On a dark night, somewhere in Ponyville, the stallion known as Juan went on a walk through a large, impregnable forrest, it was not a good one, though, as when he reached the T junction, a great feeling of unease struck him, this sadly resulted in his untimely death.

“Cum, Shishapangma”, Princess Luna screeched, calmly, it was a dark and depressing day in canterlot, sadly Juan was revived, no one knew what to do, the wonderbolts had, under orders from celestia, crashed into the castle, this was deemed as terrorism and celestia ordered the war on disharmony against the minority changelings.

Juan then woke up after being revived, and vowed eternal revenge on the royals, the princess society murdered his wife, and he is going to mess them up big time.

“shall it be the mare on the market?” Juan said,

“well, maybe, but I think weapons smuggling is good”, Rainbow Dash responded, Rainbow was a resistance fighter against the oppressive dictatorship of the two sisters, and orchestrated the war to destabilise equestria so she could bring justice to the land, her callsign was Margaret, or Snaejon in Latin. Juan then went off with Rainbow Dash, both of them carrying Ross Rifles, made by Jonathon Ross Inc, they soon decided, however, that flying was preferable to death, so they flew.

Meanwhile.

Celestia is enjoying an afternoon oil bath from the war profits, when she suddenly is highly disturbed by a great, growing presence nearby, she hops into the anti aircraft truck nearby (because Celestia hides modern tech to screw with the peasants), and lets off approximately 92 missiles. Juan and Rainbow Dash look down concernly, and decide to kamikaze into the missiles, this works, and they find Celestia, who by now is a crazed gun wielding maniac.

“I feast on the blood of the insignificant, sometimes”, Celestia says begrudgedly.

“art thou dong hiei”, Rainbow Dash replies.

“Very well then, small pony with short hooves I’ll cuck you in half” , Celestia agrees.

[KACHOW] Rainbow dash breaks Celestias neck, however it regenerates.
“Oi fuck she’s hacking”, Rainbow Dash says.

“I swear on me mother!”, Juan says in agreement, Juan runs over to the AA truck from earlier, and using some extra money he stole from illegally selling off parts of the moon to unlock premium missiles, it takes 50 seconds however for it to reload.

“OI LUV CUCK HER UP!” Juan says to Rainbow Dash aka Callsign Snaejon.

“with pleasure”, Rainbow Dash responds, Rainbow does super rainbow attack which temporarily instakills Celestia, by now the missiles have reloaded, and Juan lets them off on Celestia (who is now regenerating), however, Rainbow Dash by now was dashing towards Celestia.

Juan screams “NOOOOOOO”, The premium tier 5 missiles decimate Celestias now very dead existence, however also kill Rainbow Dash.

Ten seconds later.

“What have a done to Callsign Snaejon?”, Juan questions, Well, at least her death was not in vain, maybe Twilight can fix this up, who knows, Juan then leaves the scene before the Royal Guard comes and performs immensely uncomfortable sex on his now mentally scared psyche.

Fifthteen and a half weeks later.

“Oi Twilight I maybe just killed your pal”, Juan says sadly

“Juan! That’s not funny!” Twilight said in response.

“IM SERIOUS AND IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME I HAVE VIDEO PROOF”, Juan shouted, collectedly.

“Oh, guess Starlight is promoted then, besides, she’ll come back, right?”, Twilight questioned.

“Well that’s why I’m here, do you have a spell to fix this injustice, hm? Juan asked.

“Well no, but probably yes, there is a valley, in a land, far far away from here, like a solid 500000 hoofs that way (points north) and 700000000000 hoofs that way (points east), however to get to it, you must go through multiple forests”-

“dear god”, Juan says in response to the mentioning of forests,

“As I was saying, there’s multiple forests to reach it, at least two active volcanoes, one of which is inhabitated by the dreaded flying shark people, after those there’s twenty one canyons, the famed 20 maze formation of the late ruler, Prince Amogus, a group of tribes who are known to be very humanoid, at least and if not more than 700 river crossings, including the ponazon crossing to get to the city of Rio de Poneiro, a active war zone between the Ponitinians and Ponuguayans, and ferry service with very bad seating, the almighty ponehara desert which is famed for for the fact that no one is quite sure what it is, A hunting range, a nuclear reactor which can’t be bypassed, another forest, a lot of moorland, a ascent of Mount Fillymanejaro without oxygen, the ponestralian outback, the ponges river, and finally a gruelling and tiring boss fight with the sentient lamppost of the east”.

“Woah, that’s pretty deep”, Juan says.

“Well duh! It is the most important thing in the whole land you know?” Twilight says angrily.

“I know, it’s just frustrating, I’m going for a lie down now”, Juan says.

“Ok, good night and don’t mess this up, or I’ll have Celestia execute your ass”, Twilight threatens with intent.

“She’s fucking dead you moron, die in a hole”, Juan says accusingly.

“I will, but not before we have aggresive opposite lesbian sex together”, Twilight says.

“You’re on”, Juan says back.

A second later.

“Mmmmmmm, cum”, Twilight says.

“I know right?” Juan says. Juan inserts his obscenely large boy penis into Twilights equally large anus, this goes on for far longer than it should, some extra intercoursely actitivites occur however they are so obscene and horrific that instead I’ll sum it up now, basically. Juan starts the foreplay off by literally backflipping into Twilights tender pony pussy, this was very fun, however they went further, Juan does the same thing but in anus, causing irreparable damage to her anatomy, not anything terrible though since magic can fix it up, funny that, regardless, Juan then put his dong up Twilights throat at fucking lightspeed, prompting Twilight to utter

“OH YES MY GUY, UNFFFFFFFFFFFF”, being the slut she probably is, she pukes on his cock and then proceeds to drink it, at this point Juan runs for his life.

Twilight sits heartbroken and defeated, is this the end?
Find out next time on Epic Story, part number 2.

Author's Note

Yo this is fuckin rad dude