Chapters You hear the knock upon your chamber door. It was nice after over fifty years of service to still get woken up before dawn.
Your face tenses as you slowly open your eyes. That damnable knocking keeps going.
Her Majesty Celestia, she of some fucking titles give me a break it's not even five in the morning, barges in. You roll your eyes, not even sparing her more than a second's glance as you reach out of your bed for the pills by your bedside. Heart pills, cholesterol pills, Iron and vitamins. Fibre, Calcium and the all-important breath mints.
God being old sucked.
As soon as you swallowed these pills down with some water you leaned up out of bed to look at the goddess of daylight.
Celestia rolls her eyes, having seen and heard this enough times before.
Today? Damn, what was today?
You try to push through the mental fog, try to remember what today's date even was. It's little use, as you figured it might be, so you turn to the calendar beside your bed.Oh fun .
“You always did care about protecting them from such horrors,” You say, trying to continue her conversation and ignore the thoughts that come, unbidden, when you think about today's date. You stretch, clicking your aching back as you did so.
”I care about all my subjects Anon. Even you,” She replies, her voice growing quieter on that last word.
Even I.
“So. It's just a small event, right? I didn't want anything big this...” You say cautiously.
Celestia blushes. You sigh, knowing exactly what that meant. Celestia sighs as well before opening her mouth to speak.
“Fuck Decorum. It's been years since I officially served as head of the household. It's been ten since I've ever been involved in hiring new staff,” You begin to list off. All you wanted was to stay in bed till midday, maybe share a small cake with her in the afternoon and go back to bed after that.
”It's not... You deserve a decent celebration,” She explains.
“Won't get many left I suppose,” You mumble darkly.
Celestia growls. A low thing deep within her throat. She never liked your talk of mortality.
You hold up your hands in appeasement, not really wishing to have this kind of conversation first thing in the morning.
She sighs, trotting slightly where she stands.
For a moment, you consider not going, but you don't have the strength to leave the castle to flee from your own party. And frankly, you owe her this. For more reasons than one.
You make sure she's gone, before grabbing your arm support and dragging your aching body out of bed. Stumbling into your en-suite, gripping the porcelain basin in a death grip as you catch your breath from the early morning exercise.
Wrinkles, silver hair, liver spots and a single scar from decades ago make up your haggard face. For a moment you look at what you had become. How the years had taken their toll on you, same as everyone else. But yours was a uniquely aged face. One of a kind.
It hadn't always been like this. You remember...
You stare into the mirror and touch the few silver hairs on your head. You couldn't care less, they look good on you. Dignified. Well, maybe you cared a little, but it worked for you. “Starfall. What's on the itinerary today?”
Starfall, your personal assistant, the unlucky mare a butler to a butler, looked down at her list. As you began to clean your teeth she rattled it off. ”The Grand Galloping Gala still needs its decorations picked up from Manehatten. Prince Artemis is expecting dinner with Her Majesty today. Lord Prima Noctis has a petition that must not go through or be brought before Her Majesty, but must be at least heard by her Royal household.”
You nod and grin through the toothpaste, aware of what the stuck up noble bastard wanted to suggest, and aware of what Celestia might do to him if he were to say it.
”Normal activities otherwise. Sunrise in an hour, court from dawn till midday,” Starfall explains, rolling up the rather short list with her magic. You finish cleaning your teeth and spit out, before shooting yourself a prize-winning smile. Literally prize-winning. It had won you a prize in some high society magazine last year. Mares loved the smile, and were usually a little flustered at a professional male in such a high and respected position. Well, all but one. Most assumed that was why Celestia hired you two decades ago.
You... Could not confirm that. She had been very weird about why she hired you with no servant experience and with a standing mob hit on you in Manehatten.
“And of course, Her Majesty will require a run to Ambrosia's cakeshop will she not?” You ask your assistant as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.
”Of course sir.”
You shake your head, smiling at your boss' vices. You share one last look into the mirror, checking out your slim physique that honestly took up much of your free time to maintain. If you were hired all those years for eye candy, you had to maintain it. “Am I looking acceptable today Starfall?” You ask, glancing to her from the mirror.
Your young apprentice finally looks up from her notepad, checking out your shirtless body as you smile into the mirror. ”Y... You look acceptable, sir.” She replies, the same as she did almost every day.
You chuckle, shaking your head. “Acceptable huh? We shall have to try better than that. Come on, perhaps I ought to put some clothes on?" You ask rhetorically, glancing down to confirm you were still naked. Smacking her on the rear, you leave the bathroom and make your way towards your wardrobe. It was going to be a good day.
You stare into your haggard reflection.
You had outlived them all. All your old bosses, most of your colleagues. Most of your protégés and employees.
Slowly you pulled yourself up, looked into the mirror, and wiped the blood off around your mouth. Your hollow green eyes can barely remain focused, or perhaps merely wish to save you from looking back at yourself.
You turn on the tap to wash the blood away, then get to work cleaning yourself. When at last that laborious task was done you shuffled your way towards the closet inside your room. For once you'd put on more than some sweater, shirt and pressed trousers. Like or not, today demanded a certain level of class.
And you reach for the hand... Hoof.
For some of them, it was the first time they had ever seen their nominal boss. That wasn't to say you were completely absent from the job you claimed to have, but you'd long ago passed on the day to day running of the household to your second in command. Occasionally you'd step in for disciplinary matters, or to meet old foreign ambassador friends you'd met over the years.
Indeed, to your surprise, it was one such Minotaur you were meeting now.
“Silvertouch!” You shout back, genuine glee and joy in your voice. The two of you hobble towards each other and shake hands.
Once, your meeting would've been mutual slaps on the back, maybe some thrown punches, and certainly plenty of Cactus juice to drink into the wee hours of the morning. But time had its way with us all, and your drink of choice had changed to a light camomile tea. The punches gave way to friendly hand/hoofshakes. And the wee hours now only fifteen minutes.
“How are you old thing? It's been a while,” you ask.
”Oh, fine. They're speaking of finally sending me back to Labyrinthia if you can believe that?” Silvertouch replies, chuckling at the mere suggestion of leaving this place.
“Well. You are old,” you point out hypocritically.
”So are you, Anon, but they keep you here. I swear, there's no respect for my bloodline anymore," He replies.
You roll your eyes and try to stop him before he starts to rant about being a descendant of Nergüi, the minotaur that created their modern nation a thousand years ago.
Silvertouch laughs out, before shakingly grabbing his cup of tea. Parkinsons, or some Minotaur derivative, had afflicted him. You know, and likely he did as well, that his ambassadorial career was coming to an end, whether he wished it to or not.
You sigh and shake your head, taking a sip of your own mug of tea.
”Oh, you must visit sometime!” Silvertouch exclaims.
“I don't know. I don't think I've got the will to make the trip,” You quietly admit to your old friend. Silvertouch's own expression darkens.
”It has been sapped from you. From both of us. I shall die here, that I have no doubt,” He also admits as he shakingly reaches out for a cup of his own.
“I know the feeling. A stranger in a... Once strange land,” You reply.
”I dream of it sometimes. The warm sands. Home...” He explains quietly.
“As do... It's difficult to remember that place. I am grateful for everything I was able to become here. But I cherish what little I remember of that world,” You explain. You so rarely talked of that place you can scarce remember. It was... both painful and refreshing to speak of it again.
”I suppose, at least, I shall be buried in the sands, in the tombs of my ancestors,” He says, forcing some excitement and joy into his voice, slapping himself weakly on the chest. He could, but you could not push aside the regret from your voice, or the thoughts in your mind.
“I will be here. As far from home as I've always been,” You explain, lifting your mug of tea for emphasis.
”Do not fret Anonymous. We've both lived long, fruitful lives,” He says, patting the tablecloth. Once, that would have been a punch to the shoulder. But you could no longer take those, and he could no longer give them.
You shake your head.
You cough.
Silvertouch leaps up to try and help you, but with your free hand, you stop him. After nearly a solid minute of coughing, finally, you stop.
You glance at the table. The tablecloth near you is covered in blood. Some has splattered onto the cakes you were about to eat as well, ruining them. As this damned cough always did.
“My apologies. I shall get the servants to fetch us some new...” You plead, moving to stand up and waving over the watching servant. You haven't quite the energy to stand, falling back into your chair.
”Anon... You don't look too well,” Silvertouch says quietly.Understatement of the century there.
You check your suit is clean, then wipe your mouth.
Silvertouch shakes as he places one of his hooves on your back.
You shrug.
”Anon. You need to go to a horsepital. You need to...” Silvertouch begins to command.
“I'm eighty years old Silvertouch. You and Celestia herself are all I have left in this world. I'm not like you, I don't have legions of kids and grand-kids,” You interrupt.
”That doesn't mean...”
“I'm not afraid. Not really. I've been ready for this for years. Y'know, I outlived my grandparents? I might have outlived my Parents. I don't know. Home is... so far away,” You whisper. You wipe the tear from your eye. “Way I see it, the only reason to hold on is to keep... Losing myself to the fog.”
You tap your head.
Silvertouch is silent. He keeps his hoof on your shoulder, but he's at a loss for words.
“Go on. Let's have tea together,” You command, in order to change the subject, to move past this. You wave him off, moving off his hoof from your shoulder. Slowly and cautiously he stumbles his way back down to his seat as a servant replaces your shattered teacup and fills it.
“You will keep quiet about what we discussed here, won't you? Please," You beg of her.
Your party had started. You grip the bannister of the Grand Staircase as you thank a bunch of ponies you barely remember for coming for what was essentially a free party for them. Some you did remember. Old Lords and Ladies who'd look at you with sympathy. Others were sprightly young things that remembered the last time you actually did your job properly. A number of retired Servants, Maids and Butlers that greeted you like you were their father. That showed you to their children, who looked pretty bored being here.
It still warmed your cold heart to see old friends, and their children, as bratty as they were.
Despite being a formal occasion for a butler, the rest of the household was hard at work moving between attendants, filling up glasses, passing out hors-d'oeuvres. It had been under your explicit instruction three decades ago the name was changed from Horse-d'oeurves, and you hadn't regretted that one bit.
After some red wine, some cakes and nibbles, and a brief, meandering speech thanking them all for coming, wishing them well and promising, perhaps falsely, to see them all next year, you left the party for the younger ponies. People able to stay awake. People not quietly hiding to cough into a flower pot or behind a marble pillar. People whose chests didn't hurt quite as much as yours did.
As you leave the party, you know exactly where you wish to go just before you head to... Well.
It's a grand thing, twice as tall as you are, of some explorer from two hundred years ago. You had always taken a moment out of your day to look at it, even when you came here over fifty years ago.
As you stare back into its eyes you hear the familiar sound of metal upon marble and smile softly as your employer approaches you.
“Do you remember him?” You ask as you turn to face her. You knew why you needed to know if she remembered him. You just hope she would not yet work out why you were asking.
She turns to you.
The two of you stand there, quietly, for a few moments. You take one of your hands off your cane and place your right hand against her back
”Anon... I...” She says, only to stumble on that last word.
You smile as you turn to her again, looking into her eyes. She shakes her head.
“I suppose it is," You admit, holding back your own tears. "Perhaps one day Celestia. Until next time.”
You fight the tears and the cough, holding them back from her. It'd only upset her. She had others to look after. She had the 1000th summer sun celebration. That unicorn mare of hers. All the little ponies. You were only one man.
She finally leaves after a few more seconds. Perhaps she knew what was about to happen. You were always bad at keeping secrets from her Majesty. You spare one final glance towards Farseer. How long had he lived for? Did he pass on his greatness to the next generation?
Your next coughing fit starts. Worst than usual, you collapse to the floor. You feel something snap within you. Blood drips from your maw. You desperately try to hold it back. Someone had to clean this.
You stumble to your favourite balcony in the castle. It wasn't the one attached to your room, nor the grand one beside the court. No, this was a small one at the edges of the castle.
Staring west, towards the setting sun. From here, you swore you could almost see all of Equestria. There was a cool wind blowing from the north. Another reason you liked this balcony so much. And the final reason...
There was a small bench, just ready to sit upon.
Shakingly you almost fall into it, your aching bones screaming as you do so. You try to move to sit more comfortably, and sit upright as years of etiquette training had taught you, but...
You wince as you taste the iron on your mouth. Rubbing it with your hand, your fingers are caked in blood.
You try to smile, and close your eyes as the last rays of the sun warm your face one last time. As prepared as you were for this moment, it's strange for it to finally come. You... You had been... You weren't afraid.
“This is good."
You try to open your eyes again, but your eyelids are quite heavy. Your breathing slows, and your throat constricts a little. It isn't...
You'd quite like to look towards the mare in the moon.
You awaken. And fuck, does everything fucking hurt.
You try and stand up, and nearly fall down onto the floor again.
”What the!” A woman's voice exclaims in shock. You try and turn to the voice, your eyes squinting through the pain. At best, you can make out a vague purple shape screaming at you.
”What are you!?”
What?
”You can talk?” That same voice asks.
What?
Your vision clears, and you cannot help but notice you are talking to a small purple unicorn. That... That was a tad unexpected. Of course, there's only a single way to put words to such an observation.
“Holy shit. A talking horse?”
Author's Note
Yeah, figured I'd repost this green but as prose for the One-year anniversary. You can read ahead to get spoilers if you didn't before, but if you don't know what's going on it should all become clear in the next few chapters. Hope you enjoy!
The first time is always the hardest
It feels as if you had been unconscious for hours. Your mouth was dry, your lips cracked. But when you open your eyes, all is still night. Either you had been unconscious for only a few minutes, or you had slept in the whole day.
And hear the distinctive sounds of metal smacking against stone. Feel the cold grip of steel upon your wrists. And you gulp. This... Had not usually been how you liked to wake up. Once was bad enough.Fucking Thailand.
At least this time you were still dressed.
Take in your surroundings Anon. Work out if there is a way out.
And as you do so, you realise you are in a castle of some description.
It didn't have a single crater upon its surface. No great lunar seas of any description. Just a pure orb of glowing white against a starlit sky.
Pull
Okay, that didn't work. Perhaps twist and...
Okay, your legs are free at least, you can stand up. Maybe you can somehow get the chains themselves off the wall and make a run for it. No harm in trying at least. Standing up, you turn your body and move one arm over the other so you are now facing the wall.Alright. The chain is worked through a single loop hammered into the wall, sitting about level with your solar plexus. If you can pull the loop out, you'd be at least able to walk away.
Placing one foot against the wall, and pulling the chains taut, you take a few deep breaths. This might also break your wrists, but you'd be free.1... 2... 3!
You try to step back, give yourself more length, more leverage as you pull as hard as you can. But you step upon a smooth tile. Your shoes skid against the stone, and you trip.
The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Goosebumps move across your skin. Figuring you ought to face your death when it comes, you stand up and move your arms and twist your body to be facing away from the wall again, before sitting down as if you hadn't moved.
For a brief moment, you wonder if faking still being unconscious is a good idea.Probably not.
You watch as the shadows lengthen and move. Even your own shadow stretches towards a single point in the centre of the once great hall. All of the shadow in the room reaching a pinpoint at the heart of the room, forming a single spot of complete darkness. As soon as it arrives, as soon as this point of utter darkness forms, the shadows shrink again, and the darkness fades.
To be replaced only by that nightmare horse. The one that killed Celestia. The one that surely brought you here. You struggle against the chains in vain. You don't want to die. You don't want to... Once the creature of shadow and dark forms fully, she turns her gaze towards you. She, to your horror, is not best pleased with your presence here. Despite, y'know, the fact that it was her fault that you were here.
Take a breath. You're not afraid.
And with that, you look her right in her deep blue eyes.
”That's the thing, Anonymous. I was quite sure I already had," She answers. The fury on her face has given way, at least partially, to confusion.
That was a weird response.
“And yet, here I stand," You challenge, for lack of anything else to do. To seem undaunted by this animal.
”Sit, imprisoned, only because I do not yet wish you dead. But I see your point. How are you here Anonymous?” She asks as she cocks her head, trotting slowly towards you, a quizzical look in her eyes.
“What are you talking about? I don't even know what you are, creature," You admit, more honesty and confusion than anger in your voice. She is clearly rather insulted by that. Her horn glows, and you're yanked back as some of the links attached to your manacles begin to disappear, yet you are still chained to the wall. As the chain shortens you are dragged back, until there is no way for your hands to move, and your hands are held uncomfortably over your head.
”Have the years been so unkind to you Anonymous? No... You look even younger than you did a thousand years ago," She says, staring at your face intensely, watching every errant movement, looking at every line.
Okay. She was officially mentally ill. Perhaps the whole imprisoning you and killing Celestia should have tipped you off to that.Right . A thousand years. You know that I came to this place only.. What? Two weeks ago?” You ask, mostly to yourself.
”Two weeks? No. No, even when I was here last you had been part of the Triarchy for at least twenty years," She says, trotting around you in a semi-circle, saying complete nonsense.
“Right. Okay. I am the only one of my kind in this fucking place. I have been here for two weeks. Two. Weeks!" You stress, trying to pull against your chains again, to no avail. You sigh. “If you wish to kill me...”
”Do not be so melodramatic," She replies with a scoff.
“That seems rich coming from Miss 'Teleports behind you'," You point out sarcastically, raising a single daring eyebrow to mock her. You might deserve the... kick? Whatever, punch from her.
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a bitch though.
”A thousand years ago, you told me that you would not interfere. You promised you would stay neutral between me and Celestia. Yet there you were!” She shouts, stomping her hoof on the stone beneath her, cracking it slightly.
“I cannot stress enough, creature, that I do not know who you are. I do not know what you are. I do not know what possible beef you have with Celestia," I insist firmly.
She growls. An animalistic sound that's low enough to be felt beneath your skin.
You grit your teeth. Talking in complete circles was never fun.
For a moment her horn and eyes glow. Your head hurts. Images rush by your mind's eye too fast for you to make them out. And she seems to... Relax? Falter? You are not quite sure how to describe it, but the fight has seemed to have left her.
Now you were somehow even more confused.
”You wear his skin, you have taken his eyes, but you are not him,” She explains. Well, 'explains'. Doesn't actually explain anything. You do not like that look in her eyes. And you definitely do not like the way her mane is stroking your chin. You flinch from the contact. ”So what are you? Changeling? I still saw at least some real memories in there.”
You shuffle back on the stones.
She looks you up and down, rolls her eyes and sighs. As she begins to trot away, her star-field of a tail flowing behind her, she begins to speak. ”I am the night.”
You snicker. Apparently your self-preservation instinct wasn't fully working. Her tail whips you in the face, and you wince as you feel the scar-forming on your cheek. But that's all she does as she continues to rant.
“Okay. Cool. Can I play 20 questions?” You ask drolly.
She doesn't respond, instead deciding just to stare through the collapsed roof towards the moon and stars.
“Where are we?”
”My old castle. Before I was banished," She replies.
Okay. One question is going to lead into another then.
”A single word is not a question," She says, turning to face you simply to roll her eyes.
“Why?” You ask, wryly grinning.
She turns and glares at you. You cough, hiding your grin.
“Okay. Your sister is?” You ask pointedly.
She growls again, but still only glares at you.
Whatever, next question.
“Got it. So, did you kill her?” You ask, trying to sound nonchalant about this. But you'd rather she wasn't dead. You quite liked her.
”Dead? No. She will watch as I do as I should have done a thousand years ago," She explains, almost laughing maniacally as soon as she finished. That was... Vague.
“And what is that?” You ask carefully, wearily.
She smiles.
Okay. Celestia raises the sun. Well, she also lowers it, but everyone calls her the Princess of the Sun. So this sister of her's must raise the moon. And... also be in charge of the stars?
“You do realise that will wipe out all life on this planet. Starting with the plant life, then the herbivores, until finally only the last few scavengers pick through the bones of their carcasses," You point out.
She waves that complaint off. No doubt she must've heard it before. ”You don't understand. You understood once. Back then, you realised that once I got what I wanted I would allow dawn to come when necessary," She says to herself, staring back at the full moon.
“Ignoring the whole 'I was somehow around a thousand years ago' crap, who are you to decide is enough?” You ask defiantly.
She kicks you in the face again, squarely in the right eye. You shout and scream in pain as you are unable to apply pressure to the wound, only able to try and force your eye closed. It definitely feels like a black eye. You're quiet for a few seconds as you work through the pain. Eventually, after about a minute, you gather the will to speak again.
”Here? In this castle? Or here, in this world?”
“Either would be nice,” You reply semi-sarcastically.
She huffs and turns away from you, to return to glaring up at the moon, as if it might help her answer the question.
Enough of this.
”I was there. Not like you, imposter. Anonymous, the real one, was one of the Three Triarchs of the New Minotaur Kingdom, Labyrinthia," She explains.
“Right. And the Minotaurs would conveniently forget all about this human being. You know I've actually talked to the Minotaur ambassador at Canterlot, right? You know he gloats all the time from descending from one of those three guys. And you know, he never mentioned that a human was one of them," You spit out, glaring into her dark blue eyes.
”I have been gone for... A thousand years,” She says slowly, as if realising something. The nightmare horse of shadows and night trotted away briefly for a second, turning away from both you and the moon, her head lowered. She shook her head and mane before turning her wroth to you. ”A thousand years! Historians have never been the most accurate!”
“It'd be hard to miss a detail like that...” You point out drolly.
The Nightmare horse grits her teeth. Then smiles.
You oversee the fire. Documents are thrown in haphazardly, quickly. Everything you and your country had done while you had been Ambassador, every receipt and every bribe had to go, and quickly. You had not been officially recalled from diplomatic service by your brothers, but you'd figure if they were going to execute you they would have done it years ago.
You hear the sound of metal against stone outside. You could guess who. You turn to one of your aides, the minotauraus Tuslagch.
“Keep going. I'll stop her," You order, pointing out to the enormous pile of documents that still had to be destroyed, less you incriminate yourself and your kingdom.
You turn and make your way to the door of the embassy moments before the wroth mare of the moon barges in. You open it a crack and speak.
”Then might you come outside, so that we might talk without the door in the way?” She asks. She's trying to sound angry, but you can hear the desperation in her voice beneath that anger. You sigh to yourself, running a hand down your face. Fuck it, you could never say no to her.
You leave the apparent safety of the embassy and step into the cool Everfree air. The plaza is completely deserted. Most of the other nations had withdrawn their ambassadors days ago, when it became apparent the two sisters could not be reconciled.
You still had to officially wait for a command from your brothers, who were thousands of miles away. Letters, it seemed, took time to arrive.
”I need your help," She says simply. The use of I shook you, as you knew Luna to never use that.
“Officially, the nation of Labyrinthia has declared strict neutrality on all matters. We have...” You begin to explain, hoping to hide behind diplomatic procedure and push the blame on your brothers, even if it had been you yourself that had decided foreign policy like that.
”We did not ask for your nation's help. We asked for yours," She pleads. That makes you pause, makes you halt your pre-planned speech.
“Luna. This is folly. Come to your senses. Please," You quietly beg, kneeling down slightly to look her in the eyes.
”Folly! They don't...” She begins to say, gritting her teeth and almost spits out whatever words she was holding back.
“Luna. For god's sake, just talk it out with your sister. She'd understand."
”We've done enough grovelling to her. No more!” She shouts, stomping her hoof down again, cracking the stone beneath her. You shake your head.
“Look. Luna. I get it. Well, I don't entirely. I like my adoptive brothers. I also know I'll never be as well known as them. They get to, you know, rule, while I am stuck here. But that isn't the point...” You trail off.Oh shit. Some fucking diplomat you were.
“Right. The point is... Take your fucking lumps? No that doesn't sound right," You grumble.
”If you help us, Anonymous, we shall install you as sole ruler of Labyrinthia. We shall end your 'not exile'. You shall rule as you are supposed to," Luna offers bluntly, her voice lowering so that only you could hear her if anyone else was listening in through the door.
Oh fuck.
You could rule a nation. You could be called the fucking king...
No.
“No," You say hesitantly, before rolling your shoulders and repeating more that more firmly. "No."
”No!” She shouts, shocked. She does not sound best pleased.
“No. I don't... There's no point. Not for me. And look, maybe things are bad now. But if you...” You begin to explain.
”If not us, will you support Celestia?” She asks pointedly, searching your face for the answer.
That... Was a dangerous question.
“Absolutely not. Complete neutrality from us," You promise, placing a hand over your heart.
”And you yourself? You will stay out of this?” She asks, the slightest hint of dread beneath her anger.
The question confuses you. What difference was there between the two?
You have decided to intervene in a battle between two god-like beings fighting for control of not just the most powerful nation on the planet, but also the fate of all life on the planet.
In short, you were a suicidal moron. But a moron who figured his chances of death in battle was still lower than certain death by starvation. It only took a few days for you to change your mind. Well, days wasn't technically the right word, as the sun hadn't risen in four days. And there were no signs that was going to change anytime soon. If it did not... Well, you read about Nuclear winter. It wasn't going to go very well for everyone.
Celestia, annoyingly, wasn't here yet. She still had to get the elements ready. So that left you, standing atop the highest point of the castle, because of drama apparently, trying to talk down a mad goddess before her sister arrived to kick her ass.
The night's sky was fractured. Completely alien. Strange nebulas, twin moons, black holes and pulsating stars appeared for a moment only to fade into dust the next. You were pretty sure all this solar activity was definitely going to give you cancer, but you could worry about that if you managed to get off this roof alive.
You spot the mad goddess of the night. She looks completely different from her normal self. Shadows form around her, she's wearing heavy armour, and her mane is somehow even more ethereal. You grip onto the nearest spire for dear fucking life.~
“Hi, Luna!” You shout, trying to sound casual. As stupid an opening line as that was to a pissed-off goddess of night, it did work in drawing her attention.
Hey is her horn glowing?
You collapse, your knees giving way as a bolt of light passes through your abdomen.
Huh. Can't feel your legs.
Can smell burning though. That's... Probably not a good sign.
Don't look down... Don't look down...
You look down. There's a small hole in your shirt, right in the centre of your stomach. Smoke and steam rise from around the hole. You watch your own chest in morbid fascination as Luna begins to speak.
”Anonymous? I thought you were... Never mind,” She says, shaking her head. She returns her mad glare to the sky, towards the chaos of the heavens above. You're pretty sure you just saw a gamma-ray burst up there. It would be pretty if it weren't so terrifying.
You cough and splutter as you fall further down the spire, slumping against it. You fists involuntarily clench, your heart thumping in your chest, each beat feeling as if it would crack a rib. But despite all that, despite the pain, you still had something you needed to say. Something you needed to do. For the sake of all life on the planet.
“Can we talk?” You ask, coughing blood just after on your shirt. You want to talk, even as bad as it hurts.
”What is there to say Anonymous? Celestia has fled. I will finally get the recognition and worship I deserve," Luna explains, still refusing to look at you, still staring up at the night's sky above.
“Okay, then what? Will you condemn us all to die?” You ask firmly as you shuffle up the spire you were leaning against, holding a hand against the gaping chest wound. It felt... Horribly warm.
She tears her fury from the sky to you once more and trots towards you. Her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes glowing with shadowed intent. ”When all have accepted me, then I shall allow there to be dawn. We shall hold out for as long as that takes," She explains.
You groan as you keep trying to shuffle up the spire you're leaning against, but it's difficult without working legs. Also, you can taste iron in your mouth. That's not a good sign.
“Rule by fear. Worse. By hatred. That'll go well," You mumble sardonically beneath your breath. You grit your teeth as a calm wind flows through you. The experience is entirely unpleasant and confirms your worst fears about your injury.
A wry smile plays upon your lips. Nothing left other than to stop this madness. You owed your brothers that much.
”You dare speak to me this way! I am a goddess! We control the heavens! All of creation is mine to command!” She shouts, baring her fangs at you.
“Then keep doing this. Become the monster they think you are. Prove them right, Nightmare Moon," You mock.
”You wouldn't understand. You're alone in this world by design. You are supposed to be alone Anonymous! You will never have companionship or love, so you have learnt to live without it! Ignored what you will never hold!" She roars as tears stream down her face. ”You are a spiteful, ill-made creature that doesn't belong here. You cannot comprehend that some of us need to be recognised for what they have done for others!”
“You call me spiteful? I'm not the one holding a sword against the throat of the entire world trying to make them love me. Bitter at them because they won't worship me. I am what I am, nothing..." You cough and splutter, covering your shirt in blood. A tear forms in your right eye and drops down your cheek as you look back up. Your face feels cold. "I cannot demand love. And neither can you. And they will never love you for this."
You gesture to your immobile body, to the hole in your chest you do not want to see.
"What else must I do to earn it?" Nightmare Moon shouts angrily, but you can hear the pain beneath her anger. The genuine question she is asking. "How much must I do? What must I give of myself to get even a sliver of the respect and admiration Celestia, or even you get? If creating the night's sky, and walking in their dreams is not enough... Then I must take it. I deserve that much."
"And how many shall you kill to get it?" You ask.
"None, if they shall..." She glances at the hole in your chest, at your blood-stained shirt, and actually pauses for a second. For the briefest moment, regret and realisation pass across her face. But it disappears as soon as it came. "As many as it takes to earn what is mine by right."
And there, you realise, that she is too far gone. Whatever creature of resentment and hatred had gripped her heart was in control now. And you could not talk her down from this. Nobody could.
"I'm sorry, Luna," You whisper as you shiver against the spire, your face paling as you rapidly lose blood.
"You're sorry?" She asks, confused. "That it had come to this?"
"In a way. I'm..." You cough. "I'm not the only one here."
You glance behind the wroth mare, and spot the goddess of the sun, decked out in full regalia, glowing with power.
The memory begins to fade. For it is surely not your own. It's hers. You were never on that roof. Never had a hole in your chest. You were never...
Your vision widens again.Not Anonymous.
You try to formulate the words to describe this sensation. Not quite a memory, not quite a dream. But your mouth moves without your consent.
Celestia moves towards you, her resolve and anger broken after banishing her sister.
You, without meaning to, look up. The maddening field of stars and stellar phenomena faded to a normal night's sky. The only change was the moon. You cannot help but noticed the crater seas upon it, in the shape of a horse's head.
”What have I done?” Celestia asks. The question is silent, but you can still hear it all the same. You try to stand, try to reach out to comfort the divine leader of a nation you were not and never would be a part of.
But you cannot.
“I.. Sorry. I'm afraid to look. Can you help me a second?” You ask, forcing a smile on your face that you cannot hold there for long. That seems to break Celestia out of her moment, and she trots over to you. She lifts up your shirt with her teeth and immediately drops it with a gasp.
“Not good?” You ask, already well aware of the answer.
”Anon...” She says simply, confirming the worst. You laugh bitterly to yourself.
“Well. There's a first time for everything right? Sort of deserve it I think," You admit. You cough. “I should have done more.”
”I should have done more. Anon. I can't...” Celestia says, tears forming in her eyes.
“Don't worry about it. I knew what I was getting in for when I offered to distract her," You try to say with a shrug, but you can't move your hand away from your chest. You sigh.You weren't afraid.
”A thousand years," Celestia replies, looking towards the moon for a brief second before looking back to you. You laugh to yourself, which only agitates your burns, and widens the hole in your chest. You can feel liquid drip onto your nice shirt.
“Well, there's no way I'd have been around for her to still be mad about that," You joke, wincing just after as another jolt of pain hits you.
Celestia honestly tries to crack a smile on her face. She wasn't very good at it.
“That was the earliest? I...” You throw up in your mouth a little.It's time.
”It'll get there," She promises, smiling with her mouth, but her eyes show the truth.
You smile weakly in return.
She nods and turns away.
Okay, Anon. It's no big deal. It was going to happen at some point. You knew that. You've always known that. You hoped you'd be back home, surrounded by your family. But you don't always get your way. Maybe you'll see them soon.
You turn to the east, towards the hills and the high mountain. Then turn up slightly. You try to smile and close your eyes as the first rays of the sun warm your face one last time. You can feel your definitions fading. You're losing your grip on yourself. You open your eyes. And admit something, quietly, to the wind and silence.
You shiver as the sun rises. You shiver for as long as you can, shaking there on the roof, trying to stay here. But your eyelids are heavy. Your muscles are weak. And slowly... You let go.
Author's Note
Now that should raise a whole bunch of questions, lel. Don't worry, it's all explained soon. Cya later folks.
Who are you? What do you want?
And somewhere, in that darkness, you claw your way back, though death, eternity and time, flinching as you snap awake. Desperately, you try to reach for your abdomen, try and confirm it was still whole, but the chains around your wrists are far too short.
When you are unable to reach it, you take a few sharp breaths. Air enters your lungs without discomfort or difficulty, and you relax a little, slumping down and releasing your tension. Glancing upwards, towards the hole in the roof of the castle. The very roof that you... Imagined you had just died upon.
Imagined? It had felt so real. It was no dream. Or at least, no normal dream. More akin to the ones you had been having since you had arrived in this strange land. But more lucid. More real. More tangible.
A memory? A memory that wasn't yours, and yet was?
Your temple hurts again. You try and sit up, just so your hands can reach your temple, but that is a painful manoeuvre to try, twisting your wrists in an unnatural way as you do so.
A voice breaks the silence and your desperate attempts to move.
Nightmare Moon appears from the shadows and begins to trot towards you, looming over your chained form.
Do I see?
”Do you remember? What foul trickery you...”
“If that was me, I remember you blasting a hole in my chest. You can hardly blame me for what happened after that," You spit out, full of anger, glaring at the mad goddess again.
She smiles. A foul thing, teeth and malice both on display. She leans closer to you, and for a terrible moment, you fear she will take a chunk out of your face.
You grit your teeth.
For a moment confusion flashes across her face, but it passes soon enough.
“Yeah. But how the hell was I? An older me, but...” You consider the possibilities, mainly to try and ignore the insane horse with nearly every reason to kill you.Time Travel? Maybe that was future you?
No. You felt his memories. He had the same as yours before you arrived here, but he did not remember meeting Celestia, at least in the same way. He didn't remember arriving in Twilight's study. He did remember this moment.
He remembered... And you did a little, appearing in the middle of a desert and being taken captive by some Minotaurs, before becoming so invaluable to the dying chief of that tribe he was adopted. That was not you.
”It doesn't matter. You are him, deny it as you might!" Nightmare shouts.
You're dragged out of your head-space by those words.
Nightmare Moon roared with laughter, before snarling. ”Hardly. That didn't work last time, did it? No. You will watch the eternal night. There will be no abating this time. That had been my folly. I tried to compromise, but you and the foul Sun imprisoned me for a millennia. So there will be no sunrise.”
Okay. That might be a problem.
“I feel like I've said this before Nightmare Moon. But you will wipe out all life on the planet should you do that," You point out.
"I don't care. You were right. I cannot hold a sword against the throat of the world and demand they love me. They shall never love me. They might fear me, but I can get that easily, and fear is a bitter wine to drink," She explained, trotting around, facing up to look through the same hole in the ceiling you had been looking up at earlier.
"You don't have to do this, Nightmare Moon. You're right, you can't threaten them to love you. But if you stop, return Celestia, end this night... They might forgive you," You plead.
She ignores you, content to simply watch the moon from this empty, ruined castle. You sigh and try one last time to free yourself from these chains.
“You know. That... Let's call him another version of me, not that either of us agree that's the case...” You start to say. The Nightmare horse turns to you, confusion etched on her face.
”Are you getting to a point, or do you simply enjoy the sound of your own voice?” She asks sarcastically.
“Little of Column A, little of Column B. Fine, let me start over,” You cough and collect yourself.
She shakes her head.
You titter, but sit up straighter. You square your shoulders and speak again.
She turns back to glare at you, full of anger and loathing at your very existence.
You shake your head, and sit up straighter.
She grows angrier, trotting towards you. Away from the moonbeams streaming through the ancient ruined ceiling of the great hall. ”We are the last light! We will make Celestia pay for what she did to us! What you did to us!”
You move to stand, ignoring the fury burning on a mad goddesses face and instead focusing on getting back onto your feet. And finally, with your wrists still chained behind your back, you stand eye to eye with a goddess that might destroy you with a thought.
Her ethereal mane flows behind her, her teeth bared. Her eyes boring into your own.
“I am Anonymous. I want to go home. I don't want to be in this place. My head hurts, I can't sleep, I can't remember... Things. But I just want to go back. More than anything else. There. What about you, Luna?”
”I...”
And then you hear a door open far behind her. The great doors of the hall slam open. The moment is gone, and Nightmare Moon turns, only to kick you solidly in the chest with her back legs. You crumple to the floor, dazed and winded, coughing. Blood splatters against the stones as you do so.
You can barely focus on anything else other than the pain in your chest. Certainly not the six ponies that had arrived to challenge the mad goddess. Certainly not whatever they were blabbering about, or the pieces of stone that broke.
Then things start to get a bit strange.
Well, stranger than everything else that had happened today, which frankly was starting to get ridiculous.
Well, then their eyes started to glow. And that surely could not have been a good thing.
Wait, are they wearing what Celestia was wearing in that...
Something clicks in your head, and you make sure you aren't...
Twilight's horn glows.
Great. A fucking laser beam. Well, you knew it was coming at some point.
You know. You always thought it was going to be a fricken laser beam that would eventually kill you. It happened to that Other you, whatever his deal was. Makes sense it would be your doom too.
Well, let's see what afterlife you got then.
You notice, happily, that the pain in your ribs, around your eye and on your cheek has gone. You aren't dressed in formal white and gold, but in... Well, nothing. Makes sense I guess? Does heaven or hell have a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" policy?
God, you hope not.
Shit, better cut back on the blasphemy.
Making a promise you will in no way keep, you finally decide to take in your surroundings. To your surprise, you seem to be under a duvet...
A familiar one.
It's warm. It's cosy. It's...
You shoot up out of bed, and it was your bed. You were in the spare room of your parent's house. Blank white walls, a single window. And out of that window, snow was falling. Softly, calmly. Cautiously you make your way out of bed, towards that window, and look outside.
An oak tree stands, covered in snow. Three cars in the driveway. Your parents, and your own. The sun was low, barely there at all. And you were surrounded in a cul-de-sac. You nearly gasp in joy. You were home. Safe. Well, not your house. But your parent's at least. It was better than an ancient decaying castle in an ancient forest with none of your kind around.
Throwing on a dressing gown, you make your way carefully down the stairs.
You still don't know if this is some purgatory, or if some demon was going to jump out and start explaining your ironic hell.
But everything was the same. The landing light wasn't working. The steps creaking far too loud to be reasonable. It felt like home. Looked like home. Even smelt like it.
You manage to find yourself in the dining room, though you could not say how. Nor how you were dressed. But there they were. Your parents. A warm cooked dinner sitting on the table.
All that stuff about Ponies, and magic, and Mad goddesses and past lives. It had all been a dream. A dream that you had, inside your spare room. Surely it had been. You were here now.
You tuck into the meal, a barely a word passes between the three of you for several minutes as you eat in content silence. Until finally, your dad says something that you cannot quite make out. You turn to him.
“Sorry?” You ask, swallowing a bit of lamb as you do so.
”I said you've got to wake up Anon.”
No. Oh please no.
”You have to wake up. Wake up, and remember. Whether you like it or not," He says calmly, in a voice without a hint of emotion.
You slam your knife and fork onto the table.
Your desperation does nothing to stop their stares. Nothing to help you deny the truth.
You're not entirely sure where that came from, but in some deep, unreachable part of yourself, it was true. You felt so tired.“Please. I don't want to go back," You quietly plead.
But your pleas are met only with silence. The only noise being the ringing within your head, growing steadily louder with every passing second.
Something was wrong with you.
But they are only shadows. Only a memory of a memory.
You awaken back to pain in your ribs, a black eye, and a cut on your cheek. Sighing quietly to yourself, you shake your wrists, only to finally notice that they were in front of you, not behind, and the chain had been destroyed.
You turn your head towards the centre of the great hall once more, and just as moonlight is slowly replaced by the early dawn rays of the sun, you see a small blue... Unicorn/Pegasus. Wait. Alicorn. That was the word.
It was a tiny thing. At least compared to the only other three you...Where was Nightmare Moon? Had she been banished to the moon again? That would suck for her.
You move to stand, but your knees are weak, your arms are heavy and there is blood on your shirt already despite how early it was. Before you even have the chance to move, a certain lavender unicorn rushes you.
“No. I am fine. Mostly," You reply honestly as you struggle to stand. Quietly, you thank Twilight as she helps you to your feet. A beam of intense sunlight appears, and you are forced to look away for a second before glancing back.
Celestia has appeared, and the small Alicorn has rushed her for a hug, crying.Was that tiny thing Luna? The original, and not the Mad Nightmare?
You take a few sharp breaths as the sight before you brings on a thousand thoughts and feelings rushing through you.
Something was wrong with you. Something was going on. You were there a thousand years ago, and you were here now.
And Celestia had known. And had kept completely silent. You narrow your eyes at the Goddess of the Sun, the one you thought you liked, at least.
Just what secrets was that immortal hiding? And worse.
But you were in no state to question her now, and interrupting the two sisters hugging one another felt cruel and childish. This was their moment, their time, for now. Regardless of what was going on, regardless of what either may have done to you a thousand years ago, you respected both enough to allow them to hold eachother as sisters for the first time in over a thousand years.
And you needed to go to a hospital, in all truth.
Weeks have passed
It turns out they really were paranoid about your physical state. Something about 'Weak Male constitution' or something. Part of you thinks that it's really to keep you away from Luna, in case either of you gets tempted to kill the other.
Again, at least in her case
You are now almost certain Celestia knows about that version of yourself from a thousand years ago. Whether she knew you knew was not so certain. The tiny alicorn in the rough shape of that Princess you saw in that memory knew you knew.
Honestly, thinking along these lines hurt more than the broken ribs and a black eye. You didn't want to think ill of the woman... Mare that had given you shelter, food, a job and taken time out of busy schedule to help you in this strange world. Thinking ill of her felt like a betrayal.
You elect to keep your mind on the moment, on the here and now, other the past, whether that be a week ago or a thousand years.
Anyway, one bonus of staying in the- Sigh- Horsepital is that you have access to as many sleeping pills as you could possibly need. Sure, you couldn't self medicate, but that was pretty dangerous anyway. Better let the Vets deal with it.
Oh yeah, since you were not one of the prissy pony people, Celestia had brought in the best Veterinarians from across Equestria to look after what only needed a few weeks of sitting carefully and maybe an icepack.
Well, maybe a cast.
Anyway, there was only so much- Sigh- Horsepital food you could stomach. It had been hard enough to eat at the Castle, where you could at least eat meals for griffon diplomats, but here it was nuts, berries, veg and jelly.
As if you needed to be any skinnier.
Anyway, today your cast was being taken off. Only a few more days in this place and you'd be... Probably back to work.
Well, all good... Mediocre things must come to an end. This end was the arrival of a nurse pony carrying in her telekinetic grip a fucking nasty looking buzzsaw. ”All right Mr Anonymous. Hold your breath and try not to exhale. We don't want to cut your chest open," said the nurse, the slightest evil look in her eyes as she brought the thing towards the chest cast.
"Please be gentle, it's my first time," You anxiously whisper. She titters just as the buzzsaw starts to rev up. You hold your breath just a little bit harder. Sucking in your gut as much as possible, now thankful for the rather severe weightloss you had gone through in your hospital stay so far.
She starts to cut open the cast near your groin, and you wince until the saw is long past your abdomen. Well, it's still getting close to your head, but you take the good with the bad in life. You lean your head back and close your eyes as the Buzz-saw makes the final run up your chest. The sawing stops and the saw is held away from you, and you let out the breath you were holding.
Sitting up in the bed, you scratch your chest at long last after two weeks of having to use a sharp stick or one of the nurses.
Oh god it feels good to get at that itch
You chance a look down onto your chest.
”Will that be all?" The nurse asks in a tone you... Don't want to think overly hard on. No the slightly lowered eyelids and wry smirk on her lips.
"As good as you were, I'm not sure I want to risk that saw again," You joke, deliberately ignoring the context of the question. She chuckles. If she was annoyed or offended by your answer, she certainly didn't show it.
"Few do. It's the stallions with hip casts that you ought to be sorry for. A friend of mine once slipped with her telekinesis and..." The Nurse unicorn begins to explain in a cheery voice. You cough in surprise and raise your hand in a gesture she probably doesn't quite understand means "pls stop"
"That's, uh, terrifying. Thanks again anyway," You say, forcing a smile as you sit up slightly in the bed.
"Anytime. Well, I mean, you know that I mean 'anytime that you happen to get your chest carved open' and not 'I'm going to make that happen' I hope..." She awkwardly explains. A genuine smile grows on your face as the unicorn continues to try and backtrack and make it clear that she will not be the one injuring you.
You tell that you understand, say no hard feelings and wave to the nurse as she leaves the room. As she does so, the room seems darker without her in it. And with that darkness came the same thoughts again. What was going on? Why were you here? Who was that man a thousand years ago?
But still, you try and force yourself to go to sleep, to slip away into unconsciousness, taking a few sleeping pills to aid the process. You can only hope that your sleep shall be dreamless, as your dreams continue to get... Worse and worse.
Author's Note
Yeah, really sorry about this one. As I said in the comments, I got hit by a car a few weeks back and ended up in hospital myself for a bit, which made editing this bit really ironic. Anyway, the plot thickens, hope you enjoy. Next chapter will be out much, much sooner.
There will come soft rains
You don't sleep, you just dream.
And they are... Unpleasant dreams.
Dying over and over and over again is a foul experience, especially when it felt so real. You remember being shot by lasers; you remember being chopped apart by savages, you remember jumping off cliffs and even once or twice dying of old age. You awake at night, the rain splattering against the window in your room in that hospital, and as always, as tired as when you went to sleep.
You stand shakingly looking out into the courtyard of the -Sigh-Horsepital.
You stare into the night, towards the unblemished moon. It was so large, it was as if it had not merely risen, but swallowed the sun entirely.
The sound of a creaking door snaps you from the moment and your thoughts, and you turn towards the soft light streaming in from the hallway outside your room. In that same doorway stands her .
You can recognise her by just her silhouette. Short, but with both a wing and horn, her head looking down ever so slightly in apparent contrition, or perhaps to charge you.
“Are you here to finish the job?” You ask sarcastically, turning to offer up your chest as target practice to the Mare who, not weeks before, had imprisoned you and had, apparently, a thousand years ago successfully killed you. For once at least, you are dressed, if only in a hospital gown that seems to purposefully not cover your chest.
Luna waits in the doorway.
Of you? You weren't sure.
“Shall I take that as a no?” You ask, more bored than actually curious.
She nods her head and trots inside, closing the door behind her. Once again, the room was now only lit by the light of the moon. For nearly a minute, neither of you say a word, the tension thick enough to tear apart with your bare hands.
“I'd offer a cup of tea or something, but they were afraid I'd pour hot water down my cast,” You joke, mostly to break the silence.
”We do not need tea," She says, finally finding her voice as she moves ever so slightly closer.
“We? Should I expect more of you? I haven't seen your sister for a while, would be nice to check up on how she's..." You ramble, moving back towards the window while never taking your eyes off of her. Your tone might have been sarcastic, blase and jovial, but inside you were ever so slightly terrified of the tiny alicorn.
”We is just me,” She explains, in the moonlight you can see her huff and roll her eyes as she is forced to do so.
“Confusing.”
She stammers briefly, before continuing,
“That's an exceptionally painful way of saying that whole sentence," you point out almost childishly.
She shakes her head, her mane flowing with her.
“Time heals all wounds. It's nothing," You reply pointedly.
She doesn't want to accept that answer. You can read it just about on her moonlit face.
You sigh quietly to yourself.
”You have nothing to apologise for," she interrupts.
“Didn't I help trap you on the moon for a thousand years?” You ask somewhat sarcastically, trying to hide your own curiosity and quiet dread at the answer.
”Did you? That is why we are here,” She replies sternly, taking a few steps towards you.
This piques your interest. You move to get closer to her, wincing slightly at the raw bone in your chest. You nearly stumble to the floor, but she rushes forth and lets you use her as a something to lean on for a moment.
A genuine smile plays on your face as you scratch behind her ears and stand on your own.
“Thanks.”
She seems to shiver for a moment before continuing.
I am?
“Really?” You ask as you push up slightly and stand up straight, leaving a wobbling hand on her back for support.
She's all business now, her previous expression of contentment gone in a moment.
“That's an understatement," You mumble before speaking up, trying to be cool and collected, non-chalant about it despite your racing heartbeat. "So you're breaking me out of here?”
”Breaking out is a coltish exaggeration, Anonymous," She replies with a roll of her eyes that you cannot see in the darkness. "We shall merely be walking out.”
You shake your head and grin.
You gesture towards the door, and the diminutive alicorn nods, trotting towards it.
The two of you walk out of the...Sigh
You're leaning pretty heavily on the midnight mare, your feet shuffling against the earth, The stars shine above as you leave through the front door, onto the cobblestone streets of Canterlot.
The rain hasn't stopped though, washing your hair far better than the nurses in the horsepital did. As soothing as the soft sound of rain against stone is, you want something else to hear.
The alicorn you're leaning for support seems to shiver upon hearing that.
“Trapped within your own head?" You ask. "Are you saying that Nightmare Moon wasn't you?”
”I..." She shakes her head. "We... We were consumed by hatred. By envy.”
“But it was you. It was you that did those things,” You retort carefully, not angrily, but firmly nonetheless.
”No," She states even more firmly. "It was Nightmare Moon.”
“Who is you. Like or not, it was you that tried to bring about Eternal night," You insist.
”Celestia told me, once we came back, that we were possessed by some malevolent presence. While some of its initial actions may have been our fault, it was the beast that took it too far," She replies almost offhandedly. As if her being a malevolent goddess wanting eternal night was merely a slipup, like hitting on a friend's girlfriend while drunk.
You shake your head, thoroughly unconvinced by her, and Celestia's, explanation.
The two of you continue the long walk towards the castle in near silence. The guards at the gate take one look at the two of you and allow you to pass, to enter the great castle.
”It's about as difficult as it must surely be for thee,” She points out.
“Hmm...”
The two of you slowly climb the grand staircase.
You sigh and shake your head.
”That it is," She says, before It's her turn to sigh. ”Come on then. We hope you can sleep at the foot of a bed.”
“I don't...”
”Don't start," She interrupts with a glare, before nodding to the right of grand staircase.
You shake your head in quiet bemusement and grin as you allow yourself to be dragged through the castle.
”We would imagine congratulations on securing a new mate," She replies drolly with a nonchalant shrug. "Don't get any ideas, I prefer my colts with a fair bit more fur than you.”
Your eyes bulge out, and you try desperately to appear nonchalant.
"Yes, I can see your legs," She replies with an almost grin.
Eventually the two of you come across a navy blue door with a moon painted upon it. ”The interior decorators of this castle are fast," She says, gesturing the moon themed wallpaper, furniture and general Feng Shui.
“Yeah, they are. I had a room my size ready for me day one,” You reply offhandedly. She looks at your confused for a moment as you stretch and stop leaning on her, stumbling slightly to your full height. “So. We both want to know how exactly I was there a thousand years ago. How are we to find out?”
You sit down on a chair that is a few sizes too small for you as the alicorn shakes her head clear and readies herself to jump into bed.
”Celestia knows. We both know that. She will not tell either of us, however. She will see thee tomorrow no doubt, and when she is distracted by your presence and return, we will sneak into her room and try and find anything she has written down on the matter.”
“We both will? I can't be in two places at once?” You tease.
She scrunches her nose.
“It's certainly more clear. But surely anything she has written on that Other me is a thousand years old and even the paper it is written on has decayed to dust. I doubt she is keeping that lying around," You point out.
”That isn't what we are looking for. No doubt your return here and now, after a thousand years, has brought up memories for her. Her current diary or journal should suffice. If she is honest with herself,” She explains, mumbling that last part.
“If she's anything like thou, perhaps we shouldn't hold our breath. And I meant we. Plural.”
”Are thee still annoyed we kicked you? We apologised," She whines.
“You also paralysed and killed me. Future me? Other me? I don't know," You grunt, angrier than you expected.
”Well. As you said Anonymous. That wasn't you.”
“And as you said. None of that was you. Apparently.”
”There we go,” She whispers.
You raise a crooked eyebrow.
Groaning, you lean back into the small chair, clicking your back as you did so. And you prepare for another night of uncomfortable, dream-filled sleep.
You can barely keep your eyes opened as you sip carefully on camomile tea and nibble on biscuits. Dark rings stay beneath your eyes, and occasionally you have to shake your head to stay awake. For the first time someone else had to dress you, the castle staff now aware you were back, and Celestia eager to catch up for tea in her personal tea room.
”I'm sorry I didn't visit you in horsepital Anonymous. I was quite busy with Luna. But I kept up with your condition,” She explains, offering a look of apology. "I am glad to hear you have recovered well, and see it in the flesh." She nods to your chest, covered in a fine white waistcoat as opposed to your hospital gown.
You shake yourself out of your thoughts and smile softly.
She flinches ever so slightly with those last words, and your eyes narrow slightly in suspicion.
Celestia raises an eyebrow at you.
Far from pleasant, her tone was almost accusatory. Almost jealous, of all things. This didn't quite sit well with you.
Celestia nods to herself and levitates a small slice of coffee cake, and begins to nibble on it.It was almost cute, but you weren't to be distracted. If Luna was getting information by thievery, you shall by interrogation.
Questioning.
You cough to clear your throat and shoot the goddess of the Sun a hopefully charming look, just after scratching the bruise on your chest beneath your shirt and waistcoat.
Celestia gulps, but smiles softly, turning to stare you right in the eyes.
Nice cover.
“Oh. No doubt.,” You say, gesturing with a slice of devil's food cake before taking a bite of it. It's good stuff. If you weren't dead tired and intensely focused on this conversation you might have said so out loud.You hold up your hand to cover your mouth and begin to speak.
Celestia glances to her left and right, her expression worried before she sits up slightly straighter and smiles. ”That is strange. Maybe it was watching you from the Moon?”
You smile slightly. An unpleasant smile, which you quickly remove.
Celestia leans forwards and keeps that soft smile on her face, even as you slightly furrow your brow. She lifts her two front hooves up, placing her... Elbows? Whatever, placing her knees on the table.
She pauses. She almost laughs to herself, a sad bitter laugh of some ancient pain. She looks up into your eyes, and as green meets violet, you can read her. There's a certain... Dread in her expression. But also... She wants to speak. Has something she desperately wants to say. "There was a Minotaur back then.”
Now we are getting somewhere.
“A Minotaur?” You ask, trying to sound genuinely confused, but leaning forwards slightly and carefully placing the cake down to listen to her.
”Yes. He was one of the three joint Kings of Labyrinthia, but due to some problems with the inheritance he found himself the ambassador to Equestria at the time," She replies.
“Did he? Well. What did he do?”
Celestia swallows.
You pick up and eat another bit of cake to hide your grin.
Celestia, surprisingly, doesn't leap at the chance to stop the conversation to tell you off for talking with your mouth full and actually answers the question.
”He... Died. I didn't notice at first. I should have done more. Should have gotten him to a healer. I thought... He asked me to raise the sun. I thought simply because he wanted to see it again. But I know it was so I wouldn't watch him die. Shaking. Cold..." She pauses and looks down. "Alone."
She sounds close to genuine tears, and all thought of grilling the Princess for the truth leaves you as you drop the cake, stand up and move to kneel beside her, patting the Alicorn on the back.
”Thousands of miles from home. He shouldn't have even been there. I could have done it myself," She quietly whispers.
You rub her mane, unable to speak as she pours her heart out to you.
”I heard his last words, even though he tried to hide them," She sniffles. "He said he was afraid. I never forgave myself for putting you there.”
Your eyes bulge as you hear those last words. As Celestia begins to cry softly, your mind repeats those words over and over again. Putting you there. She doesn't seem to have noticed she said that.
Will she break and admit Anonymous?
"Nergüi. Nergüi the clever they call him now.”
No. She won't.
Had she manipulated historical records to make sure your name was never recorded? That the fact you were no Minotaur, but a man, would never be known?
“And Luna... Nightmare Moon, sorry, thought this Minotaur was me?” You ask.
Celestia looks up. Her eyes are ever so slightly bloodshot. She sniffles after taking a good look at your face.
Strangely, you get the sense she is telling the truth. You sit back down opposite her after a final pat and rub on the back.
Celestia looks torn, wanting to say one thing but forced to say another. You can see the regal mask she wears for her subjects crumbling, but she's desperately trying to hold it together.
You smile wryly, then wince and sigh to yourself.
Stop right there. Do not say 'I could only hope for that kind of death' you fucking moron.
Celestia looks up at you, desperately. Perhaps hopefully.
Fuck it. Speech.
“We're all afraid, you know? Constantly. Every moment of our lives we live in fear of the end. Some can ignore it. For others, it's constant. But in that last moment... There's an unmistakable relief," You explain. You're not quite sure where this is coming from, but you can hardly stop now. “That you've done all you can on this earth. That it's up to others to carry the burden of life and legacy now. That at last, and for the very first time, you are free. And you can just... Let go.”
You place your elbow upon the table and hold your hand up to gesture.
You reach over and take her hoof into your hand, rubbing it to console her.
For a moment, neither of you say anything.
And you can see, in her expression. Something broke.
”Thank you, Anon.”
It took nearly three hours to get back to Luna's room. Once the floodgates opened Celestia wanted to talk about the people she had lost over the years. Brightsmile, Farseer, Nergüi, so many others you can barely remember. But at last, duty called for the Monarch, and she had to go and be that monarch.
You opened the dark blue door, and sure enough, sitting there on the bed, reading from a book, was the Princess of the Night and Moon.
“Successful raid?” You ask.
She snaps to you, and drags you in by her telekinesis, also shutting the door behind you.
You smile, barely noticing how she referred to herself.
Luna cautiously and slowly shakes her head no.
“Well? Are you just reading her personal thoughts for the thrill of it?” You ask, a little annoyed if that were the case.
”Anon... What do you know of Brightsmile?” She asks carefully, studying your expression.
The question confuses you.
Luna levitates the journal that was previously sat upon her bed.
That wasn't ominous at all. You don't take the book from her magic grip just yet.
“I need to know what I am in for before I take that. If this is...”
She interrupts you.
You do not quite understand, nor like, why she said Brightsmile's name like that. But you gingerly take the book from her.
She looks away from you for a moment, chewing on what to say, before turning back to face you.
None of this was helping you abate the fear this private journal was causing you.
Luna shakes her head.
You do not want to be chained up on a wall again. Not by her again.
The Princess of the night did not respond. Merely looking at you sympathetically. The fact that you were getting that look from a mare that had spent one thousand years conscious on the Moon unable to move was unnerving.
You carefully limp out of the room, book beneath your shirt to hide it from any guards, and made your way back to your own room to read it. For good or ill.
You settle into your room, the rain picking up outside. For the last two hours, you had been pacing back and forth, trying to gather the strength to read a simple book.
You tell yourself this is because you know you are breaching someone else's privacy. That your worry is born of the fact you might betray someone's trust.
But you know yourself a bit better than that, at least. You're afraid. Afraid of what the book might entail.
And you begin.
The word of Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, Regent of the Moon, Monarch of Equestria.
Today's date is June the First, 1000 PLB
Shining Armor noticed Brightsmile coughing intensely today. While the Stallion merely waved it off, I need to know. He's getting on in years, and... Well, this is the longest time that Brightsmile has ever lived for, at least as far as you know.
3rd June
5th June
15th June
Speaking of duty, Sunspot spoke up again today. She wants the right to the title of Head of household. Not just the pay, the responsibilities and being the de-facto head anyway.
You can understand her view though. Brightsmile has not left his room for several days now. From those bringing him food, you do know he is at least getting out of bed and washing himself, but he will apparently spend hours staring across Equestria from that balcony in his room.
21st of June
The word of Princess Celestia, Princess of the Sun, regent of the Moon, Monarch of Equestria.
I miss him.
I already do.
I shall doubt I will see Anon for a long time. He appeared in Manehatten fifty years ago. He could be anywhere in the wide world now, and while I desperately wish to find him, I have my damned duties. I have to wear this damned crown, I have to rule these...
I should not write angry. It is not good for either of us, is it diary?
Oh. I seemed to have dropped some water on you. Sorry.
My last words to him were “I suppose it's too late for that.”
I should have told him I... That I...
His funeral is next week. But we bury a stranger, not Anon.
July 7th
I saw him. It was strange, as it always has been, to see him so young again. Though this has been the greatest difference. Eighty years old Anon and Twenty three. He looks... Confused.
Good, but confused. He mentioned that he fears, or perhaps hopes, this is merely a hallucination.
...I will not tell him the truth. It has only gone wrong in the past for him. The Beast in the Long Grass is proof enough of that. But there are greater worries. Luna will come back to me soon. Soon I shall have my Sister back.
But she may well remember Anon. After all, her last conversation on this earth was with him.
There is a great melancholy around him. A sadness. Hopefully, he shall get over it, as he has before.
Well. Perhaps we can be friends again.
Your hands shake as you close the diary and hold it close to your chest in a death grip. For a few moments, you sit there in complete silence, unable to move, unable to talk. Even to blink.
The rains from yesterday have returned, you blankly notice as you look out of the window of your room, onto the balcony outside.
Brightsmile's room.
You realise that now. You had been given back your own room.
What foul...Breathe. Breathe.
You have only just discovered you have been trapped in this place for a thousand years, doomed to die over and over again, to be forgotten by almost everyone. To have all your accomplishments and failings pushed onto someone else.
Why would you be having a panic attack from that? Why would that piercing sound be ringing in your ear? Why are you crying? Why is your heart beating so fast? Just stop. Throw yourself out and...
No.
You take a deep breathe, centre yourself and try and collect your thoughts, take your mind away from the dark path it was treading down.
Someone who only happened to look, act and feel like you.
Sending her to the Moon.
Yes. That must be it.
But to know for sure, you have to learn from the Horse's mouth. As a bolt of lightning splits the sky outside, you stand. Diary in hand.
You run a hand through your hair, steel yourself for the conversation you were going to have with the God Queen of this country, with the woman who knows the answer, the truth, to perhaps your existence.
With that existentially terrifying thought in mind, you stand up, straighten your clothes, and leave your room.
Author's Note
So much for earlier chapters. Caught Covid, so that was fun. But I'm back. Got the last part of Part 1 next, which is going through a pretty big rewrite, then we're onto part 2. Can't wait. Thanks for favouriting this fic while I was ill, it inspired me to pick it up and get back to it.
As dusk begins to die outside and give way to the dark, you march through the white marble halls of the castle. Thoughts rush through your head as you pass ancient paintings. You glare at the one of that explorer Farseer, and his green piercing eyes follow you across the room. Then came Brightsmile's portrait;
It was a small thing. Brand new. From your limited understanding of these creatures, the Stallion in it was in his forties or fifties. He had a few grey hairs on his temples and fringe.
Looking back at identical eyes.
You shake your head clear. Pure coincidence. Lies. All of it was surely a grand lie. But the whispers in your mind tell you, you have to be sure. You have to be certain. To stop and return to blissful ignorance was gone now. For good or ill, you had to know the truth of the matter.
The two guards look at one another, then back to you.
“There are no ponies like me," You growl. "Only me. Let me pass."
You stare at the two of them, and they don't make any motion they intend to move aside. Your blood runs cold for a moment, and almost to your own surprise to raise your fists. They move into a combative stance, the unicorn on the right lowering his horn while the Pegasis unfurls her wings.
You push your foot ever so slightly forwards, ready to fight when Celestia's silken voice comes through the door, interrupting you and the guards.
You take a breath, sigh, and lower your fists before tightening your grip on the diary inside your waistcoat. As the guards stand aside and let you pass, still glaring at you, you make your way within the throne room.
You don't flinch as the doors slam shut behind you and simply keep walking the long distance from that great entrance all the way towards the Princess of the Sun, sitting upon her golden throne. In her eyes is confusion, despite letting you come through. But also pity.
Damn her pity.
You reach into your waistcoat and pull out her diary from within its confines. Her violet eyes fall upon it even from this great distance and fear and trepidation gather on her face. “Do you mind telling me a little more about Brightsmile? Or perhaps Nergúi? Or even whatever The Beast in the Long Grass might be?”
You cannot keep the anger and pain from your voice. Cannot keep the fear from it either.
”Anon. I...” She says as you keep marching forward, trying to look conciliatory as she rises off the throne.
“Don't. I don't want to be consoled, I don't want metaphors or silken words. I want the truth," I demand. "Why am I here!"
She looks into your eyes. Pleading with you not to ask. Perhaps pleading for you to forget all of this. And to your sorrow, you wish you could. But you were never going to get your wish.
“What is happening? Who is Brightsmile! Who is Nergüi! Who died on the roof at that castle one thousand years ago! Who did you bury on the day I arrived here!" You shout, your fists clenching around the diary in your hand, the knuckles turning bone white. A tear forms at the edge of your right eye. "Why am I here? Cosmically?”
You begin to break down. Begin to hyperventilate as she merely sits there and watches you.
Breathe Breathe. Collect yourself.
You steel yourself as you make the final few steps towards her, standing at the bottom of the steps leading to her raised throne upon the dais. She looks at you, unblinking, unshakingly. Just stares in dejection. You can barely bring your voice above a whisper.
“Answer me.”
She smiles, a sad, tired smile of regret and acceptance both. The Princess of the Sun finally begins to move off her throne and trot towards you, her metal horseshoes echoing throughout the empty hallway.
“I... Nightmare Moon made me remember Nurgúi's death. And the dreams haven't exactly helped in that regard. The book just confirmed what I quietly feared,” You explain. You look down dejectedly at your feet against the polished white marble, sighing before looking back up into her own tearful violet eyes as another thunderbolt splits the sky. "Mayhaps what I always knew."
"Would it surprise you to know this is not the first time we've had this conversation?” She asks, attempting to sound jovial, but you can hear her voice cracking beneath the surface.
And there it is. Confirmation that this was all true. This wasn't some ploy of Luna/Nightmare Moon, or some other prankster with access to Celestia's diary. This was her. It was the truth.
You lower your head again.
Celestia swallows something before placing one of her front hooves on your shoulder, but you throw it off angrily.
"Don't touch me," You growl, you voice cracking on that last word. "Don't..."
She nods and trots back, looking ashamed.
A tear forms at the edge of your eye, but you wipe it away quickly and look up to glare into her violet eyes.
She nods to you, move back again ever so slightly.
“I don't take it well?” You ask as you hear the sound of rain roaring outside.
”No. No, you have not. Suicide was the path you took when I told you directly. When you had somehow worked it out for yourself...” She pauses.
You raise an eyebrow as the Goddess of the sun shivers slightly.
”It doesn't go well. For anyone.”
You stand there, unsure of what you might possibly say. What possible answer do you have to learn you had been here at least a thousand years. That you were one in a long line of copies of yourself brought here only to die forgotten. That you wouldn't even leave a legacy. And anyone that might even remember you would get a shiny, younger replacement version later. That you yourself were a replacement version of yourself.
That was the problem really. “I.” You.
“Who am I, Celestia? A replacement for Brightsmile? For half a dozen other versions of myself?” You ask, partly in anger and partly in pain.
Celestia takes a moment to answer, mulling over the question. You glare as she does so, believing she is trying to spin an answer to appease you. But eventually, she simply sighs, and shakes her head to herself before answering.
You pause, unable to quite parse what exactly she means by that answer. It isn't an actual answer of her own, she didn't say how she saw you, only that she... That it wasn't up to her. But that was not what you asked.
Your gaze turns harsher and colder as you stare the Princess in the eyes.
”You are not him! You are your own person Anonymous!” She shouts, finally raising her voice for the first time in this whole conversation, pleading with you. You can tell from her entire body language she wants to reach out to you, help you. You take another step back.
“Is that better?” You ask dejectedly, the flames within you dying, smothered by the rain outside.
“To know that the Anonymous you knew is dead, and there's nothing of him left. No proof but what you might remember? That I am here in his place?” You ask as you throw the diary to the ground before stepping over it. "That Anon is dead, that man who wore my skin... Or perhaps I wear his?"
You laugh bitterly on that last word, a harsh bark that echoes through the empty hall, only broken when another lightning bolt crashes outside. As soon as the light fades, your laughter breaks apart into tears.
"I am nothing. Who knows how many of me have lived and died in this world. I have been here at least a thousand years. There could be dozens of me across those years. Hundreds. I'm sure not many lived as long as... As Brightsmile. Each so sure of their realness, uniqueness. Each so sure they... They could go back home," You mumble darkly. "If I have been here a thousand years... If that was consistent with my world... Even if somehow I were the version of myself that went back, it would be 1000 years after I left."
Celestia opens her mouth but pauses as you tear at your hair, as your heart rate races and you start, once again, to hyperventilate. You pick up your pace, your hands start to shake and clench as you continue to rant.
Celestia cannot anything to say. The thousand-year-old goddess princess of the most powerful nation on the planet is at a loss for words. You realise that she cannot think of anything meaningful to add. Nothing to add. You shake your head, forcing yourself to stop pacing, to slow down your breathing and heart rate. Clenching your eyes close, you wait for the next thunderbolt, catching your breath before opening your eyes and staring into her own, challenging her.
“What was it you wanted to say to him, to Brightsmile? Right there at the end?” You ask, reaching down to your feet and hold the book up, tapping it to prove the point.
She stumbles around the words she wants to say. Not quite able to articulate her point across. ”I...”
You wait. And she lowers her head to the ground, her long aurora coloured mane barely blowing despite the strong winds blowing through the open doors to the storm outside.
“Am I him Celestia? Am I the same man that appeared fifty years ago? Two hundred? A thousand?” You ask. Demand.
She finally looks up, right into your eyes.
“Right...” You stand there, motionless, simply trying to work out the enormity of what you've been told.
Somewhere, in a dark recess of your mind, you'd hope you entered a coma in reality. And that you were here until you died, whereupon you would simply wake back up in a hospital bed, surrounded by your family. Classic Life on Mars stuff. But even this tentative option you had hoped for was gone. Replaced by waking dreams and eternity stretching before you.
And the choice was yours. To bend.
To reset again. To forget. It would be so easy to just let go. To go to sleep and never awaken again. To return to a life of blissful hope and ignorance. Never having to vaguely remember dying half a hundred times every time you closed your eyes. All the hundreds of creatures over the years that had loved, lost and hated you now forgetting your name, your face, even your identity. The man who would come after you wouldn't remember you, perhaps wouldn't...
Perhaps wouldn't even be you.
He would wear your skin, like you wore Brighsmile's and Nergüi's. He would hold some of your memories, like a cold dinner in a snow-covered house in darkness. He would have your voice, your tastes and fears, your loves and hates. But he would be a copy. You are a copy. You are nothing.
You look towards one of the balconies, towards the raging storm outside.
...No
Fuck that shit.
Mother Anon did not raise a coward, not even one to cower before an existential crisis.
You would not break.
You walk towards the grand balcony behind the throne, Celestia following cautiously behind you. Perhaps she thought you wanted to jump.
Not this time.
As the rain hits you, and you smell of ozone of the air outside you close your eyes for a moment. It all feels so real. The rain, the smells, the darkness and the light, the heat and the cold. There can be no doubt that this is reality. That all of that was true. You were here. And had been for at least a thousand years. No escape, no returning. No going back.
You sigh as you lean against the railing of the balcony, your eyes still closed. You can sense Celestia almost reaching out for you, perhaps to be ready to grab you if you attempted to lean too far forward.
But you knew better than that.
You open your eyes to the evening storm, to the rain and clouds, to the lightning and thunder roaring above you. As a bolt splits the sky in twain you smile softly to yourself.
You turn to her, a soft honest smile playing on your face.
“I can't stay here,” You explain sadly.
She nods.
“I need to see if there is any way out of this Constantly forgetting who I was, I mean. See if there is some way I can remember. And I doubt the answer is in front of me," You explain to her, before looking away to the view of the whole of Equestria just as the sun, covered by dark clouds as it is, dips behind the horizon.
”Do you have any idea where you'll go?” Celestia asks.
You shake your head.
"Such a task would be better suited for a library than out there," she points out, almost pleading. It's honest, and it's true enough to an extent, but still, you shake your head.
“Perhaps. But trying to divine which historical figures in history were me might take a long while. I can read on the road," You explain.
"This isn't the only reason you're leaving, is it?” She asks pointedly.
You turn to her, pausing for a moment before smiling sadly and placing a hand against her back. You nod.
She opens her mouth, but you place a finger against it.
”They are you," She points out. "They have your spirit, your love and hate, your brilliance and..."
“And I am they. But not yet,” You explain. For a minute the two of you stood there in silence, the rain pouring down around you, soaking your mane's and hair. She sighs, then stares at your fiercely.
"You won't be going alone,” She demands.
You smile softly, strangely touched at her offer as she stares defiantly into your eyes.
She lowers her head for a moment but quickly returns her fierce gaze towards your own.
Ah. She's afraid you'll die. And that you will be forgotten.
“If I die, then don't be afraid to tell the other me what I am going through. Tell him to find out why," You order, aware you were denying him the chance to be ignorant, but he needed to know.
"You will not die Anon. I shall send Luna with you,” She explains, smiling ever so slightly.
You furrow your brow.
"You've both hurt each other in different forms. You both weren't yourselves when that happened. You both have to make up for it. And she needs to learn about the world she was forced to leave behind," She explains.
You grit your teeth, not overly eager to travel with someone who had broken one of your ribs, given you a black eye, scarred you. Oh yeah, and also killed you once.
”I don't need you to be inconspicuous, Anon," She explains strongly. "I need you to live.”
Your smile widens into a wry grin.
You run a hand through her astral mane, feeling the low warmth hum through your fingers as the Goddess of the Sun and the Monarch of an entire country leans slightly into your hands. Before she remembers herself and trots slightly away.
”Anon... I.”
You smile and hold her face, forcing her to return your gaze.
You can see the slightest hint of tears forming at the edges of her eyes.
”I suppose not. Until next time, Anonymous.”
Briefly, the thought passes through you that obviously, you will need to pack, plan and prepare, that Luna will have to agree to all this, and that you need to do a bit of research to figure out where you are going. So no doubt you shall see Celestia again, regardless of the outcome of the journey you want to take.
But now, beneath the dark and stormy sky, was too perfect of an ending for you to not say those things.
Author's Note
So, not too much editing on this one, thought there'd be more, and it's more subtle things to make the writing less blunt in some areas while really focusing on Anon's mental breakdown. The fixing is probably too quick, but that will be explained, in a sense, later.
View Online
A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a teleport
You look across Equestria, standing on what you now knew was once your final resting spot. The rising sun far behind you, basking the land before you in a soft amber glow.
"Whatever a 'moody Indy film' is, we doubt that in your world they'd have ponies standing there in the same scene."
You smile wryly as you turn to the Princess of the Moon. She's still a tiny thing, at least compared to her sister. Barely up to your waist, with a simple light blue mane.
“I'm glad you've learnt what a film is at least. Your cultural studies must be going well," You say with a smile.
”They would be going better if we were not forced to drag you through Equestria. Through the entire world, apparently," She grumbles.
“You really think that I need more help than you outside these castle walls?” You ask in faux outrage, hiding your grin.
You'd hope she'd smile, get the joke, but that wasn't exactly what Luna was famous for.
“It is better to break a teapot and glue it together than to never have used it at all," You mumble.
”Your metaphors are as singularly painful as they have always been," She says as she rolls her eyes.
You cough to hide a giggle.
Both of you stand there in silence for a few moments, unwilling to move.
You turn to the diminutive Princess of the Night.
”We have packed, if that is the meaning behind your basic and unnecessary question. If your question actually meant 'Are you prepared to undertake this journey into a world you have not seen for a thousand years', Our answer may be... Less certain," She sheepishly admits, realising she had already spewed too much information.
You smile softly and pat the small Alicorn on the head, but she quickly throws off your hand with her telekinesis.
”And you?” She barks out, glaring at you.
“If you mean have I packed? Yes. If you mean have I plotted a journey? Yes. If you mean 'am I ready to find out exactly who I was once'... No. I never will be," You admit in kind.
”You know, there is only so much talking in circles one ought to do in a day.”
You chuckle to yourself.
You turn away from the balcony and make begin to make your way back inside the marble citadel, but something grips your shoulder and stops you. You glance towards your shoulder to confirm that Luna has gripped your shoulder in her azure telekinetic grip.
“Hmm?” You ask without turning around.
”You really ought not to go without saying goodbye to my sister," Luna points out, or maybe commands, you are not yet sure which.
You sigh.
Well, putting it like that it sounds pretty complicated, but you knew what you meant.
Luna sends you a withering look.
You squint briefly at her before forcing yourself into an apparently relaxing grin.
”We... Can try. We aren't fully ourselves yet," she sheepishly explains.
You nod your head. You understood her. She didn't look like her sister but dark and edgy yet, so she must be still weak from a thousand years on the moon. In the moon? Whatever.
“Well. Try not to teleport us into a mountain. I'll say goodbye to Celestia. If you have anything you need to do...”
”We'll be ready. We hope you shall be as well.”
he door guards, still shooting you angry looks, decide to just move aside this time and allow you to pass without comment or incident.
”And of course, Raven, we should prepare for my trip to...”
The raven-haired mare shot you and the Princess a strange look before bowing ever so slightly and trotting past you. When you hear the grand double doors that you came through close shut, you begin to speak.
“Luna hides it, but she has not taken you volunteering her for this well," You explain. Her sister was a safe topic, compared at least to... Other things.
Celestia smiles softly and trots towards you.
For half a heartbeat, you wanted to reach out to her and pat her on the back. Do something to support her. But she was the Monarch of a great and powerful country, its sole ruler for a thousand years. What possible consolation could you have offered for her? You could not offer to take her along, for she had her duties that Luna did not. You could not stay here.
And yet, she tempts you.
"If the world shall not come to me, I shall come to it. A thousand years of my life in this world, and I remember none of it. It Will be interesting to see it, but... I will miss this place. A shame you could not come with," You admit, much to her surprise.
”... I will miss you, Anonymous.”
You did not entirely expect that. You knew her only for a few weeks. But then again, she knew you for a lifetime.
“I will try not to die, Celestia. I feel we have had this conversation before," You say, half-jokingly. You try to smile, to cheer up the Goddess of the sun. But she stares into your eyes with such guilt and mourning you can barely maintain that same smile.
”That should hardly surprise either of us at this point. I do not wish to have this conversation with another Anonymous again. I want you to live a long life of joy and security," She whispers.
Your lips turn up slightly, a sad smile growing on your face as you place your hand upon her head.
”I know. You are Anonymous. You are you.”
“I am I.”
You run a hand through her ethereal mane as she slightly leans into it.
”Manehatten first?” She asks as you pat her neck.
“Yes. Follow Brightsmile for a bit, see if we can find out where and when he appeared exactly and use that to try and work out who I was before him.”
”You will write? Won't you?” She asks firmly. You're touched by her concern, and the hint of joy returning to her voice.
“I will. I'll make sure Luna writes as well. Though she may not take my advice on that matter.”
She titters slightly as you scratch under her chin, happy she's smiling again.
”You two will have to work out your issues," She explains.
Your issues? She didn't kill you. Well, she did, but it was another you. All she did to you was break your ribs, imprison you, cut you and make you remember dying.
All right, maybe you might have some issues there, and you simply were good at pushing them aside. You did have other problems to worry about after all.
“We'll try. Worst comes to worst, she can just kill me and I'll forget all about it," You darkly joke.
Celestia moves away from your hand and glares at you.
You laugh softly to yourself
She did not like to be reminded of your own mortality, it seemed. You moved a strand of hair from over her eyes.
“Not at all.” You lie. You take one last look around the throne room. Perhaps the last time you would be here for a while.
”Hmm?” She asks, apparently having not heard despite how close the two of you were.
You fight the heat burning your cheeks. You were not one for honesty.
A red glow spreads across her face as she nods quietly.
”And I would not mind having you beneath me.”
You raise an eyebrow as somehow the fire beneath her skin grow even more furious.
She coughs and collects herself, no doubt aware of how that sounded now and wishing to correct her mistake.
You smirk.
“You ready?” You ask, turning to Luna, who is concentrating furiously with her teal eyes forced shut. Her horn glows with energy, sparking against any nearby metal, like her own jewellery, your watch or the nearby door hinges within her room. You hold your massive bag over your back tighter.
”Must you interrupt our thoughts? One errant idea or thought and we might find ourselves a hundred miles above the ground, or even in the aether above the atmosphere," She angrily explains through gritted teeth.
You smirk, even as you begin to terror sweat.
She opens her eyes to look at you, concerned for a moment, before being forced to squeeze them shut again as her horn lights up even more. You take a step closer, just in case half of you isn't in range of the teleport and only half of you travels with her. All is white for a moment. You lose all feeling of space and time. Your skin crawls, your breath is nearly sucked from your lungs as you briefly find yourself within a featureless void. Around you, there is nothing. You reach out and to your horror, you find your right arm touching your left even as you reach out to your right. As if space was looping back on itself just beyond your body.
And just as soon as you found yourself in that place, reality collapses around you, and a thin beam of light and sound rushes towards you, stretching the edges of the white void as it comes closer and closer, until finally...
You smack into what feels awfully like concrete.
You growl and rub your inflamed ribs, stinging just where that fucking nightmare horse kicked you a few weeks ago. And speaking of the devil, you spot her out of the corner of your eye, gracefully flapping her wings to lower herself to the concrete.
The tiny horse casts one last spell and her wings seem to disappear before she turns to you.
"What was that?” She asks, her tone making it clear she fucking heard you.
“Nothing.” You growl as you push yourself off the dirty concrete beneath your body. You take in your new surroundings.
They could not be more different than the dark opulent bedroom of Princess Luna.
This was an Equestria you had yet to see, in this life at least. Far from the marble brilliance of Canterlot, the Rustic charm of Ponyville or the shadowed ruins of the Everfree, this place was a dirty back alley littered with rubbish. To your dismay, it reminded you of home. A home you could not be sure even...
Less of that, Anon. Introspection is to be had never. Thinking too hard would only bring darkness again.
As you stand up straight, you cannot help but notice your travelling partner looking you up and down, seemingly deep in thought. You place one of your hands against your hip.
She scoffs.
You look down at your clothes. A waistcoat of white and gold above a white shirt, dark grey suit trousers. Black shoes. Dark socks.
“You may have a point. Perhaps I should get more casual...”
”We meant wearing too many. You might attract undue attention," she corrects.
You cock an eyebrow at that, wait to see if she is serious, then step towards her and flick her snout.
As you walk out towards the street, watching the crowds walk past, she trots alongside you, a near murderous look in her teal eyes.
”Do you speak like that to my sister?” she growls.
“No. She has never asked me to strip. Nor has she killed me before," You reply, mumbling those last few words.
At least, you were pretty sure of those two things.
”Times have changed. We've been reading on what has changed since our banishment a thousand years ago," She says.
The two of you reach the street, and after a moment of you pointedly looking at her for directions to whatever hotel it was she had booked, she leads you to the right, dodging and weaving through the crowd, apologising to the small horses as you loomed twice as tall as them.
”You wouldn't remember... You're mocking us, aren't you?” She asks with a furrowed brow.
As you weave through the crowd looking up at you in bemusement or confusion, you smile at the hidden Princess.
You chuckle.
Luna rolls her eyes.
You were pretty sure that was a song.
“Well anyway, Moonlight. How far till the hotel?” You ask.
The annoyed Alicorn disguised as a Unicorn sighed and tried to trot further ahead of you, forgetting that you had longer legs and therefore took longer strides, allowing you to easily catch up and continue to annoy her.
Of course, in the end, you had to follow her. You were well aware you were a stranger in a strange land. Feeling thousands of eyes follow you walking down the street was a far call from the few fleeting glances you got when you were in Canterlot, or even Ponyville.
The two of you marched through the doors of The Ritz-Colton, looking over Central Park, you espied the desk. You made your way over, shotting a winning smile you could barely hope to maintain for long and spoke to the cute pony behind the desk.
”Don't be," the Receptionist says with a smile.
“Thanks... Is there a reservation under the name 'Anonymous and Moonlight Shadow'?” You ask, eager to change the subject.
Luna trots over and hefts her two front limbs over the edge of the desk. The Receptionist immediately turns to Luna.
The bag around your feet is lifted into the air by a unicorn dressed as a bell... Bellmare? That sounds weird. Whatever, hopefully she's just taking it to your room and nothing more.
You glance away from the receptionist desk, away from the old-timey elevators and from the hallway and spot a bar. As Luna's own bags are taken away, you stare into her eyes for a moment before nodding your head to the bar.
“We aren't going to get any work done today. Do you want to grab a drink?” You ask earnestly.
She mutters something beneath her breath, sighs, and nods her head.
Count how many you've had.
...Perhaps you ought to take a break.
You pull your face off of the table, nearly skinning yourself in doing so given how sticky the table is and wincing as Alcohol gets into your facial scar.
Ignoring the strained and embarrassed look Luna has upon her face, you lean back into the chair slightly.
Time stretches before you as slowly the outside world tunes out. The low roar of conversation and drinking, eating and joy around you fades into a ringing inside your head. The false elation that comes with drink slowly fades from your face.
And for just a few moments, you feel the weight of eternity bearing down on you. Your hands begin to shake.
You blink.
And there you are. Sitting in the chair opposite you. No. Not you. This man is older by maybe one or two years. He doesn't have a scar on his cheek.
”Come then. Let's play.” The simulacrum of you says as he shuffles a deck of cards. His voice is your own, but haughtier, smugger.
”You'd best pray your luck doesn't run out hyuman. You've got a lot riding on this," A mare sitting at the table warns.
The copy, the false image that you cannot tear away from simply laughs again.
And the card game begins.
”Big Sally won't take kindly to no cheatin'.” One of the mares, a unicorn, says. You could not say whom through the shadow of drink and the veil of time.
”Big Sal should learn to talk in the first person. And to watch my hands.” This other you challenges again, a wry smirk growing on his face.
The game mostly passes in a blur, but you have noticed the growing pile of chips between your copy's arms. As has his opponents. Their growing anger and rapidly disappearing drinks make clear.
Eventually, it seems there is only a single pile left. Owned by the only human within your vision.
”Well, Gentlemares. Good game. Perhaps next time you'll...”
You, both versions of you, flinch as the pony previously referred to as Big Sally leaps across the table, broken whiskey glass in her magical grip.
Other Anonymous stands up, but not fast enough as the glass cuts across his cheek. The other ponies get up, improvised weapons in hand. There are six of them there, but not all are looking to attack your copy. Most look confused.
Big Sally tries to stand up upon the table, but your copy flips it with the Pony still atop. As poker chips and an Earth pony fly into the air, the room seems to fall into pandemonium.
You half expect guns to be drawn, but you're pretty sure they don't exist here. Instead, your copy seems to retreat slightly, gripping his bleeding cheek in hand.
Sally gets up off the floor, dazed and confused for only a moment, before snarling and rushing towards your copy. Other Anonymous launches a kick into her snout, knocking her back.
An ace and a king fall from his sleeves, and somehow this is seen by the other players of the game. The confusion that was previously on their faces is quickly replaced by anger, and your copy sighs, then grin wryly before opening his arms and shouting:
This, to neither your nor apparently his surprise, does not manage to calm them down. That's when the fighting really starts.
Kicks, punches and far too much biting for a civilised fight ensues, and phantom pain rings through your body with every kick to your chest or all the bites on your legs.
Your copy uses everything he can get his hands on. Wine bottles, pepper shakers, chairs and even tables to put between him and the six furious mares trying to kill him.
One lunges for his neck and successfully sends him plummeting to the floor. As he smacks his head against the oak panelling beneath him by reflex, his forehead collides with the mare's, knocking her out cold.
Through what looked like a concussion, he stands back up and charges angrily towards the remaining ponies. Two make to flee, cutting their losses. Not willing to get injured for Big Sally.
The others...
You swore you drunkenly closed your eyes only for a moment, but by the time you open them, the four of them are splayed out on the floor, and your copy is there. Coughing and wheezing, gripping his chest and hunched over, but alive and conscious.
He rifles through the debris to collect his winnings, the gold watches, bits and any portable wealth he can find. Before the Hotel staff can rush him and kick him out, he drops a sack of bits on one of the few tables standing nearby.
”Hope that covers all this,” He mumbles, gesturing to the hotel bar he had just destroyed.
The ringing in your head fades, and you snap back to reality.
”Sir?”
Shaking your head clear and coughing into your hand, you turn to the Pegasus shaking you awake.
You barely notice the bloody fingerprint left on the glass after you finish your drink and turn to Princess Luna. She watches you as you look positively giddy at apparently having a seizure for a few moments, but only has an eyebrow raised, waiting patiently for an explanation.
“I've been here before,” Is all you say.
Luna shrugs for a moment before realising what exactly that meant for you.
You nod your head.
He who controls the present
Honestly, you expected the central and grand library of Manehatten to be... Well, lit better, for starters. Instead, it's all dark corridors of books lit by the odd oil lantern, a few chairs and tables by cindering fireplaces, librarians moving like spectres between the rows upon rows of ancient and modern tomes.
Being taller than most of the bookcases, you could see over them into the endless sea of dark, broken only by small night fires to stand against the omnipresent dark. Which was weird, given it was eleven o'clock during July. It would have been earlier, but you had to work through a hangover and Luna was a late riser.
The two of you grabbed a table near a smouldering fireplace, and as you awkwardly tried to sit down in the too-small chair Luna leaned on the table and turned to you.
You grunt giving up and deciding to just sit cross-legged on the floor and turn to her. You dropped the pile of old newspapers down on your right and started reading through the first one.
"We see. And because your appearance would've been rather noteworthy, and likely reported, reading it back now would make it seem mundane, and confusing as to why it was even a story," Luna explains, nodding her head. She watches you scanning the newspaper from left to right.
She blinks, realising something profound.
You nod.
Luna smiles to herself.
You smirk.
Luna scoffed.
You turn the page, scanning the headlines. Apparently, an unusually large watermelon was considered page 4 news.
Luna opens her mouth as if to argue, then shrugs and admits your point.
You awaken.
”What the heck!” Some voice screams, not that you care to notice. For now, you ignore that foreign light voice while your body feels like its being stitched back together, one sinew and muscle at a time. Behind all the pain and the ringing in your ears, you hear the pitter-patter of footsteps and something touch you. The moment that gentle touch reaches out to you the pain seems to leave your body. You realise you are face down on a wooden floor.
You take a few seconds to catch your breath, still twitching and feeling the odd stab of pain in your limbs, but it was nothing to what it felt like just a few seconds before.
The touch of... You hesitate to call it a hand, leaves your back and instead grabs one of your arms and weakly tries to heft you up, succeeding only in pulling at your shirt.
You roll your eyes and push your hands against the floor and heave, launching your body off the floor. You stumble back onto your feet and fully take in your surroundings.
Standing before you is a tiny lime green pony, who looks half terrified and half curious at your current state. Its giant eyes boring into your soul. You stand there, in shocked silence, for a few moments. And then the creature opens its mouth.
You feel rather less awe and rather more shock.
The pony cocks her head, confused.
You step back from the creature, hyperventilating, desperately looking around the shabby, old looking apartment.
It took a few minutes for the 'Mare', or 'Gleamshine' as she was apparently called, to calm you down enough to hear her out. From what you could gather in between spouts of hyperventilating and sipping on beer to calm your nerves, you were somewhere called 'Manehatten' in the Country of "Equestria".
Currently, you were shaking on her couch in her creaky wooden apartment apparently near the docks of the city, having appeared as if by magic in her room
”Can I ask you a few questions?” She asks.
You turn to the inquisitive pony, looking up at you with her enormous brown eyes. Honestly, you were the one with a trillion burning questions, like "What the fuck are you?" and "What the fuck?" and variations upon that theme. But she asked first, it'd be rude to interrupt.
“...Sure," you cautiously respond.
”What are you?” She asks, her soft voice full of genuine curiosity.
You sigh as you take another sip of beer to calm yourself down.
The cute tiny horse shakes her head.
“Well... fuck.”
Keeping your eyes open, after nearly 12 hours inside this dark library, was a rather tall ask. Your stomach grumbled, demanding that you eat. You ignored it. You could skip a few meals if it meant getting to the bottom of this, somehow.
You place that newspaper on the finished pile, looking up to check on Luna while you do so. She is firmly asleep, head down in what you believe is the September 17th edition of the Manehatten Herald. Either it was a particularly boring edition of what you had actually found to be a rather amusing newspaper or even Princesses of the Night needed to sleep.
This wasn't her fight. Her past. Waking her up would be selfish on your part, demanding she sacrifices something to help you.
Even so, you couldn't help but rub the scar on your cheek, left from a slice of an astral tail. Maybe you should get your own back, demand your pound of flesh from her.
Or maybe that was Nightmare moon, and not the sleeping pony who had been basically pressganged into being your chaperone until you died.
Pushing the shadows from your thoughts, you grabbed the next unread newspaper, sighed, and continued to read. April 10th, 943 PLB.
"Crocodiles in Sewers demand representation on local council, say "At least we aren't the turtle lobby""
"Strange, bizarre normal pony appears in apartment, befuddled scientists amazed by normal pony"
Now that was interesting.
“I think I've found it,” You whisper to yourself, smiling.
Having apparently heard you, Luna drags her head off the table, her horn piercing a fifty-year-old newspaper. She trots tiredly around to your shoulder and exhaustedly places her head on your shoulder to look over it. You gently pull the newspaper off her horn and point to the other one in your hand.
You begin to read the article for her, pretty sure she was in no state to read.
Yesterday, a young homeowner by the name of Gleamshine reported to us that a Stallion by the name of Brightsmile suddenly appeared in her room. The Stallion is described as having four hooves, standing at four feet high and is fully capable of speech. Biologists from across Equestria have stated their intent to study the perfectly normal stallion, but he and Gleamshine have requested that he has some time to get used to the city.
The black and white photo was of a young mare beaming happily and a slightly confused Stallion standing next to her. Strangely, the framing of the photo suggested it was taking a photo of a taller figure.
You stared at the image, right into the eyes of that stallion. It was black and white, and very grainy, you could not work out the colour of his eyes, or if it looked like the portrait hanging up at Canterlot.
Luna broke the silence, her right eye turning slightly to look at you.
You nod.
”So. We know the date you, uh, he? Brightsmile? Your past life...” Luna mumbles, trailing off.
Frowning, you realise the question she wants to ask but isn't.
Luna lifts her head off your shoulder and trots back to her own chair.
You grit your teeth and think on this for a few seconds.
Wait.
You pass the paper over to Luna, who doesn't look overly amused.
”We need to find her. Find this place I appeared in over half a century ago," You explain excitedly.
”Right... And why will that help you?” She asks, clearly not following.
“Better than anyone else, even Celestia, if she's alive she'll know enough about me, Or the me as I was when I arrived here," I explained.
Luna looks at you strangely for a moment, a raised eyebrow on her face.
You wince from the question, sigh, and look to her pleadingly.
She pauses, then cautiously nods.
“Are you Nightmare Moon?”
“Is it? That's awfully convenient for you. To fog off your sins onto this malevolent spirit, this demon," You retort.
”And what of you Anonymous? Are you guilty of the crimes of these other lives? Was it you that betrayed us for our sister?” She barks, her eyes beginning to almost glow with hatred.
You laugh bitterly.
”You betrayed our trust!” She shouts.
“Why did you even ask that of me? What possible reason did you have to ask a normal human to stay out of that conflict?” You ask.
”That was... To mean... Because that was Nightmare Moon. Not us!” She shouts, her voice wavering "We were long gone by that point, a prisoner in our own body!"
“Then how do I know I was really Brightsmile!” You shout. The words left your mouth before you could stop them. Before you could even think about the question you were actually asking.
Silence falls over the library once more, the logs crackling in the fireplace. You blink, running a hand through your hair.
Luna cocks her head.
You sigh, then force a pained smile.
Luna leans forwards slightly, genuine interest and slight confusion replacing her anger.
You swallow something in your throat, then continue.
“I... I don't think I could tell you who Anonymous is. He's a human, male, about 23 years old. But the rest... It's like there's a fog. If I am all these Anonymous' throughout history maybe... Maybe enough of them lived long enough to forget things. And once I start to forget... Maybe there's no way to get that back?" You ask, almost pleading with Luna for an answer, despite knowing for a fact she had none.
The concern grows on Luna's face as she leans slightly closer towards you.
“No. I do. I know I had a life before. I remember bits and pieces. A house. Snow. A dinner that I might have missed. But it's... It's like a dream," You reply. You cough slightly. “It's a big reason why I never held on too tight to the whole hallucination explanation for why I am here. Because this place feels more real than the place I think I came from.”
"This isn't a new thing. I think, even before I knew about Nergúi, and Brightsmile, I couldn't remember my past. I just didn't notice that it was all a fog. All gone. Ignored that I had no past, except for snippets," You explain.
The two of you sit there in solemn silence for a few moments.
“Is it that you just want to forget?” You ask. "About ponies who you have outlived? You have watched aged and decay?"
”Is that the case for you?” She asks in return.
The question makes you pause.
Luna pauses, takes a deep breath, then nods.
“Perhaps we shouldn't? Perhaps we should let go and just make new memories? And accept that when the time comes, we will just have to let those go as well?” You ask. "We can't hold onto the past forever. Both you and I are... Immortal, in our own way. You'll be yourself forever, and I'll be... Well, copied, again and again. Is it so bad? To just... Let go?"
For half a heartbeat, Luna considers the question. You can almost see the memories in the glint of her eyes, of those she had outlived, of the thousand years she had missed, of the faces she had forgotten. But she blinks, and the memories seem to fade.
”We owe it to those who remember us to try and hold on," She replies.
“Who really is that, at this point? Cadance remembers Brightsmile, according to Celestia's diary. And Celestia herself? Two people?" You ask.
"Celestia put her trust in us when nopony else did," Luna replied. "She believes we can be a better pony. We... I owe it to her, and myself, to prove her right to do so."
"Hmm."
Luna looks at you for a moment, chewing on something, then opens her mouth.
"Go on?"
"Why don't you... Why... Hmm..."
"Yes."
"So what Nightmare did to you, that scar, those injuries, showing you your own previous death, that is partially Celestia's fault as well as... Hers?" Luna asks.
"...Yes."
"....Hmm," Luna replies.
"You have further questions, I can tell," You point out.
"Why don't you... You don't hate her? For putting you in danger? For almost trying to make you into Brightsmile again?" Luna asks.
You shake your head, trying to force a cheerful smile.
"I'm... Even before I knew about this reincarnation thing, there's a... calling, in me. The call of the void, or l’appel du vide in... some language I can't even remember the name of. An undeniable urge to fling myself into the way of danger, to seek it out. Something scratching at the back of my mind," You explain, your voice growing more and more excited with every word. "I wasn't afraid. I was... I felt alive ."
Luna looks at you with a fearful expression.
You wave off her concern.
That does little to console her.
"No, no no no," You insist. "I can't hold it against her. Without her putting me there, I'd never know about this. Could you imagine? I'd have lived this whole life not knowing that when I die, I'll get to unknowingly experience it all over again! I get to be here for the rest of my existence! I get to stay here forever! I GET to live, and die, and live, and die over, and over again!" You shout. "Never ceasing! Never stopping! I have no past to tie me down, no future to care about! I am free!"
You pant, catching your breath.
"You're..." She mumbles.
You look down and noticed your hand gripping the edge of the table in a death grip. You peal your hand away, shaking it to get the blood flowing again.
Luna stares at you in abject terror for nearly half a minute, watching you simply breathe in and out, staring right back at her.
"If Celestia hadn't put me there, if you hadn't shown up, I'd likely have never truly known about this. I'd be like the rest of them. Living their lives, so sure of their finality. Only able to console themselves that their only immortality will be to be remembered for, at best, maybe 200 years if I was anything special. Now?" You ask smugly.
You squint your right eye, holding back the tear.
"Anonymous?" Luna asks.
You place your head in your hands, holding it there for a few moments. You aren't going to cry, that's pathetic.
Luna grimaces slightly.
"Yeah," You reply. You smack the table loudly. "We have a name of the mare who first saw me. We've got to find out if she's still alive and kicking. Gleamshine. Maybe the city's tax archives?"
You stand up, pushing your chair back as you do so and make to move out of the little corner of the library you had been camping in for the last twelve hours. You felt alive, full of energy and purpose.
Until she spoke.
You turn to her.
"When you found out about Brightsmile, what will you do?" Luna asks. She looks perturbed at something for a second, then shakes her head. "Actually, what do you think this will accomplish?"
You look at her like it's obvious.
"Alright. What happens when you die?" She asks.
"Bit personal?" You ask.
"Who are you, Anonymous? What do you actually want?" Luna asks as she stands up from the chair, her teal eyes boring into you as she looks up.
"Ah. You're trying that on me huh? So you do remember being Nightmare Moon?" You ask.
Luna takes a step forward.
You smile at her, but it does not reach your eyes.
You pick up the newspapers, putting them into a single large pile, then turn on your feet and head towards the exit.
You can hear that Luna is staying still, watching you leave.
The hardest part of waking up...
You desperately scramble back from the animal, hopefully before it charges you out of fear. In your fear and haste, you smack against an enormous window. Out of room to crawl, you stand, towering over the diminutive unicorn.
The animal is so thoroughly confused by your presence it can barely speak. Usually, you would not hold this against a tiny horse, but you were pretty sure it was speaking earlier.
”You're in... I don't know how to answer you," The mini Unicorn admits. It cocks its head. ”What did you say you were?”
“Human fucking being,” You growl.
”Fascinating! I've never seen a human fucking being!" The Unicorn shouts in a feminine, excited voice.
You're not sure if its the adrenaline running through your veins, or how terrified you are right now. But you can't help but laugh nervously at that.
The animal trots forwards slightly but stays a good few feet away from you.
You shake your head.
”You're safe," She replies very unhelpfully.
“That's not comforting, horse. Where the hell am I?” You ask firmly.animal .
”No! Don't!” She shouts, raising her front right hoof towards the telescope you had just placed your hand on. "Don't scuff it!"
”You're in the city of Canterlot. My student accommodations. Equestria,” She explains. That was still mostly gibberish to you.
“Okay. Fine. Right,” you say haltingly as you let go off the telescope, slumping against the giant window behind you, beginning to hyperventilate.
”Are you okay?” She asks, genuinely concerned.
“Huh? Oh, no. I'm totally having a panic attack right now. I think I might collapse in a moment,” You explain honestly.
The tiny unicorn rushes about, calling for spikes for some reason, which honestly does very little to settle you down.
Breathe. Remember to breathe. Relax.
You fall to the floor, still conscious, but your vision is narrowing into a hallway of darkness. You feel about a thousand degrees, your heart is beating like a drum. And you think you taste blood in your mouth.
As tempting as falling into the comforting blanket of unconsciousness would be, a familiar scent barely keeps you cognizant. Camomile tea. Your need for a hot drink wins against the veil of darkness, and you shakingly take the teacup you can barely see into your hands and sip. The comforting warmth and energy of a cup of tea do much to alleviate your immediate symptoms.
Of course, you are still internally screaming, but a content sigh and returning vision are good enough for now. As your vision returns to you, you notice you have been joined by another animal. Whereas the first was a small horse with a horn on its head, this one was an even smaller reptile. Similar colours, but maybe that was just your probable brain damage.
“Hey. A biped lizard. That's cool,” You say nonchalantly, still pretty sure you're hallucinating and in the throws of the mother of all panic attacks.
Then it talks.
The unicorn turns towards it and shoots it some kind of look you cannot work out.
“A dragon? That's fantastic,” You respond, honestly just too exhausted to be sarcastic at this point.
”You are taking this pretty well, all things considered,” The unicorn says, probably lying and just trying to assure you. You shake your head with a wry smile playing on your lips.
“Oh, my heart is threatening to conk out it's beating so fast. I've just accepted I am suffering from an extremely bad mental breakdown. Thank you for the tea...” You explain, raising the cup and nodding silently as you wonder exactly what drugs you might have taken. It takes the unicorn a few moments to notice you're asking for a name.
”I'm Twilight Sparkle,” She replies, poking herself in the chest fluff with one of her front hooves.
“Of course you are. That makes sense. Clearly, my mental breakdown has a child's imagination,” You say cheerfully, even as your panic shakes grow more and more intense. She takes a bit of offence to that. Whether it's your insinuation that her 'reality' is a figment of your childlike imagination or because you're insulting her name, you don't know.
“Sorry. Bad day for me. I'm Anonymous,” You apologise, placing the empty cup of honestly pretty delicious tea down on the marble floor and pointing to yourself. She tries the name out a few times, rolling her tongue around as she tries to repeat it. It's a strange look for her. Sitting up slightly, still collapsed against the window of this place, you grab the cup of tea back up and reach out to her with it.
”That's all right. Thanks for not... Attacking me,” She says awkwardly, her ears folding back against her head. It's a cute sight, you can't but smile at it.
“So um... If this isn't my imagination...” You begin to ask.
”Which it isn't. I'm very much real.”
“Sure, let's say I agree with you there. Um... Since this is a world with dragons and unicorns that talk and shit, could you take me to the nearest wizard or planeswalker?” You ask, shrugging and just making stuff up.
”Planeswalker? Huh?" She looks quizzically at you, trying to work out what you meant. You shake your head as your grip tightens on the tiny teacup within your hands. Oh, you do not want to break her china, but...
“Just... Someone who can... I don't know man. Is there any way I can end this mental delusion? Or do I have to learn the true meaning of Christmas, or face my gravestone or something?” You ask, just throwing out whatever possible explanations you can think of for why you are talking to a small unicorn and her even smaller dragon.
”Again. I am real. Spike is real,” She stresses.
You wave a free hand, still a bit annoyed she hadn't taken the cup from you yet, though she didn't have hands or opposable thumbs to be fair.
”Are you asking if I know someone who...” She begins.
“Answer the fucking question! Fuck me! How...” You snap, having tried to stay calm in what was an exceedingly stressful and unnerving situation for you. And immediately, you realise that this unicorn had done nothing wrong to you, had only helped you and served you tea. You curse at yourself for snapping and take a deep breath. “I'm very sorry. I'm quite stressed right now.”
She flinches but nods softly.
You nod, barely keeping yourself together as a blood vessel on your temple nearly bursts.
”Right. Well... I can't do that. I don't entirely know anyone who can," She admits, trying her best to look apologetic.
You breathe carefully, trying to stay both calm and conscious. You were not mad at her, that was categorically unfair. It was just the whole situation pressing down on your skull.
Twilight, thankfully, nods.
Oh great. Even in a stress-induced delusion, you have to deal with this shit.
”I... suppose. I mean, it would be fascinating to talk to you about...” She says, her expression brightening at the thought of barraging you with questions.
“I'm sure it would be, little unicorn. But I would quite like to find out if I can get home. Sorry,” You apologise with a tired smile. You wouldn't probably mind answering her questions, but the thought of staying in your mental breakdown didn't exactly appeal to you.
”I understand. Spike, should we send a letter ahead?” She asks. turning to the dragon that is both tiny and wingless, making you wonder why it's called a dragon.
He shrugs. The blood vessel on your temple tenses, and you nearly snap.Deep breathe. Relax.
“I don't mean to be rude, I am honestly sorry for constantly being curt, but you have to understand my situation. I am incredibly scared, and I'd like to go home,” You explain, putting on your best posh voice.
Twilight sends you a weird look. Not one as if she had been insulted, or even one sympathetic to your plight as you nearly drop the teacup in your bone-white hands.
No. It's one of recognition. For only the briefest moments, before she seems to shake her head clear.
”Are you able to walk?” She asks as she pokes you with her hoof, and you shoot her a wry look before trying to stand. Shakingly, you get to your feet.
“Oh thank god. I was worried I wouldn't get up," You exclaim, still mostly leaning on the glass behind you. You ignore the brief glance she shoots to your now head height crotch. “Please. Lead the way.”
Nodding, she begins to walk away, and you glance down at your shaking feet, stumbling as you move forward. You grip and support yourself against every piece of furniture between you and the stairs, then haltingly make your way down them, gripping the bannister for dear life. But every step you take strengthens you, and you manage to cross the ground floor mostly without aid, stopping just before the door.
“Is it safe for me to be out there?” You finally think to ask as you turn to the little unicorn.
”Maybe you're right. We'll throw this over you.” She replies. Her horn glowed, and to your shock a blanket on one of the coaches was covered in a halo of light, picked up and held in mid-air. You flinch from the strange touch of what you guess is telekinesis as the blanket covers you. For a moment you are struck, but nod and throw the blanket over your head and tightly grip it against yourself. ”Come on, let's go.”
The castle that the mini-unicorn dragged you to was...
Still wrapped within your blanket like a kid trick or treating as a ghost you and your unicorn guide move through the castle. She seems to enjoy pointing things out, while your mind could not be further away.
”And this is the painting of Farseer. Explorer of the distant lands beyond...” She explains, pointing to one particular large painting of yet another pony.
Great. Please, give me a history tour of my mental breakdown. That's super useful. Couldn't remember Dy/Dx for my exams, but you can make up a fake history for this place? Fuck you brain.
Your unwanted tour-guide stops. For a second you fear someone is going to question the brown blanket walking beside her, but instead she's stopping as someone lifts up a painting onto the walls of the hallway.
You take a decent look of the picture. It's fairly small, and obviously a rush job. It's a painting of a unicorn with dark grey fur, green piercing eyes and a soft smile on its face.
Twilight simply nods.
“If you want to pay your respects I can...” You offer.
Twilight shakes her head.
“I hope this princess of yours agrees," You grumble.
”I'm sure she will. She's probably never meet anything like you. And would be only too happy to help a creature in need," Twilight says earnestly.
“Creature. Gee, thanks,” You reply with a sardonic smile. The two of you walk on, past the paintings of dead horses, and down a long corridor of marble and stained glass.
You reach out for the sun. Feeling it past the apex of its journey, the warmth and the heat of it under your divine control, unlike... So much of your life.
You are Celestia. Princess of the Sun, sole ruler of Equestria.
You hadn't been the one to find his corpse, lying on that bench on his favourite balcony. You wouldn't have recognised the Unicorn his body became. But you recognised the eyes. Those eyes had been staring at you for a thousand years on dozens of faces. And always just one. All proof of the man Anon had been, gone. Replaced by Brightsmile, the Stallion everyone else remembered.
”There are no more scheduled meetings for today if you wish too...” She trails off, not wanting to assume anything of you. They were all so afraid of you, try as you might to calm them. You were a goddess to them, and not a one could break past that image, no matter how long, how well or how intimately they knew you.
You're about to answer when quite suddenly there is a knocking upon the great doors of the court. Typically, one of the household would announce the presence of someone approaching the door if it was someone with either an inflated ego like that Silvertouch fellow or unknown to her.
So it must be someone you were familiar with. You'd like it to be Cadance again, so the two of you could reminisce on Anon. But She knew him little. He was your friend. Your...
“Come in!” You say, trying to keep your voice light and kind. The one everyone always deman... Expected of you.
The doors are opened by a purple haze, and Unicorn and Ghost walk in. The ghost was brown and tall, far too tall to be a pony. Perhaps a Minotaur ghost. The unicorn was Twilight Sparkle. At this point, you knew her pretty well. Well, you ought to by now.
”Your Majesty.” Twilight says, bowing her head and prostrating herself before you. Internally, you sigh. She had been your personal protege for years, yet still the formality. Still she saw you as the Goddess Celestia.
”Should I bow? Should I take this blanket off?” asked a low male voice in a low whisper from behind what you should have known was a blanket. The voice makes you pause. Stills your heart.
”You should probably do both, yes.” Twilight whispered back pointedly to the man behind the blanket. And you knew it to be a man, the only one.
Anon removed his blanket, the cloth pooling at his feet, and he bowed. Down on one knee, his head lowered. Your breath is caught in your throat. You'd thought it would be years till you found out where he was again. If not a lifetime. You had never met Anon so quickly after his return.
You wanted to tell him... So much.
“What... What are you, little one?” You ask, your heart breaking a little as you do so. It hurt you. To talk to him in this way. But you were watched, and you could not break the mask. Nopony ever broke that mask. That mask had kept you safe.
”Your Majesty. I am an alien from another world. Apparently,” He shot a dark look to the floor with that last word, glaring into the marble as if it had personally offended him. ”I am Anonymous, your Grace.”
Twilight twitched at him using the wrong form of address. You couldn't care less. You smile softly, holding back the tears from your eyes.
He might not be the man who had served you for fifty years... And he never will be again, for Brightsmile was dead.
“I am Princess Celestia of Equestria, Princess of the sun and regent of the moon. I... What might I do for you, Anonymous?”
The wind picks at your hair, as you lean against the balcony. The low evening sun ahead of you, its orange rays bouncing off the pristine white marble around you. You were in no mood to admire the décor. No mood to do much of anything but listen to the howling wind. Maybe you'd try screaming against the storm, but that was as fruitless as anything else.
” I'm sorry.” Says a regal, pained voice. The princess of the Sun, at last, breaking the silence after what she had told you.
“You didn't even try," You whisper.
”I know these...” She began to say, to plead. To tell you precisely what you didn't want to hear.
You turn around to face the object of your current wrath.
But you didn't want to be consoled. You wanted to be angry. If you were angry, you couldn't think too much on your situation. If you were angry, you weren't still. If you stopped... you might not move again. But anger is not a fire that can burn forever, and as you wipe your eyes you plead with her.
She swallows something within her throat. Her words, while usually as soft as velvet, were as harsh and brittle as... As yours.
”I am. None have succeeded in what you need. None. In a thousand years. Even I could not break apart reality in such a way...” She explains.
“Or perhaps you are my imagination telling me that," You rant.Yes, that's it!
”I wish that were the case Anon. But this place. This time. It's real," She says, trying to console you while telling you precisely what you didn't want to hear. You turn away from the princess of the sun, towards the dying light that was apparently hers as well. You are silent for a good few minutes, staring across the great valley.
... I'm sorry” you whisper to the wind, too low to be heard. Your intended recipients were too far away from them to hear you anyway.
”Anonymous..." Celestia pleads, placing what you assume is her attempt at a comforting hand upon your shoulder, but is a reminder of what world you are apparently in.
“Leave me. I... Need some time alone," You plead quietly, staring across the valley.
”Of course. I understand. Please, I shall only be a call away if you need me.” You turn to the majestic creature and smile a weak smile. It is shattered, false. Broken. You can only hope it does enough to assuage any guilt. It... She did not deserve that at least. You knew that.
As she left you alone, the light seemed to leave with her, and the heavens seem to come alive with a second sort of light. A second, and a thousand at once. A chill moves through your bones as the sun descends. To your left, you can see it for the first time.
And it is not the moon you knew. In place of the sea of tranquillity, or the Mare Tranquillitatis... In its place seemed to be a hundred lunar seas. In the shape of a unicorn's head. Like a bad pun. Mare of the moon.
This is not home.
“And what of you? Are you as trapped here as I am? As fake as...” You ask the moon, more to speak to something that could not talk back. Your conversational partner, as you are not surprised to discover, is silent.
You sigh. Turning to your right arm... You're afraid to do this, but you have to.
If you were safely in a mental hospital suffering from an extreme nervous breakdown, you shouldn't have been able to feel that. Surely your real arms would've been trapped in white cloth. No. That was a real pinch. That was you. That was real.
You step back from the balcony, nearly hitting the bench behind you. Low, above the low roar of the wind, you could hear a call to the edge. And that wasn't... You weren't... You shake your head clear. There was little you might do here. There was nothing you needed of this balcony, or over its edge. You knew where you were needed. What you needed to do.
Your journey alone through the castle draws a number of stares and whispers. But none of what you assumed were the castle staff were stopping you, or really getting in your way. Not at least, until you returned to the court. A golden armoured pony of... Some type, you didn't know which, stopped you. Realising it stoped you with its wing, it was probably a Pegasus then.
”Day court is over... Minotaur?” Her stoicism nearly broke on that last word, but she, definitely she, made sure to continue as if it hadn't. ”Please, unless you have an appointment leave the area and return to your embassy.”
“I have no embassy. Your Princess is probably expecting me," You explain. The guard looks you up and down, but the door opens a crack. Turning away from you, the guard peers through the crack in the door, nods, then stands aside as the doors open. Without invitation you make your way across the great hall. Your steps echoing across the emptiness.
The Princess of the Sun was sat upon her golden throne, her head in her hooves before she turned up to at last face you as you made it halfway down the hall. The look she gives you nearly makes you pause. Nearly stills your heart. Regret. Sorrow. It disappears as soon as she saw you noticed it, but you cannot tear that image from your mind. Sighing, you look away for the briefest moments as you cross the divide.
“Should I keep bowing?” You ask, hoping your tone and question will lighten the mood, but it sounds hollow even as the words leave your mouth. You finally risk turning your head back, and her regal mask has returned to her.
”You don't need to. You are not a subject of mine," She explains, smiling a smile that, had you not already seen the sorrow beneath the surface, looked genuine and heartfelt.
“Thank you. But I am hardly a subject of any nation now," You point out.
”Are you alright, Anonymous?” She asks.
You seriously consider the question for a few seconds before answering honestly.
”You are allowed to be more than alright," She points out hopefully.
“Thanks. But allow me just that for now," You quietly plead.
She nods her heads and moves off her throne, trotting down the steps to move closer to you.
Back on your feet? Why would an equine use the word...
“Thank you. I notice many of your subjects are naked, but I would quite like to be able to wash my clothes. Or perhaps, if at all possible, get some new ones?” You ask. why you thought of clothes first, you don't know, but it is important to you.
Her expression turns strange for a moment before once again settling upon her regal calm.
“Thank you. Umm...”
”Go on Anonymous," She prods. Her voice shatters your carefully constructed request before it even leaves your lips.
“I need something to do with my time. Is there anything I can do?” You ask bluntly, but smiling despite your dark mood. You swear you see a ghost of a smile play upon those strange horsey lips.
”I... shall see Anonymous. I suppose even if you are a stallion, you're alone and need to care for yourself," She points out. The... low growl in her tone slightly unnerves you, as does the subject matter. But, you know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.
It's strange...Is she licking her lips?
You take a step back as Celestia collects herself.
“That's understandable," You lie.
”I shall have Raven take you to your new room. We shall talk tomorrow, Anonymous.”
“I hope so. I doubt...” You begin to say.Keep that to yourself Anon.
”It's the least I could do. Goodbye Anonymous," She says with a soft nod.
“Goodbye, Princess," You respond, nodding back to her. Your shoes squeak on the marble floor as you turn, and begin the long walk out of the court.
”What makes you think you are qualified for the position of head of household? We usually prefer to promote from within Mr...” The interviewer tails off, apparently wanting you to tell her your name despite it being on the CV and the fact she had called you in herself. Whatever, mares and their power plays.
“Anonymous. Yeah, I figured. Well, honestly, I thought I needed a change of scenery. I've been here for a few years y'know. Only so much you can make off cards in Las Pegasus and Manehatten before the wrong sort of people... Ponies, start looking your way," You admit honestly. No point making up why you were here. It was either this or cermant shoes, and you only wore custom-fit stuff nowadays.
”Do you have any experience in the field of maintaining a household?" She asks. You chuckle to yourself before answering.
“Not one bit. What I do have is a looming presence, the ability to sound posh on command, a rocking bod' and a winning smile," You reply with a nonchalant shrug. And you shoot Mistylake that same smile. That smile that had gotten you out of trouble from Underground Manehatten card games to high rollers in Las Pegasus.
Usually because it showed off your canines enough to scare whoever was looking. But some of them liked to be scared. You were pretty sure Mistylake here was one such mare.
”Those... Are not necessarily qualifications, Mr Anonymous,” She absolutely correctly points out.
“Oh? Do you believe it would be so bad to serve me? You would be under me, right? If I was head of household?” You ask, rubbing her leg with your foot. Your foot you had just taken a shoe off, leaving the lewd sock beneath.
”That... That would be correct Mr...” She mumbles.
“Please. Call me Anon," You offer.
”Anon,” She moans lowly.
“I know it must be unusual for a stallion such as myself to be in charge. But I think you... And the Princess of course," You explain.
”Of... Course," She gasps.
“Would find it a most pleasurable experience. Wouldn't you agree?” You offer.
”I...I...”
You remove your foot from its now much higher position up her leg.
“Something to consider. My contact information is all in my letter. You know how to get in contact with me," You explain. And a wink to finish it off...
Good. Damn, you're going to have to burn this sock.
You're awake long before the knocking started. Still, you are naked in bed, you ought to...
The door opens anyway, and you scramble to cover yourself with the duvet.
“Damnit. What?” You bark out. You turn to the door and curse yourself for shouting at, again, the ruler of the nation. The same ruler that has given you this room.
”Sorry Anonymous. Did I disturb you?” She asks, trying to sound as innocent as possible. You definitely see that barely hidden grin this time.
“Princess... Us humans are not naked around others. Not unless we're mentally ill or they are...” You explain carefully, stumbling on the words at the end there.
"Intimate?” She offers.
You rub your face with your hands.
”I do apologise. I just wish to check up on you before my day got too busy," She explains. You look to the window of your room. The dawn rays of the sun stream into the room.
“I didn't sleep. I just dreamt," You mumble.
She shoots you a quizzical look, and you try and wave it off. She seems to do a horsey little shrug.
You sigh and rub your tired eyes.
Her smile breaks slightly upon hearing that, but the regal mask returns.
You shake your head. You can't eat. Not right now.
She nods her head.
You wave her off.
Celestia coughs. You raise an eyebrow at her, but she simply nods and smiles.
“Sure," You reply, lazily waving your right hand to her, using the other to keep the duvet covering your bare chest.
Finally, she leaves. You stretch and walk out of bed, scratching your ass as you make your way to the en-suite.
Two weeks later found yourself out of the capital for the first time since you had arrived.
“Do you want to go on your own?” You ask sarcastically, aware of the fact that...
”I don't especially want to go," She replies, as you knew she would.
“Well, there we go. We're both here against our wills," You point out, shrugging sarcastically. Here, currently, was a basket of a hot air balloon. A couple hundred feet into the air. That was a first for you.
God this place was pretty.
You leaned further over the edge of the basket, only to be pulled back by Spike.
“What?” You almost shout.
”Are you trying to get yourself killed?” The little dragon asks.
You simply shrug at that.
”So. How have you been?” Twilight asks earnestly, searching your face. You consider the question for a second.
“I.. Could be worse. I'm actually getting some sleep occasionally, which is good," You explain.
”And your... Job?” She asks, staring intensely into your eyes, watching for something. What, you didn't know, but she certainly knew what she was looking for. You laugh at her tone.
“Yeah, Affirmative action at its finest right there. I don't know. Don't like the uniform...” You reply, flapping your white and gold uniform. A single-breasted waistcoat over a smart shirt, with black trousers beneath. “And people...”
”Ponies," She immediately corrects, smiling as she does so.
”People seem to have, I'm not really sure how else to put it, but a very high expectation of what I can do. As if they thought better of me for some reason. Yet when I ask, none of them could say why," You explain.
Twilight shrugs her shoulders... Withers?
“So I know why I'm here...” You begin to say.
"Cosmically?” Twilight asks sarcastically. The little twat laughs to herself as you roll your eyes.
“No. I mean, I know why I am in this hot air balloon. Why are you here?” You ask.
”Cosmically?” She asks, grinning to herself again.
“Don't start," You warn as you point at her, unable to keep the smile off your face. She coughs and sighs before answering.
”Celestia told me I have to plan the whole blasted sun celebration. Make sure everything is in order. Oh, and 'Have fun'," She replies, spitting out those last two words like they were an ancient curse.
“God forbid," You say drolly.
”She completely ignored me when I told her about Nightmare Moon!" She shouts, perhaps the first time you've ever heard her even slightly annoyed at Princess Sunbutt.
For some reason, your head hurts. You rub your temple for a seconds before replying.
”Don't drag me into this man," Spike asks. You shoot an apologetic smile at the Dragon.
"...So why are you here?” Twilight asks after getting over your insult, seemingly very confused by your presence.
You just smile in response.
”She's not just 'a boss'. She's the divine ruler of Equestria. She's the reason the sun rises and sets...” Twilight begins to list off. You roll your eyes and lean out of the balloon a little.
“If we're going to have another one of those talks, I will jump out. You can explain it to her why I'm dead," You warn.
”Feel free. We're almost there. You'll probably just get a few broken bones," Twilight replies with a shrug.
You glance down, and sure enough, the ground and even the houses and individual ponies have come into view. You narrow your eyes at Twilight as you step back from the edge.
“You win this one," You grumble. You wait in a fake huff as the balloon begins its final descent.
”So what do you actually plan to do with your day?” She asks after what you hope for the sake of your eyebrows will be the last fire the burner will spit out.
“Fuck all. I might just sleep in a park or something. I... Well, you know," You answer immediately and honestly.
”You sure you don't want to help me and Spike sort out everything?" She asks, probably just hoping you'll share her pain.
You just shake your head.
”The Library. Why?” She asks in return.
“Yeah, I'm going to take some sleeping pills and wake up when the Celestia arrives and I actually have to work."
Twilight glances worriedly towards the pill bottle you suddenly have in your hands.
“Horse Tranquillizers here aren't as good as they are back home. But they get the job done," You reply with a shrug.
”I meant self-medicating," She reiterates.
“I need to fucking sleep," You groan, more earnestly and a lot more tiredly than you intended to. You rub your temple again, soothing the ringing in your head. “I can't. Every time I close my eyes... I definitely dream. But I'm just as tired when I get out of that dream as when I fall into it.”
She pauses before she speaks again.
“Thank the pills. Nice, dreamless sleep,” You explain.
”Are you all right?” She questions, once again staring into your eyes, searching for the answer within the,
Of course, you're not all right. But there's no way you're telling her that of course.
Fuck you were tired.
Twilight laughs that fucking smug laugh of hers.God dammit, I can't stay mad at you, you fucking glorious unicorn.
You jump over the edge of the balloon and help lift Spike out as Twilight hops out. Your appearance, and Twilight's and the balloon's arrival, has drawn a small crowd. You lean down to whisper to the lavender unicorn.
“Where's the library?” You ask quietly.
She looks around, then points to a tree. You raise an eyebrow, silently asking her if she was actually being serious. In return, she just rolls her eyes and points at it again. With a chuckle, you exaggeratedly roll your own eyes, sigh, and walk away.
“Nothing to see here people, just go about your business," You explain as you raise your hands. That, shockingly enough, does nothing to stop the crowd from gathering. But they do at least part as you make your way to the great oak tree Twilight pointed out.
The crowd watches you walk towards it in terrified fascination, having absolutely no clue what you were. And you weren't exactly going to bother telling them either. Their stares do start to grow pretty fucking uncomfortable, but hey, you had gotten at least a tad used to this kind of thing in the last two weeks.
You enter the library, a little confused you didn't need a key, closing the door behind you. It was an interesting looking place. A hollowed-out tree, serving as a library. Bookcases carved into the wood, sconces hanging from branches that looked like a pretty obvious fire hazard. A quick look through the window confirmed that no one was going to come storming in to stare at the weird alien guy, you open the pill bottle and place one in your mouth, forcing yourself to swallow.
It's not exactly nice tasting, nor a pleasant thing to try and swallow, but it is a necessary one. Over the last two weeks, you had been having problems... Not so much sleeping as actually getting any rest. You slept alright. You definitely dreamt. You dreamed of what you guess was your possible future here in Equestria. Applying for jobs, commanding a ship through waters, leading some hedonistic cult. They were weird, weird fucking dreams.
Your vision began to narrow and darken as the drugs began to take effect. Sighing contentedly at the promise of a few hours dreamless sleep, you climb up the stairs inside the library, holding tightly to the bannister and railing as you ascend.
You aren't sure if there's more than one bedroom, and honestly, as you started to be barely able to stand, you can't quite care. So you fall into the first room on your right on the first floor, which thankfully turned out to be a bathroom. Managing to fumble around with the door lock enough to make it click and, perhaps, lock it, you step into the too-small bath, then decide against giving yourself cramp and just lie on the refreshing cold tiles.
Soon enough, you close your eyes, and let the darkness take you.
You awaken to a blown-in door, and a pissed off Twilight. Rubbing your head, and pulling it up from the tiles with your cheeks sticking slightly to it, you manage to just about sit up. Well, lean up, but you tried.
“Sup."
”Don't 'sup' me. Do you know how many ponies complained they couldn't use the upstairs toilet before I worked out where you were?” Twilight shouts.
“You had people around?” You ask, rubbing your eyes.
"I didn't want them. They just showed up. And immediately complained...” She whined.
“About the upstairs bathroom. Yeah, you said," You interrupt, clearly not exactly running on all cylinders. This time you successfully pull yourself up, gripping the basin to drag yourself to your feet.
"It was a full party," She explains, glaring at you.
“Oh wow. Well, then I am actually sorry I missed it. I could do with a drink," You say, rubbing your chin and smiling at her, hoping to distract her from her anger.
”You do not look like you need a drink," She points out bitterly.
You lean down and glance into the 'perfect height for a tiny horse' mirror. To be fair to Twilight, you do look like shit. Your hair is a tangled stuck up mess, your right cheek was bright red from where it had been pushed against the tiles and your uniform was creased to shit.
”Four hours," She bluntly replies.
You chuckle to yourself and step away from the mirror.
You turn to the pissed off unicorn.
”Unbelievable. How does Celestia put up with you?" She asks, utterly exacerbated.
“Probably pity," You reply, wincing a second later. That answer... May have been a bit too honest. The two of you stand there in silence for a few moments, thinking on what you said.
”Yeah sure. I'll be downstairs," Twilight replies awkwardly.
“Sure," You reply with a nod, before placing facepalming. You run your hand down your face, annoyed at your incredible ability to bring down the mood wherever you went.
"Twilight! I'm sorry!" You shout as she leaves the bathroom. She turns back to you, looking into your eyes pitifully. Unconsciously your fist clenches. You curse at yourself. She had every right to pity you.
"Don't... I'm sorry too," She whispers in return, just loud enough for you to hear. You sigh, and force a smile and a wave before you close whatever was left of the splintered door. Turning around and gripping the basin, you lean down and stare into the mirror, looking into your eyes and the dark bags beneath them.
Try as you might, you were never great a liar. You certainly couldn't hide secrets from Celestia herself, and it seemed you couldn't hide from Twilight either. The same old questions run through your mind, as they have for the two weeks since you had arrived. Why were you here? Why? How long? Was there any way back?
Why you?
But you wouldn't get any answers out of a mirror, or even from the person you can see within it. You'd likely never get any answers to those questions at all.
With a deep, long sigh, you begin the arduous process of preparing yourself to be seen in public.
You stand behind the Princess of the Sun as she frets about every last final detail. This was apparently the Celestia few got to see. Not that you knew, it was the Celestia you saw more often than not. The sheer amount of work and stress required for everything she did to appear stress-free and effortless was surely maddening.
Your job was just to stand there and to look pretty. And as sort of a minor footnote to the whole thing.Y'know, as minor a footnote "Ahh, an alien!" could possibly be.
Strangely, she isn't fretting about herself. Not her appearance, though she is looking as majestic as usual. Not the banners, decorations or anything like that. Nor a practise speech, or even the very act of raising the sun and bringing in the longest day.
No. It's about the stars.
”Please, I need to see the moon for this to work," She explains to one of the mares flying about trying to sort out the venue. You glance up to the skylight. Moonbeams were streaming into the room behind the stage. Heck, you could see at least the bottom half of the moon from where you were standing.
Even see those shooting stars moving ever closer to it.
Turning back to her, you spot Celestia kneeling down in her strange horsey way and glancing up towards the moon. Her guards are as stoic and nonplussed as ever, but you are no guard.
“Celestia? Are you all right?” You ask, genuine worry and confusion clear in your voice.
You turn your own gaze towards the moon, only to watch as four stars seem to collide with it. A cool stellar illusion of hers no doubt...
Well, you think that until the hundred craters that made up 'the mare in the moon' disappear.
”Everypony. There is no need to be frightened. What happens next is within my plan," Celestia commands gently as she stands up, your hand falling off her back as she did so.
What happens next? That's the exact kind of sentence that scares people.
The oil lanterns that lit the backstage were suddenly snuffed out, placing the room in near-total darkness except for the beams of light coming from the moon. Celestia turns to you.
You gulp. You can see the terror in her eyes. The fear. You reach up and pat her back, for lack of anything else you can really do. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and smiles at you. Before suddenly steeling herself and standing back up, her face cast into shadow.
You hear a noise behind you and move to stand in between it and Celestia, turning to face it. But you start to glow golden as Celestia gently moves you beside her instead.
The shadows lengthen, shift and swirl in eldritch patterns of form and void. Shadow and... Well, more shadow. The guards around you and Celestia step forwards towards that gathering darkness before it explodes out. They are thrown across the room and knocked out instantly. Even you are thrown to the floor, but yet Celestia still stands. Her mane and tail flowing in a non-existent wind.
The Shadows retract once more and begin to take shape. It takes, and perhaps you shouldn't have been surprised by this given where you were, the shape of a horse.
The beast stands as tall as Celestia. Its mane and tail a blue haze of the starry dark void above. Fangs form, then blue steel armour, then its horn. Finally, its eyes appear. Full of loathing. Full of hatred. Aimed squarely at Celestia.
Celestia, to your surprise, moves towards the thing. You reach out to stop her pointlessly, and the creature can only narrow its eyes even more as Celestia begins to speak.
The creature snarls and speaks. It's tone feminine, but still wroth.
You snap into action, up and running towards the creature. A blue grip of energy encircles and tightens around you, and you are unable to even blink as you are pulled into the air.
"What a fool you are to even think you could...” The foul creature of Shadow begins to say. But quite suddenly, she pauses as she looks upon your face. And for a moment, you see humanity and pain behind her cruel shadowed eyes. "Anonymous? How...”
What the fuck? How the fuck did this thing know you? How the hell did she know your name?
She nearly stops. Nearly pauses. But she shakes her head clear and the loathing returns, perhaps even greater this time.
You open your mouth or at least try to, but you are hit by a shadow, and start to scream as it feels like you are being ripped apart piece by piece. Mercifully, you fall into unconsciousness.
Author's Note
Sorry this one genuinely isn't as good as the first part, but readers of the green know the next part is a cracking one, this is just some set up for what is going on.
So, if it isn't obvious, Anon has been around for a long, long, long while. Every time he dies, his corpse, entire life story and past is replaced by something else. In the case of the previous Anon, a Unicorn named Brightsmile. This has happened throughout history, and only Celestia, Candance and... Well, the mare that popped up at the end right there remember who he was.
Expect the next update soon, cya later.
