So, you want to hear a story eh? Shut up I'm telling it anyway, it is good story about what happened to the vault hunters after they found the vault.....Nothing, They kind of went home, but! They found more then some treasures....They found a map which they stuffed into there bags while leaving. The map told of another vault, they had no idea what this Equestria is...or how to get their. Ha! They'll soon find out, they'll soon find out.
The Vault Hunter's were on A bus that has been going for hours, you see after they found the vault and split the riches Brick forgot he left his mini gun back at the vault. "Okay guys i said i was sorry!" He shouted, Roland gave Brick the death stare at the Berserker and flicked him off.
"Oh its not that Brick...we just left the fucking vault two days ago and you just realized you forgot your mini gun!" Shouted Mordecai, as he made a loud sigh. " If we fight those god damn ninja ClapTrap's again im going to take my double edged samurai sword and cut you in half!" now furious he took an apple as demonstration and threw it in the air, as the apple came down he took his sword out and sliced down the apple into two a symmetrical pieces. Brick gulped.
"come' on guys stop picking on the big guy." said Lilith "Its not like he forgot on purpose, he isn't going to just to piss us off for fun." the bus was still going on,
"Um yo guy's you sure we took the right bus?" said Roland. "Cause I don't remember a castle being apart of Pandora." the others shot a confused look , they looked out there windows and seen that they weren't on Pandora. "Hey bus driver, does this bus turn into a space ship?" he said looking at a green landscape not the scorched desert.
"Oh this piece of shit." the bus driver said. "oh no it doesn't."
"oh so we're still on Pandor.." Roland was cut off by the bus driver talking again.
"But it does travel threw dimension's." He said, the others were now gasping wondering where the hell they were. "yup! you are looking at the last Multidimensional bus in existence." he said
"Okay seriously what the fuck!" yelled Mordecai. " so where the hell are we!"
"Your in Equestria." said the bus driver.
"E-ques-tri..........what the fucks a Equestria?" said Brick.
"Oh glad you asked its a place where you go when your high and, your going to see talking thing's..that shouldn't really be talking. Actually this is the last stop for the next few weeks." He said.
"What few weeks!" said the other Dwellers in unison.
"Ya it takes awhile for this shitty ride to get back to full juice, and if you are desperate enough to want to go home ill be back in three to four weeks depending if this bus wants to work, if not five to seven weeks to get it fixed and to pick you guys up.
The bus stops and the four hero's got off and were instantly pissed. they turned and the bus vanished. "great....just great. i blame you Brick!" shouted Roland toward Brick.
they started to walk and decided to stop at the first town they find. them being human's didn't know what is awaiting them in the town. they stopped and found a town sign and a direction. "ponyville? who the fuck names a town ponyville?" said Mordecai
Lilith sighed. "Something tells me this isn't going to be enjoyable. I mean what if we start to see some weird shit? There is a town named Ponyville! and a land called Equestria, I have bad vibes coming from here. Being a phasewalker i can feel some strong power source attracting from this land. Worst i can feel strange magical surges coming from it to." said Lilith.
"I say we get our guns out and blow the fuck out of something we don't like!" shouted Roland with excitement. " I mean what if we come across something bad. need to keep our guard up. Who knows this place could be just like Pandora only greener.
"Hi."
"I say we have are guard up ya know."
"How ya doing?"
"you never know when something is going to come get you."
"HELLO!" yelled a pink pony
"Holy fuck where the hell did that horse come from!...Did that horse just talk!" Yelled Roland getting his gun up and pointing at the Pink Pony who wasn't afraid but happy. "Um, can you speak?"
"Why yeppy deppy! oh and im a pony, not a horse" Smiled the pink pony. " Hi im Pinkie Pie! you must be new here. Whats your name?"
"Um my name is Roland... HEY! stop talking! Oh my god i must be high on some serious LSD's, im seeing shit!" Roland said with a scared voice.
"L.....S.....D's? oh oh is that a name for a delicious snack?! that sounds good!" shouted out the pink pony. all four of the hero's were now confused as fuck now.
"Its something good all right." said Roland sarcastically. " so um.....Pinkie Pie are there other talking techno colored ponies?"
"Huh? nope." She said
"Oh i was worried that shit started to.." He was cut off again.
"There griffins, mules, cows, and dragons that speak to." She said.
"Dr-dragons! Like in big ass, fire breathing, eat any body in one bite dragons!" The soldier was now scared for his life.
"Huh? Ya but it's okay, They don't attack ponyville." Said Pinkie Pie now hopping. " Oh! You should follow me! I know some pony who might help you with your fear of dragons!" Yelled out the pink pony as she hopped away.
"W-what! i don't have a dragon problem...I have a problem with them eating me." Said Roland trying to defend himself.
"Something tells me this is going to be a long seven weeks." Whispered Lilith. "Mordecai! what do you make of this situation?"
Mordecai sighed. "Id rather get a fucking shot by Dr.Zed then stay here wondering what the hells going on." He, Lilith, and Brick Followed Roland and Pinkie pie as they left for the city.
"Its this way over here!" Yelled out Pinkie Pie. " Here we are!" Pinkie took them to the town and led them to a tree house.
"Um?" Said Roland. "Its a nice.....house?"
"No..no! My friend lives here." Pinkie said. " Twilight!" She knocked on the door. "Twilight! I got to show you these new guys and girl!"
At least she said i was a girl. Lilith thought to herself.
"Of course your a girl silly!"
"yea i know....wait how did she do that?" She said "God better keep my thoughts to myself i think she could read them." She gulped as she continued to pound on the door with her hoof."
"Coming!" The door opened revealing a purple lavender unicorn. " Oh hi Pinkie Pie, and it looks like you have some fr-fr-freinds! Oh my god pony catchers! The dream I had was real! Every pony for then selves!" She slams the door and turns off all the lights.
"Um....is she allways like that?" said Roland.
"She was pretty." Said Lilith.
"She seems nice." Said Brick.
Mordecai remained silent.
"Aw she's just shy." Said Pinkie Pie giggling.
In the Library
"Spike! we got a problem!" Shouted Twilight alarming the dragon who was sleeping.The dragon was now rushing down stairs. "We have a problem!"
"Yes Twi?"
"A big Problem!"
"Yes!?"
"We have humans! in Equestria!"
Spike sighed. " Is that it?" Spike walked back upstairs. " you got me up for that? Your getting a little paranoid don't ya think Twilight."
"SPIKE! this is serious!" Twilight grabbed the dragons tail with her magic and pulled him down. "If there is humans in Equestria! that means." gulp. " We will be hunted! You know why! Because humans are evil!"
"Twilight now you just went from being paranoid to a bit crazed." said spike.
"Either way i need to inform the Princess, Spike take a note!" Yelled out Twilight
"Okay but if you get banned to the everfree forest again it's not my problem." Said the purple dragon.
Dear Princess Celestia,
You are wondering why i am making a letter out to you at this late hour, but there is no late hour when humans are trying to take over Equestria. Our element of Laughter doesn't know it yet but the Friends (as she may call them) she had brought to my door step, they will take over our land of Equestria. We must keep a close eye on our....guests.
Your Faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.
P.S. HUMANS! SUCK!
Spike whispered "Ya i bet you suck something to you crazed purple bitch."
"What was that mister!"Yelled twilight. Spike just remained silent. "Ya that's what i thought. Now go into the servant's bed in the basement where you belong, and don't make me take the whip out!"
Spike sighed and sent the letter to the Princess Celestia, he grabbed his Rarity plush doll and went down stairs to the servant's bed. " If any pony needs me ill be down stair's with Rarity."
"There now we just need to keep a close eye on these so called, Friends." She said laughing like a maniac.
"Okay Twilight you just went from crazed to insane now." said spike who poked his head out of the door.
"Stay in your fucking basement!" yelled twilight
"fuck you!" yelled out spike as the door closed
"All we have to do is befriend these...humans and when they reveal there devilishly evil plan's ill swoop in and save the day! And (GASP!) ill will be the hero everypony will kiss my ass they will cheer out. Twilight Sparkle,Twilight Sparkle,Twilight Sparkle yay!" Twilight said happy as she went back to the door to let them in.
Continues in Chapter 2
Canterlot
30 minutes after the vault hunters made it to Ponyville
It was dark and two ponies were guarding the statue of Discord. Because of the last incident they had to be on high alert just in case if it happens again."Hey Sir, when will Celestia let us take a fucking break!" Shouted A guard.
The Officer sighed and turned to his troop. " I don't know why! Probably she would hate for something apeshit to happen."
His soldier looked at his officer and continued. " I mean why does she even want us to look after this stupid statue of Discord? It ain't going anywhere." He looked at the horrific statue and gulped. "wi-will it?" The soldier looked deep with in the eyes of the mad looking statue.
The Officer sighed and turned to his soldier. "Boy, how would a statue even move?" Said the gruff Officer. "If the statue began to walk off right now we'd be fucked." The Sargent began to continue. "I wasn't even suppose to be here, I was suppose to be on barracks watch, Barracks watch! That's like asking for a free vacation. You don't have to do shit."
"Why are you here then?" Replied the soldier.
"Because I make one smart ass remark about Captain Shining Armour to Sargent FireBlossom and guess what! The bitch has, my barracks watch." He said roughly. " And where am I! Fucking watching the please piss on me statue of Canterlot! Am I right Jeinkens?" No reply was given. The Officer looked to his left and seen his soldier wasn't there. "Jeinkens?, God damn where are you Jeinkens!"
The Officer began to walk away from the statue and toward the labyrinth entrance to find his missing troop. "Jeinkens you in there?" He said using his horn to draw his blade out. "Je-Jeinkens? You here?" He went in and then spotted a bit of blood on the ground, he went closer to it. Then when he inspected the blood he found out it was fresh. He then looked up and seen a dark figure in front of him a little smaller but was breathing heavily. "What the fuck!" Was all he said before the figure bucked him in the face, knocking him out.
The figure exited the labyrinth entrance and trotted toward the statue of Discord. "Discord my father, its been so long since i seen you." A voice of a small filly spoke as it went into light revealing the little filly to be an earth pony with a purple and white mane, And her coat was purplish with what looks to be pink mixed in. What separated her from any other pony was her swirled eyes like she was crazed. "Its me daddy, don't worry ill get you out of this horrible place." She said.
She somehow had the strength of A body builder as she was able to pick the statue over her and lay it on top of her back. "Don't worry daddy ill make you all better." And with that they were off, she walked passed the unconscious stallion and when she went further. She stopped and looked to her left at what looked to be the remains of Jeinkens.
His head was completely torn off and his vital organs were scattered around. It looked like he was mauled by a ravenous, blood hungry beast "Oh dang it! I made quite the mess, but oh well the ponies here can clean up after the little, accident." She said before leaving.
Ponyville, Library. Present time.
The group was in the middle of the library sitting down and enjoying the tea. Twilight was looking at the so called 'Pony Catchers' and decided to speak up. "So this, is nice i guess." She put on a fake smile. Good good Twilight gain their trust and then wham! you got all their secrets out. This is so deliciously evil its good. She thought. "So what brings you fine gentlemen and ladies here?"
"Our bus won't be back for seven to nine weeks." Said Roland.
"Oh! I know what we could have! Its a par.." She then found a purple hoof on her mouth.
"Not now Pinkie!" She shouted and that made the pink pony quiet herself. "Okay, so your here...Because of a bus?"
"Ya, genius over here decided to leave something back at our current destination. So we decided to actually go back and retrieve it." Explained Mordecai.
Lilith decided to speak now. "So your a unicorn Twilight and Pinkie Pies an earth pony what else is there?"
"Well besides those two there is one more, There called pegasi." She started to go into detail of the three pony races, then went into the alicorns, then somehow talked about the mating ritual and cross species relationships, and then stared to talk about something else that was completely off subject. "And yea mostly you do not want to be there when a pegasi is giving birth because of the shear pain they feel, sparks the rage within their very soul." She stopped for a second before continuing. "so ya, that's how my friend Rainbow Dash was born." She looked at the group who had horror written across their faces.
Pinkie didn't have that face. "Oh tell how Alicorn is made!" She shouted in excitement.
"No!" The Vault hunters shouted in unison, afraid to learn anymore.
"Aw" Said a sad Pinkie Pie.
"Hey guys?" Said Roland. "Weren't we here to know something?"
The others looked at each other and back to Roland, then Pinkie Pie gasped and remembered what they were doing there. "Oh yes,yes,yes Rollie here is afraid of dragons."
"I do not have a problem with dragons!" Roland shouted in frustration. "Have a fucking problem with them eating me." He muttered under his breath.
"Well you could talk to my friend FlutterShy." No no no! you idiot you don't talk to them about any of your friends "Yea she lives in a cottage outside of ponyville." Ugh! Are you even listening to me! "You should follow Pinkie Pie she knows the way." Okay if your not going to listen i'm leaving your head, stupid bitch. "Hey! That was uncalled for brain!" She just realized she shouted that and looked at the Vault Hunters and her friend who were now staring at her like she was a crazed psychopath. "Um, ha ha, that brain of mine, does not learn to shut the front door." She put on a smile and looked at the confused eyes.
"Um you okay Twilight?" Said Pinkie Pie. "You look...."
"Crazed?" Said Lilith
"Confused?" Said Brick.
"A Maniac?" Said Roland.
"A deranged psychopathic pony who looks at us like hunter looks at her prey?." Said Mordecai.
"Yea, what the guy in the funny looking pilot mask said." She said.
"Its not a pilot mask, its a specific assassin hood worn by the most qualified.."
"Just face it bro its a pilot mask." Said Roland Interrupting Mordecai.
Mordecai looked at the soldier with an angry look. "Fine, whatever! Oh that reminds me i have to feed my bird."
"Uh, bird?" Said Twilight. Oh my god he catches birds to! diabolical she thought.
The masked sniper went into the bag they had and pulled out a cage containing a rather large bird that looked like it was a mixture of a parrot, and a bat. "Yea his name is BloodWing." He said.
He reached into the bag and pulled out a decapitated head of a mouse, Twilight wanted to vomit, but Pinkie being Pinkie was interested in meeting the new bird. "He loves his mice. Don't you, who's a good boy." He started to talk down to it and fed the mouse head to the bird who just swallowed it whole.
"aw, he's so cute Mordie." Said Pinkie Pie. "Twilight what do you think of this cutie wutie, Twilight?" She looked behind her and seen Twilight huddled in a corner. "Well i should show you to flutterShy's house better not wait!" She shouted as she bounced out, the others decided to just follow her.
While walking through town they walked past a pony couple. One of them was a aquamarine colored unicorn who looked at the new comers that had something she wanted ever since she evolved from a sea pony to a regular pony. She huffed and looked at her partner. "They get to have hands Bonbon!" She shouted at her. "Fucking showoffs."
"Really you want to start this shit now? When we get home how would you like a hoof job?" Said Bonbon.
Lyra sighed. "Okay but can you call it a hand job?" Replied Lyra.
"Don't push it." Bonbon replied back, as they trotted in the other direction.
The Vault Hunters were following Pinkie Pie to the outskirts of ponyville and finally stopped in front of a bridge. "Pinkie why did we stop." Said Roland.
"Fluttershy lives over there." She points to the cottage. "Okay guys meet you up there!" Before anyone spoke the pink mare jumped in the river that flowed under the bridge and quickly disappeared.
"How, What, When!" Shouted Roland. "What the fuck just happened!?" His mind was going through allot and decided to leave it be. "Okay guys lets keep moving, this Fluttershy may help us."
"With your dragon problem." Added Brick.
"You know what now, Fuck you guys!" He shouted. Before he completely ran off to the door in anger he turned around. "And um girl to." They went up to the cottage and before stepping in front of the door Pinkie Pie jumps out of the bushes and scares the shit out of the Hunters. "Jesus fucking Christ! Don't do that!" Shouted Roland.
"Oh sorry. My super best friend lives here and she knows all about phobias!" Said Pinkie Pie as she knocked on the door. "FlutterShy it is me, Pinkie!" She shouted so the pony could hear. Slowly the door opened revealing a shaking and frightened pink maned pegasus.
She began to speak. "He-hello Pinkie pie um, what brings you here?" She looked at the group Pinkie was with and she exclaimed. "Who are your friends Pinkie? If you don't mind asking."
Pinkie opened her mouth and spoke very fast. "Ohyouwanttomeetthemtheymaysoundscarybuttheyarenotandalsotheyjustshowedupandilovenewpeopleandso... "
Before she continued to ramble on Lilith cut her off. "I think what she meant to say was our names ill begin. My name is Lilith."
"My name is Roland." Said the soldier.
"Names Brick." Said the berserker.
"My name is Mordecai." Said the assassin.
"And my name is Pinkie Pie!" Shouted Pinkie Pie.
"Um Pinkie." Roland started. "I think she already knows your name."
"Yea but i thought we were playing a fun game." She replied. "Oh FlutterShy can you help my friend with his dragon problem?" She said.
"Oh my god for the last fucking time i don't have a dragon problem!" Roland Scowled.
"Silly we have problems." Pinkie started. "So can you help him since you took down a dragon and know how to speak with animals."
"Pinkie!" Shouted Fluttershy, deciding to break character. "I told you it was an accident! I didn't know the dragon was going to fall down the mountain, I didn't know his head would get impaled on the sharp rocks!"
"She killed a dragon?" Said Roland.
" No she killed a bunny! of course she did she just confessed it five seconds ago!" Shoute Mordecai
"Wow, you didn't have to be an ass about it." Said Roland.
"Guys i think we're going off topic here." Said Lilith.
"Oh shut up Lilith!" Shouted Roland.
"I have the powers to rip through the very fabric of reality, do you really want to fuck with me?" She said with a hint of anger in her voice.
"Hey that's just like me!" Shouted Pinkie Pie who was jumping up and down from behind Lilith.
"May i interject something?" Said Brick.
"What!" The vault hunters shouted in unison.
He pulled out a minigun from the bag. "My gun was with me the whole time." Brick seen the angry death stares his fellow vault hunters gave him."Yea! Funny we didn't even have to come here..." He said jokingly. "Ha ha" he gulped.
Mordecai came up to him and punched him in the face making him draw blood."You, fucking idiot!" He shouted at the shaking berserker.
"Im sorry.."
"We got stuck in this fucking world because you forgot a gun that you had with you!"
Brick was beginning to cry alittle. "Please stop yelling." His voice was cracking.
"We have to wait seven weeks to go home because of you!" He turned around to see Rolands hand on his shoulder. He looked down at him. "I'm sorry for doing that okay! Its just, I know you didn't do it on purpose I shouldn't have punched you man." He reached his arm out and pulled Brick up.
"Its my fault i should of looked in the bag. Thanks to me and my big stupid brain of mine we're stuck here." He held his head down in shame.
"Hey man, don't doubt yourself if you want something to cheer ya up I caught Roland reading one of his sonic fanfics."
"Hey that was suppose to be a secret!" Shouted Roland.
"Feel better?" Said Mordecai.
"Ya, I do." Brick had a smile across his face. "We should go i don't think Roland has a dragon problem."
"God some one who gets it." Said Roland.
"He has a problem with them munching his small package off." Joked Mordecai. "Come on BloodWing."
"I liked it better when you guys were making fun of the dragon problem." Said Roland. "Fucking jackasses"
"Um excuse me i want to know if you would like to meet any more of my other friends?" asked Fluttershy "There names are Rainbow Dash, and AppleJack. they were meeting in sweet apple acres. If you like you could come and meet them, you don't seem all bad."
"Well i don't see why not, lets go." Said Roland. They set out following Fluttershy unknowingly that they were being followed by Twilight.
Twilight was in a bush a few feet behind them.she had a camo helmet on, with binoculars and face paint. She also had a bee toy named mr.buzzy "Ill catch them in the act my pretty!" She said looking at her buzz toy evilly.
"You just went from being insane to being an anal nutbag now!" Shouted Spike.
"Shut up Spike i'm doing science..thingy.. Some science bullshit!" Shouted Twilight. "And i'm studying these so called humans." She continued. "What are you hiding. So ya shut the front door Spike. Let the mistress use the dildo this time." She said in a mocking tone.
"You do know the binoculars are facing the wrong way." Said Spike.
Twilight looked at the binoculars and grunted. "Fuck!" She shouted.
"Hey any of you hear somebody?" Said Roland.
"God damn it.." mumbled Twilight.
In a cave outside of Canterlot.
Thirty five minutes later.
The little filly still had the statue of Discord on her back. She stopped deep in the cave and took the statue off of her back, and placed it in front of her. "Ya! Daddy is with me now, okay daddy im going to try this on you and in the hopes of you breaking out of your stone imprisonment."
She pulled out a black book with a red pentagram on it, she flipped through the pages. She finally stopped on page fouty four. She resited the words. "Imprisoned creature that evil and unpure break from the stone prison and walk among us once more!" A pentagram along with a spirit symbol appeared and with that a small spark started in the heart of the statue. "Daddy?"
"Yes my daughter, I am free!" Shouted the statue as parts, and bits fell off revealing living breathing body parts. "Muah ahahahahaha!" A large light source erupted around the cave, and when the light source disappeared a large figure appeared, It was discord. "Oh its such a great time to be free again!" He shouted. "Thank you chaos daughter. We must take over again." He tried to use his chaotic powers but it seem they weren't working. "Huh!? What the hell?" He shouted "Damn you Celestia you big ass bitch." He muttered. "Daughter we have allot to do now! We must get my powers back, and to do that we need to capture Celestia and force her to give me them back."
"Yes daddy." Said the little foal.
Discord hugged her daughter. "I love you my chaotic psychopath daughter."
"I love you to my chaotic psychopath dad."
Continues from Chapter 3....
