The Lunar Archives: Earth M.M

Bone Breaker was annoyed.

No, scratch that.

He was enraged beyond any form of understandable communication.

It was now Hearths' Warming Eve at Unicorn University, and everypony was elated to celebrate the holiday for the first time as “fully ponified” huqines.

He had to watch as ‘Mr. Perfect-And-Flawless-Alicorn’ was mobbed by admirers of both sexes, while he was (in some cases, literally) repulsed by nearly everyone but his friends/followers/blackmailed servants.

Before school that day, Twilight wanted to debrief her father on her studies the day after coming back from her ‘Friendship World Tour’.

“DADDY, what if I were to tell you that I solved the unified field theory?”

Wait, did Mike just hear his filly right? The unified field theory? The theory that basically solves almost all of modern science?

“... I would… Pfft. I think I would have to teleport all of us to the moon in order to keep the press, the scientific community, the leaders of every religion and nation on earth, and-.”

“Wait, Twi, are you going to publish this?!” Ms. Magnus pipes in, elated that her grandfilly made such a discovery.

“I ALREADY DID! I HAVE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW!” She says, her eyes growing to comical size, hugging her father.

His eyes shrank to pinpricks.

“... You didn’t.”

***

Alright everypony. I know I am supposed to be like The Watcher from Marvel, and mind my own business with other timelines, but I am seriously wondering if I need to come in and rewind time to save Mike’s flank! Luna, what do you think?

“As thy foster mother and ruling sovereign, we advise thee to remain at our side for company. Thou shalt not interfere with the timeline. Thou art a smart stallion...make thine own decision, but we believe that thee will maketh the correct choice.”

Well, that’s her way of saying no… regardless I am going to keep my eye on him and see what happens.

***

“I did! Dad… W-why aren't you h-happy for me?”

“I am, I am, BELIEVE ME, THAT I AM. It’s just that this theory has been the Holy Grail for practically all of humanity ever since we had a hint of its existence. And if you truly had solved it… My dear Twily, you have… Made me extremely happy. Congratulations, my daughter!”

She pounced on him, giving him the biggest hug.

“Well, even the AI ponies didn’t come close, Twilight. I am quite proud of you.” Celesti-AI says, projecting herself from the kitchen’s smart-speaker.

“Well… thank you, Princess!”

“Well, even if I am not YOUR Celestia, my programming still has a fondness for you. Go enjoy this discovery with your family.” She says with a smile.

“And here’s the best part, Dad! It proves that this reality has a creator!” She says, flying upstairs to grab her notes.

He’s terrified at this point. Completely and utterly, terrified.

Coming down the stairs with a 7” thick binder full of loose-leaf paper, she casts a spell to summarize her findings.

“Well Dad, we don’t know which religion is the correct one, but it seems that an otherworldly being is responsible for the creation of this universe. It's dark matter! My magic detects something of a different energy signature. There was no way a person could have found it! What I did find was this!” Casting a spell, she projects an image from the Hubble Space Telescope showing the Pillars of Creation nebula.

“Look VERY carefully, daddy, and you might see something that you recognize!”

Taking only a glance, he dispels everything and falls to the floor trembling. It was just as Genesis Rabba says: “Black fire on white fire”. The Hebrew Alphabet written in the very cosmos.

“I am calling this the star blueprint. Whoever made the universe must have used this alphabet like source code or DNA. Isn’t this the alphabet Jews use?”

“Yes, yes it-. CANCEL THE INTERVIEW AND DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.”

“But daddy, it’s on the blockchain. It’s impossible to delete!”

“Do you not realize what you’ve done!? YOU’VE JUST HANDED HUMANITY A BLANK CHECK TO WAGE A WAR ON EACH OTHER UNLIKE AT ANY OTHER TIME IN HISTORY!”

“So much for Friendship is Magic, Dad… besides, most humans, if I recall correctly, DO believe in a creator deity. Why would this be such a problem?”

“You said it yourself… It doesn’t prove which religion is right. We have painted cities with blood over which religion is right, and that was just with mere writings!!”

“Well, we have SOME idea, Hebrew is the primary language for the origin of at least THREE major faiths, with billions of adherents. So… the gods in India aren’t real, as with the Amerindian Spirits, etc.”

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE, IF YOU DO NOT WANT THE WORLD TO BE ENGULFED IN THE MOST HORRIFIC WAR EVER SEEN IN ANY DIMENSION, YOU WILL FIND SOME WAY TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DISCOVERED.”

***

Sheesh… do I tell them that the writing is my rough draft for an autobiography? LOL!

“J-corn! We are appalled by thine apathy to this statement. Have thou forgotten thine existential crisis when our original variant met thee?”

It’s been TEN MILLENNIA! I got over it, and I met Eliyahu in my Alicorn Dream sequence, so I am fine.

“Use thine time magic to remedy this calamity!”

“Umm, not the best idea, you two.”

Oh man… Twilight? Am I in trouble?

“Nah. You are doing your job. Keep LARPing “The Watcher” from your Marvel movies. I am going to get meta and speak to my foal self. I got this. It won’t mess with the narrative that much, I think?”

Well you are the boss… do as you wish.

“I will, thank you very much! Luna, thanks for the pancakes by the way! Ahem!”

“Hello? Filly me, are you there?”

***

“Hello? Filly me, are you there?”

“GAH! Who’s that! Who’s there?”

“Well, I’m you! In fact, in my timeline, I become ruler of Equestria after Celestia and Luna retire! I am sure you’ve seen “The Last Problem” by now, right?”

“Hehehe, yeah… By the way, in Season 23, did you and Painted Tray really have to destroy-?”

“Honey…? Who are you talking to?”

“Well, time to use the trick J-corn taught me.” Everything froze in place, except for the two Twilights.

“Time pausing. I can’t do it for long, but enough to talk to you. Look, you really screwed up with this unified field theory thing. I am going to ask a friend to fix a few things so everypony can move on with their lives. Do you care if I do so?”

“N-no. I don’t want my dad to be mad at me… Nor do I want this war that humans seem to be on the verge of all the time… *Sigh* Sometimes I wish I could just take him, his mom, his friend, and his girlfriend back to my Equestria.”

“Well, be patient… Here’s what’s going to happen. I will cast a spell. You will wake up in your bed, memories of the past 3 hours wiped, and Mike will go to class. Nopony will remember this. What I can promise you is you will make it home eventually, with your family, too! Just...not yet.”

“How?! Also, how do you know all this?!”

“It’s a long story, young filly...when you are older, it will make sense. By the way, this spell might tickle. So I’m warning you now!” She chuckles, horn at the ready to cast the spell.

“Nopony will be hurt. I promise. I am just restarting your day.”

***

Well, how’d it go Twily?

“Not bad, she’s adorable, not that I am biased or anything. Also… things are going to get interesting today. I have a feeling about that.

Twi… don’t reveal too much to the audience! You aren’t the time alicorn! All this info will drive you mad!

“Why, because I am a mare?!

“Twilight!!! Our Jewnicorn was raised by a single human mother for sixteen years. He is quite egalitarian! It is because it is not thine innate talent.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Cutie marks and talents. I know the drill. Maybe Starlight was onto something…”

Uh oh!

***

And then, Twilight wakes up in her bed.

“I had a weird dream where I was talking to myself, and she was bigger. Don’t remember what we talked about! Anyways, it’s Hearths' Warming Eve at Daddy’s school today! I need to make him a card!”

Meanwhile, Bone Breaker was planning on how to get revenge on Dusk Star and his new marefriend, Mandarin Orange.

“So, do any of you blank flanks have any idea on how to stop this Alicorn from humiliating the rest of us?”

“Well, I am in the Huquine Biology program. I learned that the pony DNA can be removed under extenuating circumstances, like an autoimmune reaction. We just need to make him a regular human, and then we can kick his ass!” Double Helix suggests.

“Heck, we just need to remove the unicorn and pegasus DNA. He was fine as an Earth human.” Building Block adds. He had some sympathy for Dusk, since the two of them were friendly from the Iron Mare competitions they did back in high school.

“Sure, whatever.” Bone Breaker scoffs.

“I need a few hours to sneak into the lab and make the serum. I can slip it into his coffee, and he won’t know what hit him!” Double Helix says, sure of herself she can do this.

“Take a bucking millenium for all I care. Revenge is best served with proper planning.” Bone Breaker says with a grin. He might be a bonehead, but when it comes to beating somepony up, he is a tactical genius.

***

“So… you and Mandarin have been rather close lately. Coming over for movies, pizza night, even trying to show her some alicorn magic tricks! When are you two going to the chuppah?”

His blush was hot enough for Pinkie P.A.I’s digital marshmallows and stick to burst into flames.

“Whah! No fair!”

“Daddy’s been dating Mandarin for only a few months. From my reading on human interpersonal relationships, getting married takes a lot of chemistry. A few months won’t cut it!”

“We have not been dating! We haven’t even decided if we like each other like that yet!”

“Well, I am more than willing to pay for a Princess C-AI-dence unit to teach you how to be a real stallion with the mares! Not like that, but like dating tips and stuff!”

His blushing increasing, he facepalms.

“Thanks for making the day awkward already, mom. And I haven’t even had my first class of the day… Anyway, before anyone or anypony makes anything more awkward, I’m getting a snack at Sugarcube Corner with-.”

“MANDARIN AND DUSKIE SITTING IN A TREE, K I S S I N G -”

“Actually, I was going to meet up with you, you lovesick weirdo! It’s the last day before you leave for Basic Wonderbolt training, so I wanted to say goodbye!”

“Awww… So you do care for me and not just your MAREFRIEND!”

“Shut up before I teleport you into the Earth’s core. Anyway, Cupids, GOODBYE!”

They disappear with a neon white burst of light.

***

“We advise thee to find a marefriend of thine own, J-corn!”

I want to scream… I am horrible at making friends, and frankly the only reason Twilight gets along with me is because we are colleagues.

“We shall schedule a meeting with our niece after this recording is finished!”

“Ugh… Luna… I love you, but PLEASE let me deal with my own issues on my own?”

“Frankly, your moon mom might be onto something, J-corn.”

Starlight? Why did you come to audit me today? All my recordings have been submitted on time!

“Well, I just wanted to see how it's going, and you need to correct Luster Dawn’s temporal magic exam… you didn’t get to that yet.”

“I was going to say I can’t do everything at once, but I CAN, since I can pause time. I got busy with other things. Sorry. I do know she isn’t that strong with time freezing…”

“No worries, carry on!”

Did… did she just teleport in on us and then leave?

“Yes, she did. Proceed, my little J-corn. We are sure everypony wants to see what happens next!”

What does that marine biologist say? Good grief!

***

It was time for Dusk Star’s favorite class. It is one everypony must take, regardless of degree, and most of his peers hate it with a passion. Pony hermeneutics! Most Jewish students around the world are extremely good at this because of the years of Talmudic study that honed this innate talent. Dusk Star is no exception.

“Welcome back everypony and Happy Hearths' Warming!” Professor Violet Breeze says.

The entire class (with various degrees of enthusiasm) echoed the greeting back.

“Today we shall be analyzing the impact “Winter Wrap Up” had on the cultural zeitgeist of the West during the early run of FiM, when your parents were still fillies and colts! I assume you all remember which episode this is, correct?”

“Season 1, Episode 11.” Mandarin pipes in from the back of the class.

“Correct! Somepony has been reading my lecture notes!”

As Violet Breeze droned on and on about the different lyrics of winter wrap up and their cultural significance, Dusk Star was too interested to notice that somepony poured some powder into his morning coffee using unicorn telekinesis.

“It is odorless and tasteless, he won’t know what hit him!”, Double Helix says to herself, chuckling.

Bone Breaker gave her a thumbs up. Sadly, even Mandarin Orange didn’t notice this act of deception, because she needed to pass this class.

Stirring his coffee with his magic after pouring some hazelnut creamer into it, he began to sip at it, finishing when the class was halfway through.

“Okay. Last lyrical analysis and then class is dismissed. Applejack sings: “No easy task to clear the ground, Plant our tiny seeds, With proper care and sunshine, Everyone it feeds,” What do you think these lyrics mean? Bone Breaker, you haven’t shared anything useful as of late. Please enlighten us!”

“Uhh… something something… something about plants being good for everypony?”

Everypony quietly laughs. He isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Mandarin Orange raises her hand.

“Yes, you may reply in Bone Breaker’s stead.”

“Well, “Seeds” can also refer to offspring. Since the springtime is also mating season for most animals, including ponies, “plant our tiny seeds’ may refer to the renewing cycle of life found in Equestria! This is extremely fitting for springtime!”

Dusk was impressed. Even he didn’t think of that comparison! It’s actually of biblical origin! Even more so he should have connected the dots!

“Not bad, Miss Orange! Not bad… The official FiM guidebook, published in 2024, actually lists this as the canon interpretation for this lyric. Good for you!”

“That damn uber-poni is making everypony around him super smart! I am so happy I gave the son of a mare a quick reality check!” Double Helix thinks to herself, wondering if the powder she made is working yet.

“Alrighty. Class dismissed, and a happy Hearths' Warming to everypony!”

As everypony left the classroom, Mandarin Orange tapped Dusk on the shoulder.

“There’s a Hearths' Warming party at Cheese Sandwich’s Fun Emporium… I think you are nice, and the invite calls for students to come in pairs, so…”

“I would love to go, Miss Orange.”

“This isn’t a date, I just… I just need a stallion to go with. I am sure you understand.”, blushing, with her tangerine colored eyes trying not to look at Dusk. She wants to date him, but her C-AI-Dence AI unit says “slow burn” is better.”

“I’m fully aware of that. Don’t worry, I promise that there will be none of the unusual drama that comes with being an Alicorn.”

“Perfect. I am sure you know the way. Don’t teleport or crash on the way there! See you at 6! Quick warning, at Cheese’s Fun Emporium, cider flows like water, and “Pinkie’s Candy” is available. Don’t mess with that stuff!”

“Remind me, what’s that stuff again?”

“You lucky stallion… your mom must have been very strict. It’s an amphetamine, almost identical to meth, but Pinkie Pie approved for parties! Still illegal under the Controlled Substances Act, though!”

“That’s right. I’ve heard of the stuff, but I’ve never been interested in it.”

“Well… my brother Clementine OD’ed on it a few years ago… so I’ve always been advocating for everypony to avoid it. I need to carry on his memory. He was so kind… but he wanted to fit in. It cost him his life.”

***

Footnote everypony. Don’t do drugs. Even if you are a magical pony or Huqine. They are not good for you, and hurt those you love the most, not to mention are against the law.

***

Mandarin Orange did something stupid, but she needed to do it. She pecked Dusk on the cheek in a rather cute, platonic way.

“See you there!” She said, running off leaving Mike confused. Didn’t she just say she wasn’t interested in this being a “date”?

“I do think that your C-AI-Dence wants things to go slow… But you’re wanting to go a bit faster… Well, I’m not gonna push. Ugh, my head…”

Mike then proceeds to get a text on his phone from Twilight, with a rather cute Hearths' Warming card attached to it. It was a family picture they took a few weeks ago, before Rosh Hashana, and Twilight fell asleep in Dusk’s lap, like a puppy.

“From your little pony, Twilight Sparkle”

His heart melted at the sight as he sighs and continues to his next class.

“I put a spell on him so I see his vitals” Double Helix whispers to Bone Breaker in the hallway.

“His heart rate is nominal, and his magical energy is dropping exponentially. I listened to Building Block and left his Earth Human power intact, but everything else is receding as planned! I did my part of the deal, can I leave now?”

“Yeah, yeah Helix. I have no quarrel with you. In the meantime, we can finally beat him up!” Bone Breaker cracks his knuckles and begins to approach Dusk Star.

“Hey dingus. Heard you and your whore of a girlfriend are going to the Hearths’ Warming party tonight. Too bad she’s bucked every stallion in school before playing the sweet girl. She thinks getting an alicorn laidwill help her forget that I sold her brother that Pinkie’s Candy...”

Ugh… this jerk again...

“I’m not about to deal with you, B.B.”

“Hate to break it to you, Dusk, but Bone Breaker is telling the truth. She gave me a night out for 50 bucks last year. And she has an OnlyMares! How stupid are you!” Building Block says, opening his phone and showing Dusk what Bone Breaker said to be the truth.

Leaning in and looking at the pictures, he smirked while glancing at the assembled group.

“Even if that’s true, her behavior shows that she truly regrets what she did. At least I’ll be the last stallion for her.”

“Well don’t come crying to me when you get a whole assortment of illnesses from her. Heard somepony got AIDS from her. Such a slut!”

Not wanting to hear any more about this smear campaign against Mandarin, he walks away.

“I’m not a garbage can, so throw your trash elsewhere. Also, I don’t think Mandarin is really the picture-taking harlot you think she is. You, guilting her into feeling responsible for her brother’s death? How sick are you!?”

Bone Breaker tears a piece of concrete out of the wall using his Earth human strength and throws it at Dusk Star.

“Eat this, Jew Boy!”

Now Bone Breaker hit a new low… even with Friendship at an all time high, antisemitism is still a problem in Huquine society. Even his bully friends think this was too far!

Inexplicably, he dodged the unexpected attack, and when he tried to raise a shield…

“This isn’t good!”

“Looks like somepony lost his MOJO… you are just like all of us now. How does it feel?”

“L-l-like somepony else is a jealous jerk.”

And using his still higher-than-normal Earth human attributes, he was able to make a quick escape.

“... Later. Can’t do anything with the rest of his goons around… Got to get back home!”

“Yeah, run like the pussy you are! Just wait until I find your filly and kill her!” Bone Breaker says, with full intention of actually killing the poor pony.
Since the North Korea incident, Twilight became a celebrity in Bloomington. Even the bully group doesn’t think she is a problem.

Interested to see how far her concoction limits Dusk’s power. Double Helix searches for his energy, strangles him in a telepathic hold and brings him back to Bone Breaker.

“You might have doomed us all, BB.” Double Helix says, noticing Dusk’s eyes having become more animalistic. Nopony gets away with threatening his daughter and lives to tell the tale in one piece!

“Who’s the powerhouse now, Dusk?!” Bone Breaker says as he begins pummeling Dusk into the ground, as he just floats there helplessly.

Feeling multiple bones break and shatter, he attempts to break out, but still finds his movements being restrained.

“Tw… Twi… Da- Oof! ughter I- UGH! I love y… you… She… ma… ”

Unbeknownst to either Mike or his filly. Their bond exists beyond a mere father/child connection. Apparently, Twilight is able to sense if somepony she loves is in jeopardy!

“Grandma Magnus!” Twilight says urgently to Mike’s mother over the Uni-phone.

“Hi sweetie, what’s wrong?”

“Somepony is beating Daddy to a pulp, and took away his alicorn magic! I don’t know how, but he’s in danger. Am I allowed to intervene?”

Ms. Magnus begins to panic over the phone and promptly teleports to the house.

“By all means, as long as you don’t kill anypony.”

“That’s all the approval I need!” She hugs her grandmother and bolts out the window, flying faster than ever before.

His vision growing darker and darker as mocking laughter echoes in his ears, he nevertheless continues his weakened attempts in escaping while reciting the Shema.

“Where’s your false god? Where’s your power? Both are fake, and your god is ME now, ya hear? You… are… my… PUPPET!” Bone Breaker taunts, adding some kicks into the attacks.

“Don’t know about any gods, but he has a daughter, and she is pissed!” Somepony says, breaking the window of the university, purple magic enveloping her completely.

Everypony except Bone Breaker runs away. They only helped him because of blackmail. He had damning secrets on almost everypony in school and threatened to release them if they didn’t do his bidding. For example, Double Helix is usually a good student, but she cheated on one Pony Hermeneutics test and Bone Breaker found out, along with… Other things.

“Ah… if it isn’t the princess of friendship herself. You are next! Fluttershy taught me to be kind, so I will permit you to say goodbye to your daddy before I end him.”

“I don’t think my Daddy is going to die today! Double Helix! Get your butt over here!” Twilight says in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

“C… COMING!” She cries, scared out of her wits.

“You seem like a smart mare, so I assume you did some sort of DNA altercation on my daddy. You made a mistake, and that mistake is going to save him.”

“Go… go on?”

“Due to a variety of factors, including my daddy’s Jewish origins, he is not 100% Earth human. He has less than 1% unicorn variance. If you had known that, his powers would be totally gone. BUT, you screwed up, which means that in… hold on… thirty seconds he will be good as new! Bone Breaker, if I was you, I would call Lord Tirek and ask for your money back!”

“Really? You are the brainy one, then! Go on!” Double Helix says, taking out her notebook and begins to write down everything Twilight will say.

“In fact… this variance will actually augment his power in some 20 seconds or so to levels never before seen. If you think Alicorn Daddy is a problem, just wait until you get SUPER Alicorn Daddy! Celestia herself would quake under her hooves with this kind of power!”

Fifteen seconds.

Bone Breaker doesn't care about any of this and continues to beat the living daylight out of Mike.

“Even if this horse is telling the truth, you’ll be dead before that happens!”, taking another piece of concrete and aiming for Mike’s jugular vein.

Ten seconds.

“Any last words, Dusk Star the Broken? I promise to piss on your grave when this is all over. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

Five seconds.

“Get everypony away from him ASAP. I do believe he's about to go nuclear!”

Four Seconds…

Three Seconds…

Two Seconds…

One second…

Just as Bone Breaker was centimetres away from Mike’s Jugular vein…

ZERO.

***

Aw yeah, this is gonna be good. Ma, want any popcorn?

“Well of course, J-corn. One moment and we shall procure some for the two of us!”

“Make that three ponies! I love good action scenes. It’ll make this story 20% cooler!”

Please knock next time, Rainbow Dash. Didn’t Rarity give you etiquette lessons?

“Yeah, but why pay attention to those? Everypony in the Wonderbolts acts cool. I like Rarity as a friend, but she’s a bit too posh sometimes.”

You’re telling me...

“Popcorn time! Let us watch the battle unfold. Huzzah!”

***

With his veins glowing from his magic, the second the concrete contacted his skin it spread through it and blasted it into pieces while blasting Bones through the wall, and several others behind it as well, right out of the School of The Studies of Friendship.

Floating up with everything perfectly healed, he opened his eyes, now completely neon white.

“NOW WILL YOU STOP BOTHERING US, BONE-HEAD!?”

“NOT A CHANCE IN TARTARUS!”

Using his momentum, he used a tree to slingshot him back, destroying the tree and blocking the street in the process.

Whatever else he was going to do or say was halted with a feathery slap that wrapped around his head and slammed him into the floor.

Intansantously, he leaped up and delivered a blow straight into Michael’s jaw, propelling him a mile or so into the atmosphere.

“Ouch… This guy actually hurts! Then again, I don’t want to end up destroying the whole school. Better move this fight somewhere else.”

He then noticed B.B flying through the air towards him.

“Although that works, as well. Never realized he was this strong though...”

He halted his thoughts long enough to charge up his obsidian-black horn and deliver a punishing blast of scalding magic, enough to hurt but not permanently harm.

Wrapping an arm around his neck, he flys them downwards faster and faster till everything around them were blurs.

“Surrender!”

“NEVER!”

“THAT WASN’T AN OPTION!”

Setting up a cylindrical shield that went into the earth at the bottom, Dusk spins around until they were blurs themselves, then flings a screaming B.B straight down, causing him to dig deeply into the crust without causing further destruction on the surface.

Landing beside his daughter, he wrapped his arms and wings around her.

“I’m safe now, daughter. I’m alright.”

"The hell you are!!"

Bursting through the floor, Bone Breaker delivered a series of haymakers onto an… amused and grinning Michael.

"Had enough? Don't answer that."

Reaching out, Dusk Star gripped his throat and choked him into unconsciousness.

***

...

"WHAT?! THAT'S IT!?"

Yeah, Dusk wants to keep things safe, and nopony should be seriously hurt, even if Bone Breaker is a jerk.

“LAME. What is that “anime” thou keepeth referencing? Jay-Jay’s Bizarre something?”

JOJO’S BIZARRE ADVENTURE, ma, and no, this wasn’t a [STAND BATTLE], this was more like something out of a different anime called “Dragon Ball Z”. I still have a few Earth references to go over with you, but nopony in Equestria will get them, so let’s just keep going.

“Not a bad idea, that fight scene was 20% lamer than I would have thought. C’mon timeline, show Dashie some cool stuff!”

Ya want cool, Rainbow Dash? How’s an attack that can wipe an entire continent off the planet? Saddle up, you two, things are going to get really good right now!

***

"DUSK STAR TIME!! DUSK STAR TIME!! DUSK STAR TIME!! DUSK STAR TIME!!"

"Wha- Guys, guys! Please! I'm telling you that-!"

"Horseapples! You put Bone Breaker in his place and freed his lackeys from his influence! Tell us how!!"

"You guys are all horrible people, you know that?!"

Stepping off of the stage at Cheese Sandwich's Fun Emporium to playful boos, heckling, and sincere encouragement, he made his way to the Watering Hole, where Mandarin Orange was waiting with their drinks.

“Orange juice with a hint of vodka. My personal recipe. I mean, I got my cutark from citrus gene splicing, so… consider this a taste of the Orange family! Hope you like it!”

“Thanks!”

Mandarin takes a minute to puzzle out Dusk Star’s Cutark on his left hand.

“Speaking of Cutarks… While my family is Jewish, we don’t practice and I don’t know that much. My grandparents fled from the Soviet Union in the 1980s, so they were really assimilated. I’ve always wanted to know more. What is your Cutark?”

“Well, I’ve always wondered about that myself. The best I’ve been able to figure out is that the question mark, combined with Twilight’s cutark and the Star of David, means that I’m really good at finding the Magic of Friendship in Torah and vice versa? The Shema, on the other hand… I know there’s no wasted symbols in anypony’s cutark, but I’m truly at a loss regarding it’s meaning in relation to the other ones.”

“Well, that answer is more than I ever learned, so thank you, Dusk Star. Always love learning something new. By the way, the last time I came over, your filly gave me a hug while you were out buying groceries! She is so sweet! Much sweeter than the Twilight in the show, mind you! Is it because she’s younger?”

He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“Heh, thanks. As for the question, I have no idea. I think it’s because she has had a wonderful group of good influencers in her life. Shy Tree, me, my mom, you…”

“Between you and me, Dusk, it would be pretty cool if Twi grew a bit bigger. I have always wanted to fly… And well… humans are bad at upper body strength, alicorn or no alicorn… so I am not gonna bug you.”

He raises an eyebrow at her.

“Why would you need upper body strength when you have magic? Just say the word and I’ll effortlessly levitate you anywhere you want!”

“Because Twilight told me your magic is finite! If you use too much you get tired. Even SHE gets tired from using magic too much!”

“She did and does? I wonder why she never told me either of those two tidbits…?”

“Well, I did the math. I am 69 kg, so you only need to use that much force to levitate me… if you want, that is? Besides, you are a bit drunk now, I’d recommend doing this stunt another time. Hehehehe!”

Grinning, he then pretends to be outrageously and embarrassingly drunk, snapping to attention when the bartender lightly tapped the counter with a finger.

“Alright you two, get a room. There’s one or two free upstairs. Otherwise, keep it safe for everypony else.”

“Wait a sec… if you can use magic… Can you magically sober yourself?”

He shrugs as he takes another large sip while munching on a candy glass bottle.

“Don’t know, but I don’t think I would want to find out… Hmm… I wonder how drinks would taste in Equestria…?”

“Well, one thing’s for sure. Applejack will HATE my guts because I am an Orange. Frankly her family’s truce with the Pear clan in “A Perfect Pear” is sweet, but doesn’t extend to Oranges… oh well!”

“That would suck because you’re a person worth meeting and becoming friends with!”

“Are you TRYING to make me kiss you on our first da-?!”

Wait, she spoke too much too quickly.

‘Sorry, I am not following C-AI-dence’s instructions. Slow Burn Mandarin… Slow Burn…’

***

“Slow Burn. Prithee tell what this fascinating term is?”

You think I know Luna?!? I am a single time alicorn stallion who’s never been on a date in his life!

“We shall investigate this nomenclature at a later point in time. Madam Rainbow Dash, doth thou knoweth the meaning of “Slow Burn”?”

“Uhh. I read Daring Do for fun, not much fire burning slowly in that. MAYBE it’s something love related? I mean, I date Soarin but he’s not really a romantic, so… I don’t really know a lot about this.”

Well everypony, I guess Jewnicorn is stumped today.

“Slow burn is when characters fall in love naturally and it doesn’t seem forced.”

“Well hello egghead, fancy seeing you invade J-corn’s AWESOME library.”

“Dashie, behave! I get a signal whenever somepony has a question, especially if it is one of the Mane Six! I came as fast as I could. Continue your story, J-corn!”

Well, you heard Twilight…

***

While Mandarin was having her internal dialogue, Michael was sipping his drink and watching the television.

‘Hm… Threats against Synagogues, Equestrian Experience Centers, and The Dark Side of Equestria… Shame. Too bad nopony can truly get along… We are getting there… But, just like with me and M.O, it’s a slow burn getting there…’

Looking out of the corner of his eye, he notices Mandarin refocusing on her surroundings.

‘It’s now or never. Come on, Michael ‘Dusk Star’ Magnus!’

He slid a bit closer to her, not wanting to drive her away.

She backs away a bit.

“But-.”

“What do you want? Not your parents, not C-AI-dence, you.”

“Well… ever since my brother Tangerine died from that Pinkie’s Candy overdose… I’ve been really lonely. Bone Breaker wasn’t lying when he said I slept with every stallion in school. I never made an OnlyMares, though. I did it to forget the pain, and maybe make some loser happy for five minutes. With you… I feel different, I feel like a mare again, not a workpony or a slave! I just don’t want to be alo-.”

He passionately kissed her straight on her mouth.

“Please shut up, Orange. I don’t care about your past actions, I only care about what you’ve been doing to better yourself since then.”

“AWWWWWWW!!”

The crowd around them actually shook the building slightly.

“Yes, yes, yes, all of you, we gave you a cute show. Now please…”

He makes a ‘turn around’ motion, which they politely did.

“I don’t know if it’s the alicorn in you or the person in you, but you are something else. Try figuring out that sobering spell. I don’t want anypony walking or flying home drunk. Besides, using magic to let me fly home would be cool!”

“Don’t worry! Believe it or not, I’ve actually gotten close to being drunk, and my mom honestly can’t tell the difference between drunk me and normal me. Of course, that was only because we were at a friend’s house… So, Equestria. What would you do there?”

“Well. Start an actual orange grove, DUH! I just work with seeds and germination because Indiana is too cold. My parents have a greenhouse with young plants, but nothing that can bear fruit. I even made my own hybrid orange when I was 10! I called it the Spur’s Mandarin!”

“Cool. The only thing I was doing at that age was trying to replicate Painted Tray’s father in growing a whole grove of different species of trees all at once using serums, DNA splicing, literal smoke and mirrors, and other stuff… Ended up creating a super-massive tree that the local C.M.C is still using as their headquarters… Even named the stupid thing after me…”

“Wait… this gave me an idea. If you are a superhuman alicorn, what are the odds you can actually cross universes? I mean… Twilight lives in your house, so it’s definitely possible! Imagine both of us as real ponies!”