The Only Mark That Matters

Light sat behind her store counter, working in her sketchbook. The bell above the door clanged. She looked up to see Twilight Sparkle cautiously walking in.

“Hello, Light.”

“Hello… you.”

“Light, I’ve come to explain myself, and hopefully preserve our friendship.”

“Gosh, Twilight, whatever are you talking about?”

Twilight lowered her head. “I know that Starlight Glimmer was exceptionally cruel to you. I can’t ask you to forgive her, but I beg you to see my reasoning behind pardoning her.”

“Oh, you think I’m still mad about that? Pfft. Water under the bridge.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Really?”

“Yeah. See, I met with Rad’s therapist, and he taught me to focus on the things I can control, not the things I can’t.”

“That’s, uh, healthy…”

“And the one thing I can control is my store. Check it out.”

She gestured to a rack behind Twilight. Twilight turned and looked. It was all new merchandise of Crepuscular Haze- the villain character Light based on Starlight Glimmer. Most of the merchandise depicted her being defeated in humiliating, sometimes cartoonishly comical, ways. Twilight looked over the display and sighed.

“Light, I can’t tell you how to run your business-”

“True.”

“But Starlight is at a very delicate juncture right now. If she sees these-”

“Oh, she will. I sent some free samples to your castle.”

“Okay, we’re not going to meet halfway on this. Are we at least still friends?”

“Of course, sweetie! In fact, I was just about to ask you to be one of my bridesmaids.”

Twilight raised an even more suspicious eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah! Here, I’m making these little gift bags for all my bridesmaids. They have fun little games so you can all get to know each other.”

Twilight took a gift bag and pulled out a notecard. It was a list of icebreaking questions. She read off it.

“‘What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex? Who was the hottest pony you’ve ever had sex with? What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?’ Light, if you’re trying to humiliate me by drawing attention to my sexual inexperience…”

“Your what?”

“I’ll have you know that I am not ashamed of it, nor should anypony be. And that this is exceedingly petty of you.”

Light leaned in and grinned. “Keep reading. It gets pettier.”

Twilight flipped to the next card. It was a trivia game with questions about the bride and groom.

“‘Why did Radish choose Light Fantastic over Twilight Sparkle? Was it A: Her looks, B: Her personality, C: She doesn’t pardon supervillains, or D: All of the above.’”

Twilight sighed. “Light, you have every right to be upset. But can’t we just have a rational discussion, rather than going through all this passive-aggressive sniping?”

“No, I like the passive-aggressive sniping.”

Radish snuggled close to Light in her bed.

“Great dinner, hon,” he said.

“You always say that.”

“You always make great dinners!”

“Hey… the Purple Squirt came by the shop today.”

“Oh. Are the two of you okay?”

Light sighed. “I don’t know how to be okay with her, Radish. I don’t know how she could just flip a switch and be friends with that bitch.”

“Sometimes you have to give Twilight room to realize she’s making a mistake.”

“You think that will happen?”

“Yeah, and I think it’ll happen sooner rather than later. Ponies like Glimmer don’t change.” He put a hoof around her. “But in the meantime, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I like it when you hold me like this.”

“I like holding you like this.”

They kissed.

Radish slowly woke up next to Light. He felt a bit off- like he was colder than he should be. He realized that the sensation- a certain tugging in his chest- was disturbingly familiar. He lifted his head and scanned the room. Light stirred, waking up next to him.

“Mmm, mornin’,” she said.

“Hey, Fan, do you remember our second date?”

“The farmers market?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Why?”

He leaned into her ear and whispered, “Keep calm. I think there’s a changeling nearby.”

“A changeling!?” Light yelped.

The bed rumbled. They both heard a scrabbling of chitin on wood. Then, in a flash, a black shape shot out from under the bed and latched onto the ceiling. It was indeed a changeling, and it quickly spat globs of green goo at Radish and Light, gluing them together.

“Hey!” cried Light.

The changeling dropped onto them and spewed out more goo, rapidly wrapping the two in a cocoon up to their necks.

Radish struggled. “Son of a- is that you again, you stupid flea?”

“Hello, Radish Root,” said Maxilla, grinning.

“You know her?” asked Light.

“Light, meet Maxilla,” Radish grumbled. “She’s been stalking me ever since the royal wedding.”

“Sheesh, Rad, how many admirers do you have? And you,” Light said, turning to Maxilla. “Have some self-respect. There are plenty of other guys out there.”

“Silence!” demanded Maxilla.

“You’re supposed to be in prison, in the Crystal Empire,” said Radish, trying to wriggle free.

“The Crystal Empire is now under changeling rule,” she said proudly. “My hivemates found me and released me.”

“What?”

“Chrysalis has made her move, Radish Root! Changelings have taken and replaced all the most important ponies in the land. All the royalty, and their Elements of Harmony!”

“Impossible!”

“I am here, am I not? And now I claim you as my spoils of war.”

“Hey, bug lady,” said Light, annoyed. “I don’t share Radish with the princesses, much less some chick out of a hive.”

“Look,” Radish said, addressing Maxilla, “just let Light go. She’s not part of this.”

“She is now. I felt her love for you, Radish Root. It was delicious. And when the two of you started to pair-bond last night, the output of love was overwhelming- even greater than the sum of its parts!”

Radish cringed. “You were under the bed all night!?”

“Yes. The love pouring down on me was so delicious, I could barely move!”

“Eww, Hon, we just had a threesome with a changeling,” said Light.

“No,” stated Radish. “She was not an invited participant. She was just a creep getting off on our love.”

“Like, a voyeur? A peeper? Okay, that makes me feel a lot better.”

“Whatever you call it, I want more,” said Maxilla. She pushed Radish’s and Light’s faces together. “Resume the lovemaking.”

“Nah, giant bugs vomiting slime all over me are a total mood-killer,” said Light.

“Look, Maxilla-” started Radish.

A loud buzzing passed over the townhouse. Maxilla growled, looked up, and hunched over.

“Be quiet,” she whispered. “Other changelings are on the hunt outside. If they know we are in here, they will try to fight me over you.”

“HEY, CHANGELINGS!” bellowed Light. “MAXILLA IS IN HERE! COME FIGHT HER!”

“Vexatious simpleton!” hissed Maxilla, rushing to cover Light’s mouth.

The window opened. A large green creature- quadrupedal with elaborate orange antlers- climbed inside, accompanied by a group of smaller, similar-looking creatures.

“Maxilla!” he said. “Let those ponies go!”

Maxilla startled back.

“Thorax!? Is that you? What is this ridiculous form you are taking?”

“This the true form of changelings, Maxilla. It’s a secret Chrysalis was keeping from us. This is what changelings become when we share love, not steal it!”

“You look absurd, and you speak absurdities! When the queen hears of this-”

“Chrysalis has fled, Maxilla,” said one of the smaller colorful changelings. “Her plan has been foiled, her prisoners are free, and her throne is destroyed!”

“But without the throne, we can’t defend ourselves from pony magic!”

“We don’t need to,” said another small changeling. “Ponies and changelings are friends now!”

“Impossible!”

“You can have friends, too,” said Thorax. “You can become whole, like the rest of us did. Just let these ponies go, and we’ll teach you how.”

Maxilla backed away, sneering. “These ponies are mine, and I will fight you for them.”

“But, Maxilla, you’ve already lost them,” he said, pointing to the bed.

Maxilla turned. The cocooned forms of Radish and Light burst with green fire, revealing another colorful changeling, smiling smugly. Maxilla looked around in panic.

“What have you done with them!?”

“You don’t need to feed on them anymore,” Thorax said, walking close to her. “We’ll show you.”

“You’ve always been a fool, Thorax!” Maxilla cried, rearing up. “I will find the queen myself, and we will put down this rebellion together!”

She flashed into the form of a phoenix and bolted out the window, zigzagging around the other changelings as she went. Some of the changelings in the room gave chase.

Thorax knelt and dragged Radish and Light, still cocooned, out from under the bed. He bit into and ripped open the cocoon. Light and Radish stretched out their legs.

“Thanks,” said Radish, looking over his rescuers. He didn’t feel a drain on his love. He relaxed.

“Whoa, you guys are, like, so trippy to look at. Can I draw you?” asked Light.

“Was all that true?” asked Radish. “Everypony is safe? Chrysalis has been deposed?”

“It is true!” said one of the small changelings. “The long famine is over! King Thorax here has ushered in a new era for us!”

“Oh, I didn’t do it alone,” Thorax said, smiling bashfully. “I had help from some amazing new friends!”

“Who?” asked Radish. “Members of the Guard?”

“No, I met them in Ponyville. There was Trixie, who was really clever-”

“Trixie?” asked Radish. “As in, Trixie Lulamoon?”

“-and Discord was so brave!”

“Discord!? The Discord? He actually did something helpful?”

“Yeah! But the one who really saved the day was-”

“No. Please don’t say it.”

“Starlight Glimmer! The heroine who saved two kingdoms!”

Radish took up the torn cocoon and wrapped it back around himself. He curled into a ball inside it.

“What are you doing?” asked Thorax.

“Just put me back in. I’m not dealing with this.”