The Great Redneck War of Equestria

"Y'all hurry up, I don't want us to be late!" Rarity ushered her friends onto the train. Fancy Pants had oddly requested that they speak Applejack and bring paintball guns, one for each mare.

"This is gonna be the greatest!" Applebloom told Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo as they climbed aboard.

Rarity sniffed. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were only coming because Applejack was weak-willed against fawn eyes.

The conductor shut the train door and with a hiss, the train started chugging forward.

"This is gonna be so totally fucking rad," Rainbow Dash told Twilight, unbeknownst to the fillies behind her.

"Applejack, what does fuck mean?" Applebloom asked.

"Uh, well sugarcube, it means, uh, OH LOOK, BISON!" Applejack dodged the question and pointed at the buffalo running outside the train.

Rainbow Dash opened the window. "HI, LITTLE STRONGHEART!" she yelled to her friend.

The small buffalo waved briefly, then the herd turned away from the train.

Rainbow Dash cradled her brand new paintball gun. She had treated them to Paintball Stuff Inc. in Cloudsdale. She bought the paintball pack with a state-of-the-art paintball gun and paintballs every color of the rainbow.

Fluttershy sat on a  bench with her semi-automatic BB gun. "So, uh, it's nice to meet y'all," she told the gun.

The gun stood expressionlessly on the bench.

"Ah heard that we have to play a game in th' garden," Rarity waved a hoof. "Ah, for one, don't prefer such poppycock."

"Applejack, you didn't answer my question. What does fuck mean?" Applebloom tugged at her sister's tail.

"It uh, means that ah, it's a 'nother way of sayin' frick. Jus' keep sayin' frick, though. Granny'll tan your hide." Applejack answered awkwardly.

Scootaloo sniggered. "That was awesome."

Applejack looked blankly at her. "What?"

"We knew what it meant, we just wanted you to y'know, freak out." Scootaloo admitted.

"Why you little-" Twilight restained Applejack with magic.

"Hey Twilight, if you can teleport, and if ponies touch you when you're teleporting, can't we just go to Canterlot like snap?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Why, that's a good idea. Everypony hold onto me," Twilight readied herself.

Sweetie Belle crawled under her and tailgated Twilight. Pinkie looked like she enjoyed herself way too much when she put a hoof to Twilight's flank. Rainbow Dash held all the guns and put a wing on Twilight's back. Rarity felt Twilight's mane.

"This feels like good fabric," she murmured.

Scootaloo hugged Twilight's knees with Applebloom.

Fluttershy touched a wingtip to Twilight's nose.

"Boop,"

Twilight teleported to Canterlot.

She appeared in the Royal lobby. Smooth jazz was garbled by strange red spots on the stereos.

A wild guard lept out from behind a corner with an insane grin on his face. His expression fell when he saw who it was.

"Hello, welcome to the Redneck War, before you enter the arena you must abide by these rules. Rule One:..." the guard droned.

Rainbow Dash got excited when she heard that guns could be used. She passed out inferior guns and stroked her sleek black painball gun.

"Got it?" the guard asked.

"Got it," they said unanimously.

"Scoots, maybe we'll get our Cutie Marks from this!" Applebloom whispered.

"Sweet!" she whispered back.

The guard led them down the hall and gestured to a door with many small dents in it.

"May the odds be ever in your favor. Yeehaw!" he opened the door and pushed them in.