Cheerilee's Guide to Gardening

“Good morning class!” Cheerilee wore her usual excited smile, ready to bring these foals into the wonderful world of learning! Her wonderful, beautiful class brimmed with potential! “Today we will be talking about Leibneigh’s notation. Please open your calculus books to page 1646!”

The entire class groaned, except for Twist and Honey Drop. Her garden hated math, finding it too complicated and boring. While Cheerilee admitted that she might be pushing her students a little hard, she believed strong challenges helped ponies grow strong!

“Please make it stop!” Scootaloo whined an hour into their lesson. Her notes had devolved into incoherent scribbles, completely overwhelmed by numbers and figures. Poor Dinky rubbed her temples before slamming her head against her desk.

Sweetie Belle put her hooves into her face. “Is it time for recess yet? That’s my favorite class!”

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “Recess isn’t a class, blank flank.”

“Yeah, stupid. Like everypony knows that!” Her lackey, Silver Spoon, added.

“Is so!” Scootaloo shot back.

“Is, like, so not!” Silver Spoon replied and the four fillies broke into bickering, derailing Cheerilee’s class.

Other foals added their opinions as to whether recess was a class or not and the fighting began to spread. Cheerilee sighed. It seemed that at a moment’s notice, she might lose control of her students. It always annoyed her that some students enjoyed playing in the playground more than studying. She shouted to get their attention, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. She yelled again to similar results.

“Class!” Cheerilee screamed at the top of her lungs, catching her student’s attention. “Good. Now let’s return to the lesson!” She grimaced as the school bell rang, indicating the end of math class and the beginning of recess. The foals rushed for the door, but a hard glare from Cheerilee stopped any of that nonsense. This was her school, darn it, and class ended when she said so.

“Nopony is going anywhere until you complete the questions on page 1716.” This news made her students groan, but her hard glare made them reconsider arguing. Cheerilee nodded, glad everything had gotten back on track. After more grumbling, the class completed their questions and eagerly started recess. It wasn’t like losing ten minutes of recess would kill anypony.

Cheerilee stayed behind in the classroom to get a head start on grading some papers. Of course, she periodically peered outside, making sure nopony was misbehaving. A polite cough caught her attention.

“Yes, Snails?” Cheerilee asked.

“Uh, Miss Cheerilee, may I ask a question.” A long moment passed while the colt considered his next words. Cheerilee sighed and waited for Snails to continue, knowing how the colt did nothing hastily.

“Oh right, Miss Cheerilee, I was wondering if you could come and help?” Snails asked. “Snips has made a mess.”

“Okay, let’s see what happened.” So much for grading papers. But Cheerilee didn’t argue and followed the colt.

Diamond Tiara brightened when she spotted her teacher coming and smirked. “Looks like somepony’s going to be in trouble!”

“Yeah, like totally!” Silver Spoon added.

“Snips, Sweetie Belle, why are you stuck to the top of the swing set covered in tree sap?” Cheerilee asked, already dreading the answer, finding her students somehow wrapped the swings too. The trouble foals got themselves into always boggled the mind.

“It’s the tree sap!” Sweetie Belle replied. “It’s like a ninja! Ready to strike at a moment’s notice!”

“Ninja?” Snips asked, confused.

“Ninjas are cool!” Snails added helpfully.

Cheerilee sighed. That wasn’t an answer, but she didn’t argue and spent the rest of recess getting the foals unstuck. Somehow the rest of today’s class sessions went by without issue and her garden darted from their schoolhouse after class ended. They babbled to themselves, school long forgotten in their minds and a cynical part of Cheerilee wondered if they’d learned anything today. It was dark by the time she headed back home.

“Hey, Cheer!” Trixie called as Cheerilee passed the unicorn’s house. The blue mare was casually leaning against the frame of her front door “Rough day?” she asked.

“The same as usual,” Cheerilee replied. She hoped tomorrow would involve less tree sap, though.

“You look like utter heck!” Trixie said after examining the state of her friend. “We should go out drinking. I’ll pay for the first round!”

Trixie’s uncharacteristic generosity caught Cheerilee off guard and considered the offer before shaking her head. “No, I have papers to grade, and my garden needs tending. How about this weekend?”

“Good, Trixie was about to get out of this important paperwork that needs signing,” Pokey said, poking his head out a window. This shocking revelation didn’t surprise Cheerilee whatsoever.

“It’s all zoning nonsense!” Trixie replied. “Why the mayor thinks this needs my approval, I’ll never know.”

This earned a smile from Cheerilee. Trixie would rather face a hydra than do the myriad of paperwork that her position as representative required.

“Good luck!”

“Yeah, whatever. Goodnight Cheerilee.” Trixie replied despondently before Pokey pulled her inside.

Much to her disappointment, she didn’t run across any of her other friends. While she considered seeking them out, her garden really required her attention. It was how she relaxed after a stressful day.

“How did these get here?” Cheerilee grunted in annoyance when she spotted some knotweed growing among her petunias. Weeds, the blight of ponykind everywhere. While she wasn’t a farmer like Carrot Top, her earth pony heritage made her love nature and growing things. Weeds just won’t do! They strangled the more worthy plants and stole their resources.

Ponies were also like this. She liked to consider her class her own special garden, full of potential seeds ready to grow into something amazing! A strange twitch formed in her mind. Was it that time already? It had been awhile since her last weeding. But, it was a job that needed doing. But what weed would she pick? Cheerilee shook her head and put the matter out of her mind. It probably wasn’t that time yet.

“Morning class!” Cheerilee said to her garden but frowned after noticing somepony missing. “Where’s Apple Bloom?”

“Miss Cheerilee, Bloom said she was sick today and couldn’t make it!” Sweetie Belle replied after waving her hoof into the air.

“Really? She should have sent me a note instead of having one of her friends tell me, but nevermind. It’s something I can discuss with her sister later. Please open your history books to page 1898. Today we will be discussing the Zaldia-Equestria War.” The class complied with the minimal amount of groaning.

Cheerilee kept a close eye on her student’s progress. While not perfect, she liked what she saw. Yes, her garden was growing nicely. Maybe it didn’t require weeding after all. The day passed without issue except for the incident where Silver Spoon tricked Snails into eating an entire bottle of paste. Thankfully, it was nontoxic. Raindrops would have a fit if anything happened to her precious little brother.

The lunch period arrived quickly and she giggled with excitement while leaving on her break. A.K. Yearling’s new book, Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny, came out today and Cheerilee couldn’t wait to get a copy! She groaned when she noticed the line in front of the bookstore. It went past the next street. Cheerilee had hoped it would have died down by now.

This will take hours! She resigned herself to the harsh truth that she might not receive the new book of Daring Doo until a later date. Hopefully, the bookstore will still have copies tomorrow. She turned to leave when a familiar pink bow caught her attention.

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, Apple Bloom,” Cheerilee said through gritted teeth as she stomped up to the little filly.

Apple Bloom gave a nervous laugh, “Oh, uh, hi Miss Cheerilee. Fancy seeing you here!” She broke into a series of obviously fake coughs. “Yeah, I still feel pretty bad! Just thought I’d get some air!”

“Air around a bookstore with the newest novel by A.K. Yearling?” Cheerilee replied, not hiding her sarcasm.

Apple Bloom looked around eyes wide like she hadn’t realized she’d been standing in the queue. “Have I? Golly gee, what a strange coincidence!” She winced in pain as Cheerilee grabbed her by the ear and dragged her away from the bookstore.

“Your sister and I are having a long chat after school, right after an hour-long detention for skipping school on false pretenses.”

“Darn it.” Apple Bloom’s face fell.

“More weeds again!” Cheerilee grunted in annoyance after finding some thistles amongst her tomatoes. “All this rain isn’t helping.” She scowled at the weather ponies above her pushing dark clouds into place to form another rainstorm. Then she spotted Raindrops among them and her mood brightened and she waved.

“Hi, Cheerilee.” Raindrops said after flying down. “Working in your garden again?”

“Yep!” Cheerilee beamed. “The squash are coming along nicely. Try one.” She pulled off one of the vegetables and passed it to Raindrops. The pegasus’s eyes widened in delight when its fresh flavor struck her mouth.

“Delicious!” Raindrop replied and took another bite, juice dripping from her mouth.

“When the tomatoes are done, I should invite everypony over for dinner,” Cheerilee said, “I have a new recipe I want to try.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Raindrops replied. “I’ll talk to everypony about it.”

“Just make sure Trixie doesn’t organize the booze this time,” Cheerilee’s expression turned serious, “We don’t want a repeat of last year’s Hearth’s Warming party.” Raindrops blushed and nodded.

“Thanks for the snack,” she said holding up the ravaged remains of the squash, “but I gotta get back to work. This storm won’t make itself.”

“The rain’s nice, but all these weeds keep popping up!” Cheerilee grabbed a nearby collection of couch with her teeth and pulled.

“Sorry.” Raindrops’ ears flattened.

“It’s not your fault.” Cheerilee waved a dismissive hoof. “Besides, I like staying vigilant!” Again, a familiar pang struck her and she couldn’t help but consider the weeds that dwelled in her class also. Not as bad as some years, but they were there, lurking to ruin the rest of her garden.

“If you say so.” Raindrops shrugged. “It sounds like a lot of work to me.”

Cheerilee waved her friend goodbye and stared back at her wonderful garden. The faces of her students appeared amongst the various plants.

Is it time to begin weeding again? Weeding was dangerous and something she couldn’t do too often lest somepony become suspicious. Yet, the danger made the weeding exciting, and also shameful. Cheerilee wasn’t like normal ponies, which always pained her. Ponies shouldn’t have thoughts like hers. But she knew too well that a pony couldn’t deny their nature. The important part was using her nature for good! She refused to be like those ponies that hurt ponies for fun and delighted in hurting the helpless and innocent. If she was to be a serial killer, she’d be a serial killer for the good of everypony! She was the bearer of the Element of Laughter, which proved she was a hero!

Cheerilee tapped her chin. “Who are the weeds of my garden?” This matter required careful consideration.

“Would you believe the utter audacity of that creep?” Trixie exclaimed to the room at large. “Why Princess Luna hasn’t kicked out Duke Greengrass, I’ll never know!”

“No kidding!” Lyra scowled, nibbling at her plate of rippled chips. The poor mare was still reeling after learning that her beloved mentor, Octavia, had been under the duke’s hoof for years. The slimeball had tried using her mentor to get Lyra under his hoof as well.

“It’s over now. We’ll just have to keep alert! No problem.” Ditzy poured herself some root beer. While her friends were helping themselves to stronger drinks, the pegasus preferred her fizzy drinks. Besides, she thought it would be a poor example if Dinky found her mother coming home drunk. What a responsible pony Ditzy was!

“Will those ponies ever give us some peace?” Carrot Top said. “Don’t they realize we’re the good guys? We saved Equestria, for Luna’s sake! What if Corona comes back?”

“When they see power, they want it.” Trixie shook her head. “Regardless of the consequences.”

Cheerilee tapped her chin. “The story of the scorpion and frog comes to mind.”

Raindrops blinked. “Are they really that foalhardy?” The mare had only been vaguely listening to the conversation, not wanting to discuss politics, instead focusing on Cheerilee’s Tomato Basil Pasta. Much to the teacher’s delight, her friends were enjoying it.

“You bet they are!” Trixie exclaimed and her friends gave their reluctant nods of agreement.

“Princess Luna has to do more weeding,” Cheerilee muttered. It irritated her that the Night Court butted into her business. The teacher only wanted a normal life. Plus, the constant spying made her other, darker, activities more difficult. Once or twice, she’d caught sight of a suspicious pony poking around town. How bothersome.

“Weeding?” Trixie blinked, confused.

“You know, uh, getting rid of the bad eggs!” Cheerilee cursed. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Luna’s too nice,” Trixie replied, “she never wants to assume the worst of ponies. She figures things will usually work themselves out. Punishment will always be the last resort.”

“Well, if there are bad ponies, then the princess needs to kick them out,” Ditzy said thoughtfully, “it’s hard, but you need to use a firm hoof sometimes. I’ve learned that the hard way.” Her other friends nodded their agreement.

“So you agree with me that weeding is required!” Cheerilee said delighted, glad they were agreeing on this point.

“I guess?” Trixie replied, finding Cheerilee’s phrasing a little unusual. “There are bad ponies in the world and somepony needs to take care of them.”

Ditzy’s eyes widened. “You’re right. Otherwise, there would be anarchy!”

“Guys, can we please not talk about this.” Raindrops said almost desperately. “Like about the upcoming hoofball season instead? They have invited me to play this year, and I want your input.”

“Okay, no more politics, I promise,” Trixie replied, “anyway, I never realized you played, Raindrops.” They began a discussion about sports and it surprised Cheerilee how passionate her friend Raindrops was about hoofball. Trixie showed a surprising knowledge about Canterlot’s own hoofball team, the Canterlot Nightmares. The only issue was finding the time in the pegasus’s busy work schedule to practice. Rainbow Dash was never very conscientious about her employee’s hours.

This time, Cheerilee zoned out and considered what they had talked about. She delighted that her friends agreed with her about the importance of weeding. Over the centuries, weeds had grown out of control in the Night Court, which strangled it. It proved Cheerilee’s theory that society, like any garden, needed proper weeding to flourish. While unfortunately, she couldn’t do anything about the weeds in the Night Court, but her personal garden was another matter. She didn’t feel as guilty as she planned out her next weeding session. She’d already decided one weed that needed elimination. Her class better be on its best behavior tomorrow, lest they be chosen too.

“Look, Miss Cheerilee, I can explain!” Dinky said, wearing a desperate expression on her face.

“I’m waiting.” Cheerilee tapped the paper, which held a big fat zero writing with red pen ink.

Dinky gulped and nodded. She opened her mouth then paused, considering her next words with care. Much to Cheerilee’s relief, the filly picked the truth and her ears flattened against her head. “It’s hard. I tried studying, but...”

“Dinky, are you having trouble in your science class?” Cheerilee replied with compassion. Poor Dinky looked like a kicked puppy, and the teacher couldn’t stay mad at her.

“Maybe a little.” Dinky lowered her head in shame and Cheerilee put a comforting hoof on her student’s shoulder.

“Tell you what. I’ll see about getting you a proper tutor.” Cheerilee’s next words became sterner. But I expect you to work hard for your next test, okay.”

“Yes, mam.” Dinky’s voice was almost a whisper.

“Good.” Cheerilee nodded her head in satisfaction. “Forget about this test. I’ll allow you to take a makeup one next week on Monday.”

“Thanks, Miss Cheerilee!” Dinky walked away with a smile on her face, but Cheerilee noticed it contained a degree of smugness. Much to her horror, the teacher realized the filly had just manipulated her. That little devil knew how to use her cuteness like a deadly weapon. She spent the rest of the lunch period fuming at her own stupidity.

The rest of the day passed and Cheerilee watched her students with hawk-like eyes, watching for any mistakes. It put her students on edge. In reflex, they stayed on their best behavior knowing a predator was among them. Lightning struck outside and it was pouring when school ended for today.

“Night class,” Cheerilee said as her class departed, “stay dry out there. I don’t want anypony to get sick!”

“Aren’t the weather ponies overdoing it a bit?” Cheerilee asked herself as she threw on her poncho and placed papers into her briefcase. It has been a present from her sister, Berry Punch, for her birthday last year with her cutie mark engraved on the top. The rain increased in ferocity as she ran back home. The rainwater had filled the Ponyville River almost to bursting and its waters had turned violent. A slight smile crept onto her mouth. It gave her an idea.

“This way Snails! Ugh, you’re too slow.” Snips tapped his hoof waiting for his slower friend to catch up.

Snails, as usual, moved with his usual languid pace. “I’m coming. Just give me a moment.”

“Boys, what are you doing?” Cheerilee gave each colt a stern look. Unlike Cheerilee, they hadn’t dressed for the weather, and their wet manes stuck to their faces.

Snips tensed after catching sight of his teacher. “Not much, just playing in the rain!”

“My sister says rain is cool!” Snails added like he was speaking one of the universal truths of the universe.

“Yes, but you’re playing too close to the riverbank,” Cheerilee replied, holding back a more scathing retort, using cold logic instead, “what if you fall in?” Snails considered this reasoning with a thoughtful gaze, but Snips remained convinced.

“It’s fine.” Snips replied, waving a dismissive hoof. “I’m a great swimmer! Besides, I found this really cool rock! I need Snails to help me bring it home for my rock collection!”

“And you’re doing this in the middle of a storm, because?”

“What it washes away, or gets stolen?!” From Snips’ expression, the world would end if this occurred.

“Uh, yeah!” Snails nodded, succumbing to this logic.

“Show me where this rock is.” An irritated Cheerilee followed the two colts down the river until they came across a large rock about the size of an adult pony’s head. It sparkled as the rain poured down on it. Quartz, if Cheerilee wasn’t mistaken. She spent the better part of an hour lugging it back to Snip’s home while the two colts chattered away, circling around her.

“How nice of you to do this for my boy, Miss Cheerilee.” Snips’ mother said.

“All part of being a teacher!” Cheerilee forced a smile for the portly mare who shared similar colors to her son. “I’m always eager to help my students!”

“Bring it over here.” Snips’ mother pointed towards the garage and inside was a large collection of rocks of varying sizes. Some precious stones were among them, but most were shiny rocks that caught Snips’ attention. Cheerilee unloaded the heavy rock off her back without much care if it got damaged. She stretched, dragging the rock back had done a number on her poor back.

“Now, what do you say?” Snips’ mother said towards the two colts.

“Thanks, Miss Cheerilee.” The two colts replied.

“Would you like some lemonade, dear?” Snips’ mother asked. “I just made a fresh batch yesterday.”

“No thanks.” Cheerilee stretched some more, trying to restore some feeling in her poor back. “I really must be going.”

“A shame.” Ship’s mother replied. “Another time, then.” The two colts and the mother waved as Cheerilee departed. The teacher smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes and she ran through the rain. Her adventure had placed her on the other side of Ponyville.

Her poncho was soaking wet by the time she entered her house, and she placed it over her bathtub so it could dry off. Soon, she was sipping hot cocoa and considering today’s events. The persistent itch was becoming worse, threatening to burst. She hated how it had made her irritable all day, but she resolved herself that it would soon go away. Tonight, she’d begin plans in earnest for her newest weeding session.

Now began her favorite and least favorite part. She enjoyed the planning part, but nabbing the weeds would prove more difficult. The slightest mistake or misstep might ruin everything and expose her. A random pony on the street might accidentally run across her and become suspicious when they got a better look at the pony-shaped bag she was carrying. Or the weed might choose to take a different route that day, one which Cheerilee hadn’t anticipated. By their nature, ponies were unpredictable. The possibility for disaster and triumph went hoof and hoof.

“Yet, this is necessary.” Cheerilee refused to let these difficulties stop her from her rightful and righteous duties. Her class was depending on her. Without the weeds choking them, they would truly flourish. The work was ugly but necessary for everypony’s sake.