The Only Mark That Matters

Scootaloo took the lectern of the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse.

“Glad you all could make it,” said Scootaloo. “This is a special meeting of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, so it’s fitting that you two could be present for it.”

“Glad ‘ta be here!” said Babs Seed.

“Special meeting? Cool!” said Gabby.

Scootaloo attached a marker drawing to the wall behind her.

“This is Radish Root, a royal guard who just got a medal for saving Equestria! We want to make him an honorary member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Apparently there’s something unusual about his cutie mark. We may never know what that is, but want him to know that he has the love and support of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, no matter what.”

Babs and Gabby looked at each other uncomfortably.

“Seriously, you don’t know?” asked Gabby.

“What, you do know his cutie mark?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Uh, yeah, everypony in Bronclyn has heard of him,” Babs said. “His cutie mark is a picture of him bangin’ Celestia.”

“WHAT!?” Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo cried.

“Yeah, really givin’ it to her from behind. We’re talkin’ face-down, flank-up, Celestia’s mind totally blown.”

“But it supposedly looks consensual,” assured Gabby.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo went into a huddle and whispered amongst themselves. Apple Bloom stuck her head out.

“We’re going to call a five-minute recess to discuss this new information. Help yourself to the snacks in the meantime.”

Radish approached his palace quarters door. He noticed an envelope in the wire mail rack hanging beside it. His address and the return address had been written in crayon. He opened it.

Dear Maj. Radish Root,

You are hereby granted Honorary Member Status of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and all honors and privileges thereof. Congratulations! You are an inspiration to everypony who has known anxiety over the matter of cutie marks.

Enclosed is an official CMC patch. Wear it with pride, as we are proud of you. Details of future club activities will be forthcoming.

Sincerely,

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Ponyville Division

Radish took a small cloth patch out of the envelope. It featured a silhouette of a caped filly rearing up. He held it up against his breastplate. Another major, Bankshot, walked past him.

“What’s that? Something from your kids?”

“It means I’m a member of a very exclusive organization.”

Radish entered his quarters and pinned the patch to his wall next to his medals.