Adventures in Equestria.

I feel it is important to talk about my mental health. It is a wreck, I am lost, alone, and fighting for my survival. There have been no breaks and I’m tired.

Also not having anyone to communicate this too makes it even worse. I have had this pent up inside now for almost 4 weeks. My only break and interactions are with the wooden wolf which is all about murder and survival or when I had found Apple. Apple was nice and easy to communicate with. Now she is no substitute for an actual conversation but I think she would have made a good pet like a smart dog. That is to say, if those crazy Horses didn’t try and burst in and destroy Edoras.

Talking about that world is insane. First Unicorns can do some sort of making light, and then there are pegasi. Pegasi means that potentially the greek Gods exist which would mean Hera does too. I don’t want to deal with Hera, she is spiteful and can be evil, and if I’m a wanderer then where is Hermes? I feel like I deserve some attention from them. This entire event has already made me doubt my own beliefs. Now if we talk about old Norse gods I might have a chance to go to Valhalla soon because of these damn ponies and monsters.

I just question my reality cause one day I was waking up doing tests and wanting to die from homework and barely making it through the week. Then the next day I’m in a field being chased by a beast. This feels surreal and fake in many ways. While everything acts normally here in the forest it feels brighter. For those that wear glasses and contacts, it is like having the entire world come into focus with a new set of lenses. Speaking of that, I normally wear glass, they are blocky and strong to resist punishment but recently I haven’t needed them at all. I don’t want to say my eyesight is improving but it feels like it.

Getting back on topic I want to hear someone talk. They could say, “Hello” or even “Fuck you”, I wouldn’t care. This is how desperate I am. I miss my family, my girlfriend, my friends. They all must think I’ve gone missing or been abducted, I feel sorry for them. Cause in a way I hope they think I’m dead cause then they get some level of closure. Missing person cases can drag on for weeks into months into years. Shit… I really hope they don’t go through all my stuff cause while I’m not hiding much. There are some things I like to keep under the rug.

How did people survive so long on their own? Like honest questions here, they must not be sane after. There is no way they can because I’m feeling it after 2 fortnights little alone years that some have. To try and keep my mind together I have taken to singing songs, Les Miserable, Phantom of the Opera, Queen., the Beatles, I’d try rap but I can’t rap at all. I do sing some other stuff too but I am struggling to remember songs to sing. I really want to listen to some 60s and 90s rock. It just feels like it is slipping away. I also don’t even want to imagine what my math skills will be like if I get back cause those are not in high demand right now.

I should also touch on how I feel like I have been dreaming differently. I was never one to remember much from my dreams but now I feel like I remember whole parts and to a degree, I’m more aware that I’m there in the moment. For example, I was dreaming about a double whopper from Burger King and I thought about how yummy a milkshake would be, and boom there it was. A nice thick chocolate milkshake with whip cream and cherry on top. To test it further I even thought about fries and there they came. Before I knew it I was eating and drowning in food, a double don, bacon cheeseburger, cheese frenchies, chili dogs, double cake milkshake, biscuits and gravy, steak, barbecue chicken, ribs, corn on the cob and so much more. It was such a delicious dream. Now waking up was incredibly depressing but my point still stands that I don’t remember stuff like this normally. It has to be because I’m out here alone and my brain is trying to rationalize it.

Something else no one talks about is that you have to use the latrine at some point and it needs to be done not infrequently. To establish a place where you plan to do it. Personally, I dug a hole as far from my water supply as I could but also near the old garden. The plan is to in the spring to move some of my shit to the garden and use it as fertilizer. Now I’m worried about some of the illnesses related to that but I need fertilizer and so I’m going to pull a Mark Watney on this. If you haven’t read, listened or watched the Martian, do so. It is an incredibly well-done novel and movie. I’d also recommend his other book, Artemis while I’m at this.

Regardless, I'm going crazy. My laptop and phone have been dead since day one so they are useless. So my only reading is the few books I have. The bible is only the new testament and the constitution is dry but even drier is my physics textbook. So those aren’t much use in keeping me sane. Admiralty not much is at this point.