I didn't know it at the time, but my arrival would end up setting off a chain of events that would cause untold problems for the land.

In an unknown location, atop a spiraling cliff's edge that only darkness and fear seemed to grasp, there was a dark and foreboding castle. From a distance, one could only see it's ten pitch-black towers, rising up into the sky like twisted fingers trying to scrape the very heavens themselves. Up close, one could see it's roofs covered in twisted and monstrous forms, seemingly ready to leap from their posts to snatch up any unknowing passerby. The drawbridge, the only safe way in or out, was lined with sharp, jagged spikes, ready to shred anything dumb enough to fall off it's edge. If one were to view the moat roughly a mile under said bridge, they would agree that the red dyed waters trapped below only helped to support how dangerous the castle was. Honestly, the whole thing was just one, big, cliche.

This, however, was what the exterior was like. The interior on the other hand, was vastly different. Bright colors as far as the eye could see, with almost no rhyme or reason behind anything. One part of the floor was blue, another part was checkered, another part was pink with green polka-dots, and the rest looked like something that came in with several multi-paint-filled water-guns and just went mad. The walls didn't help because they shifted, turned, and changed color at random intervals, yet somehow stayed away from any item on the floor. The two staircases that were on ether side of the room while leading to the balcony, twisted and bent in bazaar angles, almost never in the same spot twice. A single painting sat on the wall of said platform, depicting a small house on a hill, that was in the middle of a storm, and flashed with lightning a various intervals. The most prominent feature, however, was a elaborate chandelier made out of pink fluffy clouds with white lace trimmings on the edges that hung upside-down and sprayed chocolate milk from it's top that, rather then hit the floor, defied the rules of gravity by falling up into the bottom of the fixture like a fountain.

Honestly, it was like going from a good M rated monster movie, straight into a mansion designed by Dr. Seuss if he was drunk, stoned, and high all at once. In fact, it was so obvious that the decorator knew nothing of consistency; it was outright painful to look at.

And yet it was here that a master's plan would begin. For you see, far passed the strange interior, past the twisting halls, beyond the craziness of the castle, and in the highest room in the tenth and tallest tower, a dark, bipedal, silhouette stood alone in its room. Staring out of the only window, the single figure reached one of its long arms up and adjusted the brim of its large top hat, before using both of its gloved digits to straighten the rather large bow on its neck. It then used its limbs to wipe of some imaginary dust off of its pants, before straightening up, and turning its view out of the window again.

A loud knocking came from the door of the darkened room, but the figure made no moves to answer.

"Enter." the shadowy form called out in a fairly masculine voice, and a slightly robotic tone. A loud groan came from the door as another figure entered the room, its hooves clip-clopping with every step.

"I bring news of grave importance master." The quadruped said in a feminine tone of voice.

"What is it this time?" the, now revealed as male, shadow asked in un-amused exasperation. "Did Vanity lose her mirror again?"

"No milord.” The quadruped answered, “Something far more important has happened. Discord has finally made his move." This caught the shade's attention and as he turned to the four-legged creature, a large grin began to appear on his face, revealing a set of sharp metallic teeth resembling that of a bear trap in place of a normal pair of choppers.

"Well then,” He said with his metallic voice, now filled with sadistic mirth, "tell the gang to quit wanking off, get off of their hind-quarters, and get back to work, because-" He open the window with a flourish and shouted to the heavens.

"IIIIT'S PLAAAAY TIIIIME!!!

It was a beautiful morning here in Ponyville. What with it's warm sunny sky, the birds that were singing their lovely songs, the smell of Cakes, both Mr. and Mrs. as they started making fresh baked breakfast muffins downstairs, there was even a soft breeze flowing through town, and nothing; not the blasted roster crowing, not the mail-mare colliding with the door to the bakery, not even Pinkie's ridiculous workout/baby entertainment routine, was going to ruin it.

*Knock, knock*"Pinkie Pie dear?" Nope. Not even Mrs. Cake knocking on the door, that's Pinkie's problem. "There's some pony at the door for you. They said it's very important." I intentionally ignored the worried look on his face.

"Coming!" Nuh-uh. Not even when Pinkie picked me up and put me in her mane, which resulted in me getting dragged along for the ride. It’s still not going to ruin this day.

"Yes?" No way. Not even a Royal Guard being at the door will ruin this day. Maybe put on a bit of a strain, but nothing bad. I mean it.

"Are you the one called 'Pinkamena Diane Pie' a.k.a. 'Pinkie Pie' a.k.a. 'The Element of Laughter’?” Not even the when the guard's question caused Pinkie to pull out a mirror that I know wasn't there before, nor her saying, "Why yes. Yes I am." was going to ruin this day. No sir.

"The princesses have sent out a summons for you and your fellow 'Elements of Harmony' to come to Canterlot Castle. There have been multiple, reports of unnatural events, similar to Discord's escape six months ago, and they fear his return may be sooner than we had hoped. My fellow guards are gathering the others as we speak, and a chariot has been prepared for quick travel. We request that you retrieve whatever you'll need for the trip, and that when you are ready, head to the library, so that we my leave post-hast."

...Well, there went my good morning. Are you quite happy now?

It didn't take us very long for us, I'm sorry, Pinkie to arrive at the tree/house/library that Twilight lived in, and after a rather boring chat with the guards, of whom have some of the best poker-faces I have ever seen, we were off for the castle. Strangely enough, the whole trip to the castle was rather...Subdued? Depressing? Sorrowful? No, wait, foreboding. That's the word.

No one spoke for a vast majority of the trip, or rather, nopony seemed to be able to find the right words to say. Though, from what I could see though Pinkie's curly locks, it was probably for the best. Applejack and Rainbow Dash seemed to be sharing the same wave-link, as both of them had identical looks of grim determination slapped upon their faces.. Rarity was off to one side of our ride while seemingly focused on primping her mane as well as trying to prevent the wind from tossing it about, yet the grave expression on her face said a different story, and that her hair was just a temporary distraction from what they might have to face.

Fluttershy, on the other hand, didn't seem to be doing to well. In fact she looked like an emotional train wreak. Her facial expression couldn't seem to decide if it wanted to be angry, sad, worried, guilty, or horrified, before starting up again. I couldn't tell you what Twilight and Pinkie looked like, because the former was at the front of the Pegasus driven chariot and the latter for obvious reasons.

I looked over at Fluttershy again and I couldn't seem to think of anything but my want to help calm her or, if nothing else, chose an emotion so that her face wouldn't freeze like that. What? It could happen. But in all honesty, what could I do? I'm a one-foot tall wind up toy with a gun. Not really the kind of thing you'd want friendly advice from. So really, what could I do? I mean, it's not like I could just tell Pinki-

My eyes flew open as a crazy idea hit me. 'Could I?' I asked myself,' I mean there's nothing to say I couldn't.' I countered myself with, 'But what if it works?' I shook my head in negative. 'No, it couldn't possibly...Then again,' I thought, 'it is Pinkie we're talking about here.' Oh sorry, left you out of the loop there for a moment.

Anyway, I decided to enact my half-assed plan, and hope for the best. "Pinkie Pie..." I whispered just loud enough for her to hear. Her head snapped up, getting the attention of the others.

"What is it?" I heard Twilight ask.

"I don't know," Pinkie said. "I thought I heard somepony calling my name for a moment there. Must have been my imagination." She shrugged. The others seemed to accept this, although reluctantly, and slowly returned to what they were doing before. Once I was sure they weren't paying attention to Pinkie, I tried again.

"Pinkie Pie..." This time she started swiveling her head around trying to find the source of my voice, but I was a bit faster then her mouth. Not an easy task, I assure you. "Don't worry. I'm a friend. But please, if you wish to speak to me, simply whisper." I grinned, "After all, you're friends are already stressed and worried. So there's no reason to make things harder on them." I could feel her nod in consent.

"Who are you?" she asked, a tint of worry coating her softly spoken words, betraying her attempt at bravado. Or at least, I think so. It's kind of hard to tell when you're talking to someone's hair.

"I'm you're conscience." I lied smoothy, "We haven't spoken in a while. How are you?" Okay, now you see why I was worried. If someone were to whisper in your ear, 'I'm you're conscience.' would you believe them? Honestly, what kind or ignoramus would fall for that? Hell, what kind of ignoramus could fall for that?

"Eh, I've been better. How 'bout you Mr. Con-what-sis?"....Apparently Pinkie Pie was the kind who would fall for that. I now honestly don't know if the fact that she's pretty much my only protection in this world, is a good thing or not. Shaking that disturbing thought from my head, I deadpanned, "Never better. And it's con'science."

"Okey-dokey-lokey! Oh, have if we haven't talked for a while, then that means I haven't seen you for a long time too, doesn't it? And that means you haven't been able meet my friends. oh you know what I should do? I should totally have a, 'visited by my con-science' party, and introduce you. Oh it'll be great!" Jiminy Cricket, I hope you never had to deal with someone like this. Now lets get something straight, it wasn't that I didn't like Pinkie. Heck, she's on my top five 'best pony' list. But watching and dealing with someone and their personality quirks are two, completely different things.

"Right, ignoring that for a moment, I couldn't help but notice that your yellow friend over there seems to be a bit conflicted." She turned her head over to look at Fluttershy, and asked, "Do you really think so? I mean ya, she looks kind of sad, no wait, angry, no sad, no worried, no guilty-" I rolled my eyes, and you have no idea how much I wanted to use a sarcastic quip, but I restrained the urge because I knew it would only end up with a headache. Something I hope the others pick up sooner then latter.

"Yes, I do. Now please, do both me and her a favor, and give her some reassurance that everything will be alright. Maybe a hug." I said, hoping beyond hope that she just do it and not ask questions. Thankfully, my prayers were answered, because with a small cry of, 'Okey-dokey-lokey!' she moved over to the soft-hearted Pegasus and gave her a soft hug.

"Don't worry Fluttershy," she said sweetly, "We'll stop that big old meenie-pants just like last time. Only not like last time, because we won't let him make us all gray again, and-" I quickly interrupted her before she could go to far, "I think you made your point." Thankfully she took the hint, and backed off, leaving a slightly confused, yet thankful pony behind. What was even better was the fact that Pinkie's words seemed to break most of the tension, leaving little more then determined grins on all of her friends faces....For all of ten seconds, before one of the guards decided to inform us that we were 'five freaking minutes away from the castle. And just like a boomerang covered in nails the tension returned more painfully then before.

'Well buck you too, ya prick' With that thought, and a silent wish that I could show him how Hunter uses Mean Look, we continued on our flight. Oh well. If nothing else, I should be able to get some pay-back on Mr. Kick-you-into-traffic. Here’s hoping.

It did take very long after landing, for them to head for the throne room, or at least that's where I think they went. it was kind of hard to tell with Pinkie's mane bouncing around. I mean really, how much hair does this pony have? Regardless of that, I watched as the guards open the duel massive doors, letting the Main Six, and unknowingly me, into the chambers of the two princesses, where both rulers proudly stood.

"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna," Twilight called, "We came as soon as we could." I couldn't help but stare at them, I'll be honest here, the show doesn't give them justice. The two of them positively radiated authority, in ways I couldn't describe in words. If I had any breath, I wouldn't be able to hold it. Though I had to wonder, what was Luna doing here?

"Thank you Twilight," Celestia replied, "Thank you all. It is good to see you and your friends are well and in good health." Our resident purple mare cocked her head to one side in confusion, before asking, "Why wouldn't we be?" A question that I wanted to know as well. Thankfully, Luna spoke up with a, "Come, thy sister and I shall explain to thou as we travel." Thankfully, Fluttershy's lesson seemed to be working still, as she didn't use her 'ye olde Traditional Canterlot Voice'. Really, I heard enough on the show, I didn't need to hear it in person.

During our travel though the castle, I could hear them conversing. "As the guards have no doubt told you," Celestia started, "over the course of the past several hours, numeral unexplainable events have occurred though-out Equestria, and while the causality rates are thankfully no worst then a few minor cases, I'm afraid there is only a matter of time." That got some eyes wide open.

"Ah' matter of time till what?" Applejack asked, no doubt feeling a little miffed at the idea of anypony getting hurt. Something we had in common. Thankfully Luna picked up where her sister left off.

"Till the rest of thy subjects suffer a shared fate far worst then death." Okay, so maybe it wasn't a good thing she continued. She even scared poor Fluttershy into hiding behind Rainbow. "D-death?" she asked from her new hiding place.

"What my sister is referring to is the unfortunate state of our little ponies, as those that have been affected have been turned to stone." Celestia said gravely. It was a good thing I couldn't be seen because my jaw hit the ground. No literally, my jaw dropped so far that it actually fell off. Talk about awkward. I didn't even know I could do that.

"But princess," Twilight countered with worry etched on her face, "I thought Discord couldn't do that?" Oh really now? Where in the world did you get the idea that an all powerful, lord of chaos couldn't turn ponies to stone. Hell, he got me here by drop-kicking me in front of a truck, and had me turned into a wind-up toy in the possess. I highly doubt he couldn't turn anything to stone.

"Nay," Luna stated, unintentionally punning, "It hath always been within his power to do so, yet he himself hath never utilized it, until now." Wow. I hit the nail on the head with that one, didn't I?

"Regardless," the elder sister said, "What he has done is unforgivable. Now that he has returned, we need you to wield the 'Elements of Harmony' once more, and stop Discord, before he sends Equestria into eternal chaos!" Well that speech seems familiar. I watched as the girls looked at each other, and a with silent agreement passing though them, Twilight stepped forward and said, "Princesses, you can count on us. We'd be honored to wield the 'Elements of Harmony' again." Both princess smiled before turning to the door to a rather elaborate door that, no doubt, lead to the elements.

Appearance wise, it wasn’t too different from the first door. The only real modification done was a crescent moon covering part of the sun shaped lock, as well as a few constellations adorning it spaces. The only other change was the additional hole in the lock on the moon side. It was a … interesting change.

"After Discord's last escape," Celestia explained, "My sister and I realized that my magic alone, could never hold off his power, so the two of us had all of Canterlot tower, the safe place for the Elements, completely redone so that both Luna and I must be present to unlock the seals placed throughout the towers chamber." Ah. So that's why Luna was still up and about despite it being day time.

The seven of us watched as the two Alicorns went to work, stabbing two preset holes in the door with their horns, causing it to give off a powerful and majestic glow that filled the room, all but blinding the Main six in the process. Though I think I heard Pinkie say that it was, 'pwetty' I couldn't really tell over the sound of the doors sliding on the ground as they opened. Once the light died down, we all cast a glance into the room. Though I know I heard Rarity make a comment on the elaborate case, I tried to ignore it.

"Have no fear my little ponies," Celestia said, "My sister and I have complete and total confidence that you will be able to defeat Discord once and for all," she levitated the case into full view, "with these." she finished. She and her sister than opened the gem encrusted box....Only for them to drop it as the Main six to let out a gasp when they saw there wasn't anything in there but the plush linings.

"Oh come on!" Rainbow shouted out loud after getting over her shock, "this is the second time this has happened! Not. COOL!" For once we were in agreement. I mean really now, who... Who was the one cackling like an old witch doctor?

"Looking for something, girls?" A rather metallic males voice rang out with a thick stream of sarcasm from across the hall. Everyone's gaze shot over to said door, only for us all, myself especially, to let out a gasp of pure shock as we stared at him.

It was a Human. An honest to god, male of the human verity stood in the hallway, slightly leaning against one of the many pliers with his two legs supporting most of his weight. Or at least, he was mostly human. He was fairly tall, roughly around 6'5 and his body was rather on the thin side, almost to the point that you'd think he starved himself to get to that point. His round and fair skinned head was a bit out of proportion to his body but nothing major. His short-cut chocolate-blond hair was pretty well done, and the majority of his bangs were wrapped in a rather nice swirl, while the sides slightly framed his face.

His clothing was rather strange for he wore a sky-blue dress-shirt under a moderate-phthalate-blue tuxedo that sat snug against his skinny neck. Over that he wore a rather large, cornflower-blue bow and tie combo with black pinstripes crossing diagonally across it, and sitting on the knot of the bow was a golden medallion in the shape of a swirl. Moving down for a second, he wore a pair of dark-blue dress pants, and strangely enough, a pair of brown dress shoes that looked like they better befitted a clown, then they did him. His final piece of clothing was a top-hat of similar shade to that of his tux, with a dark-blue band running around the base. In the front of the hat sat a blue rectangular plate that had two identical swirls one ether side that vaguely resembled eyes. And finally, sticking out of the band on the left side was the 'Ace of diamonds' card. Yes, he sounds pretty normal right now, doesn't he?

However, while those were the parts that were normal, the rest were most defiantly not. Both of his arms and, to a minor extent his torso, had freakin' eyes sticking out of the suit and sleeves; as well as having one cantaloupe sized one placed vertically on his hat. To make things even creepier, the iris was that of a dark sapphire, and he also had six more overly large eyes that were floating around him that, where the whites of the eyes should be, there was nothing but pitch black. At the end of each of these arms, there was a single, white gloved hand with three fingers and one thumb each.
Glad I'm not the only one going through that. Moving on up to his face again I could see that he didn't have any teeth; instead, he seemed to have placed a miniature bear-trap in their place. What was even worst, however, was the fact that he had no eyes. I'm not kidding here; all that could be seen were a pair of blackened pits where his eyes should have been!

Though this all was something they noticed to, it was what was held in his hands that truly held their gazes. For them, they mostly focused on his left hand, for he was spinning one of the Elements on one of his fingers like it was a toy to be played with. I on the other hand, excuse the pun, was watching his right hand, for in it he held what looked like a revolver. Of which, bared a remarkable resemblance to the real life Izimech MP412 REX, which I could only assume he knew how to use; though I really hoped otherwise.

He grinned sadistically at the ponies that, though some were able to hide it better than others, caused a shiver to run up and down their spines. To make things worse, a guard chose that moment to run at the strange human, demanding that he halt. It was his last mistake. The man simply raised the pistol so that the barrel was aimed at him and, without even moving his missing gaze from us, fired a round that with a loud BANG that caused Flutters to scream and hide as the bullet went right into the guard's forehead.
The colt fell to the ground like a sack of flour, only instead of flesh, blood, and possibly brain matter splashing over the tiles; the shot seemed to have turned him into stone. Not even caring that he turned a pony into an oversized lawn ornament, or that he was now being given a glare from the princesses that could very well kill a lesser man, he raised the now smoking barrel to his lips and blew, making a soft whistle escape, before a little flag with the word 'Bang' written on it popped out.

"So. Who's next?

Author's Note

Edit: Okay after numerous PMs complaining(whining) about my villains appearance I've given him a bit of a redesign. Happy?