DO NOT READ THIS: KEPT ONLY FOR INSPECTION

The town meeting was weird. We arrived early as to be ready.

“Okay, we explain who we are, how we know all these ponies, then take questions. Sound good?” I say

“Yeah” said Harry

“I still like my idea about handing out pies” said Price, arms crossed

“No!” said me and Harry in unison.

As Princess Celestia arrived, we all bowed but Price. I punched him in the leg.

“Dude! There is royalty in front of you! Bow, damnit!” I whispered harshly

“Oh!” he realized. He then bowed.

Princess Celestia then nodded and said “As you were”

“You’d think we were royal guards or sumthin’” whispered Price in my ear as we stood up

“Shaddap!” I whispered back. As ponies began to file in, Twilight floated a cordless mic into my hands. I gave her a funny look. There couldn’t be that many peop—I mean ponies arriving… Could there be? And besides, there was no cord, so it couldn’t amplify my voice.

“I know what you’re thinking” she said “Yes, we’ve developed enough that we have cordless microphones, and there will be that many ponies”

“Damn. I know you ain’t, but ‘re you telepathic or sumthin’?” I asked stupidly

“You said you knew I wasn’t, but you still asked?”

“I ain’t too bright…”

“I’m sure you’re a smart stallion, but that was just stupid of you”

“I’m technically not a stallion…”

“Whatever”

I decided to give the mic a test.

“Testing! Testing! Cinnamon bun. Having lotsa fun! Diggity doggity doo! So what’s it to you?” I sang

“Yeesh, your worse than Scootaloo” insulted Harry

“Hey, Scootaloo is best pony!”

“I thought AJ was?” said Price, confused

“AJ’s my favorite from the Mane Six, Scootaloo best pony in general, and my spot for best background pony is tied between Derpy Hooves, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, and Lyra Heartstrings. Now, everybody—I mean everypony, still not used to that, is going to be watching us, and you know how I get in front of a crowd” I said, flustered. I have extreme stage fright.

“You were never bad about replacing ‘pony’ with ‘body’ before. In fact, you used to do it with humans” reminded Harry

“You’re never going to fuck off about that are you?”

“Nope!” he said with a smile

“Well I wasn’t super really nervous then. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make an ass of myself” I say. Then I realized something. I held up the mic “This has been on the entire time, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah!” laughed Harry

I turned to the crowd, who were obviously holding back huge laughs.

“Go ahead, I don’t care, it’s very obvious you want to” I said. The crowd burst into laughter. After about 5 straight seconds, I had to stop them

“Okay, okay, I got 30 minutes so let’s get on with this. We’ll explain who we are, how we know all you ponies, then take questions. But before we begin, there’s something I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t ask. You!” I pointed to Golden Harvest, which Harry called Carrot Top, which I was about to fix “Is your name Golden Harvest or Carrot Top?”

“Um… Go-Golden Harvest?” she answered. Yes!

“In your face!” I screamed at Harry, pointing and jumping. “And I bet you, I bet you Doctor Whooves is in this audience, and his name is not Timothy!”

He thinks Doctor Whooves’s name is Timothy.

“Anyway, on with it…” said Harry

I explained about the human race, religion, the TV show, and the ever-growing fan-base and popularity. Bon-Bon’s face lit up when she heard the things about popularity.

“Wow, that didn’t take long at all. Well, I have to see something with my friends here so give us a minute”