My Little Pony: Breaking Bad

Ch. 6 Don't Sniff The Cupcakes

Walter and Jesse were cleaning the equipment in the basement. They produced a couple of hundred pounds of product within the couple of days they've been working for Pinkie. It was a hard couple of days, there mental conditions were slowly deteriorating and the atmosphere around them didn't help.

"Jesse. How are you holding up?"

Jesse didn't even look at Walter. Jesse hadn't been himself in the last couple of days, he didn't talk much and when he did it usually had nothing to do with their situation.

"So Mr. White? If you had sex with a crazy murderous bitch, wouldn't that like make you the king of all bitches?"

See what I mean?

Walter looked at Jesse annoyed.

"Aren't you worried about the situation we are in? Pretty soon we ARE going to be killed by a crazy murderous bitch!"

Jesse looked unfazed from Walter's shouting, He continued washing the big tank in the middle of the basement.

"Well, me and Badger used to say if you have sex with a crazy bitch who's been in prison that kind of makes you a badass among bitches right?.. So I was wondering if you had sex with a crazy murderous bitch would that make you the king of all bitches?"

Walter paused and just stared at Jesse with confusion.

"What are you going to do? Have sex with our new boss?"

Jesse suddenly looked at Walter with anger.

"Fuck no!! I'm not a pony fucker!! I was just asking a question to take my mind off the fact that we will never see our families again, and we are going to die in a basement!!"

Jesse then started making insulting, impressions of Walter.

"But Jesse these Ponies might help us find our way home, Hey Jesse lets go to this meeting and maybe this Twilight pony can help us. Fuck you Mr. White, my life has been complete shit ever since you came into it. First, you get us involved with a crazy psychopathic drug dealer, and now you get us involved with another crazy psychopathic drug dealing PONY!! You killed us Walter!!! YOU FUCKING KILLED US!!!"

Jesse grabs a bucket and flings it at a nearby table smashing the glass lab tools on it. He breathes heavily and screams in anger, filling the basement with infuriated echoes. After his anger episode he calms down and looks at the floor with hopelessness. Walter watches it all with his mouth open, unsure what to say and full of guilt for what he put his partner through.

Jesse looks up at Mr. White from the floor.

"You want to know what I think of our situation Mr. White?"

He looks at Walter with an uncaring expression.

"I think we're already dead."

They hear a door opening up from atop of the stairs. Both watched as they saw their pink boss come down to meet with them.

"Hi Walter and Jesse!!" She exclaimed excitedly, her expression looking a distorted kind of happy. "I heard a little commotion down here, what seems to be the problem?"

Jesse just looked down at the floor and muttered to himself "Please just kill us already."

Walter glared at Pinkie and demanded.

"How do you know my name!"

Pinkie giggled. "I know all about you silly, I know that you have your own television show, and that you get into all sorts of sticky situations. I know that you work for Taco, oh whoops *giggle* I mean Tuco, and I know that you Mr. White-"

She quickly snorted a meth crystal into her nose, her hair poofed up a little more and she continued her conversation.

"MAKE THE BEST METH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! *hee hee ha ha ha*"

Walter looked horrifically at Pinkie, surprised at how much she knew about him. But what was that part about them having their own television show?

"What do you mean our own television show?" Jesse asked voicing Walter's thoughts.

Pinkie bursted with laughter.

"You always thought you were real people? Who gets into situations like that in real life and makes them out alive? Are you crazy? I'm about as real as you are Jesse."

Walter and Jesse both looked at her shocked by the revelation.

Jesse started saying in a little voice. "No.. That can't be true."

Walter looked down at the basement floor. He thought about his family and friends, how he was able to dodge law enforcement and get so far as a meth cook. He even began wondering how he was able to make the best meth in the world and why nobody else had tried his method before. Then, he realized she was right.

Walter slumped down to the floor and Jesse saw the look on his face, it was a look of defeat.

"Aww, Don't look so down you two. We made alot of money with all of our shipments. Well, I mean I made alot of money."

They both glared at her.

"Oh yeah! I wanted to mention that you've been working for about 3 days in here and ponies are starting to wonder where you went off to! So I made up a story that you two wanted to help me with my new cupcake recipe and you were so excited about it that you wanted to work until it was completed!!!"

Walter arched an eyebrow at her.

"Sounds really, really hard to believe."

"Yeah well, Rarity helped me out with the story by standing by it and saying she was helping too! Isn't this great! Because of you we can share your creation with all of Equestria!!!"

Walter noticed her voice was distorted when she said this. Jesse still looked uncaring at the floor not noticing anything.

"So I will let you go for now until tomorrow, I suggest you get nice and comfortable here in Ponyville, because if you run out of town I'll know about it!"

She said the last part of her sentence in a menacing, childish tone.

Walter and Jesse headed up the stairs. They heard a voice calling up the stairs from behind them.

"And remember.. No tattling." They also heard the snapping noise of her butterfly knife.

They both walked out of the basement and into the interior of the shop. Inside the shop was a line of ponies, all of them looking crazed and a little excited. They rushed Walter and Jesse and started asking questions. "Is the new batch done? Can I have seconds?"

Jesse was about to shout at them, but suddenly lost the energy and just walked past them with Walter. They ignored everyponies questions about the cupcakes and made it outside of the store.

They saw that the line extended for quite a ways in fact, So far that that it went into the distance and into the horizon. Literally, ponies as far as the eye could see.

They looked back towards the shop and saw what appeared to be their RV next to the shop. It was painted pink and was redecorated to look like a station wagon. Written on it was "Pinkie's Brand New Sniffing Cupcakes."

Jesse turned to Walter.

"What are we going to do about this Mr. White?"

Walter shook his head. "I have no idea Jesse."

Jesse gave a pleading look to Walter. "Mr. White you always have an idea. We can't let this go on, this is beyond messed up man. It isn't human."

Walter looked at Jesse with sadness. "We never were human Jesse. We're just characters in a Television show."

Walter started to walk off away from Jesse. "Mr. White! Wait where are you going?"

"I'm sorry Jesse. I really am, I should never have cooked meth with you.. I've always been putting our lives in danger and you don't deserve it. I need to be alone, I'll see you tomorrow at work."

Tears were dripping down his face. The other ponies in line saw this and yelled "Hey have a cupcake it will cheer you up!!" He ignored them and kept walking down the line of ponies, into the distance. Jesse just watched as he left. Jesse suddenly felt all alone, his feeling of being vulnerable completely disappeared. Now, he no longer cared what happened to him and started walking away from Walter. Jesse's words echoed in Walter's mind "YOU FUCKING KILLED US!!!"

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The sun had set and was replaced by Luna's moon, signaling to all of Ponyville that it was night time. Walter was getting tired and was going to need a place to stay. He sadly trotted down the road and spotted Twilight Sparkle's treehouse next to the path. He hoped that Twilight would let him stay and that she wasn't one of the meth crazed ponies in the long line. He knocked on the treehouse door and prayed, he pleaded to himself "Please open up, Please open up, Please open up." To his relief, the door opened to reveal a normal looking Twilight Sparkle. She suddenly looked at him like a long lost puppy returning home.

"Heisencolt where have you been?? Please come in quickly!"

Walter went inside the treehouse and Twilight shouted to Spike.

"Spike we need a table and some chairs, along with tea and daffodil sandwiches!"

A reply was heard back.

"What Why?"

"Because Heisencolt is back that's why!"

Spike immediately ran down the stairs and spotted Walter in the living room.

"Whoa, where have you been Heisencolt? It's been like three days!" He quickly ran up the stairs and grabbed a table and chair and zoomed down at a cartoon like speed. He planted the table and chairs and went into the kitchen and made tea and sandwiches. Twilight pulled up her chair using her magic horn, That's a nifty trick Walter thought looking at his own horn. Spike brought out the already done tea and sandwiches and put them in front of Twilight and Walter.

Twilight motioned for Walter to sit down and Walter complied, he sat in the chair that Spike provided him. Spike pulled up a chair of his own and sat at the table with them.

Twilight and Spike both asked in unison. "Where have you been?!?"

Walter answered. "I was helping Pinkie make her new cupcakes."

"Well we knew that." Twilight replied in an obvious tone. "But you mean to tell us that you were helping her make cupcakes in the basement for three days?"

Walter wanted badly to tell them the truth but he knew that he put Jesse in enough danger and he just wanted to give up. To him nothing mattered anymore.

"Yes I was very enthusiastic about helping Pinkie. With our help she was able to produce the best sniffing cupcakes in the world." He thought what's the point if we don't go home, we're just characters in a TV show. But there is something I've always wanted to do, that I've never been able to do before. Twilight and Spike were pummeling him with all kinds of questions like "Why would you spend three days in a basement?" and "Why wouldn't you come out and tell anybody you were fine?"

Walter interrupted their questions.

"Twilight, I know this is a bit weird to ask but.. I've never known how to use the magic on my horn and I was wondering if you could teach me a spell?"

Twilight looked at Walter with bewilderment. "You don't know ho-"

"It's a long story." Walter interrupted "Please, Twilight it's all I ask."

Twilight looked at him confused but nodded. Her face changed to a smile.

"Well, this is a bit sudden, but the most I can teach you is a basic levitation spell. It's a shame that your just now learning.. If you'd been doing this since you were younger I could've taught you more advanced spells."

Walter smiled at Twilight. "No worries Miss Sparkle, i'd be happy just to be able to lift objects with my magic."

Twilight smiled back and thought for a brief second. "Well, let's have you move that sandwich in front of you." she nodded at the sandwich in Walter's plate. "Just think really hard about the object you want to move. Then, think about moving the object to where you want it to go."

Walter looked at his sandwich. Then, he closed his eyes and started thinking. He heard a pulsing noise coming from his horn and felt energy building up in it. He heard Spike say "Whoa" then Twilight saying "What? You've seen me do it all the time." "I know.. But it's still pretty cool when somepony who's never done it before pulls it off."

Walter slowly opens his eyes and sees the sandwich floating in mid-air in front of him. He suddenly is filled with excitement at his accomplishment and thinks to himself I can do magic, I can actually do magic!

As he was thinking this, the pulse started growing weaker and the magic around his sandwich was starting fade. Twilight quickly said "Heisencolt!" Then he immediately went back to thinking about lifting the sandwich, replenishing the magical aura around it and regaining his control of the sandwich. He thought about it coming closer to his mouth. It followed his will, he took a bite out of it and sat it back down on the plate.

Spike clapped his hands saying "Bravo, Bravo!" and Twilight smiled at Heisencolt.

"Congratulations Heisencolt, it looks like you've mastered the levitation spell."

Heisencolt smiled back at them and did a little bow.

Twilight announced. "This is a cause for celebration! Spike can you get the cupcakes Pinkie made for us?"

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Jesse trotted along the path until he came to a field. He planted himself on a hill overlooking the field and fell onto the grass looking up at the stars. He was filled with hopelessness and had no desire to live.

Suddenly, a blue face with a rainbow-mane came into his view. "Jesse! Where have you been!?!"

Startled by Rainbow Dash, Jesse quickly got up into a standing position. He gently said "Be careful about sneaking up on me, you scared me a little bit."

Rainbow Dash noticed Jesse's change of attitude and gave him a worried look. "You don't look so good, you should come to my house for the night. It's that cloud right over there." She pointed to a cloud house in the distance. Jesse just shrugged his shoulders and said "Sure, I don't have anywhere else to go and a bed beats a hill any day. Thanks Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow Dash blushed at his comment and Jesse followed her into the sky.

They landed on the cloud and Rainbow Dash opened the door to her house to Jesse.

"Welcome to Rainbow Dash's Super, Awesome, Amazing, Home with amenities included."

Jesse chuckled a little bit and entered the house.

"Hang on, let me get a table and some chairs. We can have lunch and you can tell me where you've been for the last 3 days!"

Rainbow Dash took off into the house at lightning speed and brought the furniture back just as fast. That's a pretty badass trick Jesse thought to himself.

While Rainbow Dash was placing the furniture, Jesse heard her say to herself. "Rainbow Dash you are such a genius. There's no way he doesn't like you now." She then, rushed into the kitchen and brought back some zap apple toast with rainbow juice.

They both sat down and Jesse started eating the toast. Jesse really liked the taste, even if it was rainbow-colored and the juice wasn't half-bad either.

Rainbow Dash asked. "Why were you working in Pinkie's basement? Why were you gone for so long?"

Jesse answered. "We were working for Pinkie because she is insane and was threatening to kill us if we didn't make her special cupcakes for her."

Rainbow Dash's eyes widened. "Naw, I'm just kidding." Jesse laughed. It wasn't a laugh of joy, more like hopelessness. Rainbow Dash breathed a sigh of relief and laughed a little with him.

She started asking more questions like: "Well, why were you working for her for so long?" And "Why didn't you tell anybody?"

Jesse interrupted her and asked her his own question.

"Rainbow Dash.. Can you teach me how to fly fast like you?"

Rainbow Dash immediately got excited. "But of course I can! I'm THE Rainbow Dash after all! But.." She looked at him confused. "I've noticed that you fly slow... Like, really slow for a pony your age. Is there something wrong with your win-?"

"It's a long story." Jesse interrupted. "Please teach me how to fly fast like you though. Please?"

Rainbow Dash's face turned red and she smiled. "Alright well, I don't have enough time to teach you how to go extremely fast like me. But I can teach you how to go faster than you do now." She motioned Jesse to follow her outside and started stretching her wings. They went out onto the cloud.

"Now you have to remember that before you take off. You need to spread your wings as far as they can go." She did the motion.

"Next, you have to flap them every second. Not flapping them like crazy, but every second to maintain your speed, and also put your front hooves in front of you and your back hooves straight back like this."

She suddenly took off and Jesse watched as she shot up into the sky and hovered way above him. "Now you give it a shot!" She yelled down to him.

Jesse folded his wings as far as they could go. He arched his back, started leaning back, and aimed his head towards the sky where Rainbow Dash was hovering. He then leaped up and flew fast into the sky, he reached Rainbow Dash in 3 seconds and hovered next to her.

He smiled at her "That was badass, thanks Rainbow Dash."

She smiled back and blushed a little bit.

"Oh it was nothing. C'mon we have to celebrate, I'll make us some desert."

They flew into the house, Jesse took his seat at the table and Rainbow Dash came out of the kitchen carrying two cupcakes in her hooves.

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What's the point Jesse and Walter thought as they were both given their cupcakes. Twilight arched her eyebrow at the cupcakes and said "Well, according to Pinkie we're supposed to sniff the crystals on the cupcakes and let them settle deep in our noses for an even tastier experience. She always was a weird one" Rainbow Dash finished this sentence holding the cupcake closer to her face. In the end we're just television characters, we don't have any real lives, everything we know about our world is just fake. But still, Walter looked at his horn and Jesse looked at his wings. Being able to do magic/fly is pretty cool/fucking awesome. So what if I'm not real? In the real world you could only dream of doing this stuff. Maybe being real isn't all it's cracked up to be, but one thing is for sure. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Spike all held the cupcakes closer to their snouts ready to inhale the crystals on the cupcakes. Real or not, I can't let this world get corrupted because of my mistakes/my dumbass!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Jesse and Walter yelled in unison.

Walter used his magic to fling the cupcakes out of Twilight and Spike's grasps, throwing them hard on the floor.

Jesse shot at Rainbow Dash, grabbed the cupcake out of her hoof and smashed into the ground.

"DON'T SNIFF THE CUPCAKES!!!!"

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Tuco finally found out Walter's identity. For a cop, it would take them months to find a missing person. They would have to bring in suspects for questioning, have to look hard for evidence. But Tuco had a luxury they didn't have, connections.
They recently got a tip that an RV drove off into the desert and hasn't returned since. What better way to cook meth away from the rest of the world?

Tuco and his bodyguard drove into the desert and saw something that caught their eye, a rainbow? It hadn't been raining recently so why would there be a rainbow in the middle of the desert? They decided to follow the rainbow and at the end they saw something peculiar.

Tuco and his bodyguard got out of the car and saw a glowing object on the side of the road, they went to investigate.
"Hmm, a.. Glowing rainbow car battery?" It didn't make any sense to Tuco. He saw the crank on the side and his curiosity grew. "Hmm.." He started cranking the car battery. He suddenly let go when it started cranking itself. Tuco jumped back startled and stared with his bodyguard as the car battery cranked faster and faster. They heard in oncoming car approach them going extremely fast. But before they could react, an explosion of rainbow shot in all directions and Tuco and his bodyguard disappeared.

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Hank was eating his chicken sandwich in Los Pollos Hermanos. Suddenly, he saw Tuco walk in the restaurant with his bodyguard.

Tuco was well known at the station, everybody knew that Tuco had his hand in the meth racket and Hank decided it was time to see what these guys were up to. He got into his car discreetly and waited for Tuco and his bodyguard to exit the restaurant.

Hank was getting his nerves under control and kept whispering to himself "This is gonna be for you Walter, I'm gonna put down a drug lord for you, wherever you are buddy." Tuco and his bodyguard left the restaurant and got into their car. They pulled out and Hank followed them from a distance.

Hank was following them into the desert. He increased his distance even more to avoid suspicion but still kept his eyes on them, even though there car was barely in his sight.

He saw that there was a rainbow in the sky and this was very unusual considering it hadn't been raining at all. He saw that he was gaining distance to the car, it must have stopped by the road.

"What are these nut jobs doing? Stopping in the middle of the desert.. Must be a drug deal." He quickly pulled out his pistol and with his hand shacking he was barely able to cock it. He started picking up speed going faster, whatever they were doing it was going to end. "Get ready you sons of bitches, Here's Hankie!"

He floored the gas pedal going 90 and rolled down his window ready to shoot, he saw them and was within firing range of Tuco and his bodyguard but before he fired off a round he saw an explosion of rainbow and they disappeared. "What the Fu-"

The rainbow engulfed him and he disappeared too.