Diaries of a Madman

Chapter Two Hundred and Fifteen

Despite finding myself surrounded in darkness, I knew panicking would get me nowhere. A few possibilities came to mind. First, I was kidnapped by Discord again. Given the complete silence and lack of sensations around me, that seemed unlikely. Second, Flo forcefully pulled my consciousness away for making such a reckless statement. That also seemed unlikely, since she isn’t that mean. And third, the most likely, was that I had died.

The question was, if I died, when did I die? Was it during the pageant? Or did something happen several years into the future that led to me ending up several backups down the line? If everything went as planned, that meant Spike planted this particular seed at my old house near the Everfree. If it’s after the pageant, my vassals would likely be waiting for me.

But if it was several years later and someone was hunting me… They’d have a pretty good idea of where to look. If I truly did die, getting out of my cocoon as quickly as possible was my number one priority. After that, I needed information.

As soon as escape came to my mind, I heard a small crack. Moments later, something fell away from my face and a gentle light streamed through. Sure enough, I saw my house in Ponyville. A few lights were on inside, even though it was probably fairly late at night. The gentle light I saw was the moon and stars.

Once the bark around my face was clear, more of it started breaking away. Something behind me carefully eased my body out of the tree, easily knocking off all the remaining bark. My legs couldn’t handle the sudden freedom and I buckled forward. Something soft and warm caught me before I could hit the ground.

“My lady!” Kat screamed as she hugged me.

“Long time no see, Kat,” I casually replied. “So, best case scenario?”

“Oh, my lady!” She followed that with some incoherent sobbing as she pulled me tighter.

Thankfully, I heard someone else coming. “My lady!” Doppel shouted as she sprinted forward.

“Oh, Doppel, maybe you could—” Nope, she couldn’t. Instead of trying to explain anything, she hugged me and started crying as well.

I had an unfortunate feeling that was going to be a theme.

The next guest was a little more surprising. “Skyla? I figured you would have—”

Of course, Skyla wasted no time throwing herself at me as well. “Navi!” she shouted, rubbing her head against me as she started to cry. “Y-you can p-pet me all you want, I promise! P-please, just d-don’t leave us again!”

“I mean, I’m certainly not going to look that gift horse in the mouth, but last I remembered, you still hadn’t given me permission…”

She was too busy crying and sobbing with the rest to give me a more coherent answer.

The good news is that if everyone had time to cry, there probably wasn’t anyone out there trying to hunt me down. Then, another thing got me worrying. Were they all crying because they were happy to see me back, or were they crying because they had horrible news to give me? I mean, if there was something out there dangerous enough to kill me, there’s no telling who else might have gotten caught in the crossfire.

“I’d really like some info on what exactly happened,” I said. “Doppel and Skyla, you two can keep crying. Kat, you can cry later. Go into assassin mode for now.”

Much to my surprise, that didn’t work. Maybe she did some more reforming in the time since I made the seed. Thankfully, the sound of another set of hooves caught my attention. It didn’t sound like this pony was running, so they’d hopefully be willing to talk. “Oh, you’re finally up,” Taya nonchalantly said. “Good morning, mommy. Though I guess it’s actually kinda late, now.”

“Hey, Taya,” I said. “So, what happened?”

“You died.”

Dammit, there goes my killstreak! “RIP me, I guess. Can you be more specific?”

“You were killed while protecting Skyla from assassins. Don’t worry, though. You managed to kill or disable all of the attackers.”

“How long has it been since I made the seed?”

“About three weeks. It was planted right after you gave it to Spike, you died a little more than a week after it was planted, it fully matured less than a week later, and it’s been slightly over a week since then.” So my memories are technically only a week out of sync, discounting the time I spent dead. There’s no way the pageant could still be going on now, so I think I’m in the clear! It really was the best case scenario! Although…

“Did we lose anyone else?” I asked. If someone I cared about got hurt, it would be hard to call it a victory.

“A few of the guards that were assigned to the pageant, but nobody you seemed to know.”

“The death threat was supposed to be for me. I can understand guards dying, but why was I protecting Skyla?”

“A lot happened.”

Before she could go into more details, the two I expected from the beginning finally showed up. Darya and Flo enveloped me and the three people hugging me in a flood of water. “Hey guys, how’s it going?”

“Quite well, now that you’re finally back up,” Flo replied. “We’re confident that we can reconstruct your memories and play them back flawlessly, but they’ll be lacking any emotion.”

“I apologize for allowing your previous vessel to die, my lady,” Darya said.

“There’s no need to apologize. I probably did something dumb that led directly to me dying, so it was almost definitely my fault. And I only missed a week, so I don’t think we need to worry about the memories.”

“We can, of course, avoid the memories of the pageant,” Flo replied.

“I will only accept the memories of that week if you promise you won’t add the memories of the pageant unless I explicitly and specifically request them,” I replied. “No slipping them in under the radar due to uncertain wording.”

“Tch!”

“You don’t even have a tongue, so I don’t wanna hear it, missy. That said, I’d rather we wait until I’m inside. Unfortunately, the people clinging to me still seem to be crying…”

“Allow us to assist,” Darya said. Just like that, the two elementals began sliding us toward the house. Taya stepped out of the way, then followed along behind us.

“Taya said there were a few guard casualties. Any injuries or anything else? Or did my crew come out okay?”

“You made sure they remained safe,” Darya replied. “Well, with my help.”

“Good. My safety is obviously a lower priority, given that I can respawn.”

“That’s what I told Skyla after you were murdered in front of her, but she didn’t like that,” Taya said. “Cadance also said something mean to me, too…”

“That wasn’t very nice of her,” I said. “Speaking of which, she isn’t waiting for me in there, is she?”

“No, she’s back in her kingdom for now,” Flo said. “But she’s been notified that you’re awake, so she should be back here soon.”

“I’d really rather wait until I get my bearings, take a shower, regain some memories, and put on clothes before entertaining more visitors. I also have to fit petting Skyla somewhere in there. Probably after the clothes.”

“You should have told me that before I informed the others,” Flo said.

“...Others?”

Before she could reply, I found myself somewhere else. It was still dark and I could still see my house, but I was no longer surrounded by water. Doppel and Kat were also missing, but Skyla was still holding on tight. I didn’t have time to get my bearings before a pair of large wings wrapped around me, then forced me into a soft and fuzzy chest. “Welcome back to the land of the living,” Celestia warmly said. “You gave us all quite a scare, Nav. See there? Skyla’s still crying, even now.”

“I don’t see why anyone would be worried,” I replied. “I mean, we all knew I’d come back.”

“You, Taya, and the elementals were the only ones convinced of that,” Celestia replied. “The rest of us were concerned that our greatest hero left us forever.”

“Well, as you can see, I got better. So if you could set me down, I’d quite like a shower.”

“I don’t see why I’d have to let you go for that. The shower at the palace is large enough for all three of us!”

“I heard a pretty important national hero just died. Don’t you have important princess-y things to do related to that?”

“Celebrating the birth of a new hero is pretty important and princess-y, I believe,” Celestia smugly replied. “It’s disappointing Princess Skyla beat me here, but at least I’m more regal.”

Thankfully, we were disturbed by the return of Kat and Doppel. They both managed to stop crying and neither tried grabbing me. “My… my lady, how do you… feel?” Doppel asked.

“Just fine, but I’d like a shower and some clothes. I’d prefer no more visitors until I have time to get my head on straight.”

“I feel like that might be asking too much,” Kat said. “Doppel, Skyla, and I have been here ever since you died. Everyone else has just been hoping for word of your revival. Now that you’re up—”

She was interrupted by the appearance of Luna, who used magic to snatch me away from Celestia. Once again, Skyla managed to hold on tightly and was carried away with me. “My lady, you’ve awakened!” Luna shouted, forcing me against her own chest this time.

“Luna, put up an anti-teleportation field,” I said. “I don’t want more guests.”

“At once, my lady!” she happily replied. Her horn lit up brighter and a small bubble appeared over the estate. “I gleefully await more orders!”

“I’d like to cleanse my flesh prison, so I’m going to take a shower. I order you to stop anyone who gets in my way.”

“Your will be done, my lady.” She floated me and Skyla onto her back and started trotting off toward the house. My menagerie followed along. Oddly enough, that included Celestia.

“If you’re going to hang around, do you mind making yourself useful?” I asked, peering back at her.

“I intend to do a few magical checkups on you once you’re feeling better,” Celestia replied. “Until then, I’m happy to be of service.”

“I feel like this body will probably need energy. Can you make something edible?”

“I’d be delighted to. I’ll be sure to make your first meal something memorable!”

“First…? You know, technically speaking, you’re right. This is a brand new body, so everything will be a first. Speaking of which, what happened to my corpse?”

“I hid and magically preserved it before many ponies could see it,” Celestia said. “Witnesses were limited to those you know and the ones who murdered you, who have themselves been murdered. Now that you’ve returned, I will incinerate it.”

“That’s such a waste,” I said. “Unless it’s in the way or something, let me think about what to do with it.”

“Well… It’s your corpse, I suppose, so you’re free to do with it as you please,” Celestia replied with a shrug. “Though I never thought I would be able to say that sentence before.”

Luna finally got to the back door. It had been left open, probably from when Doppel ran out, so we let ourselves inside with no issue. Once we were in the kitchen, she stopped. “I don’t know my way around this house,” Luna said. “Where is your shower?”

“Down the hall and up to the top floor,” I said, patting her neck. “Though it’ll probably be safer for me to walk, now that we’re inside. I don’t want to smack my head against anything by accident.”

“As you desire,” she replied, using magic to float me and Skyla off her back. “Hm, she sure is holding on tight, isn’t she?”

At some point, Skyla stopped crying. Her grip wasn’t really all that tight, but she held on through a tsunami, teleportation, two bouts of levitation, and a short horseback ride. It really was kinda impressive, especially for such a young filly. I finally patted her head and gently picked her up. “Skyla, I’m back,” I said as I cuddled her.

“You… you died,” she whispered.

“I’m a tree sister. That means I have an innate connection with the land. If I die, I’ll come back. I lose some memories as payment, but it’s better than not coming back at all.”

“You died… for me…”

“You aren’t a tree sister. That means you can’t come back. So of course I’d die to protect you. There’s no need for you to feel guilt or sorrow. The correct thing to say is welcome back, preferably with a smile on your face.”

“But… Kat and Doppel were crying, too.”

“Kat’s weird and Doppel was just fulfilling her promise,” I said. “Please don’t use them as your baseline for what is or isn’t correct. Besides, neither of them are ponies. All the other ponies who showed up did so with a smile and warmly welcomed me back. You should learn from their examples.”

“That… That can’t be right, though! You were killed in front of me, Navi!”

“These things happen, Skyla. You just aren’t used to it because you’re so young. I mean, Kat has seen a ton of people die. Several of Doppel’s coworkers got executed. Every single one of Taya’s parents has died, including the adoptive one. God only knows how many people end up dead around Luna. And Celestia’s basically just a walking graveyard at this point. Death is a part of life. Specifically, the last little bit at the end. Sometimes you see it coming, sometimes you don’t. All you can do when it happens is move on. And in this particular case, moving on should be pretty easy, since I already got better.”

“Um… Isn’t death kinda a big deal, though?” Skyla asked.

“Nav’s right, even if she is relatively crude about it,” Celestia said, patting the filly on the back with a wing. “You’re taking her death hard because it’s the first time you’ve been through something like it. None of us find fault with that. And I can also assure you that if Nav didn’t have a backup plan like these seeds, the entire nation would be in mourning alongside you. But given the circumstances, Nav is right. The correct response is to smile and say welcome home. After all, how do you want to be greeted when you wake up? By someone with a smile and a kind word, or by someone frantically crying and sobbing?”

“...When you put it like that,” Skyla whispered.

“Nav is also greatly exaggerating, though,” Luna said. “Grief usually comes in stages. For the most part, my sister and I can get through such things with ease due to our age and experience. If my precious Lady Navarone were to leave me forever, however… I’d probably have to follow her to the grave.”

“I’m going to preemptively order you not to do that,” I said.

“So realistically, it depends on how close you are to the person in question when they die,” Luna continued, seemingly ignoring my reply. “As you bonded with my lady, and given that she died to protect you, it’s natural for you to grieve. But now that our lady has been returned to us, there is no need for any feeling other than joy. As she said, the natural thing is to smile. In fact, I couldn’t keep one off my face when I heard the wonderful news!”

Skyla stared up at me with her doe-like eyes for a few long seconds before a weak smile crossed her lips. “W-welcome b-back, Navi…”

“I’m home, Skyla,” I replied with a smile of my own, patting her on the head again. “Now, I’m going to take a shower. Taya’s going to help me. Doppel, can you make sure I have clothes ready when I get out?”

“I brought several sets over,” Doppel replied. “I’ll have them ready for you, my lady!” Her wings fluttered and she darted off, up the stairs.

“Kat, Luna, you’ll be in charge of keeping any new guests away from my shower. Please keep up the anti-teleport field until I get dressed, unless it starts using too much magic.”

“I can keep it up for a few hours, at least,” Luna said. “Be at ease, my lady. I will protect your shower with my life!”

“You don’t have to go that far. And Skyla, I’ll pet you when I’m dressed, so prepare your body.”

“I… uh, I will, I guess?” she replied. “What do I really need to do for that?”

“We can talk about that while I cook,” Celestia said, gently floating Skyla away from me with magic. “Everything will be ready for you soon, Navi!”

“Thanks. Come on, Taya.”

“Yes, mommy.” I wasted no more time downstairs and quickly set off before anyone could show up to try and distract me. Taya plodded along behind me.

When we got to my room, Doppel was digging through my closet. “I’ll be waiting here when you’re done, my lady,” she said. “I laid out towels and everything else you’ll need in the bathroom, as well. I’ll have something ready for you to wear by the time you’re done.”

“Thank you, Doppel,” I said. “It felt like no time at all passed to me, but… I’m glad to be back.”

“I’m filled with joy to the very bottom of my soul at your return,” Doppel said with a bright smile. “But we’re absolutely going to have a conversation later about how you left us all behind.”

“You are welcome to think that.”

“I also had plenty of time to practice with my tentacles, so I have the perfect punishment in mind!”

“...I’ll see you when we get out,” I replied, ushering Taya into the bathroom attached to the bedroom. Once the door was finally sealed and locked behind us, I sighed in relief. “Would you please put up a sound barrier?” My filly did so without a word. I spread my arms. She leapt into them, sobbing.

Once I managed to calm my filly down, we finally got in the shower. “I hate these stupid flowers,” Taya muttered as I began washing her mane.

“Yeah, they make brushing my hair basically impossible,” I said. “The upside is that they also keep my hair neatly in place, so I don’t need to brush it anyway. So, what was my death like? Were you there?”

“I wasn’t. Skyla was the only survivor and she was too shaken up to say anything, but luckily, Darya and Flo were able to tell us. Long story short, you two got separated from everyone else and attacked. You killed or fatally wounded all the attackers, but ended up killed.”

“I kinda already got that much. You said a lot happened, but it would take a certain demon we all know and hate to keep Luna away from me. Unless I actually did do something stupid like ordering her to stay away. Though I feel like in that case, she’d turn to Moonbeam, Twilight, or Celestia to save me instead.”

“Can you… ask Flo about that instead?” Taya quietly asked. “I really don’t wanna talk about it…”

“Of course. Did I seem to enjoy the pageant, or was I miserable the whole time?”

“You didn’t like the pageant itself, but you did like talking to the other contestants. You also really enjoyed fluffing the sheep contestant, whatever that even meant. She seemed okay with it, so it didn’t cause any problems.”

“Yeah, that seems like something I’d enjoy. Wasn’t she a princess, though? I may have met her back when we were living in Israel, but I kinda avoided people a lot then, so I might be wrong.”

“Apparently you shared some words in Israel, but not much. You got to know her at a spa session Fleur hosted right before the pageant started.”

“The last thing I remember is getting ready to leave for that session,” I replied. “So I’ll have to build all of those relationships again.”

“It’s not like any of them know you died. All they’re aware of is that you were gravely injured. As long as Flo can give your memories back, you shouldn’t need to start fresh.”

“Yeah, but she can’t give me anything related to the pageant. That spa session was related to the pageant, so it’s right out.”

“...Would you literally rather lose memories than experience the pageant?”

“Yes. I’m happy that I died and didn’t have to remember it.”

“That’s really hardcore, mommy. Also, kinda dumb.”

“That said, I promise that as I am right now, I wouldn’t go out looking to die just for the opportunity to forget something. I highly doubt I got myself killed on purpose just to forcefully forget. After all, Flo probably wouldn’t have allowed it.”

“Does that mean you’d be mad if I killed myself every time something happens that I want to forget?”

“There are very few situations wherein I wouldn’t be mad if you killed yourself,” I replied. “If you’re captured and are about to be tortured or are in a situation wherein rescue is impossible, I give you permission to kill yourself. In all other situations, ask me for permission first. If I’m not available, ask Flo.”

“Yes, mommy,” my filly replied. “If I ever want to kill myself, I’ll ask your permission first. So, can I kill myself so I can forget the trauma of you dying?”

“No. I know this sounds selfish, but I would really like to make sure at least one of us is alive at all times, so we have a clear and unbroken view of what’s going on. There is no one alive I can trust more than you, after all.”

“Isn’t that why we keep Flo around?”

“She isn’t alive. I want the world as viewed from the eyes of something that’s actually living. Flo will be good for helping us remember things, but there won’t be any emotions attached. I want the human element. Or I guess the tree sister element. Also, that’s not the only reason we keep her around. She’s a pretty useful secretary, xerox, and walkie-talkie. An all-around good multi-tool, to be honest.”

“I’m honored,” Flo said from the other side of the shower curtain. “I would like permission to wash your hair, Navi.”

“Granted,” Taya answered for me. “It would be kinda hard with my hooves, after all.”

Flo’s tentacles slid around the curtain and began toying with me. It didn’t really feel all that different from anyone else playing with my hair, to be honest. The water definitely felt good against the flowers, though.

“So, long story short, if I die, I want you to do your best to remain safe until I wake back up,” I said. “That way, you can fill me in on anything you thought was important. I’ll do the same should you ever die.”

“I feel like it would be better for you to just promise not to die again,” Taya said.

“Yeah, but that’s impossible. I mean, eventually something is gonna get me, even if it’s just time. Be more realistic.”

“I’m a perma-filly. Shouldn’t I try to be upbeat and happy, like Skyla?”

“Sure, if you started a few years ago. Trying it now just feels weird, like you’re forcing it for attention. Besides, if you want that, you should start by trying to get to Eva’s level. Once you get there, you might be able to aim for Skyla. Speaking of which, where are your siblings?”

“We were taking turns waiting for you here,” Taya said. “Today was my turn. We set up a few more teleport circles, so it’s easy for us to get from our house to their palace now. We can also go from our house in Canterlot to our house here.”

“I hope there’s a way to put restrictions on these things. I don’t want Shiny showing up every night to hide from his wife.”

“It’s not like it would stop the dreams,” Flo said. “Apparently he already tried distancing himself one night, but found himself right back in her loving grasp the instant he fell asleep.”

“Must be nice to be so loved,” I idly mused as I began rinsing out my filly’s hair. “I actually hadn’t really thought about that dream bridge. I’m glad it’s helping them keep their hearts connected, even while their bodies might be apart.”

“As a side note, he’s also begun requesting more and more coffee every day, usually at night,” Flo said.

“Interesting, but his habits aren’t my business. Well, unless we start charging for coffee. Oh, I could advertise that it’s drunk by royalty when I sell it to everyone else! Maybe I should make it my business…”

Taya sighed and leaned back against me. “Oh, mommy, it’s so good to have you back…”

“It’s good to be back,” I whispered, hugging her close. Her soft fur felt kinda gross since it was all wet, but I could deal with that if it meant cuddling someone important. “Though it’s kinda sad that you’re only saying that after I began talking business.”

“It wasn’t the business talk, it was all the talk about making Shiny suffer,” she replied with a calm smile. “You really are back… There aren’t any substitutes, after all!”

“I guess technically I’m not back,” I said. “More like I’m reborn, to be honest. So Celestia is correct when she says I’ll be experiencing a lot of firsts again. I guess I need to decide who to give my virginity to, now that I actually have the right to choose.”

“Couldn’t you save it until marriage?” Flo asked.

“Sorry, I’m too much of a skank. If it means that much to whoever I end up marrying, I’ll let them kill me before the wedding so my new body will be virginal. Speaking of, all my waifus should have been gathered during the pageant. Do you know if anything happened?”

“The first time you saw Moonbeam, she almost immediately dragged you away for some kind of punishment,” Taya said. “I don’t know the details, but it was almost definitely lewd and Twilight and Gilda seemed jealous. Later on, you had a private meeting with Moonie, Luna, and Celestia. Apparently she ended up being cleared of some kind of suspicion.”

“That’s good and bad. Bad because it means there’s still a lot of potential brides to choose from, but good because she’s one of my favorite choices.”

“...Is she above Twilight?” Taya asked.

“In terms of attractiveness, yes. In terms of personality, about on par. They both have troubling aspects. And they both have power, which is plenty attractive on its own.”

“Isn’t Moonie hideous, though?” Taya asked. “How is a cute pony like Twilight less attractive?”

“Moonie can turn into anyone, plus she can actually have kids. I’m not particularly interested in them at the moment, but having the option is always nice. And I’ve never really been attracted to ponies in the first place. I’ve just learned to take what I can get and find the positives where I can. One upside of Twilight is that she can turn into a human. One huge upside of Moonie is that she can turn into any human.”

“...I’ll have to start working with Twilight more,” Taya muttered.

“Anyway, how was the pageant received by the common ponies?” I asked.

“Lackluster at best, at the time,” Flo replied. “However, the noble ponies were all over it, along with the higher ranking members of the other races involved. And after your assassination, there was a huge surge in interest among the common pony. Next year’s pageant is sure to be a huge event. Fleur has already been informed that you will not be participating in any way, period. You won’t help organize, you won’t be a judge, you won’t compete, and you won’t even attend.”

“Good news all around,” I said. “Skyhold was supposed to arrive some time after the pageant began. Its arrival was also supposed to coincide with the announcement of the war against Tartarus. How did all that go?”

“It did arrive and you attended the ceremony welcoming it with Princess Celestia,” Flo replied. “The announcement about the war was pushed back, however. All of these questions and more will be answered once I return your memories, Nav. I know you’re worried, but it should be a safe and fast procedure.”

“I mean, it would be awkward to just shower silently. I figured small talk would be fine.”

“You don’t even need a shower in the first place,” Flo said. “I could clean you instantly.”

“But then I wouldn’t get to share my first shower with my filly. Besides, I just died, you know? I wanted something comforting… It’s not my fault a warm and pleasant shower feels better than your cool and chilly embrace.”

“Oh. I see how it is.”

“I’m glad.”

“Yes, I see full well.”

“Good.”

“My eyes have truly been opened!”

“Fantastic news. Are you done washing my hair?”

“Yes. Now I’m going to wash the rest of you. The warm shower water shall leave my embrace feeling much nicer!”

“Do as you must, but let me wash Taya first.”

“As you wish,” Flo replied, instantly calming down. “I shall be waiting patiently.”

“You sure have surrounded yourself with some interesting people, mommy,” Taya said.

“Don’t talk like that isn’t your problem, too. We’re stuck with these weirdos together, Taya.”

“Yeah, but they’re all obsessed with you, not me. That means it’s more your problem than mine, really.”

After a few seconds of thought, I sighed and started washing the rest of my filly. “By the way, is Ava still attached to me, or did she go out with the old body?”

“Hm, let me check…” Taya’s horn lit up for a moment and her eyes went up above me. “Yep, still there. Hey, Ava. How’s it going?” A few seconds passed, then she smirked. “Ava wants me to ask how you liked being dead.”

“I don’t really remember. For me, it was like an unbroken line. The instant I took the seed out of my body, I woke up in the tree. I have no memories of the time in between. And now that I know how it works, I’m never letting another person touch one of my seeds again. And Taya, the same goes for you. Give no seeds to anyone else for any reason, myself included.”

“I… don’t understand, but okay.”

“The instant you wake up, you’re naked and alone wherever you planted the last seed. If you gave it to someone else, they could put it anywhere, and they’d be the only one who knows where you are when you’re at your most vulnerable. Giving someone that much power over you is too dangerous.”

“I feel like you’re being paranoid.”

“Probably. However, I can’t help but shudder at the thought of one of my more obsessive lovers gaining access to one of my seeds, then lying to me when I wake up about how everyone else betrayed me. I’d have no way of knowing the truth and no way of escaping.”

“Yeah, but again, that’s more your problem than mine,” Taya said. “And Aqua cured me of the worst of my obsession before you killed her, so I feel like you could at least trust me. Sure, I definitely want to keep all your cuddles and belly rubs to myself, but I know your heart would never be in it if I did. That would make it pointless, a waste of time and effort. So there’s no reason for me to kidnap you anymore. Now that I’m your eternafilly, you’ll always have to come back to me anyway, right? And for what it’s worth, Ava also thinks you should trust some of us a little more.”

“I… will take that into consideration. Now, let me rinse you off…”

As soon as my filly was cleansed, Flo struck. She wrapped her comfortably warm body around mine and locked me in her tight embrace. Not even an hour out of my tree and I was already getting absolutely covered in bitches.

“Are you ready for the memory transfer?” Flo asked in my head. “I believe it would be better for it to happen while you’re with just your filly and I. I also believe that sooner would be better than later.”

How long will it take?

“I’ll span the memories out over a few sessions. We’ll take short breaks in between so you can catch your breath. But it should take less than half an hour, all things told, unless you would like to take longer breaks.”

Remember to skip the pageant scenes unless you have my direct permission to relay them.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Flo replied. “You really don’t have to be such a baby about this.”

I’ll decide that after I see how and why I died. Even now, it’s hard for me to believe I didn’t let it happen.

“...Beginning memory upload,” Flo replied. “I’ll be here for you when it’s over.”

“My lady, you really shouldn’t say things like that,” Kat said, looking over at me dubiously. “We need to tell the princess about this.”

“Of course. Flo, can you let Celestia know?”

“Done,” Flo replied. “She is requesting permission to take possession of the letter.”

“Allowed,” I said, taking the letter back from Kat and holding it up. It teleported away a moment later. “Just in case, here’s the envelope, too.” As soon as I touched it, Celestia spirited it away as well. “Alright, that’s that. Now, let’s get me dressed for this silly spa trip.”

“Please try to take it seriously, even if you think it’s silly,” Kat said as she walked over to the clothes she dropped to the floor. “This is important to Fleur, after all. And… Well, it’s actually important to me, too. I always dreamed of doing something like this as a kitten… Me, competing in a beauty pageant…” She followed it with a strangely cute giggle. “It seems that many of my old dreams are coming true around you, my lovely lady… So I swear to you, any assassin who wants to harm you must go through me first. I will judge their skill with my own flesh and blood. Only if they’re worthy will they gain the right to stand before you.”

“Well, to be fair, most of my fights against assassins were won through luck. I do like fighting them, but it’ll be difficult if I’m all dolled up. Hopefully, the guards will actually do something useful and capture the assassins before it even becomes a problem. But given the quality of the standard Equestrian soldier, I’m not optimistic.”

“They better not assign any standard guards to this case,” Kat replied. “A threat was made against a participant of a prestigious, government-sanctioned event involving other countries, including representatives of their ruling classes. That letter should be enough to ensure that only the most elite of the elite will be guarding us. Not that it matters, since we’ll be making sure Luna never loses sight of you. It’s essentially impossible for anything to hurt you if she’s around.”

“If you said that to me five years ago, I’d call you crazy.”

“How do you feel about this skirt and blouse, my lady?” Kat asked, holding up a pair that seemed innocuous enough to me, though the skirt was definitely on the shorter side.

“I feel like they’re clothes,” I replied with a shrug. “I wouldn’t mind wearing them, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Would it kill you to be a little more enthusiastic about this?”

“Probably not, but that doesn’t mean I should risk it. And don’t worry about underwear. We’ll all be stripping down at the spa anyway.”

“Hm… I foresee myself getting distracted on the way there… I’ll have to be sure to sit on the opposite side so I can watch…”

“They aren’t that jiggly! Not like you can talk with that utterly lewd body of yours. Now hurry up so we can get ready.”

“Of course, my lady.” Kat swiftly covered me in clothes and had me looking neat and proper. “Shall I bury the seed for you?”

“It’ll be step one of cleansing the Everfree Forest,” I said, picking up my clone seed. “I’ve already arranged for it to be dropped off while we’re gone. Once I give it to Spike, I’ll be ready to go. So, shall we?”

“...Spike, huh?” Kat muttered. “I guess you have known him longer, but…”

“So, shall we?” I asked again, slightly louder.

“Of course, my lady,” she replied with a perfectly innocent smile. “Let me get the door for you!” My utterly loyal blood servant did just that, so I graciously let myself out after making sure to grab the small bag of bits.

Fleur was waiting for us in the sun room, daintily sipping at a cup of thai tea. The instant Doppel’s eyes met mine, she began pouring another cup with a smile on her face. Spike was sitting a few seats away, staring somewhat dubiously at his own cup. Watcher and Zecora were sitting next to each other across the table. Watcher had some paperwork in front of him, but was currently watching as I approached. Zecora was using a small file to carve something into a gem. Gentle green flames lit up every time the tool touched the gem, guided by whatever spooky nonsense she was all about. Fleur was doing a very good job of looking everywhere but Zecora as I approached.

“Lady Fleur has been telling us something interesting,” Watcher said when I got close enough. “You’re going to a spa?”

“Indeed, that’s right,” I replied with a nod.

“And Darya told me you just got a letter threatening your life,” Watcher added, making Fleur choke on her tea. “Are you still planning on going, even despite that?”

“The letter said it was going to happen during the event itself, not before,” I replied, waving a hand. “Besides, Fleur went through a lot of effort to put this together. I couldn’t just bow out now and ruin it. Although I guess I could just cancel my appearance in the contest altogether as a safety measure… Oh, that’s actually a perfect—”

“Absolutely not,” Fleur shouted, slamming a hoof against the table. “I have put too much time, effort, and influence into this event to have it called off by some… murderous hooligans! There is no fool alive who can murder you before Princess Celestia herself, let alone Queen Moonbeam, Captain Blossom, your vassals, and the most elite of the soldiers in the kingdom!”

“Are we just not gonna talk about that time I fake assassinated Celestia during the Gala?” I asked. “Forgive me if I have doubts about the efficacy of Celestia’s military, let alone her own defense.”

“This will be different!” Fleur said. “After all, we’ll have you on our side, this time! Not to mention Kat’s experience with the subject, Gilda’s brilliance, and the resources of several of the most powerful nations on the planet! We’ll show those haughty assassins who they’re messing with! As you yourself said, Nav, you can’t just bow out and ruin this now.”

“You’re willing to put our lady’s life at risk for this?” Watcher asked. “You were supposed to have changed, Lady Fleur. Can you truly say that when you’re gambling with the life of another?”

“It’s your job to ensure it is not a gamble,” Fleur said. “There’s no chance this assassin would just leave the countess alone should she choose to bow out now. Isn’t it much better to have her in the most well-guarded place imaginable?”

“And how could you possibly take responsibility, should the worst happen?” Watcher asked.

“We all know death won’t be enough to stop me,” I said, holding up my seed. “If you’ll recall, I have backup plans.”

“...If you’re willing to consider that a viable alternative, there are no words to convince you otherwise,” Watcher said, finally easing back in his seat. “But please, my lady… take a guard with you to the spa, someone aside from Kat. I’m sure Zecora would be willing.”

“You just want to see how pretty she looks after getting beautified at the spa,” I said, finally handing the seed to Spike, along with the ten bits.

“Wait, you were serious about the money?” Spike asked. “I mean, I’ll definitely take it, but I thought you were joking.”

“I wouldn’t mind bringing her, though,” I said. “Assuming you wouldn’t mind guarding me, Zecora.”

“I am hardly a conventional guard, but I will see what many do not,” she replied. “I also have friends with eyes in all places, meaning I can find any who stalk us. Your shaman shall allow no harm to come to you.”

“Thank you.” I finally sat in the chair Doppel picked for me, then drained the cup before me. “It’s actually really good, Spike. Don’t let its appearance fool you.” Doppel refilled my cup, beaming all the while.

“I’m not used to drinks that smell spicy, but if you say so…” He finally took the dive and tried it. “Hm. Yeah, I see how you could like this. It’ll take some getting used to, though. I’ll go and plant your seed as soon as you leave, Nav.”

“Thanks. Make sure it’s in a place that’ll get a lot of light, if possible.”

“It’ll be the perfect spot, I promise. I just hope you’ll never need it.”

“When do you plan to make your next seed?” Watcher asked.

“It won’t be until after the pageant. Making them takes extra energy and I want to be at my best while waiting for the assassins. And as long as I have the time, I’ll probably plant it myself. That’ll also give us a chance to see how the Everfree reacts to one of our trees before we start planting more.”

“You’re planting that in the Everfree Forest?” Fleur asked.

“Just outside it, actually,” Spike replied. “There aren’t many monsters in that forest that can threaten a dragon, but even I would hesitate to go in there all by myself. Nav’s the only one crazy enough for that.”

“That’s not a nice way to describe a lady, Spike,” Doppel said. “Especially my lady.”

“I stand by it, though,” he replied, finally drinking more of his tea. “Yeah, it’s growing on me. Still, I can’t believe you served this to a princess, Doppel.”

“I served it to two of them, actually,” she replied. “Plus a half-baked prince, if you’re willing to count that mess of a stallion. And yes, our lady may be crazy, but you still shouldn’t call attention to it. Especially not in front of guests!”

“Oh yeah, I guess Fleur is a guest. My bad. Sorry, Lady Navarone is the only one daring and brave enough to walk into the Everfree by herself.”

“That’s much better,” Doppel said with a nod, before walking over to refill his cup. “You can be cultured when you try, Spike!”

“I spent most of my time with Twilight, but I am technically Celestia’s adopted son,” Spike said. “I know enough etiquette. It’s just, like, what a pain, am I right?”

“Truer words have rarely been spoken,” I replied with a smug grin.

“It sounds like this slacker has infected you,” Fleur said, looking at Spike with pity. “You remember that you’re in the presence of two noble ladies, right?”

“What’s so noble about that?” Spike asked, pointing at me. “Sure, I guess she’s technically a lady, but I mean…”

“Truer words have rarely been spoken,” I replied again, with an even smugger grin.

“Doppel, I think we need to train Nav from the ground up,” Fleur said.

“I’ve been trying, but she’s stubborn. Hopefully once I get my tentacle game down, we can teach her to behave properly.”

“Our lady is perfect the way she is,” Kat said. “She has no need for dignity or poise. She’s above such mortal concerns.”

“See, Kat gets me,” I said. “I may be immortal, but even I don’t have time to act all stuffy and boring. That makes her my current favorite.”

“Hey, what about me?” Spike demanded.

“You made me pay you for a simple favor. Kat’s cuter and she actually seems to be trying to behave. Plus, she’s siding with me while I’m getting bullied. You’re just sitting there and watching.” Kat sweetly smiled and daintily sipped her tea. “On an unrelated note, what’s Gilda’s status?”

“She’s almost finished with decontamination now,” Kat said. “She’ll be back within five minutes.”

“Zecora, is there anything you need before we leave?” I asked.

“Once I put these away, I’ll be ready to go,” Zecora said, carefully sliding her tools into a bag. “I’ll be back downstairs in just a moment.” Once everything was secured, she grabbed her bag and trotted off.

“...I didn’t really think about it until now, but should I have tried to get a zebra contestant?” Fleur asked. “Or are they close enough to ponies that they count as the same?”

“In my time, zebras were genetically similar enough to horses and ponies to be able to breed with them,” I replied. “However, their offspring was generally infertile, which meant they weren’t quite the same species, just really close. It was the same with donkeys and horses, and zebras and donkeys. I got to pet a zorse once. It was pretty cool looking. I don’t know if any of this applies to the species now, though.”

“Well, we didn’t get a donkey participant either,” Fleur said. “So I suppose not having a zebra contestant isn’t a big deal. But… does that mean zebras and donkeys should be allowed to compete for the prize of Miss Equestria?”

“I dunno, maybe? Focus on your own competition. Don’t worry about theirs.”

“Right… Of course. One thing at a time. It’s too late for any last minute changes, so I must focus on making sure everything goes smoothly. To that end, please tell me more about this threat you received.”

And so I did. That said, I had basically no information, so it didn’t take very long. “I sent the letter over to Celestia so she can begin investigating,” I said. “I’m not sure if you’ll want to change anything on your end. I’m not worried about getting hurt myself, but I don’t want anyone near me to get caught in the crossfire.”

“As I said, it’s too late for any changes. We can add more and better guards, but I don’t think there’s much else we can do. But given the audience, I don’t think there’s a chance you’ll be in any real danger.”

“It isn’t too late for me to drop out entirely,” I said with a large smile.

“You already surrendered, Nav,” Fleur said. “I won’t let you escape this. If it kills you, I’ll apologize when you wake up.”

“To be honest, if I die, it’ll probably be my own fault. That said, it’s one hundred percent your fault that I’m going to the pageant, so the blame will still be shared. Anyway, Doppel, is there any pressing business before I head to the spa?”

“Will you be eating out tonight, or will you be coming back for dinner?” she asked.

“We have a reservation for after the spa,” Fleur replied for me. “Nav, Kat, and Princess Gilda will all be joining us. Along with Zecora, of course. That is right, isn’t it? Zecora?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Doppel replied with a nod. “My lady, I know you’re immune to poison, but I still want you to let Flo or Darya check your food before you eat.”

“She’s right,” Kat said. “A lot of assassins learn to cook in order to impersonate chefs. It makes poisoning targets much easier. Unfortunately, all the recipes I know are difficult to make with the spices available, so I can never make anything for my lady… But I’ve been learning local dishes, so I should be up to speed soon!”

“Ah, if only I had someone so devoted to me,” Fleur said, looking over at Kat warmly. “Your loyalty is refreshing, Kat. You think only of serving your lady.”

“That’s not true,” Kat replied with a small smile. “My lady has been encouraging me to delve into my own interests. As it so happens, beauty pageants, cooking, and playing music are all things I happen to enjoy. Sharing them with my lady makes it all even better!”

If Kat really does manage to stop being crazy, she might actually manage to seduce me again. I’ll have to be wary. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, but I don’t want to fall completely back into old habits. “It’s good you’re finding happiness here, Kat,” I said. “I was worried for a while that you would find it hard to find a place for yourself in Equestria.”

“I’ll always be happy by your side, my lady!” she instantly replied.

“That’s the proper answer for my current favorite, alright,” I said with a nod. “That said, it would be better if you didn’t act like my vassal when we’re doing pageant-related things. I don’t want to give anyone the impression that you might be throwing the competition as a favor to your lady.”

“I understand, my lady,” Kat replied with a nod. “Though I hope you don’t expect me to act distant. I’m afraid just the thought of it makes my tail droop…”

“Too many of the contestants know us for that to be a useful tactic. There’s no reason to pretend like we don’t know each other. Just don’t fawn over me.”

“Doesn’t that mean you’ll need a maid at the spa to help take care of you?” Doppel asked.

“I’m afraid not,” Fleur said. “As much as I’d like to invite you, this is for contestants only. I know a few of them are also bringing a single guard, but no more than that. I didn’t want to risk maids potentially getting in the way of socializing between the contestants. If any of the ladies needs assistance, she can ask one of the other contestants. Though I would prefer if contestants who weren’t overly close worked together with others they don’t know. So to that end, it would be better for you two to help someone you don’t know as well, like the sheep or changeling contestant.”

“Hm… The sheep contestant sounds… fluffy,” I said, rubbing my hands together. “I would be very interested in helping her, I think.”

“Nav, you better not molest that princess,” Fleur said.

“I swear I won’t do anything she doesn’t explicitly approve of. But… princess, you say?”

“She’s engaged.”

“Oh, never mind. I’ll leave it at fluffing, then. It’s been a little while since I spoke to Octavia, so maybe I can pet her some, too.”

“Wouldn’t it be good to build up a better relationship with Kumani?” Fleur asked. “When we spoke about you, she sounded… awkward.”

“That relationship was a mistake, but it sure was a fun one… I’m not sure if it really can be repaired, but if it can, I won’t be the one who stands in the way of it.”

“Relationship, you say?” Princess Gilda asked, appearing from the main doorway with Zecora on her heels. “What’s this I hear, Nav?”

“I spent a few months dating a dragon named Kumani,” I replied. “She’s the dragon contestant for the pageant, by way of being the only female dragon I’m semi-sorta friendly with who isn’t also literally insane.”

“There’s apparently a princess in the roaming dragon clan, but I have no idea how to get a message to them,” Fleur said. “I asked Nav to help recruit someone for me while he was in Iceland, and apparently Kumani agreed without much prompting.”

“Any other dragon would have at least asked to be paid,” Spike said. “For beings with so much time on our claws, most of us seem to hate using any of it productively, unless there’s a direct and immediate benefit in it for us. Well… not that we really ran into many friendly dragons while we were there, anyway…” He sighed and took another sip of tea.

“Hm, if only Fizzle would have agreed…” I idly mused, making Spike spew his tea all over the table. Doppel spent a second glaring at him before hurrying off to get cleaning stuff. “Anyway, now that Gilda has joined us, shall we head off to the spa?”

“Let’s, my lady!” Kat immediately replied, hopping to her paws.

“Yes, it would hardly do to keep the others waiting,” Fleur added as she stood. Since leaving seemed to be set in stone, I finished off my tea and joined the cool kids by standing. “Oh, Princess Gilda, will you be bringing a guard?”

“I have Nav to protect me,” the princess replied. “Plus Kat, and it seems Zecora will be joining us as well. And surely this Kumani that Nav seems to be so fond of would attack anyone who assaults any of the other contestants. Besides, I have no guards I could call upon with such short notice. This event has to have been planned long enough for you to get a sizable reservation at the most famous spa in Canterlot, so why are we just now hearing about it?”

“That’s a valid question, actually,” I said. “I understand not telling me, but Gilda actually has a schedule and responsibilities.”

“...I sent the invitation to the griffin capital, actually,” Fleur said with a small blush. “I’ve been so busy recently that I never thought to ask if you received it. And I told Kat, expecting she would tell her lady as well…”

“I knew my lady wouldn’t care and would rather spend her brain power on almost anything else, so I didn’t tell her. Then I got so busy with the bunker that it slipped my mind, too…”

“Well, let’s stop playing the blame game and get going,” I said, finally walking toward the door. Kat and Fleur followed along, of course. “I have a sheep princess to fluff, after all.”

“You intend to put your hands on yet another princess?” Gilda asked with a scoff.

“Fleur is encouraging it, so I’m just trying to meet her expectations,” I replied. Doppel hurried back into the room right before I could get to the exit, carrying a bucket and some rags.

“Fleur is, hm?” Gilda said. “I suppose I’ll just have to spend some time talking to this Kumani character, then.”

That… might be awkward, but hopefully nothing will come of it.

As we all got to the exit, I heard Doppel loudly say, “So tell us all about this Fizzle while I clean, Spike!” The sound of his awkward laugh made me smile.

An instant later, I found myself in another place and another time, surrounded by a soft warmth. That’s right, I died… And now I know what Flo meant when she said the emotions wouldn’t come through. I remember the feeling of my mouth smiling, but… it’s more like I was just watching through a TV screen, not like I was actually experiencing it myself. Maybe… I should consider dying more of a problem, if this is the only way I can experience my own memories again.

“You should have never stopped seeing it as a problem in the first place,” Flo replied in my head.

“It’s a very inhuman outlook,” Darya added. “You’re pushing your suicidal desires onto other people, hoping they’ll do you the favor of putting you out of your misery. But that only pushes the guilt of killing you onto them.”

It’s not like anyone would let me do it myself. I’d be perfectly willing to keep that guilt to myself, but I’m on 24/7 surveillance.

“We all know you wouldn’t do it,” Darya said. “Because you know full well that Taya would follow right along behind you. From the perspective of something unliving, something with only simulated emotions… I don’t understand how you could treat the gift of life so poorly. Those memories you just experienced… That is how we normally live, my lady. The only way for us to experience true emotion is through our host. When I think about the warmth you’re always surrounded by, I ask myself why you’d be so quick to just throw it all away. If I had such a thing for myself, I would hold onto it as tightly as I could, never letting it escape my grasp. Yet you lament it as a curse…”

It is a curse! I had my chance at life already. I lived it fully and I should have died a normal death. But instead, my soul is shackled to a demon who has been torturing me for eons. Asking for death isn’t throwing my life away, it’s returning things to the way they should be. But anyway, we’re pretty far off topic. That was pretty short for a memory upload, Flo.

“The rest of that night was dedicated to the spa, then the restaurant, then the sleepover on your massive bed, all of which are events linked to the pageant,” Flo replied. “I thought you might like a short break before the next day began.”

Oh… Right, that. Man, and I bet that sheep was so fluffy, too… Well, I can always pet her again later. About what percentage of my time was spent on pageant-related things that week?

“Slightly less than half,” Flo replied. “Between the assassins and all the time you spent after the pageant having meetings and interviews, you were generally working on pageant-related things from around noon until the time most ponies go to bed. By skipping every single memory directly related to the pageant, you’ll be losing about three and a half days, combined. It’s not too late to change your mind, Nav. All the friends you made will be disappointed that you don’t remember any of the time you spent together.”

It was about three and a half days, combined. Sure, a lot can happen in that time, but most of it would have been spent wearing a mask. As much as I teased Fleur by acting out, I fully intended to behave myself at the pageant. Any memories they may have made were almost definitely made with one of my masks. Going forward, they’ll be dealing with the real me. Now, shall we begin the upload again?

“Raising a host sure is difficult,” Darya muttered.

“For the most part, it’s a rewarding experience,” Flo whispered back. “But she’s so stubborn sometimes… Well, let’s get back to the memories, I guess…”

“Why the basement, Taya?” I asked when the two of us appeared next to the spring under my house near Ponyville. “If we’re here to practice, the yard would save us time.”

“It’s easier to memorize enclosed spaces, and this is where I spent the most time when I wasn’t in my room,” she replied. “You know how hard it is to map out your destination properly when everything is always growing or someone might be standing in the way?”

“No, not in the slightest. Anyway, let’s head upstairs.”

“If you hadn’t seduced all those ladies, we could have just practiced in the backyard of the other house,” she said as she walked over to the door.

“That sheep was just so fluffy, Taya. I couldn’t say no. Besides, once they found out Kat and Gilda were already staying at my place, most of the rest of them wanted in as well. Then Fleur jumped on it and it became a thing. So realistically speaking, this is that sheep’s fault for tempting me with her body.”

“...Mommy, you whore. Wait, no, sorry. Mommy, you slut.”

“Thank you for correcting yourself, Taya. Words have power, so speaking properly is important. Now that we’re alone, there’s something I want to ask. Do you think we should offer to let any of our vassals or retainers become tree siblings like us?”

“I feel like your harem would grow too big if they all lived as long as we do. But some of your herd don’t age anyway, so I’m not sure if it would really matter…”

“I don’t mean my lovers, I mean the people who serve us. Like Watcher, Doppel, or Sentinel. Sure, there’s been some overlap between the two groups, but they’re still distinct.”

“Well… They all seem loyal, but some of them also really annoy you. The longer we wait to decide, the higher the chances of losing them. Speaking for myself, I would like to have Doppel around forever, for sure. I know Kat bothers you, but I like her a lot, so she’d be fine with me as well. I’d like to keep Watcher around, but I don’t think he would want that. I think he said he’d rather die a natural death as a normal pony. Flash Gourd is useful, but he’s pretty rough and not around as much. You mostly just made him a vassal because he’s the captain of the ship, right? Luna’s already immortal, so we don’t need to worry about her. Same for Spike. The rest… I dunno, it seems like a lot of power to be giving someone who isn’t completely loyal.”

“...If I think of it as protecting my belongings, does that mean I’m becoming a real noble?” I asked.

“I think it’s perfectly normal to want to own those who are most precious to you,” Taya replied. “Would you really be fine if Kat just up and left tomorrow? I know she bothers you, but…”

“Kat is going nowhere,” I said. “I own her. She isn’t allowed to leave us.”

“See there? So do you really want to risk her dying on us? The way things stand now, she’s incredibly valuable.”

“Hm. Well, at the very least, we can’t do anything until the pageant is over…”

We finally got outside, into the cool night air. The changeling guards that kept an eye on the place during the day were nowhere to be seen, not that I particularly minded. I knew Spike planted the tree somewhere in the backyard, but I couldn’t see it anywhere. That said, I could… feel it, in a way. I just intuitively knew where it was. He planted it closer to the back wall, where the house wouldn’t cast much shade on it.

“It feels weird to think that there’s going to be a town here soon,” Taya said.

“I’m looking forward to it. Things in Equestria might actually start changing soon, for the first time in almost a thousand years. We’re going to drag the world forward into the future and make a ton of money doing it, Taya.”

“That’s pretty cool beans, mommy.”

“You don’t have to imitate my slang, Taya.”

“I know,” she replied with an unusually angelic smile. “I just do it because I want to!”

“Well… Shall we get to it, then?”

“Yep!”

And so I spent most of the night playing with my filly. It seemed like it was probably a fun experience, which is a big shame since I can’t feel any of the emotions when I remembered it. Maybe I should update these journals more often so I can put the feelings to paper, but… with everybody reading them, it feels awkward. I kill them as soon as I catch them, but the bodies just keep piling up.

About an hour before dawn cracked, I remembered once again that I died. I found myself back in the shower, wondering where it all went wrong. Why did the gravy train stop this time?

“When you get back to your mansion in Canterlot, you’ll be meeting with all the contestants again for breakfast,” Flo replied. “I figured if dinner and the slumber party counted, breakfast would as well. To that end, I pulled you out for the moment. Things will pick up again after breakfast.”

Ah. Thanks, Flo. I’m sorry that Fleur’s unreasonableness forced this upon you.

“While it is true that if she didn’t twist your arm into competing in the pageant, you wouldn’t have died and actually been happy to forget things, you could still get over yourself and remember the bad times anyway. You’re ostensibly an adult, Nav. If you were able to handle the pageant once, you can survive it again.”

I may be an adult, but I’m not an adult who enjoys misery. If I can avoid remembering something I hated, isn’t that for the best? Especially if the only memories I can recover are stale and watered down. Besides, I clearly wasn’t able to handle the pageant. It killed me, after all.

“Even times of misery contain moments of glee. Your obsession with the sheep’s fluff, for example. It enraptured you.”

You’re so stubborn, Flo.

“...Continuing memory upload,” she replied.

When the last of my guests sidled out, I was left sitting at a table with Taya, Cadance, Skyla, Shining Armor, Princess Gilda, Kat, and Twiggles, who was currently rubbing herself against my side.

“...You smell like wool,” Twilight muttered as she forced her own scent on me.

“The sheep princess seduced mommy with her body,” Taya replied.

“Taya, she’s engaged,” I replied. “You shouldn’t slander a princess in that way. It’s more accurate to say that her fluff… enticed me. Anyway, the pageant starts later in the evening, but I’ll need to be on site for most of the day. Glade said the deer royalty should be arriving soon, so Taya will probably be exploring Canterlot with Bramble. I’d also like to introduce King Aspen to Doppel and Spike. I did promise I’d introduce him to a few predators, after all.”

“The king really wanted to meet more predators?” Skyla asked, tilting her head.

“He’s spent most of his life in his own kingdom, which almost never gets guests,” I replied. “He also rarely has a chance to experience new cultures. As far as I know, Aspen has never actually met a predator before.”

“Wait, then what are you?” Shiny asked. “Didn’t you brag about being a predator or something?

“Humans are omnivores. We eat both meat and plants. Even though I’m no longer a human and get most of my energy from the sun, I still need nutrients from plants and meat to survive.”

“I wonder if that’s actually true, though,” Twilight said. “I mean, obviously you still need to eat, but I wonder if you still need the same nutrients that your original human body did. It’s possible you could survive without meat.”

“Sure, it’s possible, but that would just be surviving. And I gotta say, surviving ain’t living, so I’d like to aim a little higher. Meat tastes good, so I don’t want to go without it.”

“Does it really taste good?” Skyla asked.

“Not to a pony,” Taya answered for me. “I’ve tried it a few times. It didn’t make me sick, but the taste and texture were both gross.”

“Luna’s the only pony I’ve seen who actually enjoyed meat,” I said. “And it took her a long time to get used to both the taste and what it did to her body. I think she mentioned something about resorting to it in desperation after she got lost breaking into a Chinese prison.”

“Plus, it’s usually hard to come by in pony society,” Twilight said. “No ponies eat it, so there’s nowhere to buy it in most towns. Canterlot is the only one I know that has a restaurant where you can order meat.”

“You can get it at the food court in the weather factory in Cloudsdale,” I said. “That was the only place I’ve ever been to that offered phoenix.”

“You can eat phoenix?” Princess Gilda asked.

“I was just as surprised when I saw it on the menu. It was delicious.”

“...Will you take me to try it before I have to go back to Gryphus?”

“Of course. And Skyla, please don’t try eating meat. Even if by some chance you enjoy it, it’s not good for your body. A little wouldn’t make Taya sick, but you’re a lot smaller.”

“I didn’t know that different races had different taste buds,” Skyla said. “I knew we ate different things, but I didn’t realize they’d actually taste different, too. What does cake taste like to you, Lady Navi?”

“Unfortunately, I’d use all the same words to describe it that you would,” I replied. “Sweet, usually. Sometimes chocolate, sometimes vanilla, sometimes red velvet, or who knows what else. The only real way to understand is to experience it yourself. You should ask your mother to turn you into a human sometime. I believe she knows how.”

“You can do that?!” Skyla shouted, her head shooting over to Cadance.

“Yes, I can,” Cadance replied with a smile. “And your Auntie Twilight knows spells for other races, like changelings and cats.”

“With Princess Gilda’s help, I perfected the griffin transformation spell recently, too,” Twilight said.

“It was quite an experience to work with someone so… methodical,” Gilda said with a blush.

“Having such an eager partner is always a delight! I can also turn you into a dragon, but that one’s a lot harder. My next project will be dogs. Nav seems to prefer those sometimes, after all…”

“They’re cuddly in a different kind of way than ponies,” I replied with a shrug. “It’s pretty cool to experience feeding on love as a changeling, too. They also have a really neat ability that lets them perceive emotions around a person as colors, and the ability to spread pheromones for communication purposes. The world is vivid in a whole new way.”

“That sounds so cool!” Skyla said. “I wanna be a changeling!” Shiny visibly flinched. Skyla didn’t notice.

“I also want to learn that spell,” Cadance said with a big smile. “I think Shiny and I can find all sorts of ways to enjoy it…” And that made Shiny start visibly shivering. Cadance didn’t care.

“I’d be happy to teach you,” Twilight said. “And is something wrong, Shiny? Are you feeling a chill?”

“I uh… No, I’m… fine. Being a human for a little while might be kinda cool, I guess… But I definitely don’t wanna be a changeling!”

“Oh, why ever not?” a comfortably familiar voice asked from the entrance. Queen Moonbeam finally arrived and made her way over to our table without hesitation. “As long as there’s plenty of love available, we’re as well-off as ponies. I always thought you liked to try new things, Shining Armor.”

Shiny sighed, downed the rest of his coffee, and stood. “You can have my seat, Queen Moonbeam. I’m going… somewhere else for a little while.” He started walking off to the door leading to the backyard, muttering something about never being able to win. Given that he was currently surrounded by women who enjoyed seeing him suffer, retreating was probably the wisest choice he could make.

“It’s good to see you—” I managed to say before Moonie shut me up with her mouth. Twilight growled, Cadance giggled, and Skyla squeaked in surprise as Moonie’s tongue forced its way into my mouth. Even if I wasn’t currently held tight by her magic, I probably could have withstood my instinctive revulsion and kissed her back. As it was, I let myself enjoy it until she finally removed her tongue.

“It’s good to see you again, Navi,” Moonbeam said, before kissing me on the cheek and releasing me from her magical grasp. “How was your nap?”

“Enlightening, for a variety of reasons. By chance, would you have time to meet with me and Celestia privately later? I might invite Luna, too.”

“But of course,” she replied, then finally pulled away from me to take Shiny’s seat between Kat and Skyla. “I take it this adorable filly is the fruit of your loins, Cadance?”

“That’s right, though I wish you had worded it literally any other way,” Cadance replied. “Skyla, this is Queen Moonbeam, the ruler of the changelings and one of Nav’s many lovers. Moonie, this is Skyla. And contrary to what Nav and Doppel might believe or insinuate, her father is definitely Shining Armor.”

“How reassuring to hear,” Moonie said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Princess Skyla.”

“Moonbeam is a really pretty name,” Skyla said. “It’s nice to meet you too! Did you know you have a snake around you, just like Lady Navi?”

“I… What?”

“Long story short, Skyla has special eyes,” I said. “She can see that we’re both monsters built by you-know-who.” That made Moonie flinch. “Hm… I wonder if he has some kind of hold over your soul. When you made a deal with him, did you offer him your body, or your soul? My bet involved my soul, or so I heard.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know,” she replied with a sad smile. “It’s entirely possible he does still have some kind of hold over me. Though if it were up to me, I’d rather have nothing to do with him. This cycle, I intend to stand on the side of life, even if it means my undoing.”

“Is the snake why you two are so close?” Skyla asked. “Or does Lady Navi just kiss a lot of people?”

“We’re close for unrelated reasons,” Moonie said. “And while she does kiss a lot of people, I’m her favorite.”

“Hm… I kinda wonder what kissing’s like,” Skyla whispered, looking over at my lips.

“You’ll find out when you’re older,” Cadance said, patting her filly on the head. “Don’t even think about it until you at least have your cutie mark.”

“And saying you’re her favorite is definitely getting ahead of yourself,” Twilight added.

“Would the favorite be based on how often she kisses that person or how much she enjoys kissing that person?” Kat asked. “If it’s how often, I might be in the running. Doppel would also be pretty high on the list.”

“So, Moonie, you just missed all the other contestants,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting the scientist who invented that train would end up as the changeling contestant. It also seems like she wasn’t expecting me to be a competitor, either.”

“Well, the last time she saw you, you were still male,” Moonie said. “Speaking of which, the prototype magitech rail line has been completed. I want you to visit one of the hives with me to see it in action soon.”

“I can do that,” I said with a nod. “It’ll be cool to see it in motion.”

“I am also interested,” Princess Gilda said. “Nav, you didn’t tell me the changelings were working on such interesting projects!”

“You know they built a really cool magical airship. Why would you assume they weren’t working on other magical things? It’s hardly fair for me to go bragging about what another nation’s scientists are getting up to.”

“Even if you’re the one who taught them all the concepts in the first place?” Gilda asked.

“Yeah. Moonie, are you accepting diplomats or visitors from other nations yet?”

“I would not be against inviting Princess Gilda, but I highly doubt she would be given permission to go. You may have ended the war between the griffins and changelings, Nav, but our nations are still hardly friends.”

“You ended a war, Lady Navi?” Skyla asked. “Eva never mentioned that in her stories!”

“It wasn’t really a hot war, so she probably didn’t consider it important,” I replied with a shrug. “And it’s an exaggeration to say that I ended it. I just helped convince King Bloodbeak that the only person winning in their war was the third party who happened to be instigating it. Thankfully, Moonie here tends to be reasonable, and things ended soon after the king came to his senses.”

“War is wasteful,” Gilda said. “Changelings may have quirks that make them undesirable as neighbors, but that doesn’t mean we should expend the effort and resources required to eradicate them. And if we aren’t going to eradicate them, we have to find a way to coexist alongside them. A good first step would be inviting a defenseless princess to visit a hive, no?”

“I don’t recommend it, Princess,” Twilight said. “Changeling hives are not for the faint of heart.”

“You’re still banned from the hives, Twilight,” Moonie said. “Though I’ll allow you to attend my wedding with Nav, of course.”

“You and Lady Navi are getting married?!” Skyla yelled.

“It’s only a matter of time before she agrees,” Moonie said with a smile towards me. “You’ll be mine soon enough, Nav. Oh, that actually reminds me! You’re due for some loving punishment, aren’t you?”

“I… might not be,” I replied, looking away.

“Yes, you definitely are,” she said, standing up from her seat. “Since you’re done with breakfast, I’ll be borrowing you for a little while.” She didn’t waste time with dragging. Her horn lit up and we both teleported onto my bed. She pounced on me instantly and the punishment began in earnest.

Thankfully, she remembered that I needed to be able to walk in the competition. Not so thankfully, it meant most of my punishment had to be deferred even longer. Given how sadistic Moonie was, that punishment was probably building up a ton of interest.

Once the evil fae queen released me from her clutches, she flew off to the castle to meet with Celestia. The instant she vanished, Doppel let herself in. “We need to get you dressed again, my lady,” she said. “It’s likely the deer royalty will be getting to town soon.”

“How did you know Moonie was gone?” I asked.

“Her pheromones. Let me untie you.” She flew over and undid the bindings Moonie left in place, then turned off all the toys for me.

“Thank you, Doppel,” I said as she worked.

“She did this for advertising purposes, you know,” Doppel said. “There’s no way you can get her marker off you. Everyone at the pageant will know what you were up to, Nav!”

“Magic can get rid of the actual scent. Changelings are the only ones that can see those pheromones and there’s no reason for me to worry about them knowing. If you’re worried, couldn’t you just overwrite them?”

“No. The queen’s pheromones will always overpower a normal changeling’s. Now, on your feet and into the bath, my lady. Make it as quick as you can, and try to focus on your hair.”

“Flo?” I said.

“Worry not,” my faithful xerox replied, dropping down from the ceiling and landing straight on top of me. When she finally oozed away from my body, all the evidence Moonie left behind in and on me was gone.

“Thank you. You’re currently my favorite elemental, Flo.”

“She’s always your favorite,” Darya replied in my head. “It’s pointless to pretend otherwise when she can see directly into your mind. There’s no need to shyly dance around it, my lady.”

“I like you too, Darya, but I’m afraid Flo is currently on top,” I said. “Is this acceptable, Doppel?”

“Quite. Now, let’s get you ready. I’m afraid, since you’ll be publicly attending such an important event, you’ll need more effort put into your appearance. I’d like to bring up the other maids. Would that be fine?”

“Cadance would hold it against us both if you didn’t invite her, too. But I’ll be changing again at the pageant itself, right?”

“Yes, but you still have to get there. There might be reporters with cameras at the entrances, waiting for the contestants to arrive. There will also be members of royalty from several nations, alongside several other high profile guests. You must look your best.”

“I knew this was coming. I won’t fight it. Do what you must.”

“Thank you, my lady. And I’m sorry. I’ll take the maids in hoof and make sure we keep it quick and painless for you.”

“I know it might be difficult for you to have faith in me, but I intend to behave during this pageant, Doppel. It’s too big for me to just play around, and my reputation isn’t the only one at stake here. I can’t promise my intentions will pan out, but I’m going into it with good faith.”

“Realistically speaking, that’s the best outcome I could have hoped for,” Doppel replied with a small smile. “I’ll be back with help soon, my lady.” She swiftly let herself back out, leaving me alone with my current favorite elemental.

I sighed and hugged her. “Flo, use your weird brain stuff to make the pageant be over already.”

“Even if I did wipe it from your memory, you’d still have to experience it the first time. Fleur would notice immediately if I was in control.”

“Then how about killing me?” I whispered. “We’re alone in here, just you and me. Kill me, leave via the back door, and if anyone asks, say you left right after Doppel did and that an assassin must have gotten me.”

“I’m absolutely not going to do that,” Flo replied, finally hugging me back. “But I will be there to support you the whole way. And do remember that behaving doesn’t necessarily mean acting feminine. You’re free to act like yourself, as long as you don’t cause trouble.”

“...Can I really act like myself without causing trouble?”

Before she could reply, someone knocked on the door and then opened it without waiting for an answer. Flo swung me around in her arms so I could see my assailants. Doppel led the way, followed by my two new maids, Celestia in disguise as a maid, Cadance, Skyla, Taya, and Poly. Varying degrees of sadism filled their smiles.

“We’re here to serve, my lady!” Doppel said once my escape route was firmly secured.

“I place myself in your hooves, Doppel,” I replied, doing my best to hide the dread in my voice.

And so the preliminary nightmare began.

Once my suffering was over, I once again found myself at a table downstairs. This time, I was sitting with three members of royalty to my left, another three sitting to my right, with Taya directly on my left and Poly directly on my right acting as buffers. At this table, my daughters were my only true allies. I made sure to pat their heads extra softly. “So you’re Princess Cadance,” Aspen said, trying his hardest to look down on her. “I am King Aspen, of Thicket. This is my wife, Queen Fyr, and my son, Prince Bramble.”

“It’s nice to meet you, King Aspen,” Cadance said with a smile. “This is my husband, Shining Armor, and our daughter, Skyla. It’s wonderful to find another ruler of a nation of prey that has yet to bend the knee to the sun. I understand that the deer city-states tend to be closed off, but I do hope we can maintain at least a modicum of diplomacy.”

“I am surprised to hear that from one considered to be Celestia’s niece,” Fyr replied.

“It’s fine, she’s cool,” I said with a nod. “She and Shiny are working with me to reform Celestia and fight against the great enemy.”

“Father, we need more and better spies in Equestria,” Bramble said. “We should know these things already.”

“...Countess Navarone, you asked before if I could have a trader visit your upcoming village,” Aspen said. “I would like to take time to discuss that in detail with you later.”

“I can make that happen,” I said. “It’ll probably be some time before we’re producing anything in which you’re interested, though.”

“If you’re interested in crystals or magical artifacts, we can also offer trade,” Shiny said. “I know deer cities are mostly self-sufficient, but I imagine there are still some luxury goods you either can’t make or can get higher quality from another race.”

“The deer happen to find knowledge of particular value,” I said. “That library of yours might be of interest.”

“Oh, the ancient library that Celestia hasn’t touched at all?” Cadance said. “Yes, it’s been extremely helpful for learning all kinds of things. Most of what I found interesting was the history contained within, but there’s also a lot of magical knowledge that has been suppressed in Equestria.”

“Yes, we would be quite interested in that,” Fyr said. “Perhaps there is value in your suggestion, Countess. It’s time we train an away team for professional espionage purposes.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Keeping an eye on your neighbor is the first step to getting along with them, after all. But if you use them to cause trouble, we’ll genocide your entire species. I hope we continue to get along in the future!”

“It shouldn’t be difficult,” Aspen said with a nod. “Working with you seems like it will be profitable, Countess. You’ve already been able to introduce us to other members of royalty.”

“You just missed Princess Gilda and Queen Moonbeam,” Cadance said. “Gilda is a griffin princess staying here at Nav’s house for the pageant. Moonbeam is the changeling queen, and was visiting before the pageant started.”

“I did promise to introduce you to more predators,” I said with a smile. “Several come to mind who would just adore spending time with you. But if you’d rather start with royalty, I can introduce you to Gilda and Moonie at the pageant. It’s possible one of Gilda’s siblings will also be here. And there’s a princess from across the sea present, from the land of the sheep.”

“And you can just casually walk up to them and introduce us?” Fyr asked.

“Yeah, it’s cool. I just met the sheep princess recently, but the griffins and changelings are both indebted to me on a racial level. I can basically do whatever I want and it’s fine. If I just tease Gilda a little or flirt with Moonie some, they’ll be putty in my hands.”

“I’m telling Moonbeam you said that,” Cadance said.

“It’s not like she’ll be able to deny it. When I came to meet you in Thicket, don’t think I did so on a whim. I have a lot of experience dealing with royalty of semi to completely hostile nations. Know that my promises come weighted in gold, and my threats come drenched in blood. Cadance would be happy to attest to this.”

“So would I,” Shiny said. “If Nav comes knocking, your time as an ordinary member of royalty is over.”

“Life just gets so much better!” Cadance added. “Nav is the first person to tell me they didn’t like me, and then give me an incredibly hurtful and detailed list of exactly why! Ever since she helped me fix myself, ruling has been so much easier.”

“Tell that to Blueblood,” Shiny muttered.

“You can’t,” Taya said. “He crossed mommy and now he’s dead.”

“Didn’t you also punch Moonie in the face after you met her?” Cadance asked.

“Yes, that is a thing that happened,” I replied. “I know coming to meet you with Fleur probably didn’t give you much of an indication, but I’m kind of a big deal in Equestria.” Bragging usually isn’t my thing, but it’s a true statement in this case.

“She’s easily more important and better to know than auxiliary members of royalty, like I used to be,” Cadance said. “Blueblood and I couldn’t do anything to help fix Equestria, but Nav showed up and started changing things like it was easy.”

“It wasn’t.”

“And now Equestria is finally opening up for the first time in a long time,” Cadance continued, presumably ignoring me. “This pageant is proof of that. The world is changing and if the deer want to be a part of it, you’ll have to change along with us.”

“It’s highly likely that we don’t want to be a part of it, as it happens,” Aspen replied. “But if the world does start changing, we’ll need to be prepared. Part of that will involve understanding the world around us. While we were aware that Navarone was important, we had no idea it was to this extent. And while it looked like there were hints of Celestia changing, we weren’t aware of how many people were involved.”

“Information is the most valuable commodity in the world,” I replied. “I generally like sharing things for free, like all the details of our little tryst that I shared with a newspaper reporter, but if you want to know the really important stuff, you’ll need to earn it.”

“Wait, with a reporter?” Aspen slowly asked, his eyes going wide.

“A professional and renowned journalist, yeah. I was doing an interview and it came up, so I made sure to cover as many details as I could. I’ve been telling a ton of people, actually. I like bragging about most of my royal conquests.”

“...Oh.” For some reason, the once-arrogant deer king suddenly sounded quite small and weak, as befitting my prey.

“So, Bramble, didn’t you want Taya to show you around Canterlot?” I asked with a warm smile. “There’s still some time before the pageant, if you want to go exploring. Flo has looked through several maps, so I’m sure she can help you guide him to all the best spots, Taya.” Make sure you lead them to the Loveboat, Flo.

“I’ve been looking forward to exploring the pony capital,” Bramble replied with a surprisingly innocent grin. “I always see it when the sun first rises every morning. It always seemed so radiant, despite housing the princess of all evil. Seeing it firsthoof will be nice, especially with such a cute filly!” Surprisingly, that made Taya blush bright red. Poly snickered at her.

“Make sure to have fun, Taya,” I said, patting her on the head.

“U-um, shouldn’t Poly come with us?” Taya asked, looking across from me to her changeling sister. “We could show Princess Skyla around, too!”

“I wouldn’t want to get in your way,” Poly said. “Have some fun on your date with the prince, sister dearest!” That made my filly’s face turn even brighter red. “I would like to show Skyla around, though.”

“In that case, I’ll go with you,” Shiny said. “King Aspen, Queen Fyr, you’re also welcome to join us.”

“I’m definitely interested in touring Canterlot,” the queen said. “Ponies fascinate me. Seeing their capital up close will be amusing.”

“I’d like to head to the location of the pageant to check on our contestant,” the king said, having mostly recovered from his shock. “It’s her first time in a pony city as well, and her first time meeting with predators. I want to make sure she’s feeling well.”

“I was planning on heading that way soon myself, so I’ll show you the way,” I said. “This is the first time an event like this has happened, so I feel it’s better for me to get there early, just in case. Cadance?”

“I’ll go with you, Nav,” she said. “I need to represent our kingdom at the pageant. Sticking with you means some easy diplomacy points. I couldn’t get the cervine kingdom near us to even reply to a message, but at your side, I got to personally meet with the royal family of one of their cities.”

“Sounds like we have a plan. I don’t have a carriage yet, so we’ll have to walk. Give me a moment to get everyone together and we can go.” I stood and started walking off to the main entry hall.

Before I could get there, I ended up back in the present, in the reality where I died. Why oh why did I have to be born, Flo? I never wanted to transcend death, not like this…

“I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for that,” she replied. “Given your obstinate desire to skip the entire pageant, your next memory will be taking place later at night. Would you like to take a break from memory lane, or continue?”

How much time has passed since we started?

“Slightly less than a minute.”

Release me for now. I don’t want to keep Taya waiting.

“As you wish.” Flo’s water pulled away from me, letting the water from the shower hit me instead. Though it seemed Taya had pushed me out of the way to take more of the hot water for herself.

“I seem to be fairly clean now,” I said. “Taya, are you ready to get out?”

“I don’t really wanna, but I guess we probably should,” she replied. “Luna’s strong, but there’s no guarantee she can fend off your harem forever.”

“It’s fairly late at night. Unless they have an elemental in them, there’s no way for them to be notified.”

“Don’t underestimate your waifus, mommy,” Taya said. “They’re crazy and powerful.”

“...Let’s get out,” I said, reaching over to turn the water off. Once it stopped pouring down, Taya’s horn lit up and water cascaded off both of us, leaving us completely dry aside from our feet. “Flo gave me some of my memories, but I’m still missing most of the week. You were just about to go walking around Canterlot with Prince Bramble when my last memory cuts off. How did it go?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it. Did you remember fluffing the sheep princess?”

“No. I guess I can ask Poly or Eva about your trip later, then.” I took one small step out of the shower, and one great leap for all of tree sister kind. Taya followed me out and we both walked into my old bedroom.

Doppel was waiting for us, with a set of white silk pajamas for me. “Don’t bother with appearances for tonight, my lady,” she said. “Rest in comfort. Would you like me to help you get dressed?”

“I’m good, thanks,” I said, walking over to the pajamas. I never really thought white clothes suited me that much, but they looked nice and comfy. Once I was fully clothed, I sighed and sat on the bed. “I think it’s best if I get the rest of the memories before I go downstairs. It shouldn’t take more than half an hour. Could I trouble the two of you to watch over me?”

“Anything for you, my lady,” Doppel replied, bowing.

“Only if I can cuddle with you while we wait,” Taya said, hopping up next to me. I scooped her into my arms and fell backwards onto the bed.

“Flo, would you kindly?” I whispered.

She slid over to the bed and covered my eyes with one of her hands. “Continuing memory upload, while purposefully skipping over anything pageant-related. I’ll see you on the other side, Navi.”