Chapters The Last Hearts and Hooves Day
Hearts and Hooves Day has arrived and ponies across all of Equestria are celebrating the day of love. While some ponies aren't in a relationship, they still see it as a chance to show their family and friends that they care about them. There is one pony whoever, that utterly despises the holiday and all that it stands for. That pony is Dr. M. Colgate, the local dentist down in Ponyville. To her it is a holiday that does nothing but encourage ponies to eat food that is bad for their teeth and to brainwash ponies into believing love is real. To her love was nothing more than a sham where ponies took advantage of one another.
It was early on Heart's and Hooves Day and the sun woke up Colgate. She stretched out and groaned in frustration as she knew what day it was. She knew that it was the day that ponies would be going out to fancy dinners, giving gifts of candy and doing nothing but showing public displays of affection that should never be done out in public. The more Colgate thought about this, the more pissed off she became. By the time she got downstairs to fix herself some breakfast, her blood was already boiling.
Colgate's younger sister Lyra Heartstrings lived with her. Lyra, unlike her sister, had a special somepony and absolutely loved the holiday. There was one thing that did unnerve her though, her elder sister's opinion of the holiday and her hatred of her marefriend, Bon Bon. When Colgate finally arrived in the kitchen Lyra asked, "So sis, what's for breakfast this morning?"
Colgate snapped, "We're having eggs, bacon, toast and cider just like always! I don't know why the hell you have to ask." Colgate then put on some music and turned the volume up high, high enough that it could likely be heard outside. Once the music began to play she let out a less stressed sigh, "Nothing like some Iron Mareden to start out the day with, right sis?"
Lyra wasn't exactly the biggest fan of the music that her sister listened to and sighed as frustration as Colgate began to caterwaul in an attempt to sing the lyrics. This is one thing that truly irritated Lyra as she always started the day out with metal music but whenever Hearts and Hooves Day came around, she always turned the volume up a lot higher and despite having absolutely no talent, she would attempt to sing to the lyrics.
She sighed, "If you say so. I'd rather we listen to something romantic but I know how much you hate that kind of stuff."
Colgate snapped, "Damn straight I hate that shit." She raised her voice and added, "If I were dictator of this country I'd ban all this sappy romantic shit."
Lyra sighed, "Good thing you're not the princess then."
Colgate blew off the comment and got to fixing their breakfast. While she was cooking, Colgate began to mumble, "Ugh, I hope Lyra doesn't get all sappy over this shitty holiday and she better not bring that bitch marefriend of hers over. I fucking hate her, I absolutely fucking hate her." Her anger then caused her to think out loud, "Ugh, if only there was a way to kill this stupid holiday."
Lyra heard her somewhat and asked, "What, you want to kill Bon Bon?"
Colgate snapped, "If I could get away with it I'd do it. You know I don't approve of that relationship you have with her. I don't know why the hell you couldn't have hooked up with somepony nice like one of the florists." She then gagged a bit, "Hell, even that diva Rarity would have been far better than her. At least she isn't a grade A bitch all the time."
Lyra was less than thrilled, "Look, Bon Bon is good to me and we seem to click. I know I could never click with a drama queen like Rarity."
Colgate grunted, "Whatever but do know this, I will NEVER approve of Bon Bon, her frowns and her cavity causing crap, ever."
Lyra decided it would be best to remain quiet and just let Colgate enjoy her metal as she cooked. One thing that she was happy about though was that it was Saturday which meant that she didn't have to be in the office all day putting up with her sister's mood swings. Rather than putting up with that, she could instead go and spend time with her marefriend and with it being Hearts and Hooves Day, she knew that Bon Bon would likely have something special planned for them.
After she finished her breakfast and saw that Colgate was in the kitchen getting seconds, she decided it would be best if she left before Colgate could question her over her plans for the day. Once she got out of the house she sighed in relief, "Thank goodness. It is so nice to get away from her even if it is just for a few hours!"
When Colgate noticed she was gone, she knew where she had gone and was not one bit happy about it. She stuck her head out the door and saw Lyra headed in the direction of Bon Bon's house. She was infuriated when she saw this and hoped to get her sister's attention before it was too late, "Lyra Heartstrings, you get your flank back here! It is your turn to do the dishes!"
It would do no good though as Lyra was already well out of ear shot. Colgate grunted in frustration as she headed back in the house to finish her meal. Once inside, she turned the volume all the way up on her music and began to think about the whole situation. Her thoughts would then turn back to the holiday she hated so much. She quickly began to wonder if there wasn't some sort of way to rid the world of the holiday.
She did learn some about the holiday in her school and remembered how it came about as a result of an earth pony prince serving an Alicorn princess some sort of love poison that pretty much incapacitated the two of them. She then remembered how that resulted in a dragon attacking, the citizens killing the prince and princess and then everything going straight to hell. She got a smile on her face and said to herself, "What would have happened had the situation with the love poison never happened? What if they had been killed prior to that happening?"
Colgate then realized that she would have to travel through time yet she had no idea on how to do it. She then thought that perhaps she could enlist the one pony in town who knew how to to aid her, Starlight Glimmer. She knew that getting her to help her would be tough, especially given her past and the fact that she is pretty much joined at the hip with Twilight. She sighed, "Well maybe Twilight will leave town and Starlight will stay behind. That way, I could get her to help me out with this. In the end, Twilight would never know she helped me at all.
The Last Hearts and Hooves Day
Colgate's Trip to Twilight's Castle
After she was done contemplating what she would need to do, she decided to head towards Twilight's castle to see if maybe she could see Starlight Glimmer. Before heading out though, she grabbed her saddlebags and grabbed a couple things she knew she would need. She grabbed her largest butcher knife because she would need something to kill those troublemaker royals with. She then got a sadistic grin on her face and snickered, "Maybe I could even drag this out, I could extend their suffering."
After that thought she headed to her practice to grab a couple of other things. She thought that once they got back into the past that Starlight might cause her some problems so she grabbed some sedatives. She also began to wonder what it would look like if she was to puncture the lungs of a pony so she grabbed the instrument to remove debris from between ponies' teeth. She got a smile on her face as she got everything into her saddlebags and headed towards the palace.
As she was headed through town, it was all Colgate could do to not vomit. She saw plenty of heart decorations and couples out buying one another treats, flowers and much to her disgust, kissing. She thought to herself, "Ugh, can't they keep that shit indoors? Such filth was never meant to be done out in public, never!"
She then saw something that infuriated her, Lyra having a meal with Bon Bon at the restaurant. This pissed her off enough but when she saw the two give one another a tender kiss, she had had enough of this. She stormed over to the two and screamed, "Lyra Heartstrings, what the hell is this?" She flared her horn up in anger and yelled, "You better not be buying this bitch a meal."
Lyra was terrified but Bon Bon knew she had to hold up for her marefriend, "Look, I bought her this meal and I don't know why you have to be such a bitch over this."
Colgate blew her off and yelled, "Come on Lyra, I don't need this shit and you don't need it. You can do better, much better!"
Lyra knew that the time had come to finally stand up to her elder sister. She firmly stated, "No Colgate, I am not coming with you." She turned to Bon Bon, gave her a smile before turning back to Colgate and continued, "You know what, I have talked to Bon Bon and she said I could move in with her so that is what I'm going to do."
Colgate flared her horn up in anger and yelled, "Very well then, I want your shit out of my house by the end of the day and don't expect to have a job on Monday either. I'll hire somepony whose mind isn't poisoned by love, especially love for an undesirable bitch!" She then noticed that everypony was staring at her in shock causing her to finish, "What the fuck do you think you're looking at?"
Once she got back to going towards the palace she knew that she was going to have to calm down if she was going to enlist Starlight to help her. She knew that if she showed up still in a fury with that hateful glare in her eyes that there would be no way she would help her. She took a few deep breaths and sighed, "Alright Colgate, just calm down. Calm down and everything will be fine."
Once Colgate got closer to the palace, she realized something. She realized that Starlight simply wasn't going to cast the spell for her, she knew that she would have to con Starlight into teaching her the spell. She sighed, "Alright, I may not be able to do this today but if I can eventually learn the spell, I can do this. Now to see if she'll help me."
When Colgate got fairly close to the castle, she saw something that would make her very happy. She noticed that not only was Twilight and Spike headed towards the train station, so were Starlight and the rest of their friends. When she noticed that they had a lot of luggage she said to herself, "This is sweet, they might be gone for several days. Now just to break in and study enough I can do this."
Colgate noticed that the train was likely going to be headed to the Crystal Empire and this made her happier. She continued her thoughts, "She's going up to see Cadence, Shining Armor and Flurry Heart so now I know they're going to be gone for a while. Once that train is gone, I'm heading in."
Once they got on the train and it pulled out of the station, she looked around and noticed that nopony was even looking her way and would be elated when she easily cast a spell to unlock the castle door and head in. Once she got inside, she looked back and noticed that Twilight had a regular lock on the door, a door that any unicorn with at least average power could unlock. She laughed, "Damn Twily, you don't even secure your door? How foolish, overly trusting and naïve!"
After casting the lock spell, she began to wander around the castle, looking for the library. She had never been in Twilight's castle before so it took her a while to find the library. Once she finally found it she said to herself, "Ok, time to find Starlight's time travel spell, learn it, cast it and go wipe out this nasty holiday!"
She began digging through things and was not finding a trace of the spell. She did come across some books, books that included Starswirl's old time spell but not a trace of Starlight's spell. She then realized that chances were they destroyed Starlight's version of the spell so that she wouldn't be tempted to use it again and maybe alter things in a way that it would benefit her.
Ultimately she gave up looking for the advanced spell and started going over Starswirl's spell. She sighed in disgust as she read through it, "No wonder this could only take you back a week and you could only stay there for not even a minute, it is so damn simple." She threw her hooves up in the air and yelled, "Damn it, now I have to write my own magic and who knows how fucking long that is going to take!"
She saw a nearby table with a quill and some table and figured that she could write it down on there. She then noticed something on the table, a book about the history of Hearts and Hooves Day. She smiled a bit and noticed that it had a book mark in it. She opened it up to the bookmark and it opened up to the very part she would need, the history of the holiday. What she read shocked her, she learned that Princess Cadence had absolutely nothing to do with the holiday, she learned that it was older than Equestria itself was.
She then realized something, she realized that the spell she was going to have to write would have to be extremely powerful to create and be difficult to cast. She then sighed, "Ok but where the hell did this happen? I have to know exactly where and when it happened."
As she continued to read, she also learned what all happened afterwards but most importantly, where and when it happened. "Ok, February 14 in the year 1732 of the pre-Celestia era forty miles east of modern day Canterlot." Her eyes lit up as she gasped, "Wait a minute, that is right here where Ponyville is! All I have to do is cast the spell, kill them and it will be mission accomplished!"
Then came the most important part, writing a spell. She stood there tapping the quill on the paper until the words suddenly came to her, almost as if some sort of force gave them to her,
"Round and round the world has turned for ages Time is the unstoppable force for even the great mages, Long gone are the days when times were great For they have been destroyed my much hate.
The days of old long ago ended their turn, Yet to those I must return. As I go the visions of the past I must see, So I will know where I must be.
She then smiled, "Alright, if this works, I can take care of this problem." She then got a bigger smile on her face, "And not only can I destroy this cursed holiday but since they met on that day, I can prevent Lyra from ever hooking up with Bon Bon! It will be a win-win!"
The Last Hearts and Hooves Day
Colgate was not sure exactly how she was going to do this. She had her concerns that if she cast the spell inside the palace that something bad may happen to her yet if she went outside, somepony might see her and then report her to Twilight. She knew that things may not bode all that well for her if she did that. She then remembered how it was when Twilight and Starlight got involved in their time travel incident, she would return to the exact place and time from which she cast the spell. After realizing that, she decided she would take the risk of doing it outside.
As she was heading out of the castle, she noticed that most everypony was gathered right in the middle of town taking part in the holiday's festivities so she wouldn't have to worry about being seen. She got probably a good twenty feet away from the castle before flaring up her horn and reciting,
"Round and round the world has turned for ages Time is the unstoppable force for even the great mages, Long gone are the days when times were great For they have been destroyed my much hate.
The days of old long ago ended their turn, Yet to those I must return. As I go the visions of the past I must see, So I will know where I must be.
The moment she finished the spell, things began to go by in reverse but not nearly fast enough for Colgate. She didn't feel like it taking forever to get back to that point so she put more power into the spell and things began to go by much, much quicker. She saw so many things go by in reverse, she saw many, many bad times but ultimately, she saw something that caused her to not only lessen the power of the spell but to stop it entirely.
Once she stopped it, she was in the middle of an open field and not too far away from her sat an Alicorn princess with a picnic basket. Off in the distance she saw a rather large earth pony stallion wearing a crown heading her way. She got a huge smile on her face as she realized that it all came down to this, it was either she kill them or all this would be for naught.
Once she saw the two, she began to wonder which one she should attack first. The earth pony appeared to be incredibly strong and could inflict damage on her but then it hit her that she could just blast him with her magic. She laughed, "He's just a lousy earth pony, I can burn him good with my magic." She turned to the Alicorn and continued, "She will be the one to cause me problems, she must be attacked first, I must break off her horn."
She noticed that the Alicorn had turned her back to her and was facing the prince that was approaching her. She knew the time had finally come, the time to wipe that shitty holiday out has come. She grabbed her knife in her aura and launched her attack on the princess. She let out a loud cry of pain as the knife was plunged into her. The earth pony then saw what was going on and he charged towards the two, "Nopony hurts my marefriend like that, nopony!"
Colgate flared up her horn and fired a powerful bolt of energy at him, knocking him down to the ground. That would not be enough though as he was able to get up so she continued her assault on him until all he was doing was laying on the ground and moaning in pain. She then turned to the princess and laughed, "And now my dear it is time to stop this fucking holiday from ever coming to be."
The Alicorn powered up her horn but was quickly struck by Colgate's magic, causing her to be disoriented. She wanted to at least disable her quickly so she could go and wipe out the stronger prince. She pounced on her and began slamming her head into the ground until her horn was broke off at the base when it hit a rock. The princess let out another agonizing cry of pain. While Colgate was happy, she knew she had to completely immobilize her so she took to her legs.
As she began to bend them in ways that they shouldn't be, the Alicorn was screaming in pain and struggling. Her cries of pain became louder as Colgate began breaking her legs. She let out a sadistic laugh after the first one was broke, "Ha you little bitch! Now I can kill your little coltfriend over there without any problems!"
One leg was not enough for her though, she wanted to inflict the maximum amount of pain possible on the Alicorn so she broke the rest of her legs before stomping on her head a few times. The princess cried out, "Why would you do this? Why would you stab me, break my horn off and break my legs? Why would you fry him so much with your magic."
Colgate laughed, "Because I have to! The very future of ponykind rests on me wiping you two out!"
Colgate then walked over to the prince and saw that he was attempting to get up and to her, this was not an option, it was something that must be stopped. She saw a nearby rock and smashed into the prince's head, giving him a concussion. She laughed, "Well now that you're out of it, it is time to make sure you are not a threat!"
She then took to his legs and did to them what she did to the princess's. She bent them in a way that she shouldn't have. She broke them one at a time, causing him to scream out in agony as she did it. When his body began to convulse she snapped, "Damn it, don't die on me yet bitch! I have so much more to do!"
She then cast a spell to calm him down and then took out her knife and readied herself to do to him what she had been fantasizing about doing since she decided to do this. She knelt down and began to cut him open. The moment she began, he let out a scream of agony. Given that he had not began to convulse yet, she continued to cut him open until she had him dissected like one would a frog.
Colgate then decided to do something truly sadistic. She knelt down further and began to eat the meat off of his ribcage while he was still alive. With each bite came another scream of agony from him. After thirty minutes she had ate all the meat and saw his heart and lungs working hard to keep him alive. She then eyeballed the heart and thought that it would make a truly tasty meal, first though the ribcage would have to be broken open so that is what she did.
When she bit down and broke open the ribcage, the prince screamed in agony and began to convulse again causing Colgate to scream, "Don't you die on me yet you little bitch! I have more I must do!"
She then cast another spell to calm him down and moved on to the next phase of what she wanted to do. She dug the instrument to remove debris from between teeth and poked it into the bottom of one of his lungs, creating a tiny hole. Almost immediately the lung began to collapse. Colgate stood over him with a gleeful smile on her face as she laughed, "Now I wait for that thing to collapse and then I'll take your heart!"
As he continued to lay there, gasping for breath as it became harder for him Colgate began to celebrate, "Not much longer bitches, not much longer!"
The princess then began to yell at Colgate prompting her to face her and scream, "It's not your turn yet you little bitch, you'll get your turn in due time!"
She turned back to the prince and grunted, "Ugh, why the fuck an Alicorn would want you is beyond me but it is downright disgusting."
Ultimately the prince was having a lot of problems breathing as the lung had collapsed. Colgate licked her chops and snickered, "And now the time has come! The time has come for me to have a tasty meal and for your sorry ass to wind up in Tartarus!"
She knelt back down and lowered her head into his chest cavity. She gave him a smile and laughed, "Any last words little prince?"
He could only let out a couple of sighs and this amused Colgate, "Apparently not so now your time has come, now you must die!"
She put the beating heart in her mouth and ripped it out with her teeth, causing one final scream from him. She then began to eat the heart as blood was flowing out and getting in her coat. She did not care though, she had killed one of the troublemakers. She then turned back towards the princess and laughed, "And now it is time for you to join your little coltfriend in Tartarus."
She cried out, "You monster, how could you do this?"
Colgate kicked her in the head and snapped, "Because it is my duty, it is my moral obligation to prevent ponies such as you from destroying the future of ponykind!"
The princess continued to scream at her but Colgate did not care. She then began to wonder how she should handle her. She wondered if she should drag her death out like she did the prince's or if she should make it quick. She looked down and saw her horn laying on the ground. It was at that moment that she decided she wanted to hurry up and get back to her own time so she decided to wipe her out quickly.
She grabbed her horn in her aura and began, "You know something little girl, had you not decided to submit to a magic-less loser who was going to serve you love poison, I wouldn't have had to come back and do this. If you had even a tenth of a brain, you would have hooked up with a unicorn or an Alicorn who could win your love without making a love poison to brainwash you!"
She yelled, "He'd never do such a thing because he loves me!"
Colgate burned her with her energy, "Bullshit bitch. Their kind know the only way they can hook up with a pony with magic is to poison them and unfortunately you were too stupid to know that." She then levitated her horn above her and yelled, "Good riddance bitch! Have fun in Tartarus!"
She then slammed the horn into her torso, striking the heart. The princess let out one final cry of pain before going silent. Colgate approached her, put her horn on her neck to feel for a pulse. When she did not find a pulse, she began to celebrate, "I did it, I did it! I stopped that fucking holiday!"
She then began to wonder why she wasn't being sucked back into what would be her present. She then saw the jug of love poison and realized that other ponies could find it and fall victim to it. She said to herself, "Oh, I have to destroy this and then everything will be fine."
She took the jug and began to pour it out into a nearby stream. When the very last drop fell into the stream, a portal opened up and sucked Colgate in. As she was being pulled back into her present, all she could do was hope that the Equestria she would return to would be an Equestria free of Hearts and Hooves Day, a much better Equestria.
The Last Hearts and Hooves Day
It was February 14th when a portal opened up just to the south of Twilight's castle right where the local stream flowed. Out of that vortex fell Colgate, who wound up hitting the ground rather hard. Colgate groaned, "Ugh!"
As soon as she got up she noticed something that could cause her some problems, she noticed that she was covered in blood. She knew that she couldn't just go into town looking like that so she sped northwards into the Everfree Forest to find a place to wash off. Not too far into the forest she found a lake, a lake that she quickly dove into.
The moment she jumped in she began screaming, "Ah, cold, cold, cold!"
One thing Colgate had forgot about is that the lakes were rather cold in February but she ultimately was able to get all the blood stains out. Once she got out, she again began to shiver as the cool air made contact with the cold water that was in her coat. She shook herself and was ultimately able to start heading back into town. It would not be long until she began to notice that things seemed different.
The first thing she noticed was that when she passed Twilight's castle was that she and her friends were out having one of their pony/pet play dates. They were at home rather than having gone to the Crystal Empire. This brought out a smile on her face as it was one sign that things had changed. She began to wonder if maybe the eradication of the holiday may have prevented Cadence from ever being born. While she wasn't the closest to Twilight, she figured she would at least go over and say hi to her old friend.
She approached the castle and yelled, "Hi Twilight, nice day isn't it!"
Twilight gave her a smile, "It is. The temperature is just right for a pony/pet playdate."
Colgate replied, "Yeah, it looks like you guys are having a lot of fun." She then decided to see if one of her suspicions were correct as she continued, "You know Twilight, I thought you'd be up in the Crystal Empire visiting Cadence with it being Hearts and Hooves Day."
Twilight looked at her like she was nuts. She asked, "Who is Cadence and what the hay is Hearts and Hooves Day?"
Inside Colgate was giddy as she knew she had did it, she had wiped out the one holiday she hated but couldn't show it. She lied, "Oh sorry Twilight, I had some rather intense dreams last night and they seemed so real." She noticed that Twilight's pet owl was looking over their way and added, "Well I'll let you get back to your event, I think your owl is getting impatient."
Twilight gave her a smile, "Alright but it was good seeing you Colgate!"
Colgate replied, "It was good seeing you too Twilight!"
Colgate then began to bounce into town much the same way Pinkie Pie would and her happiness would only grow as she noticed that things were different in town. There was not a single Hearts and Hooves Day decoration in town nor were there any couples out engaging in any disgusting activities. Her smile grew as she said, "I did it, I'm sure I did it!"
She then headed to her house and before she could get in, she heard music blaring from inside. She thought to herself, "There is no way! There is no way Lyra is in there blaring Iron Mareden because she hates my kind of music."
Once she got inside she would be shocked in a way. She found Lyra in at the kitchen table with all her comic books out reading them one by one in chronological order but what did surprise her though was that she was indeed blaring heavy metal. She knew she was going to have to yell, "Another marathon reading session I take it?"
Lyra quickly shot up and said, "I'm sorry sis, I know you get upset when I do this!"
Colgate gave her a smile, "Oh it is no big deal, I know you like them. I am surprised though that you're blaring Iron Mareden. I thought you didn't like it."
Lyra looked at her in a look of shock. She asked, "Why don't you think I like it? We blare this every single morning and you know we both like the same kind of music!"
Colgate again had to come up with some sort of lie, "Oh I'm sorry Lyra. I just had some rather intense dreams last night and they seemed so real. I had this dream that you hated heavy metal and that you were in a relationship with Bon Bon."
Lyra gagged, "Ugh, that would be a nightmare to me! There is no way I'd ever even want to hang out with that fucking bitch much less be in a relationship with her!" She then began to laugh, "Shit, I'd rather babysit Fluttershy's asshole rabbit than have to put up with her!"
Colgate laughed, "It was a really bad dream, especially given that we didn't get along."
Lyra then grabbed the buckball tickets that Colgate had bought for them earlier and asked, "So sis, when do you want to head over to the buckball field to watch the game against Appaloosa?"
Colgate asked, "The buckball game?"
Lyra replied, "Yeah, the buckball game. You bought these tickets for us three months ago! I can't believe you forgot about it!"
Colgate sighed, "Again I'm sorry Lyra, I think those dreams did a bigger number on me than I thought." She then got a smile on her face and suggested, "What do you say we go out to the café before going over to the buckball field, it will be on me."
Lyra jumped up, hugged her sister and exclaimed, "Oh I'd love that sis, I love it when we have our weekly big sister/little sister trips to the café!"
Colgate then realized that her wiping out the very existence of Hearts and Hooves Day had done a whole lot more than simply wipe out a holiday that she hated and prevent her younger sister from hooking up with a pony she despised. She realized that it changed the very dynamic between her and her sister. It seemed as though they were much closer than they were before, that they were closer in a way that sisters are supposed to be.
As they were getting ready to leave Colgate suggested, "I'm thinking before he head out we probably better turn the music off. Ponies around here bitch enough when we blare it but if we blare it when we're not here, they'd probably issue a noise citation against us."
Lyra turned off the music and replied, "Yeah they probably would."
After Lyra turned the music off Colgate headed towards the door and said, "Well let's get to the café, I want us to beat the lunch rush."
Lyra exclaimed, "Alright, coming sis!"
As the two left their house, Colgate was ecstatic. Things turned out even better than she could have imagined. When she went to wipe out the holiday she never imagined that her sister would not be in a relationship with Bon Bon but the thing that made her truly happy was that she and her sister had a completely different dynamic. She never expected that Lyra and her would not only listen to the same music but would be so much more alike in general.
As they approached the café Colgate whispered to herself, "Mission accomplished Colgate, mission accomplished."
