*EQUESTRIA’S MOON: LUNAR LIBRARY*

Oh, hi there! You might remember me from “Torah Ponies.” If you don't, that's fine. I am the Jewnicorn, protégé of Princess Luna and the immortal guardian of time. I have been compiling a list of stories for the young fillies and colts of Equestria pertaining to the infinite timelines that exist throughout the omniverse. There are many interesting ones, ranging from the wholesome, to the romantic, to the adventurous. Each and every decision everypony makes leads to a new world coming into existence. It is my job, along with my boss, to record these decisions so we can learn from them. I have a very interesting tale for you today, about a stallion from another world who finds our very own Princess Twilight Sparkle, seemingly reverted to her filly state on another planet. This kind stallion adopts her as his own child, and raises her for seven years, before finally making his way to Equestria, although it is not the Equestria that we know.

Are you ready to hear the story of “A Jew in Equestria?” Well, here we go!

Things began on a planet called “Earth” in the year 2011 CE. The sapient residents of this planet, known as humans, treat our world as one of mere fiction, an invention to entertain their children. A nascent following for our universe develops on online fora, and millions of humans, big and small, learn about the Magic of Friendship in short, thirty minute vignettes. Now, some artistic liberty must have been taken when that universe perceived our reality, but for the most part, the events depicted actually happened.

In the main human continuity, known as Earth/03, this show remains a cult classic at nerd conventions and is popular among young girls at a mainstream level.
In THIS timeline, known as Earth M.M., it is taken up to eleven, where Equestria and Her values are lived in the day to day lives of humans.

“Well, when are we getting to the part about US!?”

I am getting there, boss. One minute please. We can’t jump the shark now, can we?

“Thou art correct, Jewnicorn, proceed.”

Sorry about that, everypony. Princess Luna likes hearing about herself. I don’t blame her, she’s awesome!

The first event depicted in this serialized retelling of our world’s history is the Mare in the Moon incident, which I know everypony learned about in primary school during “Equestrian History” class. The two diarchs of Equestria battled for dominance, resulting in my boss being exiled for 1,000 years thanks to the Elements of Harmony.

“It was rather unpleasant, mind thee!”

Boss, stop interrupting. You know these magical recording things are experimental, right?

1,000 years had passed, and a young unicorn mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle was sent as a royal emissary to prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration in the small municipality of Ponyville.

“WE WOULD RATHER HAVE NIGHTMARE NIGHT, THANK THEE VERY MUCH!”

I told you to stop interrupting, boss!

I apologize on behalf of Princess Luna. She has some personality. It takes some getting used to.

Anyways, where was I? Right! Twilight Sparkle, being the arduous mare that she is, believed the mythos of the Mare in the Moon, and beseeched Princess Celestia to act on this concern. She did, but subliminally, by having her make friends. Over the course of a short period of time, Twilight makes five new friends, and thus they became this generation’s bearers of the Elements of Harmony.

“DOTH WE MUST MENTION OUR LOSS AT THE HANDS OF TWILIGHT?”

Yes, boss. We do. I know I am on Team Nightmare, but I am trying to be impartial. Can you please let me finish?!?

ANYWAYS, My boss was defeated at the hands of Twilight and her friends, and Princess Celestia gave the unicorn a new mandate to report on Friendship in Ponyville. That is the jist of it, but eventually, some interesting things happen.

***

"I'm not going."

…

"I'm. Not. Going."

…

"I'm not!"

"But The Magic of-?"

"I'm tired. I just got off of a physically draining-."

"You know that physically draining work is banned under Loyalty Statute I-E 135, added in 2011, unless-."

"It's covered by Honesty Section 45, Sub-Section H-W, Lines 12-19, I get it."

…

"You know that The Adorable Stare is expressly forbidden unless-."

"You win. How do you always win?! Every time we play 'Elements of Harmony'... Do you have those Scrolls memorized?!'

He shrugs, having listened to his friend complain more than once, who then looks at the time.

'Well, it was fun anyway, 'Dusk Star', but it's almost 8 and I need to get in my Friendship Studies. One more failed test and it’s over."

"Don't worry, 'Shy Tree'. If you want, we could head over to the nearest Golden Oaks and ask for a teacher. Why don't you try another Twilight, this time?"

"Twi-?! He was too much! I would rather deal with a Lunar! I've heard that they might be the best to deal with, even though their language is not the best…"

***

“WHAT FALLACIOUS NONSENSE! WE SPEAK THE ROYAL CANTERLOT TONGUE!! SUCH COLLOQUIALISMS OF TODAY’S YOUTH ARE BENEATH US!”

(The Jewnicorn walks over to Princess Luna and puts a hoof on her muzzle.)

And there you go, just proving their point, boss… Can you be quiet for ONE minute? We aren’t even done with the first chapter!

“VERY WELL, PROCEED.”

***

"Come on, get up, and let's go. We might even stop by a Sugarcube Corner."

"I hope they've stopped trying to sneak in their previous STARBUCKS protocol. Ick!"

"That was one time! Mom, I'm going to a Mane Study Session for a bit, then I'll come back and walk the dog!"

"Alrighty, Michael! See you tomorrow, Thomas!"

As the two young adults leave, they make their way to the downtown Golden Oaks Library.

Stopping to salute the US flag and recite the Equestrian oath to the flag with the Sisters on it and Alicorn Twilight between them, they step into the library and go to a Mane Study Session desk a little further in, requesting a Lunar teacher.

Stepping into a room with a table and chairs that recreated the Friendship Map Table, Michael sat in the chair corresponding to Twilight's Cutie Mark, or Cutark, for short.

Michael's Cutark was a strange one. It was a question mark on top of Twilight's Cutie Mark, surrounded by the Star of David with the Shema in Hebrew encircling it.
However, as Cutie Mark's go, his was not on the top 500 of Indiana, nor anywhere near the top of the nation.

They didn't have to wait long for him, the Lunar teacher coming in like a Prince.

“Welcome, beloved students. Prithee tell what thou art interested in reviewing?”

“Well, I need to go over some stuff for the friendship exam in a few days, and my friend over here told me that you would be of some help.”

“Excellent. We shall begin reviewing at once!', quickly running over to the textbook section of the library and grabbing the AP Friendship exam review guide.

'Now, let us begin the review for the examination in AP Friendship.”, opening his copy of the AP Friendship review guide.

“Question 1: In the event that someone is in need of a helping hand, what virtue is ideal for this situation? a) Loyalty b) Kindness c) Generosity d) none of the above.

Question 2: Someone tells you a trusted secret that is not harmful, but you know should be told to their parent(s) or guardian(s)? What should you do? Please detail your response in 1000 words.

Question 3: Someone walks up to a disabled individual and begins physically bullying them. They do not have the means to defend themselves. Is using violence okay in this situation? If yes, explain why. If not, explain why.

Question 4: True or False: One can successfully break a Pinkie Promise.

Question 5: Write a 2000 word essay on what Element of Harmony you embody the most. "

Time passed quickly, with free packaged snacks from Sugarcube Corner for students being passed out by a Pinkie Pie during a break.

After checking out Season 45 of MLP: FiM (which, if you asked anypony, was the next best after Season 32, but still couldn't hold a candle to Season 3 or 4 (or even 5 or 9, but no one talks to those Doubting Thomas'), while there was still high hopes for upcoming Seasons 46 and 47), they grabbed the free umbrellas the Library offered and walked into the pouring rain.

"So, do you feel lucky, punk?"

"A bit… But what if I freeze? What if I misremember a-?"

He gasped at the cold rain that abruptly soaked him, quickly readjusting the umbrella with a glare at 'Dusk Star', who cut it off with a Serious Stare.

"Thomas, stop doubting yourself. Your Pony Name may have been chosen by Bloomington's The Celestial Council when you were 13, but it doesn't mean that you have to live by it. Calm down, relax, and trust in G-d."

Walking the rest of the way in silence, Thomas turns to Michael when they were at his front door giving him a big hug.

"Thanks, Prince of Friendship. You may not have ever thought of applying for it, but just know that you will always be one in my eyes. Also, thanks for never, you know, getting preachy."

Hugging him back, he then gently pushes him away.

"Come on, man. I may like this stuff, but there's a time where it's too much. G'Night, buddy, see you tomorrow."

Dropping off his things at home, Michael clipped a leash and raincoat on a mini schnauzer named Spike, deciding to take the shortest route for his walk.

Steeling himself, he made sure to keep up a brisk pace and keep his headlamp on, since there weren't many lights on that section of the block.

Friendship was Magic, and the first thing that everyone was taught was: it can be used for you, and used against you.

He was going to personally discover both, when Mike saw the strangest thing in a bus shelter.

It was a pony, Twilight Sparkle no less, but she was somehow reverted to a filly state, freezing in the rain!

“Wha-...”

Author's Note

JEWNICORN (AND LUNA)’S APPENDIX:

1) Upon the creation of FiM, Lauren Faust becomes the most famous woman on Earth, ascending to near Christ-like status in popularity and devotion. Her “Friendship is Magic” party, an independent ticket in the 2012 elections, won all 538 seats in the Electoral College, making her the first woman president, as well as the first president in US history to have unanimous control of both chambers of Congress.

2) Several constitutional amendments were added, mandating the viewing of FiM in every American home, fostering friendship and kindness at the federal level, and research into other universes to potentially harness actual Friendship magic.

3) October 11th becomes a federal holiday, since that is when FiM debuted.

4) As the canon of the show progressed, so, too did the laws of the United States. When Twilight became an alicorn, the Capitol rotunda was decorated in her likeness.

5) Other countries, too, became infatuated with the Magic of Friendship and it’s religious appeal. Sworn enemies like the US and China quickly came to a rapid understanding of differences, even the Israeli-Palestinian conflict became a topic of a byone era, thanks to both Israelis and Palestinians being HUGE fans of Fluttershy and her values of kindness and peace.

6) The US military industrial complex still exists, spreading “freedom 20% cooler at a time” to those in need, often with carpet bombing. Friendship is up to interpretation, after all.

7) Daniel Ingram, the famed composer of the music in FiM, became the highest ranking musician in the world.

8) By 2026, quantum tunneling and CRISPR technology allowed for three distinct tribes of humans to develop. Earth humans, pegasi-humans, and unicorn-humans. No alicorn humans have yet been created (that we know of). Earth humans have super strength, pegasi humans have super speed and agility, and unicorn humans have uncanny intellect. Each tribe has exactly 33.3% of the population to ensure parity. The tribes were allowed to mingle with each other to diversify the gene pool. All three have increased lifespans and robust health.

9) Eventually, each human developed a naturally occurring birthmark on their left forearm around the onset of adolescence corresponding with their innate talents or skills. However, some were late bloomers…

10) The ultimate collective goal of humanity: to achieve the next step of evolution: homo equus. While not becoming actual ponies, further developing the unique genetic traits of the three tribes to actual superhuman, if not magical ability seemed within reach, possibly within a mere century or two. With time, it could be possible....