Chapters Author's Note
Warning: This chapter includes self-harm.
Starlight's Meltdown
When the night before Starlight's one year anniversary of being in the human world arrived, it seemed like any other night. Sunset got in her sexy night gown but something hadn't seemed right with Starlight as of late. Rather than wearing the night gown that matched Sunset's perfectly, she had been wearing the two piece pajama sets that she had for the winter. When she headed into bed that night, all Sunset could do was sigh in frustration. She missed feeling Starlight's bare skin wrapped around her body.
Given what the next day was, she was going to do what normally got her to change into something more intimate. She asked, "Starlight, why are you wanting to wear those again? It isn't cold outside and it is always so much better when our bodies are making contact. I want to feel your skin! I don't want to feel fabric.
Starlight sighed and took off her two piece and put on her matching night gown. She threw her two piece in the bathroom and then joined Sunset in bed. Like they had been for so long, it wasn't long until they were completely undressed and were making the same love they had ever since the night of that storm after the premiere.
For Sunset, it was wonderful as always. She loved the way Starlight would suck on her, eat her out and then kiss her so she could taste herself. Starlight did her best to make it look like she was loving it and did a very good job of hiding that it simply wasn't that enjoyable for her anymore. It had become more of a chore for her and given what the next day was, she had so much running through her mind, things regarding her old life.
After having plenty of fun for several hours, the two finally decided to call it a night. The two laid together in the middle of the bed with their bodies wrapped together like always but Starlight simply wasn't all that tired. Thoughts of the past were beginning to consume her. She had also begun to resent and despise herself for ever wanting to stay in the human world as she missed so much from Equestria, her magic being the biggest thing.
When the clock read a quarter after four, Sunset was in a deep slumber and Starlight decided that she needed a release, not the type of release that the two normally do but something to take her mind off of the emotional pain that had been building with in her. When it seemed like Sunset was in the deepest stage of sleep one could fall into, she managed to unwrap her body from Sunset's, only causing her to stir a bit before falling back into her deep slumber.
Starlight then decided to sneak into the dining room where there was a drawer where Sunset kept various office supplies. Despite it still being dark, Starlight knew the layout of everything well enough that she was able to easily find it. She opened the drawer and began to feel around in there, looking for something that would help her with the release she needed.
Finally she found the sharpest pair of scissors in there and closed the drawer very slowly. She then headed back into the bedroom towards the bathroom. Once she got to the bathroom, she pulled the door closed very gently before turning on the light. As she looked at herself in the mirror, the sadness within her only became worse.
Seeing herself as a human had been depressing for the past couple weeks but this time, it was unbearable. Tears began to roll down her face as she thought, "Why did I let the passion get the best of me? Why didn't I just go home like I initially planned?" The tears began to flow more as she began to think about everypony back in Equestria, especially those she was closest to. While her father had treated her like a filly up until recently, she even wished that she were back in Sire's Hollow, in her childhood bed in the safety of her childhood home, safe from everything that led her to where she was now.
She removed the night gown and then opened the scissors up as wide as they would go and positioned them right over her right arm. She gave herself an angry look and slashed herself. She let out a sigh of pain as the blade cut her skin and the blood began to flow. The pain briefly took her mind off of the emotional pain she was going through so she slashed her arm again, right next to the first cut.
The tears continued to flow as she moved on to her other arm and slashed it twice as well. She felt like she was going to start crying but knew that she couldn't. She didn't want to wake Sunset up and have her catch her in the act. She then moved onto her legs and given that they were a bit bigger, she slashed each one of those more.
By this point she was beginning to shake as she was trying to hold back loud screams of pain and a loud cry. She then took the scissors to her breasts. She had grown to harbor nothing short of a pure hatred towards the human anatomy. As she was slashing them she was whispering, "Curse these damn things, curse them! I despise them, I utterly despise them!"
Soon Starlight was standing there, bleeding from multiple wounds all over her body and finally couldn't hold it in anymore. She began to cry loudly, "I can't do it anymore, I just can't! I hate this place, I bucking hate it! I hate my life, I bucking hate it." Her cry became a loud, angry scream, "I just want to be a unicorn again, I just want my old life back, I want my old friends back" her scream increased in intensity as she yelled, "I want my magic back!"
Her cries became louder when finally Sunset came rushing in the door and would be horrified by what she saw. She saw her beloved girlfriend standing there bleeding badly, screaming and crying and what scared her the most was that Starlight was moving the scissors towards her throat, going for what would likely be the final cut.
Sunset knew she had to act so she tackled Starlight and after a fair amount of a struggle, she was finally able to wrestle the scissors away from her. She threw the scissors out into the bedroom, grabbed Starlight and began to sob, "What are you doing Starlight? Why would you do this?"
Starlight threw Sunset off of her, got into the bathtub and curled up in a ball. Her cries got louder, "I hate my bucking life! I miss my friends, I miss Equestria" she then cupped her heavily scarred breasts and screamed, "and I bucking despise these things! I bucking despise them!"
As Starlight's cries became worse, so did Sunset's. She got down by the tub and tried to put her arm around Starlight but would be shoved back. Starlight screamed, "Don't touch me! Just leave me the buck alone!" Her yell became ear splitting as she added, "I bucking hate this place, I just want to go home!"
Sunset knew that Starlight had been down recently but she had no idea how good of a job she had done hiding the pain nor did she have any idea how much emotional pain Starlight was truly in and she certainly didn't know how much she missed Equestria.
She then knew there was likely only one way to heal Starlight and that was to contact Twilight and notify her of what was happening and see if they could visit, even if just for a while. She grabbed the book she used to communicate with Twilight and wrote frantically,
"Twilight,
I have a huge emergency going on. Starlight has cut herself multiple times, is screaming and crying about wanting to come home and she won't even let me touch her. Please help! We have to come to Equestria. Again, please let us come. I'm so scared, I'm so afraid I've lost the Starlight I love.
Sunset"
Sunset closed the book and waited anxiously for a reply. She sat by the book and sobbed quietly as Starlight, who continued to cry and scream, didn't want her anywhere near her. After what seemed to be an eternity to her, she got a response,
"Sunset,
This is bad, very bad. You can come over and I'd advise you do it ASAP.
Twilight"
Sunset thought that maybe this would at least get Starlight to let her get near her. She headed into the bathroom to find Starlight again screaming about how she hated her life. She nudged her and was greeted with an angry yell, "Don't touch me! This is all your fault!"
Sunset knew what she might be yelling about but told her something that might calm her down, "Starlight, I got a message from Twilight. She wants us to come and visit as soon as possible."
It took a couple minutes to finally register for the emotionally distraught girl but once she finally calmed down she asked, "Really, Twilight wants us to come?"
Sunset extended her hand out to help her up and replied, "Yes, Twilight wants us to come."
Starlight slapped her hand back and yelled, "Don't touch me! This is all your fault, you're the one who wanted me to stay in this bucking place."
It hurt Sunset badly that Starlight was behaving this way. She knew not to take it personally though as Starlight was not in a normal state of mind. She handed her pajamas on and suggested, "You should put these on. You can't be seen out in the streets without any clothes on."
Starlight let out another scream before grabbing her pajamas and proceeding to put them on. Every single inch of her clothes going on caused her to scream out in agony. The fabric making contact with her wounds felt worse to her than her cutting herself did. Once she was dressed, Sunset offered her some slippers to put on.
Once she was fully clothed, the two headed out of her house and towards the portal. Sunset tried to hold her hand but would have it slapped away. Starlight again yelled, "What part of don't bucking touch me don't you get? I don't want anypony touching me, anypony!"
It was still before dawn and Sunset was horribly concerned about someone seeing Starlight and hauling her off to a hospital as she continued to scream, yell and blame her for everything that had happened to her. Every single blame hurt Sunset more and more. All she could do was hope that getting Starlight to Equestria would calm her down.
When Starlight and Sunset arrived at the portal, Starlight was continuing to angrily blame her for everything that had happened to her. This was starting to anger her a bit but every time she wanted to scream and yell at her, she reminded herself that Starlight had snapped and was not herself. She reached her hand out and could tell that the portal was open. She attempted to grab Starlight's hand as they went through but had it swatted away again.
"Don't bucking touch me! This is all your fault, everything is all your fault!" With a louder scream Starlight continued, "I hate you, I bucking hate you!"
Starlight then stepped into the portal and found herself flying through a tunnel of swirling colors. When she finally got to the other side, she flared her horn up to teleport to the other side of Twilight's chambers. Sunset would soon follow. Starlight and Sunset were ponies once more.
While Sunset was attempting to walk upright, Starlight had teleported and landed on all fours. Twilight would be the first to notice that something wasn't quite with Starlight. While her magic seemed to be just fine, she saw that she had numerous cut marks all over her. She approached her and gasped, "Starlight, what happened to you?"
Starlight had a bad feeling that Twilight was going to touch her and yelled, "Don't touch me!"
Twilight was shocked by this. She looked over to Sunset and asked, "What in Equestria happened to her? She used to not be like this."
Sunset began to cry, "I don't know. She seemed to be down for the last couple weeks but last night she just snapped. It is like she just broke."
While they were talking Starlight took a look at the mirror and went into a panic, "No, no, no! Get that thing away from me! I'm never going back to that place, never!"
She then headed out of Twilight's chambers in a full gallop and soon Twilight and Sunset would hear a crash. They went to the source of the crash and discovered that Starlight had fallen down the stairs and knocked herself out cold. Twilight grabbed Starlight in her aura and said, "Well we better get her to the hospital. They should be able to help with those wounds."
While Starlight knocking herself out was clearly not a good thing, Twilight was a bit relieved. She knew that even her and Sunset using their combined magic to restrain Starlight, especially in the state she was in, would prove to be next to impossible.
When they got her to the hospital the attending nurse was in a state of shock. Nurse Redheart asked, "Twilight, what happened to her, why is she covered in cut marks and what happened to her? Why is she unresponsive?"
Twilight replied, "Well she fell down the stairs in my castle and as far as the cut marks go, I think it would be better if she spoke to a psychiatrist, or at least told a doctor herself."
The nurse replied, "Well we'll get these cut marks stitched up and we'll just have to wait for her to come to."
Redheart got to work on stitching Starlight's many cuts up. As she was doing so Twilight turned to Sunset and asked, "So about Starlight cutting herself, what do you think caused it?"
Sunset replied, "I don't know. She hadn't been right the past couple weeks. She was constantly wanting to wear two piece pajamas, she didn't want us to hold each other close in public, I don't know if I'm right or not but she seemed to treat our intimate moments like they were a chore. Regarding the cutting, she did it at night and after she cut herself, she was bleeding all over the place and screaming about how she hated her life." She began to sob quietly as she continued, "And then she started blaming me for everything and right before we went through the portal, she yelled at me that she hated me."
Twilight put her hoof around her and replied, "Sunset, I don't know what happened exactly but it sounds like she had a breakdown. Given what she said about getting the mirror away from her and never going back, I think being without her magic probably broke her."
Sunset asked, "But what about me? I've went a lot longer without my magic and I never broke!"
Twilight replied, "Sunset, magic is literally part of who she is. During her whole life, magic has defined her and she has used it to do a lot more than she should have and no I'm not talking about the mark theft or the time travel incident." She lowered her voice and continued, "I didn't want to say anything but I knew this would happen eventually. Taking her magic away for long enough would be like taking a Wonderbolt's wings away."
Sunset asked, "So maybe we should have just visited one another rather than her moving over with me?"
Twilight replied, "Yes and right now, I don't know what her future holds but I don't think she should be returning to the human world ever again, it could break her entirely if it isn't already too late."
Sunset looked down in sadness when she heard this. She knew that Twilight most likely knew what she was talking about but the thoughts of never having Starlight there with her again saddened her. She realized that if her and Starlight were to stay together, she would have to move back to Equestria.
Nurse Redheart finally got back to the two and said, "Well I have her cuts all stitched up but she is still out of it."
Sunset asked, "Can we come and see her?"
Nurse Redheart led the two back to Starlight's room and she was laying there, still unresponsive. Seeing a pony that was special to both of them in such a state did bother them. When she finally started to come to, Sunset had put her hoof on Starlight's and that didn't sit well with her. She pulled her hoof away and yelled, "Don't touch me! How many times to I have to say not to touch me?"
Her yell caused the doctor, Dr. Horse, to come running in. He looked at Starlight and asked, "What was all that about?"
Starlight went on a rant, "I told her not to touch me but she does it anyway. She has been doing it for hours, ever since before we left that bucking human world and went through the portal to come home."
Dr. Horse gave Starlight a curious look and asked, "Human world, portal?"
Starlight then went on a rant about everything that happened. She started out with everything involving Juniper, the premiere, her staying, everything her and Sunset did and angrily finished with the thoughts she had running through her mind while she was cutting herself.
The doctor could hardly believe what he was hearing. Everything Starlight went on about were things that he believed would only come from somepony with a serious mental health disorder. What bothered him most though was when she started another rant about how had Sunset not stopped her from that last cut, that she would have been out of her misery and not be in this mess anymore.
He gave Twilight and Sunset a look of concern and said, "Ladies, I don't know what to tell you but I think she needs mental health care that we can't provide."
When Starlight heard this, she became very angry. She struck him with a powerful bolt of energy and yelled, "You're not locking me up like I'm some crazy loon!"
She lit her horn up and was preparing to teleport when the doctor yelled, "Twilight, try and subdue her!"
Sunset knew that Twilight may not be able to stop Starlight from teleporting on her own so she joined Twilight in grabbing her. Starlight could tell they had a hold of her and began screaming, "You want them to lock me up? Why, because I don't want to go back to the bucking human world?"
Twilight replied, "That isn't it Starlight. The doctor is right, you do need mental help."
Starlight screamed, "No I don't! I'm perfectly fine."
Sunset began to cry, "You were about to slash your throat Starlight. I thought simply coming to Equestria would be enough but it isn't. You truly do need help."
While the two had Starlight held in a joint aura, Dr. Horse was able to get a horn cap put on her. Once he did, Twilight and Sunset let go of her but very quickly Starlight began trying to force the cap off. Sparks were shooting out from the base of her horn as she yelled, "That bucking human world stole my magic but you're not taking it too! When I blow this cap off, your marks are mine!"
Starlight began to get up and figured that if she couldn't simply teleport out of there, she would get out of there the old fashioned way. She got off the bed and tried to fight her way out but would be stopped by Twilight and Sunset. While they had her in their hold Dr. Horse ordered, "We have to restrain her! We can't rely on these two and their magic forever."
While they were holding her in their aura, the hospital personnel were able to get her strapped to the gurney. Once that was complete, Dr. Horse left the room and made a phone call to the mental hospital in Manehattan. After fifteen minutes he returned to talk to Starlight's friends, "Well I have had her admitted to the most advanced mental hospital in Equestria, in Manehattan."
Twilight asked, "So how long do you think they will be keeping her?"
Dr. Horse replied, "A lot of it will depend on her. If she remains in the state she is in right now, it might be a while. The whole human world thing will likely not bode well for her. They may very well think she has some sort of disconnect from reality."
Starlight heard them talking and yelled at Twilight, "You're doing this to punish me for not wanting to go back with Sunset, aren't you? You're having my freedoms stripped just because I wanted my magic back, aren't you?"
The accusations coming from Starlight were hurting Twilight deeply. She knew that her friend had broken emotionally but didn't think that those kind of accusations would come from her. She stood there in silence as she didn't know what to say.
Starlight yelled, "That's it......" The crew that was going to take her to a private train to Manehattan had finally arrived. Starlight began to struggle, trying her hardest to get free from the bounds that restrained her and continued to try and blow that horn cap off. Finally they knew that they were going to have to sedate her if they wanted to get her to the train so they sedated her.
Before the sedatives took affect Starlight began to sob, "Please don't lock me up, please don't! I'll be good, I won't cause any problems! Just please don't lock me......"
The sedative was a rather quick acting one and as they took Starlight off to go to Manehattan, both Twilight and Sunset felt partially responsible for this. As they were leaving the hospital Sunset began to cry, "She's right, it is my fault. Had I not pleaded with her to stay, she would have came home and wouldn't be in this state."
Twilight added, "It's partially my fault too. I'm the one that let her stay instead of making her come home. I guess we're both to blame."
As they got back to the castle Twilight began to wonder about Sunset's plans, "Sunset, so what do you want to do? Do you want to stay here with me in the event there is news on Starlight or do you want to go back to the human world and let me keep you informed?"
For Sunset, this was one of those options where neither one sounded appealing. She preferred the human world and wanted to go be with her friends but at the same time she wanted to stay in Equestria in the event that something was to happen and they could at least go visit Starlight, "Twilight, I think I might stay here with you. I don't think I could go back home to my apartment all alone with the only reminders of her being blood stains everywhere."
Twilight embraced her, "That is what I thought. Don't worry, I have plenty of bedrooms."
This was something that was going to be a different experience for Sunset. She had a feeling that she may be in Equestria for quite some time if she chose to stay. She had grown so accustomed to being a human that being a pony felt weird to her and one thing that did bother her a bit was that compared to Twilight, her magic wasn't all that good.
"Imprisoned" in Manehattan
Starlight woke up in an unfamiliar room. She looked around to see that it was painted a putrid dull green. After noticing the color of the walls, she tried to move but could not. She was bound to the bed and this immediately angered her. She began to try to free herself but to no avail. Her instincts told her to try and teleport out of the bonds but all she got were sparks flying out of the base of her horn, which sent her into a fury.
"When I get out of these bonds, whoever did this will be sorry." Starlight screamed.
She again tried to rip her hooves free and it caused the bed to begin to shake. Finally she got the attention of a couple of ponies. They rushed into the room to try and stop the unicorn from knocking the bed over. They grabbed her hooves to stop her from moving and would be greeted unpleasantly, "Don't touch me! Nopony touches me, nopony!"
The two rushed out of the room causing the unicorn to yell, "Afraid of what will happen when I break free? Well you better be! I may not have my magic but I'll still make you wish....."
Before she could finish the statement, the two returned with a unicorn in a white lab coat. He gave her a stern look and ordered, "Calm down. If you remain like this, we will have to sedate you again."
Starlight continued to struggle and yelled, "Why did you do this to me? What the buck did I do to deserve this?"
The pony replied, "From what the ponies in Ponyville told us, you had become violent, that you had harmed yourself and that you had told them some rather strange things, things that made them think you needed our care."
"Care? Care?" Starlight screamed, "This isn't care, this is false imprisonment!"
She again tried to rip the bonds that held her. She caused the bed to shake so hard that it finally fell over. Once the bed fell over, Starlight began trying harder to break free. No matter how hard she tried, Starlight just couldn't break even one leg free from the bonds. The doctor ordered, "Get the bed set up but be careful not to touch her. Even the slightest touch will make her angrier."
The ponies were able to get the bed set up and the unicorn approached Starlight enough to where she could read his name badge, Dr. Clear Mind. He saw a scowl form on Starlight's face and began, "Starlight, I don't know exactly what happened with you but if you cooperate with us, you might not be restrained like this."
Starlight sighed, "Fine. Whatever the buck I have to do to get out of these bonds I suppose I'll do it."
Clear Mind replied, "Well I think figuring out what happened to cause you to break would be a start." He saw a scowl forming on her face and continued, "Could you tell me what happened that maybe led to this?"
Starlight began, "Well this all began in the human world when Sunset Shimmer, my girlfriend, had convinced me to stay with her when I was due to go back through the portal to Equestria."
"You bring this up, what caused you to go over to this 'human world' to start with?"
"Well Sunset Shimmer had to come over to get a new journal because her old one was full." She sighed and continued, "And Twilight and her friends were gone and I had a moron moment and became curious about this human world."
"You asked her if you could go with her and she said yes?"
"Yes."
"Ok but what would possess you to want to stay in this place?" He gave her a half smile and continued, "If it is anything like the comic books you, a unicorn, would go without magic. What would cause you to go without something that important?"
Clear Mind nodded as she continued, "You see, Sunset and I did things that felt really good and caused us to bond closer than most ponies, I mean people, would."
"Oh?"
"It is things that most ponies keep private, that should sum that up. Eventually though, we became too close."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well whenever we'd even have to be apart for even a couple of minutes, we'd begin to get really anxious that the other wouldn't return. When we were together, we clung to one another most of the time."
Clear Mind was becoming very curious about the whole situation, "So did the two of you ever go to the bathroom together in public?"
"After several months, yes. We developed what ponies like you would call separation anxiety. Looking back at things, it really wasn't a good thing."
"Ok, but what caused things to change? What caused you to suddenly decide you didn't want that anymore?"
"Because the one year of me going over there was....." Starlight's mood changed as she was bringing it up, "Curse that Sunset Shimmer. She tricked me into staying! She used sex and holding me to get me to stay." She began to try and break free and yelled, "When I get my hooves on her, she's going to pay for this!" Her focus then shifted to Twilight, "And Twilight, she could have made me come home! She was supposed to be my mentor! She could have tried to lead me in the right direction!"
"What did Twi......"
Starlight's fury was becoming worse. Her eyes began to shine white and her attempt to free herself became greater, "But no, she had to let me be blinded by filthy, lustful disgusting desires. She let me continue to remain a magicless, miserable, pathetic, worthless and stupid human!"
As Starlight's rage continued over this, something woke up within her. She realized that none of this was Twilight or Sunset's fault. Again her mood changed as she broke down in agony, "Oh Faust no, Mother Faust no! It is all my fault, I allowed myself to fall victim to things I shouldn't have." Her body began to shake as she continued, "I just couldn't handle not having my magic anymore and I wanted out, I wanted out."
Clear Mind gave her a slight smile, "Admitting that is the first step in your road to recovery but still, you seem to be living in an alternate reality of comic books. Everypony knows that humans aren't real."
This angered Starlight again, "Yes they are!" Her angry yell returned, "You want proof? Go visit Princess Twilight and she can take you to that bucking world! Do that and then you'll see I'm not some bucking loon that belongs in this place."
Clear Mind was ready to diagnose Starlight with a list of conditions that would keep Starlight there for quite some time but couldn't help but be curious. What if Starlight was actually telling the truth instead of living in a world her mind created? He knew that she wouldn't bring up Twilight like that if it weren't true. Still though, he wanted to see this for himself.
He gave Starlight a half smile and replied, "Very well, I will see if she will see me."
Clear Mind left Starlight's room with plans to call Twilight but feared how she would react. He knew that the two were very close friends and that anything that may sound like him bashing Starlight would not be well received.
After Starlight Glimmer brought up Twilight knowing the truth when it came to the human world, his curiosity had increased significantly. He wasn't quite sure about how Twilight would react to him wanting to see if it was true but decided to give her a call to see if he could pay her a visit. He looked up her number and decided to take the chance of calling her, hoping she would answer. After a couple of rings somepony picked up,
"Hello this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, who is this?"
"This is Doctor Clear Mind at The Manehattan Behavioral Health Institute and I have some questions regarding Starlight Glimmer."
"Oh, and what are those"
"While I was talking to Starlight so that I could properly diagnose her, she brought up this world of humans. Now I think that she is living in an alternate reality, she brought you up and how you could prove to me that she is telling the truth."
"I figured she would and for you to learn the truth, you will need to travel to Ponyville."
"That is what I was thinking. I am wondering if I could come and see if she is speaking the truth."
"Yes you can and I would advise you come right away. I don't want my friend being locked up there any longer than necessary."
"Alright, I will get on the next train to Ponyville."
"Very well. Come to the castle when you arrive."
"Alright, you have a good day Princess."
"Likewise"
*CLICK*
After getting off the phone with Clear Mind, Twilight figured she would let Sunset know. She was in the throne room when Twilight addressed her, "Well Sunset, we will be having company later."
"Oh and who is that?" Sunset questioned.
"It is Dr. Clear Mind. He apparently wants to see if what Starlight is telling him is true. He said something about getting ready to diagnose Starlight but needs to know if what she is saying is true."
This caused Sunset to become a bit optimistic, "So when he finds out that she isn't lying about the humans, do you think he will let her go? Do you think we will get to go home?"
Twilight replied, "Sunset, she has a lot of things going on so I highly doubt he will just release her." She gave her a more stern look and continued, "And what did I say about Starlight going back to the human world? I know that she won't want to and I don't think it would be in her best interests. Going back and being without her magic could cause her to break entirely if it isn't too late already."
Sunset began to sob quietly, "I know, I know. It is just that I miss her a lot, I miss us holding each other close, I miss her companionship and I miss us....."
"You don't need to go into that Sunset. As a pony, Starlight may not have that love for you. She was extremely close with Trixie and if Trixie would still want to be friends with her, she could go back to being the one she wants to spend time with the most."
Hearing the name Trixie made Sunset sigh in frustration. She knew how close they were as ponies and deep down she knew that Twilight was right. She sighed, "You might be right but if she still wants to be with me, I'd be willing to come visit her on a regular basis."
Twilight shook her head, "Sunset, I can't help but wonder if being with you won't cause all those memories to stay with her and she'll never heal and even if that wasn't the case and the love was still there, she would probably want you to move to Equestria and return to being a pony full time. I don't know if you truly want that because I know how accustomed you are to being a human."
Sunset took what Twilight said into consideration and realized she was right, "Twilight, chances are you are right. I have nothing here in Equestria and so much in the human world. I love Starlight but if us not being together is what will be best, I will accept that."
Sunset then headed upstairs to her room to seek some solitude. She knew Twilight spoke the truth but she then began to think about what it would be like staying in Equestria. She sat there for several hours contemplating the good and the bad of each. She then changed her mind, "If Starlight still loves me, I'll stay here in Equestria. If not, I'll go home."
Eight hours after Twilight's conversation with Dr. Clear Mind, there was a knock on the castle door. Twilight answered it and saw a unicorn in a white lab coat. She gave him a slight frown and asked, "Dr. Clear Mind I take it?"
"Yes," he replied "Starlight brought up how you could prove the existence of this human world." His voice became more snide as he continued, "I don't know how you'll do it but we shall see."
Twilight began to head up the stairs and ordered, "Follow me."
Once they got upstairs Twilight knocked on Sunset's door and said, "We have company, I need you right now."
Sunset came out and noticed the unicorn that was with Twilight. Given his name badge and the way he was dressed, she figured that he was likely the psychiatrist that was "caring" for Starlight. She grunted, "So you're the one holding my girlfriend captive against her will?"
Clear Mind replied, "I'm not holding her against her will. She is a threat to herself, she is a threat to everypony else and until I see this human world, I will be convinced she is living in an alternate reality."
Twilight motioned for the two to follow her into her chambers. When they arrived, Clear Mind was the first thing to say anything, "What is that thing?"
Twilight activated it, pointed her wing towards it and ordered, "Follow us and you'll see what it is."
He followed the two and was wondering what was going on as they flew through a portal of swirling colors. When they came out on the other side, he could hardly believe his eyes. Rather than having hooves, he had hands and feet. Before trying to get up he gasped, "Wait a minute, this place IS real? Starlight isn't living in an alternate reality?"
Sunset replied, "No she isn't now I think you should release her now that you know this."
Clear Mind asked, "I do want to know other things though. I want to know if her cutting herself here is legit. I want to know if this relationship she spoke about is real."
Sunset replied, "Follow me to my house and you'll see that she isn't lying about anything, then you'll have to free her."
Sunset led the other two to her house. Sunset was not very happy that the psychiatrist was wanting to see everything. She knew it would be hard enough on her returning to the place where her and Starlight had made so many wonderful, bonding memories but to show a complete stranger the blood stains, it made it all the harder on her.
When they arrived at Sunset's house, she unlocked the door and they headed in. Sunset wanted to hurry up and get it over and done with. Once they got to their bedroom, she picked up the scissors she had thrown out and saw that they were stained with blood. Clear Mind saw them and asked, "Can I take a look at those?"
Sunset sighed as she handed them to him. He saw that the blades were covered in blood. She then lead him into the bathroom where there were blood stains all over the place. Seeing it was too much for Sunset though as she soon rushed into their bedroom, plopped down on the bed her and Starlight shared and began crying loudly. She knew why Starlight did what she did but then began to question herself. She began to wonder if maybe she hadn't done enough to prevent Starlight from breaking.
As Clear Mind was looking around in the bathroom at all the blood stains, things began to become much clearer for him. Seeing that amount of blood caused him to realize that outside of the human thing being real, that Starlight was in much worse shape than he had initially thought. He didn't realize that the number of cuts she had would release that much blood. When he left the bathroom he began, "Twilight, Sunset, this is not good. This is not good at all."
Sunset was crying in agony while Twilight did her best to keep her composure. She asked, "Oh?"
Clear Mind replied, "Judging by the amount of her own blood she spilled, she is a bigger threat to herself than I thought." He paused for a moment and continued, "And chances are she is a bigger threat to others than I initially thought as well."
Twilight asked, "So what now?"
Clear Mind replied, "Well I would like to see some evidence of this relationship. Anypony could just cut themselves up like that for no real reason."
Sunset had calmed down somewhat and first showed him pictures of them together hanging on the wall, with them clinging together in every single one of them. She then pulled out a photo album with a heart on it that read Sunset + Starlight = TLA Forever.
Much to Sunset's displeasure, he grabbed it from her and began to look at it. She tried to grab it back and yelled, "Give that back now! There are pictures in there that no one should be seeing, especially not some stranger."
Clear Mind held it up out of her reach before resuming looking at it. The first images were completely benign, ones of them at a sweets' shop with their friends. Then he ran across some where they were at the beach in revealing bikinis, holding one another close and kissing. He then ran across ones of them modeling lingerie while groping one another and kissing. In the very middle of the album he ran across ones that caused him to wonder what kind of relationship the two truly had. Some of them were of them completely nude with their bodies pressed together and they were kissing. The last ones he was able to see were of them doing unspeakable things together, ones that made him think that Sunset may need mental help as well.
When Sunset was finally able to grab the album away from him, he looked like he had seen a ghost. Sunset started pointing in his face and yelled, "You bastard, how could you just think you have the right to look at my most private pictures."
Clear Mind snapped out of it and replied, "Look, I'm sorry but now I think I can more properly diagnose Starlight but I do want to ask you this, "Do you two have some sort of fetish of being watched while you're doing things like this?"
Sunset shoved him and yelled, "That is none of your fucking business. You're nothing more than a sick pervert."
Despite being shoved, Clear Mind couldn't help but throw in a snide comment, "I'm guessing you two are probably on video too."
Sunset slapped him and yelled, "You bastard, you sick bastard." She pointed towards the door and continued, "Twilight, I can't handle being around him anymore. Could you take him back to Equestria?"
Twilight replied, "Yes I can but what about you? Don't you want to come back too in the event he will let you see Starlight?"
Sunset replied, "Yeah....."
Clear Mind interrupted, "Well given the danger she poses to everypony I doubt she'll be allowed to leave any time soon and right now, it is too dangerous for her to have visitors. Until she is no longer a threat, she will remain in our care."
This frustrated Sunset and Twilight a lot, Sunset especially though. She turned to Twilight and asked, "So with that being the case, do you still want me to come back?"
Twilight replied, "Of course I do. I know how hard being here alone is going to be on you."
Clear Mind suggested, "Now how about we go back so I can get back to Manehattan and make my diagnoses for Starlight."
The two sighed in frustration and the three headed back towards the portal, once they had crossed through it and were back in Equestria, Clear Mind knew that he had better not make any kind of comments or do anything that may upset either one of the ponies that were with him. As he began to head towards the exit Twilight asked, "So are you going to let us know about what her diagnosis will be?"
Clear Mind replied, "Whatever her diagnoses will be, that is classified information that can only be shared with her and that won't be until we are completely sure that is the right one."
He knew that the two were likely going to try and hold him up so he quickly rushed out of the castle and headed to the train station. So many things were running through his mind over what he saw in the human world but given the pictures he had seen, he knew that Starlight had some sort of serious problem that simply doesn't happen with ponies, a problem that would have to be addressed.
Upon returning to Manehattan, Dr. Clear Mind decided that he would approach Starlight over everything that he had learned when he visited the human world, especially the behavior that was unheard of in Equestria. He wanted to see if the behavior was just something she was into or if it was a general human thing.
When he arrived in her room, she gave him a scowl. He approached her but was careful not to touch her. "Well Starlight," he began "I have some good news! Princess Twilight proved to me that you are not living in an alternate reality that you created in your mind."
Starlight asked, "Oh?"
Clear Mind began, "Yes. She, this pony named Sunset Shimmer and Twilight took me through this mirror to the world of humans. I also saw the scene of where you cut yourself and I do have concerns that you may attempt to harm yourself further if I released you or if you may try to harm others."
Starlight began to struggle to get out of her bonds and yelled, "Oh I'll hurt somepony if I get free and he certainly won't like it!" She then attempted to blow the horn cap off and added, "And if I can blow this off, somepony will have an equals sign cutie mark."
Clear Mind knew who Starlight was talking about and continued, "And that is why I don't think you are anywhere near being ready to be released, despite you not living in an alternate reality." He gave her a slight smile and added, "I don't know if it is just a human thing or you are even worse off than I thought but I discovered things that even surprised me."
"Oh?" Starlight asked again.
"I wanted proof of this relationship that you and Sunset had so she let me see pictures in the photo album you two had and sweet mother of Faust, both of you need serious help!"
This sent Starlight into a fury. Her eyes began to shine white as she yelled, "What? She let you look at our most private pictures?"
Clear Mind knew that he should not have looked at the pictures in the middle of the album but given that Sunset got the album out, he figured that he could tell a lie and cause her anger to go from being directed at him to being directed at Sunset. He replied, "Yes, she handed me this photo album that had your names on it and had no issues with me looking at them."
Starlight began trying to blow the horn cap off again and yelled, "Ugh, when I get my hooves on her, I'm breaking her horn off and shoving it up her ass!"
Given the amount of sparks that were flying out of the base of her horn, the doctor was actually afraid that she might actually succeed. He yelled, "Bring in a horn cap! We're going to need it."
The very fact that he was calling out for that send Starlight into a fury. She began yanking on the bonds harder and harder until she broke free. While she was furious at Sunset, she was furious with Clear Mind for actually looking at the photos. Once she broke free, she launched herself at him and began slamming him up against the wall face first in an attempt to break his horn off.
As she continued to slam him into the wall she yelled, "When I break that off, I'll do to you what I plan on doing to Sunset."
Clear Mind again yelled, "I need somepony in here, this patient must be restrained!"
That was enough to cause Starlight's rage to build enough that with one burst of energy, she blew the horn cap to pieces. She then ripped the doctor's cutie mark off of him. Just as she was getting ready to teleport out of the hospital, she found herself grabbed in multiple auras. Despite her struggling, Clear Mind was able to get a stronger cap put on her horn. Starlight continued to struggle trying to get out of the others' auras but couldn't do enough to get out of them. Finally they had no choice but to sedate her.
The whole experience terrified not just Clear Mind, but the whole staff. They knew that Starlight was stronger than other unicorns given that she was able to shatter a horn cap. The horn caps they had there were stronger than the ones that general hospitals have so he could only hope that this one would be enough.
Twenty-four hours had passed and Starlight was finally starting to come to. When Clear Mind was notified of this, he decided that he would attempt to get more information out of her. He was pretty sure on one diagnosis but he wanted to know other things, things that may aid him in at least a second diagnosis. When he went into her room, despite her still being a bit woozy, a hateful glare formed on her face.
"Well Starlight," he began "I think I am able to diagnose you with one thing but there is more than I must do."
A growl formed in Starlight's voice, "Ugh, what is that?"
Clear Mind asked, "Ok, about those pictures I saw. Is that a human thing or did you ever do that as a pony or did you ever have any desires to do that as a pony?"
Starlight began to struggle but noticed that she had been secured more than she was before. When the doctor saw this he continued, "Starlight, if you will simply cooperate with us and lose this rage and desire to harm others, you might not be deemed a threat anymore. You might not have to be secured like this anymore."
Despite wanting nothing more than to make Clear Mind wish he had never been born, Starlight realized that cooperating would be in her best interests. She replied, "It has to be a human thing because before I went over there, I didn't know such activities existed."
Clear Mind then decided to try and go into things further, "I do have a question, did these activities ever become stressful for you?"
Starlight replied, "Actually yes, they did. A couple weeks before it was the one year anniversary of me going to the human world, I grew to dread the intimacy. I grew to where I hated it and it became harder and harder to pretend that I loved it."
Clear Mind knew about how Starlight had been yelling at ponies for touching her, "Is that part of the reason that you don't want ponies touching you? Is it because any kind of touch brings back memories of that much touching."
Starlight's mood changed suddenly. She began to sob, "Yes. I got to where I hated being touched when I finally cut myself and that carried over to when I came back and became a unicorn again. I'm so afraid somepony is going to force me into something like that."
He then decided to bring something else up, things that would help him further. He said, "What would you do if I was to tell you that you that Twilight was going to force you to go back to the human world with Sunset?"
Starlight's facial expression changed and her mood changed again. She began to scream, "No, no, no! I won't do it! I refuse to do it! I don't want that again! Twilight can't force me to do that!" Her yell became even more fearful, "I'd choose Tartarus over that! Anything but going with Sunset, anything!"
One thing that did not really surprise Clear Mind was that the sexual side of things was solely a human activity since he had never heard of ponies engaging in such activities but it was clear that physical touch did bring back unpleasant memories and the very thoughts of having to go with Sunset terrified her.
He could tell that the very idea of that was filling her with traumatizing fear. He then wanted to know more about what else may have been going on in the human world, particularly in the time leading up to the cutting event. He asked, "Were there any changes in your behavior leading up to the cutting incident?"
Starlight replied, "Yes, I didn't enjoy activities that I used to love. I didn't interact with others as much. When Sunset and I would go to see our friends, I wasn't as talkative. I didn't want to even cuddle with Sunset and often times we didn't during the day. I tried to keep my skin covered so I wouldn't feel her touching me as much unless she guilt tripped me. Long story short, I went from loving life to despising it. There were times I just wanted to hide and with the cutting episode, I did it to replace the emotional pain with the physical pain."
Clear Mind said, "Well I would like to thank you for providing me with this. There is another thing that I need you to do, I need you to do an ink blot test so that I can be completely sure."
Starlight was not thrilled over having to do this as she had already answered a lot of questions but figured that if she did this, that maybe she would at least not be restrained so much. She sighed, "Very well."
Clear Mind left her room for a few minutes and would then return with the cards. He placed them in a stack in front of Starlight and asked, "Alright, I want you to tell me what you see here."
Starlight looked at the card for roughly twenty seconds and then replied, "I see two unicorns standing triumphantly over a human they had killed. The unicorn on the left has planted a spear into the human's chest and it is bleeding."
Dr. Clear Mind began to write down what she said and then moved on to the next one, "And what do you see here?"
Starlight again looked at the card for not too long and replied, "I see a unicorn impaling a human with its horn." She pointed her hoof to the right of the card and continued, "And this is blood pouring out of the human."
Clear Mind wrote that down and moved on to the next one and asked, "What about this one?"
Starlight replied, "In this one a unicorn is leaning down and is biting the neck of a human open to eat it."
Clear Mind wrote that down and presented her with one more, "What do you see here?"
Starlight took a look at it and replied, "This one shows a unicorn blasting Twilight's mirror apart with its magic."
Clear Mind wrote that down and then took the cards. He said, "Thank you Starlight, this will help me in not only diagnosing you but coming up with a treatment plan for you."
Starlight grunted, "Whatever."
Clear Mind then headed to his office to make his diagnoses but didn't want them to be based off of just a few days of being around her, especially given that she had to be sedated once for a full day. He did know though that Starlight likely wouldn't be able to be released right away. He knew that her reaching a point where she would be ready was a ways away and even then, that being around ponies from her immediate past may be detrimental to her recovery.
Four months had passed and while Starlight still couldn't be touched without an angry outburst, her mind was clearly better than what it was when she was first brought in. Dr. Clear Mind had his beliefs as to what caused this. He believed that Starlight had been away from Sunset for long enough that her paranoia over having to return to the human world had diminished for the most part.
That morning when he headed into Starlight's room, he had a smile on his face. Starlight hadn't been as angry with him as of late but the look kind of unnerved her. That would change when he would tell her something she had been hoping to hear for a while, "Starlight, I have some good news. I think you are ready to be discharged from the hospital."
Starlight gave somepony the first genuine smile she had given anypony since before returning from the human world, "Really?"
Clear Mind replied, "Really but to discharge you, I need a blood relative to come and discuss your situation with before releasing you into his or her care."
That one word, care. Starlight asked, "So I won't really be free? I will simply be out of here and my father will be basically watching over me like I'm a foal?"
"I wouldn't say that" Clear Mind replied, "but it is something that we do with all our patients. We do it to prevent anypony from being a return patient."
Starlight sighed, "So I take it you need my father's name and phone number?"
"That would be nice."
Starlight sighed, "Ok, his name is Firelight and his phone number is 406-4318-8891. You will have to wait until the afternoon to call him because he is usually at the bookstore in the morning."
"Very well" replied Clear Mind, "I'll call him this afternoon."
Clear Mind decided to leave her room and give her her space until he had got a hold of her father. He did not want her to do anything to risk her being released once her father arrived.
That afternoon Clear Mind decided to call Firelight so he could come and get Starlight. When he dialed the number, almost immediately somepony answered,
"Hello, this is Firelight speaking."
"Hello Firelight, this is Dr. Clear Mind at The Manehattan Behavioral Health Institute and I am not sure if you know this or not but your daughter, Starlight Glimmer, is a patient here and she is ready to be released."
"She's what? How in Equestria did she ever become a patient there?"
"I'm assuming you don't know she wound up here."
"No, I didn't. What caused her to wind up there?"
"We can discuss that when you arrive. We can't release her unless she is released to a blood relative."
*sighs* "Very well, what is the address?"
"It is 11256 W. 10th Street in Manehattan."
"Alright, I will get to the train station and catch the next train."
"Ok but you won't be able to come and pick her up until 8 A.M. tomorrow morning."
"Alright, I understand. You have a good day."
"You as well."
*CLICK*
After getting off the phone with him, he immediately went to notify Starlight. When he entered her room, she seemed in slightly better spirits. He said, "Starlight, I have some great news. Your father will be here tomorrow morning to pick you up."
Starlight got a smile on her face and exclaimed, "Yes! I'm so happy!" She did not like being restrained almost all the time and continued, "With my dad coming, do you think you could free me from these bonds and remove this horn cap?"
Clear Mind could tell that the chances of Starlight being any kind of threat at this point was probably zero so she released her from her bonds and removed the horn cap. After being freed, she did not want to be viewed as a threat so she asked, "Would it be ok if I walked around in here a little bit? It has been so long."
Clear Mind replied, "Yes, as long as you stay in your room and don't worry, you don't need anypony to escort you to the bathroom either." He then became slightly more serious and added, "Now I need to go get your formal diagnoses written up so I can go over it with you and your father in the morning."
"Alright, "Starlight replied "sounds good."
Clear Mind left to go take care of what was hopefully the last thing he would need to do for Starlight. Starlight began walking around in her room and much to her displeasure, walking hurt since her muscles had deteriorated some being restrained for so long. She wasn't pleased at all but she was expecting it though, she knew that this would happen and she knew that she couldn't have even one outburst if she truly wanted out of there.
That night seemed to last forever to Starlight. She got little in the way of sleep as she was waiting to finally be free. At long last for her, it was a few minutes after eight when Dr. Clear Mind came to get her. He said, "Starlight, your father is here to pick you up."
She jumped up in the air and exclaimed, "Finally, I'm going to be free!"
Clear Mind replied, "You will be but I need to go over some things with you and your father first. I have notified him of some things, such as you not liking to be touched so things should go fine." He headed towards the door and continued, "Follow me."
Starlight followed the doctor into his office and when she saw her father, she gave him a tight embrace and exclaimed, "Dad, it is so good to see you!"
Firelight replied, "It's good to see you too Starlight!"
When Clear Mind saw Starlight embrace her father, he knew that she was doing much better than he thought. He then realized that since it was a blood relative, that any fears or thoughts of her past were irrelevant.
Once Starlight got sat down, Clear Mind began, "Well Starlight, it has been a rough four months for you but I now believe you are ready to be released. You haven't assaulted anypony in nearly a month, you haven't had any angry outbursts in over two weeks and your overall behavior seems much more stable."
Firelight wanted to know what was wrong with her right away so he asked, "So doctor, what all is wrong with her?"
Clear Mind replied, "Well your daughter is a very unique case. Now before you go laughing or anything just listen. It was probably sixteen months ago that your daughter went to the human world with a pony that goes by the name of Sunset Shimmer. Well they bonded quite a bit over there and they eventually got into a very deep and committed relationship."
Firelight nodded and he continued, "Eventually though, being without her magic broke her emotionally. When that happened, she wound up cutting herself pretty bad before Sunset brought her back to Equestria. When she returned, she was very violent, was covered in cut marks and she assaulted the doctor in Ponyville with her magic."
Again Firelight nodded and Clear Mind continued, "Now things happened in that human world other than not having her magic that led her down the path she reached. Her and Sunset had plenty of physical contact, more than she could eventually handle and when she returned, nopony could even touch her without getting yelled at or assaulted." He then gave the two a smile and added, "To be honest, you're the first pony that she has made any physical contact with willingly since returning to Equestria."
"So what is wrong with her doctor? What is wrong with my daughter?" asked Firelight.
Clear Mind continued, "Well the first thing I am diagnosing her with is Intermittent Explosive Disorder. I am doing that because of her violent outbursts. Now she hasn't had any in a while but ponies with this can go without episodes for a long time but the threat is always there. If she has one of these, she will turn violent. She will either assault somepony, break things or scream and yell. As of right now, I think she can get through this simply by avoiding ponies who were involved in her going to the human world."
Starlight said, "Mostly just Twilight and especially Sunset."
Clear Mind nodded before continuing, "And I am also diagnosing her with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The events that happened in the human world caused her a great amount of stress, finally there in the last couple of weeks. It was that which led to her cutting episode. What I would advise is just let her hug you if she wants to willingly. Do not try to even touch her without her permission. Such things could cause her to relive what happened and this will have to be the same with other ponies. I would also advise that she perhaps avoid Twilight and certainly avoid Sunset. Those two, Sunset especially, could also cause her to relive those moments and could cause a relapse.
"Anything else?" Firelight asked.
Clear Mind finished, "I also diagnosed her with major depression because she had told me that in the final couple weeks in the human world, she began to withdraw from her friends and lost interest in activities she enjoyed. She had also got to the point where she did not particularly care to be touched but only allowed it to keep her girlfriend in the dark about her true feelings."
"Alright," Firelight asked "so will we ever be able to let Twilight know she is out? They are good friends after all."
Clear Mind replied, "You can but I would advise that you let her know that she may have to wait a couple months before they see one another again and when it comes to Sunset, I would give that either a year or until Starlight is ready."
Starlight gave him a smile, "Yeah, I'd say a year at least, if not longer with her and when it comes to that mirror in Twilight's chambers, never again. To be honest, even going in her castle may be a 'never again' thing."
"I am glad to see that you are able to set limits Starlight. That has shown that you are moving along nicely that you know what your boundaries are." He then led the two to the exit and finished, "Starlight, I hope I never have to see you again. I wish you nothing but the best."
Starlight laughed, "I hope I don't have to see you again either doctor!"
As the two left the hospital, Starlight took in a fresh breath of air and exclaimed, "Fresh air at last, fresh air!"
Firelight suggested, "How about before we go home we go out for a hayburger, I know how much you love those things."
Starlight embraced her father and exclaimed, "Oh you have no idea how much I want one of those right now, that along with a milkshake!"
"Alright sweetie" Firelight replied "we'll do that and then we'll head home!"
Finally, after four months Starlight was free from being restrained in a mental hospital. She knew that while she had been released, that she would have to be careful not to have any kind of episode that would require her to have to be committed again. While she did wonder what it would be like when she would see Twilight again, preferably at home in Sire's Hollow, another mare began to cross her mind. She thought to herself, "Oh I wish I could see Trixie again soon! I miss her so much!"
Author's Note
Intermittent explosive disorder.
PTSD.
Major Depression
It was a fairly quiet trip home for Firelight and Starlight. The train was mostly packed as ponies were traveling all across Equestria. Firelight wanted to discuss things more in depth with Starlight but knew that she likely didn't feel comfortable talking much with so many ponies around. When the train finally pulled into Sire's Hollow, Starlight had never been happier to be home.
When her and her dad got to her house, the very first thing he brought up was her bedroom, "Well Starlight, your bedroom is exactly as you left it!"
That made Starlight cringe. She remembered how she was when she left home. It was a troublesome time for her and she was a bit rebellious, radically different compared to now. When she went into her room, rather than cringing, she began laughing, "Sweet Celestia, I can't believe I used to be like this!"
Her father followed her in and chuckled, "I take it you're going to want to do some redecorating?"
Starlight laughed, "Eventually but for now, I just want to get this teen stuff outta here!"
Firelight replied, "Well I'll let you get to handling it. It is your room and you should have it your way!" He did want to know more though about what happened with her. He asked, "After you do this, do you think you could tell me more about what happened to you? If you don't want to I understand but I'm just curious."
Starlight knew that every good friendship was built on trust and given that after she fixed the problems she had with her dad, that she should give him that trust. She replied, "Yeah, I think getting it all off my chest to somepony close would truly aid me in my recovery."
She stopped her work and the two headed into Firelight's study. He said, "Starlight, now you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
She began, "Well I may as well get it all off." She paused for a minute and started again, "Well it all started when a friend of Twilight's, Sunset Shimmer, needed a new journal. The thing is, Twilight was gone so it was up to me to give it to her. Well I had a stupid moment and wanted to know about this place. I thought the whole human thing was a joke but then I discovered it was all real."
"That had to be shocking." Firelight said.
"Yes, it was. Anyway, there was this crazy girl there that turned into a monster because of a mirror and well I stopped her but then Twilight decided I should stay there for a few extra days to watch this premiere with her friends over there and I spent pretty much the whole time with Sunset."
He asked, "What happened next, if you don't mind telling me?"
Starlight continued, "Well let's just say that becoming a human has its bad things. Suddenly I had human urges, things that no pony would ever even dream of. Sunset and I began to bond in ways that would make even the most promiscuous ponies vomit."
Firelight gasped, "That dirty?"
Starlight replied, "Yes. Well it felt so good and we bonded so close that I asked Twilight if I could stay with Sunset and she agreed. Well we continued engaging in those activities and soon we wanted a sub so this one shy friend of hers joined us and then things only got worse." She began to shudder, "Even thinking about it makes me cringe."
Firelight suggested, "Maybe you should stop there."
Starlight replied, "No, I want to get this all off my chest." She continued, "Well speaking of chests, human females have these things called breasts that the lesbians suck on and play with. For quite some time, I got a great amount of pleasure out of mine being played with and playing with Sunset's and that other friend, Fluttershy's." She paused for a moment and continued, "Then as the one year anniversary of me being in the human world approached, everything began to change."
Firelight asked, "What changed?"
Starlight continued, "Well I began to think about my past life and I missed Equestria, I missed my friends here, I missed being a unicorn and most importantly, I missed having magic. It was all that that caused me to no longer find pleasure in those activities and I grew to resent and hate myself for ever even going there, much less wanting to stay." Starlight began to tear up and finished, "And you see these scars? They are the result of me taking scissors to my skin and slashing myself." She pointed to her chest and finished, "And these scars are from me trying to tear my breasts to shreds. I hated them and wanted them gone."
Firelight asked, "And I take it that is when you came back to Equestria?"
Starlight continued, "Yes. Sunset and Twilight communicate through this book and Twilight said to bring me home. Well I became violent when Sunset tried touching me, I became more violent after I got back to Equestria when Twilight tried touching me, I attacked the ponies at the hospital in Ponyville and well, that is how I wound up in the mental hospital."
Firelight became curious about the touching thing, "The doctor made a big deal about you being touched. What caused that?"
Starlight replied, "Well it was because of all the intimate touching in the human world. When I finally broke, I feared that any and all touching would lead to things like that. It wasn't until I saw you, a pony I knew wouldn't do that, that I felt comfortable being touched."
"So," he asked "do you think you'll ever feel comfortable touching anypony else ever again?"
"I might" Starlight replied, "but probably not anytime soon." Starlight felt she had told him enough and added, "I would really like to get to work on my room again. All that teen stuff has got to go!"
"Thanks for opening up that much Starlight. I'll let you get back to work now." Firelight replied
Starlight then got back to work and finished, "For now though, I want to erase the painful memories of my teenage years."
Firelight nodded and let Starlight get to work. The first thing that had to go was the horned skull on her headboard. "Ugh, seriously?" she gagged. She saw there were plenty of skull decorations and wondered what would possess her to like such things. The next things that had to go were the chains hanging from the ceiling. After that were all the decorations and posters on the wall. As she continued to throw more and more things away, her room began to look more bare and like that of somepony who wanted a clean slate.
Once she had thrown everything into a trash bag and hauled it out to the garbage, she sighed, "A new start! It is time for a new start!"
She then headed into her bedroom and looked into the one thing that she did not discard, her mirror. It was an oval mirror, one that slightly resembled Twilight's mirror but given that it didn't have any magical properties, it did not bother her any. She then began to think about something else, her mane and tail. The way she had it styled was how it was when she followed Sunset through the mirror and decided that she needed a new look.
"What kind of look" she thought, "what should I go for?"
She then thought about everything from her past and how her mane was. There was one part of her that wanted to revert to the mane style that she had when she ran her village since she thought that bangs would look good. She then realized that she was no more mentally stable back then than she really was now. She did want bangs for sure but couldn't help but wonder what would look good. She finally decided to consult with the one pony who had always been there for her, even when she was less than pleasant to him.
"Dad," she questioned "I'm thinking of going for a new look. What do you think would look good?"
She headed into his study and this was something that he never thought about and definitely never expected Starlight to ask him. He loved her regardless and said, "Starlight, it is whatever you want. You are a grown pony and you don't need me to decide."
Starlight sighed, "Dad, I simply asked for advice. I'm not asking you to decide for me."
This was something that was horribly difficult for Firelight. He thought that Starlight would look perfect no matter what and had absolutely no clue as to how a mare should wear her hair. He knew that Starlight was getting older and likely wanted something that looked a bit more mature than the younger mare look she had going on.
He sat there for several minutes thinking, much to Starlight's displeasure, until he decided to pull out a photo album with pictures from before she was born. Her mother died during childbirth so she never got to see her. Her mother's mane was a bit straighter and hung down to the side. Her tail initially went up before curving down and then out a bit. Her mane style also would give her the bangs that she liked. She gasped, "Mom's style looks a lot like the local dentist up in Ponyville, Dr. Colgate."
She had a huge smile on her face and continued, "I love it! I think I'll go with mom's style!"
This will be what Starlight's new mane and tail style will be like.
Firelight had a huge smile on his face, "Alright sweetie. Let's get you to the salon and get you a new style!"
Firelight grabbed the photo album so the stylist would know exactly what she wanted. He was glad to see that Starlight seemed so happy and thought that starting over with removing her past from her bedroom and going with a new mane and tail style. He felt that she truly was wanting to do away with the past that had caused her so much turbulence.
After their trip to the salon, Starlight felt like a new pony. She felt like she had washed away all of the things from her past. She had a new mane and tail style, she had got everything off her chest regarding what happened to her and she had cleared the less than pleasant past out of her room.
While she and her father were walking through town, Starlight heard something, something extremely familiar. She heard fireworks and thought to herself, "It can't be! It can't be her!"
Firelight heard this and asked, "Who can't be her?"
Starlight pointed her hoof off in the direction of the fireworks and exclaimed, "Trixie! My best friend Trixie!"
Firelight wasn't sure exactly how being around somepony close to her in the past would do as far as her recovery went but given how she put so much emphasis on "best friend" he pointed in the same direction and suggested, "Well you should go tell her hi. It is obvious you miss her and I'm betting she misses you too."
Starlight was kind of unsure whether she should approach her or not given that she was just now recovering but with another suggestion from her father, she headed towards Trixie's show and pushed her way up to the front. When Trixie saw her, she stopped right in the middle of her show, jumped off the stage and quickly embraced Starlight."
"Starlight, where have you been? I've been worried sick about you!" Trixie exclaimed.
Starlight returned the tight embrace and replied, "It is a long story Trixie, a very long story."
Trixie was curious as to what happened so she announced, "The Great and Powerful Trixie is sorry everypony but she must stop her show early so she can visit with her best friend!"
The two headed back towards Firelight. Starlight really didn't want to have her Trixie time with her dad but figured that she would at least introduce the two. Once they got within earshot of him, Starlight introduced them, "Dad, this is Trixie. Trixie, this is my dad, Firelight."
The two shook hooves and greeted one another. It felt kind of odd to Trixie for her best friend to be with her father, one that she had described as a pony who had always treated her like a foal until recently. Trixie asked, "So, you're Starlight's dad?"
Firelight replied, "Yes I am." He gave Trixie a smile and continued, "You know, the times Starlight and I have been together ever since we got close again, she has done nothing but give rave reviews about you."
Trixie returned the smile, "Well who wouldn't give The Great and Powerful Trixie rave reviews?"
Starlight really wanted some time alone with Trixie to catch up. She said, "Dad, I'm going to go spend some alone time with Trixie. Her and I have so much to talk about."
"Alright Starlight," Firelight replied "you and Trixie have a good time."
"We will, we will."
Starlight and Trixie took off towards the south, towards a local park where Starlight could talk to Trixie about everything that happened to her that caused her to not only leave for so long but to ultimately wind up with a new mane and tail style. Once they got to the park Trixie asked, "Starlight, what happened to you? Why did you disappear for so long?"
Starlight replied, "Like I said, it is a very long story."
Starlight then began to tell Trixie about everything that happened. She told her about Sunset needing a new journal, her curiosity about the human world, the premiere, the things that her and Sunset did together. She would then be interrupted by Trixie. She gasped, "Starlight, you did all that? But I thought you were going to not even kiss anypony until you met the right mare!" *WINK!*
Starlight blushed before continuing, "Well when you go through that mirror and turn into a human, you get human urges and let's just say, humans have rather nasty urges. The urges they have are things that us ponies would never even think of, much less actually do."
Trixie sighed, "Oh, ok."
Starlight replied, "Trixie, I'm back to being a pony and I don't have those urges anymore, I don't have feelings like that for Sunset and to be honest, I would rather never run into Sunset Shimmer ever again."
Trixie's ears perked up, "Really, you don't?" *WINK!*
Starlight blushed but then got back to where she was. She got into how as the anniversary of her going to the human world slowly began to eat away at her and then she told her about the night that she broke. She told her about the cutting, the violence, her return to Equestria, the violence in the hospital and then her time in the mental hospital."
Trixie was shocked that Starlight had been through all that. She said, "If I would have been there that night when you came back, I could have taken you with me. I could have stopped you from being locked away."
Starlight shook her head, "Trixie, had you been there the night Sunset brought me back, I would have been unrecognizable and I was violent towards everypony. You would have either had you hoof swiped away, you would have been yelled at or I would have attacked you with my magic."
Trixie sat there stunned. She had no idea that such an experience would cause Starlight to become such a different pony. She was not thrilled about who was likely responsible for her breaking that way though. She became angry, "Ugh, when I get my hooves on Sunset, she'll be sorry for doing this to you!"
Trixie was incredibly angry but Starlight would calm her down, "Trixie, I was partially responsible for it too and besides, Sunset isn't worth you going to jail over."
"Oh you're right." Trixie replied, "I just wish I could do something to avenge you."
Starlight suggested, "How about you just be here for me. Having my best friend around to keep me company is more than enough."
Trixie gave her a huge smile and replied, "Your best friend!" *WINK!*
Starlight couldn't help but smile speculate, "You're wanting me as more than a friend aren't you?"
Trixie replied, "What would make you say that?" *WINK!*
While Starlight did consider Trixie her best friend and at that point in time, the only pony outside of her father she could trust, she was really unsure. "Trixie, I'm not sure. I just got out of the mental hospital and for right now I need to focus on myself and fully recovering."
Trixie sighed, "Oh, ok."
Starlight could tell that Trixie was very disappointed in this but deep down she was kind of hoping they could be together once the time was right, "Trixie, I'm not saying no. I'm saying not yet." She got a smile on her face and added, "When the time is right, we can be marefriends."
Trixie hugged her and exclaimed, "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Starlight returned the hug and suggested, "You're welcome Trixie but how about we go and grab a bite to eat for right now. What is a friendly get together without getting together for lunch?"
Trixie replied, "Well it certainly wouldn't be great and powerful if we didn't!"
Starlight laughed and the two headed back into town. While Starlight did want to hook up with Trixie someday and she knew Trixie was hoping that would be sooner rather than later, she remained cautious. While she had gotten to where hugging didn't bother her any, things like kissing were still on her no list. She knew that Trixie would likely want kisses, probably plenty of them, and that was something that she simply wasn't ready for. Her primary thought while they were heading towards the cafe was, "Eventually Trixie, eventually."
Convincing Starlight to Go
Eight months had passed since Starlight had been released from the mental hospital and life had returned to normal, well somewhat. She and Trixie had grown much closer as friends. Trixie was a bit frustrated that they had yet to move on to being marefriends but she knew that with everything that happened to Starlight, she still needed time to fully heal.
Trixie had decided to, for the time, to take up permanent residence in Sire's Hollow until Starlight had healed sufficiently that she could at least go with her on short tours. Starlight had returned to being her great and powerful assistant but still, she felt the safest in her childhood bedroom, the safest from the turbulence that still haunted her dreams from time to time.
One day though, Trixie decided that perhaps they should go on a trip. She really hoped that this trip and magic show would be what would finally get Starlight to realize that she had finally healed and would be ready for a relationship. She also knew that this trip, a trip to Ponyville, could set Starlight back if she encountered a certain bacon maned mare who might still be in Equestria waiting for her.
That day was like most days, Starlight and Firelight had sat down to breakfast and were enjoying eggs, hay bacon and toast. During that meal though, there was a knock on the door. Firelight got up and answered it, "Oh hi Trixie. Here to see Starlight I take it?"
Trixie replied, "Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie is here to see her best friend!"
Firelight motioned for her to go in where she would join the two at the dining room table. Trixie had a huge smile on her face and suggested, "Starlight, The Great and Powerful Trixie thinks that we should go on a road trip, a magic trip!"
Starlight had an uncertain look on her face, "Ok, where are you wanting us to go? Appaloosa, Dodge Junction, Baltimare?"
Trixie knew that she couldn't just come out and say what her plan was so she decided to let Starlight know what she thought about her progress. "Starlight, you have been out of the hospital for eight months and I have seen for myself how much you have improved. I remember when at first the only ponies you would talk to were me and your dad but now, look at you. You are out there, helping me like you once did! You mingle with the crowds here after our shows and your confidence seems to build with every passing day."
Starlight asked, "What is it you are suggesting? Why is it I have a bad feeling about this?"
Trixie replied, "Starlight, I think it is time for one final test. I think that if you can pass this one, you will be able to face anything."
Starlight froze. She knew exactly what Trixie was talking about, "You're wanting us to go to Ponyville, aren't you?"
Trixie replied, "Yes I do because I think that going there will help you overcome your past."
Starlight began to breathe heavily as the very thoughts of going to the place where that mirror was. Firelight saw this and suggested, "Starlight honey, Trixie makes a point. This could be what it takes for you to fully heal for the most part."
Starlight asked, "But what if Sunset is there? What if she begged me to go back with her? What if she was to try and kiss me?"
Firelight, "Nopony is going to force you to do anything and like I said, Trixie makes a point. Perhaps it will be talking to her that can help you heal completely."
With both her father and her best friend telling her this, she began to think that perhaps this would be her chance to heal completely. She then began to think that maybe Sunset wouldn't be there and that seeing Twilight might not be so bad so she finally agreed, "Oh alright, so when do you want to do this?"
Trixie replied, "Well I was thinking that we could head out after you finish breakfast. That way we can get there sooner, we can put on our show, you can see your other friends and then we can come back."
Initially the very thoughts of leaving that soon did not sound very appealing to Starlight but then she decided that if she didn't do it now, she may never do it. She said, "Oh alright, we can go after I'm done with breakfast."
Firelight gave her a smile and Trixie said, "Good. Don't worry about what we'll do for food. I bought some hay cakes and some cider before I headed over here." Her smile got bigger as she added, "And I packed light so we'll have plenty of room!"
That got a laugh out of Starlight, "Don't want a repeat of our attempt to go to Saddle Arabia?"
Trixie laughed, "Exactly!" Trixie noticed that Starlight had finished eating and continued, "Well shall we?"
Starlight nodded and Firelight suggested, "Now if it gets to be too much for you, just teleport out of there. With as good as your teleportation is, you could just teleport back home."
Starlight replied, "That would be my plan."
Starlight and Trixie then headed out to her wagon and took off in the direction of Ponyville. This was the first time in a bit over eight months since being released from the hospital that she had even left town. Starlight was really wishing that they were heading anywhere other than Ponyville but knew that they were right, this was her chance to fully heal herself.
The Last Test
Two days after leaving Sire's Hollow, Starlight and Trixie began to descend down the last hill into Ponyville. Twilight's castle was clearly visible and this caused Starlight to freeze. She began to breathe heavily and this caught the attention of Trixie, "Starlight, it is ok. Remember what your dad said if things get to be too much for you and besides, you have The Great and Powerful Trixie with you!"
Starlight replied, "I know, I know." Seeing Twilight's castle was hard on her but again the thoughts of fully healing herself came into her mind. She continued, "Alright, let's do this. If their schedule hasn't changed any, they should be at Sugarcube Corner."
"Alright Starlight, let's go!" replied Trixie.
Once they descended down into town, they noticed that ponies were looking on in curiosity. They weren't sure if it was because they had been gone for so long or if it was because of the rumors of Starlight becoming violent that ponies remembered. When they finally got to the sweets' shop Trixie said, "I'll go in first and then you can follow me."
Starlight replied, "Alright."
When Trixie headed into the sweets' shop, the seven ponies present looked at her in shock. Twilight was the first to say anything, "Trixie, I thought you were gone forever after Starlight got committed."
Sunset, who had remained in Equestria for the past year, gave Trixie a deep scowl, "So Trixie, do you know anything about my girlfriend? Do you know how she is doing?"
Trixie gasped, "Your girlfriend? Who is to say she is your marefriend?"
Sunset angrily replied, "Yes, my girlfriend. She was my girlfriend for months before she returned to Equestria."
Trixie found Sunset's statement a bit humorous, "Well The Great and Powerful Trixie does know how she is doing and one thing Trixie does know is that she no longer sees you as her marefriend."
Sunset flared her horn up in anger and yelled, "What did you do?" She became angrier as she continued, "You STOLE her away from me, didn't you?"
Sunset then fired a bolt of energy at Trixie but it would be deflected by a light blue bolt of energy, a color that was noticed immediately by Twilight. She asked, "Starlight, is that you?"
Starlight entered the sweets' shop and replied, "Yes Twilight, it is me."
Upon seeing Starlight, Sunset got up and immediately ran towards her. Starlight put up a protection bubble around herself and yelled, "How many times do I have to tell you, don't touch me!"
The yell surprised everypony but saddened Sunset. Here it was, a year after being taken off to Manehattan, and she was still not wanting her to touch her. She asked, "You still don't want me to touch you?"
Starlight replied, "No, I don't."
Before Sunset could say anything, Rainbow noticed something, Starlight's mane and tail. She asked, "Starlight, what happened to your mane and tail. You look like you're copying Colgate's style."
Starlight replied, "Well I decided I needed a new look for me starting over again. My dad showed me pictures of my mom before she passed and this was her style. I figured that going with her style would be the right way to go."
Most of them shifted their thoughts away from Sunset and her wondering what happened to Starlight. Fluttershy asked, "Um, if it is ok with you, what happened to your mom?"
Starlight held her head low and replied, "She wound up dying during childbirth and that is why my dad raised me alone. When he showed me pictures of her from when she was pregnant, she had this style and I wanted to feel closer to her. That is why I chose this style."
The whole room went quiet when Starlight explained why she chose the style she did. Even Sunset, who was clearly angry with Trixie and hurt that Starlight wouldn't let her touch her, began to show her sympathy. She was the first to say anything, "I'm sorry Starlight, I'm sorry that happened to your mom."
"Thanks," Starlight replied "I just wish I could have had her in my life as a filly. If I had, maybe I never would have went down the path I did." She paused for a minute before continuing, "I don't know how things would have turned out or where I would have wound up but I doubt I'd have all the turbulence in my past that I do."
After she explained why she had her mane and tail style, Sunset wanted to know more, "So did you just get out of the hospital or what?"
Starlight had a feeling that Sunset and Twilight both would be upset that she didn't get in contact with them and had basically been avoiding them for eight months but knew that honesty was the best policy. She replied, "Well I have been out of the hospital for eight months. After I was released, the doctor thought it would be best if I went home to Sire's Hollow with my dad until I was ready to interact with those from my past."
Twilight had a sympathetic look on her face but Sunset had some suspicions, "Ok, if that is the case why are you here" she then pointed her hoof at Trixie and continued, "with HER?"
The fact that Sunset would speak that way when referring to Trixie did not sit well. While she wanted to flat out attack Sunset over the comment, she knew that such an action could result in her winding back up in Manehattan or maybe in jail. She replied, "Well not long after I got home Trixie was doing a show down in Sire's Hollow. I went to watch it and then Trixie and I got to talking and despite my absence, we were still just as close as ever and now, I'd say we're even closer."
Sunset's face began to turn an angry red but Twilight would be quick to attempt to calm her down, "Sunset, I told you that the love you had as humans likely wouldn't be there with her being a pony and I told you that her and Trixie were close. They may not be a couple yet but I am sure that Trixie is the one Starlight will want to be around the most."
Starlight replied, "For right now, yes. I feel like I'm ready to get closer with most ponies now but Sunset, I'm sorry but with everything that happened between us, I'm simply not ready to be touched."
Sunset hung her head low and realized that everything Twilight told her did wind up coming to pass. She could tell that Starlight and Trixie were close and that there was no way that Starlight would ever go back to the human world, much less be her girlfriend. She sighed, "Ok, I understand."
Trixie wanted to get them out of that situation and out of the sweets' shop. She said, "Well everypony, we must get going. We have to get everything set up for our show this afternoon."
Starlight added, "Well ladies, maybe we can talk later."
The fact that Starlight brought up the possibility of them meeting up later made Trixie happy. She knew that Starlight had cleared that one final hurdle. She embraced her and exclaimed, "You did it Starlight, you did it! You were able to face Sunset without breaking down!"
Starlight thanked her, "Thanks Trixie but I know that there is no way that I could have done it without you." She turned Trixie to where she was facing her and continued, "Trixie, ever since we reunited after I got out of the hospital you have always been there for me. You were there for times when I just wanted to talk, you would come over and join my dad and I for meals, you would be there to comfort me after my nightmares and most of all, you relocated to Sire's Hollow to stay close to me!"
Trixie began to hope that maybe that one phrase that she wanted to hear was about to be said but wasn't about to go exclaiming she would. She replied, "Well you do mean a lot to me Starlight and I'd do anything for you, anything."
That was all the more that Starlight needed to hear. She grabbed Trixie, looked deeply into her eyes and asked, "Trixie, you know you mean a lot to me and the fact that you'd do anything for me means so much." She began to tear up, "Trixie Lulamoon, would you be my marefriend?"
Trixie's heart exploded when she heard the question she had been wanting to hear ever since before Starlight went to the human world. She jumped up and exclaimed, "Yes Starlight yes! Yes I'll be your marefriend!"
The two embraced and engaged in a passionate kiss with the whole town watching. Some ponies did make comments discouraging the behavior but neither one cared. Both of them had the one that they truly felt that they belonged with. As they were kissing, they couldn't help but imagine the possibilities the future would hold.
One thing Trixie did know is that with them being an item now, that Starlight would likely want to be her assistant on her tours and offered a suggestion, "Starlight, after this show what would you think about going on a tour to Saddle Arabia."
Starlight tried to be stern but just couldn't, "Trixie, remember last time?"
Trixie replied, "Oh no, I was thinking we could find that unicorn and see if he'd still be willing to trade caravans! We're going to need a bigger wagon now!"
Starlight gave her a huge smile, "And we need to see if he will still throw in those robes! We'll look spectacular like that!"
The two again kissed before going to get things set up for their show. Starlight was hesitant at first but at that moment she knew that facing the one pony who she wanted to have to talk to the least, she felt the weight of the world be lifted off of her shoulders. She felt more like she did prior to going to the human world, only better. She finally had the one mare that she truly wanted as her beloved marefriend, Trixie.
The Final Test (Alternate Ending)
Reunited (Alternate Ending)
Convincing Starlight to Go
Eight months had passed since Starlight had been released from the mental hospital and life had returned to normal, well somewhat. She and Trixie had grown much closer as friends. Trixie was a bit frustrated that they had yet to move on to being marefriends but she knew that with everything that happened to Starlight, she still needed time to fully heal.
Trixie had decided to, for the time, to take up permanent residence in Sire's Hollow until Starlight had healed sufficiently that she could at least go with her on short tours. Starlight had returned to being her great and powerful assistant but still, she felt the safest in her childhood bedroom, the safest from the turbulence that still haunted her dreams from time to time.
One day though, Trixie decided that perhaps they should go on a trip. She really hoped that this trip and magic show would be what would finally get Starlight to realize that she had finally healed and would be ready for a relationship. She also knew that this trip, a trip to Ponyville, could set Starlight back if she encountered a certain bacon maned mare who might still be in Equestria waiting for her.
That day was like most days, Starlight and Firelight had sat down to breakfast and were enjoying eggs, hay bacon and toast. During that meal though, there was a knock on the door. Firelight got up and answered it, "Oh hi Trixie. Here to see Starlight I take it?"
Trixie replied, "Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie is here to see her best friend!"
Firelight motioned for her to go in where she would join the two at the dining room table. Trixie had a huge smile on her face and suggested, "Starlight, The Great and Powerful Trixie thinks that we should go on a road trip, a magic trip!"
Starlight had an uncertain look on her face, "Ok, where are you wanting us to go? Appaloosa, Dodge Junction, Baltimare?"
Trixie knew that she couldn't just come out and say what her plan was so she decided to let Starlight know what she thought about her progress. "Starlight, you have been out of the hospital for eight months and I have seen for myself how much you have improved. I remember when at first the only ponies you would talk to were me and your dad but now, look at you. You are out there, helping me like you once did! You mingle with the crowds here after our shows and your confidence seems to build with every passing day."
Starlight asked, "What is it you are suggesting? Why is it I have a bad feeling about this?"
Trixie replied, "Starlight, I think it is time for one final test. I think that if you can pass this one, you will be able to face anything."
Starlight froze. She knew exactly what Trixie was talking about, "You're wanting us to go to Ponyville, aren't you?"
Trixie replied, "Yes I do because I think that going there will help you overcome your past."
Starlight began to breathe heavily as the very thoughts of going to the place where that mirror was. Firelight saw this and suggested, "Starlight honey, Trixie makes a point. This could be what it takes for you to fully heal for the most part."
Starlight asked, "But what if Sunset is there? What if she begged me to go back with her? What if she was to try and kiss me?"
Firelight, "Nopony is going to force you to do anything and like I said, Trixie makes a point. Perhaps it will be talking to her that can help you heal completely."
With both her father and her best friend telling her this, she began to think that perhaps this would be her chance to heal completely. She then began to think that maybe Sunset wouldn't be there and that seeing Twilight might not be so bad so she finally agreed, "Oh alright, so when do you want to do this?"
Trixie replied, "Well I was thinking that we could head out after you finish breakfast. That way we can get there sooner, we can put on our show, you can see your other friends and then we can come back."
Initially the very thoughts of leaving that soon did not sound very appealing to Starlight but then she decided that if she didn't do it now, she may never do it. She said, "Oh alright, we can go after I'm done with breakfast."
Firelight gave her a smile and Trixie said, "Good. Don't worry about what we'll do for food. I bought some hay cakes and some cider before I headed over here." Her smile got bigger as she added, "And I packed light so we'll have plenty of room!"
That got a laugh out of Starlight, "Don't want a repeat of our attempt to go to Saddle Arabia?"
Trixie laughed, "Exactly!" Trixie noticed that Starlight had finished eating and continued, "Well shall we?"
Starlight nodded and Firelight suggested, "Now if it gets to be too much for you, just teleport out of there. With as good as your teleportation is, you could just teleport back home."
Starlight replied, "That would be my plan."
Starlight and Trixie then headed out to her wagon and took off in the direction of Ponyville. This was the first time in a bit over eight months since being released from the hospital that she had even left town. Starlight was really wishing that they were heading anywhere other than Ponyville but knew that they were right, this was her chance to fully heal herself.
Reunited
Two days after leaving Sire's Hollow, Starlight and Trixie began to descend down the last hill into Ponyville. Twilight's castle was clearly visible and this caused Starlight to freeze. She began to breathe heavily and this caught the attention of Trixie, "Starlight, it is ok. Remember what your dad said if things get to be too much for you and besides, you have The Great and Powerful Trixie with you!"
Starlight replied, "I know, I know." Seeing Twilight's castle was hard on her but again the thoughts of fully healing herself came into her mind. She continued, "Alright, let's do this. If their schedule hasn't changed any, they should be at Sugarcube Corner."
"Alright Starlight, let's go!" replied Trixie.
Once they descended down into town, they noticed that ponies were looking on in curiosity. They weren't sure if it was because they had been gone for so long or if it was because of the rumors of Starlight becoming violent that ponies remembered. When they finally got to the sweets' shop Trixie said, "I'll go in first and then you can follow me."
Starlight replied, "Alright."
When Trixie headed into the sweets' shop, the seven ponies present looked at her in shock. Twilight was the first to say anything, "Trixie, I thought you were gone forever after Starlight got committed."
Sunset, who had remained in Equestria for the past year, gave Trixie a deep scowl, "So Trixie, do you know anything about my girlfriend? Do you know how she is doing?"
Trixie gasped, "Your girlfriend? Who is to say she is your marefriend?"
Sunset angrily replied, "Yes, my girlfriend. She was my girlfriend for months before she returned to Equestria."
Trixie found Sunset's statement a bit humorous, "Well The Great and Powerful Trixie does know how she is doing and one thing Trixie does know is that she no longer sees you as her marefriend."
Sunset flared her horn up in anger and yelled, "What did you do?" She became angrier as she continued, "You STOLE her away from me, didn't you?"
Sunset then fired a bolt of energy at Trixie but it would be deflected by a light blue bolt of energy, a color that was noticed immediately by Twilight. She asked, "Starlight, is that you?"
Starlight entered the sweets' shop and replied, "Yes Twilight, it is me."
Upon seeing Starlight, Sunset got up and immediately ran towards her. While Starlight's biggest fear was seeing Sunset, something woke up inside her when she saw who was her girlfriend in the human world. She ran to her and the two embraced one another.
"Starlight, it is so good to see you!"
"It is good to see you too Sunset!"
The two tightened their embrace and everypony was in a state of shock given everything that had happened over the past year. Two of them though would be more shocked than the others, Twilight and Trixie. Twilight commented, "Starlight, you look like you've really healed."
Trixie would be less than thrilled. She could hardly believe what she was seeing given that it wasn't even five minutes ago that running into Sunset was something that Starlight feared more than anything else, "Starlight, why are you hugging her? It was just a few minutes ago that you were scared to see her!"
Starlight first addressed Twilight, "Well it has been a year, I got the mental health care I needed and I've realized that I can't hide from my fears anymore." She then looked Sunset in the eyes and continued, "And seeing you again, it brings back so many memories, memories of someone I had grown so close to and has caused me to realize how much I miss you."
Sunset's eyes lit up when she heard this. She asked, "Really, you miss me?"
Starlight gave her a smile, "Yes Sunset, I...."
Trixie would interrupt quickly though, "Starlight, how could this be? How could you suddenly feel this way for her?" She then began to become agitated, "How could you do this to The Great and Powerful Trixie? Trixie relocated to Sire's Hollow to stay with you hoping that we could some day be in a relationship but now you're hugging Sunset? Are you going to pick Sunset over Trixie?"
Starlight was a bit unnerved by Trixie's reaction but knew that she had to be truthful, "Trixie, I know you relocated to Sire's Hollow to stay close to me but you have to understand, actually seeing Sunset again made me remember the good times we had and how strong our feelings were for one another."
Sunset again embraced her and asked, "So does that mean that you'll come back to the human world with me?"
Starlight looked towards the exit and asked, "Do you think we could go and discuss this somewhere alone?"
Sunset nodded and the two left the sweets' shop, leaving behind a shocked group of friends and an incredibly angry Trixie. Once the two got out of earshot Trixie would go on a rant, "How could she do this? How could Starlight still love Sunset when she knew that The Great and Powerful Trixie loved her." She began to storm towards the exit and yelled, "When Trixie gets a hold of Sunset, she'll never wish she convinced Starlight to stay with her!"
Twilight grasped Trixie in her aura and was stern, very stern, "Trixie, you will not do anything to Sunset. Look, I know you and Starlight are very good friends but Starlight and Sunset were much, much more in the human world and while I didn't think it would happen, that love carried over to Equestria too." Trixie began to struggle trying to get out of Twilight's aura and Twilight would continue, "Trixie, if they choose to resume their relationship, I think you need to respect that."
Trixie yelled, "So is Starlight going to wind up going back to the human world, only to wind up breaking and having to come back again?"
Twilight replied, "Trixie, I don't know. I'm sure Sunset will try to convince her to return to the human world but I have a feeling she will try and convince her to stay in Equestria." She saw Trixie get a smile on her face and continued, "Look, if Sunset decides to stay here and they do continue their relationship, you need to respect that, alright?"
Trixie sighed, "Fine."
Discussing the Future
After leaving the sweets' shop, Starlight and Sunset headed towards the local park. The two could feel the affection radiating from the other but were unsure what to stay. Finally Sunset spoke up, "So Starlight, what do you see us as? Are we still girlfriends or are we just friends since we are ponies?"
Starlight replied, "Sunset, as you know I have been through a lot. I fell into a deep depression because I didn't have my magic and I missed Equestria, I had my breakdown and my time in the mental hospital in Manehattan wasn't easy. After I was released, I stayed with my dad for eight months before finally getting the courage to finally leave town and then come up to Ponyville."
Sunset nodded and Starlight continued, "I'm going to admit, I was terrified when Trixie wanted us to come here. She and my dad ultimately convinced me to come to Ponyville despite my fears of what seeing you would do to me." She embraced her and continued, "But seeing you helped me realize that my love for you is still within me. It made me realize that I still want to be with you."
Sunset tightened the embrace and became excited, "Really? You still want to be with me?"
Starlight replied, "Yes Sunset, I do."
Sunset released her hold and began to jump up and down as she exclaimed, "Oh I'm so happy to know that! Now we can return to the human world togeth......"
Starlight would be quick to interrupt, "Sunset, I love you but going back to the human world is something I do not want to do." Sunset's joy quickly evaporated as Starlight continued, "Look, I nearly broke over there, I cut myself up badly and had you not stopped me, I would have slashed my throat." She saw Sunset's face drop as she finished, "Sunset, I know you prefer the human world but I love Equestria, I have many friends here" she then lit her horn up and finished, "and I don't want to be without my magic."
Sunset let out a deep sigh. It was a sigh of frustration and sadness. She remembered all too well about what happened to Starlight in the human world and hoped that she might give it another chance. The more she thought though, the more she realized that Starlight would not be happy in the human world because it was like what Twilight said, magic defines her. She also knew that she had friends in the changeling kingdom, she had friends out at her old village, she had Discord as a friend, she had Trixie as a friend and she had Twilight and her friends as well.
She sighed, "So I'm assuming you'd rather stay in Equestria?"
Starlight replied, "Yes. Look, I love you but returning to the human world is where I draw the line. I love being a unicorn and I didn't know how truly much I loved being one until those last two weeks in the human world." She paused before continuing, "I fell into that depression because I missed my old life. I missed being a pony, I missed the relative stability of Equestria....we don't have the turbulence of the human world here and like I brought up, I missed having magic."
Sunset held her head low and asked, "I'm assuming that if I want us to stay together I would have to stay in Equestria?"
Starlight did feel bad that she was going to be making her marefriend pick between her and the human world but she knew that she had to do what would be in her best interests. "Yes," she replied "I know I wouldn't be happy there and I really don't want to have another meltdown, one I may not survive."
Sunset had a sad look on her face and asked, "Could I think about this for a few minutes?"
Starlight nodded and Sunset began to walk away. She stayed somewhat close to Starlight as she was walking around but she had so many thoughts running through her mind.
"What do I do?" she thought. "Yes I have befriended Twilight's friends but I also have my friends in the human world. I enjoy being a human more than I do being a pony and I just don't know if I would want to return to being a pony for good and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to even go visit because of how much her magic means to her." She then let out a deeper sigh as her thoughts continued, "And we won't be able to do the same things as ponies that we could as humans and who is to say she still even has those urges? What if love to her now is the same type of love other lesbian mares have, no kinky activities, just kissing and hugging, spending lots of time together, living together and traveling together."
She wiped a tear from her eye with her hoof and continued, "Could I even adjust and what if she put further advancing her magical abilities ahead of me? What if we didn't bond as much because of her powerful magic? What if she wanted us to spend most our days with Twilight studying magic? What if we can't bond and she ultimately chooses Trixie over me?"
Rather than helping her come to a decision, all her thoughts were only making it harder on Sunset to come to a decision whether she truly wanted to still be in a relationship with Starlight. She finally returned to Starlight and said, "Starlight, I do love you but for right now, I'm thinking we should just be great friends." She saw Starlight's face drop and continued, "I'll give remaining in Equestria a chance. I've been here for a year non-stop so I guess I can give staying here longer a chance."
Starlight's ears perked up when she heard this, "I can live with us just being great friends." She began to get excited as she continued, "And now we'll be able to go visit my changeling friends! We can go visit my friends in my old village, you can meet Discord if you haven't already and with any luck I can get you and Trixie to be friends too."
Sunset let out a sigh of frustration because it was obvious that despite her behavior, Starlight still wanted Trixie to be a part of her life. She sighed, "Well I'll gladly meet your other friends but dealing with Trixie will not be easy."
Starlight replied, "I know, I know but how about we go tell our friends about our decision."
The two then headed back towards the sweets' shop. While Sunset was really wishing that this wouldn't be the decision they would be announcing, she knew it was what would be best for Starlight. One thing Sunset was really hoping for was that Trixie would be gone by the time they returned.
Announcing their Decision
Once the two returned to the sweets' shop. Nopony was sure what exactly to expect although one would have a slight smile on her face when she noticed that they weren't holding hooves or showing any kind of affection, Trixie. She would be the first to say anything, "So Starlight, are you and Sunset marefriends still?"
Starlight replied, "Actually, for now Sunset and I have decided to just be great friends."
Sunset added, "I don't know if I'll want to stay in Equestria for good and Starlight has made it clear that she never wants to return to the human world again so" she began to tear up a bit "while our love is still there, we have decided to hold off on being marefriends."
Twilight commented, "I think that is probably for the best." She first turned to Sunset, "I know how much you miss the human world so I think it is wise that you're not choosing any kind of commitment here in Equestria." She then turned to Starlight, "And I'm glad to see you aren't going back to the human world. I would worry a lot about you if you did. I would worry you'd have another breakdown."
Trixie would then put her two cents in, "Twilight is right Starlight, you don't need to put yourself at risk by going back and besides, The Great and Powerful Trixie would miss seeing her friend again!"
Sunset gave Trixie a glare which was promptly returned. Twilight could tell that things may wind up going south between the two so she wanted to change the topic. "So Starlight," she asked "are you going to be going back to Sire's Hollow or are you going to move back into the castle?"
Just as Starlight thought she was fully healed, she became terrified again. She knew what was in Twilight's castle, the one thing that she never wanted to have to see again, the mirror. Twilight could see the fear in her eyes and knew what it was over. She then continued, "Starlight, you won't have to go into my chambers and see the mirror."
The look lessened somewhat and she replied, "Well I'll move back into the castle then." She turned to Trixie and asked, "So will you be moving back to Ponyville since I'll be here?"
Trixie stood tall and replied, "Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie will be moving back. After all, Trixie doesn't want Starlight to be without her best friend!"
Sunset flared her horn up in anger and yelled, "Best friend?"
Starlight really wanted to deescalate the situation. She suggested, "How about both of you be equals as my friends, ok?"
They could tell by the look on Starlight's face that she was again becoming stressed. The two then gave one another a look before turning back to Starlight. Trixie sighed, "Oh alright, The Great and Powerful Trixie can agree to that."
Sunset agreed, "Very well."
Twilight gave Starlight a smile and said, "Well Starlight, Sunset is in what was your bedroom but the other bedrooms are just as good so let's get you settled back in!"
Starlight replied, "Alright, sounds good to me."
Both mares gave one another a dirty look before realizing that this was going to have to be the way it would be. Sunset did know one thing though, Starlight did have love for her which was something that she didn't have for Trixie, well as far as she knew. She thought to herself, "Alright Sunset, if you can handle staying in Equestria, then maybe you and Starlight can be marefriends. The love is there."
Trixie knew that Starlight's response focused simply on friendship and she knew that all it would take for Starlight to decide that maybe she is the one that she would want. Trixie had planned on asking Starlight to be her marefriend right before she went to the human world but was afraid to. She knew now that she was at a disadvantage and just had to hope that their time spent together would cause them to bond enough that she'd love her, not Sunset.
As Starlight was getting settled back in, she had a strong feeling that Sunset and Trixie were likely going to not get along all that well. She also had a strong feeling that Trixie loved her. While she did view Trixie as a spectacular friend, she didn't have the same feelings of love that she likely had for her. "Well," Starlight thought, "I just hope they can at least attempt to get along because I'm not going to pick one friendship over the other."
Healed at Last (Alternate Ending)
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. It had been almost a whole year since Starlight had arrived in the human world. At first she was happy, especially after Twilight let her stay for an indefinite amount of time and soon after that, her and Sunset became girlfriends. Once they became girlfriends, the two were pretty much inseparable. The love between them was deep and the passion between them was great. There were many things the two would do but intimacy was one of the things they loved the most.
A couple of weeks before that one year anniversary though, Starlight began to lose that happiness and the passion she had in her relationship began to lessen. Her desire to do things with her girlfriend began to decline, she became less talkative, her desire for intimacy became less and when the two did engage in bedroom activities, it seemed more like a chore to her than anything else. Also, when they would go out to see their friends, she seemed to be more distant and held her head down whenever they were out in public.
As the day drew closer and closer, Sunset began to make plans for the two that would truly make it memorable. She was planning things down to the last detail, from where they would go for lunch, to a shopping trip and she was making plans for the kinkiest, most erotic night ever. She was troubled by Starlight's sudden depression but thought that maybe a day to remember would be exactly what she needed to be like she was early on again.
