Kim Possible: A Sitch in Equestria

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At both the best and worst of times, Twilight Sparkle is, above all else, a purple horse. This time however she certainly was not. Not even close.

As she shuddered and tried to clear the sedative-induced stupor she was in, she found herself unable to shake her head or rub her temples. These were the primary stupor-clearing techniques passed down from Sparkle to Sparkle, and she could no longer perform them, nor could she remember the circumstances leading to her current predicament. Something had to be done.

Unfortunately for Twilight, something may have been too tall a task. Try as she might, as hard as she flexed her muscles, her forelegs never moved. Figuring she was just finally in the early stages of adult onset diabetes, Twilight merely chalked it up to her limbs turning weak and gangrenous. She'd known the day would come eventually, and fired up a spell that would allow her to float around like a purple parade balloon.

Or, she tried to fire up a spell, but that didn't work either. No more were the sparkles for which her family had been named. There wasn't even a dull blink akin to a dying fluorescent bulb.

Now was the time to worry, and worry Twilight did.

"What's happening to me?" Twilight thought,"Diabetes never impacts the magic glands! Something else must be causing these symptoms of mine."

In her state of immobility, Twilight was unable to even properly investigate, which, for a privileged little know-it-all, was incredibly frustrating.

"I'm a genius, damn it! I could easily figure out what's happening if only I could just MOVE!"

As if by command, in fact, pretty much by command, whatever Twilight's body was now managed to eek forward a few feet. It stopped just as suddenly, but this was something to go on.

Twilight quickly started calculating in her head. Whatever had happened to her, it had limited her nervous system, and now she had to directly think of an action to complete it. No matter, a smart horse like her thought all the time.

"Forward! Forward!"

As she careened in her chosen direction, she made use of her eyes, which thankfully still moved and blinked, to take stock of her surroundings. Thankfully the room she was in was small, gray, and unfurnished, making it extremely easy to describe.

While almost the entire room remained nondescript, one section of it actually had an irregularity. Instead of just a solid wall, there was a big, rectangular hole! Zounds!

With no other stimuli to go off of, Twilight resigned to wandering off down a big gray hallway, thinking "Forward! Forward!" as she went.

She sheepishly sped through a seemingly endless hallway. The walls of the spiraling walkway were intricately placed metal rickets that sloped toward each other from either side to meet above her. Between each ricket were panes of yellowed glass from which emanated a dull green glow. The light behind it was likely actually blue, but the yellowed glass gave it a ghoulish tint.

Eventually Twilight reached the end of the winding hall, which was sealed off by two curved metal doors with holes cut into them. Twilight feared this would be the end of her expedition, but once she'd gotten within three feet of them the doors slid open automatically.

"That's pretty fucking weird, it's like whoever put me here isn't even trying to keep me inside." She thought to herself, "At this rate I'll escape in no time. My captors must be fucking idiots."

As she marched through the doorway, she once again took stock of her surroundings. This room was considerably less nondescript than the one she'd woken up in. The room was colossal, and perfectly circular. Twilight could tell because she could recognize a perfect circle thanks to all her time staring at the Sun. Remember that? Well it was established earlier in the story whether you do or don't so eat shit.

The walls had the same build as the hallway, with the same garish light. This time however there were four windows set perfectly across from each other, which had the same holes as the doors. The cuts were arranged as beams emanating from a circle at the center, seemingly representing beams of light radiating off the Sun. Or maybe the pattern had nothing to do with the Sun, and Twilight's imagination is just heavily limited by the fact that she spends most of her time staring at or thinking about the Sun. That and eating shit.

Most daunting of all however, was the pillar at the center of the room. It was excessively rotund, and so tall it blended into the ceiling. Closer inspection revealed it to be adorned with lights, which blinked seemingly at random, and a myriad of levers and buttons one could only guess the functions of.

Also in the room was an odd creature, wheeling itself around the room over and over again in a circle. It was blue, and kind of looked like a tipped-over trash can with a hose sticking out of it.

"What the fuck...what is that weird thing?" Twilight thought, understandably perplexed.

As if reacting to her thoughts, the creature snapped its attention to Twilight Sparkle, it's glowing red googly eyes staring deep into her own. The gaze unnerved Twilight, and as she tried to become renerved, the beast charged.

"Nope!" Was all Twilight had time to think before she was forced to focus on telling her body to get the heck out of Dodge. She zoomed around the room as fast as she could, only keeping a slight distance from the monster that stuck its hose at her and sucked air as it ran after.

Of course Twilight didn't know where "Dodge" was, so it was a hard place to get the heck out of. Still, she did the best she could, choosing one of the few doors that littered the room, and hoping it wouldn't lead to a dead end.

She dashed(Not to be confused with ‘Rainbow Dash’ who is currently dead. Or is she?) through the portal, the tiled floor before her illuminated only faintly by a pair of recessed ceiling lumens, ejecting a fickle yellow light that did little to exorcise the shadows of machines. It was through these pathetic lights, and more specifically the soft glint reflected from a spilled liquid, that Twilight witnessed her undoing. Her octagonal brain, split into eight quadrants in mirrored form to her eight-nippled belly, fired on all fronts at once, working like a well-oiled octopus, sending mental commands to her body with the grace of an Olympic Brainstrainer. Even this, however, would not save her from this predicament.

As she hit the liquid-slicked floor tiles, all traction gave out and she fish-tailed, spinning on her axis, her momentum causing her to hydroplane. In the quick gyration, she caught the red-eyed gaze of her pursuer, a crazed look stenciled on his hard-plastic face like a leering carnival mask. She had no time to ponder on this, however, as her grip on the floor gave out, her speed pulling her body into a roll. She tumbled end over end, the adrenaline flooding her system slowing time and dulling the impact when her side collided with the floor, bouncing her into a second roll which ended similarly as she rammed into the ground, skidding a short distance before hitting the wall head-first.

She sat there dazed, laying belly up on a sticky floor in a mostly-dark room, ragged breaths rushing from her mouth as the adrenaline rapidly wore off. The loud thumping of a nearby machine was the first thing she noticed, granting cadence to a chorus of clanks and thuds, and pulling her out of her momentary stupor. Flipped as she was, she looked up its side, noting that it seemed to be compressing and pumping some sort of orange liquid through a series of tubes. The inquisitive side of her brain became interested, but the growing sound of a whirring of wheels brought her back to reality.

Remembering her pursuer, she immediately scrambled to her hoofs, or at least she tried to. She couldn’t even feel her toes, much less move them. At this angle, it was simple to glance downward to see what was wrong with them- something she probably should have done in the first place- only to see that her legs were gone. In their place, grafted into her body on steel spokes where her shoulders were, was a set of little black wheels. Barely enough to hold her from the ground.

At her command, they spun in place, doing little in her compromised position. She tried to scream, but her mouth was no more, having been hollowed and stretched into a crude trunk.

I have no mouth, and I must scream!, thought Twilight, fulfilling Chuck’s request for this portion of the chapter. The only orifice that made any sound was her icky girl vagina as it released some gas. GROSS!

In her moment of fear, she barely registered as Noo Noo approached, his bloodshot eyes looking down on his prey lustily. After uncounted years, his Overlords had finally seen fit to reward his dedication with a plaything of his own. He’d have smiled had he the faculties to do so. Instead he gazed down, taking in every detail despite the lack of light. Her purple body was barrel-shaped, but unlike his it was thin and sleek with oils, the layer of fuzz doing little to hide her eight perfectly-round nipples which stood erect from fear.

Her vacuum mouth and wheel legs were the handiwork of purple Juggernaut, he knew, but unlike him, she had a gaping pussy, it’s insides as purple as her hair. Just the mere sight of her on the ground, face pressed into a pool of machine oil filled with the dried husks of dozens of insects that had found their way into this wretched place, never to escape, was enough to arouse him fully, and his member grew erect, extending to the same length and girth as his mouth vacuum. Just like his mouth, it was prehensile, and capped with a vacuum, though this side also blew out like a shopvac.

He tentatively reached forward, as if fearing that this moment would suddenly end, before poking one of her erect nips with the tip of his lower vacuum. Twilight immediately moaned against her will, unable to control herself as the nipple touched stimulated that quadrant of her octogonal brain.

Seeing this reaction, Noo Noo began strumming her nipples, eliciting odd moans. He continued this way for a few minutes, plucking her like a fiddle, before he grew tired of foreplay. He was about to take what he wanted. Finally, for the first time in millenia, Noo Noo was going to be in charge.