Dear Diary,

This is so embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m writing in a diary. After all, I sort of make fun of my friends a lot for writing in their diaries. Although I guess it’s not so bad as long as they never find out about this.

Anyway, you can’t really blame me for needing to vent at a time like this, since everything is pretty much total chaos right now. (Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if Discord is secretly behind it.) Since COVIB-19 was declared an official pandemic two days ago, everypony has been acting like it’s the end of the world, and quite frankly, I don’t get it.

I mean, it’s just a virus. What’s the big deal? Ponies get viruses all the time, but we don’t shut everything down and lock ourselves in our houses because of it. Besides, it’s not like I could ever actually get it. I’m Rainbow Dash. I’m a Wonderbolt, one of The Princess of Friendship’s best friends, and did I mention that I’m a Wonderbolt? Not to brag or anything, but I’m clearlyat least twenty percent cooler than most ponies. As if some random virus could take me down.

But, even though I’m not freaking out about it, it’s still a huge inconvenience for me. Yesterday for instance, I went to the Ponyville Farmers Market to buy some food, and everypony was wearing masks and disposable shoes. And get this: Ponies treated me like I was crazy because I walked around normally.

When I went to the strawberry stand, I encountered the first pony to greet me properly and not look at me like I was insane. It was Strawberry Sunrise as she ran her stand, and I was so happy that I yelled

“Finally! Thank Celestia there are sane ponies left!”

Then, I gave her a big hug, only to be shoved away somewhat aggressively. Strawberry Sunrise looked around anxiously, finding that most of her customers had left.

“What are you doing, Rainbow? Are you trying to ruin my business? Did Applejack put you up to this?”

I was so confused. To be honest, I still am.

“What are you talking about?!” I yelled, accidentally spewing a pit of spit on the nearby strawberries as I spoke. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently Strawberry Sunrise did.

“Now you’ve done it! Now all of those perfectly good strawberries are ruined! As if my business isn’t suffering enough right now without your sabotage!”

“What’s wrong with them? What sabotage? I was going to buy some from you,” I said. Strawberry Sunrise looked at me like I was an idiot.

“What’s wrong is that the health inspector has already shut down several booths here, and if anypony were to report me, my business would be closed down until this pandemic ends! Clearly, you have no respect for small business owners!”

I still can’t believe she really said that.

“No respect for small business owners? Oh really?” I said, accepting her challenge. I looked around, my eyes perusing the other stands. I spotted a stand that was selling fancy-looking spices, and noticed that nopony was going anywhere near it. I then turned back to Strawberry Sunset.

“I’ll show you,” I said. I then proceeded towards the spice booth. When I got there, I noticed that the owner, who wasn’t wearing a mask, didn’t look too well. He was an earth pony stallion who was sitting in a fold-up chair, half asleep and coughing harshly.

Making sure everypony was watching me, I confidently strided over to where the stallion was sitting and grabbed his hoof, shaking it in greeting.

“Hi there. To be totally honest, I don’t really know a lot about spices, but I’m determined to help struggling small business owners such as yourself, so what do you recommend?”

He looked completely shocked. I bet I made his day.

He started to get up, seeming to barely have enough energy to do that much. He walked over to his selection of spices, and picked up two bottles in his teeth, giving them to me. I held them in my wing.

“Well, to start you off, I’d recommend garlic powder and *cough cough* cinnamon. They both go with a lot of different things, so you’ll be able to use them *cough cough* quite a bit.” I opened them up and sniffed. Both aromas smelled good by themselves, but they smelled so terrible together that I cringed. The stallion took my cringe the wrong way, and leaned over to sniff the spices himself.

“Is something wrong with their scent? I haven’t been able to smell very well lately, so-”

That had been the longest amount of time he’d gone without coughing, and he suddenly hunched forward in the middle of his sentence and coughed right into the open spice bottles, sending fine powder into the air and right up into my face. The stallion coughed a bit more and then turned to me, his eyes wide.

“I’m so sorry!”

I sighed, a little disappointed.

“It’s fine. The bottles only lost a little bit of powder, so I’ll pay you the same price for what’s left. After all, it’ll still taste the same even though there’s less of it.”

The stallion was very surprised by this for some reason. I gave him some bits, and when I turned around, I saw that the whole market had gone silent, watching me. I put my chin up and smiled at them, strutting out of the market. I stopped at Strawberry Sunrise’s stand on my way. Her eyes were practically popping out, and even with her mask on, I could tell that her mouth sat agape.

“And that is what I call respecting small business owners,” I said smugly. She was still speechless. Guess she didn’t like being proved wrong.

I flew home and put my new spices up, still not entirely sure what I would use them for. Now, it’s been two or three hours, and I’m laying on my couch.

After writing this entry, I’m wondering if everypony acting so strangely could be some sort of magical spell. But maybe I’m just being paranoid because I’m tired. I’ve suddenly gotten very tired over the course of the last two or three hours. I also think that I must still have some spice-powder lingering in my nose, because even though I can’t smell it, I’ve been coughing a lot.

Anyway, I’m going to hide this diary somewhere that no one will ever find it, and then take a nice long nap.

That’s everything,

Rainbow

Author's Note

Hey! Thanks for reading! And just as a reminder, this is not meant to be offensive, just to be humorous. If you liked it, please give it a thumbs up, and stay tuned for future chapters!