Author's Note

This story is a joke I'm making for No Nut November, but with some twists and turns around it.

If you like this story, please like subscribe and comment, it's free and you could always undo it later.

Wait What?

Chapter 1:

It was the month that all stallions dread. It was the month where they were forbidden to do what they were born to do. It was the month where they would lose their fun, their freedom, and their identity. It was the month where they would find themselves being tortured in the worst way possible. The mares already had begun preparing themselves, knowing that they’d have to find another way to distract themselves without their stallions. And as the couples tried to spend the last few hours of October with each other and the older colts tried to have some fun during Nightmare Night, they all froze as the moon reached its peak during the night sky.

And they all knew what had come.

No. Nut. November.

Day 1:

“Alright class, let me go through what you’re passing through right now.” A stallion said as he stood in front of a group of colts from the age of 13 to the age of 18. Some of the younger colts’ legs were shaking, while some of the older ones tried to distract themselves with other activities. But it was impossible for anyone to not be aware of the growing pain, and ironically, pleasure, coursing within their crotch. The stallion himself seemed to shake once in a while, but other than that he appeared to be calm as he used a pointer to begin pointing at the screen in front of the class.

“For those who already heard of this story, you could use this time to concentrate on your current situation, but as for those who are new and need a distraction, hear this session please.” The stallion said as his legs twitched again before switching the slide to show the famous battle between Discord and The Royal Sisters. “You all know about the story of the Royal Sisters and how they stopped Discord’s reign of chaos and unhappiness. However, just like how Sombra placed the curse on the Crystal Empire to make it disappear with him, so did Discord.” The professor sighed as his legs shook again, before stating what curse did Discord give.

“His curse would become known as…

“No Nut November...

“A month in which a stallion is unable to relieve himself for an entire month. Now, this wouldn’t be difficult as some ponies dedicate themselves to not doing so for a year, however, what makes this month so deadly for us males is because our… ‘production’ if you will, begins to multiply rapidly. For every day, the rate that we produce our ‘seed’ adds up. On the 2nd of November, our production rate is two times faster than before, and on the 30th of November, our production is thirty times that of normal. And as you can expect, our bodies, or better said, our ‘storage’ place, isn’t able to adapt to this change so quickly. So during this month, we stallions suffer through this, every single year. Now you may ask why Discord, already being reformed by Princess Twilight and her council, can’t simply undo what he did. The simple answer to this is that he simply can’t. Whether it’s because he’s lazy to do it or simply because there is no spell to reverse what he did does not matter, he simply cannot undo this curse he placed upon us, and so our stallions and those who will come will be stuck in this cycle of torture forever unless the solution to this is found.” The professor said before his legs nearly gave way from the intense pressure between them. A young student lifted his hoof and asked a question.

“So we’re not able to… ya know… do that… for an entire month?” The student asked. The teacher smiled sadly.

“Oh well you’re still allowed to release yourself, but let’s just say the result of which isn’t worth it.” The teacher said, “The moment you release, you won’t be able to stop, and you could begin to imagine what would happen to you.” The professor stated.

“Then what happens to you when you eventually run dry?” The student asked again, making the professor chuckle a bit.

“Well why don’t you try our veterans from December who willingly attempted to ‘solve the after-effects of November.’” The professor said, motioning to the more older students who simply twitched in terror as flashbacks at their attempt still haunted them.

“Just don’t try it, kid. Don’t try it.” Said one of the older students who looked into the distance, barely even feeling their current symptoms and rather going back in time to the horrible feeling they got during that fateful December. The professor sighed.

“Yes, we are still looking for the perfect solution to what we call ‘Blue-Balled’, which is the state that we’ll all be going through during this month. A study at Canterlot University attempted to see what the best option would be, but unless you blindly believe that breeding with your mare friend is a smart idea at your age, it’s best to just try to ride it out. The pain eventually leaves by itself throughout December, but trying to release it as soon as the month starts wouldn’t be the best decision.” The professor said, “Any more questions? No? Alright. I see that you all know the gist of this, and so we’ll continue with a lecture on how to adapt to this situation, alright? And if any of you suddenly burst inside of this classroom, I expect that you’ll be helping us clean up the flood once this month is over, got it?” The students all nodded as they continued to hear their teacher, doing their best to hold the lion inside their loins.

In the capital though, things weren’t going so well for the military.

Captain Shining Armor was lying somewhat peacefully in a recliner chair, taking in the air through deep breaths as he tried to save his mind from any thoughts, especially Cadence. He loved the Princess of Love, however as Captain of not one but two nations, he needed to make sure nothing happened to him, or else the fragile order that existed within the military during this month would shatter. Adding that he was one of the few stallions who were marked as ‘Hyper Stallions’, he was extra precautious from beginning a ‘cum’pocalypse.

However, the sounds of explosive bursts did not help in Shining’s case, as the sound of both pain and ecstasy rattled through the walls. Taken out of his meditation state, the married stallion suddenly felt the urge between his legs and while he was able to halt it, it took away much of his strength, a strength he needed if he were to survive the entire month.

Suddenly the Captain of the Royal Guard heard a knock on his door. Lifting himself from his chair, the white stallion walked to the door, smiling as he noticed a young friend of his, dressed in his new uniform.

“It’s nice seeing you in your new uniform, Lieutenant General Midnight Blitzer.” The white unicorn said to the younger blue pegasi, who simply smiled while letting out a light-hearted laugh.

“Don’t ya think that the title is a bit too long? You could call me Lieutenant Midnight if you want. You are my superior.” Midnight said, his green eyes showing an unrivaled amount of happiness. Shining Armor simply chuckled as he began to shake Midnight’s wild dark blue mane.

“Alright Midnight, let’s stop horsin’ around. We have a lot of things to take care of.” Shining Armor said as he went to his seat to sit down. “So you know what today is right?” The Prince of the Crystal Empire asked as Midnight thought about the question.

“It’s… November? What about it?” The young ‘lieutenant’ replied. The Captain suddenly froze as he looked at the young colt in confusion. There’s no way that he-

Wanting to see whether his suspicion was true or not, Shining Armor went ahead and asked Midnight another question.

“How old are you?” The white stallion asked as he looked at him up and down, already guessing that Midnight could not be older than twenty. He had after all trained the young colt, but with the years flying by it was hard to keep track. Midnight simply tilted his head with his confused look.

“I’m 18. And…?” The young soldier looked at his superior with confusion, not understanding where this was heading. Shining Armor simply face hooved.

“Let me put this bluntly. Do you know what ‘No Nut November’ is?” The Captain of the Guard inquired. As Midnight began to open his mouth to respond, an explosion, many times more powerful than those before, rang through the entire building. Upon hearing this, Shining Armor began to hurriedly push Midnight outside of the door, already knowing what happened upstairs.

“Well let me begin to show you.” The Captain said as he pulled up a walkie-talkie. “Can anyone give me a location as to where the eruption occurred?” The white stallion asked as he began to increase his walking speed, knowing very well that a flooded building would lead to high repair costs. His signal was picked up by someone, as moans of both pain and pleasure played in the background.

“Can someone help me!? The room is getting flooded- Gah! Help me! I don’t want to go down this way!” The sound of a terrified stallion was heard through the device as he was drowning.

“What room are you in!?” Shining Armor said as he and Midnight opened the stairway and began to run upstairs, to where the explosion took place.

“3F! 3F And someone please help me!” The stallion screamed before the signal was caught off. Shining Armor and Midnight began to run upstairs to the third floor, and to their surprise, they could see the floor already being covered by a white gooey substance as it leaked through the cracks of the door. The two stood on opposite ends of the door, with Midnight entering the code of the door. He had memorized every single code number of each room during his free time, just in case he was sent to command a group.

The Captain of the Royal Guard nodded to Midnight, giving him the order to enter the room the moment they opened the door. Upon pulling the door with all of his might though, Shining was suddenly blasted away as a torrent of white goo rushed through the door, splattering the opposite wall and increasing the flow of the weird substance. Midnight began to lift his hoof while appearing disgusted by the fluid.

“What is this!?” Midnight yelled. Shining simply rolled his eyes as it appeared that it was the young pegasus’s first time seeing this.

“It’s what I’ve been telling you! It’s-” Before Shining could finish his sentence, another torrent of the substance blasted out of the room, knocking the captain over onto the ground and painting the entire hallway white. While the already white stallion began to wipe the goo from his fur, in vain, Midnight began to study the substance, picking it up with his hoof and squishing it, before a wave of realization passed through his face.

“Hey! This is goo!” Midnight said, causing Shining to shake his head as he began to pull himself up.

“No Midnight this is-”

“No I mean it, it's slime goo! Liquid slime goo!” Midnight said as he handed Shining the squished substance. After feeling it for a moment, Shining Armor began to blink in confusion.

“Y-you’re right… this is goo… which means…” Before Shining Armor could finish his sentence, the two began to hear a familiar mare beginning to laugh out loud. They turned their gazes inside the room to see a cyan pegasus sprawled on the floor, laughing at full volume. Beside her was a mortified stallion, who just seconds ago thought the world was about to end for him. Shining Armor growled at the young mare who continued to laugh nonstop.

"Oh, you should see your face! I mean look at you! It looks like you just got a face load of cu-" Before the cyan pegasi could finish, Shining Armor dealt her a hard punch, causing her to collapse to the ground. But to their surprise, and Shining’s annoyance, the mare continued to laugh again.

"Rainbow! That stallion could've died right now! Do you know what types of charges you would receive if he had drowned in this goo?!" Shining Armor roared, but to his annoyance again, she shrugged it off.

"Well, it would've been his fault. He could've simply opened a vent or a window, or simply run outside. Are you saying that you guards can't even save their bums…" The rainbow-maned mare said, before scratching her chin as she thought about her statement. "...Well, it does explain the army's incompetency-"

"Rainbow!" Shining Armor barked at her, causing her to freeze for a moment and look at him with a sheepish expression. "This is a serious situation and we can't allow ponies like you to cause havoc! Right Midnight?" The Captain of the Guard asked, looking at said blue pegasi who was in his world before snapping himself back into the present.

"Yeah. I guess so." Midnight said, giving his sheepish expression. The white unicorn slightly frowned at Midnight's spacing out, but given that Midnight was currently grabbing and studying the goo, there was at least a legitimate reason for why the colt was being so distracted at this point. The cyan pegasi raised an eyebrow.

"What is he doing here? I thought he was too innocent to be doing these tasks." Rainbow asked, tilting her own head. Shining Armor sighed as he brought a hoof to his face and did a slow face hoof.

"I just realized that he doesn't even know what 'No Nut November' is, let alone know what your trick was implying." Shining Armor stated, frowning at Rainbow who smiled deviously.

"Well, it's not like you could stop me… unless you want to ruin your little building by splattering it with your own white substance eh?" Rainbow said as she slowly began to pull out a piece of paper, presumably with an exotic scene in it. Shining Armor immediately looked away, not wanting to become 'excited', but immediately frowned when he heard Rainbow beginning to laugh again. He turned around and saw Midnight looking at Rainbow’s picture, which was that of a peanut. The fact she knew what type of pun it was only infuriated him even more as Rainbow began to laugh.

"Oh my Faust! You fell for that again!" Rainbow said as she fell to the floor, laughing as hard as she could. Shining Armor immediately felt flustered at being tricked twice in a row as Midnight handed the picture of the peanut to him.

"Welp I gotta go before you get back to your senses! See ya! And good luck with surviving No Nut November!" The female pegasi said before jumping out of the nearby window and flying away. The Captain of the guard simply growled that Rainbow ran away. Ever since she knew about No Nut November, she would constantly terrorize and make fun of poor stallions, whether verbally, physically, or through a prank. She never had any limit when it came to making a stallion's life in November hell, and thus Shining had become annoyed by her presence. There was not a single pony that was more annoying than her during No Nut November.

"So does that mean we won’t be eating peanuts, walnuts, or any type of nut during this month?" Midnight asked, confused as to what No Nut November meant, causing Shining to deadpan.

Well, maybe there was someone who could end up being at least as annoying as Rainbow during No Nut November.

The married stallion still could not believe that Midnight did not know what No Nut November meant, as if he couldn't feel between his legs. The Captain of the Guard found this to be very strange, and a bit worrisome even.

"Midnight… let’s go to a private room to cha-"

An alarm clock suddenly rang through Shining's ear as Midnight’s watch suddenly sparked to life, prompting the young pegasus to turn it off.

"Well, I think it's time for me to go to the gym. See ya!" Before Shining could even stop him, Midnight had already zipped away around the corner, out of sight and out of range of hearing. The older stallion simply sighed as he wondered how to explain to Midnight what No Nut November was, as well as to answer some other questions like how Midnight managed to go through several years without feeling the repercussions of the month and such.

The rest of the day went as one would expect. Considering that it was just the first day, controlling their urges was easy for many stallions, with some exceptions. The only major instances of 'cumplosions' occurring around the building were because of Rainbow's goo pranks, which ended once Shining Armor ratted her out of the building. No stallion would explode in a burst of pain and pleasure, at least for today. But it was apparent that the younger and less experienced colts were already showing symptoms that they would buckle under the pressure soon.

In the meantime, Shining Armor found himself lucky that he wouldn’t have to deal with the real explosions anytime, though he had to admit that the prank Rainbow did cut down a part of his mental and physical strength he would need when the pressure gets tight, especially during the last week of November. But for now, things were calm.

As of right now though, Shining Armor didn’t have much to do. At first, he began to plan a way to give Midnight a proper education about No Nut November as well as a course over his anatomy and the… ‘fun’ he could get using it. Not in November, but certainly another month, though Shining did find himself questioning why he should be teaching Midnight these things. Shouldn’t the colt’s father have taught him?

Of course, he immediately dropped his plans the moment his legs began to twitch. It was too risky to do it, especially since November had just started, not to mention how a Hyper Stallion's relief was even more powerful than the average. Since he was a Hyper Stallion, the fear of destroying the military base was enough for him to survive various Novembers without erupting in an explosion of pleasure. Ironically, this led him to get a pretty decent record for surviving as many NNN months as he could. He didn't want to break his record because of Rainbow Dash pranking him into cumming or because of Midnight who didn't know what No Nut November was.

Hopefully, he thought, he could look into Midnight's medical record to see the reason why the youngling didn't know what No Nut November was. Shining just didn’t find a reason as to why Midnight would be so naive. Had the youngling learned a way to restrain himself and never burst?

The feeling of excitement returned, forcing Shining to drop the thought again. He needed to concentrate and relax his mind and body.

As he proceeded to his dormitory, he spotted Midnight laughing along with a mare, as if today was just any other day of the year. For a moment, a hint of jealousy seeped into the Prince of the Crystal Empire. The young colt continued to act naturally as if there was no such thing as November. The fact that the mare, a purple bat pony, had a hot body, caused Shining to become surprised that Midnight showed no signs of lust or being flustered by her body. For whatever reason, Midnight seemed completely unaffected by No Nut November. The older stallion wished he had Midnight’s purity. It would allow him to see his wife during these times, and not get distracted by her beautiful and curvy bo-

Shining’s legs began to quiver once more, forcing him to immediately duck into his room and remove any of his thoughts from his mind. He would not let himself fail. He will survive this month, even if it means distancing himself from any thoughts, including his wife. As Shining began to force his mind to shut down for the night, he could still hear Midnight and the bat pony laughing, and causing Shining to sigh.

As the Captain of the Guard drifted off to sleep, the blue pegasi and purple bat pony continued to have their fun conversation, laughing as much as they could while sharing jokes and such.

“...So I was like, ‘Fancy people be like Isht Toosday init?’ and that other guy in our dormitory said ‘Fancy people be like: Can I get a bowel uf wuter.’ and we had such a good laugh with that ‘Fancy people be like’ meme. You should’ve been there!” The purple bat pony said while Midnight could help but laugh at the absurd jokes.

“‘Oh mein goth! Aa just su funi’” Midnight replied, and the two of them laughed even harder as Midnight simply shook his head. “We’re now just sounding so absurd right?” Midnight asked and the purple bat pony just laughed it off.

“Who cares? Let other ponies mind their own business. We’re just young adults just wanting to have some fun by telling bad puns.” The thestral said, giggling once more. As the two of them headed to the balcony outside, the two couldn’t help but continue laughing uncontrollably. The moon, now rising, caused the thestral to shudder a bit as she could feel its power entering her. Just like how many daytime ponies depended on the sun for their strength, so did the nocturnals depend on the moon for their power.

“So what happened today Midnight? Anything ‘exciting’ occurred?” The bat pony said, adding a sensual tone to the word ‘exciting’. Midnight began to laugh a bit as he remembered what happened earlier in the morning.

“Shining Armor got pranked by Rainbow.” Midnight said. “She shot a massive wave of goo at him after tricking him that an ‘explosion’ went off upstairs!” The young lieutenant general said, causing the bat pony to start blushing while laughing as hard as she could.

“Poor Shining! He probably thought that he just got sprayed by a wave of cum!” The bat pony said, giggling uncontrollably before looking at Midnight. “Were you shocked as well?” The thestral asked. Midnight shook his head while smiling softly.

“You know me Moonlight, I don’t get surprised that easily. Just took me a second to realize it was goo while Shining was still recovering from the shock. He thought it was something else.” The young pegasi, still laughing a bit as he remembered how Shining was yeeted into the opposite wall by the torrent of goo. Moonlight simply chuckled.

“He shouldn’t have been fooled so easily. It’s unheard of a stallion failing to hold his load within the first day. And as for colts, well they can’t blow up that big. Everyone knows this for No Nut November.” Moonlight said, before tilting her head as she looked at Midnight’s confused face before she began to smile softly. “Hmm… maybe one cute guy doesn’t know what No Nut November is.” The thestral said as she began to ruffle his mane.

“Well, what is it anyway?” Midnight asked Moonlight, who held a hoof to her chin as she began to think how she should answer him. She suddenly smiled as she brought Midnight closer to her.

“What do you think ‘No Nut November’ means?” Moonlight asked, to which Midnight shrugged.

“Uhm… you can’t eat nuts in November?” Midnight asked, with a hint of uncertainty. Moonlight simply giggled as she decided to just play along.

“Exactly. The temptation is so strong for some stallions that they fail to go a month without eating nuts. Do you understand? You need to win this challenge by not eating any nuts! Got it?” Moonlight silently laughed as she saw Midnight beginning to ‘understand’ what ‘No Nut November’ meant.

“Got it. Shouldn’t be too difficult to complete the mission.” Midnight said, smiling after Moonlight, who patted him on the head.

“Good boy, now let’s get some shut-eye alright? And maybe we can continue telling funny jokes in the morning alright?” The thestral offered as they walked to the door of their dormitory. As they finally began to enter the room and hit the hay, Midnight told one final joke.

“‘Fancy people would be like: ight wu be ma pleshur.’”

The two of them laugh, their sounds muffled by the walls as the door closes behind them and they go to sleep.