Based on the Saying a Lot of Things series by Revtrosity and Incorrect Quotes. Other things will be sprinkled in as well.

this is non canon

Bio: What do you have there, Cozy Glow?
Cozy Glow: *holding a knife* Hayfries.

Pinkie: All things considered, it didn't go TOO badly.
Goji: ....
Pinkie: What?
Goji: We saw ourselves die.
Pinkie: Yeah, but so what?
Goji: Need I mention, twice?

cut to a nuked hive
Twilight: Thanks for not telling Chrysalis what happened.
Space: *dumbfounded* I don't know how we would ever even BEGIN trying to explain....WHATEVER this is.

Cube: WHAT IS THIS, GOJI? WHAT IN THE NAME OF DIVINE BEINGS HAVE YOU BECOME?!
Goji: *wheezing* They said I could be anything, mother, so....I BECAME CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!
Goji: *drinks self*
Goji: Oh my God, or sweet Celestia! I TASTE SO BUCKING GOOD!

Tempest Shadow: Do penguins have knees?
Cube: Well, yes, but you can't see them quite clearly.
Space: Well, they don't anymore.
Tempest Shadow: .....
Cube: ....what do you mean, not anymore?
Space: *eyes start glowing red with a crooked smile whilst holding up a bloody sharp object of reader's preference*
Cube: What do you MEAN-
Tempest Shadow: *grabs Cube and runs as far away as possible*

Discord: *breaks free of the stone statue of imprisonment* Oh, oh, Equestria, it is good to be back!
Discord: *points to the Cutie Mark Crusaders* And I take it you three are some living ventriloquist dummies?
Goji: Let me take care of this.
Goji: *sprays Discord with liquid flex tape*
Goji: You know what they say. Flex tape fixes everything.

Cozy Glow: Soon, Mr. Ducky. We shall drink the fear of those who mocked us!
Bio: You know fear tastes disgusting, right?
Cozy Glow: And how would you know?
Bio: *visible Vietnam flashbacks*
Bio: Memories...

Space: We got a free day now. What do you wanna do? Eat? Sleep? Nap? Snack?
Rainbow Dash: THIS is how you spend your weekends?
Goji: When we're not dealing with a mentally distressed hero-turned-villain and encountering more drama and trauma than is healthy for most sentient beings' psyche.

Cozy Glow: *in fake innocence* We're friends!
Goji: I am going to set you on fire.

insert time travel hijink
Young Shining Armor: *flirts with Cadance unsuccessfully in the worst time possible*
Goji: Dude...are you SERIOUSLY flirting right now?
Young Shining Armor: No....unless it's working.
Goji: What the buck, no! You look like Hannibal Lecter trying to take a shit!

Bio: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Trixie: How is the great and powerful Trixie supposed to know?
Space: You say that as if we don't use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Trixie: ...
Bio: ...so?
Space: ...Go on.
Trixie: *sigh*
Trixie: You would not be trapped, unfortunately.

Twilight: It’s time to turn our business into a real business.
Bio: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Starlight: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?!
Luna: I handle our accounting.

Starlight: How hot is it in here now?
Space: Approximately 107.3521 degrees Fahrenheit, or 41.862277778 degrees Celsius if you prefer that.
Rarity: Every day, I prayed to Celestia to make me hotter.
Celestia: *shows up with a trollface*
Rarity: THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!

Goji: 'Ey, kiddo, whaddaya wanna eat?
Cozy Glow: THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT-
Sweetie Belle: A hay burger.
Cozy Glow: NO!
Sweetie Belle: Two hay burgers.
Cozy Glow: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Chrysalis, Tirek, Cozy: *destroying Equestria and otherwise causing chaos*
Goji: Hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal I don't mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but i gotta warn ya if you take one more diddly darn step right there I'm gonna have to diddly darn snap your neck and wowza wouldn't that be a crummy juncture huh? Do you want that? Do you wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? Because friend buddy chum friend chum pally pal chum friend if you keep this up then well gosh diddly darn I just might have to get not so friendly with you my friendly friend pal friend buddy chum pally friend chum buddy
Chrysalis, Tirek, Cozy: *visible fear and confusion*
megalovania intensifies

Random Pony: I'm selling pies now!
Bio: Well I'm quite tired of eating butterscotch-
Random Pony: I'm selling chocolate pie too!
Bio: I'LL TAKE YOUR ENTIRE STOCK!

Bio: Everyone deserves mercy!
Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow: *do the stuff they do in season 9*
Bio: Most people deserve mercy.

Goji: Who wants to go somewhere NOT boring?!
Gallus: Yeah!
Smolder: I do! I do!
Space: *in a rare, enthusiastic tone* Let's go to the morgue!
Goji: ....
Gallus: ....
Smolder: ....

Rainbow Dash: *exaggerating what Goji is like to the Storm King in a futile attempt to terrify him*
Goji: Ha HA! You expected someone absolutely frightening, but it was me, Dio Goji!
Goji: *summons Muscle Mothra*
Goji: You shall now perish.

Space: I'm gonna say the N-word.
Luna: No! Do not attempt such a vile thing!
Space: *mock-runs away from Luna* NIGERUNDAYO!!!!
Goji: SMOKEY!!!!!!
Pinkie: DID I JUST HEAR A JOJO REFERENCE?!
Bio: This skit now begs the question of how ponies know of the n-word and the anime popularly referred to as JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

Bio: The results are in. I'm afraid you have..updog.
Celestia: What's updog?
Bio: GOJI, GET IN HERE! I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT!
Goji: I'm proud of you, Bio.
Celestia: *mega confusion*

Celestia: How old do you think I am?
Space: Your Majesty, you of all people should know age doesn't matter. We all die at some point.
Luna: That's rather depressing.

cut to Goji and Cozy Glow on a laptop
"You know," Cozy mused. "I hate to admit it, but I kinda had a lot of fun with this."
"You said it," Goji responded.
"I think I feel something warm and fuzzy festering in my heart"
"Oh?"
"It's so comforting I just might break into song."
"Are you?"
"No, of course not, I'm a soulless villain, remember?! It was sarcasm."
"Yeah, fair enough."
"Welp," Goji said as he got out of the couch. "This was fun. I guess I gotta get going." As he said this, the laptop disappeared.
"Yes, same with me. I just need to grab my laptop and get out of here," replied Cozy.
"Huh, well, that's funny, because I also gotta get my laptop. You know, it'd be kinda weird if we were getting the same laptop."
"Yeah, for sure! It's almost like you would try to steal my property away from me."
"Yeah, for sure. And it's almost like I'm preventing you and your friends from stealing the souls of the Internet."
"That'd be funny, wouldn't it? Hehehehe."
"Yeah. Heh heh heh."
"...."
"...."
"Well, I gotta get going!" Goji said hurriedly.
"Not if I get going first!" Cozy Glow challenged.
"WHERE'D WE PUT THAT LAPTOP?! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE'S THE LAPTOP?!
"WHERE'S THE LAPTOP?! WHERE'D IT GO?!" Cozy yelled in panic as she jumped off a two story window.
"I can't find it!" Goji panicked.
"I can't find it either! You probably teleported it somewhere, didn't you?!"
"HUH?!"
"While I wasn't looking, you probably teleported it somewhere else!"
"WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE?! BUT NO, I DON'T HAVE IT, YOU PROBABLY STOLE IT AND TOOK IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
"I WOULDN'T BE WHINING TO YOU IF I ACTUALLY HAD IT! I WOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN LONG GONE!"
"So then, if you don't have it, and I don't have it, then who does?!"

somewhere else
"☟♏❒♏📬 ✋🕯●● ■♏♏♎ ⍓□◆ ⧫□ ♒□●♎ □■ ⧫□ ♓⧫📪" a mysterious voice said. "⬧□ ⧫♒♋⧫ ⍓□◆ ❍♋⍓ ◆■●□♍& ♓⧫⬧ ⬧♏♍❒♏⧫⬧📬"
"✋■ ♎◆♏ ⧫♓❍♏📪 ✋ ⬥♓●● ♍□❍♏ ♌♋♍& ♋■♎ ♍□●●♏♍⧫ ♓⧫ ♐□❒ ❍⍓⬧♏●♐📬"
"👎□ ⬥♓⧫♒ ♓⧫ ⬥♒♋⧫ ⍓□◆ ❍♋⍓📬 ✋ ⬥♓●● ⬧♓❍◻●⍓ ♌♏ ❒♏⬧♏♋❒♍♒♓■♑ ♓⧫ ♐❒□❍ ♋♐♋❒📬"
"👌◆⧫ ♎□■🕯⧫ ♒♋❖♏ ❄⚐⚐ ❍◆♍♒ ♐◆■ ⬥♓⧫♒ ♓⧫📬📬📬"

somewhere else, second edition
"What's this?" Twilight asked herself as she came up to a large, strange device with a board of buttons that represented letters, numbers, and symbols, and a foldable screen.
Then large letters flashed. It said "SAYING A LOT OF THINGS AS TWILIGHT SPARKLE."

Author's Note

Unfortunately there will be no segment due to a lack of creativity from the author.
The second half of the chapter is a recreation of this