Chapters Captain Michael J. Caboose is a soldier who is affiliated with the Blue Team, part of the Reds and Blues. He lost nine of his friends in a Death Battle between his team and the Red Team. "I have lost many friends... even my best friend... and I need to revive them... but how?", the Captain asked himself. Despite his tremendous strength, he's very dumb... just like the only other current member of the Blue Team, Kaikaina Grif, who is the younger sister of Dexter Grif from the Red Team. "I know!" He got to work on one of the teleporters. It took a while, but he somehow managed to create a portal. The only problem was: how could he get his friends through? Keep in mind that one of his friends is an actual M808V Main Battle Tank. "I know I have super strength, but I can't every one all at once!" He looked back to the portal. "Ah, fuck it." He threw Private Leonard L. Church, Captain Lavernius Tucker, Texas, and Sheila through the portal. He walked through before the portal closed. Nearby, an invisible force was lurking. A low growl was heard.
In Twilight's castle, Caboose and his friends crashed into a pile of books. The Princess herself was there, and she was shocked by what she saw. Caboose stood up. "Oh! Hello! My name is Captain Michael J. Caboose, and I hate babies!", the upbeat soldier said to the Princess.
"Uh... hi. I'm Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship", Twilight replied. Suddenly, the portal reopened. The invisible force walked through and the portal closed.
"Fuck", Caboose said. "Run!" Using his super-strength, he delivered some heavy punches to the Meta, dealing some damage. Twilight used her magic to teleport herself and Caboose's dead allies out of the castle while Caboose fought the Meta. He choked his white-clad enemy as he repeatedly punched the Meta in the face. He delivered one final punch, knocking the Meta unconscious. Caboose ran off.
Outside the castle...
"Jesus Christ! Where am I?!", Church/Epsilon asked the Princess. Caboose walked out of the castle. "Oh! Caboose!"
"Hello!", Caboose said. "Twilight, this is Private Leonard L. Church. How are you not dead?"
"Remember? I'm the Epsilon A.I., so I can't die", Church replied. "Did we... win the fight?"
"Yes. I was the last one standing. Turned out the teleporter actually worked", Caboose responded. Twilight's friends approached the trio. Twilight introduced her friends to the two soldiers.
"Caboose, who was that?", Twilight asked.
"The Meta. A monster of unimaginable power. He was once a Freelancer named Maine", Caboose answered.
"What in tarnation is a Freelancer?", Applejack asked.
"And why is there one here?", Rainbow Dash asked.
"Why are you still human?", Fluttershy asked.
"Well, we can't answer the third question", Church answered.
"How many Freelancers are there?", Spike asked.
"Numerous", Church answered.
"Why is there a tank?", Rarity asked.
"Where did you come from?", Pinkie Pie asked. It took a lot of explaining, but the Mane Six and Spike got their answers.
"So... you want me to rebuild Sheila and revive Tucker and Tex?", Twilight asked.
"Yes", Caboose answered.
"That's gonna be impossible!", Twilight said. Suddenly, the Meta reappeared. However, an evil laugh was heard.
"Uh... the Meta can't speak. He growls because his vocal chords are broken", Church said. "Wait... I know that voice. Sigma!"
"Of course you do... Epsilon", Sigma said. "That Death Battle the Meta had against Carolina vanquished every other A.I., but I survived! You know, I have to thank Carolina for killing the Meta... because now, I am in control of this body!" Twilight, understanding the threat that Sigma possessed, blasted the A.I. with her magic, to no effect. "Ah. The protector." Sigma grabbed Twilight by the throat. "A pony. How cute." Caboose grabbed Tucker's sword, the Great Key, and stabbed Sigma with it. Sigma dropped Twilight and glared at the blue-clad soldier. Suddenly, a looming shadow enveloped the heroes and Sigma... except for Church.
"Hello", a computer voice said.
"Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker!", Church shouted from the cockpit as Sheila fired a missile at Sigma. The A.I. ran off as Tucker's sword fell out of his body.
"Sheila!", Caboose said joyously as he picked up his rival's sword.
"Guys! We have to go back to Blood Gulch! We'll formulate a plan there!", Church said as Caboose joined his best friend in the cockpit. "Sigma is powerless here, so if we go back to Blood Gulch and close the portal, we can trap him here and we'll be safe for now." The Mane Six and Spike agreed.
Back at Blood Gulch...
Five more dead bodies were strewn about. "Focus on the Red Team later", Church said. "We need to revive Tucker and Tex." Tex then stood up. "Oh, right! I forgot! Tex is the Beta A.I.!"
"Ugh... what happened?", Tex asked. After some quick introductions, Tex's teammates got her up to date on current events.
Later...
"She died in her real life, and that's all the Director ever remembered of her. So now, no matter how tough she is, no matter how hard she fights, she's always going to fail, because that's what she's based on. No matter what she's doing, or what she's trying to accomplish, just when her goal is within her reach, it gets yanked away. Every. Single. Time. Can you imagine what that's like?", Church asked Twilight.
"Applejack might", Twilight answered as she restored Tucker's life force.
"Also, don't pick a fight with her. She may always lose a fight, but she tends to... aim for the groin while fighting", Church said. "Which would make sense since that's how Allison always fought. It's still painful, though! Ask Grif!"
"Me?", Kaikaina Grif asked.
"No, your brother", Church answered. After a while, Tucker started coughing. "Kai, I need you to figure out how much power Sigma gained during the Meta's fight against Carolina."
"Yes, sir", Kai replied as she went into the Blue Base.
"How smart is she?", Twilight asked.
"Hell if I know", Church answered.
"Hah! See? I knew the teleporter would work! Bow-chicka-bow-wow!", Captain Lavernius Tucker said. "Nice to meet you, Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Spike." Kai walked over.
"Sir, you and Tex in grave danger. Sigma was able to revive and absorb Alpha, Gamma, Delta, Eta, Theta, Iota, and Omega."
"Wasn't Alpha the other half of Church?", Spike asked.
"Yes. If we don't stop Sigma, then we're all done for", Tex answered. "Epsilon and I are the final two Project Freelancer A.I. units."
"Alright. I'll revive the Red Team", Twilight said. She walked to Captain Richard "Dick" Simmons's corpse and began reviving him. Surprisingly enough, it didn't take very long. Simmons stood up.
"Where's Grif?", Simmons asked.
"Right here", Kai answered.
"Not you, your brother", Simmons replied.
"Oh", Kai responded. Twilight then revived Captain Dexter Grif.
"Holy shit! Did I die?", Grif asked.
"Eh, sort of", Simmons answered. Twilight reassembled Lopez the Heavy, who was decapitated and had some wiring burnt.
"¿Qué demonios acaba de pasar? (What the hell just happened?)", Lopez asked.
"Wait. Since Lopez is a robot, doesn't that mean he's an A.I.?", Twilight asked.
"Sí, pero no soy un Project Freelancer de Inteligencia Artificial. ¡Soy simplemente un robot que solo puede hablar español, y mis estúpidos compañeros de equipo no saben cómo arreglarme! (Yes, but I'm not a Project Freelancer Artificial Intelligence. I'm simply a robot who can only speak Spanish, and my stupid teammates can't figure out how to fix me!)", Lopez answered.
"What?", Twilight asked.
"Joder (Fuck it.)", Lopez answered. He walked over to Simmons and Grif. "Hola chicos. ¿Perdimos la batalla a muerte? (Hey, guys. Did we lose the Death Battle?)"
"If you're asking if we lost the Death Battle, then yes. Caboose was somehow the last man standing", Grif answered. Twilight revived Private Franklin Delano Donut.
"Hey, purple thing! When you revive Sarge, tell him we lost", Donut said as Twilight revived Super Colonel Sarge.
After the Red Team were introduced to the Mane Six and Spike, Caboose got everyone up to date on what's going on.
"Si Sigma tiene el control de Maine, entonces debemos proteger a Epsilon y Beta (If Sigma is in control of Maine, then we need to protect Epsilon and Beta.)", Lopez said.
"What?", Simmons asked.
"He said that if Sigma is in control of Maine, then we need to protect Epsilon and Beta", Donut translated.
"Yeah, no shit, Lopez. Say something useful", Simmons replied.
"Eres estúpido (You're stupid.)", Lopez said.
"That's hurtful", Simmons replied.
"How do we know you ponies can fight?", Sarge asked. "I'm not being rude, I'm just concerned for your safety."
"We've defeated Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Lord Tirek, Starlight Glimmer, the Pony of Shadows, the Storm King, and Cozy Glow!", Pinkie Pie answered.
"Esos son villanos de tu mundo. Nuestro mundo es diferente. Sigma obtendrá un poder ilimitado de los villanos que has vencido, ¿y el resultado? Destrucción definitiva (Those are villains from your world. Our world is different. Sigma will gain unlimited power from the villains you've vanquished, and the result? Ultimate destruction.)", Lopez replied.
"Wait a minute, Lopez", Sarge said. "I've seen what these baddies can do. You ponies are stronger than I thought! Let's kick some A.I. ass!"
"Nosotros estamos condenados (We're doomed.)", Lopez said. Suddenly, Sigma approached the Reds and Blues, Mane Six, and Spike. "Llámalo. (Called it.)"
"Now way in Hell!", Kai said. She retreated into the Blue Base.
"Silly little ponies. Your world is already mine. I've already gained the abilities of the Legion of Doom", Sigma monologued.
"Oh, crap", Sarge said.
"Damn it! I forgot to close the portal! Don't worry. We've dealt with Chrysalis's shapeshifting, Tirek's strength, and Cozy Glow's flight before, and all at the same time!", Twilight said.
"¡Esa es una receta para el desastre! (That's a recipe for disaster!)", Lopez complained. Sigma levitated into the air. He shapeshifted into Caboose. "Oh, genial. Ahora hay dos de ellos. (Oh, great. Now there's two of them.)" Caboose gave Tucker his sword back. Twilight, however, blasted Sigma, sending him flying onto the top of the Blue Base. "¡Santa mierda! (Holy shit!)"
"You picked the wrong powers, fool!", Twilight said as she used her magic to choke Sigma. However, Sigma shapeshifted into Lopez and kicked Twilight in the stomach, sending her flying into the gravity lift, which sent her flying. However, she regained her balance in midair and rammed into Sigma, who was blasted to pieces, since Lopez is a robot.
"Jaja. Ya deberías saber que no soy indestructible (Ha-ha. You should know by now that I'm not indestructible.)", Lopez mocked. Sigma reassembled himself, since the body that he's possessing is a human. "Yo y mi bocaza. (Me and my big mouth.)" Sigma acrobatically flipped off of the roof of the Blue Base and single-handedly knocked out the Red Team, Caboose, and Tucker with his superior strength. He even managed to overturn Sheila. Church, Tex, the Mane Six, and Spike assumed fighting stances. Sigma knocked out Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Spike, but Twilight, Church, and Tex retreated into the Blue Base.
"That's it! No one knocks out/kills my brother unless someone on my team does so!", Kai screamed. She charged at Sigma... and was quickly defeated.
"Sal, sal, donde quiera que estés! (Come out, come out, wherever you are!)", Sigma said. "Espera un minuto. ¿Dónde está la configuración del idioma? (Wait a minute. Where's the language setting?)"
"No hay uno, idiota (There isn't one, idiot.)", Lopez said before passing out. An annoyed Sigma shapeshifted once again, this time transforming into Twilight. Twilight blasted Sigma, but since Sigma took on the form of Twilight, he simply blasted her back, but since he was stronger, Twilight was knocked out by the blast. Sigma reverted back to his original form and grabbed Church's face in his left hand and Tex's face in his right hand. He absorbed Epsilon and Beta, finally achieving ultimate power. "YES! THE POWER IS FINALLY MINE!" He flew through the portal to begin his carnage.
"Bueno. Evaluemos la situación. Una inteligencia artificial maníaca acaba de matar a dos de nuestros amigos. ¿Qué vamos a hacer? (Okay. Let's assess the situation. A maniacal Artificial Intelligence just killed two of our friends. What are we gonna do?)", Lopez asked. Caboose was standing at the top of the Blue Base, but he was unresponsive. "¿Furgón de cola? ¿Estás bien? (Caboose? Are you okay?)" Caboose took off his helmet, revealing his youthful face and a venomous glare.
"No. I'm not okay, Lopez", Caboose bitterly answered. "A monster just stole my best friend from me. I'm going to stop him... alone. If anyone tries to stop me, I will unleash my full rage on them." The others regained consciousness.
"Lopez? What happened?", Donut asked.
"Todos trataron de luchar contra Sigma, pero él los derrotó a todos, incluyéndonos a mí y a Caboose, debido a su cambio de forma, su fuerza superior y sus capacidades de vuelo (You all tried to fight Sigma, but he defeated you all, including me and Caboose, because of his shapeshifting, superior strength, and flying capabilities.)", Lopez answered. Caboose put his helmet back on. "Absorbió a Epsilon y Beta, completando su misión. Fue a Equestria para comenzar su carnicería. (He absorbed Epsilon and Beta, completing his mission. He went to Equestria to begin his carnage.)"
"Wait... Equestria?!", Twilight asked. "We have to stop Sigma now!"
"Mantenga sus caballos, señora. Es posible que tú y tus amigos hayan derrotado a la reina Chrysalis, Lord Tirek y Cozy Glow, pero no tenían el poder de diez inteligencias artificiales. Necesitas un respaldo serio. Afortunadamente, somos los mejores soldados de la galaxia (Hold your horses, lady. You and your friends might've taken down Queen Chrysalis, Lord Tirek, and Cozy Glow, but they didn't have the power of ten Artificial Intelligences. You need some serious backup. Fortunately, we are the galaxy's greatest soldiers.)", Lopez replied. However, Caboose was nowhere to be found. "¿Furgón de cola? (Caboose?)"
In Equestria, Caboose approached Sigma. "SIGMA!!!", Caboose screamed. Sigma heard the angry Blue and approached him. "You've fucked with the wrong person's friend!"
"Oh, no. I'm so scared", Sigma mocked.
Back at Blood Gulch...
"I know he's pissed off, but Sigma is a nigh-unstoppable monster", Tucker said.
"The Red Team couldn't beat us in a Death Battle. They are idiots", Sheila replied.
"Yeah, I know", Tucker responded.
"Podemos escucharte, lo sabes (We can hear you, you know.)", Lopez said.
"Dirty Blues! We only lost because of a rogue grenade!", Grif protested.
"Not true, Grif", Twilight said. "You Reds had plenty going for you. You had brains and speed on your side with Simmons, and you had some epic firepower, but the Blue Team had the grit to overpower you. When it comes to physical strength, nobody on your team came close to the raw power of Tex and Caboose. Flipping Sheila and lifting Andy made that pretty clear. Hell, Sarge even tried to lift Andy once and he couldn't do it. It could be argued that Sarge has more extensive military experience than anyone else. However, Tex's Freelancer training was far more intensive than standard military issue. Just look at what she did to you Reds before. She's a monster! Not to mention she technically had two lifetimes of training, being a copy of Allison and all. Her lame programming meant she couldn't win the fight by herself, but her blue teammates picked up the slack. Tucker even got some Freelancer training in too thanks to Agent Washington, and could hold off a platoon of mercs all by himself. No one ever said he wasn't good at solo activities. Oh, and in the fight between tanks versus cars, tanks generally win. I mean... that one's pretty obvious. Your team may have been extremely resilient, mostly thanks to aggravating stubbornness, but it wasn't enough to survive the stellar skill and the brute force of Blue Team."
"Oh, shut up", Grif said.
"Way to rub it in, Twilight", Donut said.
"Sabelotodo (Smart-ass.)", Lopez said.
"Why did I have to die first?", Simmons asked.
"A noble sacrifice", Sarge answered.
"Guys, focus!", Tucker said. "A psychopath is on the loose in Equestria!"
"Tucker's right", Twilight said. "Based on what you guys said, Sigma has become the perfect A.I., which can only mean one thing: Sigma is unstoppable. The only way to stop Sigma is to remove the A.I. fragments."
"¿Cómo diablos se supone que vamos a hacer eso? (How the fuck are we supposed to do that?)", Lopez asked.
"What?", Twilight asked.
"He asked how the fuck are we supposed to do that?", Donut translated.
"I don't fucking know!", Twilight answered. "If Maine really was corrupted..."
"That's it!", Simmons interrupted. "We don't kill Maine, we bring him to his senses, then let Maine take care of things. We may loose Epsilon and Beta in the process, but as long as all ten A.I.s are destroyed, then Equestria won't suffer their wrath."
"But Sigma's taken full control", Twilight replied. "I fear Maine is gone."
"What? The state? Last I checked, it's still here!", Sarge said.
"No, not the state! Agent Maine!", Twilight explained.
"Who the hell is Agent Maine?", Sarge asked.
"THE META!!!", Twilight answered.
"Oh", Sarge said.
"Goddamnit, you guys are IDIOTS!", Twilight complained.
"Hey, I'm a girl!", Kai said.
"Probablemente deberíamos someter a Sigma primero. Entonces podemos destruir los fragmentos de Inteligencia Artificial. Sarge, usted, Simmons, Grif y Tucker han peleado en Maine antes, así que sabe a qué se enfrenta. Donut, Sheila, Kaikaina y yo nos quedaremos aquí en caso de que él decida comenzar a destruir Blood Gulch (We should probably subdue Sigma first. We can then destroy the Artificial Intelligence fragments. Sarge, you, Simmons, Grif, and Tucker have fought Maine before, so you know what you're dealing with. Donut, Sheila, Kaikaina, and I will stay here in case he decides to start destroying Blood Gulch.)", Lopez said.
"What the fuck did he just say?", Rainbow Dash asked.
"He said something about me going with Simmons, Grif, and Tucker to kick a little ass. Come on, fellas!", Sarge answered. The four soldiers ran through the portal.
In Equestria...
Caboose was knocked out, and Sigma approached him. "Time to die, you fucking pathetic waste of space!", Sigma said. Suddenly, Sarge, Simmons, Grif, and Tucker charged at Sigma, firing.
"Attack!", Sarge screamed.
"We're gonna fucking die!", Grif nervously shouted.
"Okay...", Sigma said. He slammed his hand into the ground, summoning a domed energy shield around him that blocked the explosions. He then leaped out through an opening at the top and attacked Grif (grabbing the Brute Shot in the process) and Tucker who quickly rolled out of the way. Simmons then raised his rocket launcher up and fired at Sigma.
"Take this!", Simmons shouted. Sigma nimbly flipped over the rocket and crashed down in front of Simmons, slicing his launcher in half with Grif's Brute Shot. Tucker took out his sword and swung it at Sigma, but he blocked the blow and knocked him aside. Sarge raised his shotgun and fires, but Sigma blocked that as well. In a rare act of bravery, Grif suddenly pounced onto Sigma's back and grabbed him by the neck, throwing him off-balance.
"Yah! Ah, ah, ah, this guy's like a bear!", Grif muttered as Sigma grabbed the orange-clad soldier and threw him off, but as he fell, Grif reclaimed the Brute Shot. "Yoink!" With Sigma now unarmed, Sarge charged forward to tackle him but Sigma punched him to the ground then grabbed him by the leg. Sarge fired again but the Meta dodged. He then swung him around twice and flung him into Grif and Simmons.
"Guys, this plan isn't working!", Tucker said. Suddenly, something hit Sigma. The Mane Six charged at the Artificial Intelligence, with Twilight and Rarity rapidly firing blasts of magic.
"Come here, you big son of a bitch!", Sarge said as he fired his shotgun from behind Sigma. However, Sigma grabbed the shotgun and tossed it aside. He grabbed Sarge by the neck and began to strangle him. "Hey Grif! I've lost my shotgun! What am I going to do without my shotgun ? Shotgun, dammit!"
"There isn't a Warthog around here, dummy!", Grif shouted.
"Which means I win!", Sigma said. "Any last words, Sarge?!"
"Yeah, I got one", Sarge replied. "Now!" Suddenly, Tucker's sword stabbed Sigma in the chest, which then moved upwards, splitting the head in half, causing the ten A.I.s to escape Maine's body. The sword was wielded by Caboose, who regained consciousness during the fight. He opened the A.I. Storage Unit, which began absorbing the Artificial Intelligences. Sigma, however, managed to escape. He reached a human height and faced the heroes.
"You think you've won?", Sigma asked. "I am the ultimate A.I.! You can never defeat-" Suddenly, a revived Agent Maine grabbed the Storage Unit and used it to absorb the A.I. that was assigned to him. "No! You can't do this!"
"Shut up ", Maine growled. "What do we do with this thing? " Suddenly, the Storage Unit began to shake. It then exploded as all ten A.I.s combined. "Okay, seriously: WHAT THE FUCK?! "
"I AM FINALLY THE PERFECT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE!", Sigma bellowed as he looked down at the heroes. He was now ten times bigger than a human.
"RUN!", Caboose screamed. "This is my fight!"
"You don't have to tell me twice!", Grif said as he and the others ran through the Blood Gulch portal.
FIGHT!
"This will be over quick!", Sigma said as he stepped on Caboose. However, the blue-clad hero used his super-strength to hold up the massive foot. He used the Great Key to slice the foot off, but it quickly regenerated. However, using his enhanced strength, Caboose shoryuken'd the massive beast in the crotch, dealing some heavy damage. "Gah!" Caboose then hurled the Great Key into the air, and it flew straight into Sigma's right eye, dealing more damage. "OW!"
"You're right, Sigma! This will be over quick!", Caboose said as he leaped high into the air and latched onto the Great Key. He dug it deeper into the wound, causing more damage... and excruciating pain. "My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I... hate... YOU!" He leaped off of the monster, sword in hand, and threw it at the left eye, completely blinding the villain. He used a wrist-mounted grappling hook to swing up to the back of the monster's head and delivered a powerful kick that caused Sigma to fall forwards... causing more excruciating pain. The sword completely broke through the eye. "It's over." He picked up the broken Storage Unit and put it back together. It absorbed the massive beast.
K.O.!
Back at Blood Gulch...
Caboose held the Storage Unit. However, Maine died because Sigma had full control over him, so that meant that Maine no longer had a soul.
"Buen trabajo, Caboose. Ahora puedo deshacerme correctamente de este dispositivo (Good job, Caboose. Now, I can properly dispose of this device.)", Lopez said. The Mane Six and Spike approached the blue-clad soldier.
"Thank you", Twilight said as she and her friends returned to Equestria.
Later...
"Bueno. La Unidad de Almacenamiento de Inteligencia Artificial y los monstruos dentro ya no existen (Okay. The Artificial Intelligence Storage Unit and the monsters within are no more.)", Lopez said.
"Good job, Lopez!", Sarge said, despite not understanding what the robot just said. "Hey, Caboose, ya did something good today. Ya saved an entire world from ultimate destruction, and you also stopped all ten A.I.s from causing said destruction. Ya might've lost a friend, but remember: We're here for you."
"Thanks, guys", Caboose said.
"Bien, en serio: tiene que haber una forma de arreglar mi configuración de idioma (Okay, seriously: There has to be a way to fix my language setting.)", Lopez complained.
"Sorry, Lopez, but unless the people who made our show say otherwise, you're stuck like this", Donut said.
"Mierda (Fuck.)", Lopez replied.
"I have a feeling that everything will be alright now that Project Freelancer is no more", Sarge said.
"¿Ey qué es eso? (Hey, what's that?)", Lopez asked. The others turned around to find a gray Pegasus pony with weird eyes.
"Guys, I don't think Twilight closed the portal yet", Caboose said. Suddenly, a purple aura appeared around the gray Pegasus and pulled her back through the portal before the portal closed. "Oh, well, nevermind."
