Kim Possible: A Sitch in Equestria

Twilight released a quick little huff of air from her vacuum hose as she felt Noo-Noo's colossally long nozzle-tipped cock tense up inside of her for the umpteenth time. She cringed as she felt the gush of chunky, grey ejaculate strain once again against the innermost depths of what remained of her reproductive organs. As the deluge of rancid goop reached the limits of Twilight's vaginal capacity, it oozed back around Noo-Noo's cock, forming a slimy semen sleeve at least half an inch thick. This sleeve ran down the submerged length of cock before it reached the end point, sloshing out of the gaped pussy that housed it with a loud sound comparable to wet Jell-O. This vile-smelling reproductive liquid seeped and dripped, either running down Twilight's bulky back or flat out spattering onto the floor. Once there, it joined the congealed, ever-growing grey pool surrounding them.

By this point, the act of inserting a dick into Twilight and cumming inside her was akin to finding a dead horse, and beating the shit out of it. Perhaps even moreso, it was like cumming inside a tissue and then scrunching it up. Still, Noo-Noo persisted, not understanding that yeah, we get it already, you're cumming inside of a genetically-altered Twilight Sparkle. Good for you, you're still a vacuum that eats Teletubby shit.

Thud!

Noo-Noo's penis clenched like a vice, and also like my hand around a cum-filled tissue that I'm scrunching up. Whatever the simile, Noo-Noo's penis clenched, instantly cutting off the endless river of gravy-colored cum. Twilight didn't know why the cum had stopped, she hadn't been able to hear the thud over all the cum vibrating her insides, but she was thankful for the reprieve.

What she did hear were the several other subsequent thuds, and they shook her to the bone when she remembered where she was.

"NOO-NOO! BAD!" Came a thunderous bellow from an irate(gamer) Tinky Winky.

Noo-Noo's eyes ceased their malicious red glow, and his cock shrunk back into his body, pulling out of Twilight very quickly all at once. Her abused hole twitched and gaped as it struggled to adjust to the lack of a huge dick oozing cum inside of it. Such an attempt proved unnecessary, as Tinky Winky shoved his entire fist and forearm inside of Twilight's pussy all at once, and proceeded to pick her up and wave her around like a hand puppet.

"MINE! MINE, NOO-NOO!" He screamed at his shit-eating slave. In truth, he wasn't all that upset. He'd intended to breed his two Noo-Noo until each of his friends had two new Noo-Noo to call their own. Then they could eat as much tubby custard as they wanted, without having to worry about who would be eating their shit. Still, he'd made a disgusting mess all over the floor. It was unlikely, given her incredible ability to handle even shit and farts, but Tinky Winky had some worry that this cum would clog his new Noo-Noo.

In one swift motion, Tinky Winky grabbed his old Noo-Noo, and tossed him into a dusty closet to think about what he'd done. Then, he placed his new Noo-Noo in front of the massive lake of clammy jizz and yanked his fist out of her pussy.

"Clean it up," he said in perfect English while pointing to the cum. One might wonder then, why he'd only been saying 'tubby custard' this whole time. In truth, he never stopped, Twilight understands him now because she's a Noo-Noo. Is that okay? Are you going to cry about it?

In any case, Twilight wanted to tell him "fat chance, tubby, I only drink Shining Armor's cum."

Instead of that however, she extended her mouth-vacuum, and began to slurp up the mass of repugnant ooze.

"Why am I doing this?" thought Twilight, evidently not comprehending that there's no point to a self-aware vacuum cleaner that can choose to disobey you.

Her smart, new Noo-Noo body understood this in place of her dumb, old pony brain, and it happily sucked up the toxic muck, even as her taste buds urged her to stop.

Her new, state-of-the-art digestive tract swiftly converted the nutrients into energy, while at the same time converting useless materials into gaseous waste. The waste traveled through her colon, rocketing down her rectum, and built up against her mighty sphincter, which had been spared Noo-Noo's cock for now.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAP" said Twilight's asshole, as Tinky Winky stuck his face up real close so his nose could listen.

"Mmmm, the digested cum really gives these braps a pleasant fragrance," mused Tinky Winky, "it reminds me of Spring."

"He's a connoisseur," she thought to herself as she tried to get her mind onto anything besides grey cum, "with taste in farts like that, perhaps, in another life...I could have called him, friend."

As he savored the aromas that worked out from Twilight's chocolate starfish, Tinky Winky couldn't help but revel in his luck. Not only had he stumbled upon a top-of-the-line Noo-Noo to call his very own, but he'd found one that even doubled as an air-freshener/brap factory. As of late he'd been having the best time of his life. Seemingly all thanks to these little horses, who functioned as entertaining punching bags, as well as excellent Noo-Noo.

As he pondered, he realized there must be other ponies as good at eating shit and farting as the one he'd taken and transformed. For a second he thought, "what if one of those thousands had the prowess of this purple one."

The tiniest bit of regret flashed into his mind. It was quickly snuffed out.

There had been thousands, surely there were more. After all, they had to have come from somewhere. Everything comes from somewhere, no matter what the atheists tell you. Don't listen to them, they're going to hell. As he watched the sea of semen shrink to a pond, he vowed to himself to share this splendor with his friends. Especially Po, with her dummy thicc cheeks.

In a matter of minutes, the cum puddle had been reduced to mere droplets, and the braps had all but ceased. Once the mess was all cleaned up, Tinky Winky reinserted his fist into Twilight's pussy and lifted her up off the floor. He carried her over to the beeping machine, and pressed a big button on it.

"It's time for Teletubbies," a voice called out from a loudspeaker multiple times.

With that done, Tinky Winky wobbled to the door that lead outside, Twilight's pussy still wrapped around his fist.

As they ventured outside together Twilight's mind raced. Why was she being taken outside? Whatever the reason, this was her chance to escape. She revved her little Noo-Noo wheels and wiggled her hose, trying desperately to get her pussy off the Teletubby fist so she could run away.

She was so focused on trying to run away, that she paradoxically had no idea how to react when Tinky Winky placed her in the grass and removed his hand from her vagina yet again.

She stayed in her spot, shaking fearfully as she stared up at her captor/surgeon.

"Go home," he said, simply.

Twilight dashed off in the direction of Ponyville at a speed she'd never been able to run with her obese old pony body.

"Why is he letting me run away? I thought he wanted a new vacuum." She thought to herself as she ran. It didn't make sense, why go to all the trouble of performing surgery on her, completely changing her, just to let her go? Whatever the reason, she'd have to tell the other ponies-

"The other ponies!" The realization hit her like a ton of brick-shaped pieces of Teletubby shit. They wanted the other ponies too. To play with, to rip apart, to eat. But most of all, to turn them into the same thing they'd turned her into: a shit-eating vacuum that drinks cum and farts.

She tried to change course and lead the Teletubbies on a wild goose chase, but try as she might, she was completely incapable. She'd been ordered to go home, so that was where she had to go.

"I'm helpless…"Twilight moped, as her body carried her off to deliver death and unimaginable torment onto the general populace of her little town.

Tinky Winky waved as he watched his new Noo-Noo go off to her home for the last time. As he watched, he stroked his cock to the view of her cum-soaked Noo-Noo pussy that was still gaping from his fist. He hated to see her go, but he loved to watch her leave.

Before he could finish, and kill another patch of grass with his functionally-herbicidal sperm, he was joined by his kin, so he edged his fat hog for a bit, not wanting to look like a premature ejaculator in front of his friends.

"Tubby custard," he called out, as if to say, "let's go get you guys your own brand new Noo-Noo!"

The other Teletubbies exchanged excited glances, Dipsy even did the beta-male soyboy smile from Reddit where you show all your rotting teeth. Isn't that funny? Then, as a happy Teletubby family, they set off to go murder and mutilate more colorful ponies.

"Piss n titties Piss n titties Piss n titties Piss n titties Piss n titties Piss n titties

Hey gurl, I noticed you watchin' me pee.
Don't worry babe it gets me off when you look at me.
But that's sexual assault ya see because technically.
You're a peeping Tom who didn't get no consent from me.

Time to get em out yeah I said whip out ya tits.
I noticed you're a pony and that means you've got six.
Start showing off your nips so I can coat them in piss.
A flash of ecstasy when your milk and my lemonade mix.

Piss n titties!" Rufus finished, taking a bow.

Applejack clacked her hooves together as fast as she could, tears streaming down her face, and lady juice streaming down her inner thighs.

"Gawsh, what a beautiful song, if only ((Unnamed Moderator on this Website)) wasn't such a gargantuan motherfucking faggot. Then the original rendition of it might still exist."

"Yeah he's a pretty pathetic individual. But give him a break, he's got nothing in his life besides being one of the worst moderators on a My Little Pony fanfiction website. That means reading terrible stories about this stupid show written by people more autistic than even himself is a job for him. A job he doesn't get paid for. You'd be exactly as joyless and unlikeable if you'd wasted the better half of a decade doing that right? I know I would be. I'd turn into the kind of person who pretends that rejecting Ethesto's stories is upholding some sort of artistic standard on the site, then approve a story about futa Twilight Sparkle getting all the dirt licked off her feet by Human in Equestria."

"You're right, he's not just an autistic femboy who takes My Little Pony fanfiction totally seriously," mused Applejack, "he's all that and a hypocrite."

They both shared a hearty laugh, Applejack finally experiencing what it’s like to be the high-horse, and Rufus wanting to get on the high horse and ride into town in a mockery of that one Taylor Swift song. As their laughter petered out, their eyes met, and blush cells assaulted their cheeks.

Just then, Ots'ehte had to ruin the mood as he so often does. “Now’s your chance,” he urged, strumming the fine hairs inside Rufus’ ear hole like an epileptic harpist.

A sudden bout of nervousness welled up within Rufus’ sternum, and his overstretched sweat glands bubbled out like gauged earlobes before expelling fowl globules of sweat that arced through the air like water balloons. Held together by capillary action, they reflected light in dancing patterns which mesmerized in a brilliant facsimile of precious gems before impacting noisily into the pavement and soaking the area in sticky pools of Rufus gunk.

His knees got weak, his palms were sweaty, and his sweater was in the washing machine because he vomited on it already. Despite his usual cool demeanor, it’s a little-known fact that Rufus is actually a virgin. A fact he hides zealously by having loads of unprotected sex. As such, the idea of losing his V-card is somewhat intimidating, causing him to lose his composure a bit.

“Say Applejack,” he begins to say, and also finishes to say.

“Ya, what is it?” Applejack answers, orange and also with blonde hair and a trio of apples on her backside, as usual.

“Let’s say we t-take this r-r-relationship to the next l-level?” He sputters out. Fiddling with his hands while refusing to make eye contact.

“What like going to Outland from Vanilla? But I can’t afford the new expansion.” Applejack is poor because kicking trees isn’t a real job.

Rufus whistles air through the loogie that’s taken form in his gizzard like an epileptic tin whistle, before vomiting the glob over Applejack’s head and into the alley onto some stray dogs. “W-well, not exactly…”

“What are you doing?!” Ots'ehte demandingly whispers in that way that centipedes do, “I’ve seen Adam Sandler movies more romantic than this!”

“I’m getting there!” Rufus angrily spits, the sound and saliva curving like a boomerang into his own ear and catching Ots'ehte in the eye.

“Yuh say sumthin’?” Asks Applejack, daintily picking her nose with one of her tree-kicking legs. The nostril stretches and distorts as she shoves her grapefruit-sized hoof into it, showing a veritable forest of hairs. Rufus lowers his head to get a better view, his jaw hanging agape as he catches sight of her inner sanctum.

“Uh… No…” He responds absently, imagining sticking his whole head up there as she continues to pick, her horse nail dredging both aged, crusted boogers- completely devoid of moisture- as well as those still full of vim and vigor. With a casual flick, she tossed them from her cavernous nostril, grapeshotting them across the alley wall and also across Rufus’ body.

He shivers, his shriveled wee wee becoming ever-so-slightly less shriveled as he was coated in her substance.

“Whatya lookin’ at?” She wondered, sitting on her haunches as she simultaneously moved her second leg up to root through her other nostril, displaying a level of flexibility and skill that Rufus had to admire. Who knew her legs were good for something other than just kicking trees and also walking(because that’s what legs do)?

Rufus inched ever closer, able to see nearly 45 degrees into her gaping anterior naris, which were stiff, cylindrical, and green like an inverse Mountain Dew can. But what really caught his eye were the hairs. So many thousands and millions of hairs. Enough to put Rainfurrest to shame. He leaned forward even more, now practically underneath her, gazing straight up into her nostrils as she continued to pick, brittle chunks of ejecta landing in his open eyes and dissolving into his pupils.

She snorted slightly, causing the crisp walls to jiggle, a powder of green snow turning its interior into a winter wonderland before she breathed in, subsuming the wasted biomatter, her innards reformatting it into fresh boogers. As he gazed upwards into that abyss, the naked mole rat felt so truly naked, vulnerable before a yawning chasm. He wondered how easily it would be for him to simply slip inside, never to be seen again. Gone forever in the unending subway of slime, his screams lost in a symphony of snot.

He pulled away, “Nothing.”

Applejack removed both legs from her nose and rolled her body over forwards, returning them to their resting positions. Ots'ehte, who has, at this moment finally finished wiping the spit and sound from his eye, resumes his centipede prattling. “I guess it’s up to me isn’t it?”

He begins playing bongo drums while simultaneously rubbing his legs together in a facsimile of violins before he starts singing.

“We need something
From that horse across the way,
She has apples-for-brains,
But there’s somethin’ about her,

Nervousness won’t fly,
Centipedes gonna try to make you,
Fuck the girl”

“Did you hear something?” Applejack asks.

“Come on, just do it
Put it in her roast-beef shoe,
Imagine all the pussy goo,
You don’t even have to ask her,

Just pull out your dong,
Play her a skin flute song,
Go on an’ fuck the girl.

Re-re-re-re-re-re-really fast, my patience won’t last,
Go on and fuck the girl!
Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-penetrate her before it’s too late,
Or you’ll have blue balls for sure.”

Rufus sits up, “you know, I too am something of a scientist.”

Applejack perks up, “Oh?”

“I memorized the periodic table of elements,” Applejack’s eyes widened upon hearing this, realizing that Rufus is both cute and a genius. “Check this out; Hydrogen.”

Applejack scrunched her face up like a tissue after I’ve cummed into it.

“Ugh… Helium. Lithium.” He continued, and she began clopping her forelegs together like a happy seal as he showed off his skills. “Ummm, shi-” He didn’t remember what came next.

“Beryllium, next is beryllium,” Ots'ehte whispered into his ear hole.

“Beryllium!” he yelled triumphantly, getting a hoot and a holler out of her. He polished his chest with his knuckles in satisfaction of being able to show off his special talent.

“Nooows your chance,
Get up in that red lagoon,
Boy you better do it soon,
Or I’m gonna start screaming.

Don’t leave me dry,
Get me between those thighs,
You gotta fuck the girl.

Sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-salami slap her in her turkey flap,
Go on and fuck the girl!
Me-me-me-me-me-me-mess her up, you’ve got some cum to dump,
You wanna fuck the girl!
Pu-pu-pu-pu-put your weiner in, fill up her holes with sin,
I’m saying fuck the girl!
Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tap that ass, and make it fast,
You gotta fuck the girl!

Rufus unsheathes his dick, and applejack’s eyes widen with childish delight as it inflates like a long clown balloon but made out of meat. Its tip throbs, and, true to his creed as an echidna, if I'm remembering that correctly, it’s ribbed with serrated spikes that would make even your whore mother think twice. Applejack, however, was not daunted, as she’d seen bigger and meaner.

“Not quite as big or intimidating as Touch Down’s,” she admits while eyeballing its size. This causes Rufus to deflate slightly, his abundant foreskin sagging like a popped Barnie at the Macy’s Day Parade.

“But I guess it’s alright,” she relented, feeling extra horny since Touch Down hadn’t fucked her in over an hour.

“Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Rufus exclaimed, pointing a single finger towards the sky as his wee wee returned to full mast, catching wind and slowly pulling him closer to his target.

“But we’re in a public alley,” Applejack said, nervously looking around at the pair of pony shop-owners who were still standing nearby, observing the whole thing. “I mean, ruff ruff.”

“Awwww, Apple-a-jack about to get-a the massive-a cock,” said Tony, wiping a tear from his eye.

“And we-a get-a front-a row seats!” Joe responded, gazing lovingly at Rufus’ dangling scrote as it sanded the pavement with every movement, wondering what manner of pasta he could whip up with them meatballs(And also he’s gay and likes dudes and male genetalia).

Unperturbed (as though he could possibly be perturbed in the first place), Rufus continues sliding forward, riding the wind like he was about to ride Applejack’s dank horse vagina, which is to say ‘with his dick’.

“Yes! YES!” Ots'ehte cheered, ready to finally be in his new home. He could practically taste victory in the air, and it tasted faintly of Rufus’ precum which was so hot that it evaporated long before leaving the tip, wafting out like a perfume and filling the alley with its heat and scent as though a cum fog had rolled in.

Applejack layed down on her back right on the dirty asphalt like a fucking animal, presenting all six of her horse nips, and most importantly her salivating salami sock. It oozed applesauce, pooling on her taint and gumming up her tail.

Rufus’ vision was starting to redshift, all blood rushing to the secondary brain inside his Peepee, and Throbulator, the Devastator, as it came to be named, assumed control, propelling his body towards the absolute certainty of hot, painful sex.

Right before entering, Ots'ehte scurried out of Rufus’ ear, down his body, along the shaft of his weiner and into its tip, shoving his way inside like a cotton swab. Each of his hundred legs tickled Throbulator, the Devestator’s throat, making him want to sneeze his payload of scalding, mildly-basic semen. But, with a demonic fortitude, he kept it in if but for a moment. The time was not yet right.

Inching forward, he was so close he could almost taste it. Their genitals were practically touching. The only barrier between them was an illusion, a falsehood, long overcome by their will to fuck. Ots'ehte would take his seat on his rightful throne, and like a king, he’d look down on his kingdom from on high. Would he be a righteous king who ruled justly, with a level head, always putting his faith in matters of fact, reason, and magic marbles? Or would he rule with scorn, smiting those he deemed unfit and sowing suffering upon his subjects? Only time would tell.

Rufus managed to rub his last few brain cells together in his drained state, enough to smile. Victory was certain, he need not even try, only sit back and wait for inevitability as he has sex with Applejack. It would be a bitter victory, knowing his hardships had finally yielded fruit(apples), but that would only make it more sweet. He contemplated this and more as Throbulator, the Devastator neared its terminus, knowing that in the end he won. A solitary tear rolled down his face, devoid of salt as all salt in his body was currently designated to his testicles, thinking back on his childhood. His parents never thought he’d achieve anything.

“Ha, look at me now, dad.” He whispered, knowing that his dad couldn’t actually see because he was in hell.

His dad did see, though, as a ghost, because Equestria is hell. And he jacked off as he watched, splooging ectoplasm onto Rufus’ ass. His mom wasn’t there though because girls don’t have souls.

Applejack, meanwhile, was lazily waiting. She knew it wasn’t going to be half as good as when Touch Down fucked her, but she’d have to put up with it. She sighed, knowing that this is her life now. At least Rufus had a good personality? For all the good that did…

As they inched closer and closer, anticipation grew, the corona of Rufus’ massive meat monstrosity slowly eclipsing her no-no-zone, everyone in the area held their breath as though a great tragedy was about to unfold. Not even a pen drop could be heard, heart beats slowed to a halt and birds stood still in the sky. He was so so close. Even a millimeter more and he’d be there! HIs ultimate goal was about to come to fruitition(Apple). There was no holding back now! Nothing could stop the inevitability of this moment!

Then Twilight rolled around the corner.