DO NOT READ THIS: KEPT ONLY FOR INSPECTION

I turned to my friends and began to whisper. “Hey, I wanna make sure all the background ponies showed up. Look, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon”

“Brats” whispered Price

“I know, right? Just the kind of person—I mean pony, but I didn’t go to school with ponies, that used to bully me. Anyway, look, there’s my favorite background pony, Derpy Hooves. And look, Golden Harvest, but we already knew that. Bon-Bon and Lyra Heartstrings, always together, the best of friends kind of thing, are over there. Mister, Missus, Pumpkin, and Pound Cake way over are there. Colgate’s up front. There’s Doctor Whooves—“

“Timothy”

“Doctor Whooves”

“Timothy!”

“Doctor Whooves!!”

“Whatever…”

“Stargazer, Ditzy Doo, Snips and Snails, all the people from Hurricane Fluttershy…”

“Which episode was that again?” asked Price

“The one where Rainbow Dash had to get all that fucking water to Cloudsdale” Harry explained

“It’s over ninethousaaaaaand!!” I whisper-shouted

“Hey, Dragonball didn’t exist here ever, either”

“Whatevs, then there’s Octavia and… Hey, where’s Vinyl Scratch?” Octavia began to fidget. “Hey, look how Octavia is fidgeting. Maybe she knows where Vinyl is? It sucks she couldn’t make it, ya know? I always liked her with the ‘Wub-a-dub-dub, motherfucker!’ and the dubstep dishwasher and the ‘Goo-o-o-o-o-d morning, Ponyville!”

“That was just Epic Wub Time’s interpretation…” corrected Harry

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible that it happened!” I whispered “Hey, wait a second, Octavia only started fidgeting when I mentioned the fact that Vinyl Scratch was gone, Derpy is blushing, Diamond Tiara is seething and Silver Spoon is gone! And the Cutie Mark Crusaders are giggling their flanks off. Did I ever turn the mic off? No, I didn’t!” I raised my voice again and tried to sound as quirky as possible. “Well this is awkward! Question time, please none regarding what just happened.”

There were plenty of questions, and we answered as many as we could in time, and as everypony was leaving, I said: “Wait! Is there any way I can get a job around here?”

“You can work at my muffin shop!” said Derpy

“You actually have a muffin shop? Awesome! I’d be honored!”

“You can work at Sugarcube Corner with me, Price” said Pinkie

“Keep him away from the brownie recipè” teased Harry

“Hey!” screamed Price

“Hmpf!” grunted Pinkie