The Great Redneck War of Equestria

"Tia! Get you fat flank out here and help me get unbored!" Luna yelled while banging on Celestia's door.

"What is it, Luna. I have a lot of work to do." Celestia tiredly poked her head outside her door.

"Wow. You look like you need a break," Luna said, concerned.

"I've been needing a break for over a thousand years." Celestia said sadly.

"Sorry. Not my fault. But I have a perfect break for you." Luna shoved the parchment with her game instructions on it in Celestia's face.

"Luna I really don't have- hey, you can use BB guns?"

Luna nodded. "We need to be outside to play it, though. And throughout the whole thing, until you're out, you need to talk like Applejack. Except more... redneck."

"Is this fahne? 'Cause Ah don't wanna screw yer game up like Ah messed up Day Court yesterday," Celestia said in a ridiculous accent.

"Shewt, gurl. Yer not s'posed ta dew that! Ah gotta get me some Mountain Mist. 'Questria!" Luna imitated.

They both burst out laughing, piquing the interest of a guard down the hall.

"Le's go an' feed th' peegs. Rodeo words!" Luna and Celestia strolled down the hallway, dropping the instruction paper.

The guard checked to make sure he wasn't being watched, and casually walked forward toward the paper.

He was a unicorn, so he slowly levitated the instructions to his face and began to read.

"Rule One: Talk like a redneck. Rule Two: You can shoot anypony playing with a non-lethal weapon such as paintball, BB, etc. Rule Three: Alliances are allowed. Rule Four:..." he read aloud. "Rule Thirty-four- oh my, that certainly isn't appropriate. That doesn't have anything to do with the game!" Face red, he rolled the parchment up and stuffed it in his saddlebag.

Pfft.

A shriek pierced the air as the BB hit it's target.

Celestia smiled maliciously and slung the BB gun over her shoulder.

"Argh!" Celestia instinctively flared her wings.

A midnight blue splotch marred her Cutie Mark. A moment later, and there were two more splotches on her inner wings.

Celestia tucked her wings closer to her body and held the BB gun in front of her, engulfed in golden magic.

"Die, spawn of Discord!" Celestia yelled and fired the gun in random directions.

"Likewise, bitch!" Luna soared into view, firing small twin paintball guns.

Suddenly, a platoon of Royal Guards appeared in the entrance to the Royal Garden.

"Oh no!" moaned Celestia. "Ah'll never redeem myself!"

"Fire!" a guard drawled in a Southern accent.

"No..." the sisters looked at each other.

The guards raised bows and faux arrows with rubber tips. They let the arrows fly, raining down on Luna and Celestia.

Celestia stepped closer to Luna and raised her gun.

Luna prepared her paint pistols.

They guards separated and scattered into the trees.

"Damn!" Luna spat.

"Wait. Alliance?" Celestia held out a hoof.

"Alliance." Luna bumped her hoof against Celestia's.

"Now lets go slaughter those mothafuckas." Celestia put on some dark sunglasses that seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Damn straight." Luna put on shades just like Celestia's, also from nowhere.

Celestia fired BBs into the trees around them.

"Ouch!" a guard yelped.

Luna fired her paintball guns into the general direction they heard the guard.

A white shape, splattered with navy blue spot galloped away, firing arrows behind him. Luna took to the air, flying about the trees, using her magic to pull the triggers. She saw where the guards regrouped and did a flyover, firing paintballs into their midst. Shouts and many pointing hooves gave her position away. Taser lasers were shot all around her. Luna avoided them with ease until one finally hit her in the chest.

"TIA!" Luna screeched as she hit the trees.

Celestia twitched her ear. The pew pew pews of the taser lasers echoed throughout the garden, and something that sounded oddly like "Teya" pierced her.

"Teya, Teaya," her eyes widened. "Tia!"

Celestia crashed into the undergrowth. "Loony!"

Luna was alone in the wild, armed only with two half-empty paintball guns. Something crunched, alerting the Night Princess.

She shot her guns into the direction and she heard a feminine "Ouch!"

"Celly!" Luna got up and jumped over to her sister.

She ran into something unfamiliar.

A wicked grin lit Fleur-de-Lis' face. "Wrong." she drawled.

And then Fleur kneed Luna in the tased chest.

Celestia galloped through the garden as fast as she could. She halted abruptly when a smoking ball the size of a golf ball landed in front of her. Its fuse was sparked and nearing the rotund center.

Celestia froze in place, not knowing what to do. Fortunately, the cherry bomb decided for her.

A dark figure was silhouetted in the smoke. Celestia coughed, attempting to clear her lungs.

"That that, cunt!" the figure pumped its hoof. "Rule Eight: All ponies are equal. That means you, Princess Molestia!"

"Burn in hell!" Celestia shot several BBs st the figure.

The figure cringed, but the smoke was clearing. Fancy Pants stood regally, eight cherry bombs levitated and lit.

"Ah'm sure yew will. An' jus' so y'all know, Ah invited you student an' pals." he threw them and walked away with swag.

Celestia covered her eyes as the bombs blew.