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The Devil Came to Oklahoma, and he brought 666 channels with him!
Channel Surfing
Chapter 1: The Devil Came to Oklahoma, and he brought 666 channels with him:
Tired didn’t even begin to touch on how Andrew felt. Exhausted, deflated, defeated, and sunk barely scratched the surface. He looked at his home. Actually, it had been his parents home, and after they passed he was left with it. Luckily his parents had paid it off, and all he had was the yearly taxes, the utility bills, groceries, clothes, gas for his now antique truck, parts for his now antique truck, and of course the determination and will power to get up each morning and go into a suck ass job in order to pay for it all.
Life wasn’t exactly where he thought it would be ten years ago. Ten years ago he was married to the person he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. Ten years ago they had adopted a preteen girl and did everything they could to give her a good life. Ten years ago he was driving a truck cross country and making about seventy thousand a year with Panner Brothers’ International Freight and Transport. And then it happened. He was used to pulling long hours, hauling for his maximum, getting the loads out and done on, or as close, to the minimum time frame that was posted for the job.
He was Panner Brothers’ six time MVE (Most valuable Employee). On the last haul he would make, the very last one that he would ever make, he was delivering a load of dried and canned groceries to six of the bigger grocery chains in Colorado when he began to see it. Truckers talked about it all of the time, and he’d heard the stories himself more than once. Everyone had heard stories about the black dog. The black dog that warns truckers that they’ve pushed too hard, that they’re at their limit. Most truckers had said that the only thing to do was pull over, get some rest, and start out fresh.
The problem was that Andrew had to finish the load. There was just fifty miles left between him and dropping the load. The moment he did he could pull the truck into the parking lot, crawl into the sleeper, and get a few hours rest before heading out again. It was a sure fire great idea. Fifty miles was nothing, a little less than an hour. It was interstate anyway, and he knew that it would be fine. That was when he saw the dog. It was huge, the single biggest black dog he’d ever seen in his life. It looked up at him, its eyes glowing red, and it ran straight for his cab.
He swerved to miss it, and when he did his truck slammed into a parked Nissan Cube. The smaller car crumbled up like tissue paper, killing the man inside. There wasn’t any defense, anything he could say, instead the judge overseeing the court had tried him, sentenced him, and he got two years for manslaughter. He did his best, his wife came to see him at first, bringing their daughter, but then she stopped coming to visit. She continued to write to him for a while, but toward the end of the two years the letters stopped.
He got out, hoping that she would be there to give him a ride, and found no one waiting. While on the inside he’d managed to get into a work detail, and thanks to some very frugal spending he’d saved up about four hundred dollars. It was enough to get a cheap prepaid phone, a throwaway credit card for two hundred bucks, and for him to download the uber app and get a ride to his house. When he got there he saw his old pickup, his wife’s car, and a completely different car. He walked up to the door, and knocked on it to find someone he didn’t know answering it.
“Tina, some dude’s here!”
She ran toward the front door, dressed in a pair of shorts, a tank top, and she stopped.
“You… You got out today.”
He looked at her, and then at the man, “What’s going on here?”
She looked at the ground, “Andrew, this is Tyler,” she said, “When you… When you went inside I tried to work, I did, but I couldn’t make it. We had a daughter to take care of, and so I did my best.”
He looked at her, “Tina, what’s going on?”
Tyler swallowed, “You’re her old man, aren’t you?”
He looked at him, “What the fuck is going on?”
She sighed, “I met Tyler about six months ago. He works at the paper mill, and he brings home about forty thousand a year. It’s not as good as when you were a trucker, but it’s enough to keep us in the house.”
She handed him an envelope, “I had the papers drawn up. I want a divorce. I know that you’re never going to be able to support me, and our daughter, not like you did, and I want out.”
He looked at her, shook his head, and then he looked at Tyler, “I see,” he said, “The house…”
She shook her head, “I ummm.. I put it into my name, I know you paid for it, but when we were getting it legal I put it into my name. The truck is in yours, I tried, but they wouldn’t let me,” she said as she opened the screen and threw out his key, “We haven’t touched it.”
He grabbed his key, “Where’s my stuff?”
She looked at the floor, “I sold most of it. I was trying to support us, and most of it went for really high. I mean those collectables you had went for around twenty grand,” she said, “I talked to my lawyer about it, and she said that since we were still married, and since I was used to a certain level of income, that it would be considered legal. Not ethical, but legal, and the law has my back on it. I know that it was wrong, and everything, but I was trying to support us. You were inside, and well, it’s your fault.”
He breathed out, opened the envelope, and looked at the papers. He then looked back up at her.
“I’ll have a lawyer look at these,” he said, gritting his teeth, “I want to make sure that you’re being honest, and then I’ll sign the fucking things afterward.”
From there things went downhill even faster. His mom had passed while he was inside, and his dad wasn’t in much better shape. But regardless he let him move back in with him. From there he got a job at a local chicken plant. The money he made was good enough, about the same as Tyler the adulter, but the job sucked. Still, he stuck with it, getting from floor man to floor supervisor. And that was where he stayed. A year later his dad passed in the middle of the night, and he found that the house was simply left to him.
The internet that he could get at the old house sucked. It was DSL, but the speeds and spotty service was closer to old dial-up than it was actually blazing high speed web surfing. It meant that his entertainment came from his dad’s, and his own collection, of movies that was left in the house. His parents had never upgraded to BluRay, and he could just forget about them ever having a DVD player. Instead there were about sixteen VHS players, two Beta Players, and an old Video Disk player. The Video Disk player was what kept his parents from investing in anything more current. Since the Video Disk player didn’t do very well, at least as far as his parents were concerned, then there wasn’t a reason to get a smaller version. So, instead he was stuck watching classics up to the early 2000’s when they finally stopped making VHS tapes.
He looked at the collection, dug through the selections, and finally found Rescue at Midnight Castle. His older brother, who had passed away years ago, had loved anything and everything bright and colorful. My Little Pony had fit the bill perfectly. He put in the VHS, rewound it, and then began to watch it. Memories of watching it with his brother came to his mind, and he settled down, ready to just veg out and watch the evil centaur transform the ponies into dragons and force them to pull his chariot.
He got up, fixed a bag of popcorn, took a seat in his dad’s old recliner, and began watching the intro when someone knocked at the door. He groaned, got up, still dressed in his work clothes that smelled of the killing floor, and walked to the front door. He opened the heavy wooden door to see a man standing outside. Something struck him as this man being a little odd. He was dressed in a brown and yellow plaid suit jacket, a pair of red and brown striped pants, and he was wearing sunglasses when it was starting to get dark.
“Mr. Andrew Norton?” he asked.
Andrew nodded, “Yeah?”
The man shook his hand, “Mr. Norton!” he said as he walked into the room, “How are you doing this evening,” he asked before he smiled, “No need to answer that I already know.”
He walked into the living room, and looked at the small old Cathode-ray tube television. A simple thing, about twenty five inches big, “Ah, a fan of the franchise?” he asked.
Andrew shrugged, “My brother was.”
He nodded, and looked around spotting various pictures, and an M1 Garand hanging on the wall.
“Do you hunt?”
Andrew shook his head, “Naw, that was my Dad’s. He served in Vietnam, and he found a rifle like his when he was at an Army surplus,” he said, “He used to get that thing down and clean it every month.”
The man nodded, “Mr. Norton, We know you. We know what it’s like to have everything snatched out from under you. Why, you were a successful truck driver, but a single bad decision ended that. You married the love of your life, only to find out that she wanted to be taken care of, and was willing to sleep with another man in order to get that. You moved in with your father and he passed away leaving you this old, aging, yet charming little house,” he said, “All around you newer homes are popping up, making your home the eye sore, and while you aren’t part of the homeowners association you know that you’re not welcome here, in the slightest. Instead you work your terrible job, come home, and escape your life here.”
He patted the TV, “And that’s where I come in,” he said, “I have here,” he opened a box showing the most advanced looking remote that Andrew had ever seen, “the latest in Satellite technology. Over six hundred and sixty-six channels of heart pounding, skull crushing, dream weaving entertainment!”
He laughed, “There’s drama, comedy, crime, news, hot oiled aerobics like you’ve never seen brother, and it’s all for you. And of course you’ll get to watch it on your brand new sixty five inch LCD TV, complete with entertainment center. Why, some people would give their very souls for something like this.”
Andrew looked at him, and then at the remote, “Sorry,” he said, “As much as I want to, I don’t know.”
The man nodded, “I understand Mr. Norton,” he said as he started to leave, “Although, did I mention the free trial?”
Andrew looked at him, “No, did you say, free trial?”
The man smiled at him, “That I did!” he said as he smiled brightly, “Absolutely free trial. Nothing down, yours free to try for seven days. If you don’t love it then we come and take it back, and let you go back to watching your VHS collection,” he said, “How does that sound?”
Andrew nodded, “Okay, I’m fine with that.”
He smiled, and the two of them walked outside to a large delivery truck. Andrew noticed a blond woman, wearing what almost looked like a mail carrier’s uniform, strapping on a back brace and opening the back of the panel truck. He walked back to see a large cube with what looked like various lights on the side of it. A pole stuck out of the center, and she seemed to struggle. He crawled up into the truck with her, helping her get it lifted and she gave him a smile.
“Thanks mister,” she said with a happy innocent smile, “I didn’t expect the help but it’s nice to get it.”
He noticed that her eyes were a little wall eyed, but he didn’t say a word. After all, it would be rude to point something like that out. They moved the cube down the ramp, over toward the area of the back yard that he pointed to, and then she stretched what looked like a heavy duty power cord toward an outlet that his father had put outside. He watched as she plugged it in, and then the pole itself began to move.
It stretched taller, the ball in the center of it moved upward, and as it did ten curved metal leafs, which was the best way of explaining them, began to come out. They joined together creating a rather large disk, certainly bigger than the ones he’d seen for Dish Network or Directv. The Dish finished forming, and the girl worked a few moments, pushing a few buttons, and the dish moved into an alignment.
“There we go, now Mr. Norton, it is important to know that if you start to have trouble with your dish you just have to come out here, walk up to the cube, and press the green button. Doing so will cause it to self align.”
He nodded, “Okay, Ummm, thanks Mr…” he said before the man smiled, “Khaos, Khaos Atman,” he said, “and it has been a pleasure. Enjoy your own person tv adventure Andrew.”
With that Andrew waved, watched as they drove down the street, which was a dead end in about half a mile, shrugged, and walked back inside. If he would have stayed outside he would have seen a taloned hand reach out from the truck, scratched the air in front of it, and the truck drove through a portal, but he didn’t stay out. The man that did see it looked at the baggie of medical marijuana, decided that it was some really good shit, and planned on getting the same kind again.
Andrew walked inside, turned on his new TV, sat down in the recliner, and listened as a stirring sounding musical score began playing. As it played he noticed what looked like a radio tube beginning to light up. The scene panned back until he was looking at the interior of a bus that looked as if it had been in the middle of a war. On some of the seats skeletons, oddly shaped equine skeletons, sat. The scene continued to pan back until he could see that the bus had been ripped open. The scene panned around toward the front and he could see that the entire thing had no wheels, and instead it had been hooked to what looked like the skeleton of a pegasus.
He watched with interest as an armored looking head moved into frame. The scene panned showing the armored equine looking at a small collection of other armored equine.
“War, war never changes,” the armored equine said.
“Elder Steelhooves,” one of the others said, “Sir, we’ve got an issue.”
The other one sounded feminine, and although the entire thing seemed insane, and odd, he found himself captivated by it. The feminine one removed her helmet to reveal cyan colored muzzle, pink hair, and hardened pair of green eyes.
“Sir, we’ve got an encampment of slavers just to the right of us. They’ve taken the entire settlement that we helped out a month ago, and it looks like they’ve been killing the elderly.”
It was a show he’d never seen, and obviously there was stuff going on that he’d missed, but so far the story was gripping. He watched with interest until the picture got fuzzy. Then it blinked out. He got up, looked outside, and saw a neighbor’s dog. The dog itself, a large gray pitbull, was territorial as hell. He’d said something about half a dozen times, and now it was messing around near the satellite. He looked at his dad’s M1 Garand, grabbed it, loaded it, and stuck a hand full of shells in his pocket. Being an Excon he wasn’t supposed to have weapons, but before his dad died he could get away with the fact that it was his dad’s rifle.
He walked outside, with the rifle, “Hey get out of here!” he shouted.
The Dog growled, lowered its head, and rushed toward him. He pulled the trigger, aiming just ahead of it, and the sound of the rifle, along with the dirt beside the dog kicking up caused it to yipe and run out of his yard back toward the woman that owned it. He looked at the Dish, walked toward it, and pressed the green button on the side. For a moment it did nothing, and then it started to move down, toward him, and he saw the metal ball open on the front. He felt something pulling him, and he turned to run. Instead whatever was pulling him fought hard, and pulled him backwards.
He closed his eyes as he fell forward into darkness, and then he saw hundreds of screens around him. Suddenly this weird things head appeared opening a mouth with a single fang on its right side.
“Hold on, it’s about to be a bumpy ride!” it said as he passed through it.
He tumbled and landed on the ground. Standing he felt odd, off, somehow. He looked at his arm and didn’t see an arm. It was a foreleg. He looked at the other arm and saw the same. Both were stripped, and he looked around at the world around him. It was the burned out world that he’d seen on the screen before, and he felt something, a set of saddlebags, on his haunches. He looked at his father’s rifle and noticed that it had changed as well. Now it looked as if it could be laid across his forelegs and fired with his mouth.
“What in the hell?” he asked.
Chapter 2: War, War never Changes
Channel Surfing
Chapter 2: War, War never Changes
Andrew felt himself beginning to freak smooth the fuck out. He didn’t have hands, he had hooves, he was a zebra, and his Dad’s old M1 Garand had changed so that it could be fired by an Equine. He heard the sound of armored hoofsteps, and looked around desperately. Could he run to them for help? It was certainly a thought. Some part of him thought of the colorful ponies from Rescue at Midnight Castle. Sure, these things looked different, but those ponies were friendly toward the humans. Maybe they would be friendly toward him. He could explain that he was sucked into a satellite dish, sent into a strange world, and turned into a zebra.
The moment the entire thing ran through his head he was certain that he’d be considered crazy. From the look of this place there wasn’t a mental health hospital that really would work here. The armored steps stopped, and he saw one of those ponies, covered in that strange powered armor, standing on the top of some ruble.
“Zebra, halt!” he shouted, “Do not run, do not attempt to leave, you are ordered to remain where you are!”
The way he was talking made Andrew feel nervous. Damn it, he didn’t like this. He didn’t like the way that guy was talking to him. It reminded him way too much of a small town sheriff with far too much time on his hands, and looking for a way to vent his prejudices.
“Look man,” Andrew said, “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I honestly don’t mean you any harm.”
The equine neared him, “Sure you don’t,” he said, “Just like your kind didn’t mean to bomb us two hundred years ago.”
He closed his eyes. Zebras bombed them? And of course he was a fucking zebra. That made so much sense. He was a zebra, that hadn’t done anything, but was in deep shit because he was a zebra. He didn’t want to test the pony wearing the armor. And he really didn’t want to end up on the wrong side of a beatdown either.
“I’m serious, I just appeared here. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what’s going on, and all I really know is that I’m lost.”
The pony looked at him, “Well, you don’t sound like what Elder Steelhooves said Zebras sound like.”
A throat being cleared caused Andrew to look up and see another fully armored pony. His raspy and deep voice seemed full of power and authority.
“That’s because he’s not a Zebra,” he said, “He’s a mixed breed. Some buck had a fun time with a zebra mare.”
Andrew looked at him. Sure, he wasn’t wrong, well not exactly. He wasn’t a fucking zebra, but his mom had been African American. He was part of two different ethnic backgrounds, but he was too light skinned to be considered black and too dark to be considered white. The armored pony neared him, “So, tell me, Zony,” he said, “what are you doing in the ruins of Manehattan?”
He swallowed and looked at him, “I really have no idea where I am, and did you say Manehattan?” he asked, “Like Manhattan?”
The armored pony studied him, “Hmmm, you sound like a Stable Dweller. But Stable 3, the Let’s all get along stable, fell victim to the pink cloud over a hundred years ago, so, where are you from?”
He swallowed, “I… I’m not from here, or usually look like this,” he said, “I signed up for something, and then some kind of energy hit me and brought me here.”
The armored pony studied him, “You will consent to traveling with us. You will consent to your weapon, and ammunition being removed for the time being, and you will consent to our authority. If you choose not to do so then you are welcome to attempt to leave. But understand that refusing to do so will be considered an act of aggression, and you will be dealt with accordingly.”
He understood all too well. Even though the armored pony hadn’t said it directly, he was fairly certain that if it was to be summed up what he meant was that if he stepped a toe, or hoof rather, out of line he would be dealt with in the harshest of ways. He nodded, watched as his father’s rifle was collected, the saddle bags he was wearing were gone through, and the small collection of shells he had for the rifle were taken.
They moved back toward where the armored ponies had been standing, and he heard them talking. He looked at the more feminine one, “Ummm, what’s going on?”
She studied him, “It’s classified,” she said, “Applejack Ranger’s mission details, and not for civilians.”
He sighed, it was times like these that he wished his dad would have told him more about the military. Sure, he understood some of it, but from what he could see these ponies were living the military life. They acted like a well maintained unit, and from what he could see they were following the one they called Elder Steelhooves. Which he noticed that Elder Steelhooves was looking at him.
“We’re moving toward a slaver encampment,” he said, “And we are going to free several ponies from their captives. If you want to prove yourself, and perhaps gain some leeway with us, I suggest that you follow directions.”
He nodded. It was fairly evident that he wasn’t holding any cards at this point. He didn’t even have a pair of aces. All he had was a shit hand, and the three ponies he was with seemed to have everything from royal flush to the damned deadman’s hand. They moved toward a ramp, made from an old billboard and what looked like telephone poles, when there was a sound almost like a rocket propelled firecracker.
He didn’t even have time to look before the female pony pushed him to the ground and covered him. The explosion that happened above them was loud, no loud wasn’t the right word. Sure, it conveyed the right feeling, but it was not the right word. The explosion was deafening would fit the situation better, and it certainly did. He looked out from under his protector to see a pony holding what looked like a four barreled RPG launcher, which he thanked playing video games before his ex sold all of his systems and games for knowing what it was, and it was fairly evident that the launcher wasn’t done yet.
None of the other armored ponies, or Applejack Rangers rather, said a word. Instead he watched as something opened on one of their armor and a missile shot out. It struck near the pony that had fired, but since a missile was similar to a grenade then the old adage was right. Close counted in horseshoes and hand grenades. The pony it hit had been a unicorn, and it had been wearing what looked like a coat, some weird looking rubber boots that covered its hooves, and it had been standing very much in one piece. That ended. That pony was missing its back legs, it was screaming in agony, and its launcher was lying away from it, now in a few pieces.
They began moving, and his would be protector stood. She looked at him, nodded, and trotted off behind the other two. He followed them down, and looked at the cages. They were made from shipping containers, he knew that much, and he could tell that someone, or somepony he supposed, had wired what looked like a very simple alarm system into handles. He followed the wire for the alarm system to a single large battery. He studied it, proceeded to unhook it, and when he did he could hear the doors open.
He looked to see several ponies stepping out, all of them were wearing strange collars, actually, they reminded him of the collars that he’d seen in The Running Man with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Looking at them he realized they were almost the same. They were explosive collars. His eyes widened as he looked at them. Who would put explosive collars around someone’s neck? That was insane! He looked around, and saw the slaver that was screaming, bleeding out, and he walked over to him.
“Oh sweet Luna help me!” he screamed.
“How do I get the collars off of them?” he asked.
“Please help me! I don’t want to die!”
He looked at the slaver, swallowed down everything he wanted to say, and remained calm, “How do I get the collars off of them?”
There was a faint light and a control came out of the pony’s trench coat pocket.
“The..The green button releases, the red one dedinates, please, please I don’t want to die!”
The feminine one walked closer to him, and he hit the green button. At that moment nearly twenty collars fell off of the slaves. They stood there, surprised, and then they began cheering. She looked at him, and then at the slaver.
“Please, please don’t let me…” the slaver said. His voice had began to sound quiet, his movements became less frantic, and finally he went still.
“Well, you managed to free them,” she said, “And you didn’t ask for anything.”
He looked at her, “Umm, it would only be right to free them,” he replied, “I’m Andrew.”
She looked at him and shook her head, “That’s a weird name,” she said, “I’m Knight Sweetie Pie.”
He raised an eyebrow at her, “Okay, Well, it’s a pleasure to actually meet you. So, what happens now?”
She looked toward Elder Steelhoove who nodded, and then she handed him back his dad’s M1 Garand, the ammunition for it, and gave him a nod.
“Now, we escort these slaves back to their home, you’re welcome to join us, or you can go on your way.”
He looked at her, “I honestly have no where else to go.”
She gave him a slight nod, and the tiniest smile, “Well then, I suppose that it’s a good thing we’ve always wanted to visit Nowhere else.”
He laughed. The joke was one that he’d loved from Blazing Saddles, and he wondered if they had a version of that film here. Part of him doubted it, but regardless, he followed her, and together they began making their way with the slaves toward whatever village they had come from. He did notice a recurring theme among the ponies, at least the former slaves, and the few other slavers that Steelhooves, Knight Sweetie Pie, and the other Applejack Ranger that hadn’t told him his name yet, had found and offered the wonderful terms of dying by overwhelming firepower, or throwing down their weapons and being escorted to the Applejack Ranger’s headquarters where they would be tried for their criminal offences.
Most chose death by overwhelming firepower. There was a single slaver, a mare, and he noticed that she was missing an eye, he would assume, had a cracked horn, and instead of fighting she threw down her weapons. He watched as she tried to fall behind, and after three times she was moved to the front. The occasional sound of Steelhooves missile launcher opening from the side of his armor seemed to be enough to keep her moving. Yet, even she shared the common theme he noticed.
Every single one of them was a brightly colored, almost adorably cute equine. Well, they would be more adorably cute if they weren’t filthy and didn’t smell like they had been wallowing in their own filth for about a month. Still, they looked incredibly like the ponies from the old My Little Ponies cartoon that his brother loved. Granted, they didn’t look the same. Their eyes were bigger, and far more expressive, but they were more or less just like the cartoon characters from the My Little Pony cartoon.
It made him wonder if there had been more than just the Movie, tv specials, and old 1980’s series that ran. He remembered watching all of it, with his brother, arguing about wanting to watch He-Man, She-Ra, Thundercats, G.I. Joe, or even Care Bears and the Smurfs, but his brother wanted to watch the ponies. He loved those cartoons, and Rescue from Midnight Castle had been his favorite. They finally made it to what looked like a small hamlet of nearly collapsed apartment buildings. The slaves all thanked them, and headed toward the buildings. He looked as they moved off, and studied the old buildings. They were falling in on themselves. Some barely had four walls and not really a roof, but rather the floor from the blasted off floor that was above where they were most likely living.
It looked like something he’d seen from old documentaries of World War II. He shook his head and followed the Applejack Rangers back toward their headquarters, and he saw something glowing. Moving toward it he saw what looked like television static. Behind him he heard Sweetie Pie.
“What in Luna’s tight snatch is this?” she asked.
He looked at it, touched it, and suddenly the same feeling from the satellite dish covered him. He felt Sweetie Pie wrap her forelegs around him, and instead of stopping it pulled the both of them through.
Author's Note
(AN: Alright, I'm having a vote on the next chapter of Channel Surfing. I've listed the options on my Blog, but I figure that I can list them here as well.
1: Old School Rescuce at Midnight Castle. Sure, he was watching the movie, but then what's to stop him from actually visiting Gen 1 Tirek and dealing with the dark magic that transforms ponies into dragons? Most likely in this world he would get to keep his human form.
2: Xenophiliaverse... Not much else to be said about this one.
3: Friendship is Witchcraft: An awesome series in its own right, and would certainly be great fodder for a chapter.
4: .mov series: Because who wouldn't want to see an over the top parody become part of a story about hoping from channel to channel?
5: Other: This is your spot to basically write in your own choice, and believe me, there's more than enough to choose from. So, go, go my friends, and choose our protagonist's fate.
So let me know which sounds amazing to you, and I'll go with that decision)
Sweetie Bot's Big Adventure
Channel Surfing
Chapter 3: Sweetie Bot’s Big Adventure
Tumbling out Andrew found himself still a Zebra, still having the M1 Garand designed to be fired by equine, but he wasn’t alone. Knight Sweetie Pie stood and looked around her in wonder. This was Equestria before the megaspells. This was what it was like green and alive. She’d heard stories about it, and she’d wondered what it truly looked like. Here she could see it. She heard voices, and she looked in the direction of them. In the distance she saw the Ministry Mare for the Ministry of Peace.
She didn’t look the same as she had in the posters for the Ministry of Peace. Her mane didn’t have light gray in it, and she didn’t look so worn down.
“It was a time portal,” she whispered, “I can stop the war from happening!”
She began to run in her armor, which surprisingly hadn’t really changed, “I can keep the war from ever starting!”
She ran toward the timid looking Fluttershy who studied her for a moment before stepping back.
“Ministry Mare Fluttershy!” she shouted, “There’s gonna be a war, a terrible war, I think that I can help stop it!”
Fluttershy looked at her, “Goodness, why would we want to?” she asked, “After all, I am a humble servant of Lord Smooze, and I know that it is his full desire to destroy all life.”
Knight Sweetie Pie blinked as she looked at Fluttershy. It was almost as if her mind came to a grinding halt. Andrew walked up close and watched as Knight Sweetie Pie tried to make sense of what she had just heard. He looked at Fluttershy who looked from behind her mane at him.
“Uh, hi,” he said, “We’re not from around here.”
She didn’t say much but then there was a shout as someone came toward them.
“Fluttershy, ya got ta quick tryin’ ta talk Applebloom inta joining yer cult!” the stetson wearing pony said, “She ain’t gonna worship a pile of goo that wants to destroy anythin’”
She looked at the two of them, “Well howdy,” she said, “And that there is some pretty fancy duds. Kinda wish that we had somethin’ like that when we had that fight with the Shetland ponies. Might woulda ended that whole thing earlier.”
She looked at the rifle Andrew had managed to strap across his neck, “Huh, Equestria Standard Issue, .308 Celestia standard shells, Ah’d figure, ain’t seen a Zebra carry one ‘fore.”
Andrew looked at her, “You don’t hate Zebras, right?” he asked, “Because if that’s the case I can just clear out.”
She laughed, “Naw, never had a spot of trouble with Zecora, other than the fact that she tried to talk Big Macintosh inta riding her round the barn a time or two.”
He let out a sigh of relief, but apparently it was all Knight Sweetie Pie could stand.
“War with the Shetlands?! What about the Zebra nations?! They’re gonna bomb all of you with Megaspells!”
Applejack looked at her, “Oh, when is that supposed ta happen?”
Knight Sweetie Pie blinked, “After the little horn massacre? Little Horn, Luna’s school for gifted unicorns?”
Applejack shook her head, “Luna’s school? Ain’t no school that moon brained princess is over. Fact, Twilight Sparkle dun tried ta talk her out of her Princesshood. Ah figured that was just a fancy way of sayin’ she was a tryin’ ta get that tall drink of water ta do some mighty pleasant things ta her,” she said with a laugh, “Kinda fit. Sure, Ah’d seen her makin’ some googly eyes at Big Mac, but then half the mares in Ponyville all seem ta want time with mah brother.”
“He’d make wonderful breeding stock for the army of Lord Smooze,” Fluttershy whispered, “Such big strong ponies that would carry out Lord Smooze’s every command.”
“Nope, ya ain’t gonna flip yer tail and get mah brother ta follow ya off ta become a breeding stallion either,” she said, “We dun got apples ta harvest.”
Knight Sweetie Pie studied her for a moment, “But… you’re the Ministry Mares. Ministry of Peace,” she said pointing at Fluttershy, “And Ministry of Technology.”
Applejack snorted, “Technology,” she laughed, “Missy, unless that technology is a gonna let me harvest apples faster, or put enemies in the ground better, then Ah ain’t got time fer it.”
She looked at them both, “But it ain’t right fer me ta not at least show ya inta town,” Applejack said, “Sides, Ah figure this way we can see how the cart is a doin’. Ah left big Mac and Applebloom in charge of it, and if’n I know Applebloom she’s dun went inta tryin’ to force everypony inta buyin’ apples. It ain’t a bad idea, but we cain’t have another lawsuit.”
Andrew followed in behind the two of them. As they walked there was the sound of someone singing in the distance.
“Ah whorseapples,” Applejack said, “Durn it, Pinkie Pie is on a singing tear again. Sorry, but Ah only got one pair of earplugs, ya’ll jest gonna have ta deal with it.”
𝅘𝅥”When you're rife with devastation, there’s a simple explanation. You’re a toymaker’s creation trapped inside a crystal ball.🎜
Andrew didn’t see any harm in the singing, and Knight Sweetie Pie looked relieved. She began to move toward the pink pony that was singing, “Ministry Mare Pinkie Pie?”
Pinkie stopped, looked at her, and then giggled, “No silly, here I’m just Pinkie Pie. I’m a gypsy that practices time distorting and universe hoping magic, there’s no ministries or war with Zebras here.”
She looked at her, “This… this isn’t Equestria?”
Pinkie Pie grinned, sat on her haunches, and pulled out a crystal ball from what seemed absolutely nowhere. She began to move her hooves over the crystal ball, giggling as she did so. She then looked at the knight before her.
“Wowie! So you’re related to me, like a bunch of times back, and you’re actually related to my sister Limestone, Huh, guess that other me had sisters, neat!” she exclaimed, “Well Knight Sweetie Pie, this isn’t your Equestria. This Equestria never had, nor ever will have, problems with Zebras. Now problems with Shetland Ponies who don’t accept Celestia’s divine right to rule, we have lots of problems with them, but after winning the war against them we only have a few demonstrations.”
Knight Sweetie Pie stood there looking concerned, “So… There’s no war, no mega spells, nothing?”
Pinkie Pie grinned at her, “Nopparooni!” she exclaimed, “Just a really short war where Applejack killed a whole bunch of Shetland Ponies, Rarity suffered some PTSD, and Ponyville gave Applejack amnesty for her various war crimes.”
Knight Sweetie Pie looked at Applejack as she walked, “Ministry Mare Applejack is a war criminal here?”
Pinkie looked at her crystal ball, “Well, she’s not a Ministry Mare, but yes,” she said, “But don’t feel bad! Your Applejack was too! She committed a hundred million crimes through her ministry, most of which she didn’t even know about because those ponies that were supposed to be working with her just went behind her back anyway. Personally, she was really only guilty about not telling all of us that she was gonna have a foal.”
With that Pinkie Pie slipped the crystal ball back into her mane, smiled, and began to bounce away singing. Knight Sweetie Pie shook her head, and followed Applejack and Andrew into Ponyville itself. She remembered tells that Ponyville was dangerous, that it had been a massive raider den, but it was different now. She saw ponies going around and talking to one another, and she could see several of them happily buying items from various stalls.
It was so odd to see such a peaceful place. It was even more so to see it in such a idyllic setting. She noticed a cart with a large red stallion, and she knew who it was. He had been in history books, and she’d seen pictures of the memorial once. It was Big Macintosh and beside him was a little filly that was trying to shove apples in everypony’s satchels.
“Buy an apple!” the filly cried, “Comeon! Ya gotta buy more apples!”
Most ponies were giving her a fairly wide birth, and Applejack was shaking her head as she got close.
“Bloom, yer gonna get us in trouble again,” she said, “Here Ah’ll take over, go and find yer friends and play with ‘em.”
“Okay Applejack!”
She ran past Andrew and Sweetie Pie, and they turned to see her run toward a small little off white unicorn filly. The filly looked different, off, and her glowing green eyes only seemed to stand out. She neared Knight Sweetie Pie.
“Quiry, Are you a machine or pony?”
Knight Sweetie Pie looked at her, “I’m a pony, this is power armor,” she said, “That’s a very advanced question for a filly.”
The filly smiled, “I am designated Sweetie Belle, Sister of Rarity Belle, My friends and I are normally operating the CuTiE MaRk AcQuIsItAtIoN PrOgRaM.”
Knight Sweetie Pie looked at her, “Uh huh, so you’re trying to get your cutie marks, what have you tried?”
The little unicorn filly sat down, which sounded oddly mechanical, and held up a hoof, “Operation save foals from burning building. Unfortunately, error, no cutie marks for setting the building on fire, or saving foals from a building that was set on fire,” she said, “Then Operation Sassy Singing. Success in singing, error in obtaining Cutie Marks.”
“Come on, Ah think we got a chance at gettin’ our Cutie Marks at potion makin’! Ah dun talked to Zecora and she said that she knew a potion that make our flanks glow in the color of what our Cutie marks will be! Plus, it’d be fun jest ta go out inta the Everfree Forest and see if’n we couldn’t get Scootaloo scared again.”
“Yes, Operation: Scare Scootaloo, would be fun. Maybe we could make her scared enough that she would turn that funny color again.”
They began to run off when Knight Sweetie Pie stopped them, “Ummm, you fillies don’t need to go into the Everfree, it’s dangerous, and what about Killing Joke?”
Applebloom stopped, “Killing whatnow?”
She looked at them, “Killing Joke, a plant that plays vicious pranks on people?”
Applebloom looked at her for a moment, “Ya mean poison joke?” she asked, “Cause it really ain’t that dangerous, jest plays harmless little jokes on ya, that’s all.”
Sweetie Belle nodded, “Yes, Identified Plant Life: Poison Joke, made me feel funny. I chased a colt and told him that I wanted his offspring.”
Applebloom nodded, “Yeah, it was a big ordeal. Sweetie had weird laser things coming… Say Sweetie, how did you have those lasers?”
“Error: Memory of lasers removed. We will never speak of this again.”
Knight Sweetie Pie looked at her for a moment, “Lasers?”
“Error: Identify Sweetie Belle does not have lasers!” she shouted, “Identify Sweetie Belle is just a little filly, no lasers!”
“Okay, wow, look it’s Button Mash.”
“Quiry: Where?!” Sweetie Belle asked as she looked around, “Where is self designated life mate?!”
Knight Sweetie Pie watched as the filly’s eyes turned red, and she could hear what sounded like her suit’s weapon compartments opening up. She whistled, getting Sweetie Belle’s attention.
“I think your friend was just messing with you,” she said, “Actually, my friend and I could use a couple of guides. We’re new around here, and would you like to show us the sights?”
Applebloom looked at them, “Actually, being that he’s a Zebra it might be best that ya’ll go with us to Zecora’s anyway. Ah gotta figure that she might want to know that she’s not the only one here,” she said, “Plus, figure that most folks feel better ‘bout three fillies going out inta the Everfree with a couple of adults.”
Knight Sweetie Pie had run missions in Manehattan. She’d been into sections that were massive raider dens, faced down the manticores when they were a massive problem in Manehattan, dealt with Red Eye’s forces, and she would never, ever be considered a coward, at least not until a filly asked her to go into the most dangerous place in all of Equestria.
“I would rather have six ferals run a train on me, out of my power armor, for hours, than step hoof inside of the Everfree Forest.”
Applebloom looked at her, “What’s a Feral, and why would they have a train?”
Andrew looked at them. While they had been talking he’d been going through his saddle bags, and besides the shells he had there had been some other things that he’d collected. Well, collected wasn’t exactly the right word. Some of the former slaves had slipped a few things into his saddle bags. One of which was a package of Sugar Apple Bombs. He’d traded the box of cereal to a pony that called herself Golden Harvest for a wedge of carrot cake. He’d then traded that carrot cake to a pony at a stall with fresh vegetables for three radishes, a turnup, and two heads of cabbage.
He took those vegetables and found a pony that was trading what looked like books, and traded for a complete collection of something called Daring Doo, and currently he was looking at one of the books. He watched as the two little girls, or fillies rather, were arguing with Sweetie Pie. He really didn’t see what the big deal was. If the fillies didn’t think that the forest was dangerous, then why not go with them?
“You’ve both been in there?” he asked.
The little unicorn nodded, “Answer: yes! It was a lot of fun!”
He looked at Sweetie Pie, “Well I’ll walk with them. Maybe this Zecora might have some kind of mystical voodoo that can help us out.”
She sighed, “We’re not going to have fun in there.”
The walk to the forest had been fairly straight forward, especially after collecting the hyper little pegasus. They each took turns explaining the forest, and the creatures, right up until they neared the hut in the distance. To see it from here Andrew was reminded of African Huts he’d seen in old issues of National Geographic. Those huts had been home to some kind of tribe that had been separated from outside influences for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. They made their way and he heard what sounded like beatboxing coming from inside.
“I say, I say, those to choose to roam, know this is my home, let it all be known, this hut is to my friends only shown. But if you start trouble, be wary on the double, as tender as the fresh collected grass is exactly what it’ll feel like when I beat yo ass.”
He stopped for a moment, “Seriously, you rap?”
She stepped out wearing a cape, her mohawk looked well cared for, and she studied him. “Damn son, how about you come over here and help bake a bun?”
He shook his head, “No, thanks.”
She studied him, “Not a pure blood I see, Still, doesn’t matter to me. For I would delight, in having you for a night. Take me for a ride, let your inhibitions slide. For when a zebra you try, nothing else will you buy.”
He looked at her, “Woah, wait, what? Are you seriously trying to sell your ass?!”
She looked at him, “No, it is not my intention to work, but instead you sound like a jerk!” she shouted, “I only offered a good time, but instead you rut-up my rhyme!”
Applebloom stepped forward, “Sorry Zecora, Ah jest figured that you’d want to meet another Zebra. Course, he don’t talk like ya do.”
She smiled at the little earth pony, “Truly you are right Applebloom, seeing another Zebra is a boon, but this Zony isn’t fun, he’s just dumb.”
He cleared his throat, “Not called for,” he said, “I just wanted to know if you knew any mystical stuff that might help us, I didn’t mean to insult you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Is that the little homie Sweetie Belle, I just got to yell, been up all night and day, slaving on this potion all the way. Low and behold, I made it, a cure from a Robot’s hold!”
“Statement: I am not a Robot!”
The five of them entered and Zecora held out a yellow potion, “Here you go little homie, one drink and you’ll be a pony!”
Sweetie Belle took the potion, sipped it, and a moment later she let out a mechanical scream before a bright light covered her. She fell down and groaned.
“Ugh… Where is my display?”
She looked around, “Everything looks funny, there’s no identification display, no targets, it’s just… the same.”
Zecora smiled at her. Applebloom touched her and grinned, “It worked!”
Andrew watched, unsure of what was going on, but backed into a large mask. It fell over and he saw the same static looking portal that had appeared near them before. Knight Sweetie Pie saw it and moved toward him. Before he could say a word she jumped into it, and he groaned as he followed her.
Author's Note
(AN: Been a hot minute, but in truth I've been busy. I figured that after doing a chapter for Sunset Shimmer is a Sex Doll that I would update Channel Surfing Next. Hope that everyone enjoys this update!}
Tomb Raiding with the Rune Soldier Part 1
Channel Surfing
Chapter 4: Tomb Raiding with the Rune Soldier Part 1
Slowly the world stopped spinning, and Andrew stood. He stretched what he assumed was his foreleg out and looked. It wasn’t a foreleg. It was his own arm. He smiled as he looked at his own wonderful arm. He stood and looked around at the area. It wasn’t home, and it looked similar to the world that they just left. They weren’t in the forest anymore, which was most likely a good thing since Sweetie Pie had basically said that the forest was full of dangerous critters.
He doubted that it was a lie. He glanced over to Sweetie Pie, expecting to see the pony, and instead he was looking at what had to be a Furry’s wet dream. She was dressed in her power armor, the helmet was still off, and her face looked a little less ponish. Instead it was a little more human. She was about six feet tall, but if he remembered fallout correctly that power armor added about half a foot to a person’s height. That meant she was closer to five and a half feet tall. The armor didn’t do what he figured most Furry fandom artists would have done and molded to her curves.
Silently he was thankful for that. If she was stacked, and he got a massive boner from seeing a stacked Sweetie Pie, then well he likely wouldn’t forgive himself. Instead she slowly stood and looked around. They were in some place he hadn’t really seen before. The grass was green, the sky blue, and there was a large rough cut stone castle in the distance. He looked at it, and then at the village that surrounded it. It was better than just waiting, so he began walking with Sweetie Pie toward the village itself. There was something off, something wrong about the place. The air here felt like it was full of danger and violence. It was like something was screaming for him to get out and disappear.
They neared the village and he could see dozens of ponies, and again he was thankful that her power armor didn’t change like how he believed most furry artists would have drawn it. He could see several of the ponies, which all seemed to earth ponies like her, that were well endowed with large mammaries. They were busy getting their little ones behind them, but they weren’t running.
Instead they stood in front of their foals, holding what simple weapons they had, almost daring the two of them to try something. They didn’t act scared, or cute, but instead they seemed to be made of stronger stuff. In several ways they acted like the ponies of the wasteland. He looked at Sweetie Pie who seemed to appraise the lot of them with a nod. It was as if she was more used to this, and it seemed more natural for ponies to act this way. After a few minutes several ponies dressed in what looked like old armor came out to meet them. Most of them were pegasi, and all of them were carrying far better weapons than what the others around them had.
That wasn’t to say that their weapons would do much against Sweetie Pie’s power armor or his M1 Garand. What they seemed to have was long swords, crossbows, maces, shields, and pretty much every weapon that had ever been shown on Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. Push came to shove he knew that he could end the lot of them. Hell, considering the weapons that Sweetie Pie was carrying. He took another look at that. The weapons she was carrying. Before they were more or less mounted inside of what looked like metal box versions of saddlebags. They popped open and there was a grenade launcher, and what looked like a plasma rifle.
Looking at both he noticed that the Grenade Launcher was unlike any that he’d ever seen before. That included from the various video games that he’d played. There was a belt that fed into it, and each section of the belt held what looked like a metal apple. The stem of each apple looked like a small button, and he realized that she had a belt fed grenade launcher. His Dad had actually talked about those things. When he was in Vietnam he said that they developed, and issued a few, belt fed grenade launchers.
He’d never expected to see one in his life, but there it was. Perhaps one of the most dangerous weapons he’d ever seen up close, and looking at the ponies in front of us he realized that just one or two shots from that would get rid of every single one of them. He wondered if she would shoot if she had to. he also noticed that she was looking at him differently. She’d come to respect him more, or at least he believed that she did. But then that had been in her batshit crazy world. The last world wasn’t much better, what with the rapping zebra that was trying to offer up her ass.
He shook his head. The fact remained that she looked differently at him. Maybe it was realizing that he wasn’t a zebra, or what did that one pony call him, a zony. Hell, that was still accurate. It was a dickish thing to say to someone, but it was accurate. From what little she’d said he knew that the Zebras had more or less destroyed their home. So he could understand there being some underlying resentment. Even if it had been generations ago, and even if she hadn’t been part of that war, he knew that it was likely that those in charge reminded them of what they once had, and who was to blame for it disappearing.
Conditioning like that didn’t just disappear. No amount of magic and pretty ponies took away the realization that a group of people had destroyed millions of lives, destroyed a nation, and that he had ended up there as one of them. Or worse, he ended there as the offspring between an enemy and a traitor. He studied the ponies in front of him, and actually for a moment he got a sort of Army of Darkness feel. He closed his eyes and hoped that this wasn’t some weird blend of My Little Pony and Army of Darkness. He didn’t want to deal with thousands of pony deadites, and he sure didn’t feel like Ash Williams.
“Who are ye?”
He looked at the one that had asked. He was fairly tall, as in over six foot tall. It was likely that he stood close to six and half feet tall, his armor looked well used, there were places where it looked like swords, and other things, had glanced off of the metal. Regardless it shined like the midday sun, and it was obvious that he took care of it. Looking at the pony himself he could see that he was missing an eye, his right hand, they had hands which was weird, was missing a pinky and the ring finger. Still he wore his helmet well, his armor bravely, and he was built like a fucking brick shithouse. There was no doubt that push came to shove he was sure this pony could wipe the floor with him.
“I’m Andrew,” he said, “This is Knight Sweetie Pie, and we’re actually not sure where we are.”
The large pony laughed, “A knight is she?” he asked before he stepped closer and looked at the power armor, “Look lads, what a piece of armor this is!”
She growled slightly, “This armor belongs to the Applejack Rangers,” she said, “And I am a knight with them. It is my sworn duty to protect those unable to protect themselves.”
The knight nodded, “Just as a knight should then,” he said, “Well, Ye got two choices Lad and Lass. Ye can follow us all nice like, or we can fock ya up and drag ya behind us. Bein’ that my crew jest had a long fockin’ shift, I’d be much obliged if ye jest followed us.”
She looked at him, and then at me. He could see that she was still trying to figure out what he had become, but after a moment she nodded, “Very well,” she said, “Lead on, and we will follow.”
They began to follow and she cleared her throat, “Also, if this is a trap, I want you to understand that I will personally take offense to it, and I will take action.”
The large pony laughed again, “Wouldn’t have any other way, Lady Knight,” he said, “Name’s Swift Wing, and these are the best of the best on the Isle of Goats.”
“Isle of Goats?” he asked, “Where’s that?”
He laughed, “The Shetland Isles,” he said, “Toughest place in the world to live, but ye’d be hard pressed to find a freer place.”
They were led toward the castle. One of the first things that Andrew noticed was the huge drawbridge that led into the castle itself. The giant drawbridge had carvings of what looked like a unicorn, buffed out to impossible levels, ripping wolves in half. The door opened and they followed them into the courtyard. Memories of old movies indicated that there would be soldiers, knights, lords and ladies inside of the castle.
What he saw was more ponies, similarly dressed to those outside, working together. Some were gathering wood together, others were lifting what looked like bundles of wheat into a wagon, and then he finally saw other soldiers that looked as though they were preparing for duty. One of the things he noticed was most of them were similar to the ponies leading them. They had been wounded. Some had half an ear missing, most were missing a finger or two, and there were a couple that looked as though they were missing an eye or two.
There was evidence that what Swift Wing had said was completely honest. From what he could see here life most likely was fairly hard for those that lived here. Even inside of the castle it looked as though life itself wasn’t an easy life. Instead it looked to be something that every single one of them worked together on. It was obviously a life of toil and tribulation, but one that they seemed happy to have.
They crossed the courtyard, entered into another set of large wooden doors, and then walked straight toward a large open room. Sitting on a throne was a winged unicorn. She was a purple, or perhaps a lavender, her hair and pink stripe down the middle. He noticed that Sweetie Pie seemed to freeze in place for a moment. Near that pony was one that looked similar to Applejack that they met in the last universe. There was a shorter blue pegasus, actually she looked closer to cyan, with a rainbow mane and tail, there was a human beside the winged unicorn, a very pink pony beside both of them, another pegasus that reminded him of Fluttershy, and finally a white unicorn with a styled purple mane.
“M…Ministry Mares,” she said, “Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie you’re all here.”
Her eyes were wide, but it was the pink one, Pinkie Pie, that smiled and looked at her.
“Ahh, you look like Limestone, well, if Limestone’s coat was pink like mine, and you’ve got her gray mane. Plus you’ve got her yellow eyes. Oh, you turned out reeeaaally pretty,” she said, “I bet that you’ve got my figure here though, huh? Yeah that’d make sense, although I know that this isn’t like your world, and don’t worry I’m not like that Pinkie Pie.”
Sweetie Pie stood there confused for a moment, “I..Ummm, what?”
The human that sat beside Twilight and Pinkie Pie studied them for a moment. Finally he gave a small smile, “I am certain that Sergeant Swift Wing has given you an amiable welcome, but allow me to do so as well. I am Prince Endymion Everfree, son of Luna, husband to Twilight Sparkle-Everfree, Pinkie Pie-Everfree, and Fluttershy.”
Endymion looked at her, and then at Andrew. He stood, and despite the fact that the winged unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, tried to steady him he stepped down.
“Another human,” he said, “Huh, and you’re not like the ones that we’ve met. Although you do seem a bit like Charlotte. I would dare say that you are not of this world, are you?”
Andrew shook his head, “I could try to explain, but I don’t think that you would understand,” he said, “I’m not saying that you’re unintelligent, but it, uh, oh what the hell.”
He looked at them, “I had someone show up and offer me a free trial at a killer satellite tv system, and it went on the fritz, so I went outside, tried to recalibrate it, and I ended up getting sucked into a world where I met Knight Sweetie Pie here.”
Endymion looked at him, “So, magic.”
He laughed, “Yeah, as best I can tell, it was magic.”
Endymion gave a small laugh, “Well, that is one thing that we have experience with here,” he said, “I am uncertain about the type of teleportation magic that you spoke of though. There are some advanced teleportation spells, and artifacts, that we have, but none of them are truly able to stretch out and connect to entirely different universes.”
Twilight studied him for a moment before she cleared her throat, “Endymion, that’s not entirely correct,” she said, “Since we’ve installed the Rune Portal I’ve spoken to Luna. Both she and Celestia have informed me of a special mirror that is housed at the Crystal Empire. Apparently Cadance and Shining Armor are the two protectors of it. Both of them have informed me that Star Swirl created the mirror as a portal to a realm where he could send dangerous enemies of Equestria.”
Endymion looked at her, “Okay, I get that mom would want me to not know about it but why didn’t you tell me?”
She grinned sheepishly, “Well to be honest between acting as one of the ruling ponies of the Isles, and you doing your best to pump a foal into me, I more or less forgot.”
Sweetie Pie stood there, seeing Twilight Sparkle as an Alicorn was enough to make her nervous. Although she could tell that Twilight wasn’t one of the goddess’ children. She wasn’t an extension of a central consciousness, but instead she was a real princess. A real princess that just admitted that she was a sexual creature. That was wrong. The Princesses didn’t have sex. Nope, they were virginal. Everypony knew that. They were above sneaking off with some colt.
“But you’re a princess,” she said, “Princesses don’t do that, right?”
Twilight studied her, and a look of knowing and compassion flitted across her face. She stood, stepped down and looked at the mare before her. She smiled softly and then shook her head.
“I had thought the same thing, once,” she said, “I believed that Luna, and Celestia, were both above taking consorts, and that they were both above finding release. But I’ve discovered something since I’ve ascended. I’ve discovered that like myself they’re ponies, and ponies are sexual creatures.”
She gently touched Sweetie Pie’s face, “The simple truth is that I would be far more worried if they didn’t do what they needed to in order to find release.”
Sweetie Pie shook her head, “That goes against everything I was taught,” she said, “It flies in the face of every lease we were ever taught about Celestia and Luna.”
Twilight grinned, “I know, but if Celestia’s time with Flintheart is anything to go by then I am confident that I am right.”
Sweetie Pie was a multitude of things. She was a proud member of the Applejack Rangers. She was also one of the youngest knights. She had proved herself in missions, rising up from a Squire, being promoted to Knight, and then being assigned to Elder Steelhooves as back up for the missions that the Elder often went on. She was justly proud of her accomplishments, and the fact that she was a very distant descendant of one of the Ministry Mares wasn’t something she liked to broadcast.
But one of the few things she wasn’t became incredibly clear. She wasn’t someone that could fully come to terms with the fact that the Princesses were ponies like her, had sexual urges like her, and a true example of them stood before her, and there was more evidence than not that pointed to it being true. And trying to accept it felt wrong.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t think that I can fully accept that.”
After a moment there was raspy laughter and she looked to see Rainbow Dash laughing her flank off.
“Oh, that’s a doozy you daft cunt gargler,” she said, “Look, it's a fact regardless if you can accept it or not. But regardless you’re gonna have to make peace with it eventually.”
She noticed that Twilight’s attention to her changed. She was examining her armor and seeming to look at it from various angles.
“Huh,” she said, “This is fundamentally different from the armor we saw some of those humans use, isn’t it Endymion?”
Endymion looked over at Sweetie Pie and nodded after a moment, “On, it certainly is,” he said, “In truth it looks like the mana batter was better installed. For one I don’t see a single place where it is exposed. Also, it looks like the armor was designed specifically to increase mobility, protect against projectile and blunt force, but it also seems to be designed to defend against most magic blasts as well.”
Knight Sweetie Pie grinned, “You’re not wrong,” she said, “This power armor was designed to withstand most attacks. In fact I’d dare say that it was one of the finest creations to come out of the Ministry of Technology.”
Twilight smiled, “If you don’t mind I’d love to take some notes.”
Knight Sweetie Pie looked at her for a second, “Ummm, well, the thing is that part of our creed is to protect ponies, but also help protect them from dangerous technology they might not understand,” she said, “As such, I don’t know about just letting you study it.”
Twilight smiled, “Well, the best way to protect someone from something they don’t understand is to help them understand it!” she said excitedly, “We can use Jolie Maison’s old lab to study it in!”
Endymion grinned, “Believe me when I say that she won’t do anything you are uncomfortable with, but in truth we have armor that is nearly as advanced, just different. It was captured, but if we can find a way to replicate the way yours is designed to more security hold the mana battery, then I believe that we could potentially make them safer,” he said, “Also, the two of you look tired. I will have a room prepared.”
Andrew began to say something, but then he heard a hiss, and watched as Sweetie Pie stepped out of the power armor. She was shorter, like he expected, but he was right about her being stacked. She was curvy, but that didn’t really convey what he saw. Her breasts were large, but not impossibly so. They were certainly larger than Tina’s though. Despite the fact that he had been married, and dated before that, he knew absolutely jack about cup sizes when it came to bras.
Oh, he knew how to get them off well enough, but actual cup sizes was something he had little to no experience in. They were large, looked soft, and from what he could see she was wearing no support. She was also nude in there. That had been something he wasn’t expecting. He’d assumed that there would be some kind of clothing, but instead she was as nude as he assumed the day she was born.
“Yepporini! I was right, you’ve got my build!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “That’s good because that means you can borrow some of my clothes. Cause your coltfriend there looks a little dazed by your goods.”
Sweetie Pie, for the first time really, felt the need to cover up. She often went nude in the power armor because honestly it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to wear much. She knew that some stallions and mares would wear robes and other things under the armor, but she preferred to not be too hot. A moment later she found a top being pulled over her, which she accepted and pulled down over her teats that decided to form on her chest, and then there was a skirt that she stepped into. Feeling a little more comfortable she looked at Andrew and noticed that he looked a little shocked, but if being around a lot of stallions was any indicator then she could see interest as well.
That made her feel better. She was beginning to like him, and one thing she’d learned in the wasteland was that you didn’t wait for things. If you wanted it then you had to just go for it.
Author's Note
(AN: and I couldn't help myself. I had to do a crossover with Rune Soldier. I was trying to decide between it and Bumbling through my Education, and finally I thought I'd go with Rune Soldier. That said, this arch is actually going to be a few chapters long, so get ready for that.)
Tomb Raiding with the Rune Soldier Part 2
Channel Surfing
Chapter 4: Tomb Raiding with the Rune Soldier Part 2
After a couple of days of studying Sweetie Pie had been given her armor back. She was certainly glad to have it, although she had enjoyed being able to walk around in civilian clothes. One of the things she learned about Andrew was that while he wasn’t a Zony, or any other equine like being, he wasn’t all that different from her. She also found out that he could play a violin. It had been something of an accident, but he came across someone playing. She thought of it, how he walked toward the older stallion that was playing for a few foals, and he asked if he might borrow the violin for a moment.
The moment he took it she watched and listened as he tried it out a few times, and then slowly he began to play a melody that she’d never heard before. The haunting melody seemed to enthrall all that listened to it, and she couldn’t get over the beautiful sound that escaped the violin. The music drifted throughout the courtyard, and soon dozens of ponies began to fill the courtyard, one pony had a set of primitive drums, and she listened as the mare began to match the beat of the song on the drums. Another stallion had a lute, an old instrument to be sure, and he began to match the melody that Andrew was playing.
A simple flute began to sound off, it’s sweet sound mixing with the melody. It sounded as if it belonged to this place, as if it were in truth part of these isles. Listening to it she watched as Andrew played, and she could see the sadness on his face. This music was from the heart, it poured out all of the pain he kept inside of him, and she could hear that pain transcending into something beautiful. It was taking all of the hurt and shaping it into something that sounded so moving.
Part of her wanted to hug him, to pull him close, and simply never let him go. The song seemed to linger in the air, and those not playing moved toward doing something she didn’t expect. They began to dance. The dance wasn’t what she had expected. It wasn’t a waltz, like she had seen at Tenpony Tower before, but instead it was a group of them dancing together. She watched as they danced together, and slowly the desire to dance filled her. Watching them she began to match their movements . The music lasted for several minutes, and it was more than just a few moments of enjoyment. It was almost as if the isles had found an expression of itself.
Andrew finished the song, gently handed the violin back, and the older stallion nodded to him. Sweetie Pie could see that there had been an understanding between the two of them. Andrew looked at Sweetie Pie, and he gave her a smile. It’d been a while since he played, and he chalked it up to the magic of this place that allowed him to play so well. The last time he’d played, at all, had been when he was a guest of the state. The prison library also served as the repository for the instruments. He’d managed to check out the beginners violin there, and he’d played for about an hour.
It hadn’t been a musical score from a major movie like this was, but instead he’d played some church hymns. The priest that held services for the inmates asked that he play for the services, and he’d played a few, or did until one of the strings for the violin broke. At that point there wasn’t much point. On top of that the prison didn’t prioritize replacing, or repairing, instruments for the inmates. So he went back to no playing, to keeping the knowledge of how to play in his mind, and just existing.
His entire existence there was work, more work, even more work, and then rest for the day it would be resting up for the upcoming day. Looking at Sweetie Pie he could see something he had been denying himself for so long. There were a couple of girls at the chicken plant who had been friendly, talked pretty often with him, and they seemed to be interested. The problem was that he wasn’t ready to go down that road. The easy thing to do was blame Tina. She’d wrote him off when it was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to give her the life she wanted.
The problem was that it wasn’t all on her. He could have tried to get past what she did, and he could have tried to deal with the feeling of betrayal she had left him with. He could have realized that not every woman would do what she did, and if was going to be honest with himself she’d shown signs of being a shallow person early on. He had believed that over time she would become more mature. She never did, and he ignored most of the signs. That was on him.
What he’d seen of Sweetie Pie had been different. She seemed loyal, he knew that she was someone that believed in hard work, and the only thing that seemed to be flaw was that she didn’t like when her religious views were challenged. Then again he really didn’t know anyone that really liked to have what they believed in challenged. His uncle was a clear example. His Mom’s brother was a Holiness Pentecostal Preacher that refused to see things outside of the scope of his religious views.
But Sweetie didn’t seem to be that bad. She at least was willing to work toward seeing things differently. It did make me wonder how the change in her perspective would end up changing things for her. He wasn’t exactly sure how he’d be able to process things if he found out that the creator was a sexual being. He understood that the very idea had to fly in the face of everything that Sweetie Pie believed in.
He walked toward her, and held out his hand to her. He’d already been a Zony which meant that he’d been equine. Plus from what he’d learned the Prince, or perhaps it was Prince Consort, was currently married to a living goddess. He was a human, like himself, and he was mating with an anthropomorphic pony. Sweetie Pie herself was beautiful, and he felt that all of his hang ups, all of his pain, was well past the time to be put behind him. He felt her hand as she grasped his own.
The two of them walked together, and he wondered exactly where this was going to lead. He wasn’t worried about what might happen. After all, even though each world they have visited seemed to be its own kind of insane he had to admit that every one of them were in some ways better than his own world. Even the first world, the one that she came from, was better than his life back home. Sure, it seemed dangerous, and he would be an idiot to believe otherwise, but he could see that there was more there than just existing. There seemed to be a chance to rise above the world, to do more than just get by.
That in and of itself was something that interested him. The last few years had been nothing more than really just surviving. Even though everything he was doing here was insane, and it was truly insane, it was more than surviving. He was living. He looked at Sweetie’s face, and he saw something in her eyes. There was a look he’d seen a few times before, but it wasn’t just pure lust. She moved forward, and he found that while her mouth was a little bigger than his own her lips were incredibly soft.
He felt her lips part, and the soft, but strong, tongue that she held in her maw pushed into his own mouth. It wasn’t a lazy slapping of tongues, and it wasn’t some show of power either. Instead he felt her tongue moving skillfully over his own, touching little places that he didn’t even know about, and then he felt it as she licked the roof of his mouth for a second. Everything that she did blew every kiss he’d ever had before out of the water. She pressed against him, and he could feel the swell of her breasts.
They were soft, spongy, and all too wonderful. She pulled back from the kiss, and he could see the question in her eyes. He wasn’t a stranger to the idea of hooking up, but even with the casual hookup there tended to be some talk, a small pageantry, a little game if he was honest. Sweetie Pie apparently didn’t care for the game, because she kissed his neck. She then looked up at him. Her eyes spoke what she felt, and what she felt was interest, longing, and need. She needed him.
“Let’s go find somewhere quiet,” she said, “If you’re interested.”
He nodded, and followed her out of the courtyard and into the castle itself. They walked through the various rooms until they came to what seemed to be a library. There were several books on the shelves, and it smelled of old leather, aged ink, and paper. The two of them kissed again, and soon her top and skirt found themselves off of her. His clothes joined hers, and the too of them found themselves on the floor of the library. The two of them followed their hearts, their instincts, and soon Sweetie Pie found herself on top of him.
She rubbed herself against his shaft. She had to admit that it was decently sized, and she grinned as she felt him stiffening. She was glad that neither of them were virgins. It was obvious by his actions that he’d done this before, and she had done the same. Although her experience was mostly with mares. After all, when one needed release one had to make due with what was present. Of course that said there were a few scribes and knights that she would never do anything with again.
One of which was Knight Strawberry Lemonade. Strawberry might seem like a bubbly, sweet, and cute mare, but she was a nightmare when it came to a strap-on. Sweetie Pie had just wanted a quick rut, but Strawberry had rutted her for hours, using up their entire day off, and when it was said and done Sweetie had been so sore that she could barely crawl let alone trot the next day. Somehow, she didn’t think that she would mind if the same thing happened between her and Andrew.
She let out a small moan as she lifted her hips, found his shaft, and lowered herself onto him. The difference between a strap-on and the real thing always amazed her. Of the two she liked the feeling of a real cock. She began to slowly bounce on top of him, his hands moved up her sides, finding her large and bountiful breasts, and she felt him touch, cup, and play with them. Herself she enjoyed the feeling of having something inside of her that wasn’t made of rubber.
“Oh by Luna’s tight snatch rut me,” she purred, “Rut me so hard.”
Andrew listened to her, and he loved the sound of her voice as they became intimate. This was passionate, and she was going all out on him. He returned in like kind. Each time she began to come down onto his shaft he would thrust his hips up. The result was her soft moans growing into louder moans of passion. She was passionate in a way he couldn’t explain. She didn’t seem hold back, and instead she actually seemed to live each moment to its fullest.
She was everything he wanted to be. He wanted to be the kind of man that would live every second he had to the fullest, to face the world with a sense of awe, and to be willing to live for more than just surviving. Their first round lasted a few minutes, the second lasted well over an hour, and by the third she was on her hands and knees, he was behind her, his hand on her tail, lifting it up, and the other was on her cutie marked rump. He was pulling her into each thrust, feeling the heat from her inferno, and he was lost in the moment. She was everything he wanted, and he understood that he had no reason to ever really go back home.
If he did he wanted to make sure that she could come with him, but at this point there was no reason. All he had waiting was an old house full of VHS tapes, a job that he hated, and a life that was destined to be lived alone and friendless. It wasn’t something he wanted, and he realized that any of the worlds they had been to would be fine with him. Where she was would be home. When the both of them orgasmed he lifted her and laid back. She lay on top of him, and he felt her move until she was facing him. She moved beside him, curling up on his side, and she kissed his neck.
She snuggled against him, one leg moved across his own, and then felt her hand as she stretched it across his chest.
“Mmmm,” she purred, “You know that we’re together now.”
He smiled, “I’m fine with that,” he said, “I don’t think that I want to go back to where I came from, but if you want to go back to the rangers, I’ll do everything I can to get you there.”
She nodded, “I should get back,” she said, “I know that they need my help in defending the ponies of the wastes.”
He smiled, “And they’ll have my help as well.”
She grinned, “I’m going to kind of miss this look,” she said before she kissed him, “After all, you’re cute as Tartarus.”
He grinned, “Well, I think that we might be able to visit this place again. Maybe we can find a way of connecting the two worlds together.”
She grinned and settled next to him, “That sounds good.”
He felt his eyes getting heavy, and soon sleep took the both of them. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but later he heard giggling, and he looked up to see the pink mare from earlier. She was standing there, with their clothes, and shook her head.
“Wowie, I was thinking that she’d move fast, but I didn’t expect it to be in the library!”
He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel embarrassed or not, so he settled on just being there. A moment later he felt Sweetie Pie awaken. She looked at the mare before her and hugged him tighter.
“Nopearooni, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m a happily married mare,” she said, “Although you might want to get dressed. There’s some business that needs to be attended to.”
They nodded, got up, got dressed, and followed her toward the throne room. There Sweetie saw her armor. She walked toward it, opened it, and stepped inside. Once she was inside she checked the systems to see that it hadn’t been messed with too much. Her skirt was a little bunched up, so she would need to remove it before doing much inside of her armor. She looked toward everypony and nodded.
“Thank you for allowing us to examine your armor,” Twilight said, “We have found various improvements that could be made toward our own armor. However, what we have found is that according to your armor you are an accomplished warrior.”
She nodded, “For the most part, I’ve been trained, and I would like to believe that we’ve done some good.”
Twilight nodded, “We are in need of your services, if you wish to aid us,” she said, “We are in the middle of ridding these isles of a great evil. Part of that evil is a certain type of demonic wolf that has the ability to get through normal armor. If you choose to join us, we could use your help in destroying them, and of course of ridding the isles of a lich.”
She nodded, “My oath as a Knight is to protect the innocent from powers that would destroy them. I will do the same here.”
Andrew looked at them, “I’m a decent shot, and I’ll help however I can.”
They nodded, “Good, then tomorrow night we hunt.”
