I’m trying

So as we left off, I’m currently in front of Twilight in the entrance of her library home. Kicking the snow from my boots off onto her rug, I also remove my coat and place it on the coat rack beside me. A few customers remain still around me, eyes locked in my direction like fearful doe. The attention is discomforting yet I don’t let it distract me from my purpose here.

“How’s it going Twi?”

She remains dazed at my appearance then shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. “I heard you were..” she lowers her voice after looking around, “doing really bad after what happened. Are you okay?”

“Well I wouldn’t be here now if I wasn’t” Looking back to the prying eyes I frown in displeasure. “Could we maybe take this to the other room real quick?”

“Y-yea of course, hold on” Getting up she moves over to work with the ponies still inside.

Faintly I can make out their conversation as I move to the living quarters of her home. “Is he.. like safe? Cause I really worry about-“

It’s all I’m able to make out, shutting the door behind me with a sigh.

“Joey! Hey dude whatcha doing here?” Spike hurries his way over to me with excitement.

“Hey I was looking for you too! What do you say about making today our operation lovesick dragon?” He stares confused for a moment.

“Are you talking about the whole Rarity horde thing from like a month ago? I thought you were pulling my leg”

“What? No! As a matter of fact, I’ve been planing and scheming this whole time” he seems reluctant.

“Twilight said something really bad happened to you and that I shouldn’t bring it up but-“

“But your bringing it up” he goes to apologize but I lift my hand to stop him. “Listen, all you need to worry about is getting your scaly ass a one way ticket into Rarity’s heart. So let’s take all other distractions out of the way for now, okay?” He nods.

“Okay... sorry”

“Stop being such a worry wart, gosh. Twilight must be rubbing off on you..”

He crosses his stubby arms, “I’m not a worry wart, now what’s your big plan?”

Smiling as I walk past him, I grab a glass from the cupboard and pour myself some water. “Let’s hold the questions until we get going”

He puffs some smoke from his nose in frustration, “Fine but it better be good”

“Of course it’ll be good! It’s from me isn’t it?”

“That isn’t reassuring” I chuckle at his remark.

No.. no it’s not

A sound draws our attention back toward the entrance, Twilight entering the room with a concerned look.

“So how are you feeling? Has Pinkie been too much or-“ hearing Pinkies name draws a blush to my face, I look away briefly.

“Oh I’m getting better... and Pinkies been great... really great”

“Well that’s nice to hear!” She fiddles with her hooves a little.

“I assume your wondering why I’m here?” She nods. “Do you remember our promise about a month ago? The one about Spike having Rarity as part of his horde?”

Thinking for a moment revelation hits her eyes, “Oh yeah! You said if something went wrong you’d be a participant with my studies for a week!”

“Shit, I did say that didn’t I”

She smiles approaching me, “Don’t worry, I got a book for you on dragon genetics and what to avoid” then proceeds to offer me a book from the nearby shelf.

I push it away gently, “Trust me I got this, there is absolutely no need for any worry. We’ll just work our magic into making Spikey wikey a real gentleman-“

“Gentlestallion” she corrects.

“Gentlestallion... and then Rarity will be wooed right into his arms. Also gentlestallion? Do you realize how that’s not inclusive to all races?” I say the last part with a nerdy lisp.

She giggles, “Just trying to make you sound smarter”

I puff my cheeks, “I like myself the way I am thank you very much!” It’s not entirely a lie.

“Yes, we all like you for staying true to yourself Joey but, somethings are import to know. How else are you supposed to meet with ponies in Canterlot if you don’t speak properly”

“Let’s just hope I don’t ever have to talk like some snooty noble, plus Lulu likes the way I talk and she’s a fuckin Princess” she scrunches her nose at my vocabulary.

“I’m assuming Lulu is Princess Luna?”

“Yep! She’s pretty cool if ya get to know her”

“I wouldn’t doubt that, Celestia is one of the most interesting ponies I know. The knowledge and experiences they’ve went through is so extensive! It’s always fascinating to hear her talk about the Naponyeon wars of-“ Twi begins to geek off, words beyond my understanding. “You should talk with her sometime and learn about Equestrian history!”

“I’ll pass for now, actually I’ve been meaning to ask you. How do I get to Canterlot? I’d like to surprise Luna sometime and show up to the castle” While that idea would be the initial start of my plan, the next step would be getting her help to enter Celestia’s private library.

“Well there’s a couple of ways really. You could get a train ticket there or have somepony teleport you there but, molecular displacement is beyond my current abilities”

“So I take a train?”

“Yea... I guess you could only take a train” she appears embarrassed a little at her pointless added explanation.

“Silly Twi, always trying to convert me into nerdship, maybe next time” I ruffle her bangs.

She shakes her head knocking away my hand flushed, “It doesn’t hurt to know all of your possibilities!”

“Your real cute when you get all flustered Twi” her blush intensifies.

“Are you two going to keep flirting or are we going to do this?” Spike speaks up impatiently.

“Oops sorry” I chuckle, “We’re gonna get going Twi, see you later. If I’m back early things probably went well”

She’s smiles back, “See you two, and be smart!”

“Wow okay mom”

After shutting the door, we wrap ourselves up and brace for the cold. Stepping outside it’s still early in the day, the sun raised as much as it can for a winter month. We make our way toward the Carousel Boutique, Rarity’s home. Silence covers most the journey until Spike speaks up.

“Do you like Twilight?”

My face quickly switches to embarrassment, “W-what? Where did that come from?”

“Well you seem like you two get along really well. Plus Twilight is... she’s like a mother to me but, I trust you to date her if you feel that way” Spike speaks without any awareness of the situation.

“Dude your saying shit that’s just not normal to say out loud!” I look away watching my breath with each exhale. “... I appreciate the trust though” he looks over to me with a large grin. “I’m not admitting to liking her or anything though! Actually why are we even talking about me, it’s your big day anyways!”

Spike laughs at my reaction, “Alright so what’s your plan?”

“My plan.... is...” I stop myself to think, scratching my facial hair as we walk.

“Wait you don’t even have a plan?”

“Of course I do, we’re gonna...”

“I can’t believe I thought you had a plan...”

“Oh I know! What about we get you some gemstones and increase your horde or whatever and then once you’ve grown some Rarity is sure to be impressed with your new hot bod!”

He shakes his head, “No we can’t do that, I can’t control myself the larger my horde gets... trust me I’ve had experience”

“Couldn’t I just stop you?”

He chuckles, “Yea sure, good luck stopping me when I’m almost your size. Dragons are much more dangerous the larger they get even in small changes”

“Ptfft I’m sure I could stop you”

He stops to look at me with a serious stare, “Trust me”

I’m taken aback a little but regain my composure, “Okay so maybe no to that idea but let’s not throw it completely away” he seems frustrated with my ignorance but brushes it off. “What about we trick Rarity into dressing you up and getting you all handsome and with some forced alone time you can put on the moves or something”

“I don’t get what you mean”

“First we say you need a suit, we say that your going to... Canterlot! Yes Canterlot with me and that you’ll need a suit. Then when you two are alone or she’s doing your measurements you flirt with her some, maybe throw out the idea of a date-“

“How would making me wear a suit make her think any different of me? Plus I don’t have any skill with flirting!”

I sigh, “Look, I’m trying to make things work for you alright... I didn’t want to say this but I’m almost positive she doesn’t see you in that way because of your age”

“But I’m 18!”

“Yes and for ponies they’re not able to give consent til 21 so your like a damn 15 year old to her” I come off a little too harsh, souring the drakes mood.

“...maybe your right, maybe I should just squash this stupid crush until I’m older” he looks up to me with a fake smile, “I’m sure I’ll move on anyways... I mean a pony and a dragon?”

His words hit me deep, I’m ashamed of my actions. “Spike... ignore what I said. I’m just some angry guy who doesn’t understand what he’s talking about or what he’s doing half the time. To be honest, you shouldn’t take any advice from me at all”

“Why not? The girls seem to think more of you than you give yourself credit”

“Because... I’m going through the motions really. I don’t have a plan or a future, hell I don’t even know what’s right anymore but if there’s one thing I’m certain of-“ I place my hand on his shoulder, kneeling down to meet him. “It’s that what you feel is real buddy so let’s make this thing happen alright?”

“..alright”

“What’s that? I can’t hear you”

“Alright”

“Little louder!”

“ALRIGHT!” He yells fire bursting from inside him, the light it emits faintly visible from his nostrils and mouth.

“Fuck yea! Now you said your down for this right? So how about this, we do the Canterlot idea but, when your trying on the clothes I’ll use my silvery tongue to woo Rarity on your behalf”

“But that’s not natural!” His face conflicted.

“Sure it is, I mean plenty of people now have a friend put in the good word. It’s called a wingman”

“You realize you just said people right? Not ponies?” His eyebrow raised.

“And there’s a first for everything. Let me be Equestria’s first wingman”

He thinks about it for a moment as we reach Rarity’s home, turning to me before knocking. “Fine, let’s try it out”

He knocks the door and patiently waits. I lean over and whisper to him, “Plus if this works out she might be considered part of your horde or whatever and you’ll grow to her preference”

He whispers back with anger, “We don’t know her preference!”

At this moment the door opens to the Carousel Boutique revealing a small unicorn filly, white in color with a pink and purple mane. She looks familiar though I cannot remember where from.

“Hiya Spike! And who’s... eep!” She hides behind the door at the sight of me, peeking around to look.

“Sweetie Belle, this is Joey. You might have heard of him from Rarity before right? He’s the human that lives here”

“B-but.. he’s kind of scary and I heard some nasty things about him from other ponies!” Her words don’t bother me at all, it’s just misinformation and I can easily prove to her I’m a cool guy.

“It’s alright if she doesn’t trust me, I’ll just wait outside until you get Rarity” I say with a smile.

This seems to make her feel a little guilty, “Wait.. I’m sorry, my friend Scootaloo already talked to you before. She said you seemed okay... and Rarity says I shouldn’t judge a pony by what others say before meeting them myself!”

Thats a little ironic coming from Rarity

“Great! So is your sister here right now?”

Wait her sister? She has a little sister? Why doesn’t anypony tell me about this stuff

“Yea, I can go get her. You two can come in and wait” Politely I motion for Spike to go first, following after past the frightened filly.

We sit in the waiting room, several fragrances attack my nose. Most of the inside is congested, items of various silks and materials cover the floor along with large purple curtains over the windows. It’s much darker in here than most homes, the once source of light a large chandelier that hangs in the middle of the room. I get a familiar feeling inside here as I do in a clothing store. Looking over to Spike I can see the fear and anticipation in his eyes.

“Dude calm down, it’s gonna be fine” trying to settle him down.

“I don’t know, maybe we should’ve gone with the gem idea”

“Didn’t you say that was a terrible idea?”

“Ugh, I’m putting a lot of trust into you here Joey so if things don’t seems like they’re going right just back out okay? I’m okay with waiting things out anyways”

“Alrighty Spikester, if shit don’t feel right I’ll pull out” It takes a second for Spike to chuckle at my last words. “Real mature..”

“My my, two gentlestallions in my own home? And young Mr. Marshall, I heard of what happened and-“ I start making an x with my hands, shaking my head to stop her behind Spikes back. “-and, well I’m glad to see you here today! How’s my little Spikey wikey doing?” She pinches at his cheek.

“It’s a-always lovely uh a lovely day for me when I get to see you”.

Real smooth buster

“Anyways Rarity, me and the little guy here are planning on heading to Canterlot soon and we need proper attire. Now I’ve already got something from you before so I’m all game but my pal Spike here hasn’t anything to wear. Do you mind fitting him today and getting him something ready before the end of the month? I’ll pay for him”

“Oh Canterot you say? Well I haven’t been there in a little bit myself but I will tell you darling that your new haircut is absolutely dashing for the occasion already. Who made such a handsome young pony of you?”

“It was Fluttershy’s idea really so all credit goes to her” brushing my hair with my hand.

“It looks very well on you, now shall we get my Spikey measured? SWEETIE DO YOU MIND COMING IN HERE REAL QUICK?” She yells toward the back room.

From before, the small filly makes her second appearance. “Dearie could you go measure Spike for me? I’ll be back there with you in a moment”

“Sure but I wanna go over to the Apples after!”

“Okay but be quick then, I wouldn’t want to have my dear friends waiting long” Spike looks back to me worried, I give him a wink.

Once alone with the mare she quickly closes the distance and hugs my side, “I am so sorry for what happened to you darling, once I heard what happened I nearly fainted. How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better that’s for sure but, until yesterday I really didn’t get outside much for the last few weeks”

“Well if there’s anything this mare could do for you don’t hesitate to ask”

“Actually I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Spike” She seems to know where this is going, settling down next to me for a seat.

“I know, I know. He’s been head over heels for me for a while now, I’d be foolish not to notice”

I join her sitting down as well, “So what’s the problem? He’s a nice guy and he clearly cares about you”

She sighs, “That’s the problem, you see Spike isn’t... a stallion yet. At least in my eyes, it feels wrong to have any emotions toward him other than motherly love”

Mom zoned?

I scratch my chin thinking for a moment, “I guess I could see how that’s an obstacle”

“Surely you can tell him the truth, I’ve found it much too difficult to convey this, I wouldn’t want to hurt him”

“Do you think you could ever see him a different way?”

“Perhaps when he’s grown some and I don’t mean that physically however, that would be an added bonus for this mare though..” she says with a small smile.

“Could you at least give him a chance? Like one date, you owe him that much at least”

She thinks for a few seconds, “I’m sure you could relate with me when I say this, there are some things you can’t ignore”

“I guess... I mean dating a pony for me would be very strange. Like really strange but, I’m definitely open for it at one point. What I’m trying to say is he’s done so much for you, he’s of age, and you do love him so why not see if there’s anything more to it?”

“When you put it that way I guess I could give it a try, maybe I’ve been ignoring my feelings because I felt like it was wrong”

“And it’s alright to feel like it’s wrong but, you can understand and know that it’s okay right?”

“I guess”

“Alright, so give love a shot!” I cringe at hearing the words leave my mouth.

Rarity giggles, “Aren’t you a one with words, I’ll talk with him once you’ve left”

“That’s great, thanks Rarity for being open about... well all of this”

“Was this the only reason for you two being here?”

“Well no I really do need to go to Canterlot and was wondering if I should wear anything special or?”

“It’s a tourist attraction daring, you can wear whatever but, if you are planning to meet in the castle it would be wise to have formal attire”

I make a mental check note, “Ok I’ll remember that... so should I head out and leave Spike to you?”

“Yes that’ll be fine but could you walk Sweetie Belle to the Apples farm for me? I would hate to have her wait until I’m ready to take her”

“Sure! That’s easy”

“I’m glad to be able to rely on you. Pinkie has said just the most wonderful things about you I was sure I could trust you” once again the mentioning of Pinkie makes me blush.

“Uh.. that’s nice to hear, she didn’t say anything um...”

“Let’s just say you two seem to be very close” she winks.

“Hey Sweetie Belle, Rarity asked if I could walk with you to the Apples so let’s go now!” I can hear the noise of a small pony rushing in our direction.

“And Joey”

“Yea?”

“Do practice safe habits, it would be awfully selfish of you to make Pinkie take time out of her youth for fillycare”

Just then Sweetie bursts through the door with excitement. “Really Mr hooman? Can we go, can we go now?” She looks to Rarity for approval.

“Yep, your sister is going to have her hands full so we should get going as soon as possible” I say while scooping the filly up and placing her over my shoulders in a piggyback.

“Woa, hey I can see everything from up here!” Immediately it seems her fear of me is gone, replaced with excitement of a new found ride.

“See ya Rarity, take care of my boy would ya? He’s real special to me”

“Yes dearie I most certainly will” giggling as she speaks.

Moving forward I exit the house with the filly on board, using my scarf and winter cap to keep her from the cold. She enjoys the ride and even asks me to speed up some as we travel. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having fun. Not much later, we arrive at the farmstead, I set her down on the porch leading up to their entrance and knock on the door. We’re greeted by old Granny Smith, Applejacks grandma who I only remember the name of because our first encounter.

While working on the farm for one of the few times I helped out, when we were on break the old mare snuck up on me and whacked me with a fucking cane! She thought I was some sort of hairless werewolf that was ‘hiding’ out in the farm even though I was right there in the open! Either way that’s not really important to what’s going on now.

Sweetie Belle heads inside and I say my goodbyes with Granny, heading back toward Twilights now to deliver the good news. Not only did nothing go wrong but, I didn’t even need any of my well thought out and crafted plans. It’s not long before I’m back, the sign to the library now saying closed. Walking in I enjoy the welcoming heat of the home, surrounding me with its delightful grace.

“Kinda quiet in here” I say aloud, noticing a distinct lack of nerdy mare.

As I open the door leading upstairs I can faintly hear Twilight doing some sort of organizing. Sneaking up on her, able to get very close until she senses the impending danger. She spins around but, unlike Dash her reflexes are slow allowing me to scoop her up and take her over to the couch.

“J-Joey! What are you doing back so early? And where’s Spike?”

I pin her down under me smirking, “Guess what! Nothing went wrong and those two are probably on a date right now” she turns her head confused.

“Your kidding, like you really pulled it off.. anything nothing went wrong?” I nod yes. “Nothing? Nothing at all?” I nod even harder. She can’t fight back a smile, “I gotta hand it to you, I’m impressed”

“Yep and in payment I’ll be taking some Twilight tickles for not believing in your boy” her eyes widen.

“Wait no that wasn’t pa-“ she interrupted by the most severe of tickles, she can only squirm against my assault. “P-please.. I can’t breath” she struggles to talk, laughing endlessly from my merciless behavior.

I stop once I feel like she needs a break, “You’ve been a very naughty pony”

Twi giggles as she wipes away the tears in here eyes, “Yes I have now let me go or I’m gonna pee myself”

I laugh and hop off her only to be unexpectedly knocked down myself, Twilight taking control of the situation. “Hey! I stopped like you asked!”

“Yes and you didn’t need to tickle me in the first place! That’s wasn’t even part of our deal!”

“I should at least get something, it’s rigged as shit if your the only one to get anything”

“Didn’t you get the satisfaction of helping out a friend” she says sarcastically.

“Real rich coming from the friendship entrepreneur”

“That doesn’t even make sense, how could an individual run a business on friendship?”

I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know, maybe sell a pony one friend for the day and the pony has to do whatever they want... with exceptions of course”

“Hmm, perhaps. That does sound really sad though, couldn’t they make real friends instead?”

“It’s not that easy in my world as it is here” she frowns.

“How many friends did you have before? If your okay with telling me” hesitation in her voice.

Past memories begin to swell my head, it’s not long before I remember that they’re the last I’ll ever have with my friends. It starts to tug at my heart, making me feel sick.

“I had a few, some close, some not. All in all, maybe... 15 legit friends, the rest I would call acquaintances. There was one friend however that it stings the most, we’d been buddies since we were kids... like really young. Around the time I was brought here he wasn’t doing to well and I just hope he’s okay now without me... god I feel like shit for leaving him like that”

Twilight hugs me close, “But you didn’t leave him on purpose!”

“Doesn’t make a difference really... I disappeared. Probably thinks I’m dead” The once great mood had now drastically fell, I notice this quickly and attempt to change the subject. “Let’s talk about something else, what’s Twilight been up to? Reading new books? magical experiments?” I wave my fingers all spooky like.

Clearly still bothered about what I had said earlier, she answers my question anyway. “Truthfully I’ve been looking for a way to fix your issue, I haven’t had any luck though” she looks down with disappointment.

“That’s fine, and you shouldn’t worry about me Twi, I’ll figure this whole thing out myself. Plus I think I got a solid lead” she tilts her head to the side. “Remember that journal you gave me? The one about the origin of pony suicidal behavior? Well I think looking into the stallion who caused all this would be a great start right?”

“Quantum Matter?” She sounds almost disappointed.

“Yea so I figured the only place where I could find more info on him must be Celestia’s own private library. I’m sure she’s got info on all kinds of secret shit in there” Looking over I see Twi bothered by something. “What?”

“Joey Celestia already looked into him the first week your magic showed up... there’s nothing, no leads onto what he did. He never even wrote down the spell he had casted making it impossible to reverse it the normal way”

“Can’t she use some sort of spell and go back in time to see him preform it? Wouldn’t that work?”

“Joey there isn’t a spell for everything... even Starswirl the bearded never figured out time travel that far back”

“So you can time travel?”

“Some ponies can, only the strongest magic users but it’s limited to only a day and even then you can’t change the way things are meant to happen” I begin to feel the hope drain from my body.

“Should we just give up?”

“What? No! I’m sure we can figure something out, I mean the girls and I have solved every issue that’s came our way. Give me time... and I’ll think of something, just some more time is all I need” I can sense her desperation, it’s clear now how unlikely it is for me to fix my issue.

“It’s fine anyways... I mean taking breaks from the collar seems to help out”

“That’s good to hear, so Celestia’s hypothesis was correct!” It’s a small victory to Twi.

“She sure was...” suddenly at this point in dawns on me, how could she know exactly what to do? She’s hiding something isn’t she? This furthers my resolve to get into her library, certain now there’s something that awaits me at my arrival.

Lost in thought Twilight scoots herself in a better position atop of me, getting comfortable and dug in to her human pillow. Glancing down at her sleepy face I can’t help but smile, she’s absolutely adorable.

“Hey Twi?”

“Hmm?”

“You gotta let it go” she opens her eyes at this acting confused.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing I’m holding onto”

I nod my head, “Yes... yes there is, it wasn’t your fault and even if you don’t believe me you know I’ve completely forgiven you”

She closes her eyes again and rubs her face into my chest, “It was so stupid, I can’t believe I let myself be so unprofessional” I start to stroke her mane, listening to her as she speaks. “I mean your an absolute deity to be so forgiving. I might have permanently scarred you and you don’t even want me to fix what I’ve done”

“It’s my problem now and I gave you permission from the start. Being real with you, if you asked permission for whatever you did in the moment I’m positive I would have said sure then too”

She buries her face into me, her messy hair all roughed up from hours of frantic work. Although my hand combats it’s several cowlicks, it’s a losing battle. “I’m such a terrible friend”

“Hey now that’s where we draw the line, your a great friend Twi. You even kept trying to fix my issue even after I told you before to not worry”

“Yes but I know more about magic and this is all my doing so at the least I should be trying to help you”

“And you are-” she lifts her head to look at me. “by being there for me when I fuck up” I smile at her and boop her nose, she scrunches her muzzle at the touch.

“Joey you don’t.. fuck up like I did” the word sounds so foreign leaving her mouth, I can’t help but laugh.

“Heh, that was perfect and yes I do, all the time”

“Name once!”

“Okay... when it was the night I told Pinkie what happened-“ the atmosphere seems to get thick. “... I.. seriously thought about taking my life. I even took that medication you gave me and had enough to surely put me down but... I panicked” Twilight seems incredibly interested into what I have to say, her focus poured directly into me. “If I went through with my plan that night... I couldn’t ever forgive myself for the pain I would’ve cause you all”

“I-I’m so sorry... I didn’t know you were hurting so bad”

“No it’s fine, I was being selfish” I hug her closer. “Let’s be glad that I’m still here right now and I can appreciate the friendship we have together”

She giggles suddenly after a few seconds of hugging, “You really sound like a pony now”

My face blushes lightly, “Shit your right, maybe I need to take a break from all this cuddly pony life. I mean seriously, I like to cuddle sometimes but, you ponies are so into physical intimacy”

She smiles rubbing her face against mine, “It’s normal for us to like attention, ponies love to communicate our feelings through cuddling!”

Squinting my eye to avoid her fur I scratch behind her ear, neutralizing the pony on my chest. She goes limp almost immediately, her eyes half lidded in pure ecstasy. “I guess your right” I chuckle to myself.

It’s not until I stop that she comes back to her senses, a blush growing on her face. “Woa, that was... really nice. Would you... keep doing whatever it was you were doing?”

“Sure” I smile, going back to work on her scalp. She practically clay in my hands, unable to put up any resistance. “You really are adorable like this”

Twilights blush remains and her eyes stay closed as well. “Less talking, more scratching”

To her pleasure I continue on until I feel she’s fallen asleep, resting my arm over the snoring pony. Taking a closer look I start to realize how much Twilight looks like a person almost, carrying even eyebrows somehow along with other similarities, like her person shaped face from straight on. It’s strangely comforting, almost like I’m with another person, not trapped on a planet filled with absurdities comforting a sentient pony. The whole thought of this being a possibility is insane even retrospectively. I brush her bangs away to look more into her facial features, completely engulfed in curiosity.

“What a lovely little face” I say to nobody in particular, caressing her mane with my other hand.

“Why don’t you two kiss already” The whispering voice interrupts my peace, startling me but not enough to make me wake the slumbering pony. I angrily glare behind me at Spike, recognizing his voice all to well.

“What are you doing back here so quick?! Didn’t you have a date or something?”

“Thanks... by the way for making that a thing and all but, we’re planning on doing that another day. Rarity said she wanted to give me her full attention and that if we went today she’d be selling me short” face covered by a fat smile.

“That’s awfully nice of Rarity” I go back to scratching Twi then return my angry glare. “Wait a minute, fuck you. Me and Twi’s relationship is platonic alright. Stop trying to make shit into existence that isn’t already there” my whispery voice reaching rather loud in tone.

Twi stirs a bit yet remains out cold, her snore however gone. “I don’t know, you seem to be getting awfully touchy there don’t ya think? And calling her lovely? What else could that mean besides the flow of love, a current eroding away at the hard rock wall that is your facade, a fake portrayal of your true self” he speaks poetically with a hint of sarcasm.

“What the fuck... was that”

“Your lying to yourself”

“Lying about what? Loving Twilight?” My gaze moves to her face, it’s innocence lays with its stillness, unfazed and in peace. “So she’s a little cute, I can admit that much but, that doesn’t mean shit. I think all of the girls are cute in their own way”

“Do you call all the girls lovely and stroke their mane while they sleep?”

My face fills with embarrassment, “I’m sure I’ve done it more than once...”

“And do you kiss all the girls on the forehead before you leave? I saw you do it before you know”

“I-I...” I stammer, unsure what to say.

“How about you let me hook you up with Twi! I mean you helped me with Rarity and I didn’t ask for help at all, it’s the least I can do”

“Can you stop? I don’t think of Twilight in that way”

“Can you say that to her face?” I look back to Twi, her eyes closed and breathing still slow. I hesitate, something holding me back. “Cmon she sleeping, it’s not like she can hear you”

“I don’t...” Twi’s face fills my vision, thoughts of previous jokes and time spent together starts to go through my brain. A warmth brews within me, similar to the same feeling I have with Pinkie although not a feeling of butterflies or nervousness, like that of a crush. I’m unsure even what to think of it. “I don’t know... maybe I like her” I stop myself there.

As if Spikes grin couldn’t get any larger, it seems like he might explode from giddiness. “Ooooo Joey has a thing for Twiiiiilight!”

My face is crimson, looking away to a now blushing Twilight as well. Wait... blushing? She must have heard what we were saying!

“Uh... are you awake?” I shake her some with my arm. She responds by shaking her head no, burying her face into my chest.

“Looks like my work here is done! I’ll be off in my room if you two need me... and don’t worry I’ll be too busy to hear anything anyways” he winks.

I’ll strangle the little rat! This is how he repays me!?!

Once Spike has left the scene, I release a big sigh in preparation for the next conversation. “How much did you hear?”

“From the part where Spike was asking you to say something to my face” her voice is low, muffled from my shirt.

Thinking back to the recent conversation this feels redeemable. “Sorry for... making things awkward”

We lay in silence, both of us unwilling to make the next move. Twi speaks up very quietly, “I don’t mind it...” she hesitates for a second then continues. “You... liking me, IF you actually do of course”

I decide to play dumb, “Of course I like you, your the only pony smart enough to outwit me” sarcasm laced in my voice.

“Joey! Ugh... stop pretending to not know what I’m talking about, did you really mean what you said or..?” She lifts her head to face me, eyes gleaming in anticipation.

“Twilight the last two months have been an absolute train wreck, I don’t even know what to think anymore...” I lift her off me and put my hands in my hands. “I don’t know what to do and there is so much shit going on I can’t tell. I’m trying, I really fucking am but I feel overwhelmed! Maybe I do like you... maybe I don’t. All I know is that I’m wearing a stupid collar and one of the few friends I have here is stuck taking care of me cause I might go kill myself if I have the slightest problem and I keep having panic attacks cause I’m a complete mess!”

She puts her hoof on my back stroking lightly, “Tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help”

I grumble in frustration, “I’m the fucking problem that’s what’s wrong”

“No, what are all these things that are bothering you? I heard talking out your problems to another pony is very therapeutic”

“Did you read that in a book?” She guiltily smirks while shrugging. With a deep breath I start telling her the events leading to this point, even the confession with Pinkie and my moment with Luna. “-And now this whole thing with you... I don’t want to make things weird between us”

Twi smiles, “That would never happen, we’d squash it out! I mean let’s get rid of the tense air in here right now. I’ll tell you how I feel and then you tell me, alright?”

“Okay”

“Okay! I... oh this is so much harder than I thought. I-I... like you as more than a friend!” she speaks the last line almost too fast for me to hear. “Now your turn!” Her face is red like a tomato.

Seeing how things have been going lately I’m not surprised at what she has to say. “Did you just forget the part where I told you Pinkie and Princess fuckin Luna were crushing on me? How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that!”

“With your feelings now hurry up I’m going to die from embarrassment if you don’t give me an answer”

Facepalming, I take a deep breath in and out. “I don’t know”

“What do you mean I don’t know?!”

“What part of I don’t know do you not understand! I said earlier I don’t know what I’m feeling... maybe it’s something or maybe I’m just latching on for attention!”

If she could, it would seem she was pinching the bridge of her nose, “How about this, did you enjoy when Pinkie kissed you? Did it make you feel any different?”

“...no. Well... I guess but, she kissed me alright how am I supposed to feel nothing?!”

“What if you kissed me?”

“Are you trying to get me mono?” She doesn’t understand the word. “I can’t just go around kissing every pony that says they like me just to see if I feel any different”

“Why not? It’s just a kiss Joey”

She makes me feel like I’m acting childish, and I can’t help but agree, “I guess your right but!” I place a finger out to signify one condition. “I’m only doing this once!”

“That’s fine... but you have to initiate it, I can’t possibly will myself to do it now with all this pressure”

“It was your idea!”

She closes her eyes with anger, “Just... kiss me” her eyebrows remain downward yet she leans forward somewhat.

I pull at my shirt collar, things seeming rather warm compared to earlier. Taking a gulp, I lean in and close my own eyes, the distance seemingly forever. Then suddenly, I feel her lips brush against mine only to embrace my own. Instinctively I pull her close, our heads moving to the sides to avoid bumping noses, I work against her force with a loving touch. Her scent overwhelms me, thoughts filled with desire. Like a dying man would clasp to his water, my lips do not part for any reason. Things don’t get Intimate enough for any tongue play but, as we pull away for a breather, I have to wipe away a strand of spit. There’s a lightness in my chest, unfamiliar from what I’ve experienced before with my first love, a feeling of energy almost. Our faces are heavily flushed, eyes now connecting.

“Woa... that was... a lot” she takes deep breaths with me.

“Yeah...” Part of me wishes to continue but the rational part of me begs for reason. Twilight places her hoof against my chest, moving in for more. Feeling compelled I move forward for an instant before stopping, “We shouldn’t... let me think about things for a few days... is that okay with you?”

Although saddened by the halt, she thinks for a second only to nod in agreement, “I did promise you just one but, ...could we maybe do it one more time?”

Her pressure makes me feel guilty for not continuing and even uncomfortable somewhat for her not respecting my decision however, I do not hold any grudge knowing how desperate she must feel. “Twilight please... understand how your making me feel saying that”

Her eyes widen then look away shamefully, “I’m sorry”

I give her a reassuring hug that there’s no issue and stand up to head toward the door, “I should really get going”

She sits ups moving toward me for a second, “I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable Joey”

I shake my head no, “No I totally get it, shit happens and it was just a suggestion. Nobody got hurt” I smile.

It doesn’t seem to completely sway her attitude but, enough to let her drop the subject. “Okay... do you want me to walk you home?”

Forgetting the reversed gender roles of Equestria it’s rather embarrassing to be thought of as helpless alone. After what happened on Nightmare Night though, I can’t argue with her worry. “Sure”

Journeying toward my home, our conversation remains on other topics then what had just occurred, likely for the best.

“Spike was as big as town hall I’m telling you!”

“Yea yea... and I bet Dash was there too wearing a pink dress and high socks”

“Ugh you don’t have to believe me, I know what happened” there’s a brief break, the silence filled with the crunching of our steps. “I... I heard a gist of what happened... during Nightmare Night”

Immediately my mood turns sour, I let her continue with an angry expression.

“But, I don’t know exactly how it happened. Was it... like an attack?”

“You know the saying curiosity killed the cat?”

Looking away she responds in a low voice, “Sorry”

Her deflated posture tugs at my insides for some reason, I do something uncharacteristic. “Pinkie was in line for the costume party and I thought I saw Luna flying above. So I figured if I got alone she’d surely try to prey on me right? I tell Pinkie I’m going to the bathroom and I run over somewhere near that little park near the center of town and my plan works. Me and Luna shoot the shit-“

“Shoot the s-shit?” She stumbles over the word.

“We talked, joked around. Anyways we talk and she flys off” my face starts to get dark, a clear change in expression. “Then it happened... that pony” I clench my fists, tears welling in my eyes.

I have to stop, placing my hand on a nearby lantern post. I wipe away the moisture and take a few deep breaths. “You don’t have to tell me anymore” Twilight slowly walks up to me, bothered at seeing me like this.

“No, I do. Maybe if I tell you what happened you can give me some sort of tip of how to defend myself from it”

“I don’t understand, how could I help?”

“It was some mare, she was... the daughter to a fucking loser I beat down and she wanted revenge. She bounded me using some sort of bullshit magic and held be down from moving”

“Like, your limbs? She held them down with magic?

“Yea...” I turn to Twi, “Then she fucked me!” I give a twisted smile delivering the line like a sick joke, tears pouring down melting the snow.

Twilights face is a mixture of horrified and distraught. “Oh Joey” she rushes over to hug me on two legs.

I give her a quick hug and pull away, “Please let’s hurry up, I want to go home”

“Okay” she responds lightly, as if her voice alone could break the cracked glass that is my emotions.

It’s very quiet the rest of the way, nothing said until we reach our destination. “I’m going to do some research into spells or wards that can protect you from this ever happening again. And Joey, I’m really sorry about what happened”

“I appreciate that, stay safe heading home” she give me a pained smile and heads back to her home. “Twilight” my voice stops her, “Your a good person, and a better friend”

Instead of correcting me she appreciates what I have to say, taking my use of person as meaning something more, something personal. After soaking in my words she continues back home, I watch her go until she reaches a point over the hill heading back into town. Turning around I place my ear against the door to hear for anypony inside, it’s silent.

Opening the door, a surprising sight is before me, Pinkie completely passed out on the couch, still wearing her work clothes, the hat laying on the floor beside her. Normally she takes off her work clothes before she gets home but, it appears today she was a little too tired to care. Approaching the sleeping equine it becomes more obvious she had come home straight from work and passed out on the couch, powdered dough left scattered on her coat. I grab a book from the nearby shelf and sit down next to her, placing her head in my lap. She makes a funny face, her tongue barely sticking out.

What a goofball

Flipping through the first pages I began my reading, it’s a fictional story seemingly based on the human version of Lord of the Rings. This story carries a different name as well including a different main artifact. The title seems almost like an all female cast reboot named ’Queen of the Rings’, the one ring based off a ring unicorns place around the base of their horn rather than around a finger. Through what I’ve read so far, it seems to be almost identical with few inconsistencies here and there, mainly names. Letting myself enjoy the book while Pinkie gets some much needed rest, what’s left of the day seems to vanish. At some point late in the night I become tired as well, placing the book down and lean back into the couch. I remember to actually remove my collar this time and enjoy a nice rest comforted by the sleeping companion at my waist.

A light dream fills the void that is beyond conciseness, it’s sudden ending caused from a fall from grace. It was a memory of watching Dash fly around only I was able to join her, wings of my own carrying me through the sky. This was brief, as Dash suddenly looked to me and said, “Believe in yourself stupid, otherwise you’ll never fly!”. Staring on confused, it’s at this moment the wings on my back disappear bringing me crashing back down to reality.

I bolt forward from the dream, my heart beating away in my chest, a bird looking to escape its cage. Placing a hand to my forehead I realize I’m drenched in sweat.

“Bad dream?” The voice below me draws attention. It’s Pinkie of course.

“Something like that”

“I hate bad dreams but, my pa used to always say ‘No dream is a bad dream! They all have a purpose!’” She gives her best stallion voice.

Remembering back to when I helped Pinkie clean out her room, the picture of her former home the rock farm came back to me.

“Hey, what was it like living on a farm?”

“Hmm” she places a hoof against her chin in thought. Taking a better look at Pinkie now that she’s awake, it’s very noticeable the difference in her mane. Instead of the normal poofy state, it was held back into a small curly bun. The normal end of her hair that sticks outward was now closer to her head as well, looking more closely related to bangs at this point but, was still the same form. Truthfully it was professional for a pony of Pinkies standards... and a little cute.

“There’s the early mornings and early nights. Then the pulling carts for all the rocks, my sisters and I generally had our own... ooo and mine was pink! Well not pink originally... or even for long, pa said it wasn’t right to try and stick out. That we were a family and families stick together” her off topic subject seems to bring up bad memories, her face now much more somber.

Bringing my hand down I scratch behind her ear, she moves into the touch. “Felt like you needed to get out?”

“Yea... I could tell I was a little different” she giggles sheepishly.

“I think you did what’s best for you Pinkie and that’s all right”

“Still feel like I kinda abandoned them...” she frowns.

“You still visit right?” Nodding yes to my question I continue, “Then what’s the problem? Clearly your meant for bigger and brighter things, like being the element of laughter”

“Anypony could have done that”

“Bullshit, your the most energetic and charismatic pony I know. You practically bleed excitement, it’s pretty helpful getting me motivated. Now if you can tell me another pony with as much drive as you then I’ll admit I’m wrong”

“But I’m the element of laughter! Not... spirit! I’m supposed to make ponies laugh not be the life of the party. That’s my hobby, what I like to do!”

“Who said your just supposed to make ponies laugh? I think the title means your supposed to bring joy to others”

“Wouldn’t it make sense for me to be the element of joy then?”

“Not everything is supposed to make sense Pinkie, even you should know that with your weird party bag and your... knowledge of suspicious things”

She puffs her cheeks, “Maybe your right... but you have no room to talk mr not selfish pants!”

“Me? I’m selfish all the time like.... when I stayed home for the past few weeks instead trying to get better”

“That’s wasn’t being selfish dingus! That was being stoopid!” She pushes her hoof against my forehead, still resting on my lap.

I pull the hair back that hangs in front of her face admiring her appearance, “Yea I guess your right, that’s why I’m planning on getting into Celestia’s library. I bet there’s for sure something there that’ll help and it’ll beat laying around waiting for someone else to fix my problem”

Pinkie notices me admiring her face and blows me a kiss. I pretend grab it from the air and throw it behind my back, she pretends to be horrified from my action. We share a laugh.

“For real though, I have to stop being a whiny bitch and actually do something”

“What if you do something for yourself for a change. That way you won’t be a mommy dog!” She excitedly shouts.

“Heh, mommy dog.. and what do you mean?”

“I meeeean what do you like to do? What’s a Joey do when he’s super bored or got nothing to do!”

“I don’t know, play video games, jerk off?”

She scrunches her face a giggles, “Yucky, you do that every time your bored?”

“Ha, not every time... even a man has to know his limits”

“I really hope this is some sort of human joke but, seriously what makes you happy?”

“Uh... friends? Hanging out with friends.. those who get my jokes or can make me smile”

“There you go! Now ask somepony to make time for you and go watch a movie or go to a restaurant or-“

“Sounds more like a date”

“What did you mean then by hanging out with friends?”

“Well.. I guess anything works really, as long as we’re together and having fun. Shit now that I think about it, I really miss my friends back on Earth” normally I try not to think about the past, bringing nothing but pain now.

“I guess I should’ve seen that coming... I’m sorry Joey” her ears lower against her head.

I shake off the feeling, “Nah don’t let me ruin your idea. How about the girls join me in going to Canterlot? I have to go there eventually so planning this the earlier the better!”

She moves close and places a huge kiss right on my lips, “*Smack* that’s a great idea Joey! I’ll tell all the girls this week and I’m sure they’ll find time!”

Somehow she’s not embarrassed while I’m red hot. “I said to ask me first! And I’ll tell the girls, I shouldn’t make you do anymore work than your already doing”

“Whaaaaat? I’m fine!” Waving her hoof at me nonchalantly. “I hardly do anything anyways”

“Tell that to the one still wearing their work clothes, passed out on the couch” for some reason this makes her blush rather than the kiss.

“So I was a little tired today but, that doesn’t mean anything. I can keep going for days and days and days and days and-“

“And days, yea yea save it for the judge” I say while picking her up in a baby hold. “Cmon sleeping beauty, we gotta get you in the bath cause you stink like *sniff* actually you smell pretty good but, your dirty so let’s go”

“Could you call me a dirty mare?” She asks seductively.

“No” I say with a flat expression.

She pouts all the way to the bathroom where I set her down and move to the door. “Wait! Can you wash my back? I’m kinda sore and I can’t really reach around that far plus-“

“You just said like 10 seconds ago that you could go on for days and days!”

“Ten seconds is a long time Joey, you could eat a piece of cake in ten seconds or..”

“What? No you couldn’t that’s absurd”

“How about we argue over it while you wash my back?” She gives a cheeky smile.

“What if I say no and go to bed?”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

At that I turn around and head out the room, “I dareeeeee”

Laying in bed for half an hour reading, I’m greeted by a grumpy looking Pinkie, recently dried with a poofy coat. I cover my mouth with a hand to suppress my laughter.

“I can’t believe you didn’t help me” she grumbles while getting under the covers.

“First off, you said that I should do what I want. Secondly, you kissed me when I said specifically to ask first”

She’s unable to protest, settling for facing away from me. Placing the book down at the nightstand beside me, I blow out the last candle light within the home. It’s not long before I can feel Pinkie sneak over to me, hugging my side. Placing an arm around her, it’s easy to drift away.