Chapters Twilight skimmed through the books of the Canterlot library, desperately searching for something that wasn’t Tambelonian propaganda. And then it hit her again. A massive headache, with flashes of another life, another world. A world where Grogar fell. And now it was up to her to restore it.
Two books sat side by side on a shelf, one, a yellow book with a sun, the other, a dark blue book with a moon. There was no title on either one. Twilight’s magic aura surrounded both, and tried to pull them out. They stopped partway, and the shelf slid to the side, revealing a secret entrance to... a library?
“Of course,” Twilight thought to herself, “Grogar would never have found out about the forbidden section.” Twilight’s train of thought suddenly crashed into a rock. “Wait. How did I know about this? And why did those two books have the cutie marks of Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon?” Her train of thought was then picked up by a roc, and placed back on the tracks. Twilight slowly stepped in.
Twilight’s horn lit up, revealing rows upon rows of old, dusty books. Twilight trotted over to the ones that seemed the oldest. One book’s title read “Gusty the Great and the Fall of Tambelon”.
“That’s weird,” Twilight mumbled to herself. “Tambelon hasn’t fallen yet, and Gusty the Great never stole the Bewitching Bell, locking it away behind a magical barrier on Mount Everhoof.” Twilight pondered the words that came out of her mouth. “How do I know this just by looking at the title?” The lavender unicorn turned back to look at the center of the room. On the table, lay a letter which seemed ancient.
If you want answers, go to Ponyville.
Ponyville was a deserted town. The moment Discord arrived, everypony fled to the far corners of Equestria. Buildings were turned upside down, cotton candy clouds rained chocolate milk down below, and the buffalo from Appleloosa who tried to liberate Ponyville were now dancing in tu-tus.
Suddenly, a loud burst of confetti exploded behind Twilight. The lavender unicorn turned to face a pink earth pony with a strangely poofy mane. There seemed to be a cannon sticking out from the mare’s tail. “Hi, Twilight! Discord turned evil again and took over Ponyville so I asked him to make it rain chocolate but he started singing about school books and babies dying and something about sin and pain and then this one time the sun and the moon were fighting in the sky and Discord was eating popcorn so I asked him for some...”
“Uh... who are you?” Twilight tried to say.
“... but he refused to let me have some and told me to stay away and called me a strange insane pink pony and all of our friends are missing and now I don’t know if I’m even in my own universe!” The pink pony inhaled after the last word.
“Okay...?” Twilight was completely confused by the strange pink pony that somehow knew her name. “Um, how do you know me?”
“I threw you a party when you first came to Ponyville, silly,” Pinkie replied. "We're also the bestest of friends, and Elements of Harmony! You're Magic, and I'm Laughter!" Pinkie pulled the party cannon out of her tail, and completely broke the canon. The Party Cannon Mark 84 shot a giant confetti ball so large it knocked a buffalo unconscious. “Oops, my bad!” Pinkie shouted.
Pinkie and Twilight sat opposite of each other within the crystal castle which appeared in Ponyville overnight. Another headache struck Twilight, followed by a flash of memory. A party, in a library inside a tree. Pinkie Pie laughing at more trees. Six stones shattered by Nightmare Moon. Completing a spell by Starswirl the Bearded. Being sent to another dimension- wait what? Twilight’s consciousness returned to the castle, but only for a moment, as Twilight herself disappeared into another dimension.
NightFlame and Revenant were busy playing a game of Star Wars Monopoly. A purple ball of magic appeared above the table, and it landed on the board game, destroying it.
“That cost money!” Revenant shouted. Revenant held his hand above the board, and all the pieces pieced themselves back together, and floated into the board. "Fixed enough."
“What the heck?” NightFlame exclaimed. The magic dissipated, revealing Twilight Sparkle, but now with wings. “Ohh, that was supposed to happen.” Twilight now had just as many questions as when the first flash of memory hit her.
“Who am I? Why am I? What am I?” Twilight rattled off question after question. “Who are you? Who is he? What are the memories I have?”
“You know what? I’m leaving.” Revenant stood up, picked up the pieces of his board game, and teleported away.
“Uh...” NightFlame pulled a book out of thin air, and began flipping through it. “Aha! I’m supposed to snap my fingers and turn you into an alicorn! Thank Lord Arkoos I keep story outlines everywhere!” NightFlame quickly closed the book, and snapped his fingers. Twilight was again surrounded by a ball of purple magic, and the ball of magic disappeared.
Twilight reappeared in the Castle of Friendship, but now the full package, with wings.
“Hey! Your wings are back!” Pinkie shouted enthusiastically, setting off a party landmine (is there like a party army surplus store somewhere?). "You're a princess again!
Twilight greeted the pink pony. “Hi, Pinkie.”
“Yay! You remember me!” Pinkie started bouncing up and down and all around, and crashed through the ceiling. Bits and pieces of the ceiling rained down onto the ground. Twilight poked her out the window, and saw a pink streaked comet racing towards the Everfree Forest. Another note appeared, this time right above Twilight’s head. Twilight pulled it down, and read:
Nightmare Moon is, and always is, your first test. She usually is in Canterlot, guarded by the demon known as Rusty Armor, except for one day every year, where she goes to the Everfree Forest. Arise, warrior. The battle has only just begun. It's time to break free.
Twilight rolled up the letter, and ran after Pinkie Pie.
Author's Note
Pinkie broke the canon. Not the cannon, the canon.
NightFlame appeared before the god-king Loomis. Loomis’s glowing crown floated above his head.
“You’re playing a risky game here.”
“There’s only one possible way it could fail. There is no way it could happen.”
“Even your so-called side project ended in a catastrophic failure.”
NightFlame simply shook his head. “Everything is going to plan. My so-called failure was completely planned. Even then, it will take so much more than all of Void Creature’s power to break through the Endless Void.”
“What the heck is the Endless Void? And why did you never tell me about it?”
“Think of the Underwaters of Fifth Shiver. I presume you are familiar with the tale of Kaleth Emprex?”
Loomis nodded. “I see. It is a secret that you keep as it becomes more dangerous the more people know about it.”
Twilight caught up to Pinkie almost immediately, as Pinkie was staring at a frog shaped like an orange.
“Hey, uh, Pinkie?” Pinkie spun around at an extremely dangerous speed while vibrating excessively.
The two ponies stared at each other for a brief moment, before Pinkie returned to her normal bouncing. Pinkie grabbed Twilight and sped off. As the forest raced past, Pinkie began exposition.
“There’s more baddies than you think! It’s more-” Pinkie crashed into a tree with a monstrous face. “Ooh, scary tree!” A small brown shape raced across the path. “Oh look, a squirrel!” Pinkie bounced off after the squirrel. Twilight facehoofed.
Soon, they encountered a manticore. The manticore roared. Pinkie Pie wore a strange excited smile on her face. Twilight lifted the manticore’s paw up with her magic, but found no thorn. She levitated the entire manticore, and found no thorn. Twilight screamed in rage, and teleported directly to the castle.
Nightmare Moon stood at the window, watching the outside. The moon shone beautifully in the night sky. Only one throne sat in the center, emblazoned with a crescent moon. A white unicorn with a wonderfully styled purple mane appeared to be talking to Nightmare Moon.
Twilight reluctantly approached Rarity and Nightmare Moon. Nightmare Moon turned around.
“Well, well, well, if it isn't Twilight Sparkle. All of you were supposed to be separated, with no way of all six of you coming together again, but now, half of you are in this one room.” Nightmare Moon stepped down onto the ground. “But here’s the thing. Your friend Rarity is completely under my control. He made sure of that.” Twilight noticed that Rarity’s eyes had no soul within.
“What did you do?” Twilight charged her magic.
“Oh, I did nothing. But you know what? I’m getting tired of this. Have fun!” Nightmare Moon laughed maniacally, and teleported both herself and Rarity away.
Four snarling timberwolves appeared in the doorway. Twilight turned around, and blasted the first timberwolf into firewood. Twilight lifted another into the air, and threw it into the wall. The wall turned around, and the timberwolf was flung outside.
Outside, the timberwolf howled at the full moon. More howls came from the forest.
The last two timberwolves chased Pinkie Pie down the hall. Pinkie leaped over a portion of the floor, landing on a tile. The floor opened beneath the timberwolves, and they fell through. Pinkie bounced through the internet back to Twilight.
“Black Snooty, Black Snooty, come out wherever you are!” Pinkie enthusiastically bounced around, shouting.
Seven timberwolves appeared in the entrance to the castle. The timberwolves slowly made their way to the throne room.
“Do you prefer Queen Meanie?” Pinkie was now nothing more than a pink blur. “Hokey Smokes?” As Pinkie bounced around the throne room, seven timberwolves marched in. Twilight charged up her magic to turn another into firewood, but the first wolf tackled the pink party pony from the sky. Pinkie grabbed Twilight, broke through the fourth wall, and jumped down the staircase.
The timberwolves followed the two ponies through a different path.
The seven timberwolves chased Twilight and Pinkie down the Hall of Hooves. One of the walls turned, and two more timberwolves appeared. The nine timberwolves began closing in on Twilight and Pinkie. Twilight’s horn lit up, and a blast of magic shot out, and one timberwolf collapsed into a pile of sticks.
The eight remaining timberwolves pounced. Pinkie pulled out her party cannon, but it jammed. Pinkie hit the cannon several times, and it shot a ball of concentrated confetti and cake, splattering all over three wolves. The wolves vanished in a puff of smoke. The five remaining timberwolves hid behind a wall.
A wisp of blue starry smoke appeared in the window. The wisp grew in size, until it grew to the size of Nightmare Moon herself.
The wisp partially morphed into a dragon. The beast roared at the two ponies. Twilight’s memory recalled one word: Tantabus.
“Pinkie! This thing feeds off your worst nightma-” Twilight couldn’t finish the sentence, as a flying book smacked her in the face. The book transformed into a cake, and the book cake chased Pinkie around the room.
The Tantabus tossed assorted objects at Twilight. Among those objects were four watermelons, three pineapples, two bits, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Pinkie Pie pulled a party sniper rifle out of her tail, and suddenly disappeared. The Tantabus stumbled. Confetti exploded out of the Tantabus’s head.
The Tantabus morphed into a more centaur-like shape. The centaur Tantabus fired a blast of magic from between its horns. Pinkie and Twilight ran as fast as they could, escaping the Tantabus's wrath.
The five remaining timberwolves burst out from behind the wall they were hiding behind. Twilight levitated one into the air, and rotated it to face the other four. The magic aura disappeared from around the timberwolf in the air, and it shot at the other four so fast it created a rainbow explosion behind it. The impact destroyed four timberwolves, but the last wolf grew in size. The Tantabus appeared behind it. The Alpha Timberwolf howled, and the Tantabus once again changed shape, to that of a large unicorn.
The Alpha Timberwolf charged Pinkie Pie, slamming both itself and the pink earth pony through the wall.
“Whee! This is fun!” Pinkie excitedly shouted. Her voice echoed off of every surface in the area. Pinkie wriggled free of the Alpha Timberwolf’s grasp, and brought her hoof down on it. The Alpha Timberwolf shook the party pony off of itself, and turned to face Pinkie Pie.
The Tantabus threw a steak into Twilight’s horn, and then another, and another, until the lavender alicorn was completely covered in steaks.
Pinkie smashed the Alpha Timberwolf through the floor, and tossed it through the fourth wall, hitting a random reader in the face. The Alpha Timberwolf howled at the moon in the real world, and leaped through the screen back into the story. Pinkie placed a party landmine down on the ground, just where the Alpha Timberwolf landed. The party landmine exploded, covering the Alpha Timberwolf in ice cream, cake, and ice cream cake.
Twilight teleported out of the steaks, and charged horn first at the Tantabus. The attack phased through the Tantabus, and Twilight crashed into the wall. The Tantabus turned to face Twilight, who was now completely stuck in the wall.
The Alpha Timberwolf shook off the sweets. Pinkie pulled a party gatling gun out of her mane, and started rapid-firing random party favors. The Alpha Timberwolf growled. Pinkie bounced excitedly, placing party landmines everywhere. The Alpha Timberwolf stepped on two landmines at the same time, just as Pinkie tossed a party grenade into its face. The Alpha Timberwolf stepped off the landmines, and was immediately shot by Pinkie’s new party bazooka. The Alpha Timberwolf exploded into confetti, cake, and wood.
“Fatality,” a voice announced from the sky.
The Tantabus charged at Twilight, who was still struggling to get out of the wall. It suddenly halted.
“Good work, my little Tantie.” Nightmare Moon re-appeared between the battlers. Pinkie bounced up from the hole in the floor. Twilight pulled herself out of the wall.
“Where have you been?” Twilight demanded. Nightmare Moon giggled.
"Bet you didn't see this coming!"
Without any time to ask questions, the Alpha Timberwolf burst into the room, still slightly caked with cake, and now tied together with vines. The Alpha Timberwolf snarled at the trio, sending a wave of dark energy throughout the room. The dark energy managed to end Nightmare Moon's control over Rarity.
Pinkie Pie pulled a party chainsaw out of her tail. The Alpha Timberwolf snarled again, and slowly advanced towards the party pony. Pinkie revved up the chainsaw, and sawed through the Alpha Timberwolf’s leg with sharpened pinata sticks attached to the “weapon”. The leg fell off as expected, but reattached itself with something like magnetism. Vines immediately grew to bond the leg back to the main body.
“Its body can’t be destroyed!” Twilight shouted at Pinkie. Rarity crouched in the corner, poking a specific brick in the wall. The brick fell out, as well as a small bomb. The bomb immediately disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Pinkie stopped her attack on the Alpha Timberwolf. The three ponies peered into the hole in the wall. As their backs were turned, the Alpha Timberwolf slowly slunk forward.
“Alright, if I can just...” Twilight stared through to the other side. Her horn lit up, and the three friends teleported to the other side of the hole, just as the Alpha Timberwolf pounced.
A magic pop flashed in front of Nightmare Moon. The ponies stood in front of the black alicorn.
“So, you passed each test with memory, ingenuity, and a will of fire. You’re missing the banana, door handle, and stop sign.”
Pinkie reached into her tail, rummaged through old candy wrappers, a papier-mâché head of Eminem, the entire White House, and a pineapple pizza and ripped out a banana shaped stop sign. “Is this good enough?” the pink pony asked.
Nightmare Moon smashed her hoof into her face. As she looked up, she said, “You're still missing the door handle.”
“Ohhh.” Pinkie pulled down on the top of the screen and blackened the entire area, as well as blinding everyone.
“What did you just do?” an unknown voice asked.
“What just happened?” asked a second voice.
“Where did the story go?” asked a third.
A comically muscular white pegasus pushed the black out of the way, and fell through the floor.
Nightmare Moon stared in horror as a banana golem wielded a stop sign in its hands. A door handle carved as a helmet sat atop its head. The banana golem swung, and Nightmare Moon instantly turned back into Princess Luna.
"Wat," Luna said, perfectly encapsulating the mood of pretty much everyone in the room, including the invisible dude.
A pony made of shadows floated in the endless void. Three tendrils of energy were attached to its wings, one blue, one orange, and one black. The blue tendril snapped.
“Hmmm. Nightmare Moon has fallen. But there are so many more before she actually becomes a threat.” A yellow tendril connected itself to the Pony of Shadows, followed by a red, lilac, green, and white.
The Pony of Shadows turned to a cage that wasn't there ten seconds ago. He had one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony locked in there, as well as the Pillars of Old Equestria. The Emperor wasn't taking any chances. He had ordered all six to be separated with no chance of coming back together, but the Pony of Shadows knew something the Emperor didn't. He knew the power of plot convenience and deus ex machina.
The Emperor was at least smart enough to keep some magical items as a last resort, just in case they did somehow win. The Pony of Shadows knew that the power of children's cartoon protagonists would already be enough to defeat the Emperor.
The Pony of Shadows looked upon his other prisoners. Stygian, Tempest Shadow, and a unicorn who he didn't recognize but apparently was once Princess Celestia's student. A flying Star Wars Monopoly board caught the Pony of Shadows's attention. He tore open a rift into another world, and absorbed his alternate self.
Absorbing alternate versions of himself was something he did often. There weren't that many left. Each time he did so, he grew more powerful. He would soon exceed the power of the Emperor himself. He could choose to betray the Emperor, but some stupid thing called loyalty prevented him. The Emperor, the Lightning King, and himself would be the greatest trio the multiverse had ever seen.
As he conjured shadow popcorn and ate it, he looked into alternate worlds. He contacted an old friend and told him to hunt down the Element Bearers of that universe. He then asked the Emperor to send an object to help with the Predator's mission.
Soon enough, there would be no Elements of Harmony capable of defeating the Emperor or the Grand Empire of yo this is a spoiler.
Author's Note
... uh... um... there is no prequel I swear to god no don't look in my stories list for the prequel it doesn't exist
Anyway there's 69 paragraphs
Commander Rainbow “Danger” Dash of the 107th aerial combat wing was resting after an intense battle against King Sombra. During a previous battle, one of her wings was sliced off by a crystal spike erupting from the ground at speeds only she could match.
The most recent battle, however, was the worst one yet. The Pie sisters, Pinkie and Maud, both were killed by enslaved crystal ponies. The ponies had been freed from Sombra’s control, thankfully, but it didn’t change the fact that two of her best friends had been killed. She was mostly over the grief. Mostly.
Rainbow Dash’s thoughts were interrupted by Lightning Dust entering the room. The other pegasus was panting, as if she had just escaped from something, or if there was something urgent.
“Captain, something wiped out an entire patrol. General Sentry told me to inform you.” Ponies ran screaming past the door. “Oh look, it’s here now.”
A unicorn stopped in front of the door. “You have to help, we’re not gonna-” The unicorn suddenly was engulfed by red and black mist. Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust stared in horror as the red mist moved closer, spitting out bones along the way. The bones seemed to glitch out of existence, and joined with the red mist.
A black quadrupedal reptilian wolf with yellow stripes running down both sides appeared from within the mist. It pounced onto Lightning Dust. The moment the beast touched Lightning Dust, the screaming outside ceased, and Lightning Dust fell limp. The beast’s razor sharp teeth easily tore through the pegasus. Where blood should have been, the red mist poured out instead.
“Wh-what are you?” Rainbow asked.
“You may call me... Predator.” Predator stepped towards Rainbow Dash. Rainbow backed into a wall. “Do not worry. This world was never meant to exist anyway.”
“Holy Ara-” Rainbow Dash never finished that sentence, because at that moment, the red mist consumed the world.
Princess Luna had already left to patrol Equestria, wiping out smaller threats as she went. The new empire that had formed overnight was strange, especially since some of the emperor’s subordinates wouldn’t be caught dead following another.
Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity trudged through the Everfree Forest. Pinkie had brought up the idea of searching for the rest of their friends, starting with Fluttershy. They could swing by Zecora’s hut before heading back to Ponyville, to see how Zecora was doing.
Twilight quickly decided against checking on Zecora. The zebra shaman had survived years in the Everfree alone, so she was probably fine. The gang trudged onward. Soon, they arrived at the very edge of Ponyville, at Fluttershy’s house. Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen.
They had ignored Sweet Apple Acres because Pinkie Pie already checked. There were no ponies to be found, and all
When Twilight Sparkle left, Ponyville seemed relatively normal. Now, buildings were floating upside-down, giant bananas pelted ponies with apples, and walking turds were everywhere. Buffalo ballet danced across the screen. Above Sugarcube Corner floated a throne made of petrified ponies. Sitting on that throne was none other than the Lord of Chaos himself, Discord.
Entropy
Discord laughed to himself as seven glowing gemstones floated around him. Twilight steadied herself and prepared to confront her former friend.
“Discord!” she yelled at the draconequus. “Why are you doing this? Whatever happened to harmony in chaos?”
A sign that read “No creature has ever said that” dropped down in front of Twilight. A buffalo in a tutu danced past, bumping into Pinkie. The pink pony giggled. A banana lobbed apples towards the trio of ponies, which were all swallowed by Pinkie Pie. Confetti rained from the side, flying every which way. Griffons in clown costumes gathered the confetti into barrels.
Twilight floated herself up to Discord’s throne, meeting him at eye level. “Stop this madness. Now.”
Discord quickly checked an iPad. “Ooh, he’s going slightly out of order. This should be fun.” He scrolled through something. “Ah yes, the script.” He snapped his talons and the iPad disappeared in a puff of smoke, replaced by a stack of papers. “If you want your precious Elements of Harmony, the boss’s second in command has them,” Discord read from the paper. “If you think- oh what fun is there in a script?” The script erupted into flames.
Discord snapped his paw, causing a tower of cards to fall downward. Pinkie Pie bounced up, scattering the cards into the wind. A Chimera and a Manticore roared from behind. The Manticore swiped at Rarity, who avoided the attack. Her tail, however, was not so lucky.
Rarity screamed something obscene at the Manticore. Discord snapped his paw once again, teleporting Rarity and the Manticore somewhere else.
Twilight dropped down to engage the Chimera. The Chimera’s tiger head breathed a stream of fire at Twilight. Twilight set up a shield, then surrounded the Chimera with pillars of pure magic. The Chimera’s snake head weaved through the pillars and launched itself at Twilight. Stretching unnaturally, it wrapped around Twilight’s body, and pulled her into the ring.
Several turds made their way to Pinkie Pie. Each poop was attached to a string which led back to Discord’s throne. One of the poops disconnected their strings and glued it to Pinkie Pie. The string pulled her all the way up to the throne, and she flew far away, back into the Everfree Forest.
Twilight created a magical shield around herself, which was a bubble with magical orbs inside . The Chimera slashed at the bubble, but the more it attacked, the more the magical orbs fired lasers at it. The Chimera’s goat head breathed a stream of fire at the shield, which harmlessly bounced off.
Twilight recalled something about the original Chimera and marshmallows of the lead variety. She summoned a marshmallow shaped piece of lead to appease the Chimera. She held it out, depowering the shield as she did so. The Chimera’s jaguar head sniffed at the marshmallow, and swallowed it whole. The moment it did so, the pillars of fire sunk back into the ground, and the Chimera ran away.
Pies immediately splattered the underside of literally everyone except for Discord. The Lord of Chaos read and reread the piece of paper in his hands talon and paw. “An animal corpse, a human arm, a scented candle, five gallons of essential oils…” He tossed the paper to the ground, which vanished in a puff of smoke. “Where’s the fun in following the rules?” Discord spread his arms out causing hundreds of cannons to appear in the air. The cannons fired, sending confetti everywhere.
“Whee!” shouted Pinkie Pie as she bounced back into view, string disconnected. Hundreds of other identical ponies bounced after her. Discord facepawed. A roc dropped a boulder onto the Pinkie clones, leaving a bright pink stain of the purple grass.
“That was fun! Let’s do it again!” Pinkie was now bouncing at the same height as Discord.
“Even though you are my favorite element, I still have to make it rain poop.”
What does that have to do with anything? Wondered Twilight. A cotton candy cloud stopped raining chocolate milk and started raining diarrhea, but with no smell. Pinkie didn’t notice and drank some brown liquid. She immediately spat it out.
“That milk was bitter!” Pinkie complained. She reached into her tail and pulled out a hose, not visibly attached to anything. Pinkie Pie turned on the hose and rinsed her mouth out.
Discord faceclawed. “I already said that wasn’t going to be milk.” One of the poops melted and evaporated into the sky, turning into a cloud. The cloud rained down more diarrhea, this time with all the smell.
A statue of a gray unicorn with a black mane and eyes nearly identical to Discord’s and a cutie mark of a tornado dropped to the ground from Discord’s throne and unpetrified. The unicorn tossed a poop into a flying ceiling fan with levitation.
“Shit just hit the fan,” said the unicorn. Discord snapped his paw, and the unicorn poofed out of existence.
“You may have used a banana golem wielding a stop sign to defeat Nightmare Moon, but that won’t work on me!” Discord paused, then quietly added, “The only thing that would work is Fluttershy, but you won’t find her anytime soon.”
Twilight internally just gave up on negotiating and flew herself up to Discord. She waved a hoof through Discord’s face.
“You really think I would still be here, after all this time? Well, I left the moment you three set hoof back in Ponyville! Speaking of three, you really should go find Rarity now. Ta-ta!” Discord vanished in a puff of smoke. Sitting where Discord―or rather, his illusion―vanished from was a note, surrounded by red mist. “THIS IS AN ILLUSION, OPEN UP YOUR EYES”
The red mist dissipated, revealing the real Discord, appearing to talk to a human with a naval hat. The human had a meat stick in his mouth.
“...well you see, McFlap, there was a little "thing" that came up,” Discord said to the human. The human, named McFlap, seemed to not be surprised.
“You know how you have to make sure everything goes exactly according to plan,” McFlap replied.
Discord nodded. “It was all part of the boss's plan. Don’t worry, I won’t let the Crown down. Hmm. That rhymes.”
“Good. And Agent Discord, do not let you-know-who distract you.”
“You got it, general!” Discord saluted with a disembodied arm. Discord’s lion paw reached out to grab his arm and he reattached it to himself. The hologram of McFlap vanished. Discord looked down to see Twilight listening.
“How much of that did you hear?” he asked.
“Just the last bit,” Twilight replied.
“Well, you’ve passed every test.” Discord quickly checked his iPad. “And it looks like I am needed elsewhere!” Discord disappeared in a puff of smoke and pigasi.
It took a while, but all the petrified ponies from Discord’s throne were finally free. Big Mac, Mayor Mare, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, Cheerilee, Lyra and Sweetie Drops, Cheese Sandwich, and many more I’m too lazy to add all expressed their thanks, as well as the horrors of being stuck in stone and having a nose itch.
Rarity returned from fighting the Manticore. She seemed perfectly fine other than her mane being completely ruined. “I just don’t know how Fluttershy does it,” she had said.
The Chimera and Manticore were placed into what remained of Fluttershy’s animal sanctuary as guard beasts.
Everything else caused by Discord was still being fixed. Twilight looked out on a newly freed Ponyville, ready for whatever came next. For now, they would begin a revolution. To free their planet from the villains who ruled. To save their world from whatever dark forces had spread.
Discord appeared in a dark throne room. The silhouette of a horned equine sat on the throne. A spotlight turned on, shining on the draconequus.
“Discord! To what do I owe the honor of you visiting me here?”
Discord took a deep breath in. “I need you to delay Twilight Sparkle on her journey to the north. By any means necessary.”
Another spotlight turned on, shining onto a cage in the corner. An azure unicorn sat inside the cave. She raised her hoof to block the light. Trixie , thought Discord. The once great and powerful illusionist reeked of fear
“How long has she been here?” Discord inquired.
“Since day one,” replied the black monarch. Discord turned to leave. “You can stay.”
“Thank you.”
“Guest rooms are down the hall,” said the monarch, pointing towards a door.
After Discord left the room, the black monarch turned to Trixie. “As for you, Miss Lulamoon, you’ll require a special brand of... magic for your mission..” A green glow levitated a shadowy object towards Trixie’s cage. As the shadows dissipated, Trixie could see the Alicorn Amulet.
“No... not again,” she muttered. The shadowy monarch didn’t care, and slid it between the bars. “I won’t let it happen again!” The Alicorn Amulet touched itself to Trixie, and vanished. From where it touched, black and green magic spread throughout Trixie’s entire body.
Author's Note
I googled the taste of poop for the scene where Pinkie accidentally drinks diarrhea. Totally not personal experience.
Predator returned to his nest. He was the only one who called it his nest, since everyone else, especially Dark Lord, referred to it as the “Prey Zone”.
He had destroyed a total of six universes. There were escapees, but they only escaped because he let them escape. King Sombra was the most recent one to escape his wrath. The plan was to recruit them into the Horde of the Void.
Predator stepped onto his bed. It was a dog bed. Magical Douchebag replaced the original haystack with this as a joke, but Predator didn't mind. He circled around it three times and took a nap.
When he woke up, Fortnite was standing in the corner menacingly. Predator stood up from where he slept. “Void Creature questions your loyalty. You did not assist me when I required help, and Satanic Cultist’s life was put in danger because of you.”
“You killed my best friend,” Fortnite said bluntly. “You killed him without any reason. I’m loyal to him, not you. As for the others, they didn’t care at all. You left Backwards for dead, you let our allies die.”
“And even now, you dare enter my lair?”
“... aren’t you supposed to be preparing for that one demon horse guy to destroy the world?”
“This isn’t over.” Predator flicked some fire from his tail onto Fortnite, teleporting him away.
Ah, Canterlot. The capital of Equestria. Or it was, in another world. One lost to time. In those days, Canterlot was a bustling metropolis. Filled with mostly unicorns, though there was the occasional pegasus or earth pony. There were important ponies here, once. Slowly but surely, everypony, from Fancy Pants to Captain Shining Armor and even that random pony that arrived from Manehattan to sell hats all were imprisoned.
Now only Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie wandered the streets. Rarity had avoided the trip due to “Not wanting to fight ‘uncouth’ changelings without a wedding to attend afterward”.
That was entirely understandable. No one wanted to do battle without a victory party afterward. Twilight had guessed based on previous patterns that they would have to fight Queen Chrysalis in Canterlot next.
As they were still on the streets, a manhole cover (wait should it be called ponyhole or something?) slid open. Twilight half-expected some creature to come out of the sewers, and half-expected the cover to turn into Discord. Neither were true. Instead, the sewers transformed into the same gray unicorn stallion which was once a statue on Discord’s throne.
The unicorn looked worse than before. He now had eyes so yellow anyone would be forgiven if they thought he had jaundice. A single fang poked sideways out of his mouth. Two new horns grew out from his head, one a deer antler, the other a goat horn.
Everything about the unicorn screamed Discord to Twilight. So she asked the strange pony a question, “Who are you?”
“I go by many names,” the unicorn said in a strange, almost mystic voice. “Some call me Chaos Theory. Some call me Insurgency. The serpent Apophis.” Chaos Theory vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a hat he wasn’t even wearing.
“Ooh, free hat!” Pinkie picked up the hat and placed it on her head.
“But most know me as...” The voice came from nowhere and everywhere. It was from above, from below, from the sides, coming out of the walls, out of my fridge... wait, that shouldn’t be happening. I’m gonna go check on it. Parentheses Guy, it’s your job now!
(Wait I don’t know how to narrate- oh uh, let’s see. Pinkie’s hat just popped off her head and a head that realistically shouldn’t have been able to fit in there popped out. A very recognizable head. Kinda unmistakable, since it was one of a kind, and there was only one of his species known to the entirety of the world wide web, not counting OCs. Unless you count Eris but I don't. Oh wait I’m getting off track. This is why they don’t let me do the narrating. Oh hey he’s back.)
Okay I’m back so it turns out Discord invaded my fridge. Not the Lord of Chaos or anything, but the app. The one for chatting and stuff. Let’s get back into-
“You aren’t going anywhere, Mr. Narrator.” Discord’s disembodied head seemed to be speaking to no one in particular.
“Hi Mr. Narrator! Do you want a party?” Pinkie Pie also seemed to be able to see this Narrato- wait one gosh darn second, that’s me!
“Why yes it is you [REDACTED].” Haha! Editor prevented you from swearing! Take that, Discord!
“You’re no fun.” Discord’s head plopped out of the hat and rolled to a stop at a very conveniently placed potted plant. A lion paw reached out from within the plant and placed the disembodied head of Discord on top of the plant. The plant slowly morphed into Discord’s more familiar body. “And could you also stop narrating everything I do!?”
I’m sorry! I haven’t really met that many people that could see me before! Can you two just not acknowledge my existence long enough for people to enjoy what’s happening?
“Sure!” Pinkie enthusiastically agreed.
“Okay, fine,” Discord said defeatedly. “This does not mean I will stop sending Other Discord to invade your fridge.”
Can you don’t? Thanks. Anyway, where were we?
Twilight had a really, and I mean really, confused look on her face (Sorry Twilight, it’s not our fault). Her mouth was open as if she was going to question something, but she closed it, remembering not to question Pinkie, or Discord for that matter.
“So uh, Discord, are we friends now?” she asked.
“Absol utely not!” Discord exclaimed, taking on the appearance of a quadrupedal creature with white fur and a blue body. A single curved horn in the shape of a slightly deformed crescent moon jutted out of one side of its head. “Get it? Cuz Absol?”
Discord. Like Takiza said in Shark Wars: Razor’s Edge chapter 5, don’t make jokes unless they’re funny.
“Sorry.”
Discord poofed himself away, as did Parentheses Guy, who had actually just fallen asleep on his keyboard (iafoghjklsfdjklsadgjlk).
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie continued onward. The city seemed deserted, as if not even a single rat dared to make a wrong move lest they be instantly incinerated where they stood (I swear to god this isn’t foreshadowing for Daybreaker being the villain of this chapter(s)! It’s just a coincidence that Daybreaker rules over Canterlot and they’re here looking for Chrysalis!). Oh so now you’re awake (yep. Nice ten second nap).
“Can you not have a conversation without us?” Pinkie asked no one in particular ayo it’s Bracket Guy don’t know why you guys don’t ever call me in for these things [why u bully me?] Because you don’t have proper grammar. [oufch]
“Okay so let me tell you about my day-” Pinkie attempted to get a full sentence out to the gods in a higher dimension known as ‘Reality’.
“CAN YOU NOT TALK TO THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD FOR FIVE SECONDS!?” Twilight almost initiated her Royal Canterlot Voice. If she had, the entire city would have heard, and she, Pinkie Pie, and all of the random potted plants littered around the road (why are they there?) would have been arrested.
“Sorry.” Sorry (sorry) [sorry] {sorry} (no one invited you) {*cries* }.
Pinkie Pie bounced onward, trying to ignore the fact that she could somehow hear me even though I am literally just words on a screen combined with the figment of the Author’s imagination (aren’t we all?).
Twilight tried her hardest to forget what had just happened. It was too strange to comprehend, even with her somewhat superior mind.
They soon arrived at Canterlot Castle, the successor to the Castle of the Two Sisters. Except not really since said two sisters each had their own castle, one in Canterlot, one in the Everfree.
The castle wasn’t white and gold like they were used to. Instead, the castle was colored orange, red, yellow, and a teensy bit of black, as if the architect built it for a being made of fire.
“This doesn’t look like where we would find Queen Chrysalis,” Twilight quietly noted to herself.
“Of course not, my little Twi-Twi,” a familiar voice that sounded suspiciously like someone named John said, “That would be me!” A poof came from somewhere behind them. Both Twilight and Pinkie turned to face the newcomer.
“The Grrrrreat and Powerful Trrrixie!” a pony that sounded nothing like a John and instead sounded more like a Trixie popped out of some conveniently placed bushes. “Seriously though, Trixie needs money. Gold, silver, magical artifacts, Happy Meal toys, whatever you have.”
“Uhh…” Twilight stood there for a solid ten minutes. Twilight.EXE has stopped working.
“Don’t worry about her!” Pinkie brushed off her friend’s glitching.
“Trixie thinks that’s not natural,” Trixie pointed out the obvious. “Twilight should get that checked out.”
As IT Guy rebooted Twilight, the lavender alicorn finally spoke, “I’m okay!” Trixie stared wide eyed at what just happened. Meanwhile, Pinkie paid no attention.
“I can speak in emojis! Look! 👻🥳🥸🎃🤜🐱.” Going against the laws of basically everything, somehow Pinkamena Diane Pie spoke in emojis. The Physics Police did not like that.
“Pinkamena Diane 🥧!” the Physics Police shouted (with the last part somehow actually being an emoji). “You are under arrest for violating the laws of physics!”
NightFlame poofed into existence at that exact moment. “Calm down guys, she has a license.”
“God dammit we’re useless,” the Physics Police said. They left soon after, without explanation, and without going through any sort of door or any conceivable way to leave an area.
Unfortunately, Twilight.EXE stopped working again.
“Screw this,” NightFlame muttered, “I’m not gonna be a part of this.” He vanished as quickly as he appeared.
“Trixie shall come back another day,” Trixie offered. Trixie reached into her cloak and removed the Alicorn Amulet. She placed it inside a wooden box, which she promptly shipped to Zecora. She then dropped a smoke bomb and ran away.
Twilight.EXE failed to process what just happened and collapsed. As she was unconscious, Pinkie pulled out two train tickets to the Crystal Empire.
Pinkie Pie dragged her unresponsive friend all the way to the train station, somehow hitting every bump in the road on the way. When Twilight.EXE finally started up again, she seemed visibly confused.
Princess Luna landed in the Farlands, near the end of the world. She sensed a threat to Equestria in the area. The island she was on had a dense forest. She carefully proceeded into the trees.
Unlike the Everfree, there was no clear path to follow. She was in uncharted territory. Even though she wasn’t like her sister in the way that she would have prophetic dreams, she did know that her dreams would never lie.
Luna continued onward. There was a beast on the island. A wolf, to be precise. One that seemed like it should be familiar. She looked back. There was no one behind her, yet she still felt like something was hunting her.
She had dispatched King Longhorn very easily. Rabia was like nothing. Princess Eris, two Windigos, the Sphinx, and some white-furred mountain creature called a Yeti all fell to the Princess of the Night. Hopefully, whatever this was, it wouldn’t be too much harder.
Luna stopped. Paw prints. She was on the right track. Luna heard the sound of wood on dirt behind her. She whipped her head around. She was right. The beast had followed her. The Alpha Timberwolf’s gaze fell on her.
She stopped all moving. The creature was now almost as tall as a fully charged Lord Tirek. The Alpha Timberwolf sniffed Luna. When the massive beast backed up, its tongue fell out to the side. It barked (pun totally intended). It playfully rolled over and licked Luna all over.
And Luna let it happen.
McFlap placed his pistol on the counter and plopped himself down on a chair. He waited for what seemed like an eternity until NightFlame arrived out of the door in the back.
“I know you’re not the real McFlap,” NightFlame said without even greeting the man. “McFlap is dead, and he has been for a long time.” The false McFlap acted as if nothing happened.
“My name is Douglas MacArthur. Not the real one of course, but I am McFlap’s brother, and would be a great asset to you after what happened.”
“I don’t care at this point, welcome to the squad.” NightFlame handed MacArthur a sheet of paper with several dates written on it next to some names. Some of the names were perfectly normal, like Lars, Phil, and Jack, but some were pretty out of place. Those names included Sunset Shimmer on one column, and Chrysalis, Starlight Glimmer, Tirek, and Grogar on the other. The only difference was column one was filled with hand-written names, and column two’s names were printed.
“What do I do with this?” asked MacArthur.
“Sign your name on one of the empty boxes in column one. We’ll provide you a date, and you’ll go fight them on that date.” NightFlame left the area.
MacArthur decided to sign his name on ‘Starlight’, because it seemed like the least threatening name. Before he could put pen to paper, however, NightFlame poked his head back through.
“By the way, some of them might already be defeated before you can fight them, so you can’t even be ten minutes late to the time we’ll give you the day before you fight them. Do not miss your opportunity. If you succeed, you’re in the team. If you fail, you’re fired. Not like you can’t work here anymore, more like I’m firing you from a cannon into the trajectory of a rocket headed into space.”
MacArthur took in what NightFlame said, and signed his name on ‘Starlight Glimmer’. NightFlame took the form, grabbed a random potted plant, and left.
Author's Note
Uh, this is kinda getting out of hand, since there’s so many fourth wall breakers now. Oh dear god why is Rick Sanchez in my living room?
Rick Sanchez: Morty, I think we entered the real world.*sound of window breaking due to a jar of pickles being yeeted into the neighbor’s house*
Anyway potted plants yes
Princess Luna and her strange new pet entered the winter wasteland which was formerly known as Yakyakistan. It had been a whole four hours since the Alpha Timberwolf had joined her on her quest to vanquish smaller threats while Twilight and her friends focused on taking out the big villains.
As they continued onward, Luna noticed a small hut alone in the snow. There were no structures anywhere else nearby, pony-made or otherwise. Mount Everhoof in the background was the closest one.
The Alpha Timberwolf tensed as soon as it noticed the hut. From what Luna had noticed about the timberwolf’s behavior, that meant there was danger. The princess of the night slowly made her way to the door.
The hut was made of mismatched types of wood, and the architecture resembled the huts of Yakyakistan. She tentatively pushed the door open.
The inside was far more spacious than the outside would have suggested. The door led straight into some sort of cafeteria. The Alpha Timberwolf sat outside the door and whimpered. Luna briefly glanced back before continuing.
She exited the cafeteria to notice two corpses of hairless apes, one still burning and the other with a knife in its back. She stepped back into the cafeteria to exit through the other side, which revealed a door which she presumed to have been formerly locked. A clear, sticky liquid covered the floor, and a note read “i SnOrT fLeX gLuE eVeRyDaY aWwW yEaH cAn'T sToP mE nOwWwWw”. The sign on the door was smudged, but Luna barely made out the words “Phil Swift clone #16”.
As she continued down the hallway, she passed what she presumed to be the kitchen with a corpse sliced in half lying on the floor. For some reason, the blood had been mopped up, but the corpse was left there.
Luna quickly found what she presumed to be the office of whoever owned the place. She knocked. Ten seconds passed, and she pushed the door open with her magic. Inside, there was a desk. On top of the desk, there was a laptop, a very small fish tank, a nuclear launch button, and a potted cactus. Behind the desk, there was a red and black gamer chair. Sitting on the chair was a light brown-haired human with green eyes. A golden crown floated above his head. He seemed to be drawing something in a notebook.
“Ahem,” Luna said, breaking the silence, “someone needs to clean up the corpses in the hall.”
“The janitor removed the ones in the cafeteria after we let him out,” the human said without looking up. “I think he also mopped up blood and guts from the corpse in the kitchen. I’ll clean them up once I decide to turn on the respawn generator.”
“I could clean that up right now,” Luna suggested.
“I kinda need to shove them into my glorified meat grinder so I can respawn them.” The human put his notebook down and checked the laptop. “We have two openings in our Equestrian branch. You want a job?”
“I am the princess of an entire nation. I don’t need a job.”
“You can do it for free,” the human said, “or alternatively, my guys can take over Equestria in sixty days.”
“... fine.”
The train pulled into the Crystal Empire. Or it would have, if it didn’t get derailed by a rock placed on the rails. The train flew off the tracks, did a triple flip in the air, killed at least six ducks, two pigeons, and an unidentified species of bird, and landed perfectly on top of the Crystal Heart.
Twilight woke up from the absolute chaos that happened. “Whu-what? Where are we?”
“We’re in the Crystal Empire, silly!” Pinkie explained without a smile. Not that she wasn’t smiling, she probably was, but she didn’t have a mouth. Her voice seemed to be coming from underneath a seat. Pinkie Pie reached her hoof underneath and pulled out a mouth. She slapped it on herself.
“What? What happened to Chrysalis?”
“Nothing! Trixie happened!” Once Pinkie finished the sentence, Trixie’s hat dropped from the ceiling. Twilight once again expected Discord to pop out from the hat or the hat to turn into Discord, but she vastly underestimated Discord, as per usual. The entire train transformed into Discord, dropping Twilight, Pinkie, Trixie, at least sixteen passengers, and a very confused conductor into the snow.
“Hello my dear Twilight!” Discord greeted. “I love what you’ve done with the place. It’s absolutely beautiful.” Discord resisted the urge to transform into Absol again. He waved his eagle talons across the sky, turning it purple. “That may actually be me.”
“DISCORD!” Twilight screamed in all caps. “GET OUT!”
Discord gasped like a drowning fish. “I live here! How dare you, the great Twilight Sparkle, tell me to get out of my own home?”
“You’re a guest here!” shouted a voice from inside the palace.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is free!” Trixie screamed at the top of her lungs, running to Yakyakistan.
“YOU GET BACK HERE!” the voice screamed while the author had capslock on. “I’mma catch you and kill yo-”
“It’s ‘I am going to’!” Twilight shouted up to the voice.
“I don’t give a [REDACTED]!” the voice screamed. Great timing, Editor.
“Wow you got redacted by the Editor,” Discord joked. “Been there, done that.”
As Twilight, Discord, and the voice, presumably Sombra, argued and shouted at each other, Pinkie Pie bounced her way into the palace. She bounded up the stairs four at a time. She pushed the door open with enough energy to rival an atomic bomb, and looked upon Sombra’s behind.
Sombra screamed something which Pinkie drowned out with humming. Pinkie moved her hooves at an astonishingly quick rate and built some sort of piston, which she placed behind Sombra. The pink party pony finished the contraption with a party cannon, which made it all the more ugly.
“Hey! I think it looks beautiful!” Pinkie objected, revealing herself. Sombra began to turn around, but before he could see Pinkie Pie, the pink pony slammed her hoof on the activation button, sending Sombra flying out the window.
As the shadow monarch fell, he watched as Discord and Twilight yelled at each other. His vision focused on the Crystal Heart. He laughed to himself as he prepared a spell to send them elsewhere.
As his horn discharged the energy, all the magic was absorbed into the Crystal Heart sans the Discord Train, turning it from its normal light blue into an extremely dark black. Purple and green smoke erupted out of the heart, and black colored lightning coursed across the surface. King Sombra realized too late what had just happened and the Crystal Heart unleashed a wave of magic, causing the city to vanish, but not the ponies.
Twilight gasped in shock. Pinkie fell to the ground with a splat, flattening like a pancake. Discord disappeared with the city, and Sombra tripped over the Crystal Heart, skidded three feet through the snow, crushed a poor bunny, and face planted into a wall.
Twilight and Pinkie stared in horror at the bunny corpse and Sombra, but mostly at the bunny corpse. The passengers of the train and the conductor hid behind a crystal spike.
Crystals (vs Sombra)
Sombra quickly recovered from the fall, turning to face the two heroes. In almost no time at all, there were three. Trixie joined Twilight and Pinkie in the battle, wielding a cactus. Twilight risked a glance backwards to see several crystal guards, all wearing mind control helmets. They were surrounded.
Trixie launched her cactus backwards, hitting one of the guards in the leg. The guard grabbed a spear from one of his comrades and tossed the spear at Trixie, but missed spectacularly and impaled a boulder. The boulder came to life, grabbed Sombra by the neck, and yeeted the shadow monarch into the next area code.
Discord’s ghost appeared in the middle of the two sides with a referee uniform and a whistle. He blew the whistle and the two sides charged at each other.
The guards gained the upper hand at first due to outnumbering Team Twilight, but Trixie dropped several smoke bombs, causing literally everyone to cough, except for Pinkie Pie, who took “holding your breath” a little too literally. Pinkie blasted a guard with airbending which she totally wasn’t supposed to know, and she slowly started suffocating, until Twilight forced her to inhale.
Pinkie whipped a baseball bat out of her tail, then proceeded to whack each and every guard like a pinata. One of them actually burst into paper and candy. Pinkie grabbed as much as she could and stuffed it into her mane.
Trixie dropped another bomb, but this one exploded, breaking one of the masks. Suddenly, all the masks broke, freeing the guards, who promptly ran away as fast as they could from the pink madmare that just turned one of their comrades into candy.
“Get back here! I’m not done with you yet!” Pinkie Pie screamed at the escaping guards. Everyone was so focused on what was happening over there that they didn’t notice who was coming behind them.
“I HAVE RETURNED!” Sombra announced. Utilizing the Crystal Heart once more, Sombra’s power grew. Dark crystals jutted out of the ground, impaling a couple of shattered masks, the remains of a pinata, SCP-507, the flattened corpse of a bunny, twelve chocolate waffles, eleven pizza dippers, ten cakes, nine fresh picked apples, eight melting ice creams, seven crumbling cookies, six pigs for milking, five scrambled eggs, four chocolate chips, three french toast, two pickle jars, and an oven burning randomly.
Sombra immediately turned to Pinkie Pie. A crystal spike shattered Pinkie’s hopes and dreams as well as the contraption Pinkie built to shove Sombra out the window. A brief listen to Hopes and Dreams by Toby Fox brought back all her hopes and dreams, and she immediately began to work on rebuilding the contraption. The contraption fell apart again, so she started turning it into something else.
Twilight and Sombra engaged each other in a magic duel, while Trixie started to work on removing the helmets from the guards. Blast after blast of pure magic was exchanged while helmet after helmet hit Sombra in the face. After the sixteenth helmet, Sombra became fed up with Trixie, and turned his attention to the showmare.
It was at this moment, Trixie realized, she made a probably possibly fatal missnake. As an attempt to save herself, she summoned a rainbow snake, whom she promptly named Iris.
The sixteen passengers and one conductor came out from behind the crystal spike to smash every single guards’ helmets simultaneously. The collected ponies lined up behind Twilight.
Sombra looked at the army that now gathered before him and pissed himself in the snow. He grabbed the dark Crystal Heart and growled, “Mine. No touchy.”
“We crushed Discord and Nightmare Moon! Surrender, Sombra!” Twilight charged energy into her horn. Sombra put up a wall of black crystal to protect himself, but Pinkie Pie grabbed Twilight’s tail and started rapid firing magic. The crystals held up under the pressure.
The collected ponies all had enough of King Sombra and tossed everything they had at him: bread, bowling balls, wallets, deep fryers, a map of every territory ever held by the British Empire, and a deep fried wallet. A can of hairspray hit the Crystal Heart, reversing the damage and bringing back the empire.
As the Crystal Empire reformed, the crystal wall shattered. The ponies closed in, Sombra panicked, but the Pony of Shadows came out of nowhere and sent everyone flying. Before anyone could react, a ball of pure darkness enveloped King Sombra and the Pony of Shadows, which then vanished, purifying the Crystal Heart.
At this moment, Discord reappeared with the TF2 Heavy in his arms. He was wielding the large Russian man like a minigun. Upon realizing the fight was over, he tossed the Heavy into the snow.
The Pony of Shadows reappeared in a castle far away. He materialized with Sombra in front of a muscular centaur.
“I presume you have failed?” Tirek said. Sombra fearfully nodded. “You had one job, Sombra, destroy them before they could get out of hand. You failed!”
“Discord has also betrayed us,” the Pony of Shadows said.
“Was he ever on our side in the first place?” Tirek said.
“Fair point. You know what a wise angry raisin with a rock collection once said?”
“Fine, I’ll do it myself,” Tirek quoted.
Several cloaked cultists gathered together in a candlelit room. In the center was a naval hat sitting on top of a blood red pentagram. The cultist in the scarlet cloak placed a few items on the pentagram next to the naval hat. A revolver, a Slim Jim beef stick, and a bag filled with assorted fingers; chicken fingers, human fingers, gorilla fingers, and chimpanzee fingers, but mostly chicken fingers.
The gathered cultists chanted in some strange language:
“R̸̘͇̳̈́̎̓͘͝͝i̶̞̟̔̕͠s̶͍̳̘̐̈͒̎̄͝e̸̯̤̍̉̓̚ ̵͔̳͇̯̏t̸̨͕̬̼̙͕͛h̷̛̬̽́e̸̹̍̿ ̶̡͎̹̙̱̈́o̶͖̯̯̜͙̐́̄n̵̨̻̻̪͚̐͗̽͒͠e̶͇̍͌̄̔͜ ̸̡͇̦̗̝͉͆͐͑w̵̧̞͓͕̰͌h̶̡͉̯̋͗͗̏̌͘o̸̯͓͘͝ ̸̡͕̦̥͖̬̓̀͠w̴̤̔̐a̷̺̤͍̎̂̃̽́s̴̪̗̫̓͆̽͘ͅ ̷̡̱̋̽̆̆̕͝s̶̢̪͈̤͊̋͑͂́͠l̷̤͎̔̎å̸͈̞̭̭̖̀͐͜i̸͎͔̺͈͛n̶̨͉̞̥͖͒͗̽̾͋̇ͅ
̵̥͚̥̇̌͗̚Ĥ̴̬͍͚͂̓͑ȅ̷̹̠̪͕̬ͅ ̷̢̟̲̘͌͂̔̄̏̂s̶̩͔̥̀́͋̓̆͛ḩ̵̱̤͚͝à̷̭l̵̯̜̎̔̅̿̋͠l̷͚̂͑̚͝ ̵̠͚̮͉̮̓̐b̸̭̦̹̞̜͍͌ř̶̜͖̼̭̍ḯ̸̩̅̋̐͊̐ǹ̴̫͎͒̓̄͠ǧ̵̩͇̐̃̋́͘͜ͅ ̴̧͚͍̣̇̆̋̀͠t̴͕͓̟̹̞͚̎̈́̆̾͛̓h̸̛͕̼͓͌̒̂̈̆ͅê̸̱̜̣̪͊̊͊͘ ̷̢͇͙͍̀ͅe̵͔͒n̸̯̖̫̟̺̄̆́͝d̵͍̙̩͆̈́̉͒̚l̴̈͜e̸͍̔͋̉́s̵̤̉̿̋̐̚͝ŝ̵̡̲ ̸̡̞̫̕p̸͔̐̄̂̆͛a̶̢̛̝͔͍͖͒̅̇͋͘ị̶̧̧͉̟̏̽̔̃͋n̵̟͇̱̹̕͜͠
̶̡̯͚̟̗͎̂̄͑̓͝T̷͉̠͚̻́̒̈́͂̃ṑ̵̠͋̃n̴̳̹͎̓͜ḯ̸̛̗͈ͅǵ̸̤̫̝̫͐̀̏h̸͎̞̋̓̉̈́̐̈́t̶͎͔͎̮̥̃͒́͜ ̵̪̽̃̇͘h̶͓̰͂e̷̺̹͍̥̋͆͝ ̴̯͕̥̊̐͛͊w̶̹̗̳͐i̸̳̎͠l̵̗̪͎̳̳̗͆͆͌̓͝l̶͔̪͇̭̘͓̽̐́́̊̾ ̴͖̈́͛́͝ŗ̷̛̲̲͗̀͒̕͜͝i̸̮̮̼̦͓̹̇s̷̢̛̹͓̞̖͂̈́̐̒̓ę̷̬̪̈̋̏
̷͈̜̓͗̈́̋́͝Ā̶͕̩̠̘̉͂͝n̷̝̜̥̹̠̏̅̀̊̈́̄ď̴̼͋̾ ̷̣̻̞̞̂̑̋̀͘̕b̴͈̙̉ṛ̴̡̪͕̀̄̎̏͒i̵̧̛͍̱̟͌̾̊̓͗n̵̨̺̣̽̑̄g̴̮̥̝̘͂̇͛͆ ̶̢͍̭̪͔̅͂͘͝ͅt̷̢̢̛͉̣͙̍̒͗̎͋h̴̢̢͔̰̘̃̅̈́é̷̗̟̎ͅí̶̭̪͚̦̖̂r̷̳͍̪͖͎̙̓͌͌͑́͠ ̷̢̟̠̤͕̪͗d̷̛̲̩̟̔́́̚e̶̠͈͈̍̾͘m̷͓̼͇̪͒͑͝į̸͈͈͆͋̈́̚͘͝s̸̲̲̈́̓͑̏͑e̷̱͎͉̓͗̐
̸̬̭̓͛́̆̌A̸̮͂̾͛̌͘l̸̼̦̔̾͗l̸̘̥̪̳̻̎͗͜ ̴̧̈́́͑̓͒f̸̖̻̯͚̙͂͝o̶͖̾̑r̶̡͉̗̒̅̏̀͒ ̷̝̭͔͓̻̍V̸͓̹̼̮͎̀ǒ̶͚̇̚i̷̢̡̟̦̱̓̿̈́d̸̥̰͙̻̋ ̵̢̰͓̞̓͌͊̐͒̚C̸͚̹̮͉̼̉̈́͒͑́͝r̶̢̖̯̭͠͠ḙ̶̞̾͗̆̈a̶̢͉̹̯̗̐t̷͖̩̼̰͌̆ù̵̟̈́̚r̷̢͚̠͂̓ẹ̶͎̣̤̀̇̓̒'̸̨̛̳͖̀̒̀̽s̶͔̅̎̑̋͝ͅ ̷̨̺̲̥̳̅͑̓͋̉̇g̴̭͗̒̀̔a̴̙̹͕͒̀̂̀͆̚i̴̲͓̦̇́̔̾n̴̛͔͈͉̐̐”
The blood pentagram was set ablaze. The bag of fingers melted into a puddle of flesh topped with extra crispy KFC chicken fingers and bones. The flesh and bones formed a human shape. The summoned human placed the naval hat on his head and the Slim Jim in his mouth.
“Ayy, it’s McFlap again,” the human said, still covered in chicken fingers.
Author's Note
The story has gotten so off the rails I don’t think I can carry through with the original idea anymore (lmao jk I still can, the middle will still be crazy though. That’s what happens when you put Pinkie Pie and Discord in the same story both as major characters)
Anyway here's what the cursed text was supposed to say (before formatting ruined it):
Rise the one who was slain