Clockwock Chaos

....Okay. I did not see that coming. I'm going to be perfectly clear here. I'm currently inside of a box. A box that is filled with pieces of paper, cuts of cloth, and lines of linen. A box that is most likely wrapped in some form of pretty pink paper, tied shut with some ruby red ribbon, and possibly topped with a big bountiful bow. A box that was currently on the back of a some obnoxiously loud filly. A filly that was carrying the wrapped box along side her two equally loud friends, who were going to a surprise birthday party.

Now I know your probably thinking, 'How the hell did that happen? You were just heading towards town last time. What gives?' Well, it turns out that I underestimated how far away I was by, well, a lot! Had I been regular sized, it would have originally been a twenty minute walk or a ten minute run. This, however, was turned into a three hour hike because of my toy form. It didn't help that I had to stop every ten to twenty minutes to rewind myself. The only upside was that I learned that, unlike regular wind-up toys that conked out in a few seconds, I could last several minutes before I even had to think about it.

Anyway, just as I was about within proper viewing distance, I heard a rather strange buzzing. It was kind of like a fusion between the little hand fans everyone gets in the summertime, and a really annoying bug that hangs around your ear that never leaves till you swat it; and it was getting louder.

"What in the wo-" I started to say before a rather high pitch, "LOOK OUT 'FUR THA-" was interrupted when it collided with me, a loud *CRASH* echoing out. Next thing I knew, I was upside-down under a small pile of white, orange, and cream yellow, familiarly furred fillies. Letting out a groan of annoyance and a little pain, I stood up, grabbing the toy gun as I did so, pat myself down to remove some imaginary dust, and looked at the carnage done to my bubble.

Of which, I surprisingly couldn't find any. Okay, I've got to give credit where it's due, this is an amazingly sturdy bubble. What I mean is; it took a headlong hit from the 'Crashing Crusaders' without a single scratch in return; and speaking of whom.

"Ohhh," I heard the little orange Pegasus filly with the pinkish-purple hair, A.K.A. Scootaloo, painfully moan out, "What happened?"

'You ran me over' I thought, practically beside myself with anger. This was the second time I got run over today, and I could only hope this wouldn't become a common thing, or else things were going to get ugly, fast.

"I think we hit something." The white unicorn with a curly, pink and light-purple mane and tail, named Sweetie Belle said; and it took a surprising amount of self-restraint to prevent myself for shouting out loud, YOU DON'T SAY.

"'Ah tried ta' warn 'ya" The creamy colored Apple family member with the red mane, tied in a pony-tail with her reddish-pink bow, who went by the name Bloom, reminded them with her southern accent heavily laced though near every word. Meh, I've heard far worst accents. I just can’t think of one right now.

"What we hit anyway?" Scoots asked, and as they started untangling themselves, the strangest thing happened. I froze, or rather I jumped into attention stance, toy gun's stock in hand, barrel against my shoulder, and became immobile. It was like those 'Toy Story' guys. The moment they thought a human would see them; they went inanimate; only with ponies. I never did figure out why they did that, whether it was something they were taught, something instinctual, or just something they did because they wanted to. Hell, I still don't, and I’m actively doing it.

"Oh my stars look at this!" Honestly Apple Bloom? Who uses that anymore?

"What is it?" Well Scoots, I say it's the first sign of Armageddon, with a gun. What do you think?

"'Ah don' know, but lookit', it’s got one of dem wind-up keys." You don't say!

"But why is it in a bubble?" Do you really want to know Sweetie? I'd gladly trade it for your horn if you'd like.

"Hey if I know, all I know is it looks weird." Well your no prize yourself, you orange jerk. God, what I would give...

"Do ya think we could use it?"...Wait. What?

"I don't know, do you think she'll even like it?" She? She who? Come on, spill. It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do right now.

"Oh come on! It's the first good thing we've found all day, and besides, It's Pinkie Pie we're talking about here." What's....Oh no. Ooh no no no, you are not thinking what I think your thinking! Are you?

"Ah'm with Scoots on this 'un. I mean the only other thing we've got were 'dem funny shaped rocks. An' I don't think she'd be non' to happy 'bout getting a buncha rocks as a present"....Apparently they were, because within a moment, the 'funny shaped rocks' were dumped on the ground, I was put in the box, and with a unbearably loud, and almost ear shattering cry of, I kid you not, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS GIFT GIVERS, YAY!" they were off. So there you go. We're back were we started.

To be honest it wasn't that bad. I'm getting a free ride to a party, granted I can't see anything, and I won't be able to join in on the fun until the birthday girl breaks me out. But that's fine. After all, I can use this time to rest and plan on how I'm going to mess with them. This is going to be fun.

I stand corrected. I haven't been this bored since that one time the lightning took out the power in my house for twelve hours. I've been here for about an hour now, half of it waiting for them to shout 'SURPRISE', the other half waiting for them to stop dancing, and I know they're dancing from the terrible racket their hooves made that was just barely drowned out by the music.

You remember that unbearable feeling you got when you were a kid on (insert holiday with presents here) just begging time to move faster so that you could open your gifts, play with them for a few hours, then forget about them before the day was done? That's how I felt right now. Kind of ironic, isn't it?

I don't care that it was dub-step, I shouldn't have to wait for Pinkie to calm down. It's like waiting for Flim and Flam to figure out that they still won despite getting run out of town. Or Gilda coming back and begging for forgiveness. Or Discord showing up and apologizing for the chaos he caused. It's darn near impossiblu.

Finally, the music died down, and the ever so hyper pony was tearing open gift after gift, cries of oohs and ahhs coming from the party goers with every opened present. Or at least, that's what I think their doing. It's kinda hard to tell in here, what with with all this stuff in the way.

When she finally ripped up the box I was in, I snapped into attention, ready for almost anything. As they say, 'Expect the unexpected.' After all, this is Pinkie we're talking about here. Good thing I did to, because next thing I know I'm face to face with the bubblegum-pink pony with the brilliant raspberry poof for a mane and tail, herself.

"Oh my GOSH! It's so amazing! Do you think it's amazing? I think it's amazing! Oh wow. I've never seen anything like it. Thank you sooo much." If nothing else, Pinkie really knows how to boost an ego. Now if only she would get her muzzle off the glass...

"What is it?" Well that boost was short lived.

"I don't know Dashie, but it's still pretty amazing." Well, thanks Pinkie; I think.

I looked around as best as I could, to see who all was here, and I was rather surprised at how few there were in the Apple's family barn. In fact, I could find the main cast from the show pretty easily. The sky-blue mare with the rainbow mane by the name of Rainbow Dash was staring at me and was honestly a bit too close for comfort. The white unicorn with the royal purple curled hair named Rarity was touching up her light-blue eye shadow, while the primarily purple with green spines and a light-green underbelly, young male dragon that went by Spike, held her mirror for her with the most stupid lovestruck expression on his face I have ever seen, and I've seen some pretty stupid ones; like Johny Bravo. A buttercup-yellow Pegasus with long light-rose-pink hair was a few feet away from them with a pure-white rabbit, who was holding a carrot like a cigar, on her back, with the names Fluttershy and Angel respectively. Not to far from them Applejack, an orange earth-pony mare wearing a brown stetson with both her blond mane and tail tied into (ironically enough) pony-tails, stood next to the grin sporting, CMC themselves. Finally, Twilight Sparkle, the light-purple unicorn with moderate violet and brilliant rose streaked mane was looking at me with this weird gleam in her eyes, like she wanted to pull me apart to see how I tick. I really hope I'm just imagining that last bit.

"Oh Twilight, Rarity, could one of wind it up for me? Huh, huh, could you? Please!" I swear, if I was still human that sweet, hopeful look would have given me diabetes.

"Well of course darling, but why not simply do it yourself?" Rarity asked in her very sophisticated tone of voice. In a split-second Pinkie's hopeful look dropped into one of the most dead-pan expressions I have ever seen. I myself barley resisted the urge to face-palm.

"Um, because the glass is kind-of in the way. I mean, come on. I can't stick my hoof though glass and turn it myself. If I could, I wouldn't even need to ask." a thoughtful look appeared on her face, "Oh! Say, if I could do that, I could probably be able to do it with other things. Like, maybe I could reach into the Cake's super duper ultra secret cookie jar, without setting it off. Of course, I wouldn't just turn the cookies. That would just be silly." Somebody stop her, please. I think she forgot to breath again, because she's turning a brilliant shade of blue. Wait, what cookie jar? I don't remember there being a cookie jar.

"Well, alright I guess." You know how I said the shield was 'unbreakable earlier? Well I still think it is. The problem? Well, it turns out that 'unbreakable' doesn't mean 'impenetrable' be any means. I know this because, when Twilight went to turn my unwanted wind-up key, the bubble only held her magic off for all of two seconds before slipping though. What a rip off.

Regardless of the ineffectiveness of my shelter, I ended up getting wound-up. Tight. Honestly Twilight, when the key starts clicking, it does NOT mean 'keep winding like there's no tomorrow'. God, now I know how those dime-store wind-up toys feel when a ignorant kid gets a hold on them.

When she finally put me down, I knew I couldn't show off to much, so I did the smart thing and went with the basics. I marched around a bit, did some rifle drills, and for a laugh I pointed the corked barrel at Rainbow Dash once. Honestly I just couldn't resist, and her reaction was priceless. Pinkie sure thought so, she almost fell over giggling. Only Dash's minor glare stopped her.

"That was so funny! Wasn't it girls?" the pink party lover asked with her mile-wide grin.

"Whatever." Dash grumped. Seems she didn't like my joke much. At least I didn't fire at her. Seeing as I got it from the master of chaos himself, who knows what might have happend.

It seemed that I was the last present, because soon after I was put back down on the table and with a shout of, "Lets boogie some more!" from Pinkie I was left alone with the gifts. There wasn't that much; a book titled, '1001Party Games, ages three to 103' that was obviously from Twilight, a coupon for one 'Free custom dress of your choosing' from Rarity, a few water lilies that had a couple of bites in them that I think were from Fluttershy(the flowers, not the bites), a small ballon shaped sapphire that was probably from Spike, an apple-pie that was three slices short of a whole pie and had some ribbon on it, Applejack of course, my box, and finally a rather large box that I couldn't see in. But since there was some joke-glasses hanging off one side, I think it was filled with gags for pranks. In which case, it means Dash gave it to her.

Looking back at the party goers, I noticed Twilight glancing at me every once in a while. After a quick look to make sure no one else was watching, I decided to treat her to a little dance number. Ya got to love the "buck and wing" dance. Pun not intended.

You should see her face right now. Her eyes had grown three times their normal size, and looked like they were ready to pop out of her skull, and her iris, in true cartoon response, shrank to pinpricks. Her jaw even dropped so far that I thought it was dislocated, which I can say from experience is incredibly painful. But it was still funny to look at.

"Did you see that!?" She half asked, half panicky jumped Pinkie.

"See what?" The moment she went to turn towards me, I snapped back into my attention stance.

"The wind-up toy, it-it's, just standing there?" Twilight rubbed her eyes in disbelief, before stuttering out, "But it was- I just- it-" I think I broke her. Whoops.

"Um, Twilight?" Pinkie asked, "You didn't happen to have any of the punch did you?" She really looked worried, of course so I would to if my friend start talking like a loon.

"No!" the purple librarian denied, before something the pink mare said seemed to kick in, "Wait. What's wrong with the punch?" That's what I want to know.

"Oh nothing. I just wanted to be sure no-one spiked it like my last party." Pinkie said, waving her hoof in what I assume was a dismissive gesture. Kinda hard to tell. Wait, someone spiked the punch at her last party? And I wasn't there to make fun- I mean, stop them from doing something stupid? Dang.

The unicorn mare shook it off before turning away, mentioning something about needing some sleep. And so the party continued. But when I saw Twilight looking at me again 'bout five minutes latter, I couldn't myself. I just had to pull one last prank on her. I don't care that I didn't really sing at all. Her trying, and failing to put me off as a figment of her imagination gone wild was more then worth it.

It took about an hour but eventually the party started to wind down and everyone, pony or otherwise, really enjoyed themselves. Well, everyone but Twilight. Throughout the rest of the party, she was constantly trying to get the others to catch me in the act, only to fail every time. It was downright hilarious sometimes. One time I caught her talking to Spike and whenever she tried to get him to turn around to look at my killer dance moves, I would stop, leaving her flustered and annoyed. She even went so far as to examine me with her magic, with Pinkie's "Okey-dokey-lokey!" of course, to see if I was being magically manipulated. Her test came up negative, so she tried to put it off as stress and a lack of sleep from over studying, again.

I know it wasn't really fair. I mean, I grew up with the 'Looney Tunes,' so I knew almost every trick in the book. Twilight on the other hand, only ever really dealt with Pinkie Pie, who, while extremely random and prone to harmless pranks, wasn't on the level of 'complete troll' that they were. No that title belongs to Discord, and maybe Celestia. Though I knew I was going to have to make it up to her sooner or later.

Regardless, Pinkie enjoyed herself, and since it was her party, that's all that really mattered. When everything was all clean, and all the guests were thanked multiple times, Pinkie gathered me and the rest of her gifts up, tucked them away in her poofy mane, and with one final, 'Thanks again for the party!' we were off. Only this time, I knew where we were going, despite the fact that I couldn't see again.

It took about ten minutes for us to arrive at the Sugarcube Corner, and I could tell because when she opened the door a bell went off before she called out, "Hi Mrs. Cake. I'm back!" Not to much happened though. Pinkie and Mrs. Cup Cake talked a bit, Pinkie told her about the party, Cup asked her to watch the babies, Pound and Pumpkin, so that she and her husband could go out for the night, which I thought was a bit rude but that went unsaid, and Pinkie shot though the doors to her room, where she then put me and her gifts on her end table. I was in full view of the crib were the two babies sat, the male, light sandy Pegasus with the brown mane named Pound, was happily sitting next to his light-yellow, unicorn sister with her orange mane held up in a baby-blue bow, who was giggling as she used her magic to make a stuffed bunny dance. Rather well I might add.

I watched as Pinkie skipped over to the crib before talking to them in that obnoxious baby talk that for the sake of you eyes, I won't dare repeat. Hell, half of it I'm not sure I could repeat. It was that bad. Apparently I'm not the only one who thought so, because the twins were cringing like they just wet themselves in fear. Clearly, some incredibly brave, amazingly strong, and unbelievably heroic pony/person/thing had to stop this! To bad Mare Do Well isn't anywhere nearby. Guess I'll just have to do.

Hopping around and waving my arms like a lunatic, I managed to catch the babies attention where I proceeded to enact my ingenious and masterly thought out plan. I made faces and rude gestures at Pinkie while she wasn't looking. Brilliant, I know.

At first they didn't seem to get it, but when Pinkie noticed that they were looking behind her, she turned around, only to find everything where she left it, and me standing in attention. She shrugged, and turned back to the two, only for them to start giggling at me when I started doing it again. "What's so funny?" she asked turning around again, only for everything to still be normal. She scratched her head in confusion, before turning back to the two, now laughing babies.

We ended up going though the joke for over an hour with Pinkie becoming more confused and frustrated as the babies kept laughing. It even got to the point that she stared to turn around randomly, trying to make me slip up, but by this point I didn't even have to move to get them giggling. Her spazzing out alone was more then enough.

Eventually, she gave up, and after making sure the twins were fed, changed, and put to bed, she went over and opened the door to her room and let in her toothless pet alligator named Gummy. I was wondering were he was. Of course I could see why he was out there. No one wants a gator near their kids, not even a baby one that had no teeth. Well, no one with morals anyway.

"Come on Gummy," She said in a almost motherly, yet still babying fashion, "it's beddy-by time." I nearly face-palmed at that. Regardless, Gummy responded to her call and, after gumming her legs a few times, crawled into a basket by her bed that I had somehow missed, and curled up like a cat, where he fell asleep in a second. She giggled before climbing into her own bed before turning to me.

"I hope you like it here, Mr." She paused for a second, "Huh, I never got your name. Well that's not fair. You already know me and all of my bestest best friends names, but I don't know your name." Come to think of it, I don't think I've mentioned my name yet, have I? "Well I'll just have to guess your name then. Hmm..." Oh no, I've seen her try to guess Cranky's name and that didn't end well. In my personal opinion anyway.

"Carmine? Tick-Tock? Solider? Band-man?" She started throwing out names like confetti that was going out of season. Oh, wait no, that's Rarity. But still, she just kept going on and on. Heck, many of the words she through out weren't even names. I mean really, do I look like a Little-Boy-Bluey-Mc-Muffin-Wuffen-Pants to you! I don't think so. Thankfully the day's events seemed to catch up to her, because soon she was cutting herself off with yawns.

"Wind-up?*yawn* Tin-man?" I guess I should give out a name here. I mean, I have made you go this far without one. But for the sake of keeping tradition with the whole, 'new-world-means-new-name,' thing going on I've decided to go by an alias. Now don't get me wrong, I do in fact, like my real name. It wasn't that, at all. But in the off chance I run into another powerful being with god like powers, I'd rather not have them use it against me. Discord was bad enough, thank you very much. I'm just glad I didn't give my name to him.

But what name should I go by? Should I use a name I heard somewhere, or should I make one up on the spot? Should I do what the ponies do and use a pun as my name, or should I try to come up with a respectable name from myth and/or legends? So many names I could use. So many veritables.

I waited till her eyes shut and her name calling was reduced to incoherent mumblings before I said the first thing that came to mind. When she gave out a small, 'hmm?' I said it louder.

"Clockwork. My name is Clockwork Second-hand."