Saccharine Arcadia

Chapter 5: Under So Much Stress!

Ponyville Hospital, Room 7:

Unlike the day before, Rob awoke to a cold breeze. His whole body felt stiff and he noticed a sharp pain in his back. He grunted and turned over which only served to make the pain worse. Opening one eye he gazed ahead, and was met with what appeared to be a white sheet. Upon closer inspection he realised it was a curtain, and by the time he opened his other eye, he’d remembered that he was in the hospital. For some reason his head felt groggy.

Grunting some more, he lifted himself up and rested his weight on one elbow, propping himself up. He raised his left arm up to wipe the sleep away from his eyes and was promptly punched in the face by a large white fist.

“Sonofa- The fuck is this thing!?”

He looked down at the cast.

“Right, right.”

“Well, I suppose I’m awake now…”

He turned over and looked for a bedside table. There wasn’t one. And after some fumbling around Rob remembered that he went to bed with his trousers on. Strangely though, he couldn’t remember the ‘going to sleep’ part very well.

“Morphine…”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew his phone which by now was on only one third battery life. It registered seven thirty. He moaned and slumped down against the pillows again, noticing how much better they were to the Earth hospital pillows.

“Awww damn. Wide awake at half seven. What the hell am I going to do for like, three hours while I wait for the others? Applejack may be up, working on a farm and all… Even if that is the case, she isn’t gonna come visit me.”

The room was deadly silent, and this meant that even the smallest sound could be heard from rather far away, one such sound which fell into that category was some light breathing from somewhere across the room. Rob turned some more, grunting yet again in the process, and noticed that upon closer inspection, that there was tuft of rainbow coloured hair sticking out of the bed opposite from him. He presumed it was a tail, as it was swishing back and forth menacingly, but in a playful manner. He assumed Rainbow was having an action packed dream of some sorts, from what little he knew of her, it probably involved racing or flying really fast. Even in her dreams she pushed herself to the limits.

“I could wake up Rainbow… Although she pro-”

“Yeah, but that’d be a dick move.”

“HOLY FUCK-NUGGETS! T-the fuck? W-why would you do that…?”

“Shits ‘n giggles.”

“No. Celestia, you rule a country, you shouldn’t be saying ‘shit’, it’s improper. Act more like a princess damnit.”

“Phew… My god…”

“Regardless, why are you here?”

“Well, I wondered if you were able to rescue Rainb-”

“Ahh yes! The forest! We’re gonna talk about that you evil… Alicorn… Uh, sorcerer-horse! Yeah! You abandoned me! What’s up with that? And you say ‘I’ play dick moves.”

“Oh yeah. The um, Everfree runs of its own magical accord. My magic has no effect within it. The telepathy cut out. My bad. Te-he~”

“My bad. My bad! My bad!? Bitch, I almost died! That, you are correct, isn’t ‘your’ bad, it’s, ‘my’ bad, ‘my’ very, very bad! I didn’t come here to just be killed by some living kindling in two days! That’s crap! And ‘Te-he~! What the hell is ‘Te-he~’, you aren’t a thirteen-year-old school girl from the nineteen-fifties! Never do that again!”

“Are you quite done?”

“You make me so angry sometimes…”

“I know.”

“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

“No reason. I’m sitting here on the throne, bored out of my wits. I thought I’d look you up.”

“Meh, I’ve got nothing better to do. You on the other hand, shouldn’t you be doing diplomatic things, ya’ know, for the good of the nation?”

“It’s all under control. Trust me. I met with some griffon chancellors this morning and negotiated some new trade routes through our borders. See, all under control.”

“If you say so. Personally, I think the whole of ponydom is screwed with you at the helm…”

“Humph. How very rude.”

“Great. So, if you feel like being useful, is there anything you can tell me about the country or, nation, of Equestria? I take it the world doesn’t end after Canterlot?”

“Well, Equestria is a nation, we’re roughly central in the grand scheme of things. To the east, through the bulk of the Everfree lie the Dragonlands. No one really goes there, as they fear the Everfree too much to plan the long journey through it.”

“Not to mention the hordes of dragons…”

“Anyhow, if you head north, you come across the Griffon Kingdoms and far to the west lie The Pitts, home to the majority of the Diamond Dog dens. The south is mainly occupied by oceans, but there are landmasses on the other side, we just have no real connection to them. Equestria is quite the self-sustaining place!”

“Ok then, tell me about the Griffon Kingdoms? I’m interested, I’ve always wanted to meet a griffon. They sound cool.”

“Oh, they are. Just never say it to their faces. As you, may have guessed, they’re quite prideful creatures, and saying things like that tends to go to their heads. They aren’t violent or anything, just highly competitive. Add that to the fact that they feel the need to prove their strength at every possible occasion, and they don’t need any more ego boosts.”

“Right, sounds like Dash is part griffon then... So how big are they?”

“Hmm, I’ve never really thought about it. I’d say smaller than me and you height wise, but larger than you in general. Comparatively, think ‘Big Mac with wings’ for a good idea. Of course, much of their size can be put down to streamlining in a sense. They have no real fat, mainly just muscle, and to some extent they look larger due to the ‘puffiness’ of their feathers.

“So, big, lean, fighting machines?”

“I suppose so. Yeah, my advice would be not to irritate or challenge one.”

“Sounds like a plan. ‘Wolfie’ was bad enough.”

“Wolfie?”

“One of the many, more ‘kind’ names I have dubbed that little bastard in the forest back there. Say, want me to fill you in on that.”

“Uh, no, it’s ok. I’ll have Twilight file a report or something, all is under control.”

“Those words do not suit you. Celestia and ‘under control’ should not be used in the same sentence.”

“Meanie!”

“Whatever. So, tell me more about these griffons?”

“Well, they occupy the majority of the northern territories and as I said, are rather prideful creatures. This shows in their architecture and overall demeanour. If you look at their capital city, a place named Aeriens, you can see this clearly. Gold spires stretch high to the sky, embedded in cliffs and mountain tops. The northern regions are already high up, way above sea level, and mile-high-spires only accentuate that height. Cloud banks roll around the peaks and make it look similar to Cloudsdale, only with different building design, not that you’ve been there either… It really is a magnificent sight to behold. They have other large cities, comparable to the likes of Manehattan and Fillydelphia too; Synthinia and Vinoverica come to mind. Just like us ponies though, they have many ground based towns and villages, and run things very similarly.”

“Cool, I actually want to go there at some point, it sounds great. I wonder about their demographics in comparison to Equestria… To be honest, I haven’t seen any other races in Ponyville, the population seems to be ninety-five per cent female ponies, four per cent male ponies and one per cent me. To be fair, Big Mac is totally in there! He will SO be getting laid at some point! Lucky bastard… Haha~oh-shit! Did I call a nurse pony sexy last night?”

“Yes. Yes you did. But she seemed flattered so that’s ok. Let’s get this straight mister, you mess with my ponies feelings, I might just have to mess with your pen~”

“Whoa! Stop right there! (Criminal scum!) Back the hell up Princess! You can be a real freak sometimes. And I don’t wanna be on the receiving end of some ultra-freaky stalker-ish behaviour, on your part, of course.”

“Have it your way.”

“I will. So, onto the Diamond Dogs. Teach me woman.”

“A little sexist don’t you think?”

“I just had the ruler of Equestria sexually harass me, I don’t wanna hear this crap coming from you.”

“Fine. Ok! Lesson number two! Diamond Dogs. As I said, Diamond Dogs live in The Pitts, it has a more guttural sounding name in their native language, but Diamond Dogs are all for practicality, and the name ‘Pitts’, just sorta stuck. As you may have guessed, these ‘Pitts’ are located underground. There are many reasons for this, the first is that the majority of Diamond Dog income is gems. Any sort really, rubies, sapphires, diamonds, you name it, they mine it. Actually, it’s not just gems. Many construction materials are mined there too; granite, slate, limestone, these are just to name a few. Anyway, as I was saying, the second main reason for them to live underground is that Diamond Dogs are biologically more accustomed to the darkness. That coupled with the fact that they have claws designed for digging sort of resigned them to the life underground. Lastly, the third reason for them living underground, is that the over ground is rampant with predatory beasts. I’m not talking about the Manticores and Timber Wolves of the Everfree, I’m talking about Dust Serpents and Wyrms. Big, bad, monsters.

“Sounds nasty. What’s Diamond Dog society like then? No offence to the guys, but they sound sort of… Unadvanced? Maybe it’s just because they live like dwarves… Although, come to think of it, they were usually very advanced, especially in most of the fantasy books I read… But I digress, continue Celly.”

“’Celly’? Whatever… Well, the Diamond Dogs live in multiple locations in a number of tunnel networks. Each of the dens will connect to a central ‘hub’ for that area. This will be one community, a sort of, ‘clan’ if you will. Of course, there are also huge main tunnels linking each community to the next, sort of like the highways from your world. Anyhow, as for how they live, yes, the simplest way to put it would be in ‘packs’. They don’t fight amongst themselves much, but there is a definite hierarchy amongst them, an intra-monarchy, sort of system if you like. Overall, their society is perfectly sustainable, much like ours, only underground and full of dogs, not ponies. Simple, eh.”

“Yes… Simple. Hmmm, something that’s bugging me about all of this is that, aside from ponies, every other race is carnivorous, you know. I’m pretty sure that dragons and griffons would eat a pony. I dunno about the dogs though… My question is this; How have such an adorable little race of ponies survived in a world where everything is likely to try and eat them? Not to mention the fact that every other race sounds like they would be open for war if the chance arose. The griffon pride and the diamond dogs machine like efficiency alongside the dragons power… It seems like a recipe for disaster.”

“You’re forgetting one very important factor, something that keeps all the other races in check.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, you really think that anyone would dare attack Equestria knowing that their rulers command the sun and moon? Life as we know it would die without the sun and moon; changing seasons and weather pagasi, and, even if somehow, something did survive, it would be in no condition to fight or war against us. Crops would die and productivity would be at an all-time low. A far bit of power comes from the sun here too. Without these things, society and easy living would crumble. Now, no race wants this, and with me being the loving and benevolent ruler I am, I simply ask that no one fights, or I will use the sun as leverage.”

“My god you’re scary!”

“I know. It helps to be scary when you’re trying to keep civilization in a peaceful state. Of course, this is a dumbed down version, there are many trades and treaties also at work to keep the peace in Equestria. But yeah, it does effectively come down to ‘mess with me, and I’ll kill the sun’.”

“Or bring a drought.”

“Yes, or bring forth a drought.”

“Wonderful, ok, for some reason, I just can’t take you seriously. So then, talk to me about Dragons. I love dragons! I presume they’re not all like spike?”

“Well, the dragons are a curious race. You’d think they would be all dominant and powerful, and well, to be honest, they are. The majority of the dragon race though, is content to simply collect knowledge. These dragons are known as ‘Lorekeepers’. They live in ridiculously huge temples up in the eastern mountains. You’ve seen the Canterlot palace right? Well, even the poorest of dragons live in places larger than that. But, I suppose they do live for centuries, sometimes they even sleep away whole decades. That’s the elders anyway. The youngsters are much more comparable to Spike, energetic and full of life. Anyhow, the second type of dragon is more volatile, these are the defensive ones, assigned to guarding the Lorekeepers, and they are known as Lancers. They double up as an army of sorts in times of need.

“Dragons are so cool! I knew it! Lastly, you said there are oceans and southern lands. Tell me about them?”

“There’s nothing to say really. There’s a huge ocean splitting the landmasses on each hemisphere, and on the southern hemisphere, lie the zebra lands, these are also known as Equagga. They live in tribes and are pretty similar to ponies in regards to demographics and stuff. Like us, they have small villages and the odd city. The only real difference is the climate and landscape. They live predominantly in the jungle regions and overall, it’s much, much hotter over there.”

“Well this sure has been informative. Anything else you can tell or teach me? I feel like learning!”

“Nope. Not yet anyway. Besides, I have some work to do and Rainbow has been calling you for the past few minutes. If you feel a lump on your head, it’s because she threw a book at you while trying to get your attention.”

“Fun, fun, fun! Well, once again, umm, nice? No that’s not right… Pleasant? Nah, Ah yes! Strange! Strange talking to you Princess Creepy.”

“And you Arc.”

“Arc… Arc!” Rob felt a shaking on his right arm as he flashed back to reality. Shaking his head and blinking a few times he turned to see Rainbow tugging on his sleeve with her mouth. It was very cute. She had an irritated look in her eyes as she let go, releasing the humans arm.

“I’m sorry. What do you want Rainbow?” Rob stretched and yawned as he sat up in the bed, pulling away from the comfy pillow.

Rainbow paced back into the centre of the room. “I’m really, really bored! I’ve been awake for ten minutes now and there is nothing to do at all!”

“Dash, this is a hospital, not a playground, you can’t expect them to accommodate for your boredom.”

She stomped a hoof and walked back over to Rob as he swivelled his legs out of bed, placing his feet on the cold floor. “I can’t fly for a few days and I have nothing to do! I can’t even get home without assistance!”

“Why not?”

“I have a cloud house!”

“As in, made out of clouds?”

“Yes. And I can’t fly. So, I have no way of getting home.”

“Only in Equestria.”

“This amuses me. And I don’t know why.”

She stomped her hoof again and scowled. “That’s cruel.”

Rob placed his hands on the side of the bed and pushed, raising himself from the soft mattress. Using his good hand he brushed away some stray locks of hair that covered his face and stretched once more, before he succumbed to head rush and slumped back onto the bed.

“God, I need a shower, bad. And I’m going to have to remember to keep as much strain off of my back as possible. This stings as it is, and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“So Rainbow, you think we can check out now or something?”

“I hope so. This place is totally lame. We just need to find Redheart to sign some paperwork and then we’ll be free!” She tried to extend her wings but then cringed and retracted them again.

Eventually they found the pale nurse pony and went through the aforementioned paperwork. She wanted them both to report back for check-ups at some point, to make sure everything was healing smoothly, but from simply the overnight observation, they appeared healthy and were free to go. She explicitly told Rainbow to stay off her wing, and Rob his back, she passed him a container of painkiller tablets, and then went down one of the many corridors in the hospital, leaving Rob and Dash back alone in the foyer they entered in through last night.

They were just about to leave when Applejack and a hyperactive looking pink mare with a candyfloss colour mane entered the building.

Sweet Apple Acres, Earlier That Morning:

“Mac, I’ve gotta go check on Arc and Rainbow in the hospital, can I count on you to take care of the rest of my chores again. I’m real sorry to dump this on you, but he was sent by Princess Celestia himself and saved Rainbow yesterday, I wanna ma-”

“AJ, I know all this. Ya told me yesterday. And for the part with the Princess, I know, I was there. And I also know that you’re worried about ya friends. Just go to the hospital, and I’ll see to things here.” The red stallion replied to his sister in his deep southern drawl.

“Thanks Mac, I owe ya’ once again.” Applejack called over her shoulder as she ran from the farm, aiming for the dirt road leading down into Ponyville. Passing the farm house on the way, she called in to Granny Smith, to let her know she would be out for the day. A shrill call was shouted back and Applejack continued on her way.

It was fairly early and Ponyville was mostly asleep. Applejack contemplated gathering a few of her other friends but soon realised they were probably all still asleep. Twilight usually stays up until the early hours of the morning reading, Rarity does the same but with her designing, and Fluttershy, if she is awake, will be taking care of the animals. Dash is in the hospital and so she’s clearly unavailable, and that leaves Pinkie!

With that thought in mind, Applejack headed off to Sugarcube Corner in search for the hyperactive pink ball of fun.

Soon after, Applejack arrived, and she let herself in via the back entrance. Since Applejack had lived in Ponyville since she was born, and been good friends with Pinkie the majority of that time, the Cakes were used to her or any of the other mares popping in to see Pinkie from time to time. If one mare was well known around Ponyville, it was Pinkie. Visitors were not uncommon.

The first thing Applejack noticed as she trotted into the bakery was the sweet smell of cake. She was used to the smell of baking as she was always cooking some form of apple based confectionary back on the farm. This smell was different however, as many of the goods were sweet, and involved the use of a mountain load of sugar. She was not one with a sweet tooth herself and instead, chose to stick to what she knew; apples. It suited her fine.

She took a look around and once again sighed at the intense sickly garishness of the place. Bombastic, that was the word. She was a simple farm girl and the bare necessities were all she needed, she felt out of place in such a flowery establishment. Not as out of place as in Rarity’s boutique though.

The colour of the walls in Sugarcube Corner varied, orange through brown lined everything from doors to sills, top to bottom. It reminded Applejack of caramel. The entire place was carved out of wood, and to be honest, with the curvy design they’d gone for, she was surprised that the place even slotted together properly. The support beams all looked like marshmallows, or that was the illusion anyway, and then seemingly out of place, the floor was rather normal, a dull blue colour. All the wooden fixtures that lined the outcrops and alcoves had ornate carvings in them, swirls and spirals all filled in a golden guilt colour, and in those areas where there were no carvings, there were instead different types of candy all painted on in a cartoonish fashion. All around the shop there were stalls and tables set up, each one carrying a cake or sweet of some kind. At the very front of the shop, there was a counter with a bell on it.

Applejack slipped past the counter and up the stairs behind it, waving to Mr and Mrs Cake on the way, who she spotted in the kitchen through the gap in the door. She reached the top of the stairs and rounded a corner, coming to a door at the end of the hallway. She raised a hoof to knock but as she went forward to make contact, the door slammed wide open and pink blur tackled the farm pony to the floor.

“Pinkie, what in tarnation are ya doing?” The farm pony asked, slightly rattled after the experience.

“Oooh, Applejack! I just had the funniest feeling in my tummy that you’d be here! It was like Pinkie sense but fuzzier!”

“Right… Pinkie, I know you’re usually like this, but you seem extra crazy today. Is something the matter?”

“Silly Applejack! I get to meet Mr Human today! I just can’t believe you guys left me out yesterday! I was going to throw a super-duper, extra-fantastically-awesome, sugar-coated Pinkie party for him!”

“We were gonna come and find ya Pinkie, trust me, but something with the Princess came up. Rainbow was hurt and Arc went after her. I was going to visit them in the hospital but I came here first. I was wonderin’ if ya wanted to tag along with me?”

“I would LOVE to! Cause I was thinking, it would be so mean if I didn’t at least say ‘hi’! I mean, he is new here and everyone needs a friend, and who better than me, Pinkie Pi-”

“I get it Pinkie, just please, simmer down a little. I’ll take ya. But could ya, uh, please got off a me?” Applejack pointed down at herself to where the pink mare was sitting on her chest.

Pinkie nodded and hopped up off of the farm pony. Applejack got back onto her hooves and looked herself over. After a brief brushing off she turned to Pinkie. “How did you even know about Arc?”

“Arc’s his name? Arc sounds funny!” She hopped up and down excitedly before bounding towards the stairs.

“That mare needs a leash put on her sometimes…” Applejack muttered under her breath. “Uh, yeah, Arc’s his name. But how’d ya know?”

“Duh, I know EVERYPONY in town! Someone heard his name. And if they heard it, then I heard it!”

“Ugh, you amaze me sometimes Pinkie…” Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes, trotting after the pink ball of fun. “You wanna go then?”

“Yeppers!” She called from half way down the stairs. Applejack followed her and descended back to the first floor once again.

Waving once more to the Cakes, the two ponies left Sugarcube Corner and headed off to the hospital to see Dash and her human companion.

Ponyville had picked up a little since Applejack was last out, and stalls were once again being set up all over the town square. She politely waved or tipped her hat at some of the villagers and Pinkie followed suit, albeit, in her own style, by charging up to random ponies and engaging them in various nonsensical conversations.

After an… exciting trip, to the hospital, Applejack was thoroughly exhausted. Even at the peak of Applebuck season, she was not this tired. Pinkie just takes it out of you. The pink pony in question however, was just as energetic and chipper as usual, and upon entering the building, immediately launched herself at her next unsuspecting target.

“DAFUQ ISH THISH?!” A male voice shouted through muffled, ragged breaths.

Applejack looked in time to see Arc flailing his arms with a Pinkie Pie clinging to his face in what appeared to be a bear hug.

“Pinkie!” Applejack and Rainbow called simultaneously. “Get off him!”

“YESH, GRR OWF MA FACHE!” Rob screamed once more.

After a little bit of convincing and a lot of pulling they managed to pry Pinkie off of the angry human’s face. Her death hug was a force to be reckoned with. From Rob’s perspective, all he saw was a pink blur tackle him and then; constant pink, followed by a lot of shouting.

“Damn ponies again!”

“Haha!”

“I will HURT you Celestia!”

“Arc, sorry about that, Pinkie is… Random, to say the least.” Dash stated once the human and pony had calmed down.

Rob looked over to the pink pony opposite him, she looking back with eager blue eyes and she was sitting on the floor with her front hooves twitching. Her rump was shaking back and forth in a playful way, full of anticipation, this scared Rob a little. This mare was too unpredictable and fast paced for him. She had a light pink coat with a vibrant pink mane. It somewhat resembled candyfloss. On her flank was a cutie mark showing three balloons. Rob assumed this resembled fun or happiness, perhaps even partying. Either way, all of these suspicions conformed to the current opinion the human had of the pony.

“Pinkie, if ya can contain yer excitement for one moment, meet Arc. Arc, meet our number one party pony, Pinkie Pie.” Applejack introduced.

“Hi there Pinkie Pie, as Applejack said, I’m Arc and I recently got here fro-”

“I know, I know, and isn’t it super cool!”

“Damn it all to hell!”

“I mean you’re new here and I haven’t met you yet! We need a party, I mean, we really NEED a party! I would sooo love to throw Equestria’s first new human a party! It would be cuh~razy! You’re in the hospital with Dashie and a bit poorly now, but when you get better! It’s gonna be great! Punch and cookies and muffins and cake! Oooh, this will give me more chances to bake some goodies for Dashie’s ‘get well soon’ party too! Oh, oh! That means you need a ‘get well soon party’ also, as you’re in the hospital as well! This will be such fun!”

“Pinkie, please be quiet. Me and Arc just wanna get out of this place. It’s so lame in here, and I’ve been stuck here all night.” Dash deadpanned the party pony. Her eye was twitching slightly.

They all turned and left the hospital, ultimately aiming to return to Twilight’s Library. The journey was peaceful mainly, with the odd exception being Pinkie’s continued random outbursts. Once again, she hopped from pony to pony in her unique specialised crazy greeting method, until she was tamed by Applejack and brought back to the main group.

“She’s too darn energetic for her own good…” She would sigh occasionally.

“So, Pinkie.” Rob got the pink pony’s attention and she hopped up to him expectantly, buzzing around him in her own energetic way.

“Let’s try something.”

“Yuh-huh? What can I do for you Mr Human?”

“Arc, Pinkie. Arc. Anyhow, ask me some questions, I wanna try something out. Go on.”

“Questions? Oooh, ok! When did you last go swimming? What is your favourite kind of-”

“19th of March, mint, forty-three, the higher the fewer, yes; but only on Wednesdays, twice; when I was fourteen, syrup, no, giraffes; but I don’t know why and finally, only if you treat him really, really nicely. There, that answer all of your questions?

Applejack and Rainbow had stopped walking by this point, and turned to look at Rob and Pinkie. Both wore a different expression on their faces. Rainbow looked confused while Applejack looked stunned.

Pinkie just stood there looking at the human with her mouth wide open. Eventually she slumped to the floor. “H-h-how did you...?” She paused. “Whaa?” She continued to stare.

Rainbow whispered over to Applejack, “Hey, AJ, did he just break Pinkie?”

“I-I’m not sure…”

Rob turned to them with a huge grin on his face. “I dunno what’s up with this one, but I like her. She amuses me.”

“Arc… What the hay did you just do?” Applejack asked curiously as she stepped closer to the pair.

“Umm… To be honest; I’m not one-hundred percent sure. It just seemed to me that she likes babbling on. I thought I’d beat her to the punch. Try and confuse her ya’ know. I just thought of it randomly. I don’t actually know why.”

“H-how did you know what I was going to ask?” Pinkie looked up at the human from her position on the ground.

“I didn’t.” He then eyed her suspiciously. “Are you telling me that I answered what you were going to ask correctly?”

“Yuh-huh…”

“Freaky.” He reached down and patted the pink pony on the head. “Don’t feel bad.”

Her eyes brightened somewhat and she sprang up again. “Ahh, no, it’s ok Arc. That’s just never happened to me before. I’m usually quite in touch with the weird stuff that goes on around here, but that there threw me for a loop!”

“Yeah, he fried Pinkie for a second there Dash.” The farm pony said to her rainbow-maned friend. “I ain’t never seen that before.”

“Ok, Pinkie. Hop up. We’re gonna do this my way this time.” He patted his chest with his good arm and looked down at the pony.

Her tail wagged and much to the amusement of the other ponies, Pinkie took a flying leap into the human’s arms. He hadn’t been totally prepared for it and stumbled backwards a little. He clenched his teeth and fought through the pain searing down his back. Snuggly ponies were totally worth it. She wasn’t heavy so much, rather light in fact, but with the force she threw herself, she had a fair bit of momentum. Rob quickly wrapped his good arm around her to support her and stop her from falling.

“Ough! God girl, you change temperament like the English weather…” He propped her up and set her stomach against his. Her head looked over his shoulder, behind him. She giggled as he shuffled her up a little. Her puffy tail wagged happily.

“Woo! I’m riding Equestria's first human! People will sooo want to do this when I tell them about it, because it’s so fun! Giddy up Mr Human! We’ve got places to go! Off to Twilight’s!” She called out, making all the other ponies in the square turn to look.

“Pinkie, let’s not draw too much attention to ourselves now…”

“But why, people need to see this! I know! I’ll make everypony in Ponyville be your friend! Hey, everypony! Over here!” She flailed her hooves around behind the human, causing him to lose balance slightly. He stepped forward to counteract the shift.

Rob heard Dash whimper and concurred with her sentiments. “But I just wanna go ho~me…”

The commotion made a few ponies become curious, and soon, they wandered over, surrounding the three ponies and human. One by one they came over, each gaining more confidence the more the numbers rose. Within the next few minutes, even more gathered, and before too long there was quite the sizable crowd in place.

“Pinkie, what have you done?! I’ve known you for the best part of fifteen minutes and you’ve screwed me over already!”

Numerous voices were heard from the crowd, all muttering to each other; “What is that thing?” A green pegasus whispered rather loudly.

“I saw it yesterday in the square…” Another replied.

“Is it dangerous?” A third voice shouted.

“It was with the elements of harmony, but I’m not sure.” A striped orange pony called back.

“I’m with the same peop- ponies now you morons! And no, not dangerous! Not at all! Loving and kind, and totally heroic and handsome… Even if somewhat cynical and sarcastic at times… Wait a goddamn second. Why the hell am I shouting at a group of ponies about my personality?!” A fifth voice called out, originating from the human who had one arm clamped around a hysterical Pinkie and the other raised into the air, his cast swinging about wildly for emphasis.

“Maybe I can scare them away or something. I wanted to get to know them, but not like this. Not on my way back from the frickin’ hospital with a Pinkie strapped to me!”

“Ooh, it speaks!” A red maned pony exclaimed excitedly from the crowd.

“Awww hell no, not this shit again…”

An elderly voice called out from the crowd. “What’s yer name sonny?”

“I see how it is… Q & A all over again.”

“Uh, Arc, sir.” Rob called back.

By now, the ponies had formed a semicircle around Rob, and a few at the front had sat down, allowing those behind to get a look in. They were a full spectrum of colours and despite seeing many strange things over the past few days, this still surprised the human. Marigold, azure, lilac, red, magenta, grey, brown, pink, white, green and yellow, you name it, they had one in that colour.

“It’s like looking at a Dulux colour swatch.”

Rob failed to notice Applejack and Rainbow Dash laughing at him from behind as he was assaulted with question after question from the townsponies.

“How old are you?”

“Eighteen.” He dully replied.

“What are you?”

“Space ape.” Rob jested. A ripple of confused laughter ran through the crowd. “Nah, I’m kidding. I’m human.”

A second ripple ran through the crowd, this time however, it contained nervous laughter. More whispering occurred and Rob took note of some of the expressions on his audience’s faces. Some showed concern, some fear.

“Surely you’re kidding?” Another male voice emanated from the crowd.

“Why would I kid you?”

A female at the front stood up and spoke. “Well, um, Mr Arc, we have tales of your kind. Although they are quite sketchy…”

“Just ‘Arc’, no ‘Mr’, I’m not someone important. And hey, don’t worry mam, I’m not gonna eat your children or anything!” He put on a smile and leant forward slightly, trying to be friendly, even if he was joking with her. From her perspective though, it probably looked quite ominous and foreboding and she nervously smiled back, laughed, and sat down.

“Maybe that was a bad thing to say…”

Rob heard a shout from behind him and turned to see Rainbow rearing up on her hind legs triumphantly. “That’s what you are! Human! I knew I recognised that word from somewhere!”

Applejack simply shook her head and sighed, mentally face palming at how slow Dash had been to the get go. For someone usually so fast, she didn’t exactly cotton on that quick.

Rob turned back to the crowd and fended off a few more questions. Once again the crowd had increased in size and now the square was filling up. He turned to his left and noticed that a whole café full of patrons was also staring at him, safe from behind their tea and coffee. To his right, somepony had set up a deck chair and was casually enjoying the show.

“Fucking ponies and their friendliness!”

“Fine, who’s next then? Might as well get this community integration stuff out of the way.” Rob called to the crowd, raising his voice so he could reach those at the back.

A garbled hoard of voices rang out from the mass of ponies and ultimately, made no sense whatsoever.

“Ponies! Ponies!” The human cut the crowd. They all silenced after a moment of recognition and all that was left was some laughter from behind. Rob turned to see Rainbow laughing her flank off behind him. Applejack was also laughing, only she made a better attempt to hide it.

“Thanks you guys… Damn women.”

Look, how about you all raise your hands… err, hooves, and I’ll pick someone. Is that ok? I can’t understand what the hell you’re all saying when you talk at the same time!”

They all stayed silent.

“Wonderful. Now then, any questions?”

At his very last word, no less than what by now must have been around two-hundred hooves, shot in the air.

“Celestia damnit!”

“You called?”

“Hell no I didn’t!”

“Right,” he raised his non-Pinkie filled hand to his face and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. “Ok, you in the yellow.”