warm blood back to the surface and the people think they're too hot while they are dying from the cold. So you can find frozen people who've taken most of their clothes off."
"Nothing I could do could save you," Celestia says as Dream-Celestia breaks the chains and pulls the prisoner-me tight against her with her arms and wings.
Then we're back in the anteroom.
"No need to watch her abase herself and him die anyway," Nightmare says, then chuckles at Celestia's relief and Applejack's embarrassment, "Yes?"
"Bessy ate ya," Applejack says, "I brought ya out for some fresh air and rain, and when I brought the watering can, Bessy was munching away beside the empty flower pot."
Nightmare starts laughing. "Less elaborate, but just as horrifying."
"Don't worry Celesta, Applejack and I will let you prove you're warm and fluffy," I tell her, and watch her almost color to Applejack's hue, while Applejack goes to nearly brown.
Nightmare, of course, is laughing so hard she can barely stand.
"Then we'll compare and contrast Nightmare," I say.
Nightmare quits laughing and pales to Celestia's current hue. While neither Applejack nor Celestia are quite laughing at Nightmare, the appraising looks are verging towards that.
There was a lot more than snuggling going on, but nothing actually got consummated, except verifying that Nightmare is most ticklish pony, and both Applejack and Celestia have a competitive, sadistic streak when it comes to tickle fights. Once they had Nightmare at their mercy, they demonstrated that they understand that forcing pleasure on Nightmare is worse than hitting her.
They also showed their sadistic streak when they didn't offer up any solace to me. Read between the lines, you're adults. All in all, it was a good first step to eventual peace among them. Although Celestia and Applejack are planning something, whether it involves me or not I need to worry about.
Journal Entry - 1A+28
I've been busy, shoot me.
Peeling Clear Brook off the ceiling when she read the expurgated version of events in my 'read by Equestrians' journal took some time. I was a bit more explicit about what Starlight said about me, Princess Celestia and her plans there than here. That's what set off Clear Brook, as a loyal soldier of Princess Celestia, and a psychologist/psychiatrist. They don't separate the two as strongly as they do on Earth.
So she dragged me and Capt. Balustrade back to Equalsville to oversee the psychological damage done the ponies there. And I thought I was messed up by my household. Some of these ponies are so messed up, they actually want Mao-Tse-Pony back and in charge.
So there was some role reversal, as I was playing dumping ground for Clear Brook as she tried to help these ponies. It was the attempted suicide that put her over the edge and into full-blown Cutie-Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome, Balustrade had to use her own sedatives on her and drag her back to Ponyville. Then we let her loose on a Timberwolf. There's my and Nightmare's rage issues, then there's Clear Brook's. The poor, old girl lost it completely. I doubt that Timberwolf will ever regenerate. That said, once we got Clear Brook back home to her office here, and some decent coffee in her, she calmed down a bit. Nightmare managed to only give clear and correct advice in getting the doctor squared away and somewhat straightened out. Evidently there's a high turnover among the medical teams at the site, three weeks and you're rotated out whether you're showing signs or not, but most do show signs on rotation or within a week of leaving. I suspect that Discord returning Mao-Tse-Pony to a filly was a greater mercy than most knew.
The banality of evil.
The Mane Six sans Applejack have been avoiding me, which I put in the win column. Applejack has told me they discussed it. Of course Rainbow thinks if she pisses me off, I'll chop her wings off. Maybe. Before my encounter with Discord I'd find her sleeping in a tree and make comments to add horror to her dreams, but now, I just tell her to get back to work, or other fun things.
I pointed at the sleeping figure in the tree. Big Mac nodded.
"Did you find Rainbow to tell her about the Wonderbolts try-outs?" I shouted to Big Mac.
"Nope," Big Mac said happily as he lined up to buck the tree.
"Well, she can cheer on Fluttershy and Derpy with the rest of us." I said, and verified Rainbow was turning over in her sleep.
Big Mac bucked and not only apples poured out of the tree.
"Huh, wha? Is Spitfire still here? How did Fluttershy join the Wonderbolts?" she shouted, she was about to grab me when she thought better of it. "Why didn't you come get me?"
"You were asleep in the tree," Big Mac said.
"If I hurry, maybe I can catch up!" Rainbow said.
"Catch up to what?" I asked.
"The Wonderbolts Try-Outs!" Rainbow shouted, "Where are they?"
"At their camp in a couple of months, aren't they?" I asked, "It's not like they'd go from town-to-town recruiting."
Rainbow patted her frazzled mane back into place and laughed nervously, "Yeah right, just a dream."
"Clear Brook?" Big Mac asked and nodded towards Rainbow.
"Naw, it's not like she has a chance anyway, being a Bearer and all." I stooped to pick up the apples the baskets hadn't caught.
"What do you mean I don't have a chance because I'm a Bearer?" Rainbow demanded, still a bit addled from her awakening.
"Spitfire isn't going to put someone on the team who'll have to light out in the middle of a performance to save the world," I said, "Or risk injuring that person as part of a stunt team so they can't save the world. It'd be like a pro-Hoofball player scrimmaging with college junior varsity. Too much chance of injury, no real benefit if you win."
Rainbow looked like she'd been kicked in the guts.
"Careful, Celestia will kill you if she disowns her Element to join the Wonderbolts," Nightmare warned.
Good point, I replied.
"Besides, it's step down to become a Wonderbolt, like Princess Celestia abdicating in favor of Cadence. You're one of two ponies to wield the Element of Loyalty, and the other is an Alicorn," I said, "You don't think that's a big deal? Or a big enough deal?"
Rainbow looked confused, but at least she wasn't panicking.
"You wanna hang out, go ask for lessons," Big Mac said as he loaded the last baskets onto the wagon.
"That's a good point. They'd be overjoyed to teach you. All you have to do is admit they're better than you, and believe me, all of them together have tricks you've never heard of," I said as I shouldered the wagon and helped Big Mac take the apples back to the barn.
I don't know how long Rainbow stood there staring. Fortunately, she wasn't there the next day. I do wonder what Big Mac and I loosed upon the world.
"What have you done?" comes the question from Twilight when I arrive at the library looking for Spike.
"Got the garden ready for some early harvests," I say, "That's why I'm looking for Spike."
"Rain - bow," Twilight says, "She's devoured every book on flight, flying mechanics and started in on the biographies of famous fliers."
"Oh, that, I stole some of your essence and put it in her, are you sleeping more, looking for cool or awesome books more than usual, not getting worked up over trivialities, or planning on wrestling Applejack any time soon?" I tell her, "I had to balance the equation somehow."
Her expression would curdle cement.
"You're cute when you look like that," I tell her, which causes her to blush and grind her teeth, "So the town librarian is irritated that a bibliophobe has started using the library for its intended purpose. Sounds to me like she's studying up on her chosen avocation, like a good, self-taught student would."
"What did you tell her?" Twilight asks.
"That as an Element Bearer she'll never be part of the Wonderbolts because they won't accept her demoting herself, but if she wanted to hang out with them, she should ask for lessons," I tell her, "I'm guessing she actually did, and Spitfire sent her a reading list."
Twilight stands there with her mouth hanging open, staring at me.
"I'll find Spike myself," I tell her as I head deeper into the library.
Journal Entry - 1A+30
So Rainbow followed our instructions and is currently on a guided study program with Fleetfoot and a couple of retired Wonderbolt Captains. Twilight of course freaked that something disturbed her predictable world, but that's Twilight in a nutshell. The others are happier, including Rainbow, who is in the process of learning how much she didn't know, and gaining a greater and more precise vocabulary about aerial maneuvers, wing positioning, and aerial pioneers.
She's stopped bugging people about 'watch me do this trick' and has buckled down to diagram out what she does. It stops being: 'I do a loop then a flip and . . .' and instead becomes 'I do a Lute Chair circle, transition into Wall Climber's weave then . . . '. She seems a lot happier about things. Glad Mac and me could help. All we have to do is look out for obsession to creep in, Rainbow's or Twilight's would be my bet, but the others aren't going to be satisfied that their book-dumb colleague is getting book-smart, even in only one area.
Ponies are very much a crab-bucket culture, they'll tear down someone who's getting above their 'station'. They did it to Rainbow with Mare-Do-Well, I suspect they'll do it again.
I have a plan, that is fully Nightmare approved, for flying cover for the little speed demon and her enthusiasm.
"Oh hello, Gray Rock," Rarity said as she let me into her shop.
The initial enthusiasm for my presence has worn off, I thought, Good.
"Stay on point," Nightmare warned, "She's a tricky one, and would have been my choice of host," Nightmare warned.
"Are you all right?" Rarity asked.
"Nightmare says she loves you more than she loves me," I said, sighed while ignoring Nightmare's screaming denials, "I thought she and I had something special." I ignored Rarity's horrified expression and continued, "I was hoping you could clarify things. Twilight has been pitching a fit about Rainbow getting serious about studying flying, and other people have mentioned it, and Mare-Do-Well. Who the heck is Mare-Do-Well?"
"I thought you were aware when you were a flower," Rarity said.
"I was aware of my surroundings," I replied, "If nopony talked about something around me, I know little about it," I said.
"Rainbow was getting insufferable with her heroism and desire to be the center of attention," Rarity said.
"But she is a hero, as are the rest of you six," I said.
"The critical word is 'insufferable'," Rarity said, "So the five of us contrived to be a bigger hero that Rainbow Dash."
I stared at Rarity in confusion. "So studying hard about your chosen employment, hobby and near obsession is 'insufferable'? So Fluttershy starting to check out books on veterinary medicine and comparative anatomy would be insufferable? I had no idea me telling you about my world's fashions would make you insufferable, I'll stop then, thank you for the warning." I started heading for the door.
Rarity avoided making a flying tackle and just used the leap to get between me and the door. "I'm sure that would never come to pass."
"But everypony is talking like that," I replied, "Rainbow is just going to the library and doing a few maneuvers in those books, without demanding everybody watch her new trick. How is that then worthy of the return of Mare-Do-Well?"
That left Rarity nonplused. I took my leave.
Journal Entry - 1A+31
Rarity taken care of. Pinkie Pie was easy: 'Have you ever seen Rainbow smile that much?' Fluttershy would go with the consensus. That left the most delicate operation.
My plan is working flawlessly! Mwah ha ha! Evil villain laughs don't translate to text property.
"So why didn't you ever talk about Mare-Do-Well around me?" I ask Applejack right after she completed a buck, and completely screws up her set up for the next. If I asked her to have sex with me in front of the entire Royal Court I doubt she'd blush that hard.
"So, ya wanna see me in spandex?" she offers and grins nervously.
"I want to know how humiliating your best friend instead of seriously talking to her is a good idea in pony psychology," I say, "Because with Rainbow actually studying, Twilight and a few others are talking about the return of Mare-Do-Well."
To her credit, Applejack looks horrified. "It was all of us, and nopony's talked to me about it," she says.
Twilight's going to get a talking to, I think, then notice Applejack's piercing look.
"I thought you weren't fond of Rainbow," she says.
"There's a difference between not liking someone including enjoying them getting justly punished for their misdeeds, and standing idle for them getting a hiding they don't deserve," I say, "If I don't want it to happen to me, I really shouldn't stand for it to happen to another."
That earns me a tight hug and shy kiss from Applejack. "We'll have a talk with Twi. Seems somepony didn't learn the real lesson."
After a pause, we return to work.
The afternoon was a bit more acrimonious as Twilight was confronted by Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy about letting Rainbow be. Ironically, Rainbow came by during this time and thanked me, then Big Mac, for the advice and her new found learning.
Thank God for dense ponies, she'd never heard an inkling of the whisper campaign against her.
Until Discord brought it up in front of Rainbow, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. Draconequus versus furious reality warper. Even Spike didn't want to intervene in that one. Rainbow trying to play peacemaker was like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, theoretically possible, if you create a big enough explosion.
"So, you want more popcorn?" Spike asked as Pinkie hit Discord with a squeaky hammer.
"Nope. Cider?" Big Mac asked as Discord fired a beehive at Pinkie, who swallowed it and spit all the bees back, stingers first, at Discord making noises like a machinegun.
"Thanks," Spike said as I refilled his cup.
"Figure this will go the distance?" I asked.
"Naw, TKO by round three," Spike said as he munched popcorn.
"TKO?" I asked, "By whom?"
"That I don't know," Spike said as Pinkie set Discord on fire by yelling at him.
"Any cake?" Princess Celestia asked as Discord covered himself in fire-fighting foam.
"Sorry," Big Mac said.
"INCOMING!" Spike shouted, but Celestia caught the cake on her horn.
"Ice cream cake!" Celestia said, and stared at it, "Ah, little help here?"
"Platters," I said as I caught one as part of Pinkie's ripostes, "We should be able to just unscrew it off your horn."
Journal Entry - 1A+32
Watching Discord deny responsibility for the horde of Pinkie Pies was interesting. Having the new barn collapse was not. I have to admit, segregating a couple of the first gen copies and getting them out of town before Twilight's Exterminatus was a difficult trick. Getting them out with nopony seeing me do it was the real trick.
I almost felt sorry for old Sergeant Fast Link who was holding down the station operators' jobs while those worthies helped hunt down the last Pinkie Pie clones. The top of the three stacked on each other Pinkie Pies turned her head slowly while I made sure their trench coat was secure.
The effect was of a badly-made animatronic. Considering it was literally life and death, theirs, top Pinkie Pie focused on being the best, awful, giant Pinkie Pie robot she could be.
Sergeant Fast Link sighed and looked at me again. "Look son, I don't know what's going on, but one robot doesn't need three tickets. You get one ticket with off and on privileges at each destination," he said, then glanced around, "But frankly, I'd send them to Canterlot and let their Highnesses sort it out." He tapped his nose and then dropped back into old, pensioned-off relic guise.
I have got to quit underestimating ponies, just because most of them can't find their way out of a paper bag with a map, written instructions and a pair of good scissors, that doesn't mean all of them are that stupid.
"I think that might be an idea for the future," I replied and paid for the single ticket, a sleeper so Pinkie could have privacy.
Since the train wasn't leaving for a while, I could take her on board. The sound of popping made them cringe badly enough they almost fell over. Fortunately, I caught them and supported them as they righted themselves and ducked to get on the train and they disassembled into their cabin.
"Maybe I should go back," one offered, "I'd hate to think if Twilight made a mistake and got the real Pinkie."
"Are you so eager to die?" I asked, "You're showing concern for another not you, that implies you are a person able to feel and reason."
"Pinkie Pie would feel that way too," the second said as the third folded down the over head bunk and climbed in, covering herself with the trenchcoat.
"The Apple Family's barn-raising crew might disagree," I replied, "I was only able to get the others to fix it after I made it a game and contest."
"Yeah," the first said, "I thought you didn't like me."
"You frighten me, it's not the same thing," I said, "And that isn't a capital crime, being a Pinkie Pie in Ponyville is, being the last just makes you not guilty, not safe."
The first and second nodded.
"I'll miss my friends," the third said and sat up, "Do we have time to make copies of them?"
"You want to talk to Twilight right now?" I asked, and realization hit her.
The third lays back. "Yeah, bad idea," she admitted.
The second takes hold of my sleeve. She released it and ran her fingers along the cuff. "I just wanted to be your friend," she said, "Maybe with a few benefits." She smiled weakly.
"Pinkie," I said, "My friends are generally quiet," I said, "If you never understood that, you couldn't have understood me."
She nodded and let me go.
The train pulled out, as I watched from the platform I wondered if Canterlot, Vanhoover and the Crystal Empire would survive a Pinkie Pie, or would she realize she needed to tone things down a bit for a while.
I waited until they got the rock in place to seal the entrance to the Mirror Pond before I extolled the disaster we had avoided. And to turn the screws on situational-morality pony.
"You know, now I have to wonder how many other's you've killed," I said as the rock settled into place, there seemed to be a delay while the others processed the implications, so I continued, "I mean if all they have to be is not real people to you, and ZAP back to the aether they go. No pleas of mercy accepted. No tests that they might grow into separate but similar ponies. Just they are a nuisance, so ZAP! You taught me a lesson, never be a nuisance to Twilight Sparkle. If you are, and she thinks you aren't a pony, to the cornfield with you."
The others began nervously exchanging glances.
"They were blank slates," Rarity offered.
"So are all newborns, what's your point? Okay, let's say the copy degrades slightly, so a copy is really close, but a copy of a copy is just a stereotype of that person, and a copy cubed is just a zombie with the person's strongest drives running the show," I said, "What makes the first generation copies not people when they are only a flawed duplicate of the original, but they still have the chance to learn and grow? They are already on their way to being different ponies the way even Starlight Glimmer would have to strike down. Say a half-dozen Rarity copies. Two might want to make dresses, but one or two would lack some critical memory, and realize they could become jewelers instead. Another might want to make drapes and the last tapestries. All based in the Rarity template, but different people as they flesh out their existence, filling in the hole that the imperfect copying made, or realizing they had the opportunity to explore other avenues that the original can't because of her plans and responsibilities to Ponyville, the Carousel Boutique and the brand of Rarity."
"So, dozen of them . . . " Applejack began, and couldn't finish.
"No, as I understand it, Pinkie mirrored herself, then the two mirrored, so that's two first-gen and a second-gen. Maybe the lowest copies were like brain-damaged foals in adult bodies, but those first few copies," I said and shrugged, "We'll never know, will we?"
I was tempted to say 'we can't gather that data', I thought.
"But that would reduce them from people to an unanswered question," Nightmare agreed, "A fine line between getting her intrigued, and getting her obsessed. At least she's not looking back at the Mirror Pond. I do wonder why she never investigated the place, and why neither I nor Luna knew about something like this in our backyard. I bet Celestia knows."
Speaking of obsession, I thought, Pot meet kettle.
"That's why I understand her so well," Nightmare replied haughtily.
Right, I thought where Nightmare couldn't hear.
The walk home was silent as the maudlinity/maudlinness? went through histrionics and out the other side to horrified quiet. I doubt any of them slept well, and I had Spike send a letter to Luna to be ready. I didn't hide that from Twilight.
I also mentioned it to Clear Brook, and the need for a few lessons on military ethics, especially how to treat nuisance P.O.W.s while the war is going on.
Then I got a bit of horror that there's been no major war for so long there's no Geneva Convention here. They were too barbaric before to be willing to follow it, and now they think they don't need war or anything in its penumbra. I'm going to jot down some notes and formally send it through Spike-mail to the Diarchs and Princess Cadence. There's little chance of there being a war, but if there is what's to prevent atrocities on both sides? Fear of retribution? Retribution so ferocious it's worse than the atrocity?
Journal Entry - 1A+33
When I set off a hornet's nest, I don't fuck around. Celestia came charging down to examine the Mirror Pond, and cloistered the Mane Six for several hours after she saw the effects, and understood what could be done. I sat with the duplicated guardsmare who had to be assured by the original, myself, Discord and Princess Luna that she wouldn't be arbitrarily exterminated.
Clear Brook and Balustrade worked with her to verify her memories weren't perfect, and that they could set up an alternate identity elsewhere in Equestria. A diplomatic mission to Zebrafrica was suggested, one working away from the capital where she might be mistaken for the original. The fear of being accused of being a changeling infiltrator was also raised and squelched.
Celestia seemed exhausted after she finished meeting with the Mane Six, I doubt she was happy with the easy solution her personal protege, Twilight, picked that ignored the deeper ramifications of her actions. Considering Sunset Shimmer, and Celestia herself, thinking exclusively in the short-term is a problem for all of them. That may be how you become a magical prodigy, as Mao-Tse-Pony is the same way, well was, I hope she grows up different, but the downsides are tremendous. I wonder if that explains the crab-bucket culture, the nail that sticks up really is that dangerous.
Celestia also was obviously unhappy that none of Twilight's friends called her out on it, merely going along with Twilight's plan. Celestia even specifically said, 'It's the Parasprites all over again.'
Celestia didn't You have a lot to think about Twilight, considering how well that went last time, but I don't think any of the mares was pleased with this outcome.
I suggested Celestia needed to talk, and we took the duplicate guardsmare with us.
"Is there another problem I need to know about?" Celestia asked, walking beside me and looking thoroughly beaten, "Your comments on treatment of soldiers, civilians and prisoners during wartime has got the military and the bureaucracy spun up completely and not in a fun way. Even the militaries of other nations think it's both a good idea and long overdue. Although with some who have had border skirmishes in the recent past, they are looking for a laxer set of rules."
"Well aside from your serious cuddle deficiency I was suggesting you might need to talk to me," I said, "I resented having to hear about who did what to whom from my household, because it was all aggrieved imagination. I think you actually need a sounding board or just someone to scream at who won't take it personally."
"I had plans for Twilight, and hoped she'd grow out of always taking the logical path and take the principled one. Yet here I see she hasn't changed all that much, the simple, quick solution is what she employs, despite the long-term consequences. She doesn't even consider those."
"So give her some decisions where the long-term consequences are obviously paramount, and let her work through those," I said, "I also think you aren't looking back far enough. I don't know when she got Spike, but she still hasn't thoroughly investigated his biology, culture or psychological needs. He isn't a pony in a dragon suit, he's a different species, and if she pigeon-holes him as a funny-acting pony, there's a deeper problem to address."
Celestia sighed again. "Can I take you up on that cuddle deficiency cure?" she asked.