Dangly Bits

Spike had an awful dream that night that he was a dog in the other world. Everything was fine until he stopped and moved his head down to examine himself. He was missing a crucial part of his body.

He sniffed as if the smell would reveal something. He reached down with his paws and grasped himself, as if he’d feel an invisible organ that would set this whole situation right. His testicles weren’t there and they were supposed to be. He whimpered. What had they done to him?

He woke up with his eyes wet and his claws wrapped tightly around his crotch. His claws kept fumbling around looking for anywhere his genitals were supposed to be, but all he felt was… nothing. Just smooth scales.

He whimpered and let the sad thoughts overtake him.

The follow-up visit with Starlight Glimmer went about as well as sticky grape jelly on a cat being thrown out a window. The cat would land on its feet, but would it regret that? When there was a nice ground to crash into oblivion into?

“Spike? Are you still there?”

Starlight was waving a hoof in front of his eyes.

Spike shook his head, trying to get thoughts of grape flavored cats out of his head.

“Y—yeah, I’m… uhh…”

Starlight looked at Spike expectantly.

Spike looked down between his legs, and then quickly moved his eyes elsewhere. There was a nice picture of a cat holding onto a branch. Was there a bit of purple smudged on that cat? Was that where he had gotten that idea from?

Starlight took a sip of tea.

“No, I’m not fine,” Spike finally said.

“That’s okay!” said Starlight. “I mean—to not be fine. Sometimes things are just uncomfortable.”

Spike stared between his legs. “I just… I was hoping for some closure with the whole human world thing.” In his head he also thought about Pathos, which had been uncomfortable, terrifying and a waste of time. “I mean—whatever happens… it’s going to be another eighty years. Another eighty years just like I am now. I mean, I’ll probably grow more but… I’ll still get called little girl. Nothing’s gonna change there.”

Starlight nodded.

“I mean—is it so weird that I’d like to have a dick like every other male in Ponyville?”

Starlight shrugged, “that makes a lot sense to me.”

“But it’s not like they just sell dicks at a store,” said Spike, staring between his legs.

“Only a very select few stores,” said Starlight.

Spink blinked and his eyes flitted back to Starlight for the first time in minutes. “What?”

“Twilight keeps you pretty out of the loop when it comes to sexual things, right?”

“I read that anatomy book Twilight got for me, it’s not like there’s more to sex than that.”

Starlight bit her lip. “Okay, you have been rather sheltered, and that’s probably a good thing seeing as how your own sexual maturity won’t happen for a while. So… err… suffice it to say that yes, there are places you may be able to buy a dick… a strap-on set of masculinity if you will. What I’m trying to get at here is: would you like an artificial set of genitals? Would that make you feel more comfortable?”

Spike’s claws tightened around his knees.

“A… a fake set? I don’t even know what that would look like? Much less… I… I don’t know.”

Spike blushed, imagining a comically large plastic penis suddenly attached between his legs that made it hard for him to walk.

“I suppose you may need to see some examples before you can make that kind of decision. But I can also say that these sorts of things are popular for mares transitioning into stallions. You’ve probably seen a few before and not noticed.”

Spike paid far more attention to stallions than was probably okay. There were artificial dicks and he couldn’t tell a difference? “Transitioning?” asked Spike.

“Well… it’s a bit like what you are going through. Your current biological reality is up in the air, but you would like for other creatures to recognize you pass as being male. And you love the idea of being male, correct?"

Spike nodded.

“Well, there are mares that transition to be stallions. And vice-versa—there are stallions that transition to become mares.”

“Wait, so if there’s mares that want to be stallions, and stallions that want to be mares. Can’t some unicorn just swap body parts and make everypony happy?”

Starlight’s face went red, “That’s not how biology works. At all. But spells certainly do help with the transition process. And the genitals aren’t often the hardest part. It’s mostly surgeries to make a muzzle more masculine or feminine. As well as a ton of vocal practice to sound right.

“At least that’s how it is for transitioning ponies. You probably don’t need to go to any extremes. Perhaps just… try on some penises and see if that makes you feel more comfortable.”

Spike’s first thoughts were of some strange contraption attached to his groin. He frowned at the idea. But then he looked at it differently. He could be male. He could be male outwardly in the way that a century from now he hoped he would be inwardly. It was a surprisingly happy thought, up until the moment he stepped outside his bedroom door to see looks of shock from absolutely every creature.

“I don’t think I could wear something like that in public,” Spike blushed.

“I know it might take a bit of getting used to, but if it makes you more comfortable with yourself, it might be worth a shot.”

“But it would look really, really weird,” Spike rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’m gonna let you in on a secret that only mares know,” said Starlight conspiratorially. “Are you ready?”

Spike nodded.

“ALL dicks look really weird. They just do. You getting an artificial one isn’t going to look any less weird than all those other ones.”

“Yes, but male dragons don’t have dicks, at least not outward ones.”

“Absolutely nopony even knows that though. If a dragon walked into Ponyville with male genitals, nopony would bat an eye. Literally every other male species trotting around Ponyville has one, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all.”

“Yes… but… I…” Spike was running out of excuses. It was such a ludicrous proposition. But why did the idea of being outwardly male, even artificially, feel so pleasant? What was wrong with him?

“I mean, if you feel like it wouldn’t make you feel more comfortable, I’ll drop it. But I think at least trying something on may do you some good.”

“I… I could at least try something on,” said Spike.

Starlight smiled, “Let’s get you feeling like the gender you are.”

Starlight had taken him away from Canterlot station and into a part of the city he had never seen before. It was Canterlot’s usual enigmatic winding roads and shops. And Spike was feeling extremely nervous about this particular outing.

“Uhh… Starlight, have you been to this shop before?” asked Spike as he walked along the road with her.

“Not really, I’ve heard it mentioned from some friends of mine who transitioned. And he let me know that it was somewhere in this part of the city. We’re looking for a shop called ‘Elegant Preferences.’”

“So have you been to this part of the city at all?” said Spike. Something about being this nervous made him really need to get to a bathroom.

“Nope.”

“Ah, alright,” Spike said, as they continued walking along. What was with cities and there not being any bathrooms anywhere!?

Spike spotted one of the royal guards ahead. They were usually good to have information about whatever part of the city they were in. Spike walked up to the guard. “Umm… excuse me sir, do you know where the bathrooms are in this part of town?”

The stallion stared at Spike for a moment, and pointed a hoof at one of the shops. “The fillies room is in that pharmacy in the back of the store.”

“No—I mean the uhh…” Spike tried to say, but it didn’t come out right at all. He should have just said ‘stallions room’ and this problem would have been solved. But it didn’t matter, if a store had a mare’s room, it would have a stallion's room.

A few minutes later, Spike was more refreshed. He was also chewing gum because the store required that he spend something in order to use the bathrooms and the single bit required for the gumball machine was the cheapest thing he could buy.

When had Canterlot become so absolutely terrible? I mean—it’s a bathroom. Surely the societal good of free bathrooms outweighed the madness of requiring spending to use them. A part of him wanted to write a message on the toilet paper and send it to Celestia, demanding a royal decree of free bathrooms.

He was lucky that he had only accidentally sent Celestia toilet paper once. And he was more lucky that the sneeze had happened before he had used it.

Spike shook his head violently. It was just another embarrassing thought from the archive.

And now he was about to face so many more.

“I think this is it,” said Starlight, standing in front of a rather nondescript shop.

Spike stared at the storefront. It was white with elegant lettering on the shop sign. Posters on the outside showed happy stallions and mares chatting amicably. It really could have been advertising anything.

“Spike, I’m going to go inside and check a few things out before I have you come in with me. That okay?”

“Uhh… alright,” Spike said.

Starlight entered the shop, a small bell announced her arrival.

Spike stood outside, awkwardly examining the posters for the shop. There were ponies playing volleyball, swimming, practicing dentistry. Two mares were smiling while enthusiastically hugging each other. Spike didn’t know quite what to make of that poster.

There were quite a few ponies milling around and Spike paced back and forth a little more ways away from the shop.

Miraculously, the door finally opened and Starlight nodded for Spike to come in. The front of the store was very small, with white paint all over the place and various streaks of color filling in little rectangles every so often.

“Is this Spike?” asked someone. Spike turned his head and saw a unicorn that—well… Spike wanted to call her a mare, but he wasn’t quite sure. She had a beard with glitter all over it, but she did not have sheath so... what did that mean exactly?

“Yes, this is him,” smiled Starlight.

“Welcome to Elegant Preferences, Spike. My name is Elegance, nice to meet you,” he (she?) put out a hoof.

“Nice to meet you too,” said Spike. To his relief Spike saw a button on Elegance’s vest saying ‘she/her’ pronouns. He could use a similar button too.

“Let’s all sit over here for a moment,” said Elegance, leading them to a few couches at the front of the store. “I like to make sure our clients are comfortable. Can I get you some tea?”

“No thank you,” said Spike. He was pretty sure he would spill it the way he was feeling right now.

“I’ll take some tea!” said Starlight.

Well if Starlight was going to get tea then he might as well get some too? But it was too late to say anything. Why did Starlight take the tea offer? What is wrong with her? Spike shook his head.

A minute later Elegance and Starlight were sipping on tea, while Spike sat on his claws, trying not to be nervous. Which of course made him more nervous. He really wanted to go to the bathroom, but he had just gone less than ten minutes ago so it was really just nerves.

“Spike, just to confirm. What is your age?” asked Elegance.

“Twenty-two.”

“Alright,” nodded Elegance. “I'd like to get to know where you are on your personal journey. Starlight says you are interested in a packer.”

“A... Packer?”

“Yes, oh, you may not be familiar with the term. It's a male set of prosthetic genitals, usually for mares exploring transitioning into stallions. Do you understand?”

Spike nodded.

"Is there any other gender affirming care you're looking for? I know a great vocal coach."

"Uhh... I think my voice is already in a good spot," said Spike.

"It doesn't look like you have hair so I'm assuming facial hair isn't something you're interested in?"

"I-- huh..." said Spike. He did have a rather silly beard we wore for O&O games. And he did look spectacular with a mustache. "Uhh... not right now, but I'll keep that in mind for the future."

"And I take it you're just exploring right now, so no muzzle or other surgeries to plan for quite yet?"

"No, no surgeries. Just umm... gonna uhh... try things out."

“Alright then, do you have any ideas for what kind of packer you're looking for?”

Spike coughed, “uhh… well… umm… I’d like something.”

Elegance waved her hoof, gesturing for him to continue.

Spike blushed. “Something uhh… dragon-like?”

Elegance furrowed her eyebrows. “Can you describe that?”

“Uhh…” Spike said. “To be honest, no... I have no idea.”

It was silent for a few moments.

“I can work with that,” said Elegance. “It sounds like you may need to see our stock. Perhaps that would be helpful?”

Spike nodded, not sure what he was agreeing to.

“Okay,” said Elegance. “Follow me.”

The wall at the front of the store hid the back room which was full of—there was no other way to describe this—dicks. Of all kinds. They all had different colors. Some were just sheathes with balls. Some with just balls. Some that were quite erect. And some were larger than even Big Mac’s.

There were vulvas too, but those were less important to him.

Starlight took a quick glance around the room, and then rooted herself to the back wall. Spike wanted to run out of the room screaming, but he somehow kept his cool.

“Look over some of these, Spike,” said Elegance. “I can make whatever color you would prefer. Just give me an idea of what you might be comfortable wearing.”

Spike steered himself to a section of some of the smallest sets. After a few moments he was staring at a few that had a sheath and balls.

“Umm… maybe one of these?” Spike said, a question forming in his voice.

“Feel free to grab whichever one you’d like and try them on like you would any other article of clothing.”

Spike frowned, grabbing the smallest set on the rack. It was squishy in his claws, which sent shivers down his spine. He shouldn’t be there. What was he thinking? This was ridiculous.

Spike took the set and then put it down below between his legs where he thought it should be.

“There’s a small magical adhesive that’ll keep it in place. You can attach it, it’s okay.”

Spike felt the set attach. And it was… awkwardly wonderful.

He took a few steps, feeling the weight of the testicles between his legs. The sheath attached itself to a little under his belly, which was a bit more upright than he had expected. Though if he was a stallion that was standing up, this is what a sheath would do.

Spike paced around the room, feeling the way his balls slightly swayed, and how his legs brushed against the scrotum with every step.

Spike made his way to a mirror at the edge of the room. He stared at himself for quite some time. The set was a garish hot pink, and the testicles still seemed too large for himself, though the sheath felt very comfortable against his lower stomach.

“Wow,” said Spike. An odd feeling of being whole—a completeness swept over him. It felt so natural, so right for him to have this. He felt so comfortable with the weight down there exactly where it should be.

“That is quite the smile, Spike,” said Elegance. ”Helping others experience gender euphoria is incredible.”

Gender euphoria? He had never heard the term before but... Wow. That... This must be it. It felt so calming and comforting to finally be outwardly the way he felt inwardly. Spike nodded.

“I am so glad you love it, but feel free to test it a little more. Is that the set for you?”

He reached down, cupping himself, feeling everything. And the comfortable feelings faded into a gnawing sensation that this was close but not quite right. The texture didn’t fit a dragon at all. It was a set for a stallion and it had that fleshy quality to it. He needed something with similar scales to his own. This felt like it was about right, but so much wasn’t quite right.

“What do you think?” asked Elegance.

“I—I like it!” said Spike. “But uhh… I’ll need some modifications. Do you have a smaller set of testicles, but same sheath size? And do you think you can make some scales for it, preferably in a light green like me?”

“That all sounded doable up until the scales,” frowned Elegance. “Off the top of my head I can think of a few materials that may work for scales. But that would require a few trips back and forth to make something custom.”

“How many trips?” asked Spike.

“That depends,” said Elegance. “Where are you all from?”

“Ponyville,” said Starlight, eager to offer something of value to the conversation.

“Ah, Ponyville has a great mare to work with on custom genital services. Hold on, let me get you her card.”

Spike breathed out. He was going to have to go through this with another mare? Why weren’t there any actual stallions that worked with fake stallion genitals!? Though the more Spike thought about it, Elegance probably used to be a stallion. Which, was wonderful for her. But he couldn’t help but think about how that transition might’ve gone. He thought of the neutered Spike in the human world and clenched his eyes together. He reached down, expecting his own smooth scales.

To his shock, he was still wearing the genitals so there actually was something there to touch. It felt completely relieving to have something there. It was like having physical evidence that he was male, and… okay? He felt calmer having a set of his own. He was so used to stallions walking around every day. But now… he had a set too. If only they were actually his set. The transition from scales to whatever pony thing he was wearing was too much contrast.

Spike shook his head.

Spike looked up and saw Elegance enter the room. Creatures are different, and have very different perspectives and preferences, and that was okay.

Elegance held aloft in front of him a completely violet card with white lettering.

“This is the mare you should talk to,” said Elegance. “She has done absolutely fabulous work in the past. I daresay a real leader in the field. If any pony could tackle a scaly version of what you’re looking for, she’ll be the mare.”

Elegance hoofed the card to Spike. To his horror, the card said “Rarity’s Boutique: Custom Gender Solutions.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Spike.