Dangly Bits

Sunset Shimmer awaited them on the other side. She had insisted on coming to any portal usages, no matter how small.

Spike had wanted to protest, as it was a very personal matter. But the more he thought about it, literally every other male he knew had their masculinity practically paraded around at all hours of the day. So he didn’t really have any need for modesty for the situation.

Spike stumbled out of the portal, switching from two legs to four. While Starlight lurched out, switching from four legs to two.

Sunset Shimmer gave a quick hello before hastily going back to her phone to turn off all the alarms that triggered when the portal was used.

“Hello Sunset! Like I said in the journal, this will be a very quick trip. Spike, you can go ahead and check what you need to.”

“What exactly are you checking?" asked Sunset. "You were really vague about it.”

Spike took the opportunity and scurried to the other side of the statue for some privacy.

“Well it’s kind of a personal matter for Spike and I don’t think he wants to share exactly.”

The soft night lights from the school and the glow of the moon were enough for him to see. He tilted his head downwards as far as it could go, surprised by just how flexible it was.

His snout came face to face with his own dick.

Relief flooded him completely. He had a penis! He was male! Everything was going to be just fine!

He stared at his dick for a moment longer, but then became a little confused as he stared in between his legs more. He didn’t seem to have that pouch that the male stallions, griffons, yaks, literally every creature seemed to have. There was supposed to be a nice dangly pouch with two balls right at the base of his penis. But… it wasn’t there.

Spike gave an involuntary whimper.

Starlight and Sunset started walking over. And the second Spike saw them he sat down on his haunches.

“Are you okay Spike?” asked Starlight.

Spike whimpered. “Somethings wrong with me.”

“What’s going on?” asked Sunset.

“Is it alright if I tell her?” asked Starlight.

Spike nodded, tears were attempting to creep into his eyes.

“Spike won’t find out if he’s male or female for another couple of decades because dragon puberty is super slow. So we came here so he could get some closure on whether he’s a he. I figured that since the human world version of him was a dog, so it would be pretty clear what gender he is.”

Sunset Shimmer paused to drink in that strange information, “Okay… well… that does make sense.”

“What seems to be the problem, Spike?” asked Starlight. ”Do you need some help identifying yourself?”

Spike stared at the grass for a few moments before finally rolling over, exposing himself completely.

“Hey! You’re a boy! That’s what you wanted, right?” said Starlight.

“I’m missing… missing…” said Spike, but he couldn’t say what.

“Oh…” said Starlight. “Sunset, male mammals in this universe do have testicles, right?”

Sunset stared at Spike. “They’re supposed to… yes.”

Spike whimpered, hiding his eyes with his paws. “What does it mean that I don’t have any?”

Starlight stared at Sunset, bewildered.

“Oh! You might have been fixed,” said Sunset, snapping her fingers. “That’s gotta be be it!”

“What does fixed mean!?” asked Starlight.

“Y’know… sometimes the humans here don’t like their dogs getting too friendly so they ‘fix’ them.”

“That’s horrible!” said Starlight.

“It’s kind of the norm here…” said Sunset.

“But how has Spike been neutered!?” asked Starlight. “He’s a dragon! Did something happen in Equestria that—“

“I don’t think it’s that,” said Sunset. “Don’t freak out, this is okay. Let me just call Twilight real fast and I think we can sort this out.”

Spike stayed sprawled on his back. He didn’t know what to think. He was a male? But not completely a male? What even was this!?

“Hey Twilight,” Sunset talked into something that Spike couldn’t see. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“Yeah I know I’m supposed to text, but this was kind of an emergency.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, this is kind of a strange question. But trust me it is important. So don’t be too weirded out, okay? Alright.”

“Your dog Spike. Is he… ‘fixed?’”

“Yes, the status of your dog's testicles is important enough to call you in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah... Yeah... I know. Okay, I promise I’ll explain in the morning.”

“Okay that’s what I needed to know. Thank you so much!”

Spike heard a clasping sound as Sunset put the phone away. Sunset breathed in and out.

“So… Twilight’s dog has been fixed,” said Sunset. “What I think that means for Spike the dragon is that you inherit perfectly what your human-world counterpart has gone through.

“I think this actually explains quite a bit. I have this nasty scar on my leg that’s been there for forever, but I didn’t get it in Equestria. It must have come from the human version of me. So we take on whatever injuries or conditions our counterpart has.

“So… Spike the dog doesn’t have testicles, so Spike the Dragon turned dog also doesn’t have testicles.”

Sunset bit her lip.

“But that doesn’t mean anything for your dragon self, Spike. You’re fine!”

Spike rolled over, hiding what he was lacking. “I’d like to go home now,” said Spike.

“Of course!” said Starlight. “We can head back now.”

Sunset stared at them. “I’m sorry, Spike. I’m sure things will be okay.”

Spike walked into the portal, his tail tucked between his legs, hiding what wasn’t there.

The portal extruded him back into his normal dragon self. He probably should have savored being a dog more. At least he had had a penis. That was something. He stared down between his legs, and it was just as bare as ever.

He could hear Starlight coming through the portal.

“Spike, let’s talk a min—“

But Spike had already shut the door and scampered away.

Spike laid on his bed in his own room, clutching himself at where his masculinity should have been.

Sunset had tried to reassure him that he wasn’t neutered. That was just Twilight’s Dog. Not him. Not Spike the dragon.

But wasn’t he already neutered? He didn’t have testicles. Tartarus, he didn’t have a penis either.

But he was male! He’d get a penis someday. That was good news. It was okay. He was okay. He was not female! Wasn’t that a success? Wasn’t that exactly what he wanted?

But then why did it feel so much worse?

Because he wasn’t male yet.

He’d be male a few decades from now. It was a relief that that was the case. He probably should have been grateful to find out so quickly compared to every other dragon his age.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. He had felt such intense relief when he had seen his own penis staring back at him, and then the rush of horror of not having a pair. That was where the actual procreation capability happened, wasn’t it? He was male but he couldn’t have offspring?

What had they done to that poor dog Spike? That dog could talk now, right? How did he feel about not having any testicles?

Spike had been fine with the human world before this. The adventures there with Twilight had even been fun.

But now everything there felt tainted and terrifying.

If that’s what they did to their dogs, what would they do to a dragon?

Spike shivered.

What if Sunset had been lying, and the neutered Spike in the human world meant that he was completely infertile in this one?

One of the few things that had helped unpack his unresolved parent issues was the happy thought that someday he'd be different. It didn't matter what dragon culture was, he was going to raise his hatchlings the pony way: by actually being there.

What a shocking concept. Actually being there. And Spike was going to be an awesome father.

Except if he was infertile. Then no power of imagination could come up with young drakes of his own.

But did it really matter? He could help orphan dragons like him. He didn't have to be biologically related.

It sure would be nice if they were though.

Spike sighed.

What if the reason Spike was even a dog on the other side was because he was a baby dragon over here? Perhaps a century from now, if he walked through that portal he'd be a completely intact male human.

Were there human Celestia’s and Luna’s in the human world constantly reincarnating while the immortal princesses reigned in Equestria?

There were too many questions he didn't know the answer to.

Checking his sex in the human world was supposed to resolve all this gender angst, not exponentially multiply it.