Saccharine Arcadia

Chapter 4: Into The Mouth Of Hell We March.

Somewhere within the Everfree Forest:

The forest stood quiet, as if anticipating the macabre scene that was about to unfold. An eerie chill crept over the ground and seeped into it, cooling all life in its frozen embrace. The trees leered menacingly, towering over the two combatants like crooked fingers suffocating all in their grasp, awaiting death, for the forest knew; only one would leave alive.

Rob was waiting, to an observer he would have appeared calm and collected, underneath however…

“Fuck, I’m bricking it!”

A mossy smell filled his nostrils as he deeply breathed, trying to calm himself and think of a plan.

The timber wolf on the other hand had fought before, and knew what to do. The only reason it hadn’t acted yet was because it hadn’t encountered this type of foe before and wasn’t sure what it was capable of. It feared the unknown, much more than the fight. It would see what its adversary did, and act based on what insight it could gain on the humans movements. Making the first move would be foolish.

This however presented the human with time to think and come up with a plan.

“Humans have always been great because of ingenuity, not strength or speed. Oh god, I got nothin’! Right, what’s around? Some rocks, some sticks, a hell of a lot of moss… I shall moss it to death! Fucking moss… Damnit Twi, that magic would be useful right about now.”

“Ah! The necklace thing Celestia gave me! Any danger, and she’ll come to the rescue, she said so herself. Right, concentrate on the necklace! Concentrate… Concentrate… … … Why is nothing happening! Screw you Celestia!”

“Ok, back to the wolf… Is it still looki- Oh god! It’s raping me with its eyes!”

“Shit, shit, shit!”

“NO! Don’t panic, that’s what it wants you to do, yes, panic, ha-ha!”

“Breathe. Ok. How do you kill a giant wolf made of wood? Burn it? Chop at it? Someone once told me that all you need to do to kill something is make its head go ‘splat’, so, how do I do that? Reduce its mobility. Fuck, how do I do that?! Break its legs. Quick question brain, HOW DO I DO THAT? Nothing. Wonderful.”

“Best make the first move… Need to find a weapon.”

Rob spied a large rock at the edge of the clearing, no more than twenty feet away and made a dash for it. The timber wolf edged forward slightly, intrigued, before realising what its opponent was doing. It may have been a beast, but now, it knew he was after a weapon, something that could actually harm it. Not willing to give Rob the chance he needed, the wolf bounded across the clearing, covering ground much quicker than the human. It intercepted Rob no more than five feet away from the rock and forced him to change direction. He headed left, trying to put himself between the wolf and the injured pony on the other side of the clearing.

Hearing another snarl, Arc turned and looked over his shoulder, the wolf was right behind him and gaining fast, it had clearly gotten the upper hand when it came to mobility and having an extra pair of legs helps in that regard. Luckily for him though, it couldn’t change direction as fast as he could, and therefore lagged behind whenever he made a course adjustment. He quickly learned that this could buy him time and therefore used it to his advantage.

“Sod off you ugly bastard!”

“That was weak… This is not the time!”

Turning right again, and Rob finally had a direct line to the rock he’d originally tried to get. With the wolf still snapping at his heels, catching up again as it rounded the same corner he had, Rob made a dive for the rock. It wasn’t intentional, he’d tripped over a moss covered log on the ground and landed flat on his face. He held back a whimper as his face collided with the floor. Luckily the soft, mossy underlay absorbed some of the impact.

“That fucking hurts! Oww, my poor sensitive nose! Thank god for moss though. I’ll never hate you ever, ever again! I’m sorry for all those nasty thoughts I had about you!”

Tears welled up in his eyes as the wolf loomed over him, partially from the fact that he’d hit his nose in the fall and partially due to the horrifying fear of having his face ripped out of his head by the hellish maw of the wooden beast before him.

Breaking out of its run, the wolf pounced at Rob, who was currently unable to move onto his feet from the floor. Luckily he rolled over to his left just in time, and the beasts paws stabbed down at the ground just next to his head. With adrenaline and primal survival instincts kicking in, he clenched his left fist and drove it into the side of the wolf’s head. More than anything it looked stunned. Such a succulent, fleshy creature dared to use its own body to harm me, a creature of dense wood? This however gave Rob the chance he needed to get up and on his feet again, through the fear and desperation he staggered the last few steps to the rock, ignoring the pain searing through his left arm. A warm feeling covered his knuckles and wetness stained his thigh, the location his damaged limb was now dangling down towards.

“You know what? The pain has just become numb now, ha-ha! I beat you pain! Oh fuck… This just can’t be happening! Ha-ha-ha-ha!”

The human’s vision was blurry now and he was sniffing, a mixture of crying and not realising that his nose was bleeding. He didn’t want any of this. A solace came over his mind as it broke. No thought, no emotion, nothing. He felt immortal. Was this death? He started to laugh crazily through the tears. Driven on only by instinct, he reached the rock and bent down to pick it up, a claw swiped over his head. He stayed on his knees. The wolf was directly behind him and didn’t let up its relentless assault. A second claw swiped down and carved its way into Robs back. He screamed out in pain and his breathing quickened even more.

“Fuck. You!” He hoarsely cried out to the wolf, spinning with the rock in his undamaged right hand as it raised another claw. Mid-turn, Rob found out that he could only turn half of what he used to be able to. The gash down his back now limited movement and with the wolf now side on, it had a huge advantage, and it took it.

“Whelp, I’m fucked!”

“Dying a virgin is NOT cool!”

Without warning a cyan streak flashed over Rob’s vision and tackled the wolf to the ground.

“Now, you idiot!” A croaky voice shouted.

As quick as the wolf was down, Rob pivoted the rest of the way on his knees, crying out in the process, and smashed the rock he held into the creature’s eye socket, the only place which seemed to be not created solely of wood. A not-that-disgusting crunch was heard as the rock made contact, the jagged edge slamming through the skull and into the brain. The wolf’s body violently twitched and jerked, throwing the cyan lump that was on it, off. A stray claw kicked at the pony and a squeak of pain was heard. This renewed Rob’s energy, what was left anyway, and he pounded the rock in a few more times to finish the beast off.

“Don’t!”

Thud.

“Fuck!”

Thud.

“With!”

Thud.

“My!

Thud.

“Life!”

Thud.

He panted and cried, unsure of what his emotions wanted to do.

“And leave off the ponies too, they’re cute…” He sniffed.

Rob felt his senses returning and he rolled onto his back and relaxed, cringing at the pain all over his body. Once more, the forest was silent.

“I am never getting up again…”

He let out another breath and waited, taking in the beauty of the area around him. If it weren’t for all the death, this place would be pretty nice.

“Tell me about it.” Another voice entered the currently one-sided conversation. It came from the other side of the wolf.

He licked his lips. “So then Miss Pony, you got a name?” He got out in-between his deep breaths.

“Yeah Mr Tall, dark ‘n’ creepy, it’s Rainbow Dash.”

“I’d laugh at how flowery that is but after spending the day here, it would feel a bit redundant. Besides, there ain’t nothin’ flowery about that insane tackle you just pulled off to save my arse.” He raised his uninjured arm up to his face to block out some of the sunlight. “And hey, tall maybe, but dark, no, and creepy? Well, maybe…”

She chuckled and then coughed. Her raspy voice replied, “I’ll take that as a ‘thanks’.” She paused. “Ya’ know, I’m not normally good at this but, you just saved my life so what the hay,” She paused again and looked towards the sky before letting out a breath, “thanks. And I really don’t say this often, but the way you dealt with that wolf was awesome! Even by my standards.”

“No offense, but, ‘your standards’? So far all I’ve seen you do is get your ass handed to you by a wolf thing.”

“I’d buck you for that, but I’m sort of worn out and I do kinda owe you one. I’ll let that comment slide, this time.”

He laughed and coughed, his voice came out raspy too. “Thanks. I don’t suppose you know how we can get out of here? I’m pretty banged up and you obviously aren’t faring much better either.”

She sighed and shook her head, not that the human could see. “No, we’re pretty deep in.”

“That’s what she said!”

She continued, “No one would have heard that and I didn’t say where I was going either. Unless you have people searching for you, we’re on our own. Which reminds me, how did you find me?”

Once more he chuckled. “You aren’t gonna believe this-” She cut him off.

“Try me. I’ve seen more crazy things that you can think of, from a plague of parasprites to the recapture of Discord.”

“What’s a parasprite, and who the hell is Discord? Never mind, I’ll ask later… Well, my story begins with…”

Rob then recounted his past two days activities, from Celestia mind raping him (he didn’t put it that way of course), to, well, Celestia mind raping him again and telling him to go and save Rainbow Dash.

“… and then I gave Spike to Twilight and charged off into the forest, crapping myself the entire way. I arrived in the clearing and saw you and Mr Beasty, had a scuffle, and now we’re here. Fun times.”

“Wow! That’s pretty cool. So wait, the princess talks to you? In your head?”

“Yeah, freaks me out though.” He tried to lift his arm up again, this time to feel up his back, he gave up though, as his torn up muscle wouldn’t allow it.

“How are your wounds?” Her previously boastful sounding voice became concerned. “I can’t see from over here.”

“Tis but a scratch.”

“I wanna cry and go home!”

“What?” She replied.

“Never mind. I haven’t really been in any fights before, that was my first. Never thought it would be with something like that though…” He coughed. “What is it anyway? Oh, and I think my left hand is broken, luckily it’s gone numb and I can only feel a dull throb. I can’t move it though. And also, I think I have a cut on my back, that stings a bit too. Aaaand I scuffled my nose a little, but that’s all good.” He paused. “You?”

“I’m worn out and I think one of my wings is dislocated. Fine though, apart from that…”

Rob propped himself up on his right elbow and took a deep breath as pain surged through his back. “So what was it?”

“A timber wolf.”

“Well. Fuck it. Fuck timber wolves.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Rob pushed himself forward and rolled ungracefully onto his feet, still crouching, shouting out in pain as he did. This made Rainbow Dash jump. Cringing through gritted teeth, he got to his feet and flexed as much as he could. He heard some badly concealed laughter. “And what do you find so funny?” He scowled and turned towards the partially obscured pegasus.

“I just didn’t think it was possible for something so scrawny to beat a timber wolf!” She couldn’t hide her laughter and openly mocked the human.

“Laugh it up all you want. You’d be dog food if it wasn’t for me.” He slowly and gingerly walked around the wolf corpse and over to his new friend. He looked at her and took note; she was a cyan sky blue colour and had brilliant rose coloured eyes. Her mane was amazing and encompassed all the colours of the rainbow, going from red on the top to purple lower down. Her tail was the same. Her cutie mark was of a rainbolt (rainbow coloured lightning bolt) and a cloud. He considered this cutie mark to be the manliest, excluding Applejacks, due to how awesome anything with lightning in it is. Apples can’t really be manly or feminine anyway… As he saw earlier, there were wings attached to her sides, although one looked dishevelled and limp. He guessed that was the dislocated one.

“You wanna make a move?” She asked.

“You up for it?”

“If you can, then I sure as hay can!”

“Wow, ego much?”

Rob walked to her side and offered a hand, she extended her hoof and he took hold of it. A few grunts later and she was up and checking herself over. She looked up and smiled. “Let’s get out of here then.”

“Confound these ponies and their adorableness!”

Rob nodded back and they began to make their way, slowly, but surely out of the clearing, back the way Rob had come. Soon they were submerged back in the darkness of the forest and the air grew colder.

“Do you have any idea where you’re going?”

“Celestia gave me the compass to get here, it’s simply leading us back. We should get back to Fluttershy’s in just under an hour, assuming we don’t get mauled by any more wolves. Which makes me wonder; how did you get in that situation anyway?”

She looked up for a moment, as if recalling the memories and sighed. “Well, I was just being awesome and practicing some new tricks to impress the Wonderbolts in the park outside Mane Street, when I kinda lost control… Nothing serious, I woulda fixed it in no time! But as I was spiralling down towards Fluttershy’s cottage I noticed something in the shadows of the forest. It didn’t look like a pony so I went to investigate. I got closer and saw it was a timber wolf. It was strange because timber wolves only usually come this close to town around zap apple season. Anyway, it saw me as I got closer and ran back into the forest, I then followed it to see what it was doing. After about fifteen minutes of flying I couldn’t see it anymore because the trees got thicker, so I went lower and tried to get under the tree tops. Well, long story short, the wolf had stopped below a thick net of vines and when I came through the trees I got tangled and fell to the floor. It hit me with its paw and knocked me out. I can only guess that it dragged me to the clearing to eat in the sun, because when I came to I saw you fighting it. The rest is history. Cool story huh?” She beamed proudly, forgetting how she caused the mess in the first place and focusing only on the tackle to save the human. “Oh, and if you beg me, I won’t tell anyone about the constant crying you were doing!” She laughed and threw her eyes at him in a sly manner.

“Blackmail? What a bitch. Two can play at that game.”

“Alright, how about this; You don’t tell anyone about me crying and I won’t tell anyone about your cute screams for help as I was running after you. The great Rainbow Dash doesn’t cry for help am I right?” She scowled again.

“Check, and mate. Thank you, thank you.”

“Regardless,” He said, breaking the happy mood, “I though wolves hunted in packs. Why was it by itself? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it was. We’d be dead otherwise, it just seems strange…”

“Yeah, I dunno. We should probably ask Twilight when we get back, she might know.”

The two continued to walk for a while, chatting about mindless stuff, each other’s jobs, the weather, telling funny stories and Rainbow even ended up telling Rob about Discord. He was surprised that such a flowery world could have evil in it somewhere.

“Suppose there must be an equilibrium holding everything together and in balance… It’s strange though, I could have sworn that Celestia was the evil holding this place in balance.”

He broke the chatter and asked about her wellbeing, “How you holding up there Rainbow Dash?”

“Eh? Oh, good yeah. I’ve been worse. And don’t call me by my full name, ‘Dash’ or ‘Dashie’ is fine, even ‘Rainbow’ is ok by itself, that’s what AJ calls me… How’s your claw and back?”

He laughed. “Claw? It’s called a hand. Surely you have things here with these? Anyway, Spike has claws because his are sharp and pointy, mine are hands because they’re soft and squidgy, not meant for using blunt force…” He trailed off, “Anyway, my right is fine, just a bit scuffed from holding the rock so tight. The left still stings, I can’t move it and the numbness is wearing off so I can feel pain again, which is fun. I’m pretty sure I split the knuckles too. As for my back, it bloody hurts but not as much as I thought it would. There’s some muscle damage I think, as I can’t turn very well but it’s not horrendously deep and isn’t bleeding much for some reason, so blood loss isn’t gonna happen, not during this short walk anyway, and overall, with some medical attention, I think I’ll be fine.” He smiled at her and they continued walking.

“You know,” she started, “we’re lucky to have got off so lightly. That thing could have killed us in one swing with a lucky hit. I’m surprised we beat it… Not that I thought we couldn’t or anything!”

“But we did. And that’s all that matters.”

Shortly after, the density of the trees abated and more light was let through the canopy. The air became less dense and the underlay of the forest became harder, back to the dirt of the outside world. The two were approaching the edge of the Everfree.

Not soon after that, an out of breath pegasus and her human companion emerged from the forest and let out a sigh of relief. They had appeared not too far from Fluttershy’s cottage and only had to walk a short way further to get to it. It was a welcome sound to their ears when they finally heard the birds chirping again, a sign that the friendly side of Equestria was back to stay. The cottage soon came into view, and they proceeded to the front door. Knocking on the door a few times, the duo were met with silence and in the end decided that the girls must still be out looking for them, Rob had run off in a hurry so they must have been worried. He suddenly felt guilty for not telling them more about the situation. What if they were in danger in the forest? If they had gotten hurt he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. Dash saw that he was fretting and reassured him.

“Look, my friends are the toughest out there. They got Twilights smarts and AJ’s brawn, Fluttershy’s stare and Rarity’s um, yes, Rarity. They’ll be fine, don’t kick yourself over this. I might have been dead if you’d waited any longer and then they’d hate you more for that, than if you just ran off for nothing.”

Her words got through to him and he cheered up a bit.

“Turns out the Rainbow one can be sensitive, who knew? She doesn’t seem like the type…”

They turned from the door and headed down to the stream near the cottage, aiming for the bridge and finally Ponyville.

“Hey, I never asked for your name, did I?” She said as they plodded along.

“Haha, come to think of it no, you didn’t.” He stopped and felt the awkward tension in the air build up.

“Sooo are you gonna tell me?”

“You didn’t ask.” He smirked and raised an eyebrow looking at the pegasus.

“Fine. What’s your name? Happy?” She wore an irate expression and her scowl was returning for the third time that day.

“Very,” He had a satisfied grin on his face which wound Rainbow up even more, “It’s Saccharine Arcadia, but just call me Arc.”

“And earlier you said you were from Earth and you were an… Earthanite? Earthy? Earthian?”

“Human my dear mare, human. I know that you guys are Equestrians from Equestria, but we’re humans from Earth. Make sense?”

She thought for a few seconds. “…I dunno…”

“Operation Mind-Fuck has commenced!”

They resumed their trek for a while and before long Ponyville was present on the horizon, an orange glow accompanied it as the sun had finally begun to set. Evil Celestia sorcerer…

“Which reminds me: Celestia. We will be having words later. And if you have a problem with that, then come at me sis!”

“No, no?! I didn’t think so!”

At the edge of town the two heard some familiar voices calling and they turned to see who it was. Both were worn out and mentally exhausted from the day in danger, and they were relieved to finally hear something familiar.

“Arc! Rainbow Dash! Are you guys ok!?” Twilight’s voice frantically echoed around the hills.

The two didn’t reply and just waited for the now fast approaching group to come and meet them.

They came to a stop and surrounded the human and the pegasus, bombarding them with questions. Rob raised his hand and signalled them to stop.

“Girls, we’re fine. A little worse for wear, but we’ll live.” He let out a deep breath and looked at them, forcing a smile. “I’m just happy you’re all ok. Sorry for running off like that.”

“Never mind that Sugarcube, we’re all just glad you’re ok.”

“Thanks Applejack.”

“Umm, are you- Oh my gosh! You’re both hurt! Please go and lie down and I’ll get so-” Fluttershy quickly got herself worked up over the two, and tried to tend to their injuries, luckily though, she was reassured that they could make it to the hospital by themselves by Rarity.

“Good thing Rarity is a people person or we’d never get Fluttershy off our case…”

“Seriously, thanks Fluttershy, but we’ve got through worse today, and I’m sure we can make it to the hospital just fine. Don’t get yourself in a fluster on our accounts.” Rob stated as the group made their way to the Ponyville hospital.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to pry… I just wanted to make sure you’re ok…” She bashfully threw her eyes at the ground and the red on her cheeks began to spread again. She paced a hoof back and forth along the ground.

“I’ve wanted to do this all day.”

“Fluttershy, come here.” He commanded.

Reluctantly, and with her eyes still on the floor, she did as she was told. The others watched on, with knowing smirks upon their faces. Even Rainbow chuckled slightly, despite her pain.

“Yes Arc? Eep!” She squeaked as she was picked up by the human. She struggled to start with, frantically flailing her legs, but soon relaxed and let out a breath, trying to calm herself down. Eventually she was comfortable enough to hug back, a content smile present on her face. She wasn’t too happy about the fresh blood on her coat though.

“My heart is going to explode!”

“Right after my hand does that is. This shit hurts! Totally worth it though.”

“She is much more dangerous than that fucker in the forest! This is psychological warfare!”

“Ok, you two, break up the mushy stuff…” Rainbow deadpanned looking at the couple and making a ‘gagging’ face, pointing her hoof at her mouth for emphasis.

“Well, she’s returned to her usual demeanour…”

He put the snuggly pegasus down and the group continued to head towards Ponyville, as Rainbow recounted the day’s activities. Rob couldn’t help but think they were overly dramatized…

Soon enough the group arrived at the hospital, thoroughly bored of Rainbow’s gloating, and feeling extraordinarily tired. There were fewer ponies about in Ponyville as the sun was setting, and only a few odd looks were thrown the human’s way.

Regardless of the truth, the story Rainbow told contained much more ‘awesomeness’, as she put it, on her part where the tackle was involved and she heroically saved the day. Many eyes were rolled as the party entered through the main doorway and approached the main desk.

“Yes, yes, and then we found you guys and lived happily ever after, sorry to wrap this up but my back canes.” Rob flippantly dismissed the remainder of Rainbows story with a flip of his right wrist and she glared at him. He turned to the front desk and rang the bell that was on it.

“Well, that sure is old fashioned…”

Looking around, Rob frowned at his surroundings. Shiny white walls stared back at him, devoid of any emotion. Long corridors extended in a number of directions and numerous extensions could be seen filtering off of them. Despite Rob’s usual uneasiness around hospitals, this one was strangely welcoming and did a fine job in providing the comfort that he needed to reassure himself that he would be good as new in no time. Besides, apart from the initial concern, there was no real worry upon inspecting Robs and Rainbows injuries. They looked bad and hurt, but there was no immediate danger to them. The smell of antiseptic filled Rob’s senses and made his nose twitch.

After a few seconds a female voice was heard from behind a screen next to the main reception desk. “Coming~” She sang. “How can I help- AHHH!” Panic filled her voice as she was confronted face to face with Equestria’s new human. The nurse pony became wide-eyed and staggered back, bumping her flank into the counter behind her. A bundle of papers fell of and hit the floor. This signalled the other ponies to stop chatting and look.

“Oh God. Not another case of Fluttershy syndrome…”

“Hey, Miss? Look, I’m sorry to trouble you and all, but me ‘n Rainbow here have some scuffles we’d like someone to have a look at. If it’s not too much of a bother can you be petrified after that? It’d really make all of our lives easier…”

The nurse blinked a few times and regained what little of her dignity she had left. She stood up strait and adjusted her cap. “Sorry dear, I heard the rumours spreading around town but I didn’t believe them! Are you some kind of Diamond Dog? Were you the runt of the litter?”

Much like the other ponies Rob had come across so far, after the brief shock period there came the unending string of questions. Normally he wouldn’t mind answering them, but in such an occasion as this, his hand was in agony and his back wasn’t faring well either. These things only made his patience shorter and in turn lowered his willingness to answer questions. “Oh! So sorry, Redheart, Nurse Redheart at your service!”

“You have been here 5 minutes now and ‘service’ is the only thing you have not given me!”

“If ya know what I mean…”

“Yes, well. I’ll answer your questions later. Rainbow here,” He motioned to the giggling pegasus behind him, “has a dislocated wing I think, and I have split knuckles and a broken wrist or something. My back also has a gash down it. Can you like, fix it or something?” He asked sarcastically.

She gasped and looked shocked.

“Sweet Celestia, we’ve got another ditz on our hands. And lucky us, this one is trusted with a scalpel and a needle! I am feeling so reassured right now.”

“So sorry! Well then, if you’d like to follow me down here,” She started to walk down the westward corridor, “then we’ll set you both up in the same room for examination and information.” She turned awkwardly and looked over her shoulder at the human and group of ponies following her. “One thing though, what’s a wrist and what are knuckles?” She nervously chuckled. “We have claws and paws here but, they are at best, similar to what you have…”

“Fuck, I’m screwed. So many internal facepalms are being had right now.”

Rob looked at the purple unicorn next to him. “Twilight, care to explain it to her? You have all the books on me and can probably explain it best. Besides, I can’t be bothered.”

“Nurse Klutz here is driving me insane!”

All eyes were on Twilight and she started. “Well, a hand, located on the end of a human’s wrist, is a prehensile, multi-fingered, or digited if you prefer, extremity. It is the main structure used for the physical manipulation of the environment and the majority of human motor skills, such as picking things up. The tips of the fingers contain some of the densest areas of nerve endings on the human’s whole body and provide the richest source of tactile feedback. As well as this, they have the greatest positioning capability in their entire body, therefore the sense of touch is extremely important to humans. Like all other paired organs in the human body, each hand is operated and dominantly controlled by the opposing brain hemisphere to it, left to right and right to left for example. The hand in more detail is split into a number of different areas; wrist, palm, thumb and digits. Amongst these there are twenty-seven different bones. As you can tell, they are much more complex and fascinating than a pony’s hoof! Anyway, the breakdown of the bones can be shown as a distribution and I will now tell you the specifics;” She looked so happy as she droned on. The others began to tune her out.

“Oh god! Please don’t!”

Sometime later, further down the corridor, Twilight was nearing the end of her lecture… “Distal phalanges, five bones, intermediate phalanges, four bones, proximal phalanges, five bones, metacarpals, five bones and lastly, the carpels hold the remainder, the last eight bones. I would surmise that Arc has broken a knuckle or two, located at the joint between the metacarpals and the proximal phalanges and that within his wrist, the carpels, he has possibly broken a bone there somewhere too.” She finished with a smug look on her face.

A silence presented itself within the corridor, and no one had noticed that somewhere through the lecture, they had all stopped walking. Many jaws were hanging loosely and surprise was present on all their faces.

“Wha- how… Uhh?” Rainbow tried to speak but couldn’t find the words.

Breaking the silence Rob shouted at Twilight. “NEEEERD!”

“Am not!” She replied.

“Well that worked.”

“Gosh-darn it, Sugarcube, I didn’t get a single word ‘a that. You aren’t the Princesses’ student for nothin’ I s’pose.” Applejack chimed in.

“Ok, Redheart, hey! Snap out of it!” Rob shook the awestruck pony, trying to get her back to the real world. She blinked. “Look, the simple answer is this; blood equals bad. Now then, where do you see blood?” She raised a hoof and pointed at his back and then his hand. “Good girl. Right then, it’s simple. Fix those.”

She nodded, smiling awkwardly, and the convoy once again resumed its trek down the corridor. They made a left and then entered a room a few doors down. Like much of the hospital Rob had seen, this room too was white and sterile. One thing he found strange was how alike everything was to Earth hospitals. The Ponyville houses and society was one thing, all intelligent beings needed some form of roof over their head and system of government to keep peace, but in the hospital, all the equipment was the same as on Earth too. Syringes, stethoscopes, ultrasound equipment, it all seemed the same, as if it were designed by humans, not ponies. Heck, even the defibrillator equipment he saw had finger grips, something designed for humans, the only sapient species of intelligent creature with fingers. It struck him as strange but he dismissed it, he would ask Celestia later.

“Right, Rainbow Dash, if you wouldn’t mind going behind that curtain over there, Nurse Tenderheart will be with you shortly to take readings and bio information. Mr… Umm?” She turned her head and gazed up at Rob with her glistening eyes.

“Cute overload again!”

“Saccharine Arcadia , but Arc will do.”

She smiled, “Ok, Arc, you’re with me!” She led him behind another curtain across the room from Rainbow’s.

Rob observed the pony in front of him, on Earth, all ponies looked the same pretty much. Aside from whether their coats were brown, black or white, or even a mix, they didn’t really have defining characteristics. These ponies however were different, they had different facial definitions, a range of coat colours, accents and even human personalities! It amazed him, and he was surprised it took him this long to feel it. Right next to him was a white earth pony with a candyfloss pink mane tied up in a bun. She had sapphire blue eyes and a nurse’s cap on. The cap had the same mark on it as her flank, a red cross with four love hearts, one in each corner. The astounding diversity came as a shock for some reason.

Rob sat down on a bed just in time to see a similar nurse pony walk behind Rainbow’s curtain before his own was slid closed by Nurse Redheart.

“Ok, first I’m going to need some general information about you before I get to treating your injuries. They aren’t fatal so I’m sure you can wait a little, hmmm?” She said.

“Yeah, yeah, just please hurry. They may not kill me but they bloody hurt none the less.” He once again sarcastically retorted.

“Ok, well, I already have your name so the next thing is age. So?”

“Eighteen.” He replied.

“Gender is male…” She trailed off. “Do you know what blood type you are?”

“Uhh, nope.”

“We’ll have to find out then. If you pivot around and face me,” she commanded, walking around the bed, “then I’ll take blood type and pressure. We won’t really know what we’re looking at, as this is a rather blind examination, seeing as we have no other human records to base your bio against. It’ll help for any future mishaps you may have though. Besides, I’m sure Twilight is correct and that you simply have a flesh wound and some broken bones. Some resetting, a cast, some sutures and stitching alongside some painkillers and you’ll be good as new!”

“Who woulda thought it! She can be dependable!”

“Thanks nurse, I appreciate it. One thing though, will this hurt? I really don’t like pain. Even more so after my meeting with ‘Woody’ in the forest.”

“’Woody’? And no, no this will not hurt a bit. Except for the initial injection.” She smiled weakly.

“Bitch! I’ve been tricked!”

“Great…”

Time went by, and a short while later the initial tests were done and Rob was lying down on his back in the bed with a saline drip going into his left arm. For the first injection Rob put up a fight and in the end had to have Twilight restrain him with magic, but after that, the area was anesthetized and all he had to do was look away. He never liked needles.

Nurse Redheart said that the drip wasn’t entirely necessary and after being told by the girls what had happened thought it a good idea anyway, to replenish any salt lost from the blood during the fight and due to blood loss itself, even if there wasn’t that much. Next came the fun part.

“Nurse, can I like, have some morphine or something? I don’t wanna see, or for a while, even know this has happened.” His voice was filled with nervousness.

Redheart called back through the curtain she had disappeared behind, “Well, we do have morphine… How much do humans normally get given?”

“In charge of my own morphine, are you serious? Goddamn it, ponies are trusting!”

“Score!”

“Maybe one-hundred and fifty milligrams over four hours or something.”

“I sound like a pro!”

“That’s a lot of morphine, are you sure? I don’t know what the human standards are…” She had doubt in her voice.

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” He raised his voice and shouted over the curtain, “You know you guys don’t have to stay right? If you have other things to do then I won’t be offended.”

Rarity replied. “Darling, we don’t mind waiting. I’ve closed the boutique today anyway. Besides, I’m sure you’d get lost around here without us!” She giggled.

“Yeah, that’s a maybe. To be honest though, I don’t think I’ll be leaving the hospital for a while.”

Redheart walked back through the curtain with another drip. “You can leave tomorrow I presume, we’ll monitor you over night and then see how things go.” She smiled again.

“Don’t worry Arc, we’ll stay till you and Rainbow are going off to sleep, and then head back in the mornin’.” A southern accent joined the fray.

“Thanks Applejack.” Rob replied.

“You know that ‘AJ’ will do right. We’re close enough, an’ Big Mac’s fond of ya too.”

“Sounds a bit gay…”

Rainbow joined in the conversation, shouting from across the room. “How come last time I was in here you didn’t stay?”

“Sorry dear, but you’re always in here. If we visited every time then we’d never leave.” Rarity’s voice replied.

“Wow, you sure like getting hurt don’tcha Rainbow?” Rob asked as he rubbed his arm. The needle made him itch.

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not crying!” She mocked him.

“Oh that’s just uncalled for you bitch!”

“Traitor!” He called back. “You promised!”

She just laughed in return.

“Looks like we’ve become one happy family doesn’t it? God these two days have been long. Which reminds me, where’s Spike?”

“I sent him home after you went into the forest.” Twilight replied.

“And uh, is Fluttershy asleep or something? I haven’t heard her for a while.”
“N-no, I’m still here.” Rob barely heard her speak.

By this point Nurse Redheart had finished setting up the morphine drip and had attached it to Rob’s arm alongside the saline drip. “Ok, you’re gonna start feeling woozy now, ok?”

“Ohhh, it feels cold as it runs into my arm! How long ‘till this kicks in?”

“Any second now.”

“What’s he gonna be like?” Rainbow called.

Redheart turned her head and raised her voice across the room, “It varies, pony to pony… Err, human to human?”

“Is it me or did the ceiling fan just get louder?” Rob gazed up and stared at the roof.

“We don’t have any fans in here…”

“I’m sure I can hear a fan.” He turned back to Redheart and began laughing.

“Well, there we go. It’s ‘kicked in’ as you put it.” She giggled herself and trotted over to a trolley. “Well, painkillers are all good and we’ve anesthetized the areas causing you pain. What do you say we get to the bone setting procedure?”

“That sounds good to me Doc! Say, you guys have any reading material? I have a thirst for knowledge!”

Rarity drew the curtain back and took a peek at Rob. “I have a magazine on Canterlot fashion, but you probably don’t want that, I’ll go see what else they ha-”

“Give it.”

“Excuse me?”

“The magazine. And some yoghurt. I could really go some yoghurt.”

“Yoghurt?”

“Yeah, creamy goodness! Hey, guys, I think I’m high. I can see a fucking unicorn! Hahaha!”

Twilight pulled back the curtain and looked at Rob. He was looking towards her but not at her. “Are you ok?”

“Are you ok? Hahaha!”

“Nurse, is this normal?”

Redheart looked at Twilight and replied. “Well, some people become drowsy, some hyper. He’s just, well, hyper… and hallucinating, or he thinks he is anyway... He’ll fall asleep eventually.”

“I hope so…”

“Fuck me! There are two unicorns now! And a sexy nurse pony!” Rob shouted out. He heard a number of laughs from behind the curtain and joined in with them, tears streaming down his face.

Nurse Redheart coughed and abated her eyes. “Right, well, we’d better get on with the procedure then. It’s getting late.” She walked over to an oblivious Rob and grasped his hand. It hung limply in her grip. “This might hurt a little- who am I kidding, he can’t even tell what’s happening right now… Well, here goes.”

She started to apply pressure to the top of his knuckles and cracked them back into place. One was still fractured but at least it would set and start to heal correctly now, if only he’d stop moving it. With some more assistance from Twilight, Redheart had set all the breaks in Rob’s bones. In the end it turned out all he had were fractures. This meant that only a cast was necessary for them to heal themselves. Next though Redheart had to stitch up Rob’s back. With a combined effort from Twilight, Redheart and Applejack for added stallionpower, they somehow managed to turn Rob’s body over. He then continued to spout nonsensical sentences and laugh into the pillow.

“Ok, thanks Twilight, now to just clean and stitch up the gash. And you say a timber wolf did this? Why was he fighting a timber wolf?”

“We still don’t know all the details. I think the princess might have something to do with it though… Regardless, it seems like he saved Rainbow Dash… Or she saved him, as she puts it, and right now, that’s all that matters.”

Using splendid hoofwork Redheart managed to clean and stitch the wound without so much as a giggle from Rob, who was currently falling asleep. Twenty minutes later and she was done.

“Seeing that he’s already asleep I suggest we leave him where he is. Rainbow’s out too and it’s almost midnight. My shift will be over soon and technically you guys shouldn’t be here. Visiting hours ended long ago.”

“Well, they’re asleep and we can’t help them right now. Hay, even Fluttershy has fallen asleep. I suppose that’s our cue to go.” Twilight let out a yawn as she mumbled her last sentence.

Turning and leaving the bed, Twilight rounded up the other ponies and left the hospital, telling Redheart they would probably return in the morning. The nurse pony laughed as Applejack carried Fluttershy out on her back. She escorted them back to the reception. Walking back into the room with Rob and Rainbow, Redheart dimmed the lights and settled down back at the front desk. Another pony had started shift, and therefore taken over her duties and so she slept.

For Rob, that night he slept deeply, whether due to exhaustion or drugs.

Somewhere, Celestia laughed.