The Lunar Archives: Earth M.M

***

“WOAH, Jewnicorn, that was awesome!”

Yeah, I know, boss. Blowing things up is super cool. I did it a few times, and I could have developed an addiction to explosives.

Anyways, let’s check in on Mike and Twilight, now that everypony on Earth knows who she is!

***

Quickly getting back to Bloomington under the cover of night, ‘Dusk Star’ lighted at his home, his daughter firmly in his arms and his horn projecting an invisibility bubble that matched their forms. Sneaking into his home through the back door, they stumbled into the kitchen, raided the fridge and pantry, and collapsed into the couch, unaware of, and thus completely ignoring, the surprise party that was just sprung on them.

“Wha-? Oh, hello, everypony. I don’t know what day is it, nor what it is we’re celebrating, so if all of you could politely flutter off so that I and my daughter can get some rest? Thank you.”

“Dad? Did you get the celery? I wanted the vegan marshmallows.”

“Let’s switch.”

Eating to their hearts’ content, Dusk and Twilight remained blissfully unaware of the news, governmental, and friendship-related pandemonium that was occurring just outside. When they were done, they teleported upstairs (Much to the U-girls and scientists’ delight) and fell into a blissful sleep.

The next morning, Mike got ready to go to Unicorn U like any other day. He noticed a primary feather was stuck to his shirt from his “ponying up” transformation a few days ago. He removed it, chuckling that he actually sprouted wings!

Seeing that his daughter was still asleep, he teleported downstairs, where his mom was currently making breakfast with her hands and lunch with her magic.

“Morning, my little alicorn! How did you sleep?”

Whatever he said was mangled by his yawning and his hands covering his mouth.

Celesti-AI makes her way to the kitchen’s hub, projecting herself in miniature form on the counter.

“Good morning, Miss Magnus. Did you use the technique I showed you for sauteing the onion?”

“Yes, I did, Celesti-AI. It proved rather useful, indeed!”

“I am glad you liked it. My news settings have alerted me that things are going to be quite interesting for Mike today. He’s a celebrity now! Twilight, too!”

"Yes, very interesting… Coffee. Where's my coffee, please?"

Suddenly, a familiar mulberry alicorn trots downstairs, a bit tired from the previous day’s adventures.

“Good *hiccup* morning everypony!” She said, startled by her sudden hiccup.

"Morning, little Coffee… Ugh, Twily. Where's my coffee, mom?"

“Right, sorry dear!” Ms. Magnus says, using her magic to quickly make a cup of hazelnut and vanilla flavored coffee with pumpkin pie flavored creamer.

"Imma teleport it, mom."

"Ready."

He did so and took a sip.

"Hmm, not bad. I didn't even have to let it cool."

"Er… You didn't, son. It was still boiling."

"... Oi."

“Wait, daddy has cryokinesis?” Twilight says, flying over to the table to see the coffee now freezing at Mike’s touch.

“Woah…” Ms. Magnus says, looking over at the ice forming at the top of the cup.

"... Horseapples. Please reheat this, Celestia?"

“Thermal heaters are not accessible at this time. Perhaps your son can try using real magic to do so?” Celesti-AI says, with a grin.

He sticks out his tongue at her.

“Daddy, can I try heating your coffee?” Twilight asks, her eyes comically turning to stars.

"Yes please."

As the alicorn filly was trying to heat the coffee cup, she couldn’t help but lap up a small amount of it. She never had it before.

“ICK!! You like this, daddy?”

"Other than Torah and you, this is my life, honey. Now gimme."

The filly does as she is told, passing the coffee to her father, who notices with a grin that it tastes more magical than usual.

“Mike, don’t you have school today? Also, Twily, if anypony from the press comes while we are gone, do NOT answer any questions. We know how you get when you are nervous.”

Twilight chuckles: “Yeah, yeah. I won’t answer anypony’s questions. I Pinkie Promise!”

She then recites the aforementioned ritual, almost grabbing Mike’s empty coffee cup and smashing it in front of her muzzle.

“Twilight Sparkle! What do you think you are doing with my son’s coffee mug?!” Ms. Magnus cried, using magic to grab the cup from her.

“Sorry, I got really into the Pinkie Promise. Bye Daddy, good luck in school!”

"Thanks, sweetie! Thanks for the lunch, mom!"

And with a flash, he teleports to his favorite on-campus, healthy to-go bar, "The BookWorm Pony"

***

“THE BOOKWORM PONY? WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE IN MANEHATTAN!”

Yes, we do, Luna. One of the many easter eggs from my multiversal jaunts found in this timeline.

“Fascinating. Proceed with thine tale, we are VERY intrigued.”

***

“Holy hay! It’s Mike the Alicorn!” “Mandarin Orange”, says as Mike makes his way into the pub.

“Yeah. I can’t believe he’s so lucky to have pure pony DNA. He can use real magic!” “Bartlett Pear” says to Mandarin.

Sigh… the times, they are a Changeling.

"Guys, guys… please. I'm still the same person, so stop with the Alicorn stuff. I'll rather still be known as, "Dusk Star", from now till… forever."

He was going to say “until the day I die”, but he remembered he can’t die.

“Well, you are basically a demigod now, Prince Dusk Star”, “Bartlett Pear” says, buying rounds for everypony on behalf of Mike’s arrival. Everypony cheered and raised their glasses for Mike.

A chant of “Prince Dusk Star” began filling the halls of the tavern, and even the barkeep “Single Malt” joined in!

Blushing heavily, he merely raised his glass in response, to which everypony cheered and took a sip simultaneously.

“Uhh, “just Dusk Star”, I have a question.” Mandarin Orange asked, making her way over to him.

“If you can actually do magic… what makes you unique from the h-u-mans? I mean, I am an Earth human, so I don’t know about this stuff. It must be so cool!”

In response, and without blinking an eye, he raised his hand and transformed the napkin in front of him into a steaming slice of cheese pizza.

“Woah… matter manipulation! So cool!”

Bartlett Pear, who is a u-man, raises his hand next.

“Well, as a u-man, I think my abilities only extend to telekinesis and super smarts? You have my respect, Dusk.”

Nodding in response, he grabs the pizza and starts eating it with an audible crunch.

"With a crusty crust, just the way I like it."

Looking at his watch, Dusk slightly winced as he realized something.

"Whelp, I need to get going if I want to be on time for my first class."

“Okay then, see you around, “Prince Dusk Star”, Mandarin says with a sly grin as she leaves the bar.

‘I hope she doesn’t fall in love with me. My life is already turned upside down and inside out, don’t need a love-interest mixing it up more.’

Manifesting with a pop of neon white just outside his classroom, he walked into it.

Scratch that, he walked into his personal throne room. Everyone was hastily bowing and his seat was replaced with a chair that had no right being there… Except if it came with the desk that only a CEO could afford that had replaced his old one.

“... Why?”

***

“OF COURSE MIKE THE ALICORN IS BEING GIVEN A ROYAL TREATMENT!”

Luna… we’re getting to the good part soon. Please behave? Do it not for everypony else, but for ME?

“OF COURSE. WE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEE, J-CORN. PROCEED!”

***

“Well, you are basically a god among Huquines, so we might as well give you some perks!” Professor Nuts N Bolts says during Huquine physics class.

“... Right. And you had to wait until class started to answer me because…?”

“Well, you weren’t here! That’s why, Prince Dusk Star!” Nuts N Bolts says rhetorically.

“Now, Since you ARE an alicorn human, why don’t you go over your notes on flight from last class for everypony. It’s a shame my U-man abilities don’t let me fly like you! I mean, even my pegasus students can’t fly with wings. YOU have wings, at least, when under duress. We all saw the tapes!”

His only reaction was to gulp nervously.

“Alright, let… me... Oh no… no nononoNOOOOOOO!”

His mind began to send through him his memories of him flying.

His daughter finally flying without crashing.

The planes he’s seen.

The birds he’s seen.

Practically everything he’s ever heard, read or felt on flight.

All at once.

At the same time, his body began lashing out at the unknown attacker with bursts of magic.

“Oh, s-! Everypony get back!”

“What’s going on!?”

“Medical emergency that we can’t do anything about except hope that he won’t go nuclear! Channel his magic upwards!”

As the mental attack continued, the shield began to crack at the 1:50 mark, then threatened to shatter at the 2:20 mark before they were finally able to add in the C.M.C.

“He’s reaching critical mass! Can we even contain him?!”

One of the CMC staff screams at another.

Fortunately, that didn't happen as he eventually began to calm down, collapsing to the floor with a thud.

“... It’s unfortunate that his tasty bits were left covered.”

SLAP!

“Well, that’s going to make it on pnn.com today!” Mandarin said, laughing like a foal.

“This. Is. Going. Nowhere. Understand?’

With a flick of the wrist, he repaired the roof and floor. Then immediately head desked on the nearest one in understanding.

‘Everypony on campus and in the town just saw that. I’m not doing so well, aren’t I?”

“Enope! But you are pretty hot! Like, Big Mac hot!”

He stared at her and some of the girls (plus a few guys) with a blank look.

“... What?”

***

“Hold on, J-corn. How attractive is he?”

Um… Luna?

“Well… we would LOVE to meet somepony like him. Brave and valiant, but also cute and careless!”

Luna… you're on the recording…

“We don’t care, Jewnicorn! This Mike infatuates us! Tell us, what art the multiversal coordinates to this dimension?”

Luna… please… not now… Starlight will be livid with this cut.

“Jewnicorn, as thy ruling sovereign and foster mother, we DEMAND THEE to bring us to this timeline!”

Oh boy… Looks like my moon mom found a crush! I wonder how this is going to turn out…

***

Taking a few deep breaths, he mentally scanned himself and his clothes.

“Hm.”

With a knowing smirk and snap of the fingers, he repaired his clothes, to which they all let out a small whine of disappointment.

“NOW! Wow, the RCV really does blow hair back. ANYWAY, IF ALL OF YOU PERVERTS HAVE FINISHED TRYING TO UNDRESS ME, WHETHER MENTALLY OR TELEKINALLY…?”

Ears ringing, everyone went back to their desks.

Except for the poor kid whose desk got turned into sawdust.

“Um, Mr. Dusk Star, Sir…?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m sorry about that! There you are!”

“Thank you.”

The rest of the class time passed without incident.

“HEY FREAK! HOW DO YOU HANDLE YOUR UNWORTHY POWER?!”

That incident-free time didn’t apply to his next class, which was, ironically, Advanced Friendship, where they’re learning about Defensive and Offensive Friendship.

“Prince Dusk Star, for the safety of everypony in this gymnasium, please refrain from using all of your power.” Thick Bones says to the now annoyed Mike.

“Well, before I even knew about this Alicorn DNA thing, Mike was an above-average Earth human, so I am sure he’ll be fine.” Shy Tree pipes in from the back.

“Only when I was compared to the rest of the state, Shy Tree…”

From this, everypony began asking Mike more and more questions, some more innocent than others. By far the weirdest question Mike received was from Chip Tune. Chip Tune wanted to be blasted into the wall with full force, just so he could PROVE that alicorn magic was real.

“... Is somepony here fluent in Idiot-nese? I know you were there when I turned the napkin into a real slice of pizza.”

“Well, you KNOW my parents are anti-ponifiers Dusk Star, and ever since they raised the age of majority to 25, I have been DYING to get ponified, but my parents won’t let me! I just need you to convince them! It’s almost as bad as not getting your vaccines!”

“It’s true, Dusk Star… all of Chip Tunes' forms claim “health reasons” for not getting any Huquine treatment. Dear Celestia, I hate those essential oil ponies!” Thick Bones crossly says, upset that not all of his students are being treated equally.

“Hm. Bring them to me after school and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Now, for the rest of you. You know the drill. I want everypony to pair up with somepony of a different tribe and begin the drills! GO, GO, GO!” Thick Bones says as everypony in the room follows the teacher’s instructions. They make their way outside to Unicorn U’s field since flight will be needed for this class for some students. Dusk Star just so happens to be paired up with Shy Tree.

“Well, Mr. Alicorn, looks like you can fly now. Don’t break the stratosphere!” Shy Tree taunts, launching himself above the field goal post.

Focusing, he caused himself to 'pony up', wings and horn sprouting out of him. With a flap, he accidentally propelled himself nearly a mile up!

“DUSK STAR, REMEMBER TO STAY AT A NORMAL HEIGHT!” Thick Bones pipes in, clipboard in hand to evaluate his students’ progress.

"Whoops. SORRY, SIR!"

These drills are rather rudimentary in nature, and the reason that students are paired against Huquines of different tribes is to diversify the skill set of each student. It was kind of like rock paper scissors on steroids! Earth humans used their stamina to outlast the others, pegasi used their speed and reflexes to be evasive, and unicorn humans used their chess-like minds and basic psionic attacks for offense.
Now, for Mike, since he is the first Alicorn human… things were different. Usually, he just outlasted Shy Tree with his Earth human stamina, but sometimes Shy Tree used his superior agility to get the upper hand. Oh, how tables can turn!

“If only I could think my way out of this…! No, don’t want to accidentally roast my class like burnt marshmallows… Hm…”

Shy Tree began to fly towards Dusk Star at full speed, and Dusk had to think, and think fast. He learned the best way to avoid a pegasi attack was to “clip the wings”, so Mike waited for Shy Tree to get close enough, and he grabbed Shy’s shoulderblades and gently lowered him to the floor.

“Bucking hell, Mike! What happened to your reflexes?!”

The only reply he got was the feeling of his friend shrugging.

“Well, looks like this exercise is pointless, then.” Thick Bones says, walking towards the two friends.

“Here’s what I want you two to do now. Dusk, if you are an alicorn human, you can fly. I want you to race Shy Tree around Bloomington. Shy’s stats are crazy! He could be a Wonderbolt if he wanted to!”

“Now, this looks like something I am going to be better at!” Shy Tree says, smirking.

Mike failed to hide the tiniest of smirks from appearing on his lips.

“Don’t count your cockatrice before they hatch, old friend.”, as he flared his wings in preparation.

“Well, on your marks… get set…”

Shy Tree looks like his life is on the line.

“GO!”

In the split second between that and flapping his wings, Mike decided something.

‘I’m gonna let him win… By a hair, that is. I mean, I am the ambassador of friendship!’

With twin bursts of air, they rocketed off of school grounds and followed the lane set up for this situation. As they raced, the faint sound of cheering reached their ears as almost everyone stopped what they were doing and watched in awe.

***

“J-corn, who is going to win?!?!”

If I tell you...it won’t happen. Remember? It’s the curse of the time alicorn. I know everything, but if I say it before it’s time, it doesn’t happen.

“Proceed, then.”

***

‘Alrighty… Adjust a feather here, move a hand there, and point your feet like so… There, a guaranteed win for Shy Tree, in three… Two… One.’

“AND SHY TREE WINS BY A FEATHER!”

“Woah… I won! I bucking won! I don’t know how, but I won!” Shy Tree exclaimed, lending out a hand to shake in good sportsmanship with his friend.

Making sure to not let his friend’s excitement overtake him, he shook back.

“Shy Tree, get your flank down to Earth. Somepony is here to see you!”

He does so, and sees a man with sunglasses and a military outfit in front of him.

“Well… if you were able to defeat Dusk Star the Alicorn human in a race… I think you're a decent candidate for the USAF Wonderbolt program. Here’s my card. If you are interested son, call this number.” He then teleports away.

Shy Tree abruptly sits on the ground and thinks, his brow furrowing in deep thought. After a bit, it hit him.

“You let me win!”

‘Buck. How did he figure it out?!’

“North Korea. It’s been on the news everywhere, and while most people theorize a time-spell, I’m confident that it’s not that. You're just that fast.”

“Um-.”

“Do-over.”

“... What?”

“You heard me. Do. Over! I’m not going to get into the Wonderbolts just because my friend took pity on me!”

“Wait, did I hear you right, Shy Tree? Dusk Star let you win?” Thick Bones says, looking at Mike with a confused look.

“... Yes.”

“Well, why would you do that to him? In a way, that’s worse than cheating!”

“... I would rather seem slower for the enjoyment of my friend than outright blow him out of the water just for…”

He shrugged.

“Fair play… interesting. You just wanted to even the playing field. Well… that changes things. Sportsmanship is very important, and frankly, it shows loyalty to your friend.” Thick Bones says, writing something down on his clipboard. “This act of friendship has given you your full credit for this course immediately. You two are free to go!”

“Well, then. I guess you letting me win gives us one less credit of schoolwork this semester. I should thank you, actually!”

"No. And before you insist, I insist. You passing and potentially getting into the Wonderbolts is the best thanks I could get. Now, wher-?"

"Are you BUCKING KIDDING ME!? MR. ALL-POWERFUL ALICORN AND HIS FRIEND GET OFF WHILE THE REST OF-?!"

A rather familiar (and attractive) young Earth human woman butts her nose in to this seemingly escalating conflict.

“Well, I find that everypony else was rather SELFISH in not showing sportsmanship this term. What about when Chip Tune needed help because his parents are anti-ponifiers. Did anypony help him get his DNA altered? No, nopony did! And that was today, no less!
What about the values we learn in our other classes? Frankly, Dusk star was an Earth human like me before whatever the hay happened to him. We get the short end of the stick, so we learned at a young age to be kind and fair. Right, “My prince.”?” Mandarin Orange says, looking at Mike coyly. Good thing she’s the only other Jewish person in the college!

Gently smiling while holding back a blush, he makes a small bow towards her while backing towards the school.

“Thank you for that, Miss Orange.”

His friend, however, wasn’t about to leave it at that.

“We would also be happy for you to join us at lunch, “Princess Mandarin Orange”!”

At the statement of his friend, his face erupted in redness simultaneously when her’s did, which was compounded by most of the rest of the class cheering them on.

“Well… I serve at the pleasure of the alicorn.” Mandarin says, winking and going to collect her things.

***

“Methinks that that line belongs to thee, during the beginning of thine adventure.”

I might have said that… I don’t know. Can we continue?

“Of course”

***

Joyfully whistling, Mandarin made her way home after school, her science and war books swinging back and forth in her arms.

“Well well well. Isn’t it ‘Little Miss. Alicorn’s Boy Toy’.”

Blinking a few times at the bullies stepping out of shadows that had barely concealed them, she sighed and rolled her eyes while doing the same to her head.

“Typical of male bullies. Thinking only with their balls and fists and never with anything else.”

“Pfft! I’m just trying to make sure that weaklings like you are strengthened through the furnace that’s college!”

Putting the books away into her backpack, she easily tossed it out of their reach, the straps getting caught on a tree branch.

“Remember FierceFists567? … The Shadow Pony level on My Little Pony: Equestria Online?”

‘Gulp, not good! NOT GOOD!’

“Hold ‘Miss. Molestia’ down while I teach her a lesson!”

Raising her arms in front of her in a ‘x’, she used his momentum to push him into his friends while lashing out at a leg, causing him to trip and fall into their legs and collapsing them in a heap.

At the same moment, two others tried to rush her from behind and another three from the sides.

Backflipping out of the way, she grabbed one who had narrowly dodged getting dogpiled, yanked him back and put him down with a backhand.

As another Earth human tried to kick her legs, she was able to dodge the kick and retaliate with her own kick, dislocating her enemies’ foot.

With the rest finally getting up and starting to get organized…

‘Ponyfeathers… I’m bucked now!’

“OH, NO YOU DONT!!”

They were all raised up by a neon white glow and slammed into the ground, then raised again and tossed a few feet away as Mike landed in front of her, wings and arms outspread.

“Leave. Now.”

The head idiot didn’t listen.

“Sigh.”

With a wave of his hand, he turned the concrete under the sprinting Earth man back into its liquid form, then back into its solid form as soon as his hands and knees were enveloped.

“It’s rather funny that all that’s needed to restrain an Earth human is a little tweaking of the molecules.”

Making eye contact with the seething and smoldering eyes of the struggling bully, Mike obliges with a flick of his finger, freeing him and knocking him cold at once.

Mandarin Orange was amazed at Mike’s raw talent with matter manipulation.

“Dusk… how did you come and help me?”

With another flick of his finger, her backpack comes back to her smoothly.

“I heard fighting from my computer club, recognized the voice of “Mr. High and Mighty” over there, and teleported here to stop whomever he was trying to grievously harm.”

“Wha… You could hear this from a mile and half away through bricks and trees and everything else?!”

“... Yeah.”

Catching her with his magic, she shook her head.

“... Adrenaline rush... Leaving… Help, me to my dorm?”

“Sure.”

Levitating her while she describes the outside of the building, they disappear with a POP!